You Don't Want to be Rescued?

Spike rolled around on his pile of gold. There was nothing like breaking in a hoard after a successful raid. His latest hit, the rather faraway Kingdom of Wither Spire, was a fickle but wealthy nation known for its magical research and tomes. They sold their spells and talismans and amassed fortunes, but they never did anything with it, so it was just collecting dust by the time that the dragon showed up to snatch it up. They weren’t going to miss the few scoops he took and with all their sorcery they could easily repair the damage he caused. He also double checked to make sure that he didn’t take another stowaway this time as well... something he may have to make a habit of checking from now on, unless he wanted to deal with even more princesses in his life.

Although the current princesses in his life weren’t that bad anymore. After the first couple days of packed full of shenanigans and chaos, things were slowly starting to settle down a bit. Rarity and Rainbow’s presence were known but not a complete inconvenience on his life.

Case in point, the giggles and moans coming from the pile of gold next to him. He wasn’t the only one in the castle that loved a good gold roll. Rarity’s head popped out from underneath the gold, her hair was frazzled and her breath was heavy. Sweat was dripping down her face and you could practically see the hearts in her eyes. The mare was in heaven.

“Hoo~!” The mare exhaled, letting her head rest back on the gold. “Those Wither Spirians have some truly magical treasure. I feel like I’m under a spell.”

“That may be true,” Spike said. “On the fly back over here some of the gold came to life and started screaming at me so there’s some sort of enchantment on these things. It was kind of terrifying, I thought I’d accidentally kidnapped another princess again.”

“Wait, there’s a spell that can animate treasure?!” Rarity asked, her face lighting up with hope. “I would love that! The next princess you kidnap should be good with magic so she can make my beloved sentient. It’d be nice to be on the bottom once in a while.”

“Sorry Rarity,” Spike grinned, relaxing in his hoard. “My days of kidnapping mares are over.”

“I know,” the unicorn giggled. “Just... if you change your mind...”

“Unlikely,” Spike said. “Things are just starting to get back to normal for the first time in almost a month.” It was true, after the incident with Burnt Oak things they had been worried about possible attacks from more ponies seeking the King’s bounty. However, after a few sleepless nights of keeping watch and nothing happening, Spike started to relax a bit. He guessed that there weren’t enough ponies brave or stupid enough to fight a dragon.

“Yeah...” the mare smiled. “I guess so...” She started pulling herself out of the treasure. For a girl that was so adamant on getting new dresses she hardly seemed to ever wear one as aside from a few small gems and coins stuck to her fur she was completely bare. Spike gulped, turning away slightly to not look, although it was too late. Rarity sighed. “Spike... I appreciate you not looking but it’s completely unnecessary. At this point the illusion is dead. Besides...” She grabbed a coin and gave it a quick kiss. “This is the only one for me.”

“Well I hope you two are happy together,” the dragon said.

“We will... once you can legally marry gold. I would love to put a ring on my finger... among other places.” She giggled a little to herself. "You know it’s funny, but if you hadn’t kidnapped me I’d actually be married to Blueblood, and here I am talking about getting hitched.”

“I’ve learnt not to think too much of it,” Spike said, getting up to his feet and brushing himself off. “Well, I’m off.”

“Oh? Where are you going?” Rarity wondered. “You’re not heading off to do another raid again?”

“No...” Spike said. “I’m going to get something to eat, take a long nap and then go and raid another castle. I hear if you go up north enough, there’s an entire kingdom made of crystals and gemstones. Doesn’t that sound magical?”

“And fictional,” Rarity frowned. “And you’ve literally been back a day, and this raid less than a week. Do you always go out this much or are you just trying to avoid us?”

The dragon put on a fake smile. Over the course of the month he had gone out stealing six times, hitting kingdoms that were far farther than he was used to in order to get away from the girls and his killer instincts. These raids had been the only thing keeping his more aggressive nature in check. Even though the girls had calmed down a little, it didn’t change some of the darker feelings that stirred in the pit of his stomach. Even now he heard the whispers of the dead tickling his ears, begging him to give in to what he yearned for.

