To Babysit a Crusader

"MEEP! MEEP! MEEP! MEEP!"

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. The thing sure was reliable for waking a person up. It was also good for annoying the Hell out of you once you actually woke up. I motioned over and hit the reset alarm button. I got up from my bed and looked at the clock. 5:05 A.M., just like I wanted. I grabbed my accessories off of the nightstand and put them on. It's computer time! Those fanfics won't read themselves!

I walked out my bedroom door, then stopped. Why did I hear shifting around in my mother's room? The family wouldn't be back until tonight! I turned around, opened my mother's bedroom door, and was greeted by the sound of light snoring. I peered in and saw...ponies? That's when the memories from yesterday hit me. The whole babysitting deal set up by ponies from Friendship is Magic. So...none of that was a dream? This was REALLY happening? Holy shit, this is insane. As I looked in more, I saw the Crusaders better, all looking adorable as ever as they slept.

"I shouldn't bother them..." I thought out loud and shut the door slowly.

I moved down the stairs, went into the kitchen, made myself breakfast, and then proceeded to the computer. As I brought up some fics and began to read, my mind started drifting to the events of yesterday. Thinking about it, my exaggerated rage in my mind was misplaced. I thought this would be the most horrible task in the world, and I was wrong. This whole thing wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Sure, I disliked children, but maybe I just took a liking to the Crusaders because they were ponies... I dunno. They sure acted like children, but I just couldn't find it in me to dislike them, like I normally did with kids.

--

Twilight had been up all night, trying her best to remember everything that had happened to the Crusaders with the human watching them as she desperately tried to grade him. Everypony else had fallen asleep eventually, but that was okay. Nothing really happens worth noting when the human goes to sleep right? That just gave Twilight the opportunity she needed to continue her grading spree. As she finished her work, she looked at the chart. If she was correct (because there may be some inaccuracies due to missing details), this human was barely passing the test. He had a 30/50, and anything lower would be a failure.

He still has a chance, what with another day ahead, so he'd better shape up!

--

7:00 A.M. and they still aren't awake. Heh, kids and their energy reserves. They need to be completely full before they even do so much as open their eyes. Oh well, it gave me a lot of time to read fanfiction think about how much I actually like these ponies. They're the first children I end up liking in my life as a teenager, and they're not even human. This certainly was weird, not that I cared.

So, instead of reading like I had originally planned, I made breakfast ahead of time for the three, and made sure it stayed warm. They did eat eggs, right? And pancakes were alright with them too, weren't they? The only thing I knew that was completely out of the question was bacon.

So here I am, reconciling the events as I wait for them to wake- there's noise upstairs. It sounds like...moving around. Well, someone's up. Was it one, two, or all three? The door to the bedroom opened, and I heard hooves clopping on the floor as they moved towards the staircase. They made their way down the stairs, and I saw who my first visitor was: Apple Bloom. I heard no other hooves, so I assumed she was the only one awake (figures she'd be the first one. Farm girl).

"Morning," I greeted her.

"G'mornin'," she said as she rubbed an eye.

"You guys eat pancakes right?" I asked.

"Yeah. Pancakes are alright."

"Good. I didn't want the ones I made to go to waste."

"...ya made pancakes?"

"And eggs." She sniffed the air, and she could smell the food waiting for her in the other room. Her expression changed from one of sleepiness to that of a hungry pony.

"What're we waitin' for? Let's eat!" She said with a smile and a lick of her lips. We both proceeded into the kitchen, and I seated her at the table in front of her plate. It's a good thing I made those pancakes myself, instead of heating up the frozen ones, because whenever I ate those, I felt kinda sick. I can't imagine what they'd do to poor Apple Bloom.

We both heard movement upstairs, and we knew that someone (or 'pony' in their case) was awake. We waited for the new arrival to come into the kitchen, sure that they, too, would smell the food. It wasn't long until Sweetie Belle popped her head around the corner of the kitchen opening.

"Good morning everypony!" She greeted happily. I only cleared my throat in response.

"Mornin' Sweetie Belle," Apple Bloom responded.

"What's that delicious smell?" Sweetie asked.

"Eggs n' pancakes. And they're great too!" Apple Bloom answered, giving me a wink. I got up and seated Sweetie Belle, then sat back down. Now there was only Scootaloo left. We waited as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle munched away at their food. What we didn't expect, however, was a small scream.

"Scootaloo?" Sweetie asked, concerned.

I got up. "You two stay down here. I'll go see what's wrong." As instructed, the two ponies stayed where they were, but stopped eating. I walked out into the living room and up the stairs until I reached the top. I turned the corner and walked into my mother's room to find Scootaloo in bed, heavily breathing and sweating.

"You okay?" I asked her. She looked at me and re-gained her composure.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine."

"Sleep well?"

"...kinda."

"You can't fool me Scoots. You had a nightmare didn't you?"

Her eyes darted around nervously. She sighed. "Yes."

