Dust blasted through the air as a magically-pushed wooden cart rolled down the desert road with nopony pulling it. Inside the cart were three tied-up fillies who couldn't stop blinking and a little dragon who was rubbing his eyes.

"Doctor, I can't see anything!" Twilight Sparkle shouted and screamed as the cart hit a rock and jumped briefly. Dr Whooves held onto her. "For the love of Celestia, don't slow down!" he shouted back and turned to look behind them. His eyes widened as the blue pegasus was still on their tail. "She's gonna catch us! Twilight, I'm gonna need more speed! And turn left! No, NOT SO MU-!" Dr Whooves screamed as the cart ran off the road and broke apart in a ditch.

As everypony moaned in confusion, pain and nausea, the Time Lord threw off the planks of wood covering him and returned to the road, defiantly aiming his sonic screwdriver at the oncoming blue pegasus.

12 hours earlier...

Dr Whooves sighed, staring at the clock he was currently working on. This one was a particularly irritating case, as some filly had irreverently stuck it full of bubblegum and then tossed it down the stairs. The mechanisms were a complete mess. But that was not the reason he was tired. Clocks were child's play to a Time Lord. And that was the problem. He'd never felt this bored in his entire life.

Being the town clocksmith was as close as he'd ever get to honest work, but every second of his life passed dreadfully slowly at the sound of a thousand ticks at once from all the various timekeeping devices ready to be sold. Often, he simply had to distract himself by building increasingly intricate mechanisms for a variety of purposes: music boxes, works of art, even a rudimentary computer. Most of them would never be sold, but it helped to pass the time.

The reason behind the good Doctor's fatigue was simple: he was a family stallion now, and couldn't afford to risk his neck fighting space monsters or fend off the occasional flesh-eating shadow. Those days were past him now and his TARDIS gathered dust in the Whooves' living room. It was Derpy's one and only condition to accepting his marriage proposal - that he would not endanger himself or them by going offworld ever again.

"Dinky needs his daddy." She said firmly, looking as cross as she could with her one good eye. "I don't want you to come home five months later instead of five days, or worse, covered in burns from Dalek gunfire. I want you here. With us. You're ours for good now, Daddy Whooves."

Daddy Whooves. He loved that, and he loved his wife and daughter dearly, so he'd accepted, and locked the doors of the blue box. And now, life had grinded to halt... tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock...

Fortunately, the time had finally come to an end, and the pony gratefully closed down the store and left the mangled clock behind to deal with tomorrow. At least home, with his beloved Derpy and Dinky, he was never bored for a minute. Before he could head back though, as he was buying some groceries, a strange, yet... familiar smell caught his nose. Of course, with Time Lords, familiar is all relative - they had the capacity to recognise nearly any smell in the universe from its chemical composition. But this wasn't a smell that belonged to the rustic Ponyville, especially not the market.

It was very faint... his interest piqued now, Dr Whooves put on his saddlebag and abandoned the shopping for a moment to wander around and identify the odd scent. It was artificial... an unusual chemical... the slightest sensation of burning(something cooking?)... Whooves' first instinct was that it was a chemistry experiment drifting over from the nearby school, but the complexity of the chemical didn't add up.

Finally, he tracked the smell down to Twilight Sparkle's tree house, and relaxed. Of course. Twilight was a keen student of practically everything(in some ways, she reminded him of his young self) and it wasn't particularly surprising to notice her experimenting with chemistry. But something still bothered him, and he couldn't really tell what, so he decided to pay her a visit.

On the library door, a large sign read "CLOSED". Of course, she wouldn't want to be disturbed... but what was she doing? Why was it setting off some kind of an alarm in him? Hmm... well, he could always say he smelled something and got worried...

Dr Whooves pulled out his sonic screwdriver from underneath his collar, quietly unlocked the door and slipped in, making as little sound as possible. Interestingly, the experiment wasn't being conducted in the library itself. Putting his grocery bags down, Whooves quickly checked the upper floor, but there was no one there.

"Hmm..." He wondered whether he should risk turning the sonic on again to isolate the source of the chemical, but decided against it, mostly to avoid ruining the surprise. The Doctor loved surprises.

Finally, his nose led him to a bookcase. "A hidden door? Twilight, you naughty thing..." He mumbled and scanned the bookcase for the appropriate book to pull out. What would Twilight consider to be the most boring book of the bunch, that nobody would never-ever pick up from the shelf?

