Prank War!

Chapters

Medieval Pollock
Munched
Nick the Dwagon Rider
Chapter Chapter
Munched 2: Chromatic Munchaloo
The great bit hunt
Drive by
Once in a blue moon
Munch3d: This time it's munchsonal
The house always pranks
The subtle things
The smell of pranking in the morning
Munched 4: Live Free or Munch Hard
The nothing prank
Bad luck charm
Good night. Sleep? Yeah right...
The Theseus Thesis
Double vision and then some
Want fries with that?
And push it somewhere else!
Nightmare Night...
...What a Fright...
...Give Me Something Sweet To Bite!
Metapranking
Take me out to the ball game
Munched 5: Mission Impossimunch
Tell your friends or else
Tell Pinkie or Else
Rise and shine
Prankster lessons: Being #1
All aboard the hype train
Let's go, Woona!
Inside/outside
Squawkward
For want of a moat
Munched 6: Rise of the UnderMuncher
Lazy river
Excessive Sparkles
Redecoration
The doofus decimal system
Smells like Confusion
Sound off!
Munched 7: The night Before Munchmas
Tag team prank: On my mark!
To whom it may concern
Sonic Painboom
The Big Machine
Market Street Mad Dash
The Shenanigan Squad
Fogged down
Splatstick
(En)danger Zone
My Mane is Inigo Munchoya
Chitty Chitty Bath Bath
Ponyvision
New in Town
Not so new in town
Apple a day
Nick or Nickel
Munched 9: The Mane Event
Muck and Cover
How I met your Princess
One, two, buckle my...
Counting Licks
Chomp
Business as unusual
Munchsona
Dungeons and Dimwits
Splish splash
Fun with tape
Lunachadora
Munched at sea
Rollin'
Still a better prank story than Twilight
This Chapter Doesn't Exist
ANGERY SON HORS
Dis-kabob-ulated
You can't say that on a Y7 show!

Medieval Pollock

"This is a dumb idea."

"Exactly, that's why we are doing this!"

The royal guard in Canterlot is among the best of the best. Boasting the best in discipline, loyalty, skill, and more, only the best of the best were allowed to join its ranks. For Lieutenant Sharp Eye of the night watch, patience, temperament and lack of sarcasm were not at royal guard levels. To the pegasus stallion's credit, though, it is difficult to be cheerful when one is one of two creatures pushing a trebuchet from the armory into the gardens.

"Her majesty is going to kill you if you mess with her flower arrangements this close to the zebrican ambassadors visiting," he warned.

His companion, the only human in the world, chuckled and ruffled Sharp's mane. "Don't be an idiot, Sharp. I wouldn't DARE mess with Celly's precious... whatever flowers these are. Worst I'll get out of this is the usual when they catch me. Now man up and help me push this thing!"

"I'm not a man."

"Pony up, then!"

It took another hour to get the siege weapon into position. Had any other creature been seen pushing a trebuchet up to the inner walls of the castle, they might have been arrested for high treason or worse. But Nick had a certain 'diplomatic immunity' when it came to the over-the-top pranks he and the diarchs often pulled on each other, so most staff either turned a blind eye or decided that other areas of the castle needed their attention more than the current location. Pushing up a cart full of bags and a chalkboard, Nick started making basic calculations in between loading the mystery bags into the trebuchet while Sharp stood lookout.

"Any pretty pony princesses come by?"

"Nick, I do night watch from the top of the north tower three days a week. If I can spot a robbery in the market from there in the dead of night, I THINK I could spot our benevolent rulers."

Nick snorted in jest, a habit picked up from his equine friends. "I prefer calling them 'above average horses', mainly because of how defensive you guys get."

Sharp frowned, but shook off the thoughts of that argument for a more pressing question. "So Nick, what exactly are you planning?"

Finishing setting a magic crystal to fire the trebuchet later, he smiled his trademark 'prank time' smile. "Oh, just imitating one of the greats."

4 hours later:

The sun peeked over the top of Canterlot mountain as it began its slow descent, and dozens of very high-class ponies gathered in the central courtyard of the castle for a very important event. Nick was among them, wearing a fine suit custom-made for him by a certain generous fashionista, and enjoying a glass of wine with his best friends, Celestia and Luna. All three seemed happy together, but a trained eye could tell all three had something planned, not that they let any clues slip.

After an hour of enjoying time together as friends, the diarchs stepped up to the podium located on one side of the courtyard to give a short speech. "My little ponies," Celestia began, "We are gathered here today to celebrate each and every one of you, the best artists, painters, and sculptors Canterlot has to offer. Of course, art is nothing without a subject and an audience, so some of Canterlot's elite have come to see all your hard work over the past year."

Luna stepped forward to continue. "Furthermore, we hath summoned a great artist to have the honor of painting our sister and ourself, so please welcome the otherworldly artist, Nicholas Abernathy!" Hooves stomped the ground in applause as a unicorn shone a magical spotlight on Nick, and a pair of guards escorted him to the stage. The sisters had comically wide grins as Nick was all but dragged to the stage, but those grins faltered as he left the guards behind and walked up to the easel and canvas without any prompting.

"So, you called me here to paint the two of you in a way only a human can, hm?" Nick asked, choosing to sport a comically fake French accent.

Celestia and luna began to sweat nervously at their prank victim's sudden confidence. As a psychology major, Nick could barely draw a straight line, let alone a Van Gogh level masterpiece! "Y-yes, we decided to have you come and paint us, as you are the best human artist we know and we thought showing the elite members of the local artistry guilds human culture would be a great opportunity for them to grow. It's not as if you are really a terrible painter and would be a laughingstock, right?" Celestia inquired, hoping to tease the human with his imminent humiliation.

Luna cut in, her voice echoing through the courtyard. "Enough stalling! Paint us!"

The sisters froze as Nick grinned. They knew in that moment that they were about to suffer. Nick simply raised his hand, holding a small crystal, and threw it to the ground, activating it.

"With pleasure."

On the other side of the courtyard walls, a trebuchet launched gallons of glow-in-the-dark pink paint at the center of the platform, drenching both the solar and lunar diarch. As everypony stood stock still while their brains rebooted from the shock, Nick bowed to the crowd. "Thank you, thank you! You are all too kind! The princesses have been painted. I live here, so I'll be here all week. Toodles!" With that, Nick dashed off, vaulting over the guards and sprinting through the first archway he reached. As he ran, cackling like a madman at his latest prank, he covered his ears and braced for the inevitable.

"NNNNNNIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!"

That night, after a long chase through the castle the tracked paint everywhere, Nick was given his usual comeuppance, as he predicted. "Any last words?" Celestia asked, her and Luna's coats still softly glowing as they held Nick in the air with magic.

"Yeah, you two look really nice. Did you do something with your fur?"

And with that, Equestria's only human was dropped from the balcony into the moat below, for the third time that month.

Author's Note

I couldnt sleep so have a short story about prank ideas and I guess I'll update it if I cant sleep again bye for now

Munched

Twilight Sparkle was one of, if not the best, in her field of expertise. As a princess of Equestria, there were many things she had seen in her time spent as Celestia's student. With her immense intelligence and countless lists, she could confidently say that she was prepared for anything. Then Nick arrived.

"So, I'm going to pretend that this is a normal occurrence. What are you two doing?" She asked, gazing upward.

Laying atop the grand chandelier of the Castle of friendship, Nick and Luna looked down at the purple princess before simultaneously replying, "Nothing."

Twilight sighed, putting a hoof to her forehead to stave off the headache she knew she would be getting from this. "Explain the ninja outfits then."

"Tis a precaution, Twilight Sparkle. Everypony knows wearing full ninja gear dramatically increases thine odds of remaining hidden," Luna explained.

"And you are in Ponyville... why?"

Suddenly, the ground shook, and in the distance a cry of inarticulate rage could be heard from Canterlot mountain. Trying to make himself as small as possible, Nick simply replied, "So we don't die for a few more hours."

The middle of the week was usually a slog for most ponies, but today was a great day for Celestia! The nobles hadn't been too pushy and demanding during day court, there were no major incidents threatening the safety of her little ponies, and there was only one last thing she had to do today before she was done for the day: observing the new banners being unfurled for the first time in the throne room. It wasn't an official event, but it never failed to make her smile at the hard work and coordination of her little ponies.

"Go ahead, I always enjoy this. And it's been so long since the last time. What is it now, five years? Here's hoping that these last just as long, and are just as interesting to look at!"

With a flourish, the maids released the ropes holding the banners closed, making all twenty one banners decorating the throne room visible in all their glory.

And the world stopped. For a moment, nothing was said. Nopony moved, or spoke, or even dared to breathe as they all stared in horror at the banners. Each one was supposed to bear a unique design from various artists, but instead they all bore the same image. Plastered across the throne room, in its larger than life glory, was a very familiar, incriminating image Celestia longed to forget, along with the caption,

Princess Celestia is a cake muncher!

Celestia screamed in rage. Back in ponyville, Nick turned to Luna. "So, I hear the crystal empire is nice this time of year."

"I agree, Nicholas. But I will be going alone. You stay here." Luna lit her horn to get a head start with teleportation, but a hand on her back startled her and let Nick get in another question.

"Why did you come along, anyway? I set those banners up."

Luna simply grinned and replied, "Thy prank, though fantastic, will be nothing compared to phase two. We think you might escape this time free of punishment." And in a blink of light, she was gone.

Back in Canterlot, Celestia was livid. "I don't care how many guards it takes! Find. Them. NOW!" Her guards saluted before scampering off. Celestia sighed, but it was one of quiet respect. She would have revenge, in due time, but she had to admire the ingenuity behind this prank. Hopefully the actual banners were stored somewhere else, otherwise this would cost a pretty bit to replace. Plans already formulating in her head, she moved to the nearest balcony and lowered the sun without any of the usual flair she put on for her public.

And her jaw dropped to the floor, for shining in the night sky was that same infuriating image, complete with caption, painted in starlight!

Back at castle friendship, Nick sipped his tea with Twilight while staring at the night sky. Rainbow dash was rolling around on the ground laughing. "So," Nick began, "I think I'm not getting tossed in the moat tonight." As he watched an angry white shooting star leave the castle and shoot towards them, he sipped his tea again. Celestia made the trip in record time, flying up to the three stargazers, her mane and tail ablaze.