"Tell me what it was about," I said as I sat at the foot of the bed.

She gave another sigh. "Well, me, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle were at the Ponyville park. We were just playing and stuff, but then everything went dark around us. All of a sudden, we heard Apple Bloom screaming, and we saw her being taken away by a black tentacle. Then, Sweetie Belle was taken away. I was the only one left, and then Slender Man appeared in front of me. He just kept staring at me, and I couldn't move. I was frozen, and he just kept staring, and..."

She was shivering a bunch. Dammit, I knew telling them about Slendy would cause one of them to have nightmares (although, I didn't think it'd get one of them this freaked out. Sheesh. And Scootaloo? I thought for sure it'd be Sweetie Belle). Before she could continue, I held a finger to her mouth.

"That's enough."

She looked up at me and, unexpectedly, clung to my side. Who knew under that tough-girl pony exterior was still a squishy little girl interior?

"It's alright Scoots. It was just a dream," I tried to sound as calming as possible. "Slendy isn't real,  Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are fine, and you're okay too."

She looked up at me with a smile, then hugged me a bit tighter. "Thanks Wyatt."

"Yep. Now come on downstairs. Your friends and your breakfast are waiting for you," I said as we got off the bed together.

"Breakfast? Great! I'm hungry!" She said, ready to bolt out the door.

"Besides, I didn't even tell you who really freaks me out. So your dream couldn't have been that bad."

"Who freaks you out?"

I gave her a straight face."Jeff the Killer..."

"Who-"

"Don't ask."

Scootaloo gave me a curious look, then continued on downstairs.

--

Rarity was the first to wake up. She looked around, and noticed everypony else still sleeping, whether they were on a piece of furniture, or if they had collapsed to the ground. Wait, Twilight was sleeping?

She looked over at Twilight's sleeping form, and noticed a piece of paper next to her. She picked it up telekinetically, and looked it over. This was the grading scale. The grading scale, and Twilight was asleep... TWILIGHT WAS ASLEEP!? That meant she couldn't do the grading. Celestia knows nopony else would have any idea in the slightest on how to grade a human's behavior statistically. Slowly, Rarity approached Twilight.

"Twilight...Twilight wake up," Rarity whispered. After no response came, she tried again. "Twilight dear, wake up! Twilight Sparkle get up!" Twilight was as motionless as a stone, save her breathing. She was not waking up any time soon.

Applejack was awoken by Rarity's desperate attempt to awaken Twilight.

"Rarity? What in tarnation are you doin'?" Applejack asked in a slightly irritated whisper.

"Trying to wake up Twilight! She's the only one who knows how to do this grading thing!" The over-dramatic pony replied.

"Well that's just great! What do we do now?" asked the now awoken Rainbow Dash, whom the other mares now noticed.

"Well, maybe we could try just going with our gut feelin's about this guy?" Applejack suggested with a sheepish grin. The three mares shared a hopeless look, then turned back to Twilight, who was snoring away...

--

I sat out in the living room as the girls finished their breakfast, absolutely bored. Sure, it's nice to be around ponies and what-not, but what could I do around them? I didn't really want to expose them to too much technology. It'd probably be bad for them (it's bad enough I shared the Internet with them!). With nothing else to do, I grabbed a notebook that was lying on the coffee table and began to write in it as if it were my journal.

June 27, 2012

I'm not sure how, but for some reason there are ponies from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic eating breakfast in my kitchen! I know I'm not in some kind of crazy demented state either, because I've actually had conversations with them and have physically felt them. They are here. They are real. They are adorable. I'm sure my own family won't even believe me. That's why it'd probably be best that I keep this whole encounter a secret. It's only between me and these ponies.

I finished writing and re-read what I had just written. I was going to have to follow what this thing said, and tell nobody of this ever happening. I closed the notebook, but as I lowered it to put it back on the coffee table, I noticed the Crusaders staring up at me. How'd they get over here without me noticing?

"We finished breakfast, Wyatt," Sweetie Belle informed me.

"Oh, alright. I'll just put those dishes in the sink and what-not," I said as I proceeded to get up.

"Can we go outside?" Apple Bloom asked me out of the blue. Could they go outside? I mean, there were plenty of houses around mine, all with people living in them. What if they saw the Crusaders? I can't risk having them-

The Crusaders looked at me with sad eyes. They probably had a feeling I'd say no, and prepared this WMC (Weapon of Mass Cuteness). They knew it'd work too, because I caved. "Fine," I answered. "But follow me. You're not going in the front yard."

"How come?" Scootaloo wondered aloud.

"Because things."

"Things?"

"Yep."

"What things?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"THINGS," I answered, raising my voice to make it clear that they don't need to know. I led them towards the bathroom and basement doors, and opened a third door that was in between them, which led to the garage. We walked through, and once they were all in the garage, I opened another door to the right that led to my backyard.