"A-ha... 'Daring-Doo Junior... everyone hated that one." On a whim, he pulled the book out. Nothing happened. "Evidently not enough." He grumbled and shoved the book back in, deep enough to activate a click, and force the bookcase to turn side-ways, revealing a tunnel and a stairway, illuminated dramatically with torches. The opening also sent a chemical whiff up into his nose. The sudden increase in potency easily enabled him to identify it. "Methoofmetamine! Twilight Sparkle's cooking meth! And here I thought life had no more wonders for me."

The Time Lord felt himself shivering with anticipation. Finally a mystery to solve, and not even a dangerous one(yet)! Leaving the grocery bag behind to avoid contamination, and taking slow, deliberate steps, Dr Whooves followed the torches down into an elaborate laboratory where indeed, Twilight Sparkle and her assistant Spike were busy at work concocting crystalline methoofmetamine. His grin dropped suddenly when he looked at the meth itself though. "Miss Sparkle, may I interrupt?"

Twilight squeaked and would've dropped the vial, if it weren't for her magic. Spike trying to go on the offensive. "Hey-hey-hey, the sign clearly said CLOSED!"

Whooves grinned. "Awwww, but I couldn't resist, especially since I could smell that all the way to the market! Not to worry though, got a special nose, I'm sure everyone's as oblivious as ever."

"A-are you gonna give us up?" Twilight asked quietly, her head lowered in shame.

"Me? Noooo! Why would I give you up? All you're doing is putting chemicals together, it's the idiots who actually snort the thing that need giving up." Whooves said in a jovial tone, and examined Twilight's equipment. "But you're not doing a very good job, are you?" He pointed his hoof at the packages of finished crystal. "I'm assuming all of that is headed for the trash bin."

Spike's eyes widened and he crossed his arms. "What do you know about cooking meth?"

Whooves rested his hoof on the young dragon's shoulder. "What don't I know about cooking meth? It's a fairly straightforward process. I've got a bit of time before I really need to get home, but I suppose I could give you a few tips."

"Would you, Doctor?" Twilight seemed to jump at the oppurtunity. She was perfectly aware of the Doctor's vast intelligence, and itched for an oppurtunity to work with him on something. "Would you really?"
"I don't see why not... supposing of course, that I get the proper credit and the bits that are my due." Whooves said, smiling.

Spike snarled. "That's it! He just wants to cut in on business!"

"He can take it out of my side of the payment, Spike." Twilight said, before turning to Dr Whooves. "I'm only doing this for a bit of a thrill, you know? But I'd love to know how to perfect the process."

"And I'd love to teach you something new! See? Everybody wins!" Whooves said and pounded his hooves together as he gazed at the laboratory. It was like a work of art waiting to be made.

Within a short period, Dr Whooves had taken complete control over Twilight's methoofmetamine lab, after spending 15 minutes advising his new pupil on how to properly decontaminate the area and seal it off to prevent the slightest leak of chemical smell, even perceptible enough for a Time Lord. The shift in power rendered Spike rather irrelevant, since now Twilight herself was in the assistant role. The little dragon, when not asked to hold something, sulked in the corner as the two brainiacs cheerfully rambled on about chemical reactions, the necessary amounts for this and that, environments and so forth...

After several hours, the new batch of methoofmetamine was finally complete and the three stared down at their own reflections in the glass.

"It's beautiful..." Spike mumbled as the Doctor reached for a hammer and stake to break it up, shattering their images.

"Doctor, this is truly incredible work." Twilight said in awe. Dr Whooves shrugged. "It's just chemistry. You're a clever girl, I'm sure you'll get the hang of it in no time." The pegasus blushed at the compliment. Whooves looked at his watch. "Blimey, and the time's just gone and flown away from me. What time do you want us to hand over the product?"

Twilight turned to the dragon. "Spike, timetable?"

"Right!" Spike took out a notebook and checked Twilight's schedule. "Breakfast with Fluttershy... studying floral magic... visiting a school to talk about the Elements of Harmony... aaaand drug dealing at 11:00 PM Tuesday."

Whooves frowned. "Isn't today Tuesday?"

"Yep!" Spike said.

Twilight, realising what was on the Time Lord's mind, tried to reassure him. "You don't have to come with us, we'll hand it over and you can come pick up your cut whenever. Derpy must be worried already."

"Hmm... no, I'll come." Whooves said confidently. "I've got a few hours, I'll go back home and then you meet you all back here at 10:45. That good?"

