The Attica Hotel bustled with activity. However, it wasn’t showing the typical bedlam that comes with the flood of guests arriving from every walk of life, every region, and even every species as they shared excited chatter over surroundings or plans for the beach. Rather, it flowed with the controlled chaos of workers, bellhops, and construction crews going back and forth. That wasn’t to say that the Attica was messy or half finished. It merely needed a few finishing touches. Only a few select VIP, worker families, target groups were there to try out the facilities before it was opened to the public in a few days. A particular group of VIPs trudged in through the front doors.

Yet, instead of adding an air of excitement as most eager partiers are wont to do, they were dragging their feet as they stared ahead with haunted looks of war survivors. Shining, Cadance, Spike, Twilight, Starlight, the elements and their respective boyfriends all lumbered forward with pallid faces, frayed manes, and twitching eyes. Blueblood seemed to be the only exception as he simply strode forward with a guarded expression.

“Six blocks,” Twilight mumbled as several strands of hair sprung from her mane. “We only traveled six blocks and five ponies jumped in front of the van.”

“Insurance scammers,” Blueblood stated, his distaste only noticeable in the tone of his voice. “One of the many reasons I can’t stand this…city.”

“Don’t forget about that last maniac in the brown van,” Starlight mumbled as Sunburst rubbed her shoulders in an attempt to offer comfort. “He nearly sideswiped us yet got mad at us and threw a cup of coffee straight into our window.”

“Yeah, and that stuff was steaming. Literally! I could see the steam wafting from it!” Rainbow said before turning Blueblood with a mix of disbelief and admiration. “And you didn’t even flinch when it all landed on your face! All you did was light your horn long enough to get a napkin.” She chuckled, “Have to say, Blue boy, I didn’t expect you to be such a tough guy.”

Blueblood shrugged. “Yes, well, I know I used to be quite the ponce. However, a few years and several responsibilities added has a way of adding character.”

“Least that fella didn’t get away with it,” Applejack said with a shake of her head. “Amazin timin’, that tire of his blowin’ up right after. Sent his van off and wrapped around that light pole. That’s what I call a healthy servin’ of Karma.”

“Yes…Karma,” Blueblood quickly glanced left, right, then ahead again. “Yes, that’s exactly what happened.”

Most of the group seemed to accept that, but Applejack, Rarity, and Cadence sent suspicious glares toward Blueblood at how…quickly he answered.

Before the mares could question him, a quiet voice spoke up worriedly, “Oh, I hope that pony wasn’t hurt badly.” She hunched down at the incredulous looks this got her. “W-well, I mean. I know he wasn’t a good pony, b-but I don’t think he deserved to…um…”

“It’s alright, Flutters,” Rainbow said with a careless wave of her hand. “I looked back through the rear window in time to see him reach through his broke window and flip us the bird. If he could do that, then he turned out just fine.”1

Blueblood cursed under his breath, though not low enough to avoid Cadence’s notice. She opened her mouth to press Blueblood for answers but was interrupted by a crash from the other side of the lobby.

“WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! IGNORANT DUMMKOPF!!!”

The shout quickly drew the group’s attention, as well as that of everypony in the lobby, toward the commotion. It was likely one of the oddest sights to take place in the hotel since it’s construction and possibly the strangest that would be seen. Two earth pony stallions, one grayish with a brown green mane/tail and the other brown with yellow mane/tail, stood nervously holding boxes while a third, this one a red unicorn with silver mane/tail, stood by a dropped box, presumably the source of the crash, with his arms crossed and a bored expression. Further behind the group was a…something. It was shaped vaguely like a pony but stood nine feet tall with four-foot-wide shoulders. The dark, baggy clothing and hood over its head it wore made it impossible to judge its physical features. It might have been an unusually tall minotaur, but the hood confirmed its lack of horns. It lacked wings and had a bit too much clumsy bulk to be a dragon. It carried a long crate big enough to hold a pony in one arm as easily as if holding a box of roses. The source of the furious yelling came from a wizened unicorn stallion wearing a lab coat and sitting in a wheelchair. This one drew even more gazes than the giant. His brown fur seemed to be permanently scorched in some spots despite the apparent protection of his lab coat and his grey mane was untidy. His horn appeared cracked with a couple of wires sticking from it and occasionally sending sparks about in time with his temper. The most disconcerting thing about him was the fact that one of his eyes was twice the size of the other and seemed to constantly swerve around in its socket completely independent of the other.