"You're all fine out back here. Just don't go into anyone else's yard." I said before they rushed out. It would be fine right? It was still only 7:34, and it's not like my dumb neighbors are awake by now. This whole thing reminded me of a crucial fact from yesterday: How did the ponies get here without being noticed? Sure, it was really dark and rainy when they got here, but I don't think that would even provide them enough cover to just walk around unnoticed. It was sunny this morning, so the moment I see someone I'm gonna have to bring the girls in.

I walked outside to my small patio, and moved over to my swinging love seat thingie (I'm not sure what it's called. It's just a swinging couch thing). I sat down and watched as the Crusaders ran around, doing their own thing. Thankfully, they weren't making too much noise, so I don't think I had to worry about them waking up any neighbors.

As I got comfortable in my seat, I had that large feeling of peace that I had yesterday. Everything was actually pretty quiet, and it felt like nothing would ever interrupt it. I wish I was at my aunt's house right now. I think the Crusaders would appreciate having a gigantic open field of a backyard to play in. My backyard wasn't really anything to brag about. It had a huge tree near the patio, and the actual yard was made up of grass that could use a bit of a trim. At the way back of the yard was a burn pile, a small yellow shed for lawn equipment, and a metal fence that separated my backyard from a neighbor's.

"Wyatt!" I came back to my senses. "Wyatt! Do you have a ball we could play with?" Sweetie Belle asked me from afar. I looked around the backyard, then noticed a beach ball in the right corner of the yard. How did that get there? Did some friend accidentally leave it? Oh well, it's ours now.

I pointed to the beach ball, surprised that they hadn't noticed it before. They looked to where I was pointing, and saw the ball. They proceeded to run over to it and began bouncing it on their adorable little heads. Heh. How cute. This moment didn't last long, however, because I heard someone coming outside next door.

"Oh shit!" I muttered as I ran over to the Crusaders, hoping that they wouldn't be seen. "Girls! Girls!" I tried exclaiming quietly as I got over to them.

"Huh? What is it Wyatt?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Girls, get behind the shed!" I whispered as I pointed to the shed, which was just a few feet away.

"How come?" Scootaloo asked. Damn children's curiosity. I didn't know what to say, because they probably thought any human would find it normal that there were talking ponies, so I decided to make something up on the fly.

"That guy over there," I started, pointing to my neighbor. "He doesn't like ponies. He'll-"

"There's another human over there?" Sweetie interrupted. She then proceeded to lift a hoof to wave. "Hi other hu-!" I put my hand over her mouth before she could finish. My neighbor looked our way, but saw nothing, and continued on with his business. I had dragged the Crusaders behind the shed before he could look up.

"We have to be quiet! That person over there doesn't like ponies very much!" I continued my lie.

"He doesn't like ponies?" Apple Bloom asked.

"No. He doesn't. The only thing he likes about them is how they taste," Alright, that may have been pushing it, but the Crusaders shut right up after that. "I'll go and see what he's doing. When it's ok to come out, I'll tell you," I informed the girls. They all nodded and stayed put.

I walked out from behind the shed, and noticed that my neighbor was beginning yard work (blech, I hate yard work). However, this meant that the Crusaders could sneak past while he was focusing on said work. He walked over to the side of his house and grabbed a weed whacker, then went to a random part of the yard. As he tried starting his weed whacker, his back was turned. I ran to the back of the shed.

"Now girls!" I urged them.

In a moment's time, the three all whizzed past me and ran as fast as they could. They made it halfway when the weed whacker started. I think this only fueled the girls fear even more, because it looked like they ran faster, and didn't stop until they made it to the garage. At that point, I myself was already halfway through the yard, although I was walking at a leisurely pace. Once I got into the garage, I noticed the Crusaders panting heavily near the garage door.

"That was close!" Apple Bloom exclaimed between breaths.

"I thought he was gonna get us when we heard that loud buzzing!" Scootaloo almost shouted.

I felt bad that I had to scare the three to get them in, but looking at it, there was probably no other way. "It's alright though. You're in now, and I'll make sure he doesn't get you," I assured them. "Now come on, let's go back inside," I said as I opened the door to the house. As they walked in, I looked at my watch. 8:23? Had we really been out there for that long? I entered the house, and went into the living room. The Crusaders were in there too, still catching their breath on the couch.

"Well, what do you wanna do now?" I asked them. All three of them gave me a blank look. I guess they finally ran out of ideas. At least we could relax.

--

The ponies in the library had tried everything, from dumping water on Twilight's head, to getting the loudest thing they could make noise next to her ear. Wow, she was a really heavy sleeper after staying up all night. To nopony's surprise, Lyra was awoken from all the commotion. After having the situation explained to her by the other ponies, Lyra joined in the hopeless fray of trying to awaken Twilight.

Applejack remembered what Spike had said before he left the library that morning: "She didn't sleep all night and you're trying to wake her up? Good luck with that!" He had chuckled to himself a bit before walking out the door. After several more attempts at random acts that everypony swore you couldn't sleep through, they gave up. At this point trying to wake Twilight up was nothing but a fruitless endeavor.

