Sol 289 - ENCRYPTED

Deep breaths.

Calming thoughts.

Alright, I’m about ready to call this meditation stuff complete BS. Sure, you can say that I only tried it for a grand total of 10 seconds, but my heart is still pounding, my stomach is filled with butterflies and I am continually switching between wanting to puke or laughing maniacally.

It feels like the morning of high school prom night all over again... Although, if I’m being honest - I stayed home and played D&D with friends on prom night (For the record, way more fun than awkward dancing and vapid dress-based pageantry would have been). Nope, trans-dimensional lady-killer Mark Watney didn’t punch his V-Card until university… and despite any vile rumors you may have heard about Chicagoans, my horse-sex passport is totally unstamped. That may change today.

But… so I’m clear, that’s not how I actually feel about this. Maybe there was a brief period at the very beginning of my close encounter where I saw them as ‘animalian’, but I see each and every one of my team members as people now. I will admit that there was an interim period where I saw them as alien-people… but as time has gone on… they’re so similar to us that I don’t have much trouble seeing right past their appearance.

I mean sure, they’re weird-cutesy magical horses/dragons… but aside from that, they’re pretty much human in sociability, emotion, morality, and demeanor. Hell, I’ve met humans who are less human than these guys (yes, I’m talking about you, weird uncle Bob). So, over the last 24 hours, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can feel attracted to these people. I’m not sure if that is a positive or a negative for humans’ ability to overcome our evolutionary hard-wiring? I’m also only a sample of one - I could be the only human in our universe that finds pastel-pink unicorns sexy.

Wow, I really just typed that, huh?

Sue me, I like pink… and she’s got a nice ass.

She dropped by my bunk late last night too, when everyone was asleep. Everyone except me, that is… I was still way too wired to drift off. It was touchingly cute, actually.

She woke me up with a little shake, telling me she was sorry, but she wanted to talk. In typical pony-fashion, she went on to apologize for how weird things had been this evening.

Sitting next to her through three entire episodes of Wonder Woman (damn you Lynda Carter and your perkiness!) with a rather pesky bug constantly nudging me into Starlight’s side was not helpful. Every time Starlight or I shifted to get more comfortable we would end up bumping thigh against haunch and trying not to meet each other’s eyes. That damn love-mosquito was enjoying things altogether WAY too much. The worst moment came when I’d had enough of how goofily constrained the two of us were being: both of us were being so uptight with our hands/hooves carefully placed to avoid any proximity, that I decided to stretch my arm out behind Starlight to get more comfortable and relax… at about the same time she did. We both babbled more sophomoric apologies and awkward chuckles that Spitfire had to shush us. The only sound after that was a low, smug buzz from the changeling at my left.

Anyway, apparently Starlight didn’t want to leave things so tense, and after she woke me up she asked if she could talk a little bit. She was brave, I have to give her that. I’m sure anyone reading this knows that I’m not exactly the easiest guy to open up to (I tend to defuse tense situations with humor, which some have told me can be annoying), but she did just that. After prepping herself, she basically said she was sorry that this was happening, and that the two of us didn’t really have a choice. Then she put a hoof over my hand and said:

“I’m not unhappy that it’s you, though.”

I remember exactly how she said it. Softly and full of feeling, with a hopeful little smile. I’m not a romantic, but my heart sure did a flip or two. She went on to say that she really liked me, and even though this might make things weird, that she wanted me to know that I was an important friend to her, which made the situation more special.

Knowing how much these ponies value ‘friendship’, I’m guessing that was a pretty big deal.

I said some kinda hodgepodge back at her, some terrible mix of bad humor trying to defuse the tension while also reassuring her that I liked her a lot too, and that I’d be careful and yadda yadda yadda. They didn’t cover this in training - you really should get on that Venk.

Anyway, Starlight shut me up with a smile and a wink to go to bed, whispering that “I’d need to be well rested.” I’m not sure if that’s hot or terrifying. Maybe both.

The whole late-night scene was so cute… and getting me almost looking forward to the next day, that I’m a bit suspicious. I don’t mean to be a cynic regarding Starlight’s cross-species romantic maturity, and I know that Dragonfly has only done her shapeshifting in the direst of circumstances… nah…

In any case, I see that Starlight is stepping out of the decontamination shower now, which means it’s my turn now. I think we’ve realized by unspoken agreement that we should make sure to take a good scrub-down before our EVA today. Funny enough, I noticed Dragonfly doing the same thing before Starlight… Which makes me a bit nervous.

“I’m not sure I understand why Starlight needs to go...” Cherry Berry asked lightly, as she looked over at Dragonfly, Starlight and Mark, suiting up as they prepared to go into the airlock. “I mean, she’s going to be completely immobile in that human EVA suit: wouldn’t it be better for her to stay behind with the rest of us until her suit finishes curing? I don’t like the idea of an EVA going out with a third of its people totally immobile.”