At the moment, he was waving one of his hands accusingly at the bored stallion while leaning the other on the arm of his wheelchair. “If you spent half as much time focusing on ze task as you did ogling every pretty face zat walked by, zen ve vould have been done hours ago! Und for Faust’s sake, be careful! Ze contents of zese boxes are vorth more zan a zousand beach bums like you!”

“Okay, first off, Geezer,” the younger stallion started off, ignoring the frantic headshaking of the other two stallions, “I’m no beach bum. I’m the beach king. Been one three years running and soon to be four when I win the tournament coming up.”

“Your parents must be zo proud,” the wheelchair bound stallion said flatly before muttering, “assuming such mouz breazers could register such an emotion.”

“And second off,” the young stallion continued as he either ignored or failed to hear the second part, “I’m pretty sure no ponies’ life depends on preventing a few dings and dents to this crap.”

The stallion in the wheelchair regarded the youth’s smug face for a moment before touching the switch on the chair arm bringing him closer. Despite the obvious height difference, the younger stallion’s smugness waned slightly under the intense glare, from both eyes at the moment, from the crippled unicorn.

“Tell me…beach king,” the lab coated stallion muttered softly, not bothering to hide his scorn on the title. “If you stood at ze center of an explosion zat leveled five city blocks, vould you survive?”

“Uhh…no?” the young stallion said with a hint of uncertainty as he finally seemed to realize that this might not be the best time for an attitude.

“Zen I’m pretty sure your life does depend on preventing a few ‘dings and dents’,” he sat there leaving the statement and thinly veiled threat to hang in the air as his left eye went back to swiveling around. He eventually sat back, “Now bring zose boxes to room 523 minus ‘dings and dents’ or I’ll have you all dissected.” Everypony in hearing range shivered, both at the threat and how he casually made it as one might say ‘or else I’ll hold your allowance’ or ‘I’ll slap your hands with a ruler.’

“Igor!” the wheelchair bound stallion barked.

“I pick things up I put them down,” the giant dutifully answered in a voice so low it seemed impossible to be natural.

“Take your package to room 523 und gently, gently I say, put it down wizin ze room.”

“I pick things up I put them down,” Igor acknowledged with a bow of its head before making its way with heavy steps that seemed to shake the entire lobby.

“Und for Faust’s sake! Use ze stairs! I’d rather not have anozer elevator added to ze budget.”

The lumbering paused for a full minute before continuing in a new direction.
The lab coated stallion shook his head and sighed tiredly before turning his wheelchair and making way to something that seemed to catch his attention far more than the annoyances around him.

“Sentinel, are you crazy!?” the gray stallion holding their boxes asked when the lab coated stallion rolled out of earshot. “It’s bad enough that you signed us up for this insane job! Now you’re picking fights with the equally insane boss?!”

“Aren’t you the one that said we needed the work for some extra money to tide us over till the games, Gravel?” Sentinel asked archly.

“Yeah, but I was thinking something a bit more thought out than signing up for the first lunatic that offered!”

“Meh, money is money and we’re almost done anyway.” Sentinel shrugged. His eyes drifted as he lifted his box up before they landed on a sight that demanded his attention. “Holy shit. Am I seeing things or is that Princess Twilight?!”

“Unless we’re both hallucinating a lavender alicorn, yes,” Gravel answered dryly.

“Hmmm. Didn’t the papers say something about her coltfriend being tossed in prison?” Sentinel asked as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully before smiling. “Hey, maybe I should offer to…cheer her up?”

“Wha-” Gravel stuttered disbelievingly before managing to articulate his shock. “We were just threatened with dissection and the first thing you think of is finding a way to bang one of the princesses!?”

“Oh gods, Sentinel, you’re so frickin cool holy shiiiiit!!” exclaimed the scratchy voice of the brown coated stallion holding the other box. Gravel simply glared at the encouragement thinking, not for the first time, that the moron had taken way too many volts to the head trying to work his free cable scams.

“Thanks for the awkward praise, Shocker,” Sentinel said in passing to his brother before turning back to Gravel, “And you keep your panties from bunching up. We’ll get this job over with and meet with the rest of the crew later to hang out before we start training for the games. Besides,” he turned toward the Princess and her group with a confident grin, “we got all summer for me to tap that.”

