Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures

Chapters

A Chef in a Pastel Colored World part 1
A Chef in a Pastel Colored World part 2
A Chef in a Pastel Colored World part 3
A Royal Kitchen Nightmare part 1
A Royal Kitchen Nightmare part 2
Casing a Gourmand
The First Nightmare part 1
The First Nightmare part 3
The First Nightmare part 4
End of the First Nightmare part 1
End of the First Nightmare part 2
A Visit to The Tasty Treat
Intermission: Morning of the Trip to the Griffon Lands
Casing a Crazy Griffon
Greta's Baking Company part 1 (EDIT: 1/2/19)
Greta's Baking Company part 2
Greta's Baking Company part 3
Greta's Baking Company part 4
Greta's Baking Company Explosive Finale
Down the Mountain
Back to Ponyville
Burger Princess Shack part 1
Burger Princess Shack part 2
Burger Princess Shack part 3
Burger Princess Shack part 4
Burger Princess Shack Finale
Hotel Hell Prologue: Drunk Griffons and Helpful Zebras
Hotel Hell: The First in Ponyville part 1
Hotel Hell: The First in Ponyville part 2
Hotel Hell: The First in Ponyville part 3
Hotel Hell: The First in Ponyville part 4
The Equestrian Dream and Ponk Journalism
Meeting the Raging Scotsman (Major Update: 10/31/21)
The First Nightmare part 2
Interlude: Interrogations, Humans, and Newscasts (Updated 8/2/21)

A Chef in a Pastel Colored World part 1

Author's Note

Just a few chapters starting with this one setting up Gordon coming to Equestria before the funny official episodes with the hotels and restaurants begins!

This is still a weird writing experiment for me, so I might not get everything picture perfect. Give me any constructive criticism that might help improve it.

Edit: 5/27/20

A Chef in a Pastel Colored World part 1

Tonight on Kitchen Nightmares, we are going to receive an opportunity of a lifetime that everyone dreams of at one point in their life or another. To get the chance to visit and document a world beyond Earth. Not just any world though, a world inhabited by candy-colored ponies who can use magic! Just a week ago, one of the royalties of Equestria, Princess Twilight, and two of her ambassadors came to our own Chef Gordon Ramsay with an unusual request. To come to Equestria to deal with an epidemic of illness spreading from every famous restaurant and hotel in Equestria. She allowed us to accompany Gordon as a TV crew like us would pose less of a risk than a government official. What kinds of restaurants and hotels lie on the other side of the portal for our titular Chef to review and critique? Stay tuned to find out!

Twilight and her friends were allowed to stay a week at the presidential suite in Caesar's Palace while the Chef and his team prepared to make the trip to the other side of the portal into Equestria. Their Secret Service liaisons provided them with transportation and protection in Las Vegas as they spent the time exploring the city's numerous sights. Pinkie was busy most of the time winning countless games and slot machines in the casino, much to their confusion and dismay. Her favorites had included a game named after a cousin of their friend Applejack and the human's version of Poker. She even managed to beat a few championship-winning players with ease. Rarity had been busy browsing the many fashion shops at the local malls and boutiques, getting inspiration for her next fashion lines. Twilight had been enthralled with a series of shows on the History Channel that all seemed to be based in Las Vegas. So she thought it would be prudent to take the time to visit each location and gain valuable knowledge on human history and culture.

Before they all knew it, the week had gone by and they were just about ready to be on their way and head through the portal back through Equestria. Twilight had discovered a way to summon the dimensional crack from Pasadena all the way to Las Vegas, but to make sure they can safely go through, she had requested that they would be taken to a remote place away from the major population and away from prying eyes so that she could perform the spell. So the agents directed them all out into the desert towards an old gas station for all of them to rendezvous.

During the car ride there, Twilight told them about the things she had learned and the people she had met.

"Mr. Rick Harrison was actually pretty helpful and really friendly. His pawn shop was full of so many fascinating things. Though that golden clock on one of his shelves gave me the willies. He called it the Death Clock because a lot of people died while making it. His father kept on asking if he has spiked his drink when he saw me. Not surprisingly I guess, humans can barely comprehend our existence in this world. His son's friend Chumlee I think, kinda reminded me too much of Pinkie. The rare more irritating side of Pinkie anyway. When I showed him what our bits looked like he seemed to want to give me a lot of money for one of them. It seems that gold is somewhat rare here compared to Equestria."

"What about that...car shop darling?" Rarity asked. "Did you enjoy yourself there too?"

"Are you kidding me? It was amazing!" Twilight exclaimed. "I believe the owner's name is Danny "The Count". He was more than willing to show me a lot of fascinating things about how cars work. And it's pretty complex! Though I did run into another odd guy there. A man named Mike who was a little obsessed with horns."

The girls soon arrived at the meeting point with their liaisons early in the morning just as the sun began creeping further and further into the eastern sky. The desolate landscape surrounding the gas station began to drastically change back from its freezing climate at night to its scorching climate during the day. The growing heat was starting to become brutal, especially for three ponies covered in fur.

"Ugh, can we please hurry up with this darling?" Rarity whined. "I love getting my Vitamin D as much as the next girl, it does wonders for your complexion in healthy amounts, but this is going to cook me. And I really don't like getting all sweaty."

"I'm not liking this heat any more than you are Rarity, but have to wait for Gordon and his team. The whole reason for being here was to bring him back with us over to Equestria so he can help us. We can't just leave him," Twilight stated firmly.

"Well, he'd better hurry up. It's becoming practically an inferno out here."

The brown-haired agent, who formally introduced himself a few days ago as Agent John Myers quickly concluded a call with the Chef in question.

"Chef Ramsay is on his way your majesties. He said he won't take more than half an hour to arrive. Apparently, he had to buy a new camera for one of his cameramen after....uhhh, something about Miss Pie in an incident involving a fountain, a banana, and a pineapple in one of the casinos?"

"Trust me. You don't want to know," Twilight chuckled. "I just hope this doesn't sour our relationship with him. I'd like to try to make friends in the human world too.".

"I had no idea, someone, with that much booze could move like that," one of the other agents mused.

"In my defense, that Whis-Key stuff you mentioned did funny stuff to me. Even with sugar!" Pinkie explained from the inside of an old gas pump globe she had stuck her head into.

"Is that type of behavior common with Miss Pie?" Myers whispered to Twilight.

"It's best not to question it. Believe me, I've spent years trying to." Twilight replied wryly.

After a few minutes of biding her time by studying the nearby desert environment, A few cars showed up and Gordon and his team emerged. Gordon was wearing light casual clothes that were suitable for the growing temperature of daytime Nevada. He seemed to be eyeballing Pinkie Pie with a vaguely irritated look before he turned his attention to Twilight as he seemed keen on asking her a few questions.

"Pardon me for asking your highness-" Gordon started.

"Twilight," she interjected.

"Pardon?"

"You can call me Twilight, Gordon. There's no need for formality here," she replied. "I'd like to get to know you while I'm working with you."

"Alright then, Twilight I would like to ask why we are out here? Wasn't the "portal" seen in Pasadena?"

"Yes, but we are pressed for time, and a car ride would only delay us. I believe I have found a way to bring the rift or portal as you call it to our direct spot. I can't risk somebody accidentally following us in, so I had my liaisons here find a location like this one where little to no people are in the area."

"Understandable. Security and all that," he replied. "But uh, how are you planning on bringing the portal here?"

With a smirk, Twilight walked a few feet out towards an open spot where only a small patch of grass was and stood in a tense position.

"Observe."

Pinkie pulled her head out of the gas globe and put on a comically oversized welders helmet in preparation for the spell.

Twilight ignited her horn with a bright lavender glow that sparked with raw magical energy. It glowed brighter and brighter until the light blinded the eyes of all who were there until they heard a loud warbling that seemed to be coming from where Twilight was standing. When they opened their eyes, they were greeted by a mass of swirling light blue energy which they took to be the portal.

"HOLY SHIT!" Gordon cried.

"Don't worry, don't worry. We are completely safe here."

"And just about time that the portal got here too. I've been starting to worry about somepony giving Sweetie and her friend Button Mash tainted food," Rarity dramatically stated.

The girls began walking their way back to the portal casually as if nothing was wrong.

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!" Gordon snapped.

"What is it, Mister Ramsay?" Rarity asked. "We really must be on our way as soon as possible".

"Through that???" Gordon and his crew cried in unison and disbelief as they pointed at the portal.

"Why yes Gordon. It is the only way to get to out-world after all." Twilight stated matter of factly.

"Uh-Uh," he declines. "I like my molecules stable and untampered with thank you."

"Pinkie? Can you be a dear and help me with him?" Twilight asked mischievously.

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie giggled.

Pinkie just comically stretched out her mane with her hoof and absorbed all of their equipment into it like a vacuum cleaner and then began pushing Gordon and his crew towards the portal all at the same time, much to their dismay and utter confusion.

"Oh come on Rammy! It's gonna be fun having you over!" she said with glee.

Twilight and Rarity just giggled at the sight before them. Gordon and his entire crew being bulldozed into the portal by Pinkie's mane like rocks in front of a tractor.

Right before him and his team were launched through the portal, Gordon heard Pinkie yell "wheeeee!!!!" as they jumped through together.

Gordon couldn't make out what was around him but vaguely saw what looked like he was falling down a hole filled with lightning and spiraling clouds of different colors.

He then began to feel faint as he blacked out from the force of the fall.

"He just went all "splat" and then there we were!" was the first thing Gordon heard when he began to stir from his unconsciousness. Underneath him, he felt the distinct sensation of soft flowing grass.

"Yes Pinkie," he heard Twilight say deadpan. "We all saw it".

"Twilight dear, I think he's waking up," Rarity said.

"Damn, I feel like I've fallen a hundred feet down a fucking well," Gordon said deliriously.

"I'm SO so sorry about that Chef," Twilight consoled while helping Gordon upon his feet. "I don't entirely understand all of the mechanics of the portal yet, so there are still some physical risks when making the journey.

Gordon saw how upset she was at his bruising, so he tried to cheer her up.

"Ah, that's alright Twilight. Let's just try to make sure that doesn't happen again alright?"

"Sure. Perhaps I can put down some safety measures here for future trips to and from Earth."

"Fantastic," he replied. "Now, where are we-"

As his crew was helped up by Pinkie and Rarity, they saw Gordon slack-jawed at their new surroundings that they found themselves in and did the same right as they gazed upon the same wonders that he did.

They were dropped right in the middle of what Gordon could only describe as a kingdom from a child's storybook. Small two-story buildings in a variety of earthen colors surrounded them. Gordon recognized it as some kind of town square due to the placement of the buildings and the large four-story pagoda-like structure lying right in the middle of everything. The whole environment of the town had its own oddities as well. The sun was lower in the sky to the west signaling that it was early evening.

"I think I'm high," Gordon said trying to restrain his anxiety. "Definitely high."

"Then we might be all high at the same time Chef," his director Daniel replied. I really hope we aren't in a coma or something."

"No silly, you're in Ponyville Square duh!," Pinkie replied energetically. This is where we get off of the interdimensional express. Please make sure you remember to pick up your luggage and never accept packages from strangers.

"It's nothing to worry about Chef," Twilight urged. "This is Ponyville. Where you and your crew's primary lodgings will be while we "ahem" deal with the situation here in Equestria."

"Well, I suppose it looks pleasant enough," he replied as ponies going about their daily duties began to notice the humans with the princess and walk right up to them, curious of the new alien visitors to Ponyville. "This is probably the nicest ecstasy trip I've ever had. If this is all in my head anyway."

A tan pony with white hair and glasses trotted through the growing crowd of chattering ponies up to Twilight and Gordon to meet them.

"Princess Twilight! It's good to see you made it back safely," the mare kindly said. "And who is this?"

"Mayor Mare, this is Chef Gordon Ramsay. I've brought him and his team over from Earth to help us with our health crisis in Equestria," she explained. "Gordon, this is Mayor Mare. She runs Ponyville primarily around here."

"Fuck it, I might as well try to enjoy this as much as I can," he quietly concluded. "Pleasure to meet you, miss...Mayor Mare was it? I hope I can be of some assistance."

"Well we are certainly glad to accept any help we can get our hooves on," she replied.

"I am glad to help in any way I can, but first we probably need to get my bearings on where we are".

"Of course, just stick with the Princess and her friends and you shouldn't have any problems. If you need any assistance at all, just let me know. Absolutely ANYTHING!" she said as she moved her face to right within inches of Gordon's face and then moved off after a solid three seconds of staring into large blue eyes.

She then walked back in the opposite direction to help disperse the crowd of ponies who continued to gawk at the humans in awe. Gordon could vaguely hear them talk about how familiar he looked to another famous pony in Canterlot.

"May I ask what the fuck was that about?" Gordon asked slowly.

"She's a fan. I showed her one of your cookbooks and she became instantly hooked," Twilight replied.

"Ah" he simply replied.

"I'm kind of surprised that they seem to be THIS surprised by humans," Twilight thought out loud. "We've had a human here just a few months ago."

"Someone else was here before?" Gordon asked.

"Well humans are kind of new in Equestria and your little friend was just one human as opposed to a group of them."

"And with that, I am afraid I must take my leave Twilight and Gordon," Rarity said as she looked at the sinking sun. "I need to get home quickly to prepare dinner for Sweetie Belle and me."

"Yeah, I should probably get back home too. I'm babysitting the Cake Twins tonight," Pinkie added.

"Alright, I'll see you two tomorrow then," Twilight said. "Meet me with the other three in the throne room at noon first thing tomorrow."

Pinkie and Rarity went off in separate directions, leaving Twilight alone with Gordon. She escorted him and his team through the streets of Ponyville for about ten minutes until they finally reached the outside walkway of her home which caught the humans completely off guard with its massive appearance.

"Wow," Gordon said visibly impressed.

"Is that castle made of solid crystal?" his director asked.

"Yeah, my home tends to get that reaction a lot from ponies and humans."

She led them down the street and right into her castle home.

When they got inside the massive front doors leading into the main hallway, they began to fathom just how large this castle was from the immense size of the first chamber which echoed their every step. Gordon could tell that it was masterfully decorated and furnished. Banners of purple with accents of gold hanging down from the walls on either side, An impossibly long maroon carpet trailing down the main hallway and into separate hallways complimenting the various shades of purple and blue that seemed to make up the color scheme of the whole castle.

"Your home is quite nice Twilight. I can tell that you put a lot of care and love into it."

"Thank you. But I can't take the entire credit for decorating it. A lot of the decorations just sort of...came with the castle."

As Gordon began to raise his eyebrow in questioning at that statement, Twilight began to call for someone.

"Spike! Spike!," Twilight shouted. "Where are you? I've got our guests from Earth here!"

"I'm coming Twilight, I'm coming!" they heard from down one of the halls.

When the owner of the voice came around the corner to greet them, Gordon wasn't sure what he was looking at. A short chubby purple lizard with green spines running down its back. It seemed to be grasping what looked like a feather quill in one of its claws. Gordon's eyes furrowed in complete confusion.

"What?" Gordon asked in a vaguely frightened tone.

"What is it Twilight? I WAS in the middle of taking inventory of the library like you asked me- oh," he said as he noticed Gordon and his production team.

"Spike, this is Chef Gordon Ramsay and his production team. They are going to be staying with us primarily in Ponyville while he helps us deal with the outbreak," she explained. "Gordon, Daniel, this is my adopted son and top assistant Spike. He will be traveling with us with the other girls while we solve this little crisis."

Spike walked up to the humans with a raised eyebrow and looked Gordon up and down and as the man began to feel mildly offended, Spike put on a smile and outstretched his tiny claw.

"Nice to meetcha. I hope you can help us out," Spike said cheerfully. "Things have been getting crazy around here. Much more than usual."

"Ah, well. I guess I will do everything I can to help. But first I think I will need more details on what is going on." Gordon replied.

"And I agree. But even I am not entirely sure what is going on. Princess Celestia seemed to know about the situation better than I do. Which means I need to bring you all up to Canterlot first thing tomorrow."

"Canterlot? Ponyville? Damn, if the other cities have names like this, I think we may have our work cut out for us," Daniel quipped.

"Oh knock it off Daniel. Who's Princess Celestia if I might ask?"

"Oh, she's the primary ruler of Equestria and the one who moves the sun," Twilight explained nonchalantly.

"Wh-Wh-Wh-What? She moves the...."