"What do we do now? When she wakes up and finds out she slept through most of this test thing, she'll freak!" Rainbow Dash yelled with concern.

"That, and we'll probably have to do this test all over!" moaned Lyra. It's not like she had a problem with watching humans, but she'd rather meet one than watch one. Rarity trotted over to the grading scale and picked it up telekinetically.

"Maybe if we examine this enough, we'll figure out how to grade!" Rarity said with pseudo-enthusiasm. She knew it was a dumb idea, but it was better than having everypony in a hopeless mood right?

Lyra, in an act of desperation, snatched the paper away. "I'll grade!" She said with no idea what she would have to do.

Everypony else eyed each other uneasily. Then Applejack spoke up.

"Well, you do know th' most about humans outta any a' us..." Hearing this, Lyra beamed, a sudden sense of pride filling her being.

"Maybe I should have been grading all along! Who needs this dumb paper anyways?" Lyra said with pride as she crumpled the paper into a ball and tossed it. Not sure what else to do, everypony went with this new plan of action. The only thing they feared was what Twilight might say as soon as she woke up...

--

We'd been sitting across from each other, them on the couch, me on the love seat, and the coffee table between us. Things were quiet again, but it was that awkward quiet that you get when having a conversation with someone you didn't really know. I looked at my watch again. 9:14. Wow, we've been sitting here in this awkward silence for almost an hour.

I thought about just getting back on the computer. I'm sure the Crusaders would just come over, and we could maybe watch more cat videos. Before I could get up, however, Apple Bloom spoke.

"Is it weird that Ah've been thinkin' about how we haven't got our cutie marks for comin' here?" She said with a sigh.

"Nah, I've been kinda thinking the same thing," Scootaloo answered her glumly.

"I'm not sure if you can even get a cutie mark for dimension traveling. I mean, there hasn't really been anything like it has there?" Sweetie Belle added. I wanted to say something about their cutie marks, but remembered that if I didn't play dumb, they'd start asking questions, and then we might have a paradox.

"Well, when we came here, Ah was just hopin' we'd at least have a chance at gettin' one..." Apple Bloom pouted as she hung her head low. I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing these three sad actually effected me, which, by the way, was something almost unheard of. I was never effected by anything emotionally! It's supposed to be impossible! ...anyways, I went with the stupid act and asked them a question.

"What's a cutie mark?" They all looked at me with expressions of mild surprise.

"You've never heard of a cutie mark?" Sweetie asked, sounding astonished.

"Nope." Their expressions of surprise changed to those of shock.

"How could you have never even heard of a cutie mark? Don't you have some ponies around here with them?" Scootaloo skeptically asked.

"Well, yeah, there are ponies in this world, but they don't have cutie marks." They all gasped.

"They don't have any cutie marks!?" Sweetie asked, sounding even more astonished.

"None."

"So we definitely won't get 'em while we're here!" Apple Bloom stated dramatically.

Well, that wasn't exactly the way I wanted this conversation to turn.

"Let's face it girls, we'll all be blank flanks forever," Scootaloo gloomily stated. Now they were all drooping their heads down. FFFFFFFFF-HNNNNNNNNGGGGG-Ow. This little display both pained me with sadness and cuteness. What was it about sad looking things that made them look cute anyways?

"Y'know, you still haven't answered my question girls. What exactly is a cutie mark?" Sweetie Belle lifted her head to give me a sad look. HNNNNNNNNNNGGGG.

"Well, a cutie mark is this little mark that you get on your flank when you find out what your special talent is. Everypony in our class has one, except us, and we've been trying so hard to find our special talents. But we haven't gotten them yet, and we've tried everything." She hung her head down again, but she wasn't finished. "Diamond Tiara was right. We aren't special..."

"Oh that bitch!' I muttered under my breath. I hated Diamond Tiara. A lot. About as much as I hated Trixie. She was a bitch too. But now's not the time for that thinking. There are three depressed little ponies across from me. It's pep talk time!

"Look girls," I said as I got up from the love seat. "Just because you don't have a special mark on your butt doesn't mean you aren't special." I sat on the couch with them. They all looked up at me, listening. "You're already special. All three of you. It's not your talents that make you special, but your personality. There's no other pony in existence that will be just like you. You're all unique, in your own ways. A mark on your butt denoting your talent is, well, just a bonus to all of that."

"Really?" All three of them asked.

"Really," I answered as I booped Apple Bloom's nose (she was the closest one to me).

All three smiled warmly at me. They weren't sad anymore! I wasn't even sure if my pep talk would work, considering where the cutie mark conversation got us! Oh well, mission accomplished! Then, something I didn't expect happened. All three of them came over and hugged me (Although Scootaloo was kinda reluctant at first).

