Substitute Teacher: Twilight Sparkle's Schoolhouse of Horror

Twilight Sparkle awoke with a start.

She was lying, sprawled on the floor, with a tome on “Equine Anatomy and Physiology” set before her like a pillow.

She leapt up and frantically searched the room for her dragon assistant.

“Spike? Spike, where are you?!”

“Right here, Twilight…”

She wheeled around and saw the little dragonling, still dusting the various nooks and crannies of the library. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Oh, Spike!” She couldn’t resist rushing over to grab him in a tight embrace. “I’m so glad that you’re al…” she paused, noticing the bewildered look on his face.

“…that you’re… almost finished with that list I gave you! You’re an awesome assistant, Spike!”

“Gee, thanks Twi…” Spike blushed a bit.

“Say, Spike? How long was I actually asleep for?” Twilight queried, re-shelving the reference book.

“Umm... Well, you fell asleep right after finishing up that project, and that was about three days ago, so… three days, I guess? I went ahead and mailed it off for you. And I decided to finish off those chores you had me do, what with Owlowiscious on leave and everything…”

This brought tears to Twilight’s eyes. “Spike, you truly are the best assistant anyone could ask for. And for being such a stellar help around here, you can have the rest of the week off.”

Spike’s jaw dropped. “Y-you mean it?!”

Twilight smiled and nodded.

Spike flung his arms around her neck. “You’re the best, Twilight!”

Then his fatigue caught up to him, and he slid to the floor with a massive yawn. “I think I'm gonna… go take a nap…”

“Go take as long of a nap as you’d like, Spike. You’ve earned it.” Twilight picked up the feather duster to finish the chores.

“Oh, and Twilight? If you get hungry, the Crusaders brought by some of Pinkie’s cookies the other day as a little treat, since they knew you were working so hard…”

Twilight’s eyes widened as she flashed back to her nightmare.

The Crusaders!!

In a flash, she was out the door and down the path to Ponyville schoolhouse. Fortunately for her, all the little fillies and colts were out on the playground at extra recess, and she felt a lump form in her throat as she remembered what had happened to them in her subconscious.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were playing jump rope on a corner of the blacktop. Twilight hurried up to them, a huge smile plastered on her face.

“Hi, girls!”

The three fillies looked up at her, slightly perplexed. “Ummm… hey, Twilight…

Twilight strained to resist her urge to break down and bear-hug the foals. “I, uh… I just wanted to come by and… and thank you for those delicious cookies you left! I’ve never had cookies that good in my entire life!”

Apple Bloom took a step back. “We didn’t actually make them, though.”

“I know, but you went to the trouble to bring them by just for me! You have no idea how much I appreciate it” Twilight was noticeably in tears at this point, but the smile of relief never left her face. She knew it had all been just a ghastly dream conjured from the darkest depths of her mind.

But a small part of her couldn’t ignore the fact that it had all been… so vivid.

So… real.

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom exchanged a look of utter confusion. Sweetie, on the other hoof, was completely oblivious to the mare’s awkward behavior, and piped up: “Thanks! Glad you liked them!”

“You're very welcome, Sweetie. And thanks again!” Twilight sniffled, trying to maintain composure as she turned to leave. Under her breath, she choked: “What beautiful young fillies. I’m so sorry for everything I did to you...”

The Crusaders watched the emotional mare walk off in silence. Once she was out of earshot, they turned to one another in absolute bewilderment.

“What in Equestria just happened?” Scootaloo burst out. Apple Bloom just shrugged. But Sweetie Belle smiled earnestly.

“That Twilight sure is nice. And smart, too! ”

“But crazy!” Interjected Scootaloo.

Sweetie ignored her. “She should be our substitute teacher next time Cheerilee is sick! She’d be perfect!” Sweetie gave a little hop of excitement at her idea.

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Well, at least she’d be better than that Ms. Grimsby. That substitute is an absolute nightmare!”

***
When Twilight got back to the library, she found Spike sound asleep in his little bed, and the room in nearly perfect order.

As she scanned the room for things to clean, something caught her eye on the coffee table downstairs.

It was a small scroll, bound with the princess’s royal seal. It read:

Dearest Twilight,

I am happy to inform you that your research was of great assistance to the royal guard in their battle against the Changeling threat. However, I regret to inform you that my fair city has fallen victim to Chrysalis and her forces. As difficult as this may be to believe, the Changelings have been assembling a city-sized coconut cream pie, and are planning on dropping it on Ponyville to eliminate the threat of the Elements of Harmony. You must call to order a town meeting and evacuate everypony from the area before the Changelings arrive to destroy the town. The fate of Ponyville rests on your shoulders, my faithful student, and I know you have what it takes to do what’s right.

Fondly,

Princess Celestia

Twilight didn’t have to be told twice. In a heartbeat she was in the center of town square, on the orator’s podium. She cleared her throat.

“Everypony! May I have your attention, please!” Twilight began, the panic evident in her voice.

The townsfolk stopped what they were doing and turned to the frantic speaker.

“Princess Celestia has commanded me to oversee the evacuation of Ponyville.”

The crowd’s confused mutterings became concerned.

“The Changeling army is currently is currently making a giant coconut cream pie to drop on all of Ponyville, and everypony here will be doomed if we don’t evacuate immediately!”

Now, Twilight had a reputation of being something of a “mare who cried wolf” in the town, and the townsfolk had grown wise to her tales of attacking Cerberus and impending disasters. But this story was in a league of its own. It didn’t even sound like Twilight was trying to be serious.

So naturally, everypony burst out laughing.

Twilight looked desperate, unable to see what everypony found so hilarious.

“I’m completely serious! We’ll all be smothered by coconut creamy death if we don’t get out of here RIGHT NOW!”

This only made them laugh harder.

Sweet Celestia, why are they laughing at me AGAIN? What the buck is so funny about death by giant coconut cream pie? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say these ingrates all wanted to die…”

She froze.

Wait a minute—

*POP!*