Equestria Noire Case #1: The Royal Guard Case

Equestria Noire Case #1: The Royal Guard Case

Chapter 1- A Cold Night

It's funny isn't it? New Colt City. It's a place with many nicknames. One of them being "The city so nice, they named it twice." Well, the "nice" part is pretty fuckin exaggerated if you ask me. Cause this place can be a total bitch to live in sometimes. You got ponies who never appreciate the hard work you put in, you got crazy ponies who try to justify other ponies' actions, and the weather can be as cold as hell on some nights. Just like this one.

I'm Detective Shadow Haze. I'm a private detective to be exact. Meaning, I work alone on the cases that I'm given by ponies. I run my little "agency", if you would call it that, in my apartment. Which, by the way, is now a major shithole if you ask me. I'm talking dust everywhere, wrappers and bills all over the floor, and stains on my carpet I never bothered to clean out.

It was pretty nice when I first moved in, but when you don't get a lot of cases like I have these past few months, you don't really have time to clean, because the bill collectors constantly have their hooves up my ass for the rent. Not to mention, because of the lack of big time cases, there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna afford a cleaning lady if I can't support myself.

Yeah, the cases I get today are pretty much small time stuff. Robberies, Theft, and Arson. The only one that could've been big was this one time when I got put on a case to find some lost filly that was reported by her very distraught mother, and it turned out she wandered off to the candy store. Yeah, it ended up being just a big waste of time. Not to mention the payday was underwhelming as hell.

So, yeah, I'm pretty much fucked on this situation. I can't pay the rent, can't get my place cleaned, can't get a good case, and, on a personal level, I can't afford a birthday present for my little nephew. Yeah, his birthday is coming up pretty soon. His name is Comet Chaser. He's gonna be 10 years old soon. My big sister, Melody Rays, tells me it's no big deal, but I want to get my nephew something actually nice. Not some dumb gift card or a couple bits like I've done for the past few years.

So, I'm just sitting here at my desk, which pretty much is just smack-dab in the middle of my room, with two chairs, one for me, and the other for a potential client. I'm looking through my bills, wondering how the hell I'm gonna pay these bills, when all of a sudden I hear a knock at my door.

Oh, Celestia. I hope it isn't the bill collectors again. They were just here this morning.

"Who's there?" I said.

"It's me Shadow." The voice said behind my door. I knew exactly who it was. I know I'm a little busy, but I can't just ignore her and tell her to go away. That's not her style. She'd stay there all night if it meant she needed to speak to me.

"Come on in." I told her. And she did just that. Somepony I know very well. She's a unicorn about a year younger than me. She's got a white coat with a long flowing blonde mane. She has a police badge cutie mark, meaning she's a cop. And a damn good one.

This was my, let's say friend, Angel Blossom. I've known her for a long time now. Before I left the force, she and I worked together on a couple cases together. Even though I was with a different partner during most of my cases, as was her, we did work together a few times.

Her and I have, somewhat, of a complicated relationship. Sometimes we get along, and it's really great when we're together, other times, we are at each other's throats worse than anypony. I guess I'll admit that me and her, off and on, have been romantically linked. When I left the force, she did check up on me from time to time. Don't know why, but she did. And, over time, we ended up hooking up. We knew my old boss Silvershine, who was pissed at me for leaving the force, would bitch at her if he found out. So we decided to keep it a secret.

However, with both of our attitudes differing with each other, we broke it off many times. Then, we'd get back together, and we'd break it off again. It gets confusing, but I will say, if there's one pony I'd trust with my life whenever I'm on a case, it will be her. Wonder what she wants.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her. To be honest, I really didn't want to see her right now. We're broken off again, and I've got work to do. I really hope she didn't come here just to bug me.

When she sat down in the chair, some dust flew out of the seat, causing her to cough a little bit. Not gonna lie, I kinda snickered a little when I saw this.

"Jeez, Shadow. Would it kill ya to clean this place up a little bit? This place looks like shit." She said with that annoyed look I've come to know, and at times love.

"Well, when I can afford to get a cleaning lady, I'll let you know. In the mean time, I can barely afford to feed myself with how slow the crime rate is." I said to her with an "oomph" in my back talk. "Besides, I've got more important things to worry about." I told her, going back to my bills.

"And what would that be?" She said.

Now I was getting annoyed by her. To be fair, it ain't the first time it's happened.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe paying my bills on time, which I can't because most cases I get suck now. Maybe, the fact that I can't pay for shit. Maybe, and this is the big one, it's the fact that I can't afford to get my little nephew a decent fucking birthday present. That's what I have to worry about Angel." I said to her very coldly. Maybe I was harsh, but when your stressed out as I am right now, you just say things.

"You mean Comet Chaser right?" She asked me.

