Substitute Teacher: Twilight Sparkle's Schoolhouse of Horror

Scootaloo awakened and stood, wobbling a bit and warily surveying her surroundings.

She was right at the beginning of a cobblestone pathway that seemed to extend infinitely in both directions. The path had no walls or ceiling; only endless, murky darkness. Lining the hall on both sides were suits of armor, each one gripping a different Medieval weapon at its chest plate.

Oh owww, my head! What just happened?

“Ah, it seems you’ve found the Gauntlet. My deepest congratulations. Be sure to look out for clues that will help you in your… termination of this exam. Oh, and beware of the Colossus. It’s drawn to the scent of blood.” Twilight’s echoing voice was sickeningly cheerful.

“Good luck. Even though luck can’t really help you at this point, but you get what I mean…”

The orange pegasus filly had hardly begun to contemplate the meaning of the message, when something caught her eye further down the hallway.

It was a chicken, pecking away at the feet of one of the suits. It was bright orange, and its comb and wattle were dyed a light purple.

Wait a minute, why’s it colored just like m-

Oh, I get it. A chicken. Because I can’t fly. That’s so funny, I forgot to laugh.

But just as she was forgetting to laugh, there was the clink of a latch releasing. A gruesome *shlick!*sound rang out through the ethereal hall.

The chicken’s head spiraled through the air, spattering the filly with its fresh blood, as the decapitated body ran aimlessly about the cobblestones. Scootaloo was dumbstruck by the spectacle for a moment, then regained her senses.

“What was that Twilight said about the blood? And a ‘colossal,’ or something. A colossal what, though?...!!”
Her question was immediately answered by the sound of heavy, clanking hoofsteps from the darkness.

Running hoofsteps.

Running towards her.

Scootaloo took off, without a second thought. The stabbing pain in her legs was a slight discomfort compared to the pumping adrenaline of terror rushing through her. She had to outrun the Colossus.

But it was gaining on her.

Finally, she felt her legs give and she collapsed, as the clanking swelled to a crescendo, then stopped.

Bewildered, Scootaloo rose to her feet. That was it?! That’s what all the big fuss was about? Sheesh, if only I—

As she opened her eyes and turned, she found that she’d spoken too soon.

Before her was a suit of armor twice the size of the others, and of the darkest metal imaginable. Stowed on its back was a massive, gleaming battle axe. As the monstrosity lifted its visor, Scootaloo’s eyes nearly popped out when she found herself staring into the blank eyes and of Pipsqueak, his pallid face twisted into a horrible, open-mouthed sneer.

A sickly gurgle bubbled up from Pipsqueak’s throat.

“Pipsqueak! Don’t do this! You can still fight her!!”

The battle axe plunged towards the filly, as she braced for impact.

*SHLUNK!*

***
Sweetie Belle meandered about the pitch-black nothing, trying to keep herself from crying. Just as she thought she was never going to escape the darkness, a ring of torches lit themselves around her, and she found herself at the heart of an empty stone amphitheater.

“Welcome to the Coliseum, Sweetie Belle! I do hope you enjoy the show we’ve got planned for today, ‘cause you’re the main attraction! Keep your wits about you, and perform from your heart, or some sappy crap like that. I don’t know… you can figure it out yourself.”

Sweetie stared around her blankly, with no clue as to what Twilight’s message meant. Just then, she noticed a familiar face dangling from the coliseum wall.

“Spike!”

The baby dragon looked decrepit, patches of scales torn out and eyes sunken in. Dark blood dripped from the corners of his mouth as he gave a hacking cough, and was caked to his talons where they were driven into the wall with rivets.

The sight of him like this brought Sweetie to tears, despite herself. “Oh Spike, what happened?! Did Twilight do this to you?”

Spike tried to speak, his voice hoarse and rasping. “M-music…” he wheezed.

“What?! What do you mean m”—Sweetie was cut off as he coughed again, spraying dark flecks all over Sweetie’s face and mouth.