Starlight and Mark froze while trying to fit the ridiculously oversized suit around Starlight. At this point, it was more like a large pressure-contained bag than a suit. Dragonfly, being the rather skilled ex-infiltrator, didn’t miss a beat in responding convincingly to her commander.

“My fault, boss-mare.” Dragonfly awkwardly rubbed the back of her head. “I wasn’t thinking things through when I started patching everyone’s suits yesterday, or else I’d have Fireball come along to help carry Starlight - poor Mark is going bear the brunt of all those extra alfalfa portions she’s been scarfing down.” Dragonfly looked over at the still frozen unicorn with a sad shake of her head. “It goes right to her flanks.”

“Hey!” Starlight blurted. “That’s not-”

Cherry waved Starlight’s reply off at the pass, not easily distracted by the familiar antics of her changeling colleague. “I’m serious Dragonfly.” Cherry stepped closer toward the subject of her scrutiny, her proximity clearly conveying her seriousness… and willingness to listen. “I need to know if you’re so critically low on magic that you have to get out to the cave with Starlight now. Are you sure this can’t wait until we can all go out, together?” Cherry’s eyes searched Dragonfly’s face for any cues or tells.

The changeling sighed and shrugged. “Ya got us, boss-mare. I don’t really need to go out there… you’ve actually just interrupted my secret orgy club, Mark and Starlight are the founding members… but you’re welcome to join.”

Mark coughed, hiding his shocked amusement, while one hand reached down to steady Starlight, who was shaking with the desire to begin babbling and blurting a denial.

“Not funny Dragonfly.” Cherry deadpanned, not buying the cheerful Changeling’s admission, as her face began to turn a bright red. “You shouldn’t joke about… th-that!” She turned away from the trio, now more eager to put distance between herself and Mark. “I just didn’t… I don’t want you keeping secrets about how much trouble you’re in anymore, understand?”

Dragonfly nodded seriously and saluted. “Boss-mare, keeping a regular trip like this on the schedule will put me in the clear. Honest.”

Cherry looked over her shoulder with a nod. “Good. Make sure to report in once you’ve arrived.” She began to trot back to the bunk area leaving the three soon-to-be-EVAers alone near the airlock.

“See… told you the truth is the best infiltration tactic in my repertoire.” Dragonfly smugly smiled at Starlight.

Mark look with an arched eyebrow and crossed arms down at the almost exhausted unicorn, who was still staring slack-jawed at Dragonfly, trying slowly to get control of her mouth and form words.

“What did you mean, keeping a regular trip?”

Twenty minutes later, three passengers bounced along in the cabin of the first rover, as it made its way over the well-worn path between the Hab and the cave farm, creating a highway of tracks between those two points. Leaving the airlock and loading Starlight into the Rover was done in relative silence. Mark had held the saggy mess of ill-fitted EVA suit that was Starlight close to his body, the easiest way to carrying such an awkward and heavy weight, while also allowing the unicorn to wrap her arms clumsily around his shoulders to keep herself somewhat balanced. The physical proximity, the weight of living, breathing pony in his arms, the small movements as Starlight shifted and breathed… all made things a little too embarrassing for Mark to say anything.

That pall continued to hang like a cloud over the trio, even after everyone had found their seats and made themselves comfortable through the rover’s startup sequence.

It was getting almost unbearable.

“Soooo….” Mark offered, keeping his eyes glued to the road ahead, though he could complete this drive blindfolded.

“So.” Starlight responded, busying herself by looking at one of the rover’s display LCDs, though the heading indicator vector would not change in this trip, nor had it in the previous hundred trips out to the cave-farm.

Then everything went silent again. For a full minute.

Mark looked over his shoulder at Dragonfly. “Please, for the love of your bug-religion’s God, say something.”

“Why?” Dragonfly smiled, “You two are delicious.”

“Dragonfly!” Starlight shouted, breaking out of her shell and twisting around. “Haven’t you ever heard that you shouldn’t play with your food? You’re doing this on purpose!” Starlight’s frown was serious and unflinching. Bitter almond touches of emotional flavor began to trickle into Dragonfly’s palette.

“Fine, fine. I’ll break the silence.” Dragonfly conceded, eliciting sighs of relief from both Mark and Starlight. Starlight finished her long sigh by taking a draw of water from a nearby squeeze bottle, which had been supplied for her since she wouldn’t have the usual suit-source available to her.

“So... Starlight,” Dragonfly began, timing her words precisely, “How do you feel about anal sex?”

Starlight did a literal spit take, thankfully missing the rover display panels (though they were IP68-rated). The rover swerved slightly to the left as Mark jerked the rover in response to the question.

“Wh-what!?” Starlight coughed out.

“So, I guess that’s a no?” Dragonfly hummed, “No big deal, but it is better to be upfront about this stuff, or else it could lead to some nasty surprises.”