"No shit." I said, again, very coldly. I'm getting kinda tired of her already. See what I mean when I say, on again/off again. Sometimes we love each other, sometimes we can't stand each other.

She looked very cross at me. "You don't have to be such an ass about it, you know. I didn't come here to be insulted by you." She said with her hooves folded, and her legs crossed.

"Then what DID you come here for?" I asked still looking through my bills.

"I'm here to give you a case." She said to me with a scrunched up angry look on her face. I knew that look meant she was serious. She used that face on me all the time when she was angry at me during the times we were together.

She has a case? For me? Nah, there's gotta be more to it than that.

"Why are you giving me a case? You know Shithead is gonna bitch and complain to you that your helping somepony on the outside, right? Why are you risking that for me?" I asked. I actually wanted to know why?

"Because I heard about the situation your in with the bills, and I want to help. Cause that's what friends do. Cause I care about you, okay?" She said to me, not sounding very happy about me mouthing off to her earlier.

"So, I'm sorry if I sounded nosy earlier. I just want you to know I care about you a lot. So, you don't need to be mouthing off to me like you just did, alright?" She said, now sounding a little emotional. Like she was about to let out a couple tears.

Ah, great. My weakness with her. Yeah, she gets on my nerves sometimes, but I just can't bare to see her cry. I don't know why, but whenever she cries, I just want to hold her 'till the hurt is gone.

I also don't get why she cares about me. With our relationship being as confusing and complicated as it is, I don't get why she hasn't just up and left me. Whenever I'm in a bad situation, like I am now, she's always there to help. And how do I repay her? By talking shit to her. I can be a major fucking asshole sometimes.

With that, I got out of my chair, which let out some dust, and went up to her and hugged her. She was surprised, but she gave in and hugged back.

I looked at her beautiful blue eyes and said, "I'm sorry, okay? I'm just really stressed about this bullshit with the bills. I didn't mean to take it out on you. Alright?"

She smiled, with a couple tears in her eyes, and said, "It's okay Shadow."

"So, tell me. What's this case you got for me?" I asked her. I wanted to get down to business, now that my personal stuff with her is alright for now.

She levitated the case file to me. "It's in Ponyville. A Canterlot Royal Guard was found dead in an alleyway at about midnight last night. The poor guy was stabbed and beaten to death by somepony. Or someponies, because they think this was done by more than just one pony." She said to me. Oh, it's morning already? I guess I was so focused on my bills, I hadn't noticed I was up all night.

Wait? Did she say Ponyville? And Royal Guard? Hold on. Why is somepony from Ponyville contacting me? I would've thought the case she's giving me was from somepony here in New Colt City. There has to be more to this.

"Ponyville? Why did somepony from there wanna contact me? Wouldn't they try a Ponyville detective or something?" I asked her.

"Not a lot of bad things happen in Ponyville. That's why they don't have much of a Police Force there. And, as far as who wanted you to work this case, well, that would be me who put out a good word for you. I guess they got the message." She told me with a sly smile on her face.

I was surprised when I heard what she had to say. "You put out the word for me? Why would you do that?" I asked cause I was confused.

She looked at me like she thought I was stupid. "Didn't you hear what I said earlier?" She said while fidgeting with her hooves. And I think she blushed a little. Another one of my weaknesses with her. She looked so cute when she was embarrassed. "It's cause I care about you a lot. And, I want to help you with this bad situation." She told me.

I went up to her, and nuzzled her, which surprised her, and made her blush even bigger. "Well, thank you for that. I appreciate it. I'm glad having you by my side, Angel." I told her as she nuzzled back. I did mean it. Having her in my life is a lot better than what I normally have, and that's being alone. Yeah, I have my sister and my nephew, but I'm mostly a loner.

"Is there anypony I need to see first?" I asked her.

She nodded. "You need to head to the Castle of Friendship. Princess Twilight Sparkle will give you more info on it when you get there." She told me.

Princess? As in one of the rulers of Equestria? Princess Twilight Sparkle contacted me? Okay, this is just what I needed. I'm definitely gonna get a big payday now.

She then levitated over some bits for me. "This should be enough for a train ride over there." She said to me.

"I can't let you pay for me. It's your money." I said to her.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "And how are you gonna get there? You barely have 30 bits to your name." She said to me in a kind of smartass tone. I hated when she did that.

But, she was right. So I accepted. I gathered everything a detective like me needs. My revolver, my chemistry lab set, my steel chain I use during hoof to hoof combat, my trench coat, my camera, and my fedora. "Thank you. I'm gonna head out now." I said to her.

"Wait." She said. I turned back and....

She pulled me in for a kiss. It surprised me, but I gave in. She was a good kisser after all.

After we broke apart, she passionately looked into my eyes and said, "Be careful, okay?"