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the lobby, Twilight and the rest looked on warily as the stallion that had been yelling minutes ago rolled his way toward them. Once he came to a stop he smiled, waved, and called out in a far friendlier tone than what he had demonstrated with the moving stallions. “Gutten Tag, Princess Cadence, Consort Armor. Und of course Blueblood, old friend!” he nodded as he addressed each pony.

Cadence and Shining responded politely, if somewhat nervously, while Blueblood laughed warmly and stepped forward to grab the other stallion’s hand without hesitation. “Good day to you as well, Doctor. Thank you for taking the time to come.”

“Bah! It’s not like I have anyzing better to do with my free time,” the doctor responded gruffly even as his eyes crinkled with mirth.

“Und you,” the doctor said interestedly as he regarded turned to Twilight. “You vould be Doctor Twilight Sparkle.”

“A, mister? Ah think you’re a mite confused,” Applejack put in slowly. “Twi’s a princess not a doctor.”

“Nein, nien. Zere is no confusion. I simply have no interest vasting time wiz royal titles. You can keep Princess Twilight,” the doctor waved his hands dismissively. He ignored some of the sour looks his disregard for royalty got and turned to Twilight with a crooked smile. “I much prefer Doctor Twilight, ze scholar. Your first doctorate at twelve years old? Impressive. Und zat zesis on the zeories of Magic potential half-life from first surge to maturity? Academia has gone far too long wizout your sort of innovation und passion. I’d vager Celestia spent years beating off universities und research labs in order to keep you as her protégée.”

Those that didn’t grow up with Twilight reacted with varying reactions of shock, admiration, and wonder. As for Twilight? She simply blinked in surprise as she tried to fight back the blush in her face and deal with the overwhelming sense of pride and joy at the comments. She had become reluctantly accustomed to acknowledgements of her royal status but couldn’t deny being thrilled at somepony finally noting her academic achievements. “W-well, um. Thank you, Doctor…?” She blinked. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage.”

“Ach! Entschuldigung, fraulein. It seems my manners have abandoned me during my seclusion. My name is Doctor Strangelove.”2

“Emphasis on strange,” Rainbow muttered softly before grunting as Applejack elbowed her.

“W-wait. That’s not possible.” Everypony turned to see Twilight’s eyes wide in shock. “Doctor Strangelove is a myth! That or he’s just a name for several ponies. Or are you claiming to be a direct descendent of Starswirl the Bearded, writer of fifty thesis works that re-shaped the Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns’ standards and most scientific fields and set the highest standard for arcane theory?!”

Strangelove smirked, “Vell, I never claimed to be Starsvirl’s descendent.”

“I can verify to his identity,” everypony directed a surprised look to Blueblood who shrugged. “We’ve been friends for years and he’s actually here helping with a royal project.” Cadence and Shining nodded in agreement.

Twilight could only stand there shivering at the confirmation. She could feel her whole being held in the grip in the sort of childlike awe and excitement as one might have felt learning that Santa Hooves was real and planned on visiting them to offer every gift they ever wanted and take them on a tour of the North Pole workshop. Her eyes were wide, her pupils shrunk to pinpricks, and she seemed on the verge of hyperventilating.

“Oh. My. Gosh. YOU’RE REAL!!” she knelt down in front of the doctor. “Doctor, this is such an honor. So many of my reports drew from your work! Heck, I’ve memorized each thesis you ever made!”

“Oh, my dear fraulein. I’m afraid zat is quite impossible,” Strangelove chuckled.

“But it’s true!” Twilight said with emphatic nods of her head. “I’ve read all fifty of them! I started out having my mom read them to me in bed when I was little and then-”

“You misunderstand, fraulein,” Strangelove said with a fatherly smile and a hand motioning for her to slow down. “I believe you read zose fifty. Ze problem is zose fifty you read vere only ze ones of my work released to the public.”

Twilight froze and her breath caught in her throat for a moment. “There…there are more?” She whispered in wonder.

“Tventy zat Celestia held back. Some silliness about public safety,” he openly scoffed at such ‘silliness.’ “And zos are just ze ones I bozered putting to parchment. I’ve got a few dozen more,” he tapped on the side of his forehead, “rattling around in here until I get bored enough to jot zem down.” He raised an eyebrow as the gestured to Twilight, “Or until I found anozer scholar vorth sharing zem wiz.”