“Music… to quell the savage beast…”

Sweetie Belle spat out what she could of the “Music to soothe who?! You mean Twilight??”

But before he could reply, the baby dragon was wracked with a dreadful spasm as his head slumped forward. He lifted it again, his face contorted in sheer agony, as his jaw unhinged and something huge began to emerge from deep within him.

Something horrible.

SSssssSsssssssSsssssss…

A seething serpent freed itself from the lifeless husk that was Spike, and coiled its way around the arena. Its forked tongue flicked out from between its fangs, tasting the air.

Tasting her fear.

The massive reptilian lunged at Sweetie, jaws agape. The filly deftly sidestepped its blow, as it smashed into the stone wall behind her. Quick to recuperate, the monster struck again, this time only narrowly missing her.

What did Spike mean, “music to quell the”- oh, wait.

Sweetie Belle stopped in her tracks, standing bravely in front of the gargantuan snake. Just as the beast primed itself to lash out again, she began to sing.

Her voice was heartwarming and sincere, and the creature writhed and screeched as the melody poured forth. She sang and sang, the tune completely spontaneous, but working to full affect.

SSSssSSSSSSssSSSSSSSS!!!

The serpent was close to succumbing to the music. Sweetie could sense it.

Then all of a sudden, there was a piercing pain in her throat, and her voice was gone.

Sweetie froze in place, trying desperately to continue her melody and fend off the monster. But the more she tried, the more stabbing she felt in her throat.

Then she realized.

The flecks.

Spike’s cough.

The vile creature in her throat sunk its fangs into her windpipe, causing her to cry out in agony. It twisted relentlessly inside of her, shredding her lungs and trachea with its jagged scales. She hacked in an attempt to free herself of her tormenter, but all that she coughed up was a pool of ink-black blood.

As the parasite liberated itself from its host, Sweetie Belle gave a ragged gasp, convulsed, and crumpled to the floor.

***
The afternoon bell had rung, and all the students’ families were gathered around the school, waiting for their little fillies and colts to come running out and head home. At first, the parents were unfazed by the foals’ delay in leaving the schoolhouse. But after some time, impatience started to brew, and finally the mares and stallions took matters into their own hooves and went inside.

From atop the school’s tower, an undead Diamond Tiara left her post at the bell, and watched in fiendish glee as the parents headed into the building. Then, as Twilight’s animation spell wore off, the walking corpse slumped to the floor again in a pool of its own blood.

Finding nothing of concern in the darkened classroom, the parents moved to check the cellar door. The scene inside was mind blowing.

Their little fillies and colts lay in heaping piles on the ground, their skin pasty and their faces still tinted blue from suffocation. The ones nearest the tops of the piles (the last ones to survive) still gave an occasional muscular twitch or two. The aerosol cans had retracted into the ground, the gas was mostly gone, and the fiery barrier re-ignited itself in front of the door.

But before the parents and siblings had time to react, the basement light bulb blew its fuse. In the complete darkness, they heard a most bloodcurdling sound.

SSssssssssSSSSssssssssssSSSSSssssssssSsssssss...

***
Apple Bloom was more terrified than she’d ever been before.

Twilight was after her.

The yellow earth pony bolted down the twisting corridors of the Labyrinth, trying desperately to shake her maniac pursuer. Rounding several switchback turns, she finally heard the sound of running hooves fade into the distance.

Careful not to completely let her guard down, Apple Bloom paused to catch her breath and calm her racing heart. This took very little time, thanks to many hours of helping her siblings with their chores.

I’ve got to find Cheerilee before Twi—I mean, before that thing does! She couldn’t bear to associate the kind and friendly Twilight Sparkle she knew with the lunatic currently stalking her, and had managed to convince herself that they were separate entities.

Finally blessed with solace, the filly slowed her pace a bit, always prone to subtle changes in her surroundings. Threatening darkness loomed on all sides, punctuated every here and there by flickering magenta star emblems, in the likeness of Twilight’s cutie mark. The maze itself was comprised of a soft, warm material. Its heat and cushiony feel unnerved Apple Bloom deeply.