"The Sun yes," she replied for him.

"Christ. This is going to get weirder every minute." he lamented. "Oh well, what's on the menu for dinner here?"

"Oh yes, I almost forgot," Twilight replied. "Spike!"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I'm on it, don't get your tail in a knot," Spike said as he ran off into another hallway and one of the doors.

They then heard the sound of pots, pans, and plates banging and crashing to the floor and breaking into a million pieces.

"Oops," they heard him say.

"Fuckin hell," was all Gordon said before he followed Twilight in Spike's direction.

A Chef in a Pastel Colored World part 2

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

A Chef in a Pastel Colored World part 3

After an unusual dinner, Twilight, Spike, Gordon, and his production team shared many a story with each other about the things they had been through in recent times. Twilight could tell that Gordon was finding her world and all of the tales of magic and monsters a little much to handle all at once, so she allowed him to take over the storytelling. Gordon went on to tell her quite a number of stories about his time on his first few shows and some of the more crazy locations that he had visited all over America. Twilight had kept her notebook out to write down any important details she felt was significant enough to record.

Before long, the clock had struck twelve and Twilight decided that it would be a good idea for all of them to get some sleep. They would all need to be well rested for their trip to Canterlot to see Princess Celestia. After Twilight sent Spike to bed, she directed Gordon's crew to separate rooms that were set up with bunk beds. Gordon was given the royal guest room next to Twilight's and changed into his sleepwear that he had packed for the trip to Equestria. He fell asleep almost immediately after contemplating how he would successfully do his job in a world of ponies instead of a world of humans.

The following morning, Gordon woke up at the crack of dawn, fully expecting to be in his own bed back on Earth. Instead, he was thoroughly surprised to find out that he was still in the same nonsensical world.

"Ugh, either this is the longest fucking acid trip I've ever been on, or all of this is real," he concluded.

With a groan, he rolled out of bed and started doing his morning exercises to wake up his muscles and his body.

Afterwards, he quickly changed into his work clothes and began moving his way back towards the living room where he assumed everyone would come to meet when they woke up. After a few minutes of walking down a really long hallway with virtually identical doorways on either side, he made it to the living room where he found Spike sweeping up where his crew were sitting the previous night.

"Ah, Spike!" Gordon exclaimed cheerfully. "You seem to be up early."

"Oh hi Chef!" Spike greeted. "I was just doing some of my early morning chores. Its my turn to do this today."

"Pardon me for asking lad, but why is a prince of all things, doing things like cleaning and cooking? Don't you have castle staff for that sort of thing?" Gordon questioned. "A few servants, or a cleaning crew, a janitor?"

"Prince?"

"Even if you are adopted to Twilight, the way it sounds, you are still legally her son. So wouldn't the son of a Princess be a Prince?"

"I...never thought of it like that." Spike admitted. "I admit it sounds nice, but I'm not cut out to be royalty. I learned that the hard way after trying to do Twilight's job a while back. Princess Cadance once offered me to be something called a Con Sort, when I came of age, but I turned her down. Besides, Twilight never believed in castle staff, and I enjoy being her number one assistant anyways. Twilight would run herself ragged and starve herself if I wasn't around doing all of the gritty stuff."

'I'd better ask Twilight if she knows this Cadence person, cause I didn't like where that was going,' he nervously thought.

"Well, its nice to see how dutiful Twilight's son is," Gordon replied. "Do you do all of her cooking here too?"

"Yeah!" he replied. "And I'm usually very good at it. Heck, with Pony food, I'm the best at my age. At least, I like to think I am. Human food just throws me off I guess. Twilight's friend tried to show me how to make something called a Ravee Oli, but I kept messing it up."

"Don't worry about it, it takes practice to learn a new form of cuisine." he encouraged.

"I just wish we had good equipment to use that didn't blow up in my face every week."

'I suppose re-hauling Twilight's castle can go into the "maybe section" on my to do list while i'm in this crazy country,' Gordon thought.

"Which reminds me. I need to wake up Twilight!" Spike exclaimed. "She DID want to get you guys to the train station early."

He then finished his sweeping and put the broom away in a nearby closet. He briefly told Gordon to stay in the living room while he woke the others up from their deep sleeps.

Meanwhile, Gordon took the opportunity to browse one of the small bookshelves that Twilight had set up in the living room for a temporary piece of reading material while waiting for the others. He came across a number of different books, including one with a main character, strikingly similar to America's own titular Indiana Jones. He went looking through quite a few of the books until he found a small book called A Brief History of Equestria that he cracked open and found a good spot that he could lay back on the couch with his legs crossed. For the twenty minutes that he had while he was reading, he learned a few basics about Equestria like its structure, who ruled it, and the things the different races of ponies had to deal with when they first founded the nation. He also learned that Celestia and Luna were picked to be the rulers of Equestria as opposed to forcing themselves to be, but the book didn't quite go into why they were picked or where they specifically came from.

In a half hour, his production crew came out to the living room fully dressed back into their own work wear with Twilight in tow.

"Oh, there you are Gordon! I see you took to researching our history," Twilight said cheerfully. "I can get you a more recent version of that if you'd like. That edition is a little old. The 32nd edition by Lilac Quill has all of the updated history right from the princess herself"

"Maybe later Twilight. But I did find your history rather...unique and interesting. Not bad, but interesting. I just might come back here later to look into it more."

"Well I'm glad you think so. Maybe when we can come back here to have a break, I can set you up with a few more."

"Well thank you Twilight. I think that would be lovely."

"Are you all ready?" she asked. "Princess Celestia wanted me to bring you to meet her first thing today. She said that she wanted to have breakfast with you and your team while we give you the full story on what has been going on here."

"As ready as I will ever be. But how will we get to this Canterlot if I may ask?" Gordon inquired.

Out of nowhere, a pair of blue eyes and a big toothy smile exploded out from under a couch cushion to answer his question.

"BY TAKING THE TRAIN SILLY!"

"HOLY FUCK!" Gordon screamed. "You scared the fucking shit out of me."

"PINKIE! What are you doing here? Twilight exclaimed.

"The Princess called me too silly filly! Spike gave me a letter last night while I was making my Peppermint Peanut Butter Pastries for Gordon's Welcome to Equestria party!" Pinkie rambled happily. "Although I still need to tinker with some of the ingredients a little bit. It's a new recipe after all. Hey, that's a funny word. Tinker! Tinker, Tinker, Tinker, Tinker, Tinker, Minker, Pinker, Linker, Shrinker, Dinker-"

Twilight notice that Gordon was beginning to lose it the more Pinkie rambled on and on just by his expression. She jumped in before things could get nasty.

"Alright!" Twilight shouted. "Th-That's fine Pinkie. Why don't we head over to the train station so we can get to Canterlot?"

"Okie Dokie Lokie!"

She happily hopped out of the room leaving them all with an awkward silence.

"There are SO many things wrong with that girl," Gordon said as he breathed heavily. "I nearly shat myself from that."

"Yeah, but she means well," Twilight replied sheepishly. "Its best you don't question her, you'll just get a headache trying to figure her out."

They gradually made their way across town greeting the citizens of Ponyville that hadn't met Gordon and his team. A few of them were somewhat wary of the humans, but most of the ponies were very friendly, much to Gordon's delight. When they finally made it to the other side of town where the Ponyville Station was located. Five other ponies were their to meet them, two of which Gordon had already met. The sophisticated white coated unicorn Rarity Belle and the cray pink coated pony Pinkie Pie. There was also a light blue pony with wings and a rainbow mane, a gold coated pony with a Stetson, and a timid yellow coated winged pony with a bright pink mane.

"Twilight darling, you made it just in time!" Rarity exclaimed happily.

"We just had to pack a few things before heading out." she replied.

"Why don't you introduce us to yer friend Twi?" the gold-coated pony asked. "Rainbow, Flutershy, and I had to stay here to deal with the poisoned crops here in Ponyville while you, Pinkie, and Rarity went to Earth.

"Alright then, girls I'd like you to meet the man who is going to help us figure out what exactly is going on," Twilight explained. "Chef Gordon Ramsay of Earth. World class chef, businessman, health inspector, animal rights activist, and therapist. Gordon, I'd like you to meet my other friends Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy."

"Sup," Rainbow Dash greeted. "I bet you haven't heard of me yet on Earth, but I think you will know me soon enough. I'm kind of like a big deal around here. Like a REALLY big deal. I'm the fastest thing anywhere. From what I hear, humans line up around those "tee vee" thingies just to see how awesome I am. Maybe I can show you my favorite carrot dog joint here. Get you some more cred."

'Oh, great. One of THOSE kinds of people' Gordon thought. 'I guess pretentious people are a constant thing in every world. Just nod and pretend you are listening,' he thought.

"Well, I look forward to it," Gordon replied politely.

Then the gold coated pony with the Stetson stepped forward with a hearty smile on her face.

"Howdy there Gordon. Ahm Applejack," she said happily as she stuck her hoof out to shake Gordon's hand. "Mah family runs the major apple crop here in Ponyville. We supply everything apple-related to every corner of Equestria."

'Well, I guess standards in this batshit insane country are different than on Earth, cause naming your daughter after an alcohol usually doesn't go over well in the long run. This girl seems pleasant enough in any case.'

He decided to reciprocate the greeting as he grabbed Applejack's hoof and shook it firmly. All of the other ponies present winced as they prepared for Gordon to receive the shaking of his life. However, they were immediately surprised after a few seconds of nothing happening.

"Wow, that's a mighty strong grip you got there Chef. Along with a set of nicely built arms" Applejack complimented. "Most new people and ponies get shaken up like mah famous Cinnamon Appletinis in an earthquake."

"Well, I'm a bit more firmly built than most," he admitted.

Then the yellow coated pony stepped forward timidly with half of her face completely obscured by her bright pink mane.

"He-hello. I'm Fluttershy" Fluttershy muttered.

"Sorry darling, didn't quite catch that."

"Come on Fluttershy," Pinkie urged as she pushed the pegasi's cheeks together with her hooves and stared deeply into her eyes. "Its been 8 seasons and over a hundred issues of our comic. You can trust the nice human."

The pony known as Fluttershy lightly pushed Pinkie aside and gave her a raised eyebrow.

"I'm STILL older than you are Pinkie. You know that right?," the yellow pony said vaguely irritated. "Sorry. I'm Fluttershy. Its nice to meet you Mr. Ramsay I take care of the animals and local wildlife around Ponyville and provide ponies with any animal related service."

"Ah, so you're the town gamekeeper?" Gordon asked.

"More like Animal Caretaker and veterinarian, but yes," she replied happily.

'A little timid, but I think she will be nice enough to work with,' he thought as he shook her hoof gently.

"Well then, Miss Shy, I think we are going to work just fine together."

A few minutes later, the train arrived at the station with a loud shrill coming from the engine signaling the group of humans and ponies to board. When the conductor saw Twilight and the rest of their group, he personally saw to giving them an entire first class car to fit the rather large group. When they got inside, they each found their seats, with Gordon being given a window seat right next to Twilight. After fifteen minutes of other ponies boarding, the train finally got underway to begin its two hour journey all the way to Canterlot.

Meanwhile, back in Canterlot...

The castle was all abuzz with activity. After hearing of Twilight's journey by train to the city, Princess Luna took it upon herself to start five hours before the Sun came up to gather the best chefs from Equestria, Griffonstone, Zebrica, and the Woodland Kingdom to prepare a large banquet for the group of humans and ponies. Celestia had just woken up to attend to her Day Court when she found the throne room ablaze with activity. A large table adorned with the finest cloths, flowers, and food was being set up along the length of the room. On the Throne of Midnight, she found Luna directing the entire castle staff.

"Garcon! Send word to Wolfgang Buck on the other side of town. His princess requests his presence," she barked.

"Yes your majesty," one of the servants replied.

"Prim Prop, head over to our royal seamstress to repair our dress." Luna boomed. "We must look our best when the great guru Ramsay arrives."

"Right away your eminence!"

Celestia walked up to the throne with an awkward smile on her face.

"Luna? What's going on if its okay to ask?" Celestia questioned.

"Dear Sister! We are glad to see you have awoken from your slumber!" Luna exclaimed. "We are preparing a grand "break of the fast" banquet for dear Twilight and the great Ramsay! Tis our royal tradition to welcome an esteemed figure from another realm in such a manner is it not?"

"Couldn't we just have a simple, calm breakfast?" Celestia asked.

"I should think not!" Luna huffed. "We have a reputation to uphold dear sister! We must show the humans we are worthy to be their friends!"

Celestia just rolled her eyes and slowly went over to her throne before sitting down with a big thump.

"Well, if you insist on going through with this, I'm going to have a bit of tea before heading out to the train station," she said calmly.

As if on cue, her personal butler brought out a small tray with a pot of tea and her favorite silver teacup.

"Oh! Thank you Penn Worth," Celestia accepted happily. "You have always been very helpful."

"Of course Madam," the aging grey coated stallion replied stoically. "I live to serve."

Celestia picked up the teacup from the tray in her golden glow and began to sip gingerly as she watched the ponies rushing about from each of her orders.

"Penn Worth, you have my permission to speak freely, so please. What do you think of...my sister's little endeavor here?" Celestia asked nervously. "All of the ponies here look beyond uncomfortable."

For a moment, the butler said nothing, until he breathed out sharply and leaned his head discreetly towards her.

"Its become maddening my lady," the colt replied wearily. "I have come to adore your sister just as I adore you my lady, but this whole thing has gotten a little out of hoof! And over something as trivial as a famous human Chef from Earth."

"Luna has always clung to the old ways of honor and distinction," she agreed. "Even after 2 years of being back, she still has to adjust. I think this is just her own way of coping."

"Well, I do hope it doesn't go TOO far," Penn Worth replied.

Then suddenly an explosion of food and smoke came flying out of the hallway.

"HUZZAH!"

"That may already be too late," Celestia replied sheepishly.

Next Time:
A Royal Kitchen Nightmare

A Royal Kitchen Nightmare part 1

The two-hour train ride to Canterlot went by smoothly without a hitch. Gordon thoroughly enjoyed gazing upon the open countryside of Equestria outside the window of the train car. It reminded him of his many leisurely drives through the hillsides of the U.K. The color scheme of the train was a little too.... pink and sugary for his tastes, but it was comfortable enough, despite being built primarily for people of an Equine build. The only big drawback to the train was that the ceiling of the train car just barely gave him enough room to stand up. Everything was just sized slightly smaller than the human man was used to.

Other than that, the ponies and humans thoroughly enjoyed each other's company, sharing stories about each other's worlds. Unfortunately, Applejack had to constantly keep her eyes and her lasso on Pinkie to keep her appetite from devouring the entire snack trolley that ran up and down the length of the train. Fluttershy and Rarity were spending their time conversing with Gordon's team about the various exotic locations they have been to on Earth with Gordon. Whereas, Twilight and Spike were busy reading and going over lists next to Gordon on his train seat.

Before long, the city of Canterlot came into view as they circled their way up Mount Canter up towards the city. The train then began to gradually slow down as they approached Canterlot Grand Central Station. Soon, it came to a screeching halt as they finally arrived.

'Well, here we are," Twilight stated as she sent her long lists away with a puff of purple smoke. "Come on everyone, let's go".

They disembarked from the train and found many ponies and a few other species boarding and disembarking from their trains as usual. A group of tall bipedal humans at the moment were the least of their worries as they were too busy going about their business to even care.

"Well, I suppose crowded train stations and airports are a constant in a lot of different places," Gordon mused.

"Oh, you have no idea Mr. Ramsay," Rarity dryly remarked.

She grunted in surprise when someone accidentally pushed past her in a rush.

"You should see it during the Solstice Celebrations here four times a year," Spike added.

"Even the Wonderbolts have a hard time getting through here," Rainbow agreed as she looked up.

The space above them seemed to be occupied with flying ponies and what appeared to be griffins of all shapes and sizes.

"I just wonder how you can get to this Canterlot Castle in all of this shit heap of a mess," Gordon wondered as he crossed his arms. "I sure hope it isn't like this throughout the whole city, or getting to that castle might become nasty."

"I'm hoping my presence here will help to avoid that Chef Ramsay," a heavenly voice stated from off to the side.

"Huh?"