The revelation and gesture left Twilight openmouthed and staring. “I’m spending my entire summer in this hotel,” she breathed dumbfounded.

The Doctor’s left eye focused on Twilight and the pupil blinked white once before going back to observing everything. A small frown crossed his face as he muttered, “Zat may be truer zan you realize.”

“Hmm?” Twilight hummed in confusion.

“Hey, I think I actually remember you from somewhere,” Rainbow spoke up. “Aren’t you the guy they locked up for making, like, seven doomsday devices?”

“Und always, it comes back to zat!” the Doctor muttered as he rubbed his face in exasperation. He spoke louder, lacking much of the joviality he had when talking with Twilight, “Nein! I vas not locked up! I vas placed in protective custody!” He glared back at Rainbow who stepped closer to Applejack as she realized this might have been one of those times to keep quiet. “Und I did not make seven doomsday devices!” he barked before looking down and frowning almost petulantly. “I only made ze one. Anozer failed ze testing stage and ze ozers never made it past formula.”

“And what did the doomsday device you made do?” Spike couldn’t help asking as his inner comic book fan demanded they hear more about this real-life mad scientist.

“Ze next time you find yourself in private viz Princess Celestia, ask vhy Equis no longer has two moons.”

“Umm. I’m pretty sure we never had two moons,” Starlight put forth nervously. “I mean, wouldn’t somepony remember that?”

The Doctor’s twisted grin caused the mare to shiver as he answered softly, “Ya. Ya you vould zink zat, vouldn’t you?” His amused chuckles caused the mare’s grip to tighten on her coltfriend’s arm.

“Okay, this might be a stupid question,” Rainbow began.

“Vat? Zey all aren’t coming from you?” Strangelove asked in feigned confusion.
Rainbow’s eye twitched and she felt Applejack tense angrily beside her but continued while putting a hand on her marefriend’s elbow. “What happened with that one you said failed testing?”

Strangelove groaned. “Vell, I alvays held a fascination viz Discord’s ability to shift reality und causality viz apparent ease. Ze failed project vas designed to imbue a pony viz zese abilities. I created a conduit connecting zis universe wiz ze chaotic energies in ze void in hopes zat a pony touching said conduit vould develop zese abilities zrough tactile contact. I dropped it off in a quiet area for noticeable results. Zere vere even four subjects zat came in contact.”

“Let me guess,” Rainbow said snidely. “Nothing happened?”

“Oh somzing happened. Just not vat I vanted. One lost the ability for aggression, one became perpetually aggressive, und one lost ability to emote altogezer. Ze last vas most disappointing as she seemed to show promise but had nozing happen aside from a change in coat co-” The doctor cut himself off, blinked, and looked to the side of the group. “Umm. Pardon if zis seems abrupt but…vat is your name, fraulien?”

“Oh, me? I’m Pinkie Pie!” the party pony chirped.

“Pie. Ya, ya. Und does your family come from a quiet profession? Somezing like, oh say, blacksmiz, bakers, or hmmm,” he hummed and tilted his head back and forth lightly as if searching for a term before flatly saying, “a rock farm, perhaps?”

“Yupperoni! The Pie farm is the bestest, and most profitable rock farm in Equestria!”

“Ya, gut, ya ya,” Strangelove nodded absently as he stroked his chin thoughtfully with one hand and tapped the handle of his wheelchair with the other. “Perhaps it vas a success after all.”

As one, the entire group, save Dizzy who may have stuck by due to exhaustion rather than loyalty, took a step away from the pink pony. Twilight simply regarded her pink friend with a blank stare and an eye twitch.

“Now I’m sure you’d love to talk some more,” Cadence said hurriedly hoping to cut off a breakdown from Twilight, “but I believe the good Doctor still has that project to finish?”

“Ya, Princess. Business before pleasure,” the Doctor nodded wearily before turning to Twilight with a friendlier smile. “If you like, fraulien, I’ll be sure to leave a message viz ze front desk ven an opening in ze schedule occurs for a proper discussion.”

“I’m looking forward to it!” Twilight said excitedly with a smile wide enough to rival Pinkie’s best.

“Until zen.” The sounds of whirling of gears and the buzz of electricity trailed after the Doctor as his wheelchair rolled away.