It was almost as if the maze itself was alive.

Taking several more random turns, Apple Bloom found a stained wooden door. A message was splattered upon it, in what appeared to be some sort of ashy paste:

You may now take a five-minute break. And don’t worry, even I have to follow this rule, so come on in and grab a bite.

Summoning all her courage, the earth filly pushed the door open and stepped inside the room.

It was entirely blank and dark, except for a dim incandescent bulb in one corner of the ceiling. The bad lighting cast ghoulish shadows on the walls and floor.

And in the center of the room, Twilight Sparkle was laying casually in front of the unmoving body of another classmate. The top of the victim’s skull was gouged open, and the shards of two pairs of glasses lay not far off. Meanwhile, the deranged mare levitated a shining, plated spoon to her mouth and daintily sipped its ghastly contents.

“Nothing like a little brain food to get those juices flowing!” Apple Bloom was appalled by how nonchalantly the unicorn seemed to react to her unholy meal.

Twilight glanced up at the gleaming utensil, before turning to the gray carcass. “Kind of ironic, though…” She mused, showing the filly her Cutie Mark’s likeness. “Done in by your own special talent. What kind of talent is a spoon, anyway?

Apple Bloom barely managed to swallow the vomit that filled her mouth. At the noise, Twilight whipped around.

“Ah, my competitor! Care to join me for a quick snack? I prepared something especially for you,” she turned, and levitated the gouged-open corpse of Peppermint Twist right in the yellow filly’s face.

Apple Bloom retched.

“Not hungry, I see; well, your loss. I’ve gotta go get my toy back from the Colossus. I keep telling him, ‘sharing is caring, sharing is caring.’ But does he listen? Oh no, he’s too macho for sharing, when it’s his turn to do the giving…”

Twilight brushed past the coughing filly, and set off down the hallway, before remembering something. She held up a hoof, full of gleaming pink powder, which she proceeded to blow away.

“Oh yeah, almost forgot. Make a wish!” Right as she’d recovered from the bout of puking, Apple Bloom felt a searing pain in her eyes as she went blind. “You seemed tense, so I thought I’d give you a little something to help out.”

Flailing about blindly (but not daring to make a sound), the filly staggered into the hallway. But slowly and surely, her vision returned, and after blinking several times the foal could see clearly again. Finding no trace of her torturer, she continued on her search for Cheerilee, wandering fruitlessly for at least an hour. And then…

“APPLE BLOOM!” A voice called out of the darkness. Initially spooked, the filly was overcome with relief when she recognized its source.

“Scootaloo! Have you found Cheerilee yet? Or Sweetie?”

“I’m right here!” The white unicorn stepped out from behind her friend. Both fillies had somehow escaped their trials, entirely unscathed.

“WHERE IN EQUESTRIA WERE YOU?!?!?!” Apple Bloom burst out.

“We might as well ask you the same!” Sweetie Belle defended. “And the better question is, where in Equestria are we?!”

“Never mind that, girls! Look!” Scootaloo pointed.

Up ahead was a jumbled mess of jet-black knight armor and chain mail.

“The Colossus!” The pegasus exclaimed. “But that means…”

Sure enough, the metal “scrap-heap” stirred, and a befuddled Pipsqueak emerged from beneath the broken suit’s helmet.

“Uuuugh… W-what just happened?” He groaned, rubbing his aching temple.

“Pip!” Scootaloo bear-hugged him. “I’m so glad you’re okay! Now hurry, we’ve got to find Cheerilee before that psycho does!”

The reunited gang set off down the corridor, picking turns at random until they encountered a strange vault door at a dead end. Whipping it open, they found an empty bank vault, with yet another door at its other end.

What followed was a madcap trip through the various alternate realms inside each consecutive door. The doors took them to Trixie’s latest magic show, the Smooze’s first hostile takeover of Dream Castle, the day Ponyville was founded, and even into outer space! They could’ve sworn they even saw the Spirit of Chaos and John Trafoalta having a disco dance-off in one of the scenes. But finally, they made it back to and out of the circular vault door.