But he choked those feelings down. “Nah, I just been on a real roll recently. Must be the lack of ponies trying to kill me.”
“Well just be careful,” Rarity said. “I fear you might be burning the candle at both ends here, I mean you look tired.”
“Which is why I’m going to take a nap!” Spike said a little loudly, causing the mare to flinch a little. “Sorry... I haven’t been sleeping too well. But I’m fine, really.” He grabbed his pants and quickly pulled them on. “Your concern is appreciated though!” With that, he scurried out of the treasury and disappeared down the hallway.

Rarity listened to him scutter off, folding her arms up in a huff. “Well, you don’t seem fine...”

*****

“Hey, who’s there?” Rainbow asked as she was searching through a barrel.

Spike had just walked into the kitchen to find the pegasus princess ass deep in a barrel of cabbage. The cyan mare had just nosedived into it with no regret and now her bare legs were dangling out, wildly kicking the air in a futile attempt to push herself deeper into the barrel.

Spike just sighed as he walked over to her, grabbing her by the ankle and pulling her up. The princess had a head of cabbage stuffed in her mouth and a scowl on her face. Her arms had darted down to the rim of her towel to keep it from exposing herself. She took a mighty bite of the veggie in her mouth and spat it out.

“Where is it?” She glared, shaking herself out of his grasp and landing on her feet.

“Where’s what?” He asked, dragging his hand down his face. “And please tell me you just got out of the bath.”

“I took a bath yesterday, dude,” she said, adjusting the small towel that barely covered herself. There had been a very lengthy... debate about towels not being considered actual clothing with Rainbow Dash. It was an argument that lasted three days straight with non stop screaming matches, a few scuffles, and Rarity nearly having a brain aneurysm. In the end Rarity and Spike had given up and now he had a princess who refused to wear nothing but towels... “Now answer my question,” the pegasus repeated. “Where’s all the red meat?!”

“Seriously?” Spike asked. “You went barrel diving looking for my steaks?”

“I know you’re hiding them from me!” She frowned. Another little factoid about Sky Kingdom culture: Their diet consisted of mostly eating birds raw. It was kinda savage considering how polite and peaceful they were as a nation. As of, Rainbow had never eaten much else, and when he had introduced steaks to her palate... it was almost an instant addiction. “So tell me where they are before I rip this whole kitchen apart!”

“First of all... don’t,” Spike muttered. “If you destroy the kitchen I can’t cook and you go back to eating pigeons raw.”
“They’re so boney...”

“Second, you need to eat something else besides meat, you know?” He reached into the barrel of cabbage and pulled out a head. “Have you even touched a vegetable since you’ve been here?”

“Eww, no!” Rainbow frowned. “Ponies were never meant to eat green crap, we’re carnivores through and through. You can tell because carrots and salads taste like shit. It’s our bodies trying to reject their poisonous and shitty flavour.”

“Right... well that’s all wrong,” the dragon said. “And I ain’t gonna cook you a steak unless you eat something healthy first.”

“Something that tastes so horrible can’t be good for you...” Rainbow pouted, but the look Spike was giving her meant there was no beating around the bush. She hung her head down in defeat. “Fine... just a small salad. But no tomatoes.”

“Deal,” the dragon beamed, taking a step backwards and stomping on the ground. His foot broke through the floorboards with ease, revealing a hidden door with a large lock on it. “And just so you know, even if you did fine my stash, there’s no way you were getting passed the lock.”

Rainbow looked dumbstruck. “It was in the floor! Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?” She fluttered over to the table. “Well whatever, feed me!”

The dragon unlocked the latch and pulled out a few prime cuts out, dangling them in front of him as he whistled out a stream of green fire. He bathed the meat in flames while the pegasus watched eagerly as the meat sizzled and browned right in front of her eyes. Every second it grew more appetizing and she couldn’t wait to eat it.

It was going to be a good day.

*****

“Today’s gonna be a great day, princess!” Sugar Belle grinned. She and a few other choice Amazons were slowly strolling towards the old castle atop of a hill, the lair of the notorious dragon. Leading them was Applejack, princess of the Amazon mares. Sugar quickened her pace and ran up next to her. “Are you nervous about the dragon? Think he’ll be dangerous?”
Applejack didn’t respond. The warrior princess was many things: strong, beautiful, and deadly... but she was also about as blunt as a hammer and just as cuddly. So when Sugar Belle got nothing but a cold stare, it was the equivalent of ‘shut the hell up’.