"Thanks Wyatt. Ah think we needed that," Apple Bloom said. There was a moment of silence, then I spoke up.

"So...who's Diamond Tiara?" I decided to ask, continuing the stupid act.

"Ah, she's nobody really. Just a dumb bully," Scootaloo answered me.

"She calls us 'blank flanks' all the time, and is just mean to everypony in our class," Sweetie Belle added.

"Except Silver Spoon. Those two are like peas 'n a pod!" Apple Bloom finished.

"Another bully, I presume?"

"Yep!" They all answered.

"Well girls, tell ya what. To deal with a bully, you just ignore them. They always look for a reaction. It's what they feed on."

"But I thought she ate oats?" Sweetie asked curiously.

"It's an expression." I answered with a couple pats to Sweetie's head.

--

"Awwwww..." Rarity and Lyra said in unison. That display was so cute! Applejack smiled at the sight, appreciative of how Wyatt lifted the fillies' spirits. Rainbow Dash just looked at the display with crossed hooves, not wanting to admit that she thought it was cute. Despite this, all the ponies unanimously agreed that this definitely increased Wyatt's score (on their non-existent grading scale).

"Well, I'd certainly trust him," Rarity stated.

"Ah've got t' agree with that. Ah think he's proven himself," Applejack agreed. The ponies looked to Rainbow Dash, waiting for her opinion. She looked back, and gave a simple answer.

"Yeah. He's cool."

Lyra couldn't be happier. Who cared about a technical score? Personal opinions were what really mattered! Hearing her friends speak well of the human was all Lyra needed before she was ready to just scoop the Crusaders and Wyatt back to Equestria. However, she couldn't proceed with this plan, because she, like the rest of the ponies, heard stirring behind her. Twilight woke up.

"Ugh...how long was I out...?" Twilight asked groggily. It took her a moment to wake up and realize that she had just missed a giant chunk of the test. Her eyes shot open at this realization. "Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!" she rambled. Again. "WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING!? WHO'S BEEN GRADING!? WHERE'S THE GRADING SCALE!? HOW MUCH MORE WILL I HAVE TO CATCH UP!?" Everypony but Lyra was silent.

"Uh...well..." Lyra started with a few nervous laughs. "I guess you could say I've been grading...but uh...I threw away the grading scale..."

"THEN HOW HAVE YOU BEEN GRADING!?"

"Er...uh...I haven't been using a scale... The girls and I just agreed that personal opinions would work fine..."

--

Lunch was no problem. All I had to do was go to the park and pick a few flowers, then come back and put them into a sandwich. Ponies could eat just about any flowers right? Well, I just hope that lilies don't somehow end up poisoning them. I just hope the girls will be fine on their own for about a half hour. Sure, I asked them if it was okay to leave them alone, but I just had this feeling they'd need someone to keep watching them. As I continued on home past my old elementary school, I pondered when and how the girls would get home. Would they go back through some kind of mysterious magic? In fact, how did the ponies get here anyways?

I passed an intersection and turned right, towards my house.

Obviously they wouldn't have trouble getting here, considering how little trouble they seemed to have coming and going. Would the adults just come and pick up the kids? Would they leave on their own? I thought of these questions as I went up my driveway, got to the front door, and opened it.

"But why do we hafta go?" I heard Apple Bloom ask aloud from the kitchen. They were leaving?

"But, we like Wyatt! Why can't he come with?" I heard Sweetie Belle ask. They were going to take me back with them?

"Sorry girls, but Twilight insisted that we bring you back. She said we need to restart the test," I think I heard Applejack tell them. Was there a hint of disappointment in her voice? I walked into the kitchen, where the commotion was going on. Sitting in there were the Crusaders, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack.

"What's going on in here?" I asked as I walked in. All ponies' eyes were on me. "I thought you wouldn't be back until later today."

"Yeah? Well, things change," Rainbow Dash flatly stated.

"Things change?" I asked with criticism in my voice.

"Yep." I gave them a skeptical stare. Yesterday, these ponies seemed completely comfortable to leave the Crusaders in my care. Now, they all had expressions like they wanted to take them away ASAP.

"C'mon girls. I don't wanna stay 'round here and cause more heartbreak then there already is," Applejack said as she motioned for the Crusaders to follow her. Glumly, the girls trailed behind the farmpony as all six walked through the front door. However, Rarity stopped at the door and turned to me.

"Thank you, sir," She said before leaving.

That was it? Just "thanks bai"? Y'know what? No! There's more to this than what seems, and I'm gonna find out what!

I closed the front door, and went out into the garage. I went into the backyard, and ran around the house to the front as fast as I could. Luckily, the ponies were still in sight. I decided that, as much of a ninja I wasn't, I'd try to follow them without alerting them to my presence. As they crossed the road, I slowly walked out from my yard. Before I could continue, something hit me: How is it that NOBODY is seeing this? They had the cover of rain yesterday, but today was bright and sunny. Is everyone fine with seeing six miniature horses just walk across the street!? This was an issue I could NOT ignore, no matter how hard I tried not to think about it. I had to come up with a solution.