"WHERE?" she demanded.

"Flew off towards the Crystal Empire. Want me to just go jump in the moat when I get back to the castle, save you the trouble, Cake Muncher?"

"I WILL DEAL WITH YOU LATER." And she was gone, flying at top speed.

"Welp, already gonna get soaked later, might as well go double or nothing. Hey Rainbow, wanna go raid Princess Cake Muncher's secret dessert stash?"

Rainbow simply smiled, and prepared to launch into the night sky. "I'll go get Pinkie."

Author's Note

So, who should be the victim next? Let me know, I have plenty of material.

On an unrelated note, I am now hungry. That's what I get for writing about food on an empty stomach...

Nick the Dwagon Rider

"There's a dragon at the castle? For real? You don't just mean spike, right? Right?" Nick hopped around excitedly, a huge grin on his face.

Celestia smiled her usual, warm smile. "Yes, a dwagon is waiting in the courtyard. Would you like to ride it, like some of those human novels you told us about?" Nick nodded so fast it seemed as though he was trying to become a bobblehead.

"Boy, would I! This is gonna be great!"

Luna chose this moment to chime into the conversation. "Before thou begin, Nicholas, thou must understand that this is a dwagon with a powerful enchantment. Only the worthy can ride it. But here, place these special goggles on thy head, so that thou might soar atop it safely." With no prompting, Nick took the goggles and put them on, only looking slightly ridiculous. But he didn't care, he was going to ride a friggin' dragon! With speed that could match the best Olympic sprinters, he dashed out towards the courtyard with no hesitation.

There it was. Nick saw a reptile the size of a small car laying in the courtyard, brilliant white scales shimmering in the afternoon sun. A saddle rested on it's back, and it turned to Nick with an expectant look on its face.

He very nearly bolted across to his prize, but was held steady by his alicorn friends. "Hold on, Nick," Celestia began, "You have to be very careful with this dwagon. We will need to lift you on ourselves." She levitated Nick into the saddle, and helped him get secure. "You must also understand that this dwagon is going to the eastern quarter of the city for a brief patrol, and you are merely a passenger, not the one in control. Do you still want to go?"

Nick didn't respond with words, just shaking in pure excitement as he got to live an experience that most humans can only dream of. Luna chimed in. "Then be off, and have a safe journey! And do be careful, we would loathe to see thee hurt by falling off the dwagon, Nicholas!"

"This is the greatest day of my life!"

The route was slow, but Nick couldn't help but smile. As his ride stopped at every house, not even bothering to take off into the air, Nick would occasionally shout hello to passersby while thinking of how generous and kind his friends were. He was living the dream, and it felt too good to be true!

Then, without warning, he got an itch in his eye. Deciding it would be alright to not heed Celestia's advice on his new goggles for just a moment, he took them off to rub his eyes free of any dust. And that is the moment the facade fell.

Without his goggles projecting an illusion into his eyes and ears, he now saw what his 'dragon' really was. In reality, it truly was a dwagon, better known as a Delivey Wagon.

Or as most humans would call it, the mail truck.

Nick's eye twitched as he realized all the strange stares of shock he had been getting along his route were not of awe and admiration, and that he had spent the last hour and a half sitting atop a glorified mail truck screaming that this was the happiest day of his life. In short, he looked like a complete and utter fool, and somepony was gonna pay.

"Uh-oh," one of the two delivery ponies pulling the D-wagon squeaked out. "He took off the enchanted goggles. He can see us now. What do we do, First Class?"

The other began to visibly sweat, trying to draw on some mystical force to resummon the illusion of a dragon through sheer will. Alas, the Earth pony could not. "I don't suppose you would let me and my partner here go? W-we were ordered by the princesses not to tell you what was going on..."

Nick furrowed his brow, glaring at the pony for any hint of a lie. Finding none, he sighed. "Fine, fine. I suppose I can't get mad at you for obeying a royal order. You there, pegasus. Help me down and I'll call us even." The other mailpony pulling the D-wagon looked up at him... and also sideways at a tree, and nodded.

"Sure thing, sir! And just call me Derpy!" The gray pegasus mare flew up and helped Nick off the vehicle, before handing him a small stack of embarrasing photos of him riding atop the 'mighty beast'. "Oh, and since you're heading back to the castle, could you maybe deliver these to the princesses for us? They wanted as many as the camera would print!" She gestured to a camera mounted on the front of the D-wagon's roof, pointed straight at where Nick had been sitting. Nick simply took the photos and patted the wall-eyed mare on the head.

"Don't worry about a thing, miss Derpy. I will personally deliver these to the princesses. You have a safe rest of your delivery route, you adorable little thing, you."

He walked off towards the castle, plotting his revenge. That night, he delivered the photos as promised. But not in one piece, mind you: they made lovely confetti after being shredded and doused with glue, and Nick thought the royal sisters looked lovely with all that confetti stuck to their well-groomed coats.

Author's Note

Autocorecc dis, yoo dum compewter.

This prank's secret victim is... all of you, for thinking I didn't check my spelling! Gotcha!

Chapter Chapter

"Sister! We have received thy urgent summons. The messenger said we are in danger?" Luna was clearly winded from galloping all the way from her tower to the secret, fortified meeting room at the castle's center.

"Ah, Luna. I am glad you made it here safely. However," Nick began, sitting at the table with Celestia. He wore a black suit and tie, and a pair of sunglasses as well. "But Celestia and Luna won't be leaving this room."

Luna glared at Nick, anger clearly visible her face.
"Nicholas Abernathy, thou will explain thyself at once! Art thou threatening us?"

"No, but someone else has," interrupted Celestia. "We received a threat this morning in the mail claiming potential harm to one of both of us, so I requested Nick to help us out."

Celestia gestured to her human friend, who nodded and began to explain. "Alright, here's the situation. Late last night a letter was delivered that threatened the ponies known as Celestia and Luna. At some point during the next seven days, and I quote, 'a pony bearing one of those two names will suffer.' We cannot let this come to pass."

Luna gasped. "This is not good! I suppose you have a solution, Nicholas? It would be beneficial if we were not attacked this week."

Nick shrugged. "As if next week would be any better for us to be attacked? Regardless," he continued, taking on a more serious posture, "The solution is simple. The letter explicitly states that a pony with the name Celestia or Luna will suffer. So, for the rest of the week, we need to change your names!"

Celestia nodded. Luna's jaw dropped in shock at the simple yet elegant solution. Nick pulled out a list and kept talking. "So, I have a list of completely randomly assigned names here. No bias or anything. Oh geez, I've always wanted to say this..."

Nick leaned up against a mantelpiece and spoke with authority. "For security purposes, your names must now be changed daily. Today, the staff will refer to you as..."

A very irate midnight-blue alicorn walked down the halls, a very large scowl on her face. The guards to her left and right bowed respectfully, suppressing snickers and giggles. One was about to speak up, but an alabaster alicorn approaching stopped any chance of that. "Hello, my fellow princess. I was just about to go lower the sun. How are you?"

The lunar diarch sighed. "Hello, sister."

"Use my name, Princess Loopy Frou-Frou."

Luna growled in anger. "Hello, Best Princess," she replied, venom dripping from her voice.

Celestia chuckled. "Are you still upset about this whole name changing precaution we have going? Today is the last day of it."

"What I am upset about," Luna griped, "is how you got all the cool names and I get stuck with the entire castle staff calling me Princess Loopy Frou-Frou!" Indeed, it had been a bad week for Luna. From day one until now, she had been saddled with ridiculous names from Nick's 'unbiased draw', while Celestia got names that either fit her perfectly or were some form of compliment.

Over the past six days, Celestia had taken up the names of Kindhearted Ruler, Shimmering Mane, Daylight Hope, Clear Skies, Blessed Hope, and now, much to Luna's chagrin, Best Princess. Luna, on the other hand, continued to get the short end of the stick. It started innocently enough, with her being made to take up the name 'Princess Princess' the first day, but the temporary names got progressively worse as the week progressed. Fuzzy-Wuzzy Lumpelkins followed suit, succeeded by Moony McMooncheeks XVII, #UltraButt and XxJagerbomb420xX. And now Princess Loopy Frou-Frou.

"Let's just get this over with. Maybe you'll get the dumb name this time."

Inside the briefing room, Nick leaned against the mantelpiece as he had the past six days. "Good evening, ladies. Ready to get started?"

"Actually Nicholas," Luna began, "I was wondering if you could perhaps swap mine and my sister's assigned names for tomorrow. Perhaps..." she thought of an excuse, hoping to get the good name for the last day of this suffering. "Perhaps our assailant has gotten word of this, and still knows who to make suffer?"

Nick grinned. "Believe me, I know who my targets are." Winking, he added, "Having fun, my dear double agent?"

Luna's eye twitched. Celestia replied, "Oh, loads of fun! We should do this more often."

"I would be delighted to. Luna, Celestia, for security reasons, I am afraid your names must be changed daily one last time. Celestia, today we shall refer to you as Prank Master. And Luna, today we shall refer to you as..." A silence descended upon the room as Nick pulled out a long sheet of paper. Celestia tried to hold back from guffawing. Both of Luna's eyes twitched.

"... Zibble-Wibble, Oops! In My Kibble, Walla-Walla-Walla-Walla the Third!"

As the moon set, the lunar princess held Nick high above the moat, ready for a well-earned dunk. "Any last words?"

Nick scoffed. "On my honor, I will have my revenge, Zibble-Wibble, Oops! In My Kibble, Walla-Wallaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....."

Hearing a satisfying splash, Luna turned and trotted back inside. "Next time, pick a shorter name."

Author's Note

I can't take credit for this prank! It's from one of my childhood guilty pleasures, the cartoon known as The Secret Show! The commander had his name changed daily "For security reasons", and the running joke was the name was always ridiculous. Here, have a look:

https://youtu.be/oAw1XATpAHY

Munched 2: Chromatic Munchaloo

The kitchens of Canterlot Castle were among the best in the world in every aspect. Cutting-edge, top of the line appliances, five star chefs, and only the freshest ingredients found their place in, as Nick so eloquently called it, the Nom-nom room.

But there is a section of the kitchen few dare to tread, a special fridge that any of the chefs could add to, but only ponies with Celestia's express permission could take from. Coveted by many, the Royal Cake Vaulttm was kept under lock and key. Nick had made many, many, many attempts at its contents in the past, but never one like this. In the dead of night, the shadows his only friend, he struck.