Gordon turned around to face a large snow-white horse with long flowing hair of many vibrant colors, a longhorn that protruded from her forehead like a spear, and a pair of elegant wings folded neatly at her side. The one thing that confirmed Gordon's suspicions about this large white horse was the golden necklace and crowned adorning her body. Plus, a pair of guards in guided golden armor and intimidating lances were accompanying her.

"Princess Celestia I presume?" he slightly bowed in respect.

"Welcome Gordon Ramsay," she said kindly as she bowed back. "It is good to see you all made it here to Canterlot. I'm glad to see that you made it back to Equestria safely."

Twilight trotted up to her old teacher and they sweetly embraced each other.

"It's nice to be back Princess," Twilight replied. "But why are you here?"

"I thought I'd come to meet you this time. I do like to get out of the castle from time to time," Celestia admitted. "Plus, Luna is handling....er a bit of a surprise for all of you. While also handling most of my Day Court responsibilities for the hour. She was very insistent on doing so."

"Are you here to escort us to the castle princess?" Rarity asked.

"Not immediately, Rarity," Celestia said mischievously. "I figured that we could take the scenic route through the city, back to the castle to allow Luna ample time to complete her little surprise for all of you."

"A surprise? Oooooh! I can't wait to see what it is," Pinkie exclaimed.

"Well, then lead on your highness," Gordon replied.

Princess Celestia escorted the group through the city, right down the main roads, with the intent of allowing the citizens of her capital city to get used to seeing the group of humans. Unfortunately for her, all that did was earn them a lot of upturned noses and hushed jeers coming from a sizable number of the Canterlot Elite. Most of the middle-class citizens of Canterlot however, allowed their curiosity to take hold as they approached the group to observe them, but still kept their distance in case Gordon turned out to be something potentially dangerous. After a few miles, Celestia guided them down a narrow side street where all of the buildings seemed to be geometrically and architecturally uniform in appearance, each with a hanging wooden sign stamped with three hoof prints. The group was confused when Rarity and Pinkie Pie immediately groaned in annoyance just from the sight of the street.

"Princess? I don't know too much about your city, but isn't your castle the other way?" Gordon questioned.

"And why are we going down Restaurant Row?" Twilight asked.

"All in good time you two," Celestia replied calmly. "I simply wished to show you the first "official" project in fixing the many culinary establishments in Equestria."

"Ugh, fixing THESE restaurants with Gordy is so not going to be fun," Pinkie groaned.

"Gordon Pinkie, but I concur." Rarity agreed. "Gourmand is stubborn, insulting, and prideful beyond all hope Princess."

"Not to mention snooty!" Pinkie complained. "And that glare...."

Pinkie shivered.

"Gourmand?" Gordon asked clearly confused.

"Zesty Gourmand," Twilight replied. "It's a little too complicated to fully explain right now, but let's just say a certain magical source sent Rarity and Pinkie to help one of the restaurant owners around here that we're dealing with a family problem. Or friendship problems as I like to call them. I believe they said that it was a Marwarian restaurant called The Tasty Treat. It didn't change according to what Zesty claimed was perfect cuisine and she gave them zero hoof stamps."

"Hoof stamps?" Gordon asked.

"Do you see these hoof stamps on the signs?"

When Gordon nodded, she continued her explanation.

"Zesty is a restaurant critic that rates each of the restaurants with a certain number of hoof stamps on signs that she has placed on every restaurant here. Much like the star rating system, I believe Earth uses where you come from."

"More or less what America and England use, but I think I can follow. However, I have to ask. Is this Zesty Gourmand the ONLY critic in Canterlot? Cause trusting the word of only one person-er pony is very dangerous in the restaurant business. That's why we have thousands of different people rating food back in America. Gives multiple views on certain restaurants and allows people to make their own decisions."

"Unfortunately yes," Celestia confirmed sounding disheartened. "From what I have been told, most of the professional health inspectors and food critics that were once based here in Canterlot were pulled to the other major cities around Equestria like Vanhoover, Manehatten, and San Palamino by other agencies."

"Forgive me if I'm being rather cross, but I don't buy that Princess. That sounds awfully suspicious." Gordon said. "Agencies from specific cities don't just give up their health inspectors to other cities."

"All the more reason you and Twilight are here to help investigate this Gordon Ramsay. My sister and I can't be everywhere at once and it doesn't help in the slightest that we have to deal with all of our daily royal duties along with trying to properly manage this mysterious famine. On top of all of that, I can't shake the feeling that many of my little ponies have been lying to me about the state of my city."

"Well, I'm not magical, but I will see what I can do to help," Gordon replied confidently. "I will see what I can do about this Zesty Gourmand. After this....feast your sister has been kind enough to put together.

Afterward, Celestia circled back around and guided the group down the correct path and towards the castle. Soon the group finally made it to the castle, where the doors were immediately pulled open as soon as Celestia approached.

The moment they stepped through the front doors of the castle, all of the sound and commotion of Canterlot was replaced entirely with an unsettling silence throughout the castle. While Gordon and his team were marveling at the sheer size and scale of Celestia's home, the princess in question was rolling her eyes and sighing in vague irritation at what was sure to come in a few short minutes. When they finally made their way to the throne room after walking for what seemed like fifteen minutes down a long hallway, they were greeted to a large table that stretched from one end of the throne room to the other, covered in various assortments of food and a certain Princess of the Night waiting for them right in front of it.

"GREETINGS DEAR FRIENDS AND GREETINGS GREAT RAMSAY! Luna bellowed with delight.

She then galloped up to Gordon and proceeded to bellow directly into his face.

"WE WELCOME THEE TO OUR WORLD GREAT ONE, WITH A ROYAL FEAST FOR YOUR BREAK OF FAST!"

"Hot damn!" Gordon shouted as he grabbed his ears. "I think you burst my damn eardrums!"

"Are you alright there pally?" Applejack asked concerned.

"Oh dear, I was afraid of this." Celestia lamented. "Luna! Please lower your voice and don't scream into our guests' ears. You could have hurt him."

"WHAT WAS THAT? OH GOD, I THINK MY EARS ARE FUCKING BLEEDING!"

"Look's like she already did," Rainbow snickered. "Now he knows how I felt last Nightmare Night."

Celestia silenced Rainbow with just a look.

"Oh my goodness!" Luna exclaimed sadly. "We are sorry dear Ramsay. We did not intend to bring harm to thou."

"What was that? Oh good fucking lord, I think my eardrums have burst! Why did you do that?"

"Luna!" Celestia said condescendingly. "What did we say about using the Canterlot Voice?"

"Only use it from a distance" she muttered in a really put-out manner.

"That's right. Now can you please try to refrain from using the Canterlot Voice? I understand wanting to welcome him, but we can't hurt him!"

"Very well," she simply replied. "Allow me then to at least tend to the injuries that I unjustly caused upon him."

Luna's horn glowed blue and two balls of blue light engulfed Gordon's ears.

He wasn't sure what happened, but as soon as Gordon heard the Princess spoke, he thought a bomb had gone off, which caused him to grab his ears in pain. The princesses seemed to be saying something, but he couldn't make it out. Then all of a sudden, the princesses' horn glowed and he felt a soothing warmth go into his ears and tingle around his head. Suddenly, he was able to hear once again.

"Are thou alright now great Ramsay?" Luna asked with concern as she extended a hoof to help him up onto his feet.

"Peachy," Gordon replied dryly. "That's one way to make introductions I suppose."

Gordon grabbed onto her rather soft hoof and was surprised to find out how strong she was, despite her size. He brushed himself off and tucked his shirt back in.

"We are terribly sorry for shouting in your ear. We became too excited."

'Well, at least she's courteous' he thought. 'I guess first impressions aren't everything.

"No permanent harm done thankfully," he replied.

"Didn't the same thing nearly happen to you at Nightmare Night Twilight?" Applejack snickered.

"Good thing my Starswirl hat was in the way..." Twilight replied.

Luna briefly gave an embarrassed look and coughed to regain her composure.

"Allow us to properly introduce ourselves. We are Princess Luna. Guardian of Dreams and Ruler of the Night," she proclaimed.

"A pleasure Princess," Gordon replied as he shook her hoof.

"Now that we have introductions out of the way, why don't we get started with this feast you took the time to put together?" Celestia asked.

With that, Luna directed each member of the rather large group to their own seats at the table. To his confusion, Celestia insisted that Gordon sat in the seat next to her at one of the ends of the table as Luna began to call out other servants. The servant ponies that came out were visibly shaken and nervous about something. They were sweating profusely as they carried trays covered in what appeared to be plates of strangely colored food. As they placed the plates down on the table, they quickly scurried off back to where they came from.

Gordon raised his eyebrow as he was unable to tell what they were just served. What was on the plate nearest to him was a grey blob overfilled to the brim with cheese. Various black specks were sprinkled all over the dish. Presumably, spices had a bad run-in with the unusual blue princess.

"Oh, Lord!" he said in shock as he cautiously poked the entree. "What is this?"

"I believe that would be the dishes you made personally Luna?" Celestia guessed.

"Verily dear sister! Gordon Ramsay! We have seen the Vi-Dee-Ooos of thy exploits in the culinary world and that has inspired us to chase our hobby of cooking in this modern era. Our first break of fast dish that we have made for thou is something we believe thou in America call an Omelette."

He stared at the dish and then back at her for a solid moment with a blank expression, before he finally spoke.

"Well, I can tell you one thing Princess," Gordon slowly replied,

"And what might that be Gordon Ramsay?" Luna asked excited for his answer.

"It definitely has qualities left to be desired. It's like food you would feed a sewer crocodile! I don't know how much pony stomachs can endure, but a human stomach would instantly vomit that backup."

Absolutely everyone in the room went completely silent in disbelief as they were unable to process what he just said to one of their princesses. A pin could almost be heard dropping to the floor. Twilight and the rest of her friends widened their eyes in terror at what they dreaded was about to come next.

"YOU DARE TO MOCK OUR CREATIONS? she screamed in her Canterlot voice.

"Oh dear, now it begins," Celestia lamented.

Next Time: A Royal Kitchen Nightmare part 2

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay, but I think I am finally getting back in the groove of things. Sorry for the weird format. I'm trying to keep chapters under 3,000 words in attempt to get these out a little quicker, so I may have to extend out "episodes" of each Gordon Ramsay caper.

12/7: a few edits and revisions to some of the passages in this chapter

A Royal Kitchen Nightmare part 2

"Go ahead and feast great Ramsay! Test our culinary creations and tell us how skilled we are!" Luna cried confidently to the man in question.

Gordon looked cautiously at the odd-looking dish he was just given and was unsure whether it was safe to eat. The grey blob filled to the brim with vegetables and strangely colored cheese forced him to inquire what he was going to eat before he made himself sick.

'Maybe this is something unique to this world that they make regularly?' he thought hopefully. 'At least it appears she worked hard on making it....maybe?'

"What, if I might ask is this dish that you have made?" Gordon asked Luna.

"Tis our first and greatest breakfast dishes: a Vegetable omelet with sourdough toast."

He raised his eyebrow at her before looking at the dish and then back at her.

"Well there's a bit of a problem with that," Gordon stated.

"....What might that be if I might ask?" Luna asked cautiously.

"It's absolutely dreadful. If I bite into that, it will make me sick," Gordon replied. "It's like a fucking soggy clam that died after being force-fed ten pounds of moldy cheese!"

The entire throne room hallway went so silent that you could hear a pin drop to the floor.

"You..." Luna hissed. "YOU DARE TO MAKE A MOCKERY OF OUR COOKING?"

"Oh, dear....now it begins," Celestia muttered in anticipation.

"WE SHOULD HAVE YOU HUNG BY YOUR LEGS IN THE DUNGEON FOR TALKING TO US IN SUCH A MANNER!"

"Don't scream at me your worship," he replied condescendingly. "I'm just calling it like it is. The greyish-yellow coloring to the eggs is a dead giveaway. You served me fucking rotten food!"

"We cooked thou's food, Ramsay. We did not serve thou rotten food," Luna said back snootily.

"ARE YOU STUPID?" Gordon snapped. as he jumped out of his chair "ROTTEN FOOD IS STILL ROTTEN EVEN WHEN ITS COOKED! YOU USED FUCKING FAULTY INGREDIENTS!!!"

"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU FILTHY HUMAN! WE HAVE SQUASHED STALLIONS BIGGER THAN THOU FOR SAYING SUCH HORRID THINGS TO US!!!"

"I DON'T CARE WHO YOU HAVE SQUASHED PRECIOUS!!! I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH!! THAT's WHY I AM HERE AT ALL!!!"

'This is turning out worse than I thought. Perhaps I should step in before Luna makes with the skeleton removal spell on Gordon,' Celestia thought.

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW OUR ROYAL CHEFS OBTAIN THE FINEST INGREDIENTS IN THE WORLD FOR OUR OWN FOOD YOU FILTHY CRETIN! OUR CREATIONS ARE THE FINEST IN THE LAND!"

Gordon had just about enough of her high and mighty attitude and wasn't going to take it any longer. He slammed his fist on the table and got into her face. She was so surprised at his audacity that she backed up a few feet.

I DON'T GIVE A DONKEY'S FAT FLABBY ARSE IF YOU GET YOUR INGREDIENTS FROM FUCKING THE FUCKING POLAR ICE CAPS OF MARS. YOU COULD LITERALLY KILL PEOPLE WITH FOOD LIKE THIS!!!"

Luna's face seemed to deflate and her expression turned into a look of confusion and fear.

"What?" Luna asked in bewilderment. "W-we....c-could kill ponies with food like this?"

"HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT? ARE YOU STUPID OR ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MEDIEVAL-MINDED TWIT?"

"Well, he's half right on the second one," Rainbow quietly snickered which earned her a smack to the back of the head from Applejack.

"I can't believe this is really happening," Twilight lamented. "Gordon is going to be banished to the moon, or worse."

"I'm more worried about the Princess," Gordon's director Jay chuckled.

"I'm gonna drop by Wade's to get some popcorn and hot sauce, this is getting good!" Pinkie exclaimed quietly as she zipped away to an unknown location.

"Where is your kitchen? I can show you EXACTLY what you have been doing wrong here." Gordon concluded firmly.

After a moment of silence, Luna pointed down one of the hallways and started walking down it, signaling Gordon to follow. With curiosity, everyone in attendance at the feast followed the duo down the hallway and down a corner where they came across one of the largest kitchens that they had ever set their eyes upon. The ceiling was about 30 hooves above them and the length of the kitchen had to be half the size of a hoof ball field. Twilight smiled in remembrance at the tiled room filled with wonderful smells where the Princess would get her snacks as a filly. The counters in the center of the room for preparing food were made out of marble with a swirling white and black pattern. Luna directed Gordon to one of the counters on the other side of the kitchen that seemed to be smoldering with various ingredients and globs of food spread about all over the place. Bits of burnt food could even be seen crusted to the bottoms of the pans and stovetop. Spices of various origins could be seen pouring out all over the counter top presumably after being knocked over by accident.

"Holy crap!" Gordon exclaimed. "This is disgusting!"

"Oh my," Fluttershy gasped. "This is...definitely a bit of a mess."

"It looks like mah own kitchen after Apple Bloom tries to use it herself. Or Rainbows after making spaghetti tacos smothered with liquid rainbow," Applejack quipped.

"Hey! That happened like once!" Rainbow replied jokingly. "Only my ceiling was damaged. The floor just got a small scorch mark."

"I'm afraid Princess I respectfully must concur with Gordon. For the few times I have been in her kitchen when she bakes, even Pinkie knows to thoroughly clean when she makes a mess like this," Rarity agreed.

Gordon went up to the counter and took a peek at the eggs that Luna was using. He picked up one of them and immediately knew what he was dealing with.

"Alright, the first major problem here is these eggs are spoiled!" Gordon cried. "How long have these been out?"

Luna looked down in shame and then picked her head up a little bit to answer him.

"We believe that we may have accidentally kept those out for about a week. I understand those need to be kept frozen?"

"NO, NO, NO, NO, absolutely NOT!" Gordon snapped. "You do not freeze eggs. That will ruin them. You just need to keep them chilled. Now, what about all of these spices?"

Gordon sniffed one of the blackened pans and reared back in disgust.

"Oh, my god. Is that burnt salt and paprika? Why are there layers of burnt spices crusted to the pans?"

"W-we thought we had to put the spices down first before we put the eggs down on the pan," Luna replied timidly.

Gordon slapped his face with the palm of his hand and gave a deep sigh.

