Rainbow Dash Beat Me at Sonic

"Hello, and welcome to the World of Pokemon!" said the old man. "My name is OAK."

"I know, dipshit," I said.

"You can call me the Pokemon Professor."

"Is there any way we can skip this?"

"This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon."

"Guess not."

"Some people keep them as pets. Others use them for battle."

I punched him in the face. He seemed to finally take a hint and got to the point. "Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"

"What does it look like?" I asked.

"So you are a girl?"

"NO! I'M A BOY!"

"What is your name?"

"Pixel Brightscreen."

"So your name is PIXEL BRIGHTSCR?"

"No. Brightscreen."

"So your name is BRIGHTSCREEN?"

"No! Just call me Pixel!"

"So your name is PICKLE?"

"Ugh, close enough..."

"This is my grandson. You've been rivals since you were babies! Er, what was his name again?"

"Some grandpa you are."

"His name was SOME GRANDPA YO?"

"No. Call him.... Rainbow."

"His name was RAINBOW?"

"Yes."

Suddenly i was transported to a house, and I was in bed. I had been through this before, as I'd played Pokemon dozens of times. I got out of bed and opened the computer to get the potion in the Item Storage preemptively. Suddenly, Twilight showed up on the screen.

"Pixel!" she shouted

I flinched and couldn't move. "Twilight, how did you...?"

"I thought I'd contact you, since you're in a video game and all. After all, it's dangerous to go alone. And don't mind me asking but what game is this?"

"This is Pokemon Blue version. It's a game where you catch monsters to battle others. There are attacks like fire attacks..."

She had a look of worry on her face.

I went on. "Electric type attacks... Even poison type attacks!"

"Are you sure it's safe in there?" she asked.

"Of course it is," I replied. "The monsters only fight each other. But if you don't have a Pokemon on you, things can get dicey."

"That sounds a bit dangerous."

"What game isn't dangerous?"

"Um... You do realize you don't have the magic to defend yourself if a problem arises, right?" she asked.

"Oh, sure, 'unicorns are the master race' thing, racist."

"No, I didn't mean like that!" she said. "I just meant you're not quite... prepared."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Well, you spend your days in your room playing video games."

"I... uh... I guess I can't argue with that."

"So I'm coming with you!" she said confidently, as she teleported next to me.

I pushed her away. "It's just Pokemon. It's perfectly safe."

"Well, there is a possibility of glitching, which can screw you up."

"Glitching?"

"If you encounter a glitch, it can alter your memories or screw up your way of thinking."

"Um, okay. You can come along. Follow me," I said.

"Why are we walking out here?" Twilight asked. "You told me we have to get a Pokemon from Oak."

"This is literally how you get a pokemon. Trust me."

I took one step into the grass and Oak walked up.

"Hey!" he said. "It's dangerous to come out here without a Pokemon." He kept babbling on.

"Does he normally do this?" Twilight asked.

"Yes. ALL THE TIME." I groaned.

Finally I got to Oak's lab, expecting to see Gary/Blue/Rainbow, but I was surprised to see a pink pony I'd seen in Ponyville before. She tried to throw me a party the first time I came. The whole time I'd just wanted to buy a new DS.

"Hi Twilight!" she said. "Ooh, Pixel! I remember you! I threw you that big party! I mean I throw everyone reeally big parties too but still!"

"Pinkie, how did you get here?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, I saw this weird portal thing in my bedroom and I went through it! Everyone's been getting them in their houses recently. Strange stuff, am I right?"

Twilight looked at me. "Pixel?" she asked. "Was there anything wrong with that game card you gave me?"

"Well, I picked a random one out of my bag. I had two copies of Pokemon in it... but I might have pulled out the broken one I was going to trade for one that's working. Hehe..."

Twilight stared at me. "Teleportation spells are very fragile. A broken game could cause all sorts of problems, and rip holes through reality! It could bring glitches into reality!"

"Well how was I supposed to know that?" I yelled. "Look, I'm a gaming expert. I'm good at games. I could beat these games before the glitches seep out any day!"

"If you say so..." Twilight said.

"Anyway, let's just choose a starter!" I said. I went for the one all the way to the right. "Squirtle. The best gen 1 starter."

"Ooh! That looks like Tank!" Pinkie said. I think I'll have... this cool green one! Ooh, no the red one! Augh! I don't know!"

"Choose the red one," I said, knowing I was tricking her into a bad matchup.

"Okay!" she said. "Hey, want our little guys to battle each other?"

"Why not?" I asked, a smug look on my face. "Let's go!"