...maybe the people in my neighborhood are just ignorant and oblivious? Yeah, sure, whatever. It's better if I don't think about it. I looked around and realized, the ponies were gone! Dammit, I was so caught up in my thoughts that I lost track of them! I ran for it, and crossed the street. Once I was on the other side, I looked around for the ponies, and saw a light shade of blue with rainbow ahead of me. I figured that was Rainbow Dash, so I walked forward a bit, and then saw all of them heading downhill from a neighbor's backyard. Well, maybe it wasn't a hill as much as it was a little steep ground.

As they continued forward, I realized what their destination was: the track next to the elementary school. Why were they going there? The track was nothing more than an oval made of rocks with a miniature football field in between. I looked around the football field more, and couldn't believe my eyes. In the middle of the field there was what looked like a portal. So THAT'S how they got here! I was once again lost in my thoughts, and didn't notice that all of the ponies had begun to walk into said portal.

Not caring anymore if my sneaking skills were up to par with Solid Snake, I ran all the way towards the middle of the field just as Rarity, the last pony in the line, walked into the portal. At this point I think my instincts just took over, because against my better judgement, I hopped into the portal just as it was closing...

--

It just wasn't fair to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They had so much fun staying with Wyatt, and then they were ripped away from him early. TOO early. This complaint continued to float around in their heads as they walked through the white void of the portal. It was oddly silent, as nopony spoke, or even made a sound.

The walk back to the other portal felt like some kind of death march. Soon enough, they reached the end portal, the Crusaders letting out small groans. There goes their last hopes of ever possibly seeing Wyatt again. Sure, it was a long shot of a chance, but hey, miracles happened right? As the ponies approached the end portal, they minded where the gap was from last time, so as to not fall flat on their faces again. Before they knew it, they were back in Equestria. Back in the library.

"I'm sorry Twilight..." Lyra muttered.

"Yes Lyra. I know you are. That's the eighteenth time you've apologized," the purple mare retorted, irritated. The sound of something coming through the portal was heard (however you want to imagine that), and she looked up and noticed the other ponies' arrival. "Oh girls! You're back!"

"Uh-huh..." The Crusaders answered gloomily.

Twilight looked to the mares. "So the trip was alright?"

"Yep. Everything went okay." Rainbow Dash answered.

"Good!" Twilight answered back happily. She continued. "Now then, I'm going to set up the library so we can do this again tomorrow. You should all go home and rest up, because I'm going to be ready with a portal early in the morning!"

Lyra sighed. So she was banned from helping out with this re-do test. So what? That didn't mean she couldn't help with the portal! Not wanting to make Twilight any angrier than she had already been, however, Lyra stayed quiet.

Nopony in the library moved a muscle, and it was dead silent. Twilight opened the library's entrance, urging the fillies in the room to leave. "I'm going to need plenty of time to set-up again, so you'll get plenty of time to get ready!"

"Ah don't wanna go again," Apple Bloom fussed. The purple mare was flabbergasted at the filly's response.

"Me neither," Sweetie Belle pouted.

"Ditto," Scootaloo joined.

"But...but without you, we can't even do the test!" Twilight retorted, her frustration and anger rising.

"We don't wanna do another test," Apple Bloom said, hooves crossed. "There's nothin' wrong with Wyatt."

Applejack stepped in. "Apple Bloom, quit bein' difficult. Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, that goes fer you too. Ya'll had agreed to do this the moment Twilight asked ya."

"And we did it! There's no need for a re-do!" Scootaloo shouted. Before anypony else could keep up the argument, there was a sudden *THUD!* in the room. Everypony all looked behind them, where the source of the noise was, and were shocked. Before them was a human in a grey fedora, a blue/plaid button-up shirt, and jeans, lying face down on the ground. He looked up, and his expression was one of wonder.

"Ho-lee fuck," He said, amazed.

--

The trip through the portal felt really tingly, like when your foot falls asleep. Therefore, I instantly hated it. Having that feeling in your foot was bad enough, but having it shoot through your entire body? I repeat myself. INSTANT HATE.

I had kept walking forward, because I didn't really have any sense of direction. That, and I figured I'd eventually get somewhere if I did so. I continued walking, until I saw a bright light begin to materialize ahead of me. That must have been it! The portal to Equestria! I began running...and running...and- I fell down. Face first too. Ouch. Ignoring the pain and embarrassment, I looked up, and saw several ponies staring at me. Where was I? I inspected my surroundings. Books everywhere, walls and floor made of wood, and windows that showed...Ponyville? It was then that I realized one thing: I was in Twilight Sparkle's library.

"Ho-lee fuck," I said, amazed. It was nice that none of the ponies bitched to me about my language. I already got enough of that from my older brother. I pushed myself up, and got to my feet. "So, I'm in Equestria right now, aren't I?" I thought aloud.