"Looks like I have my work cut out for me with this one," he muttered to himself. 'Looks like she's still a bit immature mentally, so I suppose a bit of tact might do her some good.'

Trying to remain as calm as he possibly could, Gordon had Celestia, Twilight, and the other girls help to clean up Luna's mess which surprisingly took them half an hour to complete. Celestia herself chipped in by mopping up the floor which was covered in food and dirt. Then he went over to one of the kitchen's many cupboards to look at the state of their ingredients. He had hoped that their pantries would be of the same pristine state that Twilight's enchanted pantry was. Much to his dismay, he found that the pantry Luna had been getting ingredients from for her personal use was barely holding together.

"This pantry is barely holding together," Gordon said before sticking his hand on the inside to check the temperature. "And it's warm! Don't you realize that food ingredients in a storage place like this will never turn out good?"

Afterward, he pulled out a clean frying pan that was left off to the side and showed Luna how to properly make an omelet. He opened a cupboard and pulled out many ingredients.

"Turn on the heat to medium," he began explaining as he slightly turned the dial on the stove and lit a small flame.

When he saw that Luna understood, he continued.

"Put olive oil into a hot pan and wait for a minute. Then finely chop a few different vegetables."

He grabbed a wooden cutting board and a nearby knife and proceeded to cut the vegetables with pristine skill and speed.

"Then add the chopped tomatoes," he continued as he scraped the tomatoes into the sizzling pan. "Then the spring onions, and proceed to fry them."

He quickly glanced over at the group and saw how mesmerized they were by his demonstration. Even Twilight and Princess Celestia were vigorously scribbling down notes into notepads they had materialized. When he saw that Luna was listening, he went on to the next step.

"Now, here's the kicker," he said to her. "LIGHTLY season the frying veggies with salt and pepper. Too much will overwhelm the food you are cooking."

He grabbed two nearby salt and pepper grinders that she had been using and gave each grinder a few good twists to lest out a modest amount of salt and pepper before setting them aside.

"Usually, I would have used prawns in this recipe, but since we have a vegetarian audience here, I'm gonna have to use something else."

Gordon heard Fluttershy whimper in distress at the mention of cooking prawns. He had heard from Twilight about her sensitivity towards harming any kind of creature.

'Perhaps I should have a calm chat with her later,' Gordon thought.

"However, I can still make do," Gordon continued as he grabbed a pinch of red pepper flakes and sprinkled them all over the other ingredients.

He then grabbed a carton of eggs from a cooled pantry nearby, a medium-sized bowl, and a metal whisk.

"Next you beat four eggs and then heat another frying pan with olive oil. Then when it is heated up enough, pour in the eggs and wait a few seconds to let it firm up."

For the next step, he grabbed a fistful of an herb from a bag beneath the counter and a spatula for the pan.

"Sprinkle on freshly chopped oregano, which works brilliantly with eggs. And then carefully spoon over the spicy vegetable mix, before folding one side over to the other to make a great omelet".

He carefully folded the omelet in half and placed it on a plate. To top off his creation, he placed a small piece of parsley to decorate the dish.

"And finished," Gordon said as he pulled out a handful of forks from one of the drawers.

He then placed them on the table and motioned for the group of ponies to come over and each has a single bite. To which, they all proceeded to do. Luna levitated the fork and gingerly took a small piece of the omelet. They bit down on their pieces and slowly chewed, allowing the flavor to sink in. Immediately after swallowing, they all burst into faces of pure bliss. Several pleasant groans could be heard coming from each of them as if they had just been given the most wonderful massage in the world.

"Excellent Gordon, absolutely excellent," Celestia chimed.

"That was absolutely divine Chef Ramsay!" Rarity happily exclaimed.

"Oh, dear Celestia, that was amazing!" Twilight added.

"Wow, that was awesome!," Rainbow agreed. "Got any more?"

Everyone else had their own response to Gordon's excellent cooking. Which caused Luna to slowly make her way over to Gordon and get on her forelegs into what Gordon could tell was probably their version of a bow.

"Mighty Ramsay! We beg of thee!" Luna meekly cried. "Accept us as thy student in the ways of the culinary. Thou have proven thy mastery over us."

"Now hold on a moment," Gordon interrupted. "I don't have mastery over you princess. However, I believe I might be able to come over from time to time to...instruct you on how to cook properly. If that is alright Princess Celestia."

"I think that is a lovely idea, Gordon!" Celestia said. "I think we both would like a proper teacher around here."

"We are honored to be accepted by a glorious individual such as yourself Gordon Ramsay," Luna said as she was still kneeling.

'Jeez, this woman needs to calm the fuck down and loosen up a little bit,' he thought.

Instantly, a loud gurgling could be heard from everyone's stomach present in the room. Which caused them all to laugh.

"We got so caught up watching Gordon's lesson that we forgot to eat our breakfast," Twilight said sheepishly.

"What a shame," Rarity lamented. "All of the food has probably gone cold by now."

"Aw, I hate puttin good food to waste," Applejack said with a depressed tone. "Especially the food yer own wonderful chefs made Princess Celestia."

"Oh, don't worry Applejack, things happen. We can just have them make more. And I think I know what we should have them make," Celestia said thoughtfully. "Chef Buck! Can you and your chefs come in here please?"

Then all of a sudden, an aging unicorn stallion with a grey mane and yellow fur galloped into the kitchen accompanied by a group of chef stallions and mares.

"What may I do for you your highness?" the chef asked.

"This is the famous human chef Gordon Ramsay," Celestia explained while pointing to the human with her hoof. "He has a recipe that I want you to make for all of us for breakfast. I would like you to listen to him. If that is alright with the two of you."

"I don't see why not," the elderly stallion replied as he walked up to Gordon and shook his hand. "Whether pony, human, or any race, It is always nice to exchange knowledge from fellow culinary artists."

"Likewise," Gordon replied respectfully. "I'll do what I can to help. Just make sure your team pays close attention. I go a little fast sometimes."

While Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and the others went back into the throne room where Luna had set up their dining table, Gordon quickly repeated the recipe that he had shown Luna. It wasn't long before dozens of plates came out and replaced everyone's cold meal with a fresh, hot one. Gordon came out with his own and set it down where he was sitting.

"Now that we are all here," Celestia started. "Why don't we enjoy ourselves? Let's eat!"

Then suddenly, a familiar pink pony popped into the room out of thin air.

"Earth!" Twilight exclaimed. "Pinkie! Where have you been? You missed Gordon's demonstration and Luna's learning moment."

"Nuh-uh," Pinkie jokingly replied. "I was up in the rafters eating my friend Wade's specialty wasabi popcorn watching the show! His cable was bad at his apartment, so I came back to see the hi-def version."

"What in all things apple orchards are you talking about girl, and who in Sam Hill is this friend of yers anyhow sugar?" Applejack asked with her eyebrow raised.

"He's a sneaky red ninja who's currently voicing a yellow mouse who's addicted to coffee and shoots lightning out of his butt," Pinkie nonchalantly replied with a large smile plastered all over her face.

"Woman, I have known mental cases more understandable than you," Gordon said.

"I don't know what that means, but I'll say thanks anyway!" Pinkie replied.

"Uggghhh"

Next Time on Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures:
Casing a Gourmand part 1

Author's Note

Alright, I am very sorry for the late release date with this one folks. A lot of weird life circumstances have been getting in the way.

This is still an experimental fic, so I can't guarantee it will be a success or a failure, but I hope you all have fun with it, that's what I want from all of my fics. A sense of fun and wonder.

As always, let me know if there are any grading grammar errors.

Casing a Gourmand

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay guys. Midterms, chores, and projects messed with my writing schedule a lot. I hope this helps to tide you over before I officially start on Gordon's first official Kitchen Nightmare in Equestria. Now that I have a lot of time on my hands for the moment, I should be getting the next chapter out in the next few days.

I will edit and proofread from time to time, just in case there are any grading errors I might have missed.

Casing a Gourmand

After their eventful breakfast made better by Chef Ramsay's timely intervention, Celestia led Gordon, Twilight, and the rest of their large visiting group down the many halls of Castle Canterlot and into a large study filled with many bookshelves and a large coffee table where they could all sit together and discuss Gordon's first official job in the land of Equestria and what it will entail. Unfortunately, because of their numbers, people and ponies were forced to squish together into couches and love seats. Spike was forced to share one with Gordon, which he didn't mind as long as Spike managed to keep his spines and spinal scales to himself. Celestia and Luna however had their own personal cushions colored with their signature color schemes to sit down upon. The rest of Gordon's production crew seemed comfortable enough just sitting down on the luxurious carpet that adorned the floor of the study.

"Now, let's get down to business now that we are all comfortable. At least, mostly comfortable," Celestia lightly giggled into her hoof as she watched Pinkie wiggling in between Applejack and Rarity.

"Verily sister. I am assuming dear Twilight told thee of Equestria's unusual plight Ramsay?" Luna asked the man.

"In extensive detail, I can assure you, your majesty," Gordon replied with a chuckle as he saw Twilight's death glare from the corner of his eye. "From what I can gather, ponies are coming down with serious rare diseases in your hotels, resorts, and restaurants, and nobody knows exactly why?"

"That is correct, Gordon," Celestia replied. "This has been going on for a few months now and I am ashamed to admit that we are completely stumped. Which is why we came to you asking for your help."

"And from what I understand, this Zesty Gourmand is linked to the outbreak here in Canterlot?" Gordon asked.

"That's what has been reported yes," Celestia said. "I have tried quite a few times to investigate Miss Gourmand's establishments but I have been unable to get anywhere. She can be quite......difficult at times."

"Oh, you don't need to sugarcoat it, your majesty. Zesty Gourmand is a stubborn, opinionated, and quite shortsighted mare." Rarity said sternly. "She was quite rude to our dear Marebai friend Saffron."

"Oh, that's right!," Twilight said. "We weren't there with you during that friendship mission, so the rest of us still need to meet her."

"Marebai?" Gordon whispered to Twilight.

"I believe your world's equivalent would be India," Twilight whispered back.

"What's fuckin next? Vanhoover? Los Pegasus? Fillydelphia? Trottingham? Coltumbus?."

She giggled nervously back at him as she tried to let the subject quietly die before Gordon unleashed his rage on her.

"So, what do you need for your evaluation Chef Ramsey?" Celestia asked.

Gordon crossed his legs and put his hand up to his chin.

"Well, the first thing we need to do is send a message to Miss Gourmand. I'd rather let my clients know they I am coming. That way I can properly meet them, and try to see if the problem is with the owner, staff, manager, or all of the above," Gordon explained.

"Well, I can certainly do that," Celestia replied. "One of my guards can bring a message directly from me to her very easily."

"Next thing would be to send a few of my team to set up the cameras in her main restaurant a few days before I head on over. The reason for that being, I believe Twilight wanted me to bring my show over here as well. Something about slowly introducing Equestria to humans?" Gordon said as he gave Twilight a sideways look

"We can certainly arrange that," Luna replied. "Better yet, I will accompany your cameramen to Gourmand's restaurant. I am curious about the many electronics of Earth. We can also bring the message of your arrival"

"Ever since Twilight's human friend got you that Playstation 4 I believe it's called, you've been obsessed with human technology," Celestia giggled.

Luna humphed and crossed her hooves in an indignant manner which made all of the other ponies laugh.

"Can we please show Gordy The Tasty Treat before he goes to that meanie's restaurant Twilight? Can we huh? Can we? Can we? Can we?" Pinkie begged with her eyes becoming as big as dinner plates.

"Only if it's okay with Gordon," Twilight replied as she rolled her eyes.

"I don't see why not. Doing a small bit of sightseeing before doing my first Nightmare here might help me get my bearings in this crazy world."

"That might be a bit of a problem Gordon," Gordon's director Jay said. "I don't know about you, but I don't think these ponies have electrical outlets for us to charge our stuff."

Jay explained to him how they have been filming everything since they arrived in Equestria and that caused most of their equipment's power to be spent very quickly.

"May I see your equipment?" Celestia asked. "I believe I may have a solution to your problem Mr. Hunter

"I don't see why not," Jay replied in an interested manner to see what Celestia had in mind.

He had the other crew members approach Celestia and Luna so that they could get a closer look. They ignited her horn with golden and deep blue glows respectively and touched their horns to their cameras. The other crew members winced, believing they might be burned by the blinding light that followed. Their equipment was instantly illuminated in the same glow as their power was instantly restored. She then took her horn off and allowed them to open their eyes again.

"Now you can have your cameras on for as long as you want. I made them solar-powered, so you shouldn't have to worry about losing any power," she explained.

"And we made your cameras waterproof and Lunar powered. That way you may use them at night if you so wish," Luna explained. "Though, I do implore you to respect our ponies' privacy and not record anything without their consent first. And if we request of you to turn off your equipment, I ask of you to please comply with our wishes."

"Fair enough I suppose."

Afterward, Luna took Jay and a few more members of Gordon's crew members with her to Zesty Gourmand's main restaurant. Gordon stayed behind to be shown around the city by Twilight and two of her other friends. Rarity took the rest of the group to the Shopping District to blow some bits.

As Gordon and the rest of their group walked through Canterlot, Twilight noticed how many different kinds of looks were being sent in their direction.

Many a noble was aghast at the newly crowned Princess Twilight's appearance in Canterlot without their prior knowledge.

Rarity warned her that the nobility of Canterlot most likely considered her to be appetizingly malleable this early into her princess hood compared to the more experienced Royal Sisters. If they had their way, Twilight would be spending days on end listening to petty problems, going to parties with ponies she didn't know, and dealing with slimy stallions trying to win her hoof in marriage.

Thankfully, Twilight was saved by this horrible fate by the terrifying and--if the upper-crust of Canterlot was being honest-- ugly Minotaur-like thing that she was leading through the city.

Ponies couldn’t help but gasp whenever the princess, her little dragon pet/servant, and the monster passed, instantly turning toward their fellow noble to gossip about this scandal.

How could Princess Twilight besmirch her name and the name of her fellow princesses by associating with such a beast?! Had it done something to her mind?

No, some insisted, the Princess must be bringing this creature into their fair city for some noble purpose.

Maybe it was some kind of new species that she wanted Canterlot’s greatest minds to study, maybe she was bringing it in as a prisoner to face the justice of some unknown crime, or maybe it was going to be the newest addition to the city’s zoo; these and many other theories--some of the ridiculous, some even more ridiculous-- were tossed around by almost every pony in the city.

"Why am I getting these looks Twilight?" Gordon asked. "Normally I wouldn't give a damn what somebody thought about me, but we were all together for the whole morning in front of thousands of these ponies and no one reacted in the slightest.

"Don't worry about it Gordon, they do it to us too." Applejack said noticing the stares.

"Too bad; They probably don't know how awesome we are." Rainbow lamented. "And after all of the butt-kicking, we had to do to save their flanks again and again."

"Most noble ponies-or at least those who like to consider themselves to be, don't really register a lot in the morning until 10 o clock rolls around," Twilight explained humorously. "I've grown pretty used to it while growing up here."

Their first destination was to a place that Twilight felt like she had an obligation to see every time she visited Canterlot. It was a three-story building that Twilight knew all so well. Comfortable and friendly, but surprisingly modest compared with the other mansions on the block. An assortment of multi-colored Cacti adorned one of the first-story windowsills facing the street. As Twilight approached Gordon, she sighed in vague irritation.

"I'm sorry Gordon, I just need to get this over with before we can move on with our tour. If I don't I won't ever hear the end of it from her," Twilight cryptically stated.

"No worries, my first Kitchen Nightmare doesn't happen until I hear back from Jay. Do what you need to do. Seeing any of this place is completely fine by me." Gordon replied.

Little did he know, a pair of eyes widened with glee as they stared out at the group in front of the door. Suddenly, the door exploded outwards, revealing a white, middle-aged unicorn mare with white and purple hair looking at the three with child-like excitement.

"TWITTER BUG! SPIKEY POO!" the mare exclaimed.

Gordon, Rainbow, and AJ watched on in amusement as Twilight and Spike tried to book it to escape their love-starved mother. Getting into an adorable little pouncing stance and sticking her tongue out in concentration, the mare was gone with a pop, appearing beside Spike one second-- grabbing the now squealing dragon-- before teleporting right in front of Twilight. The purple mare in question groaned in anticipation of what was inevitably coming.

