Author's Note

I changed the tags of this story as it now contains drug use and fetish fuel. Be concerned.

RHAPSODY 2 : SPIKE DIES

When the gang all assembled at Applejack’s to watch Southland Tales, Pinkie Pie then began to flex her dab ass new Supreme clothing and brick.

“Check this, my homeslices! This brick is straight fuego!” said Pinkie Pie as she showed off the magnificent brick.

You may be wondering if I’m being a little harsh on these ponies. Maybe I am. Then again, I’m an omniscient narrator and thus, by default, right.
Rarity then briefly fantasised aboutbashing her head in with that damned brick. It would have been a very fashionable suicide. Everyone complimented the brick. Pinkie Oie had always been an ethical hedonist concerned only with maximising the collective happiness of Ponyville. In recent years, she had retreated within herself and concentrated, for the most part, on herself. Now she didn’t have to worry about money, there was no motivation to work. She busied herself mostly with keeping up with Supreme’s latest releases. Fluttershy whined about how pathetic she was. Nobody cared. Nobody ever really cared. Twilight Sparkle did a good job of faking it, though.

“Don’t say such things!” she said “It’s not your fault you don’t have magic to defend yourself with!”

“You know, there are other ways to defend yourself besides magic.” said Rainbow Dash.

“God, Rainbow!” said Twilight “Way to make things all about you!

Spike then suddenly keeled over.
“Oh.” said Twilight “It appears Spike has died from a heart attack.”
Everybody then proceeded to watch Southland Tales.

“Wow.” said Rarity “That was genuinely terrible.”

“You only said that because you don’t understand it.” said Twilight.

“No, I understand it. It’s just shit. The acting was over the top, there was no plot whatsoever and all the characters were shallow and unlikable.”

“Sorry you can’t parse it’s deep symbolism, bitch.”

Twilight then made an “L” sign at Rarity.

“Woah! Shots fired!” said Pinkie Pie before taking a hit out of her skull-shaped bong.

Twilight then got a phone call. She then promptly put the phone down.

“Celestia died and Luna’s missing. Pass the joint, Pinkie.” said Twilight.

“Get your own weed, you free-loading cunt!” said Pinkie, before ripping a FAT cloud and then hitting a FAT dab.

Twilight then punched Pinkie and stole her bong.

“Holy shit, you have bad taste in weed.” said Twilight.

She kicked Pinkie in retaliation for having such subpar weed. Pinkie kicked back.

“Ow! Holy shit, you fucking bitch! Why can’t you accept constructive criticism?” said Twilight.

“Fuck off, Twilight.” said Applejack.

Applejack then ate an apple.

Rarity shot Jean-Luc Godard. This made Twilight angry. Twilight killed Rarity in response. You know, she never did a whole lot bad, that Rarity. Nobody loves you.

Twilight then decided to go undercover in the cult. While in the cult, she learned that the cultists wanted to enact the apocalypse described in Revelations in order to fulfill Despacito’s prophecy. Twilight then proceeded to do bugger all with this information.

At Celestia’s funeral, Twilight got drunk and cried. Pinkie ensured that Celestia was buried in a Supreme brand coffin.

Lyra then stabbed Fluttershy. Twilight cast a “Fix All Wounds” spell on her. She got better. Twilight then killed Lyra.

Jean-Luc Godard then gave a speech about how killing was good because it reduced the population.

Fluttershy and Twilight then had sex. Fluttershy soon became pregnant. Twilight encouraged her to get an abortion. She obliged.

“You know what annoys me?” said Twilight “How Cryostasis: Sleep of Reason isn’t available on Steam anymore.”

Applejack was too busy getting pegged by Lyra to listen.

The gang then went out for curry. Pinkie Pie got drunk on absinthe. After that, they decided to inflate themselves like balloons for no reason. While they were pursuing their hedonistic desires, Despacito followers had caused a massive riot and killed the mayor. Thankfully, all that social unrest was patched up via Pepsi. One of the protestors handed a royal guard a Pepsi and then everyone engaged in an orgy. Anyway, a hose was inserted up Applejack, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Twilight’s anuses. Rainbow Dash was busy buying the groceries. She wasn’t killed in the riots because she had multi-coloured hair which made the rebels assume she was on their side. She didn’t care enough to correct them as she just wanted her damn groceries (there was also the fact that this confusion was directly within her interests). The inflation assistant thing pony pushed the button on an apparatus that looked kind of like a bop-it. Goddamn, I love bop-its. My favourite option was “Twist it!”. The ponies’ stomachs grew until they all kind of resembled ballon things and their navels looked like they were gonna pop. Hot damn, you should have been there. Despite the status of their navels, the ponies could not stare at their own due to the size of their stomachs. Dang. No more navel gazing. They orbited around one another (kinda like planets). The door then widened to accommodate the ponies’ extra bulk. They had to fart in order to propel themselves through the door. That is partly why they ate the curry earlier. One small problem was that each fart made the ponies more and more spherical. Ponies couldn’t pop because their skin could stretch to an infinite degree. This meant that there was a legitimate probability of one of the ponies becoming as big as a planet and leaving Earth’s orbit. Also, the bigger a pony became, the more buoyant they were which meant that each fart would propel them slightly higher in the air. The only way to remedy this would be to angle the body towards the ground but increased buoyancy also gives way to lack of bodily control which essentially meant that solution was temporary.

The for ponies then farted their way to MacDonald’s. Twilight made sure to purposefully bump Applejack off course while pretending it was an accident and occasionally fart in her face. This was revenge for telling her to fuck off. Yes, she was that petty. The only thing this accomplished was making Applejack more aroused. Little did these four ponies know that they were going to have dinner with Andy Warhol.

Andy Warhol was the greatest pony artist of all time. He wasn’t a human like Jean-Luc for some reason. Pinkie was so eager to meet Andy that she ended up shitting herself after attempting to propel herself toward him. Everybody (including Andy himself) pointed and laughed.