“Well, that was…” Starlight trailed off.

“Yes, it, uh, sure was…” her coltfriend Sunburst agreed.

“Yeah, really…uh,” Rainbow tried.

“AMAZING!!!” the entire group jumped at Twilight’s yell and turned to see her pulling Spike in a massive hug and swinging him back and forth. “Did you see the…?! He was really…! Ohmygosh, this summer is going to be the best!!”

“Uhh, yeah. The best,” Spike mumbled as he tried to fight back that returning feeling of his body heating up in the wake of the torturous bliss of feeling Twilight’s soft chest pressed against him even as she threatened to crush his lungs with her alicorn enhanced hugs. It took the joint effort of pleas from Shining, Starlight, and Rarity as well as brute force from Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Cadence and Blueblood’s magic to pry her off and calm her down. The group, with an embarrassed Twilight gingerly clinging to Spike’s arm, chatted each other about their plans for the summer as they made their way to the elevator. Half way there, the elevator opened for Sentinel and his friends to walk out eager to conclude their day’s work.

Sentinel blinked in surprise as he noticed Twilight with her arm around a purpled dragon. Really?!, he thought, She moved on from a pony to some lizard!? Guess this’ll be easier than I thought. He cricked his neck, “You know what guys? I think now’s the time. I’m going in.”

“Wait, Sentinel, I really think you should-” Gravel began.

“Oh gods, Sentinel, you’re so frickin cool holy shiiiiit!!” Shocker scratched out over Gravel’s attempted offer of good sense.

Looking forward to hearing that alicorn moan his name, he strolled up to her with a confident grin. “Hey, babe. How about you ditch the gecko for somepony who can really rock your-”

“Not interested,” Twilight said coldly before tightening her grip on Spike’s arm and brushing past Sentinel who froze in shock with that grin plastered on his face. The rest of the group didn’t bother hiding their own smirks and sniggering as they made their way past him to the elevator.

As soon as the doors closed, a voice scratched out, “Oh gods, Sentinel, you suck!!”

**

“Sooo anypony know why we’re here?” Rainbow asked peevishly. “Instead of finishing the day off trying that awesome bar lounge the hotel has? You know, the way we should be ending a long day at a luxury hotel?”

“The same thin’ we told ya the last couple dozen times ya asked,” Applejack huffed irritably from beside Rainbow on the couch. “We’re waitin’ fer the Princesses ta meet us on account’a some issues they say need ta be aired out.”

Just as the vacationers had finished unpacking and agreed on a plan to wrap up their day, hotel staff arrived to announce that the Princesses wished to meet them in one of the conference rooms. Their nerves had already been deeply frayed from the long trip, car ride from Tartarus, and craziness at the lobby without this sudden summons. That was before they actually made it to the room.

Instead of the clean room and elegant furniture reserved for CEOs as like those they glanced through open doors on their way down, it seemed more like a storage room. Wallpaper was left half applied, random objects including a mini fridge, some dishware and glasses they may have considered for the lounge, makeup and prop pieces for floorshows, and a couple of side tables had been hastily pushed to the side, and the remaining furniture left for the girls were mismatched and clearly meant for samples provided to the interior designers to consider from earlier days as the hotel was first furnished. If it hadn’t been for Cadence, Shining, and Blueblood waiting there to assure them, they might have assumed the whole summons had be a ruse.

The group had done their best to make themselves comfortable as they waited for the Princesses to arrive but tensions were rising amongst the friends. Rarity seemed to become more and more a bundle of nerves from the frequent glares Pinkie Pie gave from across the room any time they happened meet gazes. The mismatched and tacky décor, the peeling leopard print couch in particular, tweaking the poor fashionista’s OCD certainly wasn’t helping. Rainbow was handling the circumstances with her usual ‘grace and patience’ leaving Applejack with the tedious job of reigning her in. Twilight couldn’t seem to decide on whether to worry about why they were there, her feelings for Spike, or Spike’s recent fantasies whereas poor Spike was torn between his own worries similar to Twilight’s as well as the tensions among his friends that he noticed but couldn’t pin down. The rest were simply alternating between sitting quietly and making flimsy attempts at conversation as they struggled to weather this hurricane of awkward.