Gordon bit back a snort as the mare wrapped Twilight and Spike into a bone-crushing hug, rocking them back and forth. “Oh, my babies! Why haven’t you come to see me? Why don’t you write more often? Don’t you love your mother?!”

“We...were….here…*urk*....other….day!” Spike wheezed, trying to free himself while the mare nuzzled his cheek.

"I just love seeing you two!" the mare exclaimed.

“Why do you look so skinny, Twilypoo? Have you been eating enough?”

“Mom! Let go of me, we’re in public for Celestia’s sake!”

“Mom, I can’t breathe!”

“And look at you, Spike! Oh, my little drake’s getting so big!”

Gordon heard a throaty chuckle coming from just inside the house, and, turned around, he saw another pony standing in the open doorway, this time a deep blue unicorn stallion. “Velvet will never change,” the stallion muttered, mostly to himself.

After watching the three for a few seconds, he trotted up to Gordon and extended one of his hooves.

"Hello there," the stallion said graciously. "You must be the human Chef Ramsay that we have been hearing a lot about."

"I presume you are Twilight's dad?" Gordon asked as he reciprocated the hoof shake.

"That's right."

"A pleasure Mr. Sparkle. Your daughter has been quite delightful since I met her a week ago." Gordon pleasantly replied.

"I'm glad. She can be a handful sometimes, but she is a well-meaning girl. And call me Night Light Chef."

"Alright. Nice to meet you Night Light," Gordon replied.

“Velvet, sweetie,” he called, getting Velvet’s attention. “Why don’t you leave those kids of yours alone and come and meet our famous house guest!”

To Gordon and Night’s amusement, Velvet turned a bright shade of pink with embarrassment as she let her children go-- Twilight and Spike hitting the ground and gasping for breath, thanking every deity that they could for their father’s quick-thinking-- and made her way over to Gordon, who smiled politely at the mare.

"Hello ma'am," Gordon said as he bent over slightly and stretched out his hand to her. "Very nice to meet you. I've heard quite a few things about you from your daughter."

The mare smiled bashfully at him. “And you heard only good things, I hope,” she replied with a giggle.

"Oh absolutely."

For the next two hours, Twilight, Gordon, AJ, and Rainbow visited with Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle and talked to each other about things that have been happening. Rainbow Dash and Twilight took pride in talking about all they had seen while in the human world.

Meanwhile, Luna and Gordon's director Jay Hunter were busy scouting Zesty Gourmand's main restaurant at the end of Restaurant Row: Subtilité Du Goût

Luna never really liked it when most of the attention was on her, so it was to her delight that along with a small squad of guards, she was also accompanied by a group of humans who drew most of the attention away from her. As they approached the doors, Luna came to a halt and turned back to the other humans.

"Jay Hunter, we request of you and the rest of thou's crew to remain here until we inform Miss Gourmand of the situation and call you in," Luna commanded.

"Alright, well be waiting out here," he replied nervously as he looked at some of the other noble ponies staring at them with foul gazes.

Luna gave him a small mischievous smile.

"Don't worry, Jay Hunter. All these ponies are capable of doing is flinging crumpets in thou's faces. But I will leave one of my guards out here to keep you safe. You three stay out here as well until we have finished speaking to Miss Gormand," Luna said as she acknowledged the girls.

"Okie Dokie lokie!"

"Alright, just come back out if you need any help," Fluttershy kindly replied.

"I'm not complaining. I'm in no hurry to see that mare again" Rarity replied spitefully

The moment Luna went inside the doors, all sounds in the restaurant went silent. The guard pony accompanying Luna stepped forward to announce her.

"Announcing, Princess Luna!"

Every pony in the restaurant was stunned at the recluse princess making a public appearance. Even the host pony at the front door's podium was stunned for a moment before he regained his composure.

"H-how may I help you your excellency?" the pony asked nervously.

"We wish to speak to Zesty Gourmand about a matter of great importance. Please summon her." Luna commanded.

"A-At once, your majesty," the host pony said as he gave her a quick bow and ran off somewhere.

After a few minutes of waiting in awkward silence in the restaurant, a tall, thin middle-aged pony with a vibrant neon pink mane of short length came out of a side room with a stiff stride. As soon as she saw Luna, she quickened her pace and approached her. She then gave a deep dipping bow to her.

"Princess Luna. It is a great pleasure to welcome you to my humble eatery." the high-pitched mare said. "How may I be of service?"

"We are assuming that thou knows of the unusual crisis plaguing many of Equestria's numerous businesses?"

"Yes, it is an unfortunate thing," Zesty replied stiffly. "Rest assured, we are faring as well as we can despite the crisis."

"We have been informed by our sister that your restaurant was also plagued by this unusual crisis as well, and we have come to relieve you of this unfortunate circumstance," Luna explained.

"Yes, the Princess came by not long ago to investigate my restaurant and I will tell you just as I told her your grace, that I have everything quite under control--"

"Please Zesty Gourmand, don't insult my intelligence," Luna replied sternly. "As Princess of the Night it is my duty to watch over the dreams of all the ponies of Equestria and intervene whenever they grow dark and your dreams have become dark as well. Sometimes, that even includes peering into their thoughts and memories. I know that there is more than what you have told my sister."

Both mares glared at each other for ten seconds, not giving an inch. Then, the tall, thin mare deflated slightly but still kept her stiff posture.

"Very well your highness." the mare grumbled. "What would you have me do then? I am at a complete loss as to what is happening with my restaurant. I've been attempting to get the other noble ponies to assist me with this matter, but it seems that most of them are indisposed at the moment."

"Our newest alicorn sister Princess Twilight Sparkle has summoned a great sage of the culinary arts from the planet Earth. The mighty Chef Gordon Ramsay. He is a human of many accomplishments including saving thousands of establishments, becoming what Twilight calls a "wealthy Bright-ish celli-britty," and owns thousands of restaurants and hotels across his entire world that millions of his own people believe to be among the best. Twilight has brought him over to assist ponies such as thee with this plight overtaking fair Equestria."

"A disgusting white ape-like the one Princess Twilight keeps around with her coming into my restaurant and tainting it even more with its presence? I think not. And you have no right to tell me what to do--

"ZESTY GOURMAND!" Luna roared in her Canterlot Voice. "DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME LOWLY CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS! AND DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF INSULTING OUR HUMAN FRIENDS, PEASANT COOK. GORDON IS NOT HERE TO HARM YOU!"

Everyone, including Zesty Gourmand herself, seemed to shrink away from Luna as a giant magical aura radiated from her and made the room seem darker with her presence. Even her own personal guard stepped away from a few paces from the mare. Then as she calmed down, the light in the room began to return and the dark aura retreated into Luna's body.

"Gordon Ramsay is here to help you Zesty Gourmand." she finished in a more kind voice.

The mare in question slowly recovered from her shock as she stood up and finally regained her composure.

"Very well your Majesty," the mare finally replied. "What do you require of me?"

"First things first, we shall bring in Gordon's production team to set up cameras in your restaurant. I believe they are for recording all of what goes on inside and to create an episode of his educational show that involves displaying how he returns various hotels and restaurants to their former glory."

"Interesting...."

She went outside with her guard for a moment and called Jay Hunter and the rest of Gordon's production crew into the restaurant. A few of the ponies were apprehensive of the humans, but most of them were more curious of them and what the purpose of their "strange black boxes with glass" was. Then Jay and Luna spoke with Zesty about the things that she should be aware of with the process of setting up the show. Zesty Gourmand at first objected to the bold idea of giving Gordon whatever he wanted to try for free but was assured that Luna and Celestia would pay for any expenses.

Next time: The First Nightmare in Canterlot part 1

The First Nightmare part 1

Author's Note

Here in this chapter, I am going to experiment with the mini "interview" segments of the Kitchen Nightmares episodes where the film crew cuts to individual segments of the chef and his/her staff talking about what is happening in a given situation. Tell me if it works or if there is a better way I can incorporate it.

Give me any suggestions to better each "episode" in the fic if you want to. I always appreciate the help.

This is still an extremely experimental fic, so I'm still trying out what works and what doesnt work so be a little gentle with me.

The First Nightmare part 1

Meanwhile, back at the Sparkle house, Gordon was becoming quite the popular one as he gave them another demonstration of his skills as a chef by making lunch. It seemed that Night Light was quite impressed with Gordon as he began to mimic Twilight by pulling out a notepad and furiously scribbled down everything that he saw Gordon doing. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were thoroughly amused by how similar the unicorn and former unicorn acted. Spike on the other hand was indisposed as Velvet insisted on bathing the little drake and dressing him in a tiny tuxedo after she heard they were all going to Restaurant Row; Much to Spike's dismay and Twilight's amusement.

After their social visit to her parents, Twilight and the rest of their little group went around to a few of the more upscale sights of Canterlot to get Gordon a bit more acquainted with the place. At Gordon's request, Twilight helped him speak to some of the local ponies to get the local scoop on Zesty Gourmand's restaurant. Twilight set up a small booth in the Plains District on the outer section of the city. They found from many of Canterlot's more sociable residents that Zesty Gourmand's style of mostly tasteless food with poor portions drove away most of the normal tourists and residents who weren't in the upper class. Lately, however, even she had trouble keeping her own customers in the nobility coming to her restaurant, though nopony was entirely sure why.

After a few hours of investigating, the group decided to head back to the castle for the night. They made their way back into the Royal District and entered once again into the Royal Palace. Inside, Twilight then guided the group into the dining room where they found the Royal Sisters and the rest of their human and pony friends occupying seats at the very large table going up and down the center of the room, and joined them.

"Everything goes smoothly Jay? Luna?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, we did alright all things considered," Jay replied.

"Verily. Other than a fool that temporarily needed my wrath to see reason--" Luna started.

"Luna, don't tell me you paralyzed another pony," Celestia asked humorously.

"Not...this time sister. We simply stamped our authority on the fool verbally with our Canterlot Voice. It seems that their fear of it has brought me more than one benefit in this modern age. Zesty Gourmand was just as difficult as Lady Rarity described her to be and I fear you may be facing great peril, Sir Gordon. We do not wish harm to befall thee this soon into thou's exploits around Equestria."

Gordon simply smiled at her for her thoughtfulness. It was vaguely strange for him to relax so casually with and talk with what was essentially royalty in this manner. It was rather refreshing to him to talk so casually with a member of royalty in this way. He remembers the times when he has cooked for the Kremlin, The White House, and Buckingham Palace, but he never got the chance to actually sit down with the President of the Queen and just talk with them like this.

"You just let me worry about that your Majesty," Gordon said. "Though, I will admit that this does put a bit of a twist on how I usually do my show."

The next morning, Princess Celestia had arranged for a few of the castle servants to wash Gordon's clothes along with all of his team so that they could look presentable for the public. While they were doing this, they each had the opportunity to wash off in one of the castle's thousand shower rooms which they greatly appreciated. After two days of running around, and falling into the dirt after their haphazard teleportation into Equestria, they were glad to get the chance to clean themselves.

After a quick breakfast with Celestia and the other girls, Gordon finally set off with his team, accompanied by Rarity and Twilight to Zesty Gourmand's main restaurant to begin his three-day process of changing it into something people and ponies alike can enjoy dining at. The other girls stayed behind, as requested by the Princess so that they can attend a friendship summit to meet Prince Blackthorn of the Woodland White Tails.

They had made it halfway to Zesty's Subtilité Du Goût when Gordon started thinking of a few more things that he wanted to inquire the girls about before they get started.

"I don't think I've asked yet Miss Rarity. Since you know her a bit better than I do, didn't you say that Zesty was just a food critic initially?"

"Yes, that's right. Before, she was primarily Canterlot's top food critic." Rarity explained. "Those hoof prints on those hanging signs you saw the other day were proof of that. The fate of every restaurant in this town used to depend on Zesty's evaluation of it. I used to think that system separated the rabble from the quality eateries, but dear Saffron proved me wrong."

"What happened?" Gordon asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Ms. Gourmand made the critiquing business into too much of a monopoly." she continued. "When ponies took the time to try out the restaurants she critiqued and forced into changing, every restaurant on the row began to be shut down, and her reputation was ruined. It serves her right. We used to be somewhat close acquaintances, but after she insulted me and my friends, she lost that privilege."

"From what I understand, the Princess had to call in somepony named Chef Wolfgang Buck from Manehatten to fix everything and assign new restaurants to the Row," Twilight finished for her. "Now Chef Buck is the premier chef here in Canterlot."

"I still can't get over the fact my colleagues have doppelgangers with fuckin ridiculous names here," he muttered. "I can only imagine what kind of name my doppelganger has or what he looks like."

Twilight and Rarity looked at each other and giggled sheepishly.

"Don't tell him yet," Twilight whispered to Rarity who nodded violently.

Without Celestia and Luna dissuading them from approaching, reporters and various upper-class citizens tried to swarm them, asking various questions and giving Twilight petty requests. They decided to take a less conspicuous route to their destination. Dodging and ducking through the side roads of Canterlot, the group eventually made it back to the bustling Restaurant Row. At the end of the street, Gordon came face to face with Zesty Gourmand's premier eatery.

"Well, let's see what I am getting myself into," he said to himself as he went through the front door.

At the front counter was a unicorn mare that didn't appear to be that much older than Twilight. She had a lemon yellow coat of fur and a cyan mane with white high lights. As soon as she saw Twilight and Rarity alongside Gordon coming through the front door, she jumped in surprise before calming herself down.

"Princess Twilight! Lady Rarity!" the mare exclaimed. "How may I help you? May I get you a table here?"

"No thank you, we are simply here to help our friend here with whatever he needs." Twilight respectfully declined.

Gordon stepped forward and outstretched one of his hands in a friendly gesture.

"Hello there miss, I'm the chef that was called by your princesses. Gordon Ramsay."

For a moment, he expected the mare to shrink away and cower in a corner, but she then immediately stuck her hoof in his hand and shook it vigorously. A bright smile adorned her face while she was doing it which Gordon reciprocated.

"Thank you very much for coming Chef Ramsay! I'm Lemon Drop. I am the manager and hostess of the restaurant," she explained.

"Very lovely to meet you miss Lemon Drop," Gordon replied. "I can tell you that the appearance of your restaurant makes for a good first impression. It's very....clean at least.

"We very much appreciate it," Lemon Drop said happily. "We take pride in the appearance of our eatery."

"If it's not too much trouble, may I meet the famous Miss Gourmand I have been hearing about?" Gordon asked kindly.

"Absolutely! Please give me a moment and I shall have her here momentarily."

The mare gave Twilight a quick bow and then moved off somewhere else for a moment to bring in Zesty.

Meanwhile, Gordon took another look at the surrounding restaurant and scanned its overall decor and appearance.

Twilight was watching him and scribbling down everything that Gordon did in one of her notebooks for future reference.

"So what are you doing now Gordon?" Twilight asked quizzically.

"I'm observing the overall look and decor of the restaurant," he replied. "The look of a restaurant is very important to draw the attention of potential customers."

"I didn't know it was that important." she thought out loud.

"Of course. Much like the dresses Ms. Rarity makes, the design of a restaurant has a subconscious impact on potential customers." Gordon explained. "The color of the restaurant has to not only appeal to the customer, but it also has to coincide with the genre of the food they are serving. For example, a lot of fast-food restaurants where I come from using the color red. For whatever reason, red increases people's heart rates and makes them hungry quicker, eat quickly and leave quickly so that more customers can fill up the restaurant. Different colors do different things to people. Sometimes they are good, and sometimes they are bad for a restaurant depending on how much of a certain color you use."

"I think I understand darling," Rarity nodded. "The same thing certainly applies when I make clothing. Certain colors go well with the fur color of specific ponies and others don't."

"And does Zesty's restaurant have that problem?" Twilight asked. "It seems like the colors here are kinda on the dulled outside."

"Heavily," he agreed with irritation. "A light color scheme like this, when used properly, is great for small, I repeat SMALL upscale bistros and casual eateries, to make them look clean and relaxing, but here there's too much of it. It makes everything look sterile."

Suddenly, a grey-colored mare with a bright pink mane came walking out of a side room with Lemon Drop in tow. In an instant, Gordon could see how overly confident this mare was just by her stride and her stiff posture. As soon as she set her eyes upon Gordon, the mare put on a forced smile in a vain attempt to be welcoming.

"Ah, Princess Twilight," the mare said as she approached her and gave her a short bow. "It is a great pleasure to have you grace my humble eatery with your presence. You....as well Monsieur Ramsay."