“Well, that was a complete waste of time!” Apple Bloom fumed.

Sweetie giggled a little. “I thought the whipped cream waterfall was pretty neat!”

“Me too!” Scootaloo seconded. Pipsqueak nodded in agreement as well. “Ooh, and the Bon PON-3 concert was awesome! We should’ve stayed…”

“Are you three even listening to me!? We’ve got to save Cheerilee, not only for her sake, but for saving ourselves, too!” The yellow filly was indignant at her friends’ changes in attitude.

“Bah, lighten up Apple Bloom. As long as we stay in this maze, she can’t find all of us. And the test is pretty stupid anyway. Why don’t we just take a break together and play some games?”

Apple Bloom was disgusted by her friends’ indifference.

“Fine! If you don’t wanna help me, see if I care! I’ll go off and find our poor, helpless teacher by MYSELF!” She began to stomp off, but Scootaloo darted in front of her, blocking her path. Sweetie Belle and Pipsqueak flanked the terrified earth pony from behind.

“Oh, but we insist. Please stay and play with us. We have a brand new game we’ve been just dying to show you!” Scootaloo drew nearer, and Apple Bloom could hear a horribly malevolent undertone creeping into her voice.

“Scoot, what’s gotten into you?!” She started trying to back away, but Sweetie and Pipsqueak moved to wall her in.

“And who knows? We may even get our Cutie Marks from this.” The possessed orange pegasus procured a moist cloth and took a step closer.

“SNAP OUT OF IT!” Without a second thought, the captive lashed out and struck her friend in the head, batting it with a forehoof .

And sending it careening off the wall and onto the floor.

“SCOOTALOO!!!”

Sweetie Belle shook her own head in disapproval. “Oh dear, you’ve gone and lost your head again, haven’t you? Have you been taking your anger management classes like a good little filly?” her voice became increasingly possessed with each word.

“Yeah…” pouted the head. “But she started it this time! You saw her!” It rose from the floor, wreathed in dark magic, and came face to face with Apple Bloom. “Look what you did to me! I’ve been trying to get over this problem for like, forever! And now you’ve gone and… made… it… worse…..”

Apple Bloom nearly fainted from terror at what she saw next. Before her very eyes, the floating orange head began to fade to a horrible, ashen gray. Its skin began to peel away, and its eyeballs rolled completely back into its head. Behind her, Sweetie’s face began to rip itself open until all that was left was a mess of bleeding shreds. And Pipsqueak’s arms and legs vanished, leaving gnarled stumps and various metal bolts driven into his hide.

Before any of the three abominations had time to react, Apple Bloom weaved her way between Sweetie and Pipsqueak’s corpses and was off down the hallway like a bat out of hell. She could barely hear Twilight’s disembodied voice, over the sound of her panting and agonized sobs:

“Some friend you are, running away from those poor little foals just because they look different from everyone else. I thought you would’ve known better by now, but hey, silly me!"

The filly was so distracted by her extreme mental trauma and Twilight’s scolding, she didn’t notice what was approaching her from the front, and she dug her hooves into the ground to stop herself from running into it.

“Apple Bloom… We’re so lonely without you… We can’t play with you from where you are, and it kills us on the inside… Please come back to us…” The head’s voice sounded sincerely pained.

Apple Bloom’s eyes filled with tears. “I... I just can’t…” she sobbed.

Tears of blood drizzled down the undead face. “Please, Apple Bloom… I miss you… We miss you so much…”

“Scootaloo… I’m sorry… so sorry…” The filly’s vision blurred from crying.

Out of nowhere, she felt a cloth cover her nose and mouth, and in a flash she saw no more.

***

When she awoke, the maze was gone. She was bound by her forelegs to a table, much like the one in the school cellar. The room around her was decked out in smileys and colorful flowers, and a lone lamp hung from the ceiling right above her.