“CELESTIA DAMN IT, Dragonfly!” Starlight shouted, slamming the squeeze water bottle back into its holder and spinning around to scream at the mischievous bug. Just before she could commence a tirade of the most epic proportions, she heard a chuckling laugh fill the cabin, coming from her left.

Mark was laughing.

“Just what’s so funny, huh?” Starlight growled.

Mark tried to shut his mouth and contain his laughter, swallowing back a hearty laugh while managing to squeak out a tiny. “Nothing.” Unfortunately for Mark, Starlight continued to glare at him, watching the human’s cheeks puffing out further and further as tears began to form in his eyes.

“Butt-sex.” Dragonfly chirped from the rear of the Rover.

“BWAHAHahahaha!” Mark Watney laughed obstreperously, the containment of his mirth only making it arrive with more force and fill the cabin.

“HA HA. SO FUNNY.” Starlight grumbled, angry at being the only person in the cabin who was serious. “You know what? Yeah, I AM into… that.” Starlight snarled, over the buzzing laughter of Dragonfly and the hearty chortles of Mark. “But not like how you think.”

“Oh?”

“When we get to the cave, Mark, you’ll need to bend over and then I can shove my horn right up you-”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Mark wasn’t laughing now. “I don’t know if I can… uh… is that even a thing you guys do?” He asked, concern on his face as he realized that he’d never really discussed Equestrian mating habits.

Dragonfly leaned forward, winking quickly at Glimmer without Mark noticing. “Oh yeah! It’s a big part of unicorn sex, I had to learn all about it in infiltration school. Some might say the old butt-horning is overly-traditional, sure… but I’m sure Starlight wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Starlight nodded. “I’m a traditional kind of mare.” She touched her horn with her hoof… a horn which was looking longer and bigger by the second to Mark.

“I… but… I mean… there’s no way THAT is gonna fit.” Mark stammered, beads of sweat starting to appear on his forehead.

“So what!?” Starlight half-shouted, “You think THAT thing would fit in my tailhole!?” Starlight gestured towards Mark’s lap.

“I wasn’t saying tha-” Mark began only to be immediately cut off by Dragonfly.

“I can assure you, Starlight, that many a stallion has managed to fit in many a mare’s backside.” The changeling let her eye’s waggle in Starlight’s direction.

“Not many a stallion is as BIG as a human like Mark there…” Starlight motioned with her head jerkily toward Mark.

“Well, you don’t know that - Mark doesn’t seem THAT big when he’s coming out of the shower.” The changeling replied with a snort.

“Hey, I’m a grower, not a shower.” Mark piped in, trying to divide his attention between the drive and the conversation.

“Trust me, he’s THAT big.”

“Wait… what? You’ve seen him already? Did I miss something?”

“No, I didn’t see anything… I… uh… felt it.”

“What!?”

“I told you about this! It was… what’s the term… morning wood” Starlight paused their staccato back and forth to quickly switch into Equestrian. “I felt it through his shorts.”

“Oh, and why exactly were you feeling his shorts?”

“I wasn’t! I was sleeping on him.”

“Oh!?”

“Ladies ladies LADIES!” Mark interjected, no longer able to contain himself. “I have a very important question…”

Dragonfly and Starlight paused and looked over at the serious, stern-faced human.

“...does this mean you guys were kidding about the whole horn-butt thing or…?”

A pregnant pause hung in the air of the cabin. Only the hum of the brakes energy reclamation system charging the batteries as the rover slowed on its final approach to the cave-farm parking area.

Then all three creatures started laughing uncontrollably.

Author's Note

What do you think: was it Dragonfly who visited Mark the night before, or was it actually Glimmer? Even I’m not sure.

Also: What other jokes do you think that Mark might have started to spring on poor Starlight once he was no longer constrained by the veneer of embarrassment? I think we all know that Mark Watney unconstrained has almost no shame, so I’d love to hear from the community some of the teasing/ribbing that he would have laid onto Dragonfly/Starlight given the circumstances.

Tell me below in comments!

So, this is chapter 3 of the story, and we are fast approaching (if not having already arrived at) the sex scenes that I’m sure at least some of you are waiting for. It has been quite a bit of fun playing with the style and story setting thus far, but it will shortly be time to… get to business, as it were!

I’d be happy to know what the feel of the crowd is on the inevitable scene soon to occur as well: should it be my usual style, with lots of passion and raw sexual lust and wantonness?

Or perhaps more of an embarrassed tumble in the Martian mud, as would befit how I’ve portrayed Mark and Starlight to this point?

Something in between the two, perhaps?

I gave myself plenty of license by teasing Dragonfly’s ability to produce (literally) an anti-inhibition compound. Heck, I could even have Dragonfly join in and truly make this spectacle, well… spectacular. I’m not saying that I’ll do exactly what the community wants, but I’d love to know the general feel, as interacting with you all has been the most fun part of this project!

Anyway, we’re almost there!