“Right...” the sugary mare said, trailing back to the rest of the group, walking up next to a pink mare with grey hair. “Hey Wrangler, is the princess always like this?”

Wrangler laughed a little. “Right, you ain’t been on any hunts with her before, have ya?” Sugar Belle shook her head. “Don’t take it personally, it’s just how she is. When Princess Applejack has a target locked in her sight she lets nothing distract her.”

“It just seems like she’s tense...” Sugar Belle said. “Come to think of it, did you see her last night during the pre-hunt celebration?”

“Nah,” Wrangler said. “She never goes to those.”

“WHAT?!” the pink mare gasped. “B-but the celebration is great! The food, the dancing, the lovemaking... It’s everything you need to feel like a real woman.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me, I was there, sexy,” she grinned, giving Sugar a quick slap on the ass. “But princess ain’t into that sort of thing.”

“Why?”

Applejack stopped dead in her tracks, and so did the rest of the girls. The orange mare looked over her shoulder with a dead glare. “Because I don’t need to stuff my face and fuck around to be a great warrior.” She started walking again and everything was quiet for a while.

That is until Sugar Belle whispered something in Wrangler’s ear. “So... what does she do?”

Wrangler leaned into her ear. “She finds a quiet place by herself and reads something that’s in that bag she always has on.”

“What’s in it?”

“Don’t know,” Wrangler said. “Tried to sneak a peek in it once and well...” she raised up her left hand and wiggled her three remaining fingers. “She pulled them out like weeds, said next time it’d be the whole arm. So if I can give you a word of advice, don’t try and look in that there bag of hers.”

“Holy shit...” Sugar Belle gulped. “That dragon is fucked, isn’t he?”

Before Wrangler could answer her, she found that there was something sharp itching her neck. The tip of Applejack’s spear was gently pressing on the mare’s throat.

“You know, maybe I shoulda ripped out your tongue, Wrangler,” Applejack said. “Then I could have some peace and quiet.”
“S-Sorry, princess,” Wrangler gulped. “Just explaining things to the new girl.”

“Let her learn shit for herself,” the orange mare said. “Now hold my spear, and wait here.” She pulled her weapon back before tossing it to the Amazon and continued towards the castle.

“Wait, you’re going in alone?” Sugar Belle asked. “And without a weapon? But that seems almost suicidal!”

“Maybe...” Applejack said. “But that dragon is gonna come at me with nothing but the gifts the goddess bestowed upon him, it is only honorable that I do the same. Just like how he’ll be fighting alone.”

“But Princess!” An Amazon protested. “The grandmare insisted we take him on as a group.”

“And I’m saying as your damn princess to stay put! I’m stronger than the lot of you put together and you’d just get in my way.” The orange mare stormed off, leaving them behind. “If I ain’t back in two hours than assume I’m dead and go home. No point in the rest of your throwing away your lives.”

Applejack walked farther and farther away from the small hunting band until she was just a dot on the horizon. The rest of the Amazons started mumbling among themselves, wondering if they should go after her, or if staying put was the right call. Regardless of what they thought, even though their princess was a crabapple, they couldn’t deny her courage and warrior spirit. In her own strange way, Applejack was protecting them by taking on the fearsome dragon alone. It made their hearts flutter a little, and a tad envious to Rarity, who in their eyes was about to become the luckiest mare in the world.

*****

Spike gave a loud yawn. Force feeding Rainbow Dash salad had really taken it out of him, not to mention grilling all that meat... how in the hell does such a small girl eat five sixty-four ounce steaks and still beg him for more? Well, whatever... he had tossed the last one across the room so he could escape and get that nap in. It was going to be a long journey tomorrow.

He gave a loud yawn, so he wasn’t able to hear the pitter-patter of feet behind him. Rarity was running down the halls towards him. She looked rather frazzled and that she’d barely had time to get dressed.

“Spike! Spike!” She yelled.