I smiled. "Always." Then I turned around and left my office, as did she. I made my way to the train station to head to Ponyville. I had heard about that place. It's, supposedly, the friendliest town in Equestria. Well, seeing as how there was a Murder last night, that may not entirely be the case.

Either way, I'm looking forward to it.

*******PONYVILLE**********

I eventually made it to Ponyville around 7 in the morning. Thankfully, I was able to catch some z's on the train. Normally, I wouldn't be to comfortable in the seats, but this time they actually felt good to sleep in.

The train made it's stop at Ponyville Train Station. I, along with a few other ponies, got off the train. Now, I knew I was looking for my guide. Apparently, it was some mare named...Starlight Glimmer. I swear I've heard that name before. I just can't for the life of me remember where.

I looked for a couple seconds before I saw a light purple unicorn mare with a dark purple mane that had aqua-marine streaks in it. Heh, I knew Melody would love that kind of manestyle.

I figured out it was her when she was levitating a sign that said "Detective Shadow Haze" on it. So, I went up to her to introduce myself.

However, when I did that, she looked kind of intimidated by me. Maybe it's my physical appearance. I have a blood red coat and a pitch black mane with red tints in it. My cutie mark is a magnifying glass. Maybe she hasn't seen a pony like me before. Maybe she saw the look on my face. Yeah, I don't smile a whole lot. I mean, when your in a similar situation like me, you tend not to be all that positive. So, I may come across like I'm pissed off all the time. Which, is kinda true in some aspects, but not entirely.

I put out my hoof. "I'm Detective Shadow Haze. Your Starlight Glimmer, I assume?" I said to her.

She gulped nervously. "Yes. It's nice to meet you Mister Detective. I'm so happy you came on such short notice." She said.

"No problem at all. I'm just happy to finally get a big case after all the shit ones I've had for a while." I told her. She cringed a little bit when I cussed. She'll just have to get use to it. Cause I happen to cuss a lot. Most of the time.

She accepted my hoofshake. "Well, we're glad you accepted it. What happened last night was just awful." She looked very depressed when she said that.

"Well, take me to the princess, and she'll give me all the info I need." I said as we starting walking toward our destination. The Castle of Friendship. It'd be nice to visit a place where famous ponies like the Elements of Harmony do business.

"Yes, sir." She said to me.

We walked all the way through town, until we made it to the Castle of Friendship. I had heard about this place from newspapers. Saying it was bigger on the inside than on the outside. Well, when we made it inside, I figured out what it said was true. This place was fucking huge. I'll bet there's over 100 different rooms here. It was awesome.

We walked inside to find my contact. The Princess of Friendship. Princess Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia's student. This mare, along with the other Elements of Harmony, had saved the world many times over. From powerful entity's who took over the mind of Princess Luna, to a chaotic draconequus, to tyrannical dictators, and so on and so forth. I respect Twilight Sparkle tremendously. She was sitting in a chair that actually had a map of Equestria on it. That looked pretty fucking cool of you ask me.

"Detective Shadow Haze. Thank you so much for accepting the case I sent out. We really need the help of a true legitimate detective." She said, kinda looking nervous. Like, she had been wanting to get this case over and done with before anypony finds out about it.

I bowed to her out of respect. "Look no further, Princess Twilight. I'm happy to help out on this case. Tell me everything you know. Then I'll go check out the crime scene." I said to her now sitting in a chair that was slightly next to her.

"First if all, just call me Twilight. And as far as what's happened, well, it's just awful detective. See, my big brother best friend forever, Shining Armor,--" she has a nickname for her brother? Okay, that's weird. "--he's the captain of the Royal Guard. And one of his men was found brutally murdered last night near the Ponyville Sofa Shop. The police are looking over the body and the crime scene as we speak." She said to me, with a slight quiver in her voice. I was able to write everything that she told me down. My hoof writing is pretty good from where I stand.

"Do you have any suspects or witnesses or anything at all?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "Unfortunately, no. We haven't interviewed anypony that might have been a witness to what happened. I told them to wait until you got there. I've heard of your work as a private detective, Mister Shadow Haze. And, I must say, I'm very impressed with what you do." She told me now smiling a little bit.

Heh. Finally, somepony who appreciates hard work. "Well, thank you Twilight. I'll make sure I get the son of a bitch who did this." I said.

She walked over to the front door of the Castle. "I'll guide you to the crime scene. It's not to far from here." She told me.

We walked out the door and back into town. "Alright, let's go." I said to her.

She nodded with a confident smile on her face. "Yes. We've got a mystery to solve."

Wait, we? When did this turn into we? Was this part of the case deal? So, now I have to not only worry about catching a fucking murderer, but now I have to make sure one of the Princesses of fucking Equestria is safe while doing it?

Ah, shit. I can never fucking win, can I?