As soon as the doors opened to reveal the Princesses, the group stood and began barraging the two with questions. When the questions didn’t show any sign of letting up, Celestia motioned with a hand for quiet. They eventually complied and quickly sat with embarrassed expressions at their own behavior as the Princesses stepped forward and took the two remaining seats.

“Firstly, I would like to thank you all for coming,” Celestia said with a small nod of her head. “I realize you would all likely prefer to be ending this day resting, but there is something that I feel I must say.

“Spike,” she said hesitantly as she allowed her political mask to slip long enough to reveal a rare moment of uncertainty before bowing low from her seat. “I…I am so sorry for failing you, my son.” The sheer sorrow in that one sentence stunned the entire group.

“Mom,” Spike said gently after recovering before the others. “You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t do anything-”

“Exactly,” Celestia. She rose from her bow showing the heartbreaking sight of her grief-stricken face with tears flowing freely. “I did nothing. A parent’s greatest responsibility is to see that their child is prepared to fend for themselves. You knew nothing of your race’s ways to avoid trouble nor were you equipped to defend yourself. And before you say anything about our country’s general lack of knowledge on the subject, remember that being a princess meant I possessed enough influence and resources to find something. If nothing else, I could have assigned somepony to train you in self-defense.

“But I did not. I never bothered because I still saw a child to be sheltered or at least safe enough that you did not need to be pushed forward to stand on your own. And you paid the price for that negligence.” Everypony wanted to say something to reassure Celestia, but they could only look down and fidget as they failed to say anything. What could they say to any of that?

After a few more minutes of tense silence Celestia sniffed, drew a shaky breath and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Even with the power to move the sun, I cannot go back to change those poor decisions. I can, however, start making some better ones now: starting with being more open with you.

“The girls have brought you on this trip both to recover from your injuries and to be with you to celebrate your coming birthday. What you don’t realize is that you are entering something called a rutt cycle.”

“Princess, is this really a good-” Twilight began.

“Ignoring these issues has only worsened the situation,” Luna cut off severely.

Spike glanced around at the shocked and worried faces nervously before speaking up. “What issues? What’s going to happen?”

Celestia turned back to Spike with a sad expression and spoke softly. “It is something akin to a mare’s heat week. The differences being that this will be much more severe and will last several months.” Celestia ignored the group’s shock, none of them knew enough to suspect the rutt would be that bad, and continued, “In moments you become particularly aroused, you will experience blackouts. During these blackouts your body will operate on pure instinct driving you to seek out several females to mate with, willing or not. Worse yet, any female taken in this way may be marked during the mating through your innate dragon magic creating a bond that could force them to remain yours. You would not be able to remove this mark until after the rutt cycle when you are able to maintain conscious thought during intercourse. Even then, kind as you are, you would have to fight your draconic instincts just to let them go.”

The group stared at the Princesses in horror before frantic exclamations filled the air.

“Dude! Spike’s going to what?!”

“Not our Spikey!”

“He’d never be such a meanie!”

“But what if they’re right? What can we do?”

“How are we supposed to-?”

“ENOUGH!!” Luna bellowed silencing everypony. “Have many of you not saved our world time and again? Has panicking ever aided us? No! My sister said we are addressing the issue, and we are. Calm down and show some faith.”

The ponies in the room had the good sense to look abashed at their actions as a small voice spoke up. “S-so…you’re saying I won’t hurt anypony?”

The fear in Spike’s voice drew near heartbroken looks from most of the room, Celestia in particular. “No son,” she said softly. “Not if I have anything to say about it. Steps have been taken to educate you on your heritage, help you cope with this cycle, and perhaps even help you heal your recent heartache.”

“Umm. What steps would those be?” Twilight asked uncertainly. “And how do you know so much about the rutt cycle now? You didn’t seem to know any more than we did at the hospital.”
“Many of the holes in our knowledge on dragon kind have been filled after consulting an…expert,” Celestia’s mouth twisted in distaste much to the confusion of everyone in the room.

“Does Canterlot actually have experts on dragon’s?” Starlight asked in confusion as she looked to her coltfriend who shrugged.

“I certainly didn’t hear of any when I studied in Canterlot,” Starburst confessed.

“He is an expert on many things…just don’t ask him how he got that way,” Celestia muttered.

“Now now, Celestia. No need to make it sound as if I ver some necromancer,” an accented voice said archly drawing the room’s attention to the hallway door where Doctor Strangelove rolled in accompanied by his massive assistant. “I’ve seen zeir notes and zey are far too sloppy and crude for my tastes.”