Zesty gave Rarity a sideways glare causing Rarity to give an indignant and audible "Hmph!" as she turned her head away in disgust.

"A pleasure Miss Gourmand," he respectfully greeted as he shook her hoof.

She raised her eyebrow for a moment at the gesture but respectfully returned it.

"Why don't we find somewhere to sit so I can get a more proper grasp of what is going on from the owners themselves?" Gordon suggested.

"A reasonable request Monsieur Chef Ramsay. I will show you to one of my premium booths so we may speak," Zesty replied haughtily. "Come Lemon Drop."

"Right away Madam," Lemon nervously said.

Zesty guided Gordon, Twilight, Spike, and Rarity to the back of the restaurant where a large round white table with an oversized plush bench circulated the booth. Gordon's group sat down next to each other on one end of the table while Zesty and Lemon Drop sat down at the other end.

In Zesty Gourmand's office

"One thing about Zesty that I have always struggled with is that she has an inability to change from her past life as a critic," Lemon said to her interviewer. "It has absolutely hindered things for us."

"How much did you spend while bringing this restaurant to life?" Gordon asked.

"The full amount that went into bringing my vision here to life added up to three and a half million bits Mr. Ramsay, though I don't understand why that should matter."

'Damn! And I've seen these bits that they are talking about. They're pure gold and about the size of a quarter. With the going rate of gold in the U.S at the moment, three million of those bits comes out to a little over $728 million back on Earth!' he thought to himself. 'I can see why these ponies don't just let anyone come here'

"Well the success of a restaurant ultimately depends on how much profit you earn back from how much it took to build it and the love of your customers so that they come back." he finally replied. "What kinds of problems do you think your business has that might hinder that?"

"Nothing in my restaurant is the problem, Monsieur Ramsay. These heathen ponies simply do not appreciate the subtle tastes of art that I offer at my eatery. If it were not for a certain group of ponies, my restaurant would have gained the title of the best restaurant on the row," she proclaimed.

During all of this, Gordon noticed how silent Spike and the girls were being while he was speaking with Zesty.

"Well, I'd say that's a pretty bold statement," Gordon replied. "I think we shall order some lunch now if that's alright. Then I will make my judgments or praises from there."

Zesty Gourmand simply nodded and clapped, signaling Lemon Drop to follow her away from their table and off to wherever their kitchen was located.

"So. What do you two think?" Gordon asked the three.

"All I know about this place is what I heard from Pinkie," Spike replied.

"Zesty Gourmand is just causing all of these problems herself." Rarity snootily replied. "She makes mistakes and throws her toxic attitude at everypony else."

"Rarity, we all know your clothes are always beautiful. Don't let that get to you. I will say that it seems like Lemon Drop probably has something to say about all of this. You should probably get her side of the story."

"Oh, believe me, I will," Gordon agreed. "That poor girl seemed to be deathly afraid of her boss. I'm gonna have to see if we can talk to her while Miss Gourmand is not around. Let's just hope we can survive whatever our server brings us to eat."

The First Nightmare part 3

Things were definitely not going well at all for Gordon, Rarity, Twilight, and Spike at Zesty Gourmand's new restaurant in Canterlot. After being given the cold shoulder by Zesty herself and seeing the poor restaurant color scheme that seemed to be driving away customers, the four decided to try the food. Their first dishes ended in complete disaster as Gordon and Rarity found their food to not only be over beaten but also overcooked. Princess Twilight and Spike got the worst of it as the dishes they ordered were so hard to chew that they nearly choked had Gordon and their waitress Senko had not quickly intervened. After the crisis had been averted, Gordon inspected his first dish even further and found clumps of charcoal accidentally mixed into the food. When Lemon Drop and her boss Zesty Gourmand found out about this, they were absolutely livid with their cooking staff.

"He found clumps of what looks like charcoal in his food. CHARCOAL!" Lemon Drop angrily said to the cooks. "It made the food all grungy and nasty!"

"I am not usually willing to speak candidly like this in most situations, but since Her Majesty Princess Luna commanded that we speak with you, I suppose there is no hiding anything Monsieur interviewer," Zesty said to the cameramen interviewing her. "I will give them another chance with this next round of dishes. However, if I see another bungle of that magnitude from them, I will make it my life's work to ruin their lives.

In the kitchen, the head chef Flambe Briquette and his right-hand sous chef Slap Chop were in the process of completing the next dishes for their prestigious guests to taste and hopefully give high praises to. The rest of their staff were keeping busy with dishes for the few other high-class and well-off middle-class customers that bothered to come to Zesty's restaurant.

Lemon Drop quickly came back out with their dishes and proceeded to place them on each side of the table.

"Chef Ramsey and Miss Rarity, here we have a Petite Tarte à l'ail et aux agrumes avec Pesto for you, and for you my Lord Spike and my Lady Twilight, we have a Tarte Jonquille et Lilly à la vinaigrette aux mûres."

"Finally! Something recognizable!" Spike exclaimed annoyed.

"Well with ours, that is up for debate Spike, my lad." Gordon dryly retorted.

There were two distinct things that he noticed about this dish when he laid his eyes upon it, the first being that he found a few little pieces of an unknown substance that he tossed into his napkin.

"Little yellow bits and crap like that..." he muttered.

The second being that his dish was swimming in an unnecessary amount of whatever sauce the chefs poured all over it.

"Why is it absolutely drowning in this fucking sauce? Sweet shit!" he exclaimed.

"The last time I had this much sauce on my plate it was at Twilight's parents' house!" Rarity added. "Velvet's pasta primavera is to die for, but it's a little overwhelming with its portions."

Lemon noticed it too as she put on a morose face.

"Ugh, I'm afraid I'm unable to answer that present chef," she replied sadly.

Gordon tried to see if the taste would mask the bad overall appearance of the dish as he cut off a piece of the food with his knife and proceeded to chew on it. His face contorted into a look that Lemon immediately knew was bad.

"Ugh, shit. It tastes like baby vomit mixed with sour candy! That is all just gross. Does the chef not cook all this themselves?"

"We have.....inconsistencies." Lemon Drop admitted.

Back in the kitchen, one of the chefs realized that he had made a grave mistake when it came to prepping their dishes.

"Hey Slap Chop, I think I should have grabbed the Tarte Pesto that we cooked this morning."

"Why do you say that?"

"The one I just grabbed that was sitting there fresh wasn't even properly oiled yet," he replied.

"Which one did you give Lemon?"

"....The one from yesterday," he replied embarrassed.

She grabbed the plate that didn't go out and started munching on the leftover food. She shrugged her shoulders with indifference as she devoured the food.

"It still tastes good!"

Lemon walked in with a tired look and went towards Zesty Gourmand who stood there waiting for her answer.

"What, he didn't like the taste?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, he didn't like the taste" she replied. "It was awful. He said it was like eating baby vomit."

The entire kitchen staff dropped their jaws in surprise and fear as they watched and waited for Zesty's explosive reaction.

Zesty Gourmand's shade of grey-blue turned a bright shade of red as she was seething with anger and vainly trying with all of her might contain it
"That is quite...the opinion" she breathed out trying to cool off. "I'll.....be......right back. Come Lemon, we shall see what other insulting issues this Gordon Ramsay has."

"Yes ma'am," she sighed as she followed closely behind.

Lemon Drop and Zesty Gourmand came out to the dining room to meet Gordon and the others to try to resolve their problems.

"Oh, hi there. You must be the chef," Gordon greeted as politely as he was able to muster. "Come over here!"

Lemon Drop carefully made her way over to the table feeling an immense amount of dread radiating from the mare behind her.

Gordon just handed the elderly mare a fork with a piece of the tart jammed onto it.

"Apart from being just, completely drowned in sauce like it's the fucking Green Sea or something, the tart is just mush; Would you mind?"

Zesty Gourmand began gingerly chewing on the piece of tart tiny bite after tiny bite taking ten seconds at a time before swallowing as if she was trying to maintain some odd custom.

'Jeez, this mare looks crazier than Pinkie made her out to be," Spike thought.

'Ugh, I'm usually able to restrain myself, but even when she moves, this mare does nothing but infuriate me now,' Rarity thought. 'I can't believe I ever had her endorse my business'.

"It's like it's overcooked or something, disgusting," Gordon added.

"The flavor is not...as terrible as you make it out to be Chef Ramsay," Zesty replied defensively with an angry tone.

"Oh, I disagree," Gordon bluntly retorted.

"You disagree with me you say?"

Lemon was beginning to sweat profusely as she worried that her boss might snap at any moment and try to attack Gordon and the royalty accompanying him.

"The sauce is bland, there are no seasonings at all in the tart or the sauces to speak of, regardless of your "small amount" motto that this beyond strange restaurant seems to go by. The big fundamental problem here is that you deliberately made a tiny tart with little flavor. Especially since tarts are meant to create an explosion of flavors in your mouth. That's the strangely embarrassing part. Just go and take this back to the chef and have him taste that, or at least attempt to."

"Take ours too, I have no idea how or why a chef would ever cook a flower, but yours definitely found a way," Twilight said in an annoyed tone.

She ignited her horn and levitated their plates over to Zesty who stepped out of the way and forced her manager Lemon Drop to catch them.

"Can you just get the chefs to taste those? And see if he can't actually make a good assessment off of them for once."

Zesty made an audible "humph" as she moved off to the kitchen with Lemon as she followed behind with her head hung low. The group sat there for a few seconds until they knew they were out of earshot.

"Jesus, how the fuck does that happen?" Gordon asked. "I'm no expert on this world yet, but from what I understand, don't you grind them up if you want to cook them into something or eat them fresh and whole after you've washed them?

"I have absolutely no idea," Spike shrugged.

"Why yes Gordon, that is exactly how it is done," Rarity replied. "I thought usually when I am at home and not eating out, restrict myself to boiling flowers to make herbal tea. A practice that I am glad is apparent in your world as well."

Back in the kitchen, things were becoming worse and worse by the minute as Lemon once again presented the failed dishes to their chef Flambe, and Zesty Gourmand herself barely restrained her anger.

"He said it was drowned in sauce, the flavor is bland, and it tastes overcooked," Lemon stated bluntly.

"WHAT?? OVERCOOKED???" Flambe growled.

He used a clean fork to saw off a small piece and popped it into his mouth. After two seconds, he spat it out into a trash can.

"SLAP CHOP! Get your skinny plot in here and you better make the third dish right! Or do you want to man the tail cleaning booth outside again?"

Quicker than their eyes could track, the sous chef in question quickly got to work as she began cooking their guest's third round of dishes and hopefully the round that they will like this time around.

"This lady is supposed to be a food expert?" Gordon asked the others with disbelief. "She is really leaving a lot to be desired in that department."

"Ugh, I'm really hungry, and we've gone through two things already that we can't even eat," Spike whined.

"Oh, don't worry Spike, if these schmucks can clean up their act by the time I'm done with this Nightmare, I'll personally make another large banquet for all of you later back at the castle," Gordon replied.

"Well, we certainly would love that," Twilight added.

After another fifteen minutes had passed, Lemon brought out the third round of dishes which all happened to be the same thing this time around so they could save up on time.

The moment Gordon saw what the dish was comprised of, he was immediately confused. It appeared to be a tiny fish cake with bits of parsley and oregano, a mussel sticking out the top, and all covered in marinara sauce.

"Wait a minute. I thought ponies were vegetarian," Gordon questioned.

"Oh, we are for the most part," Twilight replied. "However, we ARE omnivorous and can stomach down certain kinds of protein such as fish, shellfish and on exceedingly rare occasion....other.....meats, but that's still pretty rare. Only ones in our group who can eat meats completely are Spike for obvious reasons, and Rainbow who's hung around her griffin friend Gilda long enough to develop a Human-like constitution for most kinds of foods."

"And Fluttershy?..." he asked.

"Oh, she will be fine with it soon enough," Rarity added. "She feeds meat to some of her animals, so I wouldn't be surprised if she can as well."

They then went on to try their dishes, and the immediate moment Gordon bit into the fish cake, Gordon's taste buds were assaulted with an unexpected sour taste that made his eyes water. The second thing he immediately noticed about the dish as he chewed into it was that it was far too chewy. Especially the mussel that had come with it. He struggled but managed to swallow down the bite of food as he noticed the others occupying the table had gained the same reaction from the dish.

"Fuck man, what the hell was in that?" Gordon exclaimed. "That was like so fucking overwhelmingly sour!!! They just taste so frozen. Can you just check with your chef, cause they are so chewy?"

"Absolutely Chef," she replied.

Lemon sulked back into the kitchen as she prepared for the verbal onslaught that she was expecting from the staff.

"Are the mussels frozen?" Lemon asked Flambe.

"Yep, why?"

Lemon simply walked off back into the dining room as Zesty looked as if she was about to reach a boiling point.

"You imbeciles do not use fresh mussels? I put that foul commoner's dish on my menu so that we could bring in more customers and you morons can't even get a simple dish right?" Zesty snapped.

"Boss, we cannot use fresh mussels all the time with a menu that has insanely expensive ingredients!" he retorted.

Lemon then walked back into the dining room to give their esteemed guests another piece of bad news.

"Yes Chef, unfortunately, they are frozen," she said ashamed.

The entire group sighed heavily as Gordon rubbed his eyes and got up out of his chair.

"Can you come on in to the kitchen? You three follow me as well, this might be educational for you. Cause I feel like after all of this I'm gonna start knockin' some heads in, I swear to fuckin God."

The First Nightmare part 4

Blunder after blunder has made Gordon Ramsay and Twilight Sparkle's visit to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant not only disappointing but also potentially dangerous as the Princess and her son Spike nearly choked on one of the dishes that they were served. On top of all of that, rumors from the servers working at the restaurant are circulating of staff members that are being threatened by Zesty Gourmand herself to remain silent. Chef Ramsey and his royal companions are beyond disappointed with the food that they have been served and are in dire need of an explanation.

"Can you come on into the kitchen Lemon Drop, my darling? You three follow me as well, this might be educational for you. Cause I feel like after all of this I'm gonna start knockin' some heads in, I swear to fuckin God."

Twilight, Rarity, and Spike all got up out of their seats with annoyed looks and all agreed that it would be a good idea to get to the bottom of all of the problems.

"Absolutely chef," Twilight replied "This is ridiculous."

"And I'm still hungry too!" Spike whined.

"Oh, believe me, my boy, I am too and I get a little cranky when I'm hungry," Gordon admitted.

"If we don't eat anything properly here by the time night comes, I'll be sure to personally make you something yummy Spikey," Rarity offered as she nuzzled the tiny drake.

"I'll probably help you!" Gordon added. "I think we could all use a palette cleanser after all of this."

Gordon leads his group straight into the kitchen to meet the head chef and his inept team that prepared their substandard dishes. The first thing that he was at least satisfied with was that the interior of Zesty Gourmand's kitchen appeared to be as clean as their dining room. Gordon found most of Zesty's staff there except their server Senko. Twilight gave all of them a deadly glare, thinking at first of saying something but reserved that honor for Chef Ramsay

"Uhhh, I really don't know where I should start with all of this," Gordon admitted. "Our experience at lunch was absolutely dreadful. Plus, there was nothing authentic about the food you served, and I'm struggling here. The biggest kick in the balls for me was not only the food you served almost killed my royal companions here, you managed to burn one of the dishes, and you also managed to somehow include fucking frozen clams in one of my meals. Those things nearly broke my damn teeth when I crunched on them. Why are you all serving frozen clams?"

The entire kitchen staff except for the sous chef Slap Chop who was not paying attention at all, as she played around with the spoons and the soup ladles. That only made things worse for them as Rarity chimed in with her own glare that could kill.

'Twilight and dear Spikey almost died and this hussy is fooling around?' Rarity thought angrily.

"Now, I need to know here, because the menu specifically stated that everything here is fresh, I'm only going on what you and your restaurant here told me."

"W-We doesn't sell enough clams for me to have them every week," Flambe Briquette tried to explain.

"So then what's the most important thing to do about that dish if that keeps happening?" Gordon asked incredulously.

Flambe began nervously playing with his hooves as the pressure on him began to grow.

"Take it off the menu," Flambe replied under his breath.

"Sorry? Come on, speak up, we need to hear it!" Gordon barked.

"Take it off the menu!"

