Just another Just another day
Look, I'm sober right now, and I really shouldn't be, yet here we are. He we are, about to embark on a story about Sunset Shimmer.
One day Sunset Shimmer was eating peaches when she suddenly got the runs so she ran to the bathroom and pooped.
Then she...
God, I can't do this. I can't keep willing myself to write crappy stories. There's no spark anymore. None of the magic that used to exist is here anymore.
And yet, Sunset Shimmer is counting on me to finish her story. You all are. Alright, let's try this again.
After Sunset Shimmer went poop, she was sure to wash her hands, because jeez, she's not disgusting. I hope you wash your hands after you go poop.
Anyway afterwards, she got on her motorcycle and sped over to the local arcade. She wasn't super into arcades, but it was time to film another one of those Equestria Girls shorts and she had to be there. So she participated in the shoot, where Pinkie sang another one of her silly songs, and then the shoot wrapped and they could all go home. So Sunset Shimmer went home.
Then she started to cry.
Why was Sunset crying? Why wouldn't she? She was depressed, and that's something you do when you're depressed. Well, some people, anyway. I'm depressed and I almost never cry. I don't feel sad, just hollow. But Sunset was crying.
.
Sunset Shimmer had depression and depression sucks but Sunset was a pro at battling it so she did what she always does when she's depressed and started eating comfort food. Specifically Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia. Which I'm going to eat right now. BRB.
Okay I ended up eating "One Sweet World" as well.
Anyway, Sunset realized that she was not in a good place and that friends make things better. So she sent out a text to the human six, asking if any of them wanted to kick it.
Oh my God I need serious help.
***********************
The scene: Halloween night.
Sunset shimmer paces back-and-forth. She has an essay do in the morning that she really doesn’t want to do. In fact, it’s due by midnight. She hasn’t published anything in the entire month of October. Oh wait that’s me, not her.
Sunset Shimmer is hungry but doesn’t want to put on clothes to go downstairs to eat something. She lives alone though, so maybe people can see her downstairs through the windows or something, I don’t know. Anyway, she writes a letter to Princess Twilight:
Dear Princess Twilight: I’m bored, depressed, hungry, and horny. Want to fuck?
Twilight Sparkle being Twilight Sparkle, up late doing research on God knows why, of course is awake to receive the missive. She writes back.
Look, for the last time, I’m not gay. Can’t you shag Sci Twi? Or buy a Beanis or something, I don’t know. I’m just a talking head in a poorly written fanfic.
So Sunset eventually gets some clothes on and walks downstairs to make a bagel. Then she texts Sci-Twi.
I’m horny and depressed. Please Help.
Sci Twi Soon texts back.
Big Mood. Want to hang out and maybe canoodle?
So Sunset jumps on her motorcycle and rides over to Twilight’s place. Twilight lives alone too since her parents are in wherever the Crystal Prep Academy is located, so they can do whatever they want. It being Halloween night, they catch a showing of The Exorcist on TV and start making out half way through. By the end of the movie they’re naked and scissoring. Jesus that escalated quickly.
Sunset forgot about the essay she was supposed to write on the Peloponnesian war. Or should I say Peloponysian War? Haha horse pun! She will just have to turn it in late.
In fact she missed her first class of the day at Canterlot University. Sci Twi also went to CU but didn’t have any classes until the afternoon.
Still in Sci Twi’s house and in the midst of missing her multi-variable calculus class being held Thursday, November 1st, Sunset made breakfast nachos, which are like regular nachos but you eat them for breakfast. Sci Twi didn’t have regular chips, just those bowl-shaped ones meant for scooping salsa or other things you might dip a chip into. Anyway for cheese she used shredded sharp cheddar and then also used sour cream. It was a yummy nacho but then what nacho isn’t yummy?
*‰*‰*‰*‰*‰*‰*‰*‰
Thirteen years later, Sunset was mountain climbing with Princess Twilight Sparkle in the Caneighdian Rockies when she fell and broke her back. That’s what she got for free climbing. Free climbing is very dangerous. Even with the best in Equestrian healing magic, Sunset ended up a paraplegic mare. When she went back through the mirror, it was in a wheel chair. Her friends were there waiting for her, and they all cried a lot and hugged her and said they were glad she was still alive.
Even Human Tempest Shadow came by to offer her condolences. In the human world, Tempest Shadow was a Maoist. How did she end up a Maoist rather than trying to take over the world? It’s a rather long story I will have to tell you another time. Quite fascinating, really. Anyway, Human Tempest shadow had a gnarly gash across her face and an eyepatch, so she knew a thing or two about what Sunset was going through.
Sci Twi, now a Research scientist at the Canterlot Research and Pony Partnership (CRaPP), was there to welcome her back, tears in her purple eyes.
“Oh my gosh, Sunny Buns, when I heard what happened, I was so scared. I’m glad you’re alive. I love you so so much!“ then she pick Sunset shimmer up out of the wheelchair and they made out.
The End.
Or is it?
No it isn’t. Because sci Twi is so awesome that she built Sunset bionic legs so that her wife could walk again.
The end for real this time.
Author's Note
Seriously, wash your fucking hands. 