Twilight frowned. "I guess." Ignoring her expression, Whooves trotted back up again, grabbed his saddlebag and left the treehouse. It was already dusk.

"He's hooooooooome!" Was the squeal that faced Dr Whooves as he set a hoof back into his house, shortly before it was tackled by little Dinky.

Whooves giggled as he struggled to get in. "Hello, Dinky!" He affectionately rubbed her head. Derpy trotted into the corridor with a disapproving look. "Timey? Where were you so long?" she asked, using her pet name for him. "The shop closed down 2 and a half hours ago."

"I went on a hike." He said and kissed Derpy on the cheek. "And... I got muffins!" Whooves pulled a paper bag full of warm muffins out of the bag, distracting his wife. He hated to manipulate her like this, but there was really no easy way to say that he'd been busy making drugs. Pony morality differed vastly from the more objective Time Lord perspective. Oh well, everypony had their secrets. He'd have nothing more to do with Twilight's admittedly dangerous operation anyway(mental note: give Twilight a stern talking-to about selling drugs).

After Dinky was finally put to bed, Whooves and Derpy relaxed on the sofa under a blanket and put on a movie. The stallion's eyes drifted to the clock. 9:55.

"Derpy..."

"Hmm?"

"Do you mind if I pop over to the Apples' Farm?" Whooves said off the cuff, picking the Apples' Farm as the place where he'd plausibly be the longest. "I was thinking of baking apple pies with Dinky in the weekend."

Derpy hugged him possessively. "What, now? Can't you go tomorrow? They're open all day."

"Well, I'm not waking up earlier in the morning, and if I go haggling tomorrow, it'll take away all the time we need to bake. And learn to bake. And throw apples around because that's how we rrrrrollll." He said, making her giggle and nuzzle him. "I'll be back in a jiffy." He said, before kissing her on the lips.

"Say hi to the Apples for me!" Derpy called from the sofa as he headed to the door. "Eeyup!" Whooves replied in a perfect imitation of Big Macintosh. He put on his finest green tie.

Twilight and Spike were already waiting in front of the tree house on a borrowed wooden cart, with a barrel of the methoofmetamine stacked on it. Whooves snorted as he saw them. "Well, a true gentleman will go far for a lady, but having to drag you all around is a bit of a stretch, no?"

The pegasus rolled her eyes. "Climb on, Doctor."

Raising an eyebrow, Whooves took Twilight's hoof and hopped onto the cart, which then proceeded to move on its own accord down the road. Twilight's horn was glowing.

"Very impressive." Whooves said genuinely, being unfamiliar with magic. "I love it!"

Twilight blushed again and almost lost control of the cart, though Whooves didn't realise it. Having grown up alongside her, Spike did and sent her a warning glare.

Soon enough, the cart arrived in a remote location in the desert, near a set of train tracks, where three sunglasses-donning fillies awaited coolly. Whooves blinked as he recognised them. "The... Cutie Mark Crusaders? Our drug dealers are the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

Applebloom grinned and corrected her shades for dramatic effect. "Gotta earn those cutie marks somehow!"

"Hey Twilight, you didn't tell us you were bringing in another partner!" Scootaloo accused.
Twilight made a defensive gesture with her hooves. "The Doctor found our lab, we didn't have much choice. Besides, he cooked better meth than either of us."

"That's right." Whooves said, tapping on the barrel. "You've seen methoofmetamine before... now get ready to see my product." He shoved the barrel off the cart and onto the ground, and then rolled it towards the trio of fillies. "Cooked in the gentle heat of a frozen supernova, with a polarised neutron flow and my finishing touch: it's sprinkled with positive ions!"

Sweetie Belle squinted her eyes. "Does any of that actually mean anything?"

Dr Whooves grinned. "Sure does, if you're smart!"
"What does that mean?" Spike whispered.
"Only that I'm smart." Whooves smiled widely at the girls again.

"Hold onto your shades, girls!" Applebloom said, pulling out a measurer. "This fancy glass here is 99 per cent!"

The three fillies all looked suspiciously at Whooves, who tugged at his collar in response. They then silently exchanged glances and pulled out three revolvers.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, girls!" Twilight shouted and stepped in front of Dr Whooves and Spike. "What's going on?!"

Applebloom chewed on a wheat head. "Nuthin' personal, miss Twilight! We just think it's mighty suspicious that your lab got found out by a nice, friendly meth genius of all ponies. Don't you?"