"Yes, take it off the menu. So why haven't you?" Gordon snapped at the large unicorn.

Flambe nervously looked off towards the door to the dining room where a pair of disapproving eyes was gazing through the glass.

"Sh-She doesn't want to take it off the menu chef," he replied.

"She? Who is she?" Rarity asked angrily as she got in Flambe's face. "What excuse do you have to keep substandard food like this in a restaurant like this that should be for the Canterlot Elite?"

"Took the words right out of my mouth Miss Rarity," Gordon agreed.

"My moth- I mean Miss Gourmand."

Twilight immediately caught what he was about to say and intended to discuss that little detail with Gordon later in private.

"Why would she do that?" Gordon asked.

"Maybe we can't afford to make new menus I don't know, he replied.

At that comment, Zesty waltzed back into the kitchen with her chest puffed out intending to interject herself into the situation.

"I make it my goal to not allow frozen food into my eatery or on the menu, I assure you, Chef Ramsay," Zesty stated.

"Stop! Just Stop!" he snapped. "I make it my goal to not allow frozen food on the menu, did you really just say that?"

"Yes, I did say that."

"And yet, they are frozen!" Rarity added in. "I had the same dreadful thing happen in my dish as well!"

Zesty struggling to control her temper, stuck her chin up in the air in a sanctimonious way.

"Then him as a chef, it is his responsibility to inform me whether or not there are tainted and frozen foods in my restaurant, is it not?"

"I did tell you," Flambe grumbled under his breath.

"Him as a chef?"

"Why yes! Just as Miss Rarity here as an....adequate fashion designer must learn to keep her nose out of the culinary world."

'I'm not entirely sure about much of what's going on here, but I can already tell that I really don't like this Zesty Gourmand very much' Spike thought. 'Cause I'm about a few seconds away from decking her pretty little face'.

"But I DID tell you," Flambe tried to reply.

"WHY IN THE HELL IS IT STILL ON?" Gordon asked.

Everybody in the kitchen remained silent, afraid of what the response might be if they answered until the sous chef chimed in with an annoyed voice.

"It still on because there's a constant circle of miscommunication and fighting like a married couple between Briquette and Gourmand, and by the time the week passes, things like that tend to stay on the menu," Slap Chop explained tiredly as she leaned up against a nearby warmer in an uncaring fashion.

Gordon looked at all of them with a disappointed and disbelieving look that made all of them uncomfortable. The look from Rarity was even worse as the death glare she gave Zesty made her step back a few steps.

"I do not know what it is, thinking that you can just buy a restaurant literally after failing your job of being a food critic." Gordon wondered out loud. "Your fundamentals are just all screwed up. And the issues you have here are pretty darn big! From making sure your food isn't burnt to proper seasoning and taste testing. You've got more of a chance of winning the lottery than you do becoming a success here, I'll tell you that much.

Without another word, Gordon walked out of the kitchen with Twilight, Rarity, and Spike, following suit. Going back into the dining room and out the front door, the group left the restaurant to recoup and prepare for their return later in the evening for the restaurant's dinner service. To say the least, Rarity in particular was not pleased in the least that she would have to come with them again to the restaurant.

"It has been quite a pleasure working with you Gordon, but I'm afraid I must take a wee break before I go back into THAT place," Rarity said venomously as she gestured to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant.

"Oh, I can understand that," Gordon replied. "Take all the time you need."

"Can we get something actually good to eat now?" Spike whined. "I think that nasty food back in there made me even hungrier than before."

Twilight smiled and patted Spike on the head.

"Sure Spike we can do that," Twilight agreed. "To be honest, I'm feeling a little peckish myself."

"Make that four of us," Gordon replied dryly. "You wouldn't happen to know a restaurant around here that actually has some common sense do you?"

Rarity put her hoof on her chin for a brief moment before smiling and giving him a nod.

"I know just the restaurant Gordon. Senko's mother amusingly enough owns the most adorable Neighponese place just around the corner. Ichiraku Ramen I believe it is called."

"Well lead the way then Rarity, I'm famished," Twilight replied. "That sounds pretty good right now."

Later that afternoon...

Gordon, Twilight, and Spike began their walk back to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant to observe how they carried themselves during dinner service and what may or may not have to be done to improve their performance. This time, however, Rarity decided to begin going back to the castle where the diplomatic proceedings with the White Tail Woodland Kingdom were occurring. Applejack as it turned out needed a break from her tasks as well and requested to take Rarity's place in their group. Before they left back to complete their respective tasks, however, Rarity took it upon herself to quickly dress them all in formal attire as they began making their way back to Restaurant Row.

Gordon slipped into his clean white chef uniform while Twilight and Applejack each donned beautiful sparkling dinner gowns, one red for Applejack and one midnight blue for Twilight. Rarity took the most pride however in dressing Spike as when his turn came, she grabbed him with her magic and pulled him into a changing room at a boutique near the castle. In her spare time, before they came to Canterlot, Rarity had made a special tuxedo for Spike which she quickly slipped the little drake into.

"Hey, at least it isn't like those massive gala dresses she forced you to wear a few weeks ago Applejack," Twilight giggled.

"Yeah, you looked like a giant poofy flower with a grumpy face," Spike snickered.

"You don't look any better, "my little penguin", Twilight teased poking him in the shoulder.

Spike began to turn as red as a fire truck as he remembered the new pet name Rarity gave him only a few minutes ago.

"Well, I can't deny that. At the very least I don't feel restricted in this thing," she replied. "So you said we are going to this bad restaurant or something? What did you need me for?"

"Well, other than the fact you have experience working with food and handling employees," Twilight started. "Rarity thought you should "have a taste of Canterlot's Restaurant Row".

"Any help is welcome Miss Applejack. Plus, I figured that I might start a new system with my show as long as I'm in Equestria. Have at least two to three members of your royalty accompany me so we can find out what exactly is plaguing your food and hospitality businesses. That might lead us to why and how your country's food supply is being poisoned."

Back at Zesty Gourmand's, after hearing that the Princess and one of Canterlot's best fashionistas had come, many of the ponies on the Row had decided to give it a fair shot considering how two members of royalty found it well enough to grace it with their presence. Unfortunately for the restaurant in question, things were about to look even worse as Gordon, Twilight, Spike, and Applejack when they came back to the kitchen to observe just how bad the staff work with each other.

"Alrighty then, just give me a quick run-through of your process," Gordon requested. "How does the linework here?"

"Well, I try to stay on my side, Slap Chop stays on her side and she is supposed to try not to step on my hooves, literally and metaphorically."

"Not to mention that we cant give him tickets," Slap Chop added as she shuffled a stack of something in her magic.

"Give those to me, why can't we get tickets here?" Gordon asked.

"Cause these are all we got that's why," Slap Chop sassed back.

After glaring at the Sous Chef, Gordon grabbed out of her magical grasp what appeared to be a stack of scrap paper with the orders written down on them.

"So you just use bits of paper and crap like that?"

"Yeah, we use bits of paper and crap like that."

'I'm not at the point where I want to slug this mare yet, but I don't want to get to that point either,' Gordon thought to himself.

"That's nuts! How are you able to stay organized and know what has been ordered properly if you don't have a ticket system?" Spike asked.

The girls and Gordon all turned and looked down at the small drake with raised eyebrows.

"What? I've watched Pinkie at work along with Miss Fur Frou at our cafe back in Ponyville. I picked up on a few things."

"Well, I'm glad you pay attention to somepony at least," Twilight teased.

Gordon went on to inspect how they cooked their seafood into their dishes as he watched one of the other cooks prepare a recipe. Almost immediately, he noticed that something was wrong as he spotted what appeared to be a tall plastic container of shrimp.

"Can you show me those shrimp please?"

The cook hesitated for a moment but agreed as he levitated the vat over to Gordon allowing him to inspect the container. Not liking the smell, Gordon cautiously grabbed one of the shrimp out of the liquid-filled vat and smelled it, being immediately confused.

"What the hell? Where do you get these? How do you prepare these?"

"Um, I think those are....defrosted in hot water," the cook said meekly.

"So they were frozen then?" Gordon asked rhetorically.

The chef simply nodded back at the man.

"Just asking, thank you."

The cook seemed to want to follow Gordon as he went around the kitchen inspecting its overall quality. Twilight and Applejack stayed behind in the dining room to talk to guests and local press at the restaurant as best as they could while Spike stayed close beside Gordon to learn as much as he could. Spike noticed that Applejack slipped back into her "proper" Manehatten accent to appear more presentable.

Soon enough, Gordon found something suspicious in one of the sinks that were used in the kitchen. It was filled with a disgusting red liquid that appeared to be from the seafood that they prepared many of their signature dishes with.

"Fuck, what the hell is that?" Gordon exclaimed.

"Clam juice I think." the cook said.

"So you defrost and soak your fish too in a washbasin that's filled with slime and fish blood? And then you prep it next to what appears to be cooked prawns?"

"That looks really disgusting," Spike commented. "Even to me, and I smell my own feet."

Gordon went back into the dining room where Zesty Gourmand herself was conversing with a few of the noble ponies that took the liberty to come and dine at her restaurant that evening. Twilight and Rarity were on the opposite end politely conversing with some of the members of Canterlot's middle class. Gordon discreetly called Zesty back over where he intended to get to the bottom of the latest development that he had just discovered back in the kitchen.

"To be honest Ms. Gourmand, I am not really seeing much of what you tried to portray on the menu and what you claimed to me earlier in person, you know about the fresh ingredients and the understanding of good food. Not to mention that a lot of the seafood that you are bringing in is super damn frozen." Gordon began.

"I assure you that I always try to buy fresh ingredients to include in my dishes." she insisted. "Anyone caught serving frozen food is dealt with harshly."

"Well, I'm telling you that I just found a bag of frozen fish, clams, mussels, and other various seafood articles. Come with me and I'll show you.

Gordon walked back into the kitchen with Zesty Gourmand in tow where he found the cook that had answered a few of his questions. The cook clarified to Zesty that the seafood was indeed frozen which Gordon even further proved by walking with her to the washbasin that he found the disgusting slime, blood, and grime mix.

"The seafood is not fresh, it's frozen, and you seem to be defrosting it in the sink here. You told me all of these seemingly wonderful things about your restaurant here when we first met. You told me about your freshness and your fresh ingredients. That's what you told me that is what you stand for."

"I-ahem, assure you, Chef Ramsay, I did not know of this," Zesty replied with a barely veiled hint of anger. "The ponies that have been doing this will be dealt with."

"All I can say to all of this fucking crap is that you may be telling me one thing," Gordon said in a patronizing tone. "But you are telling me the other! Something is not right in this restaurant."

After feeling extremely misled by Zesty Gourmand about the freshness of the food, Gordon and Spike decided to inspect the storage rooms of the restaurant, starting with the basement where their freezer was located. As soon as they opened the door, the appearance of everything drastically changed. The stairway was covered in dust and grime from neglect.

"Jeez, this place is a complete mess," Spike said as he pinched his nose closed. "Twilight would have kittens and gut me if she ever saw the house this dirty

"No kidding," Gordon agreed. "Even especially with how clean most all of the rooms back up there were. The near spotless dining room was the first thing that caught my attention when I first walked into this restaurant. It's like complete night and day."

At the bottom of the stairs, they come into contact with two large freezers. One that stands upright and one that lays out horizontally to allow for more storage and freezer space for much larger food articles. Gordon quickly proceeded to inspect the one that lay flat on the ground to take a good look at the damages that he was dealing with. He opened the freezer and found a large number of bins filled with various kinds of seafood. He then went to the upright freezer and pulled out bags of even more kinds of seafood.

"How much crab does one restaurant need?" Spike asked clearly bewildered. "I like eating it with Twilight well enough when the curtains are closed but not enough to eat this much of it!"

"And look at that there," Gordon said as he pulled out one of the bags. "That must be calamari and it's frozen up to fuckin high heaven."

He pulled out another bag and found a large stack of frozen mussels on the bottom shelf of the freezer, no doubt the clams and mussels that they had been fed in their previous dishes.

Intending to get to the bottom of this latest development, Gordon went back up the stairs and called over Zesty Gourmand to allow her to explain what he found and what reasons she had to keep it that way. Needless to say, Zesty was not pleased with all from having to step into a stairway and a room that was absolutely covered in filth.

"Why must I come down to this horrid place?" Zesty asked indignantly. "You cannot handle things on your own?"

"Oh shove it, Gourmand," Gordon snapped.

He pulled out the numerous tubs and bags of seafood that filled both freezers to the brim and dropped them right in front of Zesty Gourmand's feet with a thud.

"You keep telling me that you get things in fresh and yet I come down here and find God knows how many bags and tubs of seafood in here that are fucking frozen to the damn bone!"

"We get everything in fresh Chef Ramsay," Zesty growled.

"And then you freeze it to send it all back out to your customers as food," he stated. "Why should anybody wait for shit like this? You are crazy! Why are you in so much denial right now?'

"This room is not my responsibility heathen," she said with malice. "I have more than enough responsibilities, so I shouldn't have to disgrace myself as to come down here and touch even a single inch of this filthy place."

"Who in Celestia's fault is that?" Spike muttered rhetorically.

"How could you not know all of this?" Gordon asked in disbelief.

"I am not as experienced in the restaurant business as I was in the critic business Chef Ramsay," she pathetically tried to say in her defense. "Even one as great as I cannot see everything."

"If you are making all of these grand statements about your restaurant about the authenticity and the freshness, you don't need years or even days of experience with this sort of thing! You should know everything that goes on in every room, fridge, and sink."

"Are you implying that all of this is my fault?" Gourmand asked venomously.

"That's exactly what we are telling you, sweetheart," Spike dryly commented under his breath so that they couldn't hear.

"Well if all of this isn't your fault, who's fault is it then?"

"I am not the head chef, why don't you stop wasting my time and bring my bumbling head chef down here and explain all of this?" Zesty asked.

"Well then let's do that!" Gordon stated angrily.

Gordon tried going back upstairs to get Flambe Briquette to explain what is happening since Zesty Gourmand herself was unable to do so. Unfortunately for him, Flambe was also unable to provide adequate answers for Gordon either. All Zesty did was repeat the same excuses over and over again, all the while sounding more impatient by the second. Flambe just stood there beside Gourmand quietly looking forlorn as he vaguely appeared to be afraid of her.

"I have told you once and I will tell you again Mr. Ramsay. I always make sure that I buy the freshest ingredients on the market. I've even stuped to bribing the food delivery ponies. It's been positively a nightmare for me to keep up with everything."

"You keep telling me all of these things about how you prepare all of this freshly and I fucking believed you, sitting there like an idiot!" Gordon began You are running a business endorsing all of this shitty tasting food that is frozen as fuck and you have the nerve to serve all of this to your customers!"

"There actually is a reason why we do this...." Flambe muttered.

Zesty gave the colt a daggered glare as if she was daring him to say the next few words.

"What? What reason or excuse could all of you possibly have to allow all of this insanity to happen?"

"Well...the boss here has is what's called a Supertaster," he explained. "She has a condition-

"THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH OUT OF YOU FLAMBE! NOW GET BACK TO YOUR DUTIES BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER!" Zesty growled.

Flambe ran back up the stairs while Gordon just sat there, dumbfounded.

'Perhaps discussing strategy with Twilight might be prudent while trying to deal with this mare," he thought.

"This whole thing is just astonishing!" he exclaimed. : Miscommunication, neglect of food, abuse of employees! This is stupidity and negligence at its finest! And especially the biggest fuck up that I've encountered so far, your batshit stupid employees are defrosting the frozen food in hot water!!! You could kill ponies with food like that! It's almost like you want to cause a plague in this city!"

Without another word, Gordon walked back up the steps to the main floor and back into the dining room where he decided it would be a good idea to sit down with his three companions and discuss the next step of their plan to attempt to turn the restaurant around for the better.

"I'll tell you one thing, Mr. Interviewer," Flambe started. "My.....moth, I mean boss may have most other people convinced that I am the bad guy when it comes to the decisions that happen around here about the restaurant but with Chef Gordon Ramsay here, I really hope he helps me root out all of the lies that Ms. Gourmand has been telling about all of us."

Next Time: End of the First Nightmare

End of the First Nightmare part 1

After being frustrated with Zesty and Flambe over the deplorable state of their food storage, Chef Ramsay heads back upstairs to their kitchen to check the state of their walk-in cooler. Gordon almost immediately found moldy and rotting food items as he pulled out a moldy avocado from one bin and then countless bunches of collard greens in a box on the bottom shelf that had gone bad and turned slimy.