"Wyatt! We thought we'd never see you again!" Sweetie shouted as her and the other two Crusaders rushed to my feet.

"I could say the same for you," I answered back as I knelt down to make eye-contact with them.

I looked at all the other ponies, and they had expressions of light shock mixed with a bit of happiness. All except for Twilight Sparkle. She looked...annoyed. "I hate to break up a reunion," Twilight started. "But you're not supposed to be here."

I shot her a dirty look. "How come?" I asked as I stood up.

"You haven't been approved!"

Now I was getting curious. "Approved? By who?"

"By me. You were being tested." She answered matter-of-factly.

I gave her a look of mild anger. "So, the whole time I was watching these three, I was being...tested? Heh, I don't believe it." I crossed my arms smugly, and convinced I was right. Much to my dismay, however, the Crusaders spoke up. Much to my dismay, however, the Crusaders spoke up.

"Uh...yeah...actually, you were," Apple Bloom said, her front hooves rubbing together nervously.

"We, uh...weren't supposed to tell you," Scootaloo added.

"You aren't mad, are you?" Sweetie asked me.

I looked at the Crusaders. I was being tested the whole entire time? That's...well...man, I don't even know how to describe that! I was kinda mad that the whole thing was just a stupid setup, but at the same time, I had this feeling like I didn't care. I think the latter feeling came from the fact that I myself actually enjoyed the experience. With a solid answer in mind, I spoke.

"Am I mad? ...no. I'm not. Despite the fact that I'm really irritated that SOMEONE," I motioned towards Twilight, "used me as a lab rat, I don't hold it against you three, because I enjoyed the experience. I have to admit, meeting talking ponies that aren't a hallucination is a pretty cool thing to happen to you. I can tell you three had a good time, too, considering how happy you are to see me. Plus, I think we both benefited from the whole thing. We both got some new friends." (Ugh, that last part's cheesy...).

I gave the three a pat on the head, and looked around at the other ponies. Their expressions had changed. They all smiled warmly at me. Even Twilight. "What was I thinking?" Twilight said. She walked over to the portal and, with a flash of her horn, closed it. Did she just trap me here? She continued. "How can I just compare a pony-"

"Person," I corrected.

"...person to a mathematical score? It's the friendship between them and others that matters! Friendship certainly is a powerful thing!" She gave a hearty laugh. "I guess even I learned something from this whole test!" The three fillies in the room looked at Twilight with wide eyes.

"Does that mean...?" Sweetie Belle asked, excitement in her voice.

"Yes girls." Twilight answered. "He's passed the test, in a manner of speaking."

Three "YAY!"(s) were heard from the library, loud enough to alert ponies nearby outside of the overjoyed fillies' presence. Once everyone present in the room recovered from the outburst, Twilight introduced herself.

"I guess if we're going to get to know each other, we should start by learning each other's names. I'm Twilight Sparkle," She finished, holding out a hoof to shake.

"Well, my name's Wyatt, but I assume you already knew that. Stalker," I teased as I shook her hoof with my hand.

She stepped aside, and introduced her other friends that I knew so well. "In case you don't remember them from yesterday, this is Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. I'd also like you to meet," she pointed to Lyra, "Lyra Heartstrings."

I held out my hand to shake Lyra's hoof. Lyra, with an expression of absolute joy, glanced at my hand, then me, and then fainted. "Huh. I wonder what that was about," I wondered aloud, continuing the stupid act.

--

I spent a long day in Ponyville. Longer than what I would've liked, but it wasn't too bad. At least I was nearing the end of being shown off to all of the ponies in Ponyville. Of course, I was introduced to Twilight's other best friends first (i.e. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie). Both of them reacted as you'd expect: Fluttershy was extremely shy (it didn't help that it was her first time seeing a human, let alone meeting one), and Pinkie Pie tried her hardest to make me smile (spoiler alert: she failed). Pinkie had also decided to plan a party that I am currently attending.

Of course the pink pony had thrown a party for the first human to ever exist in Equestria. She always needed some reason to party. Unfortunately for the ponies, I was definitely someone who disliked parties. So here I was, sitting in a chair, taking small sips of punch, having loud music pounded into my ears, and watching ponies dance. As I let my thoughts wander, several questions came to my mind. Would I be able to go back home? What were they testing me for? How did they know humans existed? It really bugged me. I continued pondering as the one who could answer all of my questions sat right next to me.

"Hey Twilight?" I asked in a raised voice, making sure she'd hear me over the music.

"Yes?" She answered back. Looks like she can hear me.

"I wanted to ask you a couple questions." I said, not even averting my eyes' focus on my punch.

"Fire away."

"First: How did you find out about humans?"

Twilight looked curiously at me, but began her explanation. "Well, one day, I had accidentally opened up a portal to your world. I went through it, and discovered humans. When I came back and told everypony, Lyra happened to know what humans were. Turns out she was obsessed with humans, and always dreamed of meeting one. She herself had learned about humans from this old book she had since she was a filly that was hidden away in her house. It currently sits in the library."