As Nick left the kitchens, all the lights switched on and he was left staring at a VERY peeved Celestia. The heat growing in the room was very noticeable as embers wafted off of the solar princess's mane. "Put it back."

Nick threw his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright. I know when I'm beat. I will take this small cake and put it back in the fridge. You sure I can't have just one slice?"

"No. Have the chefs make you one if you are that desperate. But don't take my cakes."

Nick reopened the fridge and knelt down to replace the treat. "Alright. Just let me move this one so I can..."

It happened so fast Celestia didn't have time to react completely. In one swift, practiced motion, Nick first grabbed one of the smallest cakes in the fridge, and tossed it over his shoulder. Then, he gave the cake he was holding a nice, long lick before putting it back un the fridge and running away, cackling maniacally.

Barely catching the cake in her magic, Celestia let out a loud sigh. "I suppose he can have that one, at least. Nopony wants a treat after it's been licked. I swear, that human... sometimes I wonder just how much thought he puts into those attempted cake abductions. This one almost felt like he was TRYING to get caught!" And with her thoughts laid bare, she gobbled up the dessert in her magic in a single bite.

Suddenly, her eyes went wide in realization. "Oh, ponyfeathers."

The elements of Harmony are in a panic! Rarity is laid back on the couch, crying about how she will need to recolor her whole sunshine collection. Applejack and Rainbow Dash are debating over who is going to punch whoever is responsible first. Fluttershy was cowering in the corner, and Twilight was running experiments to see if the local plant life will be affected by the current situation.

Pinkie Pie was doing something with a bucket, 17 rubber chickens, and twine, but that's just Pinkie being Pinkie.

All heads turned to the map room doors as they swung open, the planet's only human illuminated in the morning sun's Ray's. Nick stepped into the map room, a notebook in his hand. "Sparky and company, good morning! I have a scientific theory I need testing, and it relates to our current... minor predicament."

Twilight flew right up in Nick's face, fury evident on her features. "Minor predicament. MINOR PREDICAMENT?! YOU CALL THIS MINOR?"

"Compared to Starlight nearly destroying time, Cozy nearly deleting all magic, the Storm King fiasco, and Tirek trying to kill everything, not even counting the adventures you had before I arrived in Equestria? Yeah, this is minor."

"THE SUN IS GREEN!"

"I believe the term is 'environmentally friendly', Sparky." He booped the fuming alicorn on the snout. "Besides, green light doesn't really make the world look TOO different, doesn't it? I doubt anyone's noticed."

Twilight paused. "...you did this, didn't you? Fix it. Now."

Nick took a step back in fear. "Okay, okay! I didn't expect this to happen, but, like I said, I have a theory. I think Celestia is an extension of the sun, or something. Because otherwise there's no way what I did to Celly would have had any effect on that giant fireball."

Twilight's interest was peaked, now. She put a hoof to her chin in deep thought. "It is true that such a theory has been passed around, but nopony has ever proven it, not even the princesses. If there is a connection between Celestia and the sun, as well as Luna and the moon, anything done to them could have an effect on the other. If we could prove that, we'd be in every scientific journal, ever. What makes you think you have proof?"

Nick sheepishly grinned. "Uh, I have my reasonings. On a completely unrelated note, Celestia sent me down here get a poision joke cure...?"

"You didn't."

"Spiked one of her cakes with the stuff. Didn't expect the sun to go green."

"You and your stupid pranks just opened more scientific possibilities than 100 years of research has."

"Just get the cure."

"Fine," Twilight sighed. "I'll contact Zecora. But you know, Nick, one experiment doesn't prove a hypothesis. You think you could pull the same stunt on Luna if I helped you sneak around more easily with magic?"

Nick did a double take, unable to process what his purple pony pal just said. "Wait, you want to HELP with a prank? You, the one pony who follows every rule and protocol ever written? That only happens once in a blue moon!"

"Exactly!" Twilight beamed. "A blue moon is exactly what I hope to make!"

The great bit hunt

Lieutenant Sharp Eye flew alongside Nick as he sprinted across Ponyville. Nick couldn't help but feel that this was more than it seemed, but pranks were the last thing on his mind.

"Why did you even bring it to Ponyville in the first place? I know how you keep it under lock and key, normally."

"Twilight asked to see them, figure out if they were worth anything!" He slowed down to catch his breath. "I swear, the one time I show off..."

Everypony, and every human, has that one thing they collect for no apparent reason. Knick-knacks and odds n' ends that others see as strange to keep. Nick, for instance, hoards commemorative coins like a dragon. Any bit that comes his way with a special design goes right into his special bit bag. And Twilight, in all her genius, had lost it somewhere in ponyville.

"I'm so sorry!" She had wailed when Nick came to pick his collection up. "I misplaced it yesterday. And I can't help look right now, since me and the girls are needed in Canterlot urgently! I'm sure they will turn up eventually. Why not look around the castle and the surrounding area? It can't be too far away." This began a mad dash across the small town, human and guard racing to find the collection before anypony else could.

Alas, all was for naught, and the duo had to take the last train home to Canterlot Castle. Nick was upset, but knowing how situations like this tended to end in a musical number, a friendship lesson, and everything being set right, he held onto hope that his collection would turn up eventually. Until something caught his eye, glittering on the floor of the Canterlot train station as they disembarked.

Nick bent down to pick it up on the nearly empty platform. A bit, a single shiny bit. More specifically, one of the commemorative bits released to celebrate the Summer Sun Celebration. And there was another on the steps leading off the platform, and an Elements of Harmony coin further down the street. It took a moment for it all to click in the heads of the human/pony duo.

"They're baiting me. Somepony took my collection and is friggin' leaving me a trail. I swear, of all the days for this to happen, why today? I've wasted most of the day, and it's a special day..." Nick lamented.

"Cheer up Nick. At least we found the trail. Come on, I'll keep watch, you get as many as you can!"

Several things became obvious fast. First and foremost, the trail was laid deliberately, with Nick in mind. Not only was each coin clearly visible from the previous one's location, the coins were laid out in chronological order, like a timeline. Second, the sisters were clearly behind this, as he caught glimpses of guards watching the coins to ensure he found them, and the trail led him down several empty streets on the way to Canterlot Castle.

Finally reaching the Castle gates, Nick and Sharp found his bit bag parked right in front of the dining room doors. Picking it up, he found everything in order once the coins from the trail were added. Not noticing Sharp Eye slipping away, he pushed the doors into the moonlit room open, readying his triad against the royals. "Alright, you two, way too far. You do not mess with my colle-"

"Surprise! Happy Birthday, Nick!"

The lights all came on at once, revealing all of Nick's friends among the castle staff, the royal sisters, and the elements of harmony gathered around a large cake and countless party decorations. Twilight stepped forward.

"Sorry about having to lie to you there, but we couldn't think of a better way to keep you busy all day! I hope this makes up for it." She floated a bit bag into Nick's grasp, and upon opening it, he found his own face smiling back at him. Engraved on each coin in the bag: "Lord Nicholas Abernathy of Canterlot".

"Lord of Canterlot?" Nick's voice quavered.

"Yes, my sister and I saw fit to bestow upon thee that title, officially inducting thee into the nobility. And one of the few we do not mind being around.
It should help you bypass some laws to pull off even better pranks, " Luna explained. "And those bits are the only ones in the world of their kind. We have prepared a certificate of authenticity to verify them as valid currency as well. Take care of them, NichoLAS!" Luna was startled as Nick leapt forward and embraced his friend in a hug, which all the other ponies present quickly joined. Looking around at his friends, no, his family, and all the gifts they brought, he realized just how appreciated he was among those who knew him. Mainly for the polite, kind personality he showed to his friends when they needed it, and also how much fun he allowed the royal sisters to have with their prank war. He smiled.

"Eh, I suppose I can let that prank slide, this one time. But for now, LET'S PARTY!"

Author's Note

It's my birthday on the day I posted this! I turned 22, so what better way to celebrate than having a party in the story, too?

Nick and I are the same here. I obsessively collect Bicentennial coins, mostly quarters.

Drive by

"This cannot be safe, Nick. I have lived for thousands for years, and I have seen this level of stupidity only a few times."

"That's why we put a seat belt in, Celestia."

"Just promise me you'll go slow and only drive it on Castle grounds for now."

"Who said I was driving? I have a volunteer. Twilight's gonna use a spell to let me see through the front of the vehichle, and I'll drive remotely."

"I still don't see how this is safe." Celestia looked over the contraption with uncertainty. While Nick was pretty good at constructing wacky devices with Twilight's help, and Nick wouldn't be riding it... "I get your idea of a 'car', but was it entirely necessary to strap wheels to a bathtub?"

"Yes, if the name alone made it necessary," Nick replied, putting the finishing touches on the logo of the Bathmobiletm.

Twilight smiled as she filled the tub with water. "Just think of how much time this will save, bathing on the go! Nick has a good idea going here."

"Fine. At least tell me who your volunteer is."

Nick smirked. "Oh, he'll be here shortly. He doesn't know he's volunteering, but I am sure he will be thrilled." Putting a hand to his ear, he listened to the approaching voice in the hallway. "Here he comes now!"

"Out of my way, peasant! You're lucky I dont have you fired for that! Ah, there it is. Ape! You have some explaining to do!" A rather irate unicorn stormed into the room, easily identifiable by his white coat, blond mane, chiseled jaw, and insufferable attiude.

Nick stood up and took a step back, feigning surprise. "Prince Blueblood? My apologies, your majesty, but I am unsure of what you mean." He sat down cross-legged on the floor to be at eye level with the prince, knowing he hated the height difference.

"You know full well what you did, ape." Holding up a single hoof, he pointed at his chin, where upon very close inspection one could see a tiny, almost unnoticeable splotch of juice. "This is the result of one of your outrageous pranks, switching my goblet with those accursed dribble glasses of yours. I have a meeting with auntie Luna and that fashionable element bearer, Clarity, in twenty minutes, and I need to bathe all over again to look my best!"

Smiling, Nick stood up and gestured to his vehicle. "Well then, you are in luck! I just so happen to have been building this contraption, and it might just solve all your problems! This Bathmobiletm is designed to carry anypony anywhere in comfort and style, while getting them clean to boot! How about I drive you there remotely with this, and you can be perfectly clean and presentable when you meet Rarity. I heard she was very excited to see you again."