The faceless corpse of Sweetie Belle stood to her left. When it noticed the victim had awakened, it let out a repulsive gurgling noise, and the Scootaloo corpse (now reunited with its head) trotted over to the autopsy table.

“Pip, hand me the lancet.” The limbless body floated over with the tool in its mouth. As the pegasus zombie brought the blade within an inch of Apple Bloom’s torso, the yellow filly lashed out again, this time kicking Scootaloo’s head squarely in the nose.

The head spun about rapidly on its neck, before Scootaloo stopped it with her forehooves and grinned.

“I thought you might try that again, so I went ahead and beefed up my head insurance.” Scoota-corpse joked. “If you so much as try anything funny, it’s next stop: kingdom come for all of us!”

Apple Bloom searched the zombie’s eyes for any trace of mercy. “Don’t give me that, Apple Bloom! You should be way happier; you finally get to join us on the other side! Now be a good friend and hold still. The more you cooperate, the faster this will go.”

She brought the lancet close again, pressing it cold and sharp against her victim’s stomach. Scanning the room for a diversion, Apple Bloom laid eyes on her only hope.

A patch of exposed, live wires in one of the smiley face’s eyes.

She would only have one shot at this.

Mustering her strength, she twisted and bucked the limbless Pipsqueak-corpse into the wires. The screws in his back fizzled as the current flowed through them, shorting out the room’s power. In a flash, the lights were out and her shackles had retracted, leaving behind a stench of burning flesh and a faint ticking.

“Say goodbye!” A voice hissed from the darkness.

Thinking fast, Apple Bloom found the crack of light outlining the door to the room, and bolted for it, slamming the iron door in the nick of time.

The subsequent explosion rocked the very foundations of the maze, followed by a horrendous splattering sound.

With one hoof on her heart in a moment of silence for her friends, Apple Bloom barely managed to maintain composure as she left the nightmarish room behind.

Nothing mattered anymore. All she had left to live for was finding Cheerilee.

Then, just when she was beginning to think she was finally in the clear,

“AND JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?”

Apple Bloom’s blood froze.

She found me!

In a vain attempt to escape, Apple Bloom dashed into a side-hallway, only to find that it led to pitch darkness. Without hope, she crouched in the shadows and awaited her doom.

“Do you honestly expect to be able to conjure up anything with that attitude?” Twilight’s voice was deep and stern, and coming down the hallway from the right. She appeared before Apple Bloom, looking as insane as ever, and carrying a massive battle axe in the air behind her.

Conjure up anything…?!

“I’m really sorry, Ms. Grimsby. I’m just really stressed, is all…” Twilight’s voice changed, becoming surprisingly normal and non-crazed.

And then Apple Bloom realized.

She doesn’t see me.

I’m in the clear after all!

“And what seems to be the problem?” Twilight said, in the stern voice again.

“All the other foals keep making fun of me…” Twilight’s eyes welled with tears, and then became solemn again.

“Oh, that again? You can’t let those other foals get to you so much, Twilight. You’ve got to suck it all up and ignore them! The more you let them bug you, the more fun they get out of it.”

“Yes ma’am!” Twilight broke out of her little charade and giggled gleefully. “Oh, Ms. Grimsby… If only you could see me now, you’d be so proud.” She was staring into the darkness, straight at where Apple Bloom was standing stark-stiff.

“They thought they could call me all those names, constantly berate me and make me wish I’d never been born. And then they really thought they could get away with it? Well, I sure showed them, didn’t I? I taught them all not to mess with Twilight Sparkle! Aren’t you proud of me, Ms. Grimsby?

“Ms. Grimsby” replied: “Ever so proud, my dear Twilight. And you finally get that last gold star you wanted!” Twilight squealed in delight, then promptly calmed down as she seemed to remember something.

“Of course, there is that one little filly who did get away…” Twilight thought of Apple Bloom, and in the darkness, her target smothered a gasp. The deranged mare stroked the battle axe’s polished blade and sang, as she continued down her hallway:

♪ Scamper, scurry, little foal
How close are you to your goal?