"Alright, alright. Question number two: Why were you testing me?"

"We tested you because we wanted to see how you behaved around ponies. You see, that book about humans I mentioned earlier? It didn't really seem like a good source of information. So I figured we could bring a human here to share each other's cultures! Doesn't that sound fun?" She looked at me excitedly. Seeing that I didn't exactly share in her enthusiasm, she cleared her throat and continued. "The point is, we couldn't trust just any human we brought in, you know?"

"Fully understandable. Last question: Will I be able to go home?" Twilight gave me a look that made me feel like an idiot.

"Of course you can go back home! After all, I'd expect you to bring some relics from your world to show off!"

"But how will I be able to freely traverse between worlds without causing you strain?" I knew it probably took a lot of magic to make a portal. Twilight put her hoof to her chin and thought. Then, an idea came to her mind.

"Meet me at the library after the party. I think I have an idea."

--

Few ponies remained in Sugarcube Corner, the occupants being made up of just a few friends still chatting or a couple or two having a slow dance on the floor. The Crusaders, who had as much fun as everypony else at the party, were now relaxing at the refreshments table, enjoying the leftover snacks and resting from the general merrymaking.

"It's still a shame we couldn't get Wyatt to even play pin-the-tail-on-the-pony," Scootaloo remarked, taking a sip of her punch.

"Ah well, can't drag a pony ta water and make it drink, as they say," Apple Bloom replied, enjoying a cookie. While the three Crusaders continued snacking, the lone human finally looked up from his chair, having spent most of the party staring down at a cup full of punch.

"Welp, looks like the party's over," he told nopony in particular as he got up from the chair and popped the joints in his neck. "Time to go home." He walked to the entrance of the Corner and, after fiddling with the door and cursing under his breath at how confusing it was to open, he left.

The Crusaders stared a moment at the sight, before Sweetie Belle made a realization.

"He didn't say bye to us!"

The three fillies ran out of the Corner and after the human, leaving several confused ponies in their wake. One, however, gasped and made the same realization as them. "Me neither!" Lyra proclaimed, following suit with the fillies and leaving a frazzled Bon-Bon.

--

The giant portal in the library was scary looking, but I knew it wasn't really a threat. "Well, I guess I'll be back soon," I said as I approached the portal. Accompanying me to Earth was Twilight, and I guess Spike decided to see me off.

"Safe travels!" the dragon called out, acting like I was taking a voyage on a boat.

“You ready?” the lavender unicorn next to me asked.

“Yep. Let’s go.”

        Before I could walk through the portal with Twilight and begin my journey home, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Lyra burst through the door. I wonder where they randomly came from? Oh well, I won’t ruin the moment by asking.

"WYATT!" The three fillies called.

"Don't leave without saying bye to us!" Scootaloo shouted. I hadn't seen the Crusaders or Lyra since the incident at the library this morning, so I could see their dilemma. The fillies ran up to me, smiling and looking up at me.

"Don't worry," I assured the three fillies. "This isn't goodbye forever. I won't be away for long." I said reassuringly.

"We'll miss ya while you're gone!" Apple Bloom said with certainty in her voice.

"Don't be gone too long!" Sweetie Belle requested, giving a quick hug to my leg.

"Come back soon!" Scootaloo said, smiling confidently.

Lyra came up to me, but instead of having some kind of goodbye ready, she just grabbed my hand. "Wow..." She cooed. "I just still can't believe this is happening! I, Lyra Heartstrings, have finally met a human today! I'm so happy, I could just-!" Before she could finish, she fainted again.

As some the Crusaders and Spike moved forward to tend to Lyra, I waved and gave my final goodbye. Twilight and I then walked through the portal.

--

Once Twilight and I reached my house, I led her upstairs to my room, where a miniature portal to Equestria would be easily hidden and easily accessible. Since this portal was small, it wouldn't be as hard to create. Said task was done in a moment's notice. All we had to do was create it in the place where hopefully nobody would look: behind some big boxes in my closet (genius!).

"You sure you can keep this portal powered all the way back in Equestria?" I asked her as she readied to go through the portal.

"Yep. It's just a small portal that I can power from any distance, so it shouldn't be hard." She replied. "Now then, as soon as you come back, I expect to have a whole lesson's worth of information on humans."

"I'll be sure to prepare in full." I gave her hoof one last shake, and she left through the portal. Then, I heard the front door open downstairs, along with several footsteps.

"WYATT! WE'RE...where's Wyatt?" I heard my sister yell.

And there's my family. Oh well, there goes the rest of my alone time. But hey, it wasn't that bad that I lost the rest of my time to miniature horses. I learned a lesson or two, and even got my own portal to go to Equestria whenever (I just hope it's hidden well enough...)! All in all, you wouldn't say it was that bad, right?