Yesterday

"Hey Rarity, can you meet with Blueblood tomorrow?"

"Absolutely not."

"I'm pranking him, you're gonna have front row seats."

"Please, allow a lady to finish speaking, Nicholas. Absolutely not... is what a fool would say."

"Hmph! Fine, but we will be discussing this further, ape. You have no right to go romping around the castle just because my aunts and all the peasant staff like you." Getting into the tub, he picked up the provided bath bomb Twilight floated to him and dropped it in the water, turning it a bubbling blue. "Ah, a bubble bath! Perhaps I will permit you to go unpunished this one time, IF you get me to my meeting in a timely manner."

"Will do, your majesty." With a flourish and a press of the controls, Blueblood was off, already scrubbing at his chin to remove the smudge. Nick hoof bumped Twilight while making sure the contraption stayed on course.

"How'd you convince him that was such a good idea? Not that I'm against him learning some humility," Celestia inquired.

"Mixed some of Applejack's super salty cider in with his grape juice. She hides the salty taste so well he probably doesn't even know he's slightly inebriated. Want me to 'accidentally' drive this thing down the stairs and into the courtyard? It's not the original plan, but I'll change it for ya if you want, Celly."

"This is fine."

Blueblood rolled down the hallways in Nick's bathmobile, happy as a clam. He chuckled at the peasant staff pointing at him and covering their smiles with their hooves, knowing they were simply in awe and jealous of his new and innovative way to clean on the go and cut preparation time in half! Dipping his head under the fizzing blue water one last time to rinse off, the odd contraption entered the conference room where Rarity and Luna waited.

To the two ponies waiting for Blueblood, only Rarity knew he was to suffer a prank, but she certainly was not expecting her hated royal 'friend' to roll through the door. In a bathtub. Smelling of salt. And clearly pleased with himself.

Luna recovered first as the vehicle approached, stifling a chuckle. "Hello nephew, how art thou this fine evening?"

"Oh, wonderful, auntie! Nick provided this grand method of bathing on the way to my meetings, so that I do not have to spend time in my room preparing when I could be attending events instead. Look!"

Luna stepped closer to examine the Bathmobiletm. As soon as she was in range, hidden spring placed on the rear axle of the mobile tub catapulted one inebriated pony and 80 gallons of blue bathwater onto her. As Rarity fell over laughing at Blueblood, still perfectly dry, a dripping wet, angry pair of ponies stood up and had only one thing to say.

"Nicholas!" "Ape!"

"So I hear Saddle Arabia is nice this time of year," Nick stated. "Twilight, thanks for the help. The rest is in your hooves." And with speed rivaling a wonderbolt, he was gone.

"The rest?" Pondered the Solar diarch.

"Yes! You really think I'd help Nick prank for no reason?" Pulling out a clipboard, she trotted off towards the meeting room. "It's time for SCIENCE!"

Author's Note

Wait a minute... BULE bathwater? A bath bomb that neither Nick nor Twilight wanted to touch?

Looks like you're all getting your wish next chapter, because that prank was no joke. It was POISION joke!

Credit to the webtoon "Eddsworld" for the Bathmobiletm.

Once in a blue moon

"We are going to kill him."

"Luna..."

"Blueblood will also sit in the dungeons for a year or two for his indiscretion."

"Don't act like you didn't want him to stop crying and complaining."

"Sister, thou will tell us where Nicholas is hiding."

"I think it kinda looks nice like that..."

"Sister, if you try to convince us that our moon looks better in blue, we will make you wish Nightmare Moon was back."

Princess Luna was NOT happy. She had woken up feeling slightly off, and still fuming over Nick's prank the day before, but she decided to put those feeling aside and raise the moon. Unfortunately for her, a certain purple pony princess had a correct hypothesis, and the kingdom was bathed in blue light from her now-colored moon.

Storming out of her bedroom in rage, having put 2 and 2 together and realizing Nick and poision joke were the likely cause after last month's 'green sun' incident, Luna made her way to the royal bathhouse to have the antidote prepared. But there was a problem.

"I'm so sorry, your highness," began the spamare. "Prince Blueblood requisitioned all of our antidote to run a bath in the communal bath, and he just left. C-could I interest you in a hooficure instead?" She hesitantly inquired.

Catching up to Blueblood was no easy feat with the nobles constantly bombarding her with questions about her part of the sky's new paint job. Several scientist ponies even warned her about blue light potentially causing insomnia in some ponies, which only spurred her anger on further. Just when she thought it had reached a fever pitch and could not climb any higher, she caught her nephew and demanded to know why he took all the antidote for himself. His answer nearly earned him a trip to her miscolored space rock.

"Oh, aunite, it was dreadful! After that Blarity pony laughed at me, I cleaned up and went to bed. But I learned that the bath was full of poision joke, and it... it had the most HORRIFYING effect! I had to take all the antidote the ensure it would stay away for good." Upon Luna's inquiry as to what the poision joke did to him that was so horrific, he replied, "Oh, it was terrible! I had a single... a... A SPLIT END IN MY MANE!"

Luna promptly tossed the royal brat in the dumpster to give him more to worry about than a split end, and went to find Celestia, which brings us to right now.

"We will ask thee one more time, Celestia. Where is he?"

Celestia sighed. "Fine, he fled to ponyville with Twilight late last night. She wanted to speak with you about the current effects the poision joke is having on you, for some research project she is up to. From what I understand, she has the only antidote in Ponyville and Canterlot, and it will take a month to make more. You had better hurry before Blueblood decides he needs a second detox."

"Thanks again, Luna! This data will prove invaluable to my research into magical disabilities and curses. I will go get the antidote, don't you worry." After Luna learned that Twilight had been bribed into this prank through the promise of scientific data and two first-edition signed biographies of Starswirl the bearded and Clover the Clever, Luna could not get angry at Twilight Sparkle. Clever as always, Nick made sure to keep the fallout from his pranks directed at him, mainly because he knew the royal sisters would never permanently harm him. Still, she became irritated as Twilight took longer than normal, and worried when she started hearing the purple princess's lab being torn apart.

"Twilight, what is the matter? Art thou hurt?" Luna cried out as she barged into the room.

"It's gone! The antidote was here, and now it's gone! All I found was some paper that-" she gasped as Luna nearly ripped the paper in question out of her magic. Written on it were the words,

"I.O.U. one antidote. -Nick"

Luna nearly collapsed to the floor as she lamented the situation. "Why would Nicholas do this? A prank is a prank, to be sure, but we cannot leave our moon blue for a month! And yet he takes the only antidote in Ponyville and Canterlot anyway. Why?"

Twilight thought for a minute, then realized something. "It's not like him to pull a prank he can't undo at a moment's notice. What about the antidote stash in the everfree?"

"The what?"

"To help a friend gives me much pleasure, especially the princess whose night I do treasure," Zecora answered upon learning of Luna's predicament. Luna had been shocked to learn of a zebra apothecary living in the everfree forest, but had quickly grown to like the rhyming shaman. Potionmakers at Zecora's level of skill were rare in the time before Luna's banishment, and were so unheard of today she had thought it was a lost art. Instead, as she soaked in the antidote and watched the color drain from her moon, she had met a new friend. As she got out of the bath and bid her new friend farewell, Zecora produced a gift and spoke once more.

"Nick was here, saying your spirits need a lift, so he left with me, for you, a gift."

"A new friend, and an apology gift. Perhaps dear Nicholas will not be spending the night on the moon after all." As she opened the lid, a massive banana cream pie launched out and ruined her coat and mane. Fuming mad once more, she scowled towards Caterlot, where she bet Nick was hiding. "He will instead be spending the whole week on the moon!"

Author's Note

Who says you gotta be physically there to pull a prank? Not me.

Munch3d: This time it's munchsonal

Late night at Canterlot Castle, and an intruder has infiltrated the building. Well, more along the lines of 'hid in the broom closet and put on a ninja costume', but the epitome of stealth was on the hunt, silent as could be.

*Crash* "Sonofa-" Nick the shadow warrior ducked behind a tapestry as two guards trotted over to investigate the noise resulting from the vase he totally didn't just knock over. It was wobbly beforehand, he swore. Slipping away, he made his way towards his target: the kitchens.

Opening the door, his mood sank instantly. Deployed throughout the room were various high-ranking guards armed with every nonlethal weapon he could think of. It wasn't a pretty sight.

Cursing under his breath at the upped security, Nick quietly surveyed the area. There wasnt much chance of him sneaking through, but maybe if he decided to pull some tricks out of the spy movies he'd seen...

As Nick quickly discovered, the guards were not too smart. Then again, with how many times a major villain attacked, he wasn't too surprised. That, and clearly they needed video games, because Nick was channeling Solid Snake as he slowly shuffled across the kitchen, bit by bit, under the best stealth device imaginable: a cardboard box.

The guards, knowing full well Nick was there, stifled their giggles. Celestia had ordered them to 'guard' the cake stash, but to let whatever asinine plot Nick came up with to work. It was payback time after all, and revenge is so much sweeter when the victim thinks they have the upper hand.

Ditching the box as he reached the storage room with Celestia's cake stash, Nick eagerly pulled the door shut and looked around at all the delicious goodies. He had a different plan this time. Every time he tried to sneak a cake to his room, Celestia caught him. It was as though she knew when he touched the cakes. So this time, he wouldn't be taking them out of the room and eating them later; he would instead eat them here and now! Yanking out a fork and knife from his pocket, he took a mighty leap and dove into the nearest cake display.

And then the illusion promptly faded, forcing Nick to face plant into the wall at high speed. Shaking himself off, Nick had only one thing on his mind.

"That sneaky little princess. I'm gonna get those cakes one day." A quick check of the room revealed that every cake was a magical illusion, each one another reminder that once again he failed to steal even a single morsel of Celestia's cakes. "Greedy pony princess..." he muttered, not even bothering to sneak back out. The guards certainly weren't quiet either, laughing about his 'amazing stealth skills'.

