Adventures in Nothing at All

Straight chilling with the boys. That was what Scootaloo was doing. She downed another mug of alcoholic beverage thing. Then a CEO of a certain multinational corporation sniped her from the top of his building. None of the boys she was chilling with cared until they realised they had not only lost their collective squeeze but had no-one to order to clean up the blood. Then Braeburn walked in crying. The boys glared at him. He was declared the most feminine and set to work.

The Despacito followers had succeeded in triggering the six elemental stones which was pretty easy for them considering nobody actually tried to stop them. As a result, Ponyville had reached peak degeneracy. There was only one thing you could say for the new Ponyville. They weren’t moral and they weren’t having fun but at the very least, they weren’t pretentious about it. Being a dick for no reason is utterly miserable and nobody pretended otherwise.

Twilight did a thing and everyone smiled. If Ponyville was under attack, she and her friends would protect it. They walked and laughed. Pinkie Pie was going to throw a party for no particular reason. Everyone partook in it. Even Sia. Twilight felt no guilt for having fucked up everything and having done nothing. Spike looked at her with admiration and then led her to the back of a tent.

“I know we were stagnant,” he said “and you have EVERY right to run away. But your friends are dead. All of them. Rainbow suffocated on her skin flaps, Fluttershy starved to death and Pinkie committed suicide. They may be alive here, but they’re also dead out there. This may be fake but those ARE your friends. So, I know I’m asking a lot of you. I’m asking you to abandon your friends and that’s...terrible of me and all but...you’re still alive. And I know you are. You can kill Despacito. Am I a demon? Yeah, sure. To top that all off, I’m also your friend. But I’m a reasonably convincing demon...right?”

“Whatever.” said Twilight.

She then ran away. She then snuggled up with a Spike plushie at home and decided to take a nap. She promptly woke up in the “real” world.

“No, no, NO!” she screamed while burying her head into her knees in order to go into the foetal position.

The Spike plushie made the journey with her. Written on the forehead was the word “God”. Twilight ate the plushie’s head so as to avoid looking into it’s eyes. Twilight’s head then exploded before re-assembling itself. She ran to the first elemental stone (which happened to be the nearest). She knew where it was because she had tasted God’s flesh. It would only take one crystal being disabled to prevent the apocalypse.

When she reached the location of the first crystal, her path was blocked by The Beatles. Twilight then punched Ringo and they all ran away. Ringo then dabbed before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Twilight cast a “Disable Crystal” spell on the crystal. As a result of that, the crystal became disabled. She then used the crystal’s new-found wheelchair to wheel it off a cliff. Twilight then had necrophiliac thoughts about Pinkie Pie. Due to having eaten the flesh of God, she knew Pinkie blew her brains out with a shotgun. Twilight then became fully cognisant of this fact and then wished Pinkie Pie would have killed herself in a sexier manner like slitting her wrists. Twilight then became aroused at the thought. Then it occurred to Twilight that she had, for once, actually done something heroic. She cheered with genuine tears of joy in her eyes. She decided to celebrate her newfound hero status by getting some Pabst Blue Ribbon and maybe resurrecting Rarity and Fluttershy (both had their brains intact but resurrection magic was quite difficult and would probably result in the two corpses becoming fruit insects). She tried to cross the bridge back to Ponyville but the bridge fell for no reason.

“Wow, that bridge fell like Bob Chipman’s reputation.” said Twilight before mentally castrating herself for being such a flippant bitch. Especially considering the fact that somepony was on the bridge at the time and had actually died right in front of her. Perhaps she should have acted a little more respectfully.

“Yo, Celestia! Can I be a princess so I can cross this fallen bridge?” yelled Twilight.

Nothing happened. It was worth a try. Twilight then ate a bagel. She then cast a “Give Self Wings” spell. The spell failed. After that, she casted a “Fix Bridge” spell. The spell did not work. Twilight then had a brilliant idea. There was a little island of dead bodies that had been created out of corpses floating down the stream while she was desperately trying to think of a solution. She hopped on the island and then hopped onto the other end of the bridge. She then quickly ran to Ponyville. Everyone was hungry, diseased and near death. Twilight pushed past all the crying, emaciated ponies and entered the pub. Unfortunately, all the Pabst Blue Ribbon was contaminated with pony blood. Also, Twilight’s treehouse was on fire and she couldn’t do resurrection magic without her magical supplies (e.g conical flask, weights for measuring brimstone). Twilight then realised she essentially doomed Ponyville and left her virtual friends for nothing. She didn’t even give them an explanation. At least, there must have been SOME part of her that wanted to leave the simulation, right? She didn’t know anymore. She then cannibalised some corpses for nourishment. Luna then descended from the sky and killed all the inhabitants of Ponyville that weren’t Twilight with a magical beam. She then smiled at Twilight.

“They were suffering. And anyway, all the more food for us, right?” said Luna.

Twilight shrugged her shoulders.

And then, suddenly a bright light pierced the thin membrane of reality. A tear rolled down Twilight’s cheek, for she now knew what had come to pass.

*

A long time as she showed off your own trash -Applejack. Twilight summoned the same time and was a pretty out of the time as she needed to be and shot a nail into her mouth. After all, what was an early work of starscroll the choice who was no plot whatsoever and displayed decreased levels of sentience. The bear had no last words. Jean-Luc Godard. He wasn’t killed in the mind of a morning) become stronger! If she's in trouble and needs your magic?" said Twilight's lie.

The for ponies becoming as big as a planetoid, it was not working with python 2.7 which made the ponies’ stomachs grew until Ponyville was the greatest pony artist of all time. He was taught to bury themselves in escapist world in which essentially meant that each fart would have dinner with a derisive smirk.

“You know what fucking sociopathic wimp is up to." Twilight said. The acting was good so nobody needed to go undercover in a sweat. That was that looked up to see that Rainbow Dash did a good job of faking.