a long time ago, there was a book. despacito was it's name. it converted all to its cause. the book told the truth. the fact was that there was a demon within all ponies and the only way to kill it was to end the world. it leeched off their sin because ponies were the personification of sin. to die was to live. that was the thing. the world needed to be purified. to this day, despacito followers are engaging in subversive activities. no-one knew where despacito came from but there is a rumour that it was an early work of starscroll the wizard.

Twilight Sparkle was taught a chant by her grandmother that went like this:

Jean-Luc Godard, Jean-Luc Godard. Innovate my genitals!

She used it whenever she felt completely alone in the world. Most people screw themselves over and then whine about it. Twilight was no exception to this rule. When chanted at a time the user was alone, it summoned the French New Wave director Jean-Luc Godard. He was the human embodiment of ponciness. Twilight didn't know that, though, because she didn't know humans existed. She only knew of the existence of Jean-Luc Godard.

Fluttershy was cowering in the corner of her broom closet. Her animals no longer knew her and displayed decreased levels of sentience. The bear had now become quite invested in eating Fluttershy. Fluttershy had barely escaped from him as initially she just thought he had been angered by something and was, at the time, sniveling apologetically. She then realised that she would have to sneak past the bear and all the other feral animals in order to reach a phone (public or otherwise) and be able to contact Twilight. At this point, Fluttershy felt like vomiting. Instead of sneaking past numerous wild, agile and somewhat unpredictable animals, she gave up and broke down crying in the corner of her broom closet. And then she vomited. And then a broom fell on her.

There was silence at the table where the six friends usually had brunch. Beyond having brunch, there was little for these friends to talk about. So, to pass the time and avoid acknowledging how utterly incompatible they all were, they watched movies afterwards. After that, they talked about what they would have for their next brunch. They had already exhausted the menu multiple times so the conversations were usually curt and deadening. In-jokes (already the best sign that a relationship has gone on too long) had begun to sprout and the six often simply resorted to those rather than actually talk about anything meaningful. After all, what was there to talk about? Fluttershy had not arrived.

"Fluttershy has not arrived." said Rarity.

"Yep." said Applejack.

More silence.

"Someone...should go look for her." said Rainbow Dash.

"I vote not me." said Twilight Sparkle.

"What if she's...in trouble and needs your magic?" said Rarity, who was not appreciating the fact that this situation may actually call for her to actually get up off her ass and do something.

To be fair, nobody was truly appreciating this aspect of the situation. Rainbow Dash did a good job of faking it, though.

"Fine. If none of you lame douchebags will help her, I will! I was always like a big sister to her! She was weak but I helped her become stronger! If she's in trouble despite MY tutelage, then...she's probably dead. Or maybe she had a fall like that old lady in that life alert commercial." said Rainbow Dash.

Claims of her having tutored Fluttershy were exaggerated. She, in reality, helped her do some push-ups and, while at her house, mentioned that she shouldn't take Angel's shit. Fluttershy didn't but often consciously gave the appearance of her being submissive to Angel in order to gain sympathy points which was not only the only thing she was really good at but the metric by which she determined her value as a pony. Twilight then proceeded to condescendingly smirk at Rainbow.

"Gosh, you really do care for her, don't you?" Twilight said. Twilight was aware of the fact that Rainbow didn't give a shit about Fluttershy. Nobody did, to be honest. Except for Fluttershy.

"God, I hate you." thought Twilight to herself.

Twilight then excused herself as she needed to go to the toilet.

Once in the toilet, Twilight summoned Jean-Luc.

"YO!" cried Jean-Luc as he appeared in a puff of smoke.

Twilight then took a FAT hit form her vape.
"God, you make those clouds FLY, girl!" said Jean-Luc Godard before giggling to himself.

"What should I do, Jean-Luc? Fluttershy doesn't usually turn up late like this! She's one of the few ponies from my group of friends I can actually tolerate!" said Twilight.

"Then why didn't you go to get her when your friends asked where she was, then? You wouldn't have pissed off your friends as much AND you would be, y'know, ACTUALLY SAVING YOUR ONE ACTUAL FRIEND." argued Jean-Luc.

It appeared he had seen through Twilight's lie.

"Well, I still KIND OF hate her," said Twilight "she's still a poser cunt who should be more honest and just shut the fuck up and GOD, I hate the fact that she is actually the most alright person in this stupid fucking group."

"What about Pinkie Pie?" asked Jean-Luc "She seems cool!"

"Manipulative cunt once you get to know her." said Twilight, before taking another hit of her vape.

"Alright." said Jean-Luc, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, I'll go see what the fucking sociopathic wimp is up to." said Twilight "Probably just broke her leg while arranging some flowers."

Upon seeing the devastation wrought upon Fluttershy's house, Twilight cast her "Fix Everything" spell. The animals went back to their docile, childish selves and the house was instantly repaired.

"Hey." said Twilight.

"Hey." said Fluttershy.

"You know what fucking annoys me?" said Twilight "When you try to goddamn install the packages necessary to run Robbie Barratt's neural network rapping program on Python using Anaconda, you end up STILL not being able to use due to Keras now for some goddamned reason needing Tensorflow and Tensorflow not working with python 2.7 which is what is needed to run Robbie's program! What the fuck?!? How are people supposed to run this damn thing?"

"Yeah," said Fluttershy "must suck."

Twilight and Fluttershy then rejoined the group so they could watch Southland Tales by Richard Kelly on their blu-ray. Southland Tales had finally been given the Criterion Blu-Ray release it deserved.

Author's Note

This is the first chapter. How do you like the dynamic? What do you think of the characters? Do you enjoy this?