Sulking back to his room, Nick opened the door to find a pleasant surprise! A large double-decker cake was situated on the table, expertly made and decorated in a way Nick couldn't help but marvel at. In icing, on the top, was written: "Happy 50th failed cake raid! -Celestia"

"Oh she is so gonna get it tomorrow. But first..." pulling out the utensils once more, Nick took one final look at the cake before deciding that if Celestia made him a cake, he should eat it like she does. Throwing formalities out the window, he lunged forward and took a massive bite out of the dessert.

And the cake exploded in his face. More specifically, there was never a cake at all, just a large balloon coated in icing. Sitting up and wiping his face clean, Nick laughed hysterically.

"Alright, Celestia! You win this round, but at least I still get my icing! Joke's on you!" Gathering up a huge dollop of icing, he jammed it all in his mouth at once.

As Nick took the first taste of wasabi 'icing' his screams could be heard across the castle.

Author's Note

A slightly shorter chapter because I'm tired and not feeling well. I think I'm getting a cold. :raritydespair:

The house always pranks

Luna levitated three bits off the table, leaving 4 behind. A hand reached over and took three more. Luna responded by flipping the table away in anger.

"How exactly art thou doing that? Thou art rigging the game, we know you are." Nick grinned and accepted the bits as she hoofed them over, adding more to his total.

"Well, you could just quit now. You've only lost... 1000 bits now. Honestly I'm shocked you kept it up this long."

The lunar alicorn floated the table back into place, and magiced another 25 bits on the table. "Again. And reexplain the rules, maybe we missed something."

"Fine, fine. Twenty-five bits on the table. We take turns, and on each turn we can pick up one, two, or three bits. Whoever picks up the last bit loses," Nick explained. "I win, I get your 25 bits. You win, I give you 100 bits. Simple. Now, you go first."

Luna huffed indignantly and swiped two bits off the table. She had tried every combination, but it just wasn't working. Three, then two, then three again? A series of ones? Nothing but threes? Failures, every one of them, and while the royal treasury would not even notice the thousand bits she had lost, her pride certainly did.

"You know, Luna, there is a trick to this. If you really want to, I could tell you."

"We refuse to be mocked in such a manner. We will find the secret on our own power, or die trying."

"Isn't that a tad extreme?"

"No."

Nick shrugged. He'd been running this little carnival game for Luna for over an hour now, with 40 wins in a row under his belt. Frankly, it was sad to watch. Sighing, he stood up. "That's enough for now, Luna. I need to get to bed. Sweet dreams."

"Oh, we will ensure thou has sweet dreams, Nicholas. We would never deny that to a friend."

Nick dreamed of a nice, calm ocean that night. He floated on a small raft, lounging back and enjoying the peaceful sounds. The seagulls flying overhead. The waves lapping at the sides of the raft. Luna setting up a table. Wait, what?!

"Luna? What are you doing in my dream? I thought you had to go look for nightmares!" Nick scrambled to his feet, eyeing his friend suspiciously.

"Normally we would be, but we have buisness to attend to! Come, let us play another round. I think I will win this time for sure!"

"Ugh, maybe I'll just let you win."

"Do that and we will toss thee in the water and break this raft. Thou can still experience terror in a dream, even if 'tis just an illusion."

"Changed my mind! Let's get started."

The next morning, Nick woke up with a large pile of bits at the foot of his bed, and a note reading "Thou art the absolute worst. But we will find the solution by taking this game to Twilight and challenging her! Surely with our experience against you, she will lose. -Luna".

"Oh boy... if anyone, er, anypony can figure out the trick, it's Sparky. I just hope Luna doesn't get too upset when..."

"How in the #$@%#$!?"

"...nevermind, I can hear her from here. Guess Sparky figured it out fast." He paused for a second. "Wait, if Sparky figured it out, she'd tell Luna. Crud. I'm dead, aren't I?"

There was a deep blue flash of teleportation behind him. "It would be wise for thou to start running, yes."

"I'll just... go jump in the moat myself, save you the trouble of tossing me in there."

"Good. Thy punishment would have been more severe, but now that we know thy secret we can finally one-up our dear sister at a game! We are so excited."

"Well, have fun. If you use the trick right..." she whispered it into his ear. "Yup. If you do that, you'll win every time, guaranteed. Have fun pranking Celly."

And with that, Nick changed into his bathing suit and went swimming in the moat.

"Ah, what nice water temperature today. I could stay here a while."

"How even?! We did everything right!
NICHOLAS!"

"Or not. I better start running!"

Author's Note

Of course Celestia would manage to trick her way out of a no-win scenario. Such a troll. :trollestia:

For those curious, the trick to winning is to always go second, and take the same number of coins your opponent does each turn until you can leave one coin left. Just don't go swindling anypony, alright? I'm trusting you all.

The subtle things

Celestia woke up, raised the sun, and put on her royal finery, as she did every day. She had a court to run, papers to sign, meetings to attend, and of course, cake to eat. So, she trotted out of her room with a smile on har face, greeted her guards, and went on her merry way.

It took all of three steps for her to run facefirst into the spiderweb. This resulted in her shaking her head, staggering backwards, sneezing, and falling flat on her rump in front of her guards and a few maids. The former were clearly trying to suppress giggles at her antics, while the latter looked horrified that they missed a spot while cleaning. Still, she reassured them and soldiered on, knowing that the day couldn't get any worse than that start.

So, she went to day court. The proposals ranged from mundane to asinine, with little variety. Nobles bickered, she would let her decision be known, and that was that. Then she went to go get lunch, as she needed her nom noms to keep the sun moving and the kingdom running smooth. Except her cushion decided to come with her.

"Oh, really funny," she chided to nopony in particular. "When I find out which of those two did this, I'm gonna get back at them so fast..." Still, she managed to get rid of the cushion in a simple manner: set it on fire. When naught but ash remained, she ordered a replacement cushion be acquired and left. Thank goodness she was immune to flames.

So, she went and sat for lunch, which thankfully passed without incident. With some spare time before court restarted, she went to go admire the castle gardens, as the falling leaves made for a beautiful scene. The surprise activation of the sprinkler system, however, detracted from the natural beauty and also served to soak the poor princess. Now beginning to get slightly miffed, she dried off and headed back to day court. After all, things couldn't get any worse, right?

Day court resumed, and Celestia couldn't focus. The proposals for new laws came, but they were in a haze to her, and it was all because of this blasted cushion! Something was wrong with it. She couldn't tell what, but she was simply incapable of getting comfortable on it. So, as the nobles droned on about zoning laws and the economy, Princess Celestia Solaire, moved of the Sun, shifted uncomfortably in her throne while trying to focus. It wasn't working.

Court was adjourned and the first thing Celestia did was take the cushion over to the trash and rip it open to see what the issue was. She could feel her anger growing as two dozen ball bearings tumbled out of the cotton filling and into the waiting trash bin. Making a mental note to find Nick and Luna later and pay them back in kind, she went to her office to finish the day's paperwork.

Yet even the tedium of paperwork was not beyond the reach of a certain pair of pranksters. As soon as she entered the room, she checked the cushion she sat on, the walls, the doorframe, even her teacup. Nothing. Finally satisfied, she sat down, and plopped the ten-pound stack of papers onto her desk.

And then the loosened screws of the desk gave way under the sudden impact, and the entire desk collapsed, sending papers flying everywhere. Her eye twitched. It took an extra hour to sort everything, and she had to work in one of the conference rooms until her desk could be replaced, but she was still holding strong. She would not break so easily under such common pranks; they needed to think bigger of they wanted a reaction from her.

After a delightful dinner with no incidents, Celestia had an evening to herself. Asking around, she discovered that nopony had seen Nick or Luna all day, but had heard they had been working on an invisibility potion in the alchemy lab of the castle. Now knowing that she may be under their gaze, she made sure to be extra careful that evening. Knowing Twilight was visiting, she decided reading in the library would be a good idea, as both knew not to incur the wrath of the egghead. She swore she heard a sigh of defeat as she entered the library.

Finally, her day finished, and its endless string of unimaginative pranks ended, she went back to her room and lowered the sun. Smiling as she washed up, she had a thought that perhaps it wasn't over yet. So she checked the cushions on the seats and her pillow. Nothing. She checked the bed. Sturdy as ever. The faucets? No leaks or tampering. She even checked the sheets for itching powder. Nothing. Finally satisfied the there were no more pranks, she laid down in bed and rolled over to get a good night's sleep...

And fell victim to the oldest prank of all.

*frrrrt*

Whoopee Cushions are easy to hide inside mattresses, after all.

Author's Note

Today's challenge to myself was to write a chapter with no dialogue and only one of the three main characters present.

I also decided to bombard Celestia with all my ideas that were too short for a full chapter. Sorry Celly, we still love you.

The smell of pranking in the morning

The sky above Canterlot was abuzz with reporter pegasi trying to get that perfect picture of the royal sisters as they got into their sky chariot with their human friend to depart for Ponyville. Even the entierty of the royal guard's pegasi couldn't keep them out of the air. Still, that didn't deter the three friends from taking off for Pinkie's 'We haven't had a party yet this week and it's already Tuesday AND we were supposed to have a party yesterday, so we're fixing that' party.

Yes, it was printed on the invitations that way. Nick was rather curious to see how the crazy pink pony was going to fit it on a banner and cake. He was also fighting a headache from trying to figure out how the invitation arrived a month ago, despite not knowing yesterday's party would be cancelled by... well he hadn't read Twilight's letter to Celestia yet about what happened, but it was twice as long as usual so it was bound to be a treat. He decided to take everypony's advice and let Pinkie be Pinkie.

Nick adjusted his backpack as he looked back at the swarm of reporters. "I swear, those guys never give up. I'm half tempted to use the prank on them..." he muttered.

Of course, alicorn hearing was phenomenal, so both sisters heard that. "Oh, thou had a prank planned, Nicholas? Tell us now and we will let you off with a warning this once... perhaps." Luna glared at her friend. Celestia shared a rather dark look, but it seemed perfectly normal from a distance. A princess needs to keep her public image, after all.

"Well," Nick began, leaning back in his seat. "Since it's too late for you to avoid it now, I might as well tell you. You ever watch the movie Speed?"

Celestia answered the question. "You haven't told us about that one yet. Go on."

"Well, the main plot of the movie is that a bunch of folks get trapped on a bus, or I suppose a train to help you understand better, that has a bomb on it that will explode if the vehicle drops below a certain speed."

"Nicholas, did thou put a bomb on our sky chariot?!" Luna was immediately grateful for the sound barrier all chariots had, so the guards flying it didn't freak out. Celestia appeared worried, as well.