Whooves scowled. "Look, you've got nothing to worry about. I'm not planning to enter the business. I just showed miss Sparkle here some tricks, and since I cooked this particular batch, I deserved to come pick up my reward. You'll never have to deal with me again. Unless I'm your substitute teacher."

"Well, you see, that's the thing." Scootaloo pointed out. "Now you know who we are. And we can't just let you go." She cocked her gun.
"Unless..." Whooves started, catching the fillies' attention. He slowly procured a packet from underneath his collar. "I gave you this."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders slowly edged closer, curious. "You see, I've been experimenting too, and this... is my new product. A completely new, intensely addictive drug. I could give you the recipe, in exchange for my life. You'd be the sole providers. Your profits - tripled."

"Oh yeah?" Sweetie Belle asked. "We wanna see you try it." The three of them moved beside the Doctor, where they could be sure that any potential explosion wouldn't harm them. Whooves placed the packet on the ground and slowly opened it, revealing a silvery powder. "Now..." he said. "I'm assuming I have your permission to light this on fire?"

The three looked at one another. "Go for it." They said, moving away from him. Whooves procured a match from his personal matchbox and lit it on fire. He then closed his eyes and dropped the burning match on the substance.

BLAM!

The packet didn't exactly explode, but flashed so brightly that everyone behind Whooves who were unprepared, screamed as searing pain went through their eyes. Whooves quickly knocked the packet away with his hoof and sprung into action. He obtained all three revolvers, made makeshift hoofcuffs out of various pieces of clothing and a tough, stringy plant to restrain the fillies.

"What the hay is going on around there?" A voice shouted. Whooves looked up in terror and saw Rainbow Dash flying about in the distance, having presumably caught sight of the flashing powder. Quickly calculating(he really had to thank some deity for his Time Lord brain), Whooves realised the fillies could blame everything on him, including their own clandestine activities, and dragged them, along with the still-dazed Spike and Twilight, all into the cart.

"Twilight! Use your magic! Get us moving!" He shouted and shook Twilight. "My eyes hurt!" She screamed. Growling, the Doctor ran his sonic over her eyes briefly to at least obscure the pain. "Twilight... get this cart moving now or we'll all be caught." He snarled.

Finally his words made it through to Twilight...

Dust blasted through the air as a magically-pushed wooden cart rolled down the desert road with nopony pulling it. Inside the cart were three tied-up fillies who couldn't stop blinking and a little dragon who was rubbing his eyes.

"Doctor, I can't see anything!" Twilight Sparkle shouted and screamed as the cart hit a rock and jumped briefly. Dr Whooves held onto her. "For the love of Celestia, don't slow down!" he shouted back and turned to look behind them. His eyes widened as the blue pegasus was still on their tail. "She's gonna catch us! Twilight, I'm gonna need more speed! And turn left! No, NOT SO MU-!" Dr Whooves screamed as the cart ran off the road and broke apart in a ditch.

As everypony moaned in confusion, pain and nausea, the Time Lord threw off the planks of wood covering him and returned to the road, defiantly aiming his sonic screwdriver at the oncoming blue pegasus.

Suddenly, a brilliant idea hit him and he instead pointed the sonic at his fellow passengers writhing about in the dark ditch between bushes, muting their moaning. Finally, Rainbow Dash landed in front of him. "Oh, hey Dr. Whooves!" She said cheerfully.

Whooves conjured up a smile. "Hey yourself! We had a bit of an accident here, some fireworks went off. But don't worry, we'll find all the stuff we dropped, no help needed, we're good."

Rainbow Dash mopped her brow, not questioning anything since Whooves did have a rock solid reputation. "Phew, that's a relief! I was worried something serious was goin' on here! Well, I hope you get it all sorted out! See you around!"

"Have a lovely day, miss Dash!" Dr Whooves shouted after her and breathed a sigh of relief when the pegasus disappeared. Twilight, though her eyes were still red and sore, managed to get back on her hooves. "What was that?"

"Magnesium." Dr Whooves replied. "Used mainly for photography, but can also be applied as a very handy flash grenade."

"Yeah, I'll say..." Twilight trailed off. The two looked back into the ditch.

Whooves was the first to speak. "We, um... we gotta clean this up." He said in a detached voice.

Author's Note

Hope you enjoy this mad crossover lol, it's my first serious fanfic.