A Total Screw-Up

by TRIBOT 4000

First published February 1st, 2019 05:20

For a lot of stallions, absurd means you totally failed at getting a date with suave moves.
For a lot of stallions, absurd means you're foals broke every possible breakable thing in the house.
For a lot of stallions, absurd means you were late for work and didn't remember it was Saturday until you'd already gotten to your office.

For one stallion, absurd means the Lord of Chaos asking for help on improving his chaotic ways so he can take over his homeland, in turn marrying a cake consuming goddess.
Then again, stranger things have happened.

Chapters

You...uh...you...reality bending...um...something or other...I guess...

You...uh...you...reality bending...um...something or other...I guess...
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A Total Screw-Up

You...uh...you...reality bending...um...something or other...I guess...

"Let me get this straight." Shining began, with his hooves together and his eyes closed, "You want me to train you as a Royal Guard, coach you in the ways of being a strong, brave, courage filled soldier so you can get back your...uh... 'mojo' and once again become the Lord of Chaos?" He opened his eyes to view the response.

Discord nodded vigorously.

"...and this is my responsibility since I am the one who shattered your dreams by telling you that if you took over Equestria you would be responsible for making chaos an orderly thing which in turn caused you to blink out of existence forever?"

Another nod.

"So basically...you're bored of not existing?" Shining asked. He received one final nod before rubbing his temples, "Okay then...it's one of those days. Alright then, I'll see you at 0600 sharp tomorrow. Don't be late, and when you get there don't be sloppy. It's not everyday I get to beat up a demon.

Shining didn't see, but the god of Chaos shivered.

"Come on then, Ten more! Come on, you got this! Go, go, go!" Shining yelled at the Lord of Chaos.

"I'm trying my best!"

"I don't want back talk! I want progress. Another rep!"

"I can't--" Discord was interrupted as Shining got in his face pulled it up by a fangled tooth.

"Don't say that! Don't you ever say that you Celestia-danged piece of discoordinated, disproportionate, universe flippin', cake princess kissing, short-haired freakish, chaotic, half-minded, chocolate addict!"

Discord took a second, "...owch." before returning to his reps, which, needless to say, were him drinking orange juice by the gallon while balancing on the edge of a fork that was used in the movie Home Alone as a prop. Shining smiled before entering his inner-contemplation.

What am I doing? I'm teaching the Lord of Chaos to be chaotic. Does that make any sense? No. It doesn't. Wouldn't it be better for me to work on the reformation program? Well...I guess this is technically part of the reformation program. But Discord was already reformed. This doesn't count.

Discord smirked slightly, unbeknownst to the Captain of the Guard.

I could also be working with my other guards. Most of them are incompetent. This was very true. In fact, a week earlier they had managed to get themselves arrested. How? Shining's not so sure, but it had something to do with their undying loyalty to the crown.

Celestia's not much better either. She's got the whole nation thinking she's a spider now. I should really be out there, helping Luna bring things down a notch. She needs help after all. I need a break from Cadence anyways. How did she even manage to turn herself into a changeling? All the while spouting nonsense about Chrysalis being taken by her Spiderdom or whatever.

Discord grunted as a another glass of orange juice lost it's content to one of Discord eyes, "Okay, even I think that's a few too many references." His eye grew a face and nodded it's head in agreement before returning to 'normal'.

"Shut up Discord! Get to the showers and whine about having to wash. I'm going to check on..." Suddenly, an explosion erupted next to them both. When the dust cleared, there stood a strange creature. It had a green face that bore a question mark and a wore a fancy ballroom suit, completely clean, void of dirt. It stood up on it's back legs and pointed at Discord.

"Run, Son of Coul! The Barrier has broken!" he shouted. Discord gasped so hard his tongue yodeled.

"What?! How Anon?!! I thought we had space for at least a few 4th Wall Breaks." Anon shook his head and raised his hand

"The Builder has become fed up with our mistakes. He has decided to take things into his own hands. Both the Giver and the Follower have taken his side as well. In short..." The being named Anon stood dramatically as wind slowly made his coat ruffle, "...they're ticked."

Shining blinked and glanced between the two of them before speaking, "...what?" he was ignored thoroughly.

Discord put a paw to his chin, "Is there any way for us to reverse the process?"

"Yes, we shall need three things!" he pulled a list out of his...uh...butt I guess and started reading, "One, we need a Alicorn Spider! Two, we need a nerd who's capable of destroying the whole world but lacks the confidence to reach her full potential. Three, a Mission: Impossible soundtrack."

Shining decided that now was another good time to speak, "I repeat: what?" He was again ignored, though not so thoroughly this time.

Discord smiled widely, "Egads! We have all those things?" Anon, surprised by the response stood like a normal person.

"Wait, really? All of them are here? That's a bit...weird. Don't you think?"

"Actually no. Turns out, this dimension doesn't care about anything. Shining here is the only one with common sense. Well, him and Luna, but that's a fanfic for another time. For now, let us take the Tardis and collect the coincidentally easy to find items necessary to complete our quest." He turned around and looked Shining. He kneeled and put his claw arm to his chest in a bow, "Thank you Shining, for bringing the chaos back into my chocolate dependent nonexistent blood. I shall never forget you."

He snapped his fingers and disappeared.

My name Trevor, and I'm a fimfiction writer, known to many as TRIBOT 3000. I was writing the fourth installment of a series I was working on when the wall suddenly exploded open. I was unharmed, but very surprised to see before me a boat with various creatures, several I even recognized. However, in the very front was Shining Armor, a character of a kids TV show. Beside him stood...

"The Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Shining facehoofed, mumbled something, and then pointed at me with accusing hoof.

"Stop writing!" He shouted. I stood up and looked him right in the eye. I took a in breath, ready to say the one thing that needed to said.

"Okay."

Author's Note

I honestly don't know what happened.

This series has turned out crazier than I initially meant it to be. After the first one in the series I didn't think it would ever go furthur. I never planned on continueing it. But here we are, in the fourth installment. I don't know if there'll be more.