Run from friends, all torn and bled,
Run until you drop down dead,

Shed your trauma, little foal,
Just give me your mortal soul. ♪

Listening to the demented song fade into the distance, Apple Bloom found herself actually feeling pity for her assailant.

All she wanted was to fit in with the others…

When the sound of hoofsteps was entirely gone, Apple Bloom turned to explore the darkened hallway.

Face to face with her was Twilight, grinning that heart-stopping grin, her axe blade glinting in the dim light.

“BOO.”

Apple Bloom ran.

She ran like she’d never run before.

At one point, she hit a bump and twisted an ankle, but not even that deterred her.

She couldn’t even tell if Twilight was following her anymore. Fear had entirely consumed her, ringing in her ears like a perpetual scream, pumping her heart to the point of bursting.

She bolted this way and that, through the twisting, switch-backing tunnels and corridors, and was finally losing steam.

It’s all over…

And just as she thought she was done for, it appeared.

A magenta door, with three smiling daisies painted on its front.

This HAS to be it! And no sign of the monster anywhere! I’ve done it!

Apple Bloom found herself in a dark, suffocating mausoleum, the only light coming from the eyes of pony skull-torches on the stone walls. All around the room’s perimeter were several tombs and coffins, but one casket stood out from the rest, and lay in the exact center of the room. Muffled cries were coming from it, and a banging noise filled the room as the hostage pounded on her hardwood prison.

“Cheerilee!” The filly felt an unspeakable wave of relief wash over her as he rushed to the central coffin and began to pry at it. After a great deal of effort, the lid came flying off.

“TIME’S UP!”

Apple Bloom stared straight ahead, in utter disbelief. Then her gaze shifted down, to where the lancet was embedded, handle-deep, into her chest cavity.

“B-but…” She started, but never finished.

Twilight rose from the coffin, grinning wildly, and magically wrenched the tool from the filly’s chest. Apple Bloom looked up again, as she gave a death rattle and fell sideways into the crimson pool forming on the ground.

“Please, drop your pencils, and close your testing booklets,” she whispered into Apple Bloom’s ear.

“This test is now complete.”

***

“Aand… finished!”

Twilight put the finishing touches on her anatomical monstrosity, composed of a different organ from every one of her victims. The abysmal creation sat on a wooden stand on the empty teacher’s desk. Twilight occupied the first desk in the front corner of the room, directly across from it.

The silence was heavy, and only broken every now and then by the scratching of Twilight’s quill pen as busied herself with her weekly report.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned a very valuable lesson about bullies and how to deal with them. When I was younger, I always ignored my aggressors and let them abuse me until they lost interest. But not anymore. I learned that it’s important to stand up for yourself, and to teach those good-for-nothing bullies not to mess with you by taking action, even if it has to be… somewhat drastic.

In other news, I finally finished that report and project on pony/Changeling anatomy and physiology that you needed so badly! I’m sure you’ll find it to be incredibly lifelike, and I do hope it is of good use to you. I hope to hear from you soon!

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

***

Several days passed, and the horrible scene in the schoolhouse cellar was finally uncovered by an unwitting janitor. The corpses of the students and parents were collected, and the building was condemned. Twilight Sparkle had long since skipped town scot-free, and nopony ever found the bodies of the foals and baby dragon murdered in the “Twilight Zone.”

It was a chilly Friday afternoon in late October, the kind of day which would bring anypony’s mood down. The vacant building stood, dark and foreboding against the bleak sky, and the wind moaned as a flurry of dead leaves swirled across the schoolhouse path.

On the hill by the playground, a somber figure was busy filling over a small patch of dirt. Above that dirt was a headstone. In clearly chiseled letters, it read:

Rest in Peace, Miss Cheerilee

The grave-digger wiped his brow and walked away, as the schoolhouse bell rang in the end of the school day.

All on its own.