Most were too surprised by the expert’s reveal and entrance to speak although Applejack did manage to bring something up. “Woah, now. Jus’ wait one minute,” she said looking suspiciously at the two figures. “I remember that big fella practically shakin’ the whole floor with every step he took. How come you two managed to stroll through the hallway without us even noticing until you made your little entrance?”

“I’ll explain later, Fraulein,” Strangelove assured.3 “In ze mean time, I believe our fair princess was about to make an announcement?”

Celestia glared at the doctor for a time until she sighed and turned back to Spike. “Well, son, you see…I-” she bit her lip in an uncharacteristic show of hesitancy. “That is…to deal with your education, rutt cycle, and his dating issue we…may have…That is we-”

“What sister is trying to say in her spectacularly nervous way,” Luna broke in dryly, “is that we have arranged for Spike to be betrothed.”

The entire room somehow blinked as one in shock confusion at the announcement.

“Hold on. Isn’t that a bit-?” Starlight began.

“LIKE TARTARUS HE IS!!!”

The enraged shout drew flabbergasted looks from the room to Twilight whose face was twisted in rage. Cadence’s glance differed as she wore a more thoughtful expression regarding the youngest alicorn in the room. Finally noticing the stares, Twilight’s burst of anger petered out and devolved into embarrassed fidgeting. “I-I mean…um. Isn’t that unfair to Spike?”

“Yeah. We brought Spike on this vacation to relax not hurt his feelings,” Rainbow said, confusing everypony before she spoke to Luna. “Also, Princess, you might want to check up on your slang. It’s just ‘trolled.’ There’s no ‘be’ in there.”

This received facepalms from the rest of the room aside from Igor who stood stoic and the doctor who sent an incredulous look to the multicolored mare and asked, “How do you function?!”

“She said ‘betrothed’ not ‘betrolled’, Rainbow,” Rarity broke in delicately before a fight could start. “It means the Princesses are arranging for Spike to marry someone they chose for him.”

“Oh…Well, that sounds pretty uncool, too,” Rainbow answered offhandedly.

“We are not forcing Spike into this,” Celestia spoke up and turned to Spike imploringly. “This candidate wasn’t just chosen for her knowledge on dragon’s. She was also picked because we believe her to be a girl you could genuinely grow to care for. However, you will have the final say in this and can call it off if you choose. All I ask that you give her a chance. In fact, she should be here now with the doctor present.”

Spike closed his eyes and frowned in thought. He had remained quiet since the announcement. This had understandably upset him, yet, he also understood that his mom was only trying to help. Eventually he sighed and looked back up. “Well, if nothing else, I should at least meet her. I mean, she probably came a pretty long way just to be here, right?”

“Junge, you have no idea,” Strangelove said dryly before clapping his hands twice. At his signal, a feminine figure slowly walked in with her hands folded in front of her. The group of friends showed varying reactions from surprise to distrust.

“Well, I will admit that she pulls off that white sundress quite well,” Rarity put in unsurely.

“Yeah, but is this a good idea?” Rainbow asked with a frown. “No offence kid, but we haven’t actually had much luck with dragonesses or dragons in general lately. I doubt Spike is really going to-”

“That’s not possible.” The group turned at the whispered denial to see Twilight who looked at the newcomer with wide, disbelieving eyes.

Their confusion grew as Spike simply stood and walked to figure as if in a trance. A few of them gasped as he gently placed his hand on her cheek to which the girl simply answered with a sweet smile and touched his hand with her own blue scaled hand. “Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner, tough guy.”

Author's Note

1) Whatever changes I've made, one thing I'm keeping from the original is that no one dies. For those that may be worried that certain individuals may not be getting their just deserts, don't be. I've got...plans for them.

2) In the style of Whose Line is it Anyway, I offer 100 pretend points and a virtual pat on the back to the first commenter for each of the each of the three referenced characters they notice I based him off of. Also, let it be noted that my knowing of one of those characters isn't due to me being old. It's having old parents that loved even older movies.

3) Any classic Whovians out there will likely recognize this from the school of Who as shorthand for "I'll explain later when we are off camera and don't have to worry about our readers calling us out on our pseudoscience"

So update! Constructive criticism welcome!