"Oh, don't get your tail twisted, Luna. I wouldn't put us in any danger this high up. And explosives aren't always as destructive as you imagine. I merely took inspiration from the movie. Tell me, are either of you aware of a certain plant known as murkweed?"

The sisters froze. Having lived on the planet for centuries, they knew full well what the accursed plant was. Murkweed was a thankfully rare plant that only grows in froggy bottom bog in the everfree forest. It produces a horrid stench similar to a skunk that has the magical tendency to stick to whoever gets near it for a week or so.

"Yeah, the look on your faces says it all. I loaded a stink bomb full of eau de murkweed underneath the seat, and rigged it so it'll go off when only one of us is left in the chariot. You two will have to figure out who's getting sprayed, and it's gonna be hilarious! But don't worry. Twilight wrote to me about some new experiment about a spell to remove bad odor, so I'm sure she will help you... after she attends the party she pinkie promised to be at, of course. Mua ha ha."

Celestia thought for a moment. "And what makes you so confident you won't be the last one in the chariot?"

He gestured to his backpack. "Duh, I brought a parachute. I'm gonna bail before we hit the ground. Easy peasy."

Celestia picked up the backpack in her magic and teleported it away. "And NOW what makes you think you won't be the last one in the chariot?"

"Er... well... I can still uh... jump out before you guys do! I still have a 2/3 chance of getting out!"

Luna responded by spreading her wings and flying off. Nick stared slack-jawed for a moment.

"Shoot, I forgot about that."

"I will ask again, Nick." Celestia powered up her horn to teleport away. "What makes you think..."

"Celestia, please..."

"That you won't be the last one in this chariot?"

"I swear I will buy you like a bajillion cakes. Don't do this to me."

"Hm... tempting."

"Really?" Nick asked, wide eyed that his desperate plea worked.

"...but any cake you buy from a bakery is no match for my chefs. So no deal." And with a flash of light, she appeared flying a few dozen feet away from the chariot alongside her sister, maniacal gring on their faces.

"Oh, fudge. I hope Twilight's stupid treatment works."

Dear ~~Princess~~ Celestia,

As you no doubt have heard, Ponyville is in a bit of a fuss right now. I have spent the last few weeks trying to perfect an odor elimination spell in order to help make my lab smell less like burnt...things... after an explosion a month ago that you really don't need to worry about, I swear.

But I digress. Nick came to me smelling horrible and explained that Murkweed was the cause, and asked for my help. Well, I did, and I discovered a few things.

Firstly, while my prototype spell works perfectly fine on most smells, it reacts differently to magically-induced scents. More specifically, it transfers the scent to the object nearest to the creature or object affected by the spell.

Second, the amount of magic required to transfer a smell is directly proportional to the size of the being or object affected. The larger the target, the more mana is required. Theoretically, if I used all may available magic at once, I could remove a scent from a hydra.

Third, my Castle of Friendship is much larger than a hydra.

As soon as the stench left Nick, it transferred to the nearest object, and unfortunately my castle counts as an object. Furthermore, as the stench is magical in nature and not chemical or biological, being spread across the entirety of the castle did not result in the smell becoming any less potent. So, the whole Castle of Friendship smells horrible.

Unfortunately there is no, as Nick would call it, 'undo button'. I did not think to create a counterspell as it did not seem necessary at the time. And transferring the smell away from the castle requires far more magic than we have available. So for the time being, we are coming to stay at Canterlot Castle. This is non-negotiable, as we are writing this from the train. We can get supplies there, after we throw Nick in the moat, as is customary for retaliation from a prank, albeit an accidental one.

Your irritated ~~faithful student~~ fellow princess,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

I had the idea and wrote this in an hour.

What happens when a prank backfires? Well, we get the plotline of an MLP episode, apparently.

Munched 4: Live Free or Munch Hard

Day court was rather boring on the average afternoon. Nobles bickered, bills passed or failed to do so, the occasional petitioner had to get kicked out, and one or two ponies brought a gift for the solar alicorn. Celestia almost wished something interesting would happen, but she knew that such a line of thinking was nothing short of saying 'Hey Discord, come and turn the whole of Canterlot upside-down!' At least Twilight was helping today, and Celestia really appreciated the company. The only thing that seemed remotely out of place was Nick and Luna pulling a cart piled high with something covered by a tarp. She figured it was for some prank later, and made a not to try and figure out what it was before it hit her. That's what spies are for, after all.

Meanwhile, the princess of the night and her human ally were setting everything up. "So, why exactly are we going through all this effort for a cake? I know it's my sister's cake, but you could just ask one of the chefs to make you one. You DO have some degree of authority around here, after all."

"It's the principle of the matter," Nick responded. "Plus, I've seen a lot of crazy things happen because of what I can only describe as the plot of a kid's show, so I've been trying to capitalize on that by playing the genre to my favor."

"When was this?"

"Last week when I was running from Celestia and somehow every door in the hallway led back to the hallway. It was straight out of a popular show called Scooby-Doo."

"Chase scenes are no less common than spontaneous musical numbers, Nicholas. You know this," Luna explained, befuddled as to where the human was going with this line of thinking.

"Well I figured I'd try playing a different genre to my favor. I'm not about to go painting a door and escaping through it, only Discord could hope to pull that off. But if there's one genre I know, it's action movies." He smiled at the fond memories of the genre's many tropes. "Anyway, this heist rides on two of the biggest rules of action movies: You're a badass if you don't look at explosions, and badasses aren't hurt by explosions."

"That explains all the dynamite. You're lucky we have quite the repair budget."

Celestia cantered down the hall towards the main kitchen. She had just finished day court, and she was hungry for a cake. Twilight was following, but the purple alicorn wasn't in the mood for as sweet a treat as cake. All that came to a halt, however, when they saw Nick casually leaning against the doorframe of the kitchens, with a platter in his hands. On that platter, covered by a glass dome enchanted to never break and keep the confection fresh, was one of Celestia's precious cakes.

"Took ya long enough, princess. Something seems to be eatin' ya, though."

Celestia saw red for a moment. "Hand it over, Nick. You've proven your point. I don't know how you got one of my cakes, and I don't care. Give it back."

"Let me think about that. Hmmmmno." And with a over-exaggerated bow, he took off running.

"After him!" Celestia and Twilight took off after their friend, hooves pounding the floor as they galloped closer. They almost had him when Nick took a running leap over a railing instead of taking the stairs, using a floral arrangement below to cushion his fall. That was when the explosions started.

Two moderately sized blasts went off on either side of the flowers the moment he impacted the ground, silhouetting Nick against a backdrop of fire. The two alicorns in pursuit had jumped after him, but were caught off-guard by the blasts and were stunned long enough for Nick to make a mad dash down the hall. As he ran with his rivals in hot pursuit, several more explosions rocked the hall, so much that the entire castle shook for a few moments. That mini-quake happened to make Blueblood spill wine all over his vest, but nopony would know that until later.

Nick kept running. Every turn and jump on his route was followed by explosions, making the whole thing really seem like something straight out of an action movie. For the grand finale, he dashed off a balcony and used a nearby banner to slide down the wall of the castle to the ground, where a small table he had set up before was there waiting for him.

As rubble collapsed around him, he had only one thing to say. "Aw yeah, I'm a badass. And to the victor go the spoils!" Taking the cake out of its casing, nick took several mouthfuls of the delicious treat before slowing down. There was something distinctly non-cakey inside the cake. he swallowed the remainder of the bite in his mouth before taking a closer look at his prize. He noticed, baked into the cake, several familiar blue flowers.

"Oh, crudbuckets."

Author's Note

Had to let him win once! But Nick also loses. Any ideas on how poison joke affects humans? I have no idea, YOU TELL ME!

Since Filli Vanilli we know the plant has the same effect EVERY time, but only on ponies so far! So I've decided to hold a little contest in the comments while I take a quick break to recharge my ideas on possible pranks. I'm willing to make Nick getting joke'd a regular thing, and its one effect on Nick is... Whatever the audience suggests! Leave a good enough idea and see it become a chapter. I'll be sure to give ya credit!

It's not too much of a hassle anyway. I write these in like an hour, stream of consciousness, no editing. So show me what you got, readers! We're outsourcing the next prank to you!

The nothing prank

"Fix it!"

"No. It's a good look on you, to be honest," Celestia chuckled.

Nick turned to Luna, clearly irritated. "Fine. Luna, fix it!"

"Nay, fair Nicholas! Thou hath bought us joy and merriment the bards and jesters of yore could only dream of! They weep in their graves knowing thou hath surpassed them all," Luna replied, before falling to the floor laughing uncontrolably.

Nick stomped his foot on the ground. "Rgh, FINE! I'll go get the maids to draw me a cure bath. ...as soon as I figure out what it did to me in the first place..." Nick angrily responded, adding a small mumble at the end. Celestia's ears perked up at that.

"You... you mean the poision joke pulled such an obvious prank on you, and... and you don't see it?" That got her to join her sister on the floor, gasping for air between guffaws.

"Argh! I'll do it myself. But mark my words, I will have my revenge!" And he stormed off in a rage, marching towards the castle spa.

It took the sisters a few minutes to calm down. As they hoof bumped in victory, Luna was the first to speak. "How long until Nicholas figures out that we are-"

She didn't get to finish her entrance, as Nick's voice pierced the castle from the spa. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE OUT OF CURE?!"

"I-it's as I said, sir Nick. We are out of poision joke bath, and we won't be getting our shipment until tonight. Eight o'clock at the earliest. I will have one of the maids alert you."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Not a problem!" As Nick made to leave the room, she added, "by the way, why are you wearing a sheet? It's not Nightmare Night yet. And I'm certain you could get a better costume from the royal tailors."

"Reasons. It's national dress like a ghost day. Something. Just please, don't ask, because I still don't know what that plant did to me!"

"It can't be that bad."

"It made Celestia lose her composure," Nick replied to the spa pony.

"Maybe keep the sheet on then."

It had been a LONG day for Nick. Both sisters had been pestering him for hours to see the handiwork of their prank again, and when their attempts at coercion and bribery failed, they turned to the one pony they knew could help.

"You can't hide forever, Nick! I will find you, and I will rip that sheet off you no matter how many ropes you tied it to yourself with, and I WILL GET MY DATA!"