“Hah?” the dragon grumbled. “What is it? And can it wait? I’m very tired... I just made Rainbow lunch.”

“We have a problem! A big problem!”

“Like an actual big problem or a you big problem?” Spike asked. “Because if this is about your pillow only having a two hundred thread count I’m burning your bed and you’re sleeping on rubble.”

“This is not the time, Spike!” Rarity growled. “I was looking out the window to get some fresh air when I saw somepony approaching the castle!”

Oh... it was an actual big problem. “Ah shit!” The dragon gulped. “How far out are they?”

“They’ll be here any minute!” the mare cried. “It’s why I was trying to find you! What are we going to do now? Should we run? Should we hide? I don’t want to go back home!”

Spike took a deep breath. “You said that there was just one pony, right?” Rarity nodded her head. “Alright then... it’s going to be fine, Rarity. Try not to overreact so much.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well... I was going to save growing for when I went on my next raid...” the dragon said, cracking his neck a little to loosen up. “But I suppose a little growth spurt won’t be too bad. You should come to, maybe ham things up a little... you poor damsel in distress.”

“But... this pony, they’re probably really dangerous! And remember what happened with Burnt Oak?”

“That was different,” Spike said. “He was being sneaky and caught me off guard. This pony seems more like the ‘come through the front door’ type. Why else would they walk casually towards my castle in the middle of the day?” They made their way into the grand hall where the large front gates of the castle were. “They’ll be here soon, and when they show up, I’ll give them the scare of a lifetime.” He took a big inhale. “You might want to look away for a second, the transformation isn’t exactly pretty.”

The white mare looked a little confused, but turned her head away and shut her eyes. She should have covered her ears as well though, for when she turned away Rarity heard something nightmarish. The snaps of bones cracking, the rips and pops of flesh bursting, the trinkle of blood flowing and the horrible muffled screams of the dragon trying not to cry out with every being of his body.

“Rarity....” a deep, raspy voice spoke behind her. “When you turn around... please don’t scream.”

Rarity wasn’t sure that she wanted to turn around. It had sounded like Spike had been ripped to shreds by his own body. How could such a creature endure such pain and still transform again and again, and countless time as well! It was the least that she could do to turn around. Slowly, she peeked behind her shoulder at the behemoth that stood where Spike was. A true beast stood before her. A monstrous dragon rippling with muscles with jagged scales and spikes lining his body. Just touching him looked like it would hurt you. Rarity could hardly believe that this... creature was that small sarcastic dragon.

It was really hard for Rarity to keep her promise. She really wanted to scream. It almost seemed like she was going to faint but her eyes stayed fixated on a certain point. “A... A...” was all that was able to come out of her mouth.

“If it seems intimidating... that’s sort of the point,” Spike said, looking down at his massive claws. He hated this transformation. Normal dragons could grow really big or really small but had nothing in the middle like he did. It was an unnatural form and the results of some of the sick experiments that had been done to him. However, today it would serve him and him alone in scaring off the oncoming intruder.

“It’s... certainly overwhelming...” Rarity gulped. “I... didn’t realize it could get any bigger.”

“Well I did grow a couple feet...” he pondered, not noticing what Rarity was talking about until she pointed a shaky finger at his waist. Spike looked down. She was pointing at his penis.

“You can say that again...” The white mare gawked, awestruck. It was like the dragon had sprouted a third leg, and it was still hanging limb. Who knows how big it could get if Spike got a little excited and why the hell was she thinking this?! Rarity spun around, pulling her hair in front of her face. She had just been caught off guard, right? Her loyalty to her one and true love was as solid as a diamond! Maybe it was just some primal, neanderthal part of her brain putting silly thoughts in her head to confuse her. “I... I need to find some gold coins to rub.” With that, she skittered away like a mouse and disappeared. “I’ll be right back, I swear!”

Spike dragged a giant claw down his ridgid face and groaned. “Well... she didn’t scream.” But she was freaked out. It had been so long since he’d gone into this form that he forgotten it tore apart all of his regular clothes. Well whatever, maybe the intruder would be scared off by this massive penis as well. The dragon turned to the entrance, hearing the approachment of footsteps. His heart jumped a little.

They were here.