So, having learned that the only human may or may not have been exposed to poision joke, Nick found himself thrust into an impromptu game of 'hide from the purple science horse'. Needless to say, Sparky was relentless and was getting closer to winning. And to top it all off, it was a mere 10 minutes until the bath would be ready. Sighing, and fearing the implications, he decided to pull out his secret Twilight distraction to buy him a few more precious seconds.

Twilight entered the room Nick was hiding in when she spotted a not on the floor. She picked it up and read it. "Sparky- you are persistent. So I will concede defeat and come quietly if you can answer the following question: If you have a ship consisting of 100 individual parts..."

As Twilight's mane frayed and signs of a full-on 'lesson zero' event was set into motion, Nick quietly slipped out of the room.

He could already hear the screams.

Still, he powered on, and burst into the spa to see the princesses standing next to a small hot tub full of a bubbling liquid. "Well, normally I'd say you look ridiculous, but given the current circumstances, I suppose it's an improvement," Celestia giggled. "The poision joke bath is ready whenever you are. Go ahead."

"Woohoo! Finally, back to normal!" Without a second thought, he ripped off his bindings and dove into the concoction. A few moments later, he surfaced. "Ahhhh... thanks for setting this up for me, girls. I know we give each other a hard time, but it's nice to know you care. Still, good move putting poision joke petals in that cake, Celly."

"Oh, those were just borage flowers. Blue, and edible to humans. I didn't actually intend for you to get away with a cake, but it worked out since you thought it was poision joke! We were just pulling your leg about everything," she replied.

"Wait, what?! So you're telling me you whipped up this poision joke cure bath for nothing?"

"Nay, dear Nicholas." Luna chuckled. "Recall the Dwagon incident a month ago? This isn't a poision joke cure. It's a poision joke bath. We are quite interested to view its effects in a more controlled environment than a crumbling, exploding courtyard."

"I hate you guys so much."

"We know."

Author's Note

The joke is on you
'cause theres no joke till next time
It's snowing on Mt. Fuji

Haikus are fun, right?

Bad luck charm

Nick soaked in the poision joke water, the two sisters holding him in their magic so he couldn't even try to escape his fate. Relenting, Nick dunked his head under the water and shook off, admitting defeat.

"Fine, you win. But if this stuff gets me hurt, you're paying the hospital bill."

Luna chuckled. "For a chance to see the poision joke prankster receive due punishment? 'Tis a risk we are willing to take."

Celestia grinned. "Yes, and just to be doubly sure you don't sneak out of this, we had all of our poision joke antidote except one dose shipped to ponyville, so you will have to take the train in the morning. The one dose is of course, in case of an adverse reaction, and will only be used if such an event occurs. It's under more security than my cakes tongiht."

Nick slumped down in the raised hot tub, eye level with the royal sisters. "Rgh, fine... shouldn't it have kicked in by now? I'm all wrinkly from sitting in here too long."

Celestia pondered her answer. "It is strange... we put enough in there it should have had a near-instantaneous effect." As soon as she finished those words, the side of the hot tub collapsed, sending poision joke water everywhere and drenching those present. True to her word, it took effect immediately, the most notable change being the then-setting sun turning a lime green and the rising moon shifting to a blue hue. Other staff members around the castle spa began experiencing various effects as well, and Nick was left shivering from the sudden exposure to colder air. In the ensuing chaos of ponies freaking out, several clean towels landed on him, as well as a few bits.

"Wow, lucky me! Wait..." he mused. "Did the poision joke make me super lucky? That or it took everyone else's luck. Either way, I can't let this go to waste!"

Meanwhile, Celestia and Luna were arguing. "My moon is set to be up the rest of the night, so I should get the cure!"

Celestia responded to her sister, irritated. "And a green sun is how everypony wants to wake up tomorrow. Plus, I know the combination to the lock, you don't."

Nick decided to test his newfound luck a bit. "Is it 37-52-04?" He figured he had the right answer when Celestia's jaw dropped to the floor, ber eyes wide with shock, then anger.

"You stole it, didn't you?!"

He shrugged. "Nah, just a lucky guess. Although with your bad luck from getting doused in joke juice, I wish you two the best of luck in finding it!" And with that, he jumped out the window and landed in a soft bed of flowers below.

It had been an eventful night, for all parties involved. Nick had used his newfound ability to literally take the luck out of situations, putting most of the castle staff in the crossfire of his biggest pranking spree yet, even if it was accidental. The sisters, on the other hand, had personally flown to ponyville to retrieve the spare cures. The only issue was that there wouldn't be enough cure for the entire spa staff for another month, so time off and compensation would likely be in order. Still, there was one person who they needed to get cured as soon as possible, lest the elements of harmony decide Nick had become an accidental villain.

Racing back to Canterlot castle at top speed (and hitting several cloudbanks on the way), the sisters were greeted with a massive crater and a pile of bits ten feet tall where the courtyard used to be. And atop it all sat Nick, curled up in a ball and waiting for their return.

"Celestia! Luna! Be careful, this joke stuff was WAY too strong! I didn't mean to do... all this, I just wanted to prank the two of you for a while! Please, just give me the antidote so we can end this!"

Celestia and Luna managed to lift Nick in their magic for only a few moments before an errant flock of birds flew by, distracting them enough to break their hold, dropping Nick unharmed into the hedge maze, which proceeded to be ripped apart by a strong wind so Nick could simply walk out. Subsequent attempts yielded similar results, and with each failure the damage to the castle grounds only grew.

It took Twilight, who was leaving for Ponyville the next morning, to come up with the proper solution. Mixing all the antidote to create the cure bath in the one place Nick's luck always led him, the few was simply one thing left to do. Approaching their friend with their guard dropped, they gave their order.

"Nicholas Abernathy, this prank is over. We demand you enact your traditional punishment, the cure waits there."

His eyes widened, then he solemnly nodded. "Heh, figured I'd need to do it myself one of these days. Hey, no more poision joke after this, ok? I don't think the treasury can take it! But enough talk... CANNONBALL!"

And with that, Nick jumped into the cure-filled moat of his own volition, and the madness ended. From then on, Nick and the sisters regarded that night as 'The prank that went way too far.'

Author's Note

Sometimes, being too lucky is pretty unlucky...

See you all next chapter!

Good night. Sleep? Yeah right...

The calm light of the moon illuminated the dark hallways of Canterlot Castle. For most of the the ponies, this meant the end of a successful, productive day. Only the night staff and guards remained, giving the whole palace a unique, mystical feel that only the night can truly provide.

Yet a certain someone was not happy. Laying in bed and staring at the ceiling, Nick groaned. "Ugh, I should not have had all that coffee earlier to help Celly with decoration ideas for Nightmare night. I'm gonna throw my whole schedule out of whack... thank goodness I dont need a real job here. If only I had some music, maybe I could sleep. Wait a minute, music..." a grin crept across his tired face. It might take all his energy to even get out of bed, and halfway to dreamland wasn't the best time for it, but there was pranking to do!

And so, the human set off into the bowels of the castle storerooms to find what he needed. It took about an hour of digging through old artifacts and documents to find the prize he desired. "Ah, here we are! I wonder, which of these is going to be the most useful here..." then he looked to his left, and his eyes widened. "Hello, what have we here..."

What a day! Celestia sighed into her bedsheets as she felt her stress leave her tired body. After putting up with nobles all week, it was finally friday night, so she could get some shut-eye. She curled up with her teddy bear and closed her eyes, a soft smile on her face as she drifted off to dreamland...

Suddenly, a massive blast of noise shook her out of her relaxation, shaking the room slightly as the unknown sound reverberated through the room. It was so startling and loud that Celestia nearly had a conniption thinking the kingdom was under attack again.

Celestia nearly fell flat on her face as she scrambled out of bed in a panic. Getting to her hooves over the cacophony of noise, she rushed forward and forced the balcony doors open, knocking a vase backwards from the force of the swinging frames.

The garden below was a mess. Much to her confusion (and likely to the upset of the ponies that cared for the gardens), the entire garden was covered in rainbow, glow-in-the-dark silly string, and it was EVERYWHERE. In the trees, under water in the fountain, even over the castle walls.

"What in tartarus is going on here?!" She exclaimed.

Looking down below, she found the reason her night had become so disturbed: One very familiar, irritating human with the one she thought she had buried so deep in the castle it would never be seen again: The 'quadruple-barreled, chaos causing turbo-tuba', as Discord had named it during his first reign of chaos.

Nick, however, seemed just as confused as she was. "Whoa! What the heck, this thing shoots silly string? I just thought it was a marching band tuba with two sound projectors instead of one! Oh boy, this is gonna be fun. Time for a concert! And a one, and a two, and a-" Nick took a deep breath and blew into the mouthpiece again, the four bells (where the sound comes out) began to rotate and spew silly string again as very bad, off-key tuba music played out of them. More and more silly string coated the garden as Nick paraded around, clearly pleased with himself.

Celestia flew down, ignoring the silly string getting caught in her fur and mane. "Nick! What are you doing? That is an artifact from the chaos wars, it is- in good grief, you can't hear me! NICK!" She didn't like having to pull out the royal canterlot voice, but she had to in order to catch his attention.

"Huh? Oh, hey Celestia! Look what I found! This thing is so cool! Look at how much fun it is to spray glowing silly string everywhere, the garden looks like a light show!"

"Nick..." Celestia brushed her now glowing mane out of her face. "That was created by Discord in order to... uh... well, mainly cause chaos and annoy Luna and I. Please stop, before you end up ruining the garden more than you have!"

Nick shrugged. "Oh, lighten up Celly. What's the worst that could happen?" As soon as the words left his mouth, the bells began to rotate, blasting horrible music and shooting glowing silly string straight into the sky in massive quantities, easily covering the entire castle before the 'song' ending triggered a final explosion of glitter glue to soak the entire garden, its occupants included, in neon plaid glitter.

"You had to say the trigger phrase, didn't you, Nick."

"Oh. Uh... oops. Hey, how is the glitter plaid? That shouldn't be possible."

"Discord."

"Fair enough. Guess a quick dip in the moat is in order... need to clean off anyway. I think I'm ready for bed now."

Celestia breathed a sigh or relief. "Thank goodness. I was hoping this would end fast. Why even use this, anyway?" She inquired, lifting the instrument in her magic.

"If I can't sleep, noone else can either."

As the pair carried the tuba back to the storage vaults, they passed through the throne room, recently cleaned by the staff in preparation for the upcoming Grand Galloping Gala. Nick smiled. "Hey, Celly?"

"What is it, Nick?"

"What's the worst that could happen?"

As the tuba started up again, primed to ruin the throne room, Nick dashed off, cackling maniacally. That night, a single, infuriated scream woke up all of Canterlot to join the human in his insomnia.

"NICK!!!!!"

Author's Note

I need sleep

This is what happens when I don't get any

The Theseus Thesis

"Nicholas? Dost thou have a moment to spare?" Luna poked her head I through the door to Nick's suite of the castle. Nick put down the latest Daring Do book he was reading and nodded.

"I always have time for you and your sister, Luna. What's up? Judging by the fact it's not your off hours, I assume it's work related?"

"Yes. We are usually more than happy to help dear sister with her paperwork, but this order vexes us. Pray tell, dost thou know of any reason why twenty identical ships of interchangeable parts have been shipped to Ponyville, despite having nothing more than a pond in terms of aquatic locales?"

Nick shook his head for a moment. "Sorry, I wasn't paying full attention there. You said twenty boats got shipped to Ponyville? That is wierd. Let me see the order, maybe I can spot something out of place." Luna entered and huffed over the requested paperwork. Nick looked it over while his Lunar friend took a moment to get a drink of water and nibble on the flowers he left for her and Celestia's visits in a vase on the table. After a good ten minutes of reading and rereading the papers, Nick snapped his fingers triumphantly. "Eureka! I've got the answer!"

Luna looked up from her snapdragons with interest. "Well? Do not keep us in suspense, dear Nocholas."

He pointed to a few lines and explained. "Well, somepony shuffled the numbers around a a bit, but at its core the funds to buy those boats came directly from the royal science fund, which is used of experiments and advancements in technology. But there's only one pony in Ponyville with unfettered access to that fund..."

Luna finished his thought for him. "Twilight."

Ponyville was having a day of clear skies. The temperature was just right, not a cloud to be seen, and because it had been at least a week since the last fiasco, nopony paid any attention the twenty sailboats sitting in a hastily assembled dry dock next to castle friendship.

"Twi, why are we taking these apart and putting them back together?" Inquired Spike, the purple princess's number one assistant. "Didn't these all pass inspection?"

Twilight disconnected the mast with her magic and replaced it with antoher, not even looking at the drake. Her mane and tail were frazzled, and she was clearly close to going full 'lesson zero'. "It's not the integrity of the ships I'm checking! I have an experiment to run! This could be the the start of a great advancement in the field of logical thinking and science!"

"I think it's the start of a major headache. Twilight, what the heck are you doing?" Nick and Luna walked up to the excited purple pony, both wondering exactly how thos dry dock had been constructed so fast. Oh wait, Ponyville. Events like this are just as important to roll with as Pinkie's logic.

"Nick!" With a flap of her wings, Twilight jumped into Nick's arms for a hug, affectionately nuzzling him. "I've been working my tail off trying to figure out that problem you gave me! Sure, it distracted me from studying the effects of poision joke on humans, but this is now a major scientific study!"

Nick thought for a moment on what the pony in his arms was talking about. "Wait, are you actually trying to replicate the Ship of Theseus paradox? Why?!"

"I gotta know! Doesn't the unknown excite you?"

"And what, pray tell, is this paradox, Nicholas?" Luna asked.

Nick sighed. "It's a thought experiment. The idea is that if you have a boat made of replaceable parts, eventually you will have to replace every part. If you reassembled all the parts you replaced, the paradox lies in the question: which is your ship?"

"So I'm shuffling parts around to find out if I can solve it!" Twilight beamed.

Luna tilted her head, intruiged. "Fascinating. Is this anything like when you told her that 'This sentence is false'?"

Nick nodded, letting Twilight's mane to help calm her down. "Yup. There's never really a clear answer. It's meant to confuse the person, er, pony. I have a few other paradoxes stashed away in case I need to get away from Sparky here in a hurry."

"Don't be mean!" Twilight chided playfully, lightly hitting him with a hoof. Nick pretended not to notice. Luna allowed herself a refined giggle.

"But, it usually doesn't have to be a ship. Pretty much anything that has parts that can be replaced, the paradox applies. How much do you need to replace before it is a different thing? It could be a house, or a puzzle, or even a living being in some cases! The possibilities on how to word the question, and therefore the number of possible experiments, are...uh...endless. Uh oh..." he looked down at the excitedly quivering purple mass in his arms. "Twilight no."

"TWILIGHT YES!"

Author's Note

The ship of Theseus is a thought experiment about how many changes you can make to something before it's different. Seeing as the average human body replaces all its cells over the course of around 5 years, do you still think you are the same person/pony/other you were when the show started? Think on it and get back to me, I'm curious on your thoughts.

Double vision and then some

"Morning, Celestia. Morning, Luna."

"Good morning, Nick!" Replied the two alicorns.

Nick continued onward to the dining hall. "Uhg... they better have some strong coffee this morning. I barely feel alive... morning, Celestia. Morning, Luna."

"Good morning, Nick!" The two alicorns replied.

Nick approached the counter. "Morning Nick, what'll it be?"

"Oh. Morning, Celestia. Strong coffee. Really strong. Please..."

"Here you go, Nick. A special enchanted blend to wake you up quick." Nick took the cup and chugged it, leaving the mug on the counter and walking off to find somewhere to sit. He nodded to the ponies in line as the magic coffee woke him up.

"Morning, Celestia. Morning, Luna. Morning, other Celestia... wait, WHAT?!"

Over a dozen Celestias and Lunas scattered throughout the dining hall perked up and chimed a hello from all directions. One pair approached him. "Greetings, Nicholas! We have decided to play a game with thee. So we have more than doubled the fun, we have...er... multiplied it by twelve! And it is thy goal to figure out who is the real one. But don't bother trying to smudge any makeup, for we have called in our changeling allies for this trick!"

Nick facepalmed. "Ugh. It's too early for this. I'm going back to bed."

"A thousand bits if you guess right, Nick," one of the Celestias chimed in.

"Suddenly it's not so early! And if I guess wrong?"

"Then it will fall to you to convince Blueblood to not raise taxes on the poor for the third time this month. He never gets his way, but he makes far too many attempts." Nick grimaced, but nodded. It seemed like a fair deal. 'Celestia' continued with her explanation. "You may request one thing from each of us to determine who the fakes are. Either have us perform an action, or ask us a question you feel only the real Celestia or Luna would know. If you leave the room, you forfeit, but you can take as long as you want to choose. You may even wait until you have investigated all of us."

"Deal." Nick first approached the Celestia closest to him. "Alright Celly, what's your biggest fear?"

"Losing my sister again. Nightmare moon was more than enough."

"Hmph. Fair enough. 'Luna', hug me. I think I'd know the difference."

"Of course, Nicholas." She enveloped him in a loving hug, which Nick returned. He couldn't tell the difference.

"Dang. Either you're real or changelings are that good. Fine. Next!"

After several failed questionings, Nick was down to his last chance: one Luna. He had already had all the Celeatias answer questions or perform minor tasks, and he had to admit they performed flawlessly. Staring down the final Luna, he unleashed his final question. "Alright Luna. I've got one question for you that will for sure reveal the real Luna. Get ready."

"We are prepared for anything thou has to throw at us, Nicholas. Have at thee!"

"Alright then. Did you know I never legally changed your name back?"

Luna tilted her head to the side. "We...we are afraid we do not follow thy line of reasoning, Nicholas. Elaborate, please."

Nick grinned sadistically. "Alright. Since I never changed it back, your name is still, and I quote, 'Princess Zibble-Wibble, Oops! In my Kibble, Walla-Walla-Walla-Walla, the Third!'"

An awkward silence filled the room for a moment. Then everypony in the room began laughing hysterically, all the princess copies included. Only one was differemt: a single guardsmare standing guard at the door bore a sudden expression of shock and fury. Her scream shook the castle. "YOU DID WHAT?!"

Nick spun on his heels and pointed his finger at the guard. "J'accuse, Princess Luna! And you should know better than to fall for a lie like that."

"Wait... what?" As the implications hit her, Luna dropped her disguise, her face cherry red in embarrassment. "Oh..." That got another round of laughs, and she teleported out in shame.

"Oof. Looks like she wasn't too happy about that. At least I found her. Hey Celestia, you aren't hiding as a ficus or something, are you?"

Illusions were dropped until only the true solar princess remained. "No, I am right here. I do believe I am going to have to speak with Luna about cheating. So, how about we revise the rules a bit. Leave the room for an hour while I talk with Luna, then come back and I'll set up for you to try and find me. Okay?"

An hour later, twelve Celestias lined up in the dining hall. "You may come in now, Nick. But you will lose," one announced.

The doors opened, and Nick walked in, pushing a magnificent cake, from the local bakery that Celestia loved. Surprisingly, every Celestia but one recoiled from it. "Found ya. I win."

"How?"

"Laced the cake with some bottled rage. Changelings hate it, remeber?"

"Well played, Nick. I suppose I owe you some bits, then."

"Nah, your reaction should be worth more than enough."

"My reaction to what?"

"Oops." With a kick, Nick sent the pristine, triple decker cake and its rolling cart on a path straight to the stairs. "Clumsy me."

"MY CAKE!"

Author's Note

The fun has been...uh... duodecupled!

It's a word, you can look it up.

Want fries with that?

Twilight was visiting the castle! So everypony was in a cheery mood. Celestia and Luna were entertaining her but needed to be called away for an important meeting. So, the purple alicorn princess was left alone in the sitting room for a moment. That was, until Nick entered, carrying a clipboard.

"Hey Sparky! How are you doing? Celly and Luna seemed happy to see you."

Twilight smiled. "Of course they were! But they had to go hash out some new exceptions in land laws. How are you?"

Nick smiled. "I am fine. So, all alone, huh? Well, I suppose I can help you out a bit. I was going to go get some food from the kitchens. Do you want anything?" He asked, raising his notepad for emphasis. "Some pancakes, perhaps?"

"No thanks, it's too late for pancakes. How about a hayburger? Medium rare, with lettuce, tomatoes, and... daisies, please."