"Damn, a lizard in a desert wouldn't eat this, and this here is just completely rotten through and through," he replied completely disgusted. "Er, no offense Spike my boy."

"None was taken," Spike chuckled. "Though, deserts are fun to run around in. I love sand baths."

"And here are what the packages claim to have fresh turnips, but when you open the package.....oh my god!" he exclaimed as he saw the slimy rotting blob that used to be a turnip.

Pulling out a few more boxes, he found more food items that had been rotting including a box of moldy potatoes and a box of mushy tomatoes that had gone bad days ago. Chef Ramsay was struggling to keep his composure and not throw up as he was forced to power through the rancid odors that permeated through the entire walk-in cooler.

"All of this shit fucking makes me gag," he lamented.

Going back into the kitchen, Gordon fully intended to attempt to get answers from Zesty and Flambe, knowing full well that he probably wasn't going to get a straight answer.

"Flambe! Zesty! What the fuck is that?" Gordon said as he presented one of the moldy avocados to the middle-aged mare.

"I don't, I don't use these," Flambe stumbled trying to reply. "These are mine."

"So you keep your own groceries in there? fuck." Gordon tried to rationalize.

"How many times a day do you go into that walk-in?" he asked one of the other staff members.

"About a hundred."

"A hundred?....disgusting. Fucking disgusting," he stated disappointed as he reached into one of the boxes for another item for them to explain away.

He pulled out the bunches of greens that had turned slimy. He waved it in front of their faces trying to get them to speak.

"I...believe that was the collard greens leftover from my cousin's wedding" Zesty muttered.

"They are leftover from your cousin's wedding? Oh my god."

Then he pulled out the rotten turnips in the packages that had become rancid and ripe.

"Do you have any idea how bad a turnip needs to go before it gets that's bad?" he asked the mare unbelievingly. "Touch it, just touch it."

Zesty Gourmand was starting to get more and more irritated as time went on.

"WE ARE NOT SERVING IT HEATHEN! WE ARENT USING IT," she snapped.

"No disrespect, but what the hell would you know what's being served?" he retorted accusingly. This is not funny. I am fucking pissed off at the lot of you. But wait...just wait. It gets even worse. I can't wait for this fucking excuse."

He then pulled out a bin filled with squid that had been sitting for days.

"Do you have any idea how bad squid needs to go to get that color?"

He smelled one of the pieces of squid as his eyes watered in protest.

"Smell that," he commanded to Flambe and Zesty who reluctantly obeyed.

He saw Zesty's eyes water as well as she began to cough.

"That smells absolutely rancid. How long has that been in there idiot?"

"It couldn't have been in there for more than two days Miss Gourmand," Flambe replied.

"Oh, fuck off! Two days?" Gordon retorted. "WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?"

Flambe simply shrugged meekly as he attempted to defuse the situation.

"You don't fucking care do you?"

"Of course I care."

"You don't give a shit!" Gordon growled.

"Says who?" Flambe retorted.

"That walk in there is a disgusting mess. You all should be ashamed."

"Hair in the food!"

Gordon looked around for who had just called out.

"Who said that? Who said that there was hair in the food?"

The manager Lemon Drop trotted over to Gordon and sat the dishes in front of him. Gordon was beginning to steam as he saw a clump of somepony's mane hair in one of the dishes. Even Spike began to step back slowly as he saw Gordon get madder and madder every second that went by.

"That's fucking it. I'm closing this place down until I can work out something for all of you to fucking abide by." Gordon barked. "Lemon my darling, can you go out there and apologize to every customer?

"You dare to direct my own employees around-" Zesty started.

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU. YOU UPPITY BITCH!" GORDON ROARED. "YOUR PRINCESS ORDERED ME TO FIX THIS PLACE BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING DO THAT! AND THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! "

"I think Luna gave us the authority to arrest any restaurant owners who cause too many risks to the public," Spike whispered. "Did you want to do that here?"

"Not now, but I'll keep that option in the back of my mind," Gordon quietly answered back. "Somepony may need to face some heat."

Gordon then turned to Lemon who jumped slightly from his gaze.

"Lemon, if you please."

"Yes chef!," Lemon replied fearfully before dashing into the dining room.

In the dining room, Lemon got everyone's attention including Twilight and Applejack who were preoccupied with speaking to nobles.

"May I have your attention, please? We here at Subtilité Du Goût apologize for any inconvenience to you wonderful ponies of Canterlot tonight, but we are shutting operations down. We are not worthy to continue this service."

Twilight and Applejack looked confused as they followed Lemon back into the kitchen as the customers began to leave angrily.

"Can we close that door, please? It's just going to keep getting hotter in there and more stuff is going to go bad." Flambe said.

Spike and Gordon were taken aback by Flambe as they gave him an incredulous look.

"What else can get worse that hasn't already gone bad?" Spike asked loudly.

"Exactly, tell us. Just tell us." Gordon asked barely keeping his calm.

"I have no idea."

"And now, in the last sixty seconds, you suddenly start to give a fucking shit about what's going to go wrong? You got lazy. All of you got so lazy. And yet you just cannot accept it."

Having Flambe and Zesty walk outside of the restaurant with him with Spike, Twilight, and Applejack in tow, Gordon was determined to have a serious chat with them to attempt to get to the heart of the issue.

"You look like you are just done with all of this aren't you?" Gordon asked Flambe.

"For the night?"

"No not for the night. I mean just in general. You look like a spent force." Gordon said thoughtfully.

"No, I haven't. If I have I would have left her a long time ago."

"Well, at the very least, you are being a good son, but from what I understand, not good enough," Applejack chimed in.

Zesty glared at Applejack.

"How did you-" Zesty started.

"We aren't stupid Miss Gourmand," Twilight said. "I don't know what problems could have arisen for you to treat your own son the way you do, but its obviously hurting your business. "

"If Granny Smith treated us and our business the way you do to Flambe, our farm would suffer," Applejack added.

"I suggest you two tell us the truth. I am your princess and she is the Element of Honesty," Twilight stated sternly.

Zesty seemed to deflate as a look of defeat slowly came on to her face in place of a look of defiance.

"She thought all of this could work. She thought that this was all easy, just because of her experience as a critic and I told her it wasn't going to be easy. Especially with her condition making the food so damn bland."

"She's a supertaster right?" Twilight asked.

Zesty then looked at Twilight with a venomous glare as if she was daring her to speak.

"How could you possibly know that?" Zesty questioned accusingly. "I took great lengths to keep that information a secret."

"A what?" Spike and AJ asked.

"It's a fairly rare medical condition where the tongue tastes things with an intensity far greater than the average tongue. Normal things for us would taste overwhelming for a supertaster." Twilight explained.

"That is not the customers' problem! You should be catering to your customers, not to yourself Gourmand!" Gordon barked. "And you Flambe. If your mother is doing all of these things, why aren't you stepping up?"

Flambe just stood there with a frustrated look and shrugged.

"All the pressure, all the tension, everything is just building on top, especially with me not getting paid in what- months now?" Flambe tried to explain.

"There's a reason why you haven't been getting fucking paid in months! Do you ever stop and ask yourselves? You all are making SO many mistakes that you don't have any idea what's right or wrong now! And you are allowing him to do it Zesty!"

Zesty began to look more and more broken and defeated as time passed hearing everything that she was hearing.

"YOU BOTH ARE DESTROYING EACH OTHER! AND I'M AMAZED THAT YOU'VE MANAGED TO STAY OPEN FOR THIS LONG!"

"Even I cannot be everywhere, doing everything, and checking produces-" Zesty started.

"Why did you buy a restaurant when you haven't even worked in one?" Gordon shouted questioningly. "Any fucking yahoo can be a critic Gourmand. Heck, everyone back on Earth considers themselves a critic, especially with how connected everyone is through our internet. But you need to learn special skills to run a restaurant."

The entire group just stood there for ten uncomfortable silent seconds, until Flambe decided to break it.

"I have no idea what to do next, I don't have a clue," Flambe admitted.

"For the first time in my life chef...I don't know what to do," Zesty agreed tiredly.

"Well that makes three of us," Gordon added. "Cause as of this moment, I have no fucking idea where to start!"

Applejack stepped forward and jabbed Zesty and Flambe in the chest with her hoof.

"I highly suggest to you that you first work on being a better family," Applejack urged. "A mama should not be treatin her colt the way you do Gourmand. And a colt as big and strong as you look like Flambe, should be the boss and taking the bull by the horns. Not cowering in a corner like a little newborn filly. How do you think mah brother became my business partner? He may not say much, but he's certainly a lot bolder than you are."

"I totally agree with that Miss Applejack, 'cause I see only two things here. A chef who has checked out and given up, and an owner who's not only in fucking denial, but who's also so damn narcissistic it's nauseating."

Leaving Zesty and Flambe outside with their pressing thoughts to meditate on, Gordon, Twilight, AJ, and Spike started on their way back to Canterlot Castle to recoup for the night. Mostly though, to get some real food that they could actually stomach down. It was roughly around ten o clock when they left the restaurant. Not that many ponies, except for the more hardy night-going tourists were strolling about the streets, so the group made it back to the castle without too many issues.

Gordon, Twilight, and the rest of their group had just arrived back at the castle while Rarity was busy playing up her charms to one of the White-Tailed Deer Nation's diplomats, Lord Blackthorn. A tall buck with ebony black antlers, piercing blue eyes, and a broad muscular physique. He and his son had volunteered to stay behind and assist any way he could with Equestria's mysterious famines while his brethren returned home.

After having a quick dinner with the others, Gordon went to bed with many interesting thoughts on how he was going to properly resolve the issues that his first Kitchen Nightmare had brought to him.

The next morning...

Fed up with both Zesty and Flambe, Chef Ramsay had devised a plan to get everything once and for all out into the open. With a bit of permission from Celestia, Gordon was allowed to use one of Canterlot's community centers to gather Zesty, Flambe, and most of her staff for a little test. Gordon directed them up to individual speaking podiums above a gallery where he could speak with all of them. Twilight, Spike, and Applejack came along to try to keep everypony orderly.

"Okay, Zesty and Flambe. Each of you is going on trial. A mock trial of course, but still. So what we are going to do is one at a time, you are going to come down here to defend yourself. Keep in mind that whatever you say is guaranteed to not have any negative repercussions on your job. Got it?"

They all nodded as Gordon called one of them down.

"Zesty, I want you to go first," Gordon asked politely.

"Oh, very well. Though I fail to see how this...mock trial of yours is going to help our problems." Zesty grumbled.

She trotted down to the gallery below beside Gordon where most of the staff was able to see her.

"Now, Miss Lemon Drop. What would you say are Zesty's weaknesses?"

"She uses discipline to an overt extreme with the staff. She needs to tone down her anger in front of the restaurant. She needs to tone it down in the back kitchen and let us work properly. She is far too cruel with the staff."

"I have built my reputation on being firm with everyone I encounter, but I do not see myself as the cruel tyrant you are making me out to be."

"You are being cruel cause you threaten us and you take your "firmness" to an insane level!"

"Tread carefully Miss Lemon..." Zesty retorted in a dangerous tone.

A glare from Gordon and Twilight made sure Lemon was able to proceed without any interruptions from Zesty.

"Unorganized, Mismanagement, No follow-through, even when her scoldings of the staff are warranted."

Zesty then made a face that set off Lemon's temper.

"Don't give me that look, Gourmand, you know, you bucking damn well know!"

"I am simply one pony Miss Drop, I cannot be everywhere at once. If my job was just to manage and be the owner, and sit in my office and take care of my bills, I would have everything handled, and I would be out on the lobby floor directing all of you."

"Then why may I ask hasn't it been like that? I walk out of the room for a moment when there is a rush of customers and I find you futzing with the noble ponies."

"Because nopony is being a proper host for my restaurant. If somepony were to do that, perhaps I would be going around checking produce and inspecting that walk-in cooler. Last night was an eye-opener for me and I certainly will endeavor to do things a little more carefully."

Gordon then tried calling Flambe to give his own assessment about his mother, not knowing how quickly things were about to turn on their heads. Flambe did his best saying what everyone else was saying about Zesty, but as a predator, she took the advantage of his uncertainty and went in for the kill.

"You would have been fired and thrown out into the streets a long time ago if you were in anyone else's kitchen. Why aren't you taking the initiative to display your passion to the world that you lost? For a chef, you have always been....above average at the very least. You are the one who wished to follow in your father's footsteps and become a chef. I simply gave you a small character-building push to become a chef, but I certainly did not force you."

"Okay, maybe this is the wrong way around," Twilight thought aloud.

"I think so as well. Why don't you get up Flambe and swap places with your mother?" Gordon agreed. "Let's go. Because it's just starting to shift to you, my boy. You also have got to take some responsibility for your own actions that have to lead up to all of these problems."

Zesty trotted up to the podium where she fully intended to get into a shouting match with Flambe, but once again, Gordon and Twilight's presence pacified any rage that might have been building up.

"I shall continue. Why are you letting go of your disloyal ingrate? Why?"

"I feel like I do all of this work, and I don't get any credit for it and I don't really show my true passion anymore cause of all of the problems that have come up working in a restaurant with a menu that is extremely large and filled with inedible food that most ponies can't even stomach." Flambe explained.

Slap Chop simply scoffed and snickered.

"You have got to take responsibility too dude," she said with a sarcastic chuckle. "It's not just hers and it's not just yours, but at least take some of the responsibility for the restaurant like an actual stallion."

"I don't have the time or money to go-" he started.

"YOU ARE THE CHEF YOU SNOT-NOSED CHILD! TELL ME YOU WANT TO MAKE A MENU! If you truly wish to make a change in my restaurant, stop being a ball-less gelding and do something useful for once in your life!"

Spike did a spit take while drinking from a water fountain and tried his best to hold back uncontrollable laughter while Twilight and Applejack's pupils shrunk from the language Zesty used. Flambe as he stood in the awkward silence, felt the blood drain from his face. Gordon decided once again to pick the conversation back up.

"You are a chef young man. You just really need to find your voice in all of this!" Gordon encouraged.

Flambe nodded in agreement before going back up to the podiums to wait for what else Gordon had in mind for that day.

"Let me tell you something," Gordon began. "You need input, from another source.

Going over to the front door of the community center, Gordon opened the door, letting in what appeared to be dozens of various ponies from all across Canterlot, including Sir Fancy Pants himself. Having just been knighted by Celestia, Fancy sought to attend any important events that he might offer assistance in. Gordon stepped forward and shook his hoof firmly, welcoming him to his little mock trial.

"I'm not sure how much ponies know each other here, but this is Sir Fancy Pants," Gordon said.

'Another fucking ridiculous name, but I'll let it slide since this guy is actually a very pleasant person.' Gordon thought.

"And Fancy Pants has brought a rather large group of his friends along with him. These ponies are here to represent the city of Canterlot. You may recognize them. That's because all of them have dined in your restaurant Zesty."

Spike turned to Twilight in confusion and tried asking Twilight for answers.

"May I ask how Gordon knows Fancy Pants?"

"Apparently he was with Rarity yesterday at the diplomatic summit with the White Tail Nation. Rarity introduced the two when we came back. I think you were already asleep on my haunches," she giggled.

They turned back to Gordon, looking forward to where he was going with all of this.

"Ladies and gentle colts, the owners and the staff all need to hear about your recent experiences when you went to visit Subtilité Du Goût," he instructed.

One by one, ponies came up to the speaking podium down in the gallery all having problems that they had when they visited Zesty's restaurant. Fancy Pants came up first.

"I cannot fathom if you were having a bad day or not Miss Gourmand, but when my wife and I had our meals served to us at your restaurant a few weeks ago, we were quite flabbergasted to find dead flies in our food," he explained calmly. "We just...as Lady Pie would put it, "Split out of there like a banana". It was, unfortunately, appalling, to say the least."

"Zesty, do you have anything to respond to that?"

"I...am ashamed and I apologize for dishonoring you Sir Pants," Zesty attempted at remorse.

"Thank you Fancy Pants, next please?"

Another pony identified by Twilight as Jet Set approached the podium.

"The food and the service at your eatery have been more or less subpar Miss Gourmand. I went there with my family and when we ordered our food, all of our entrees came out at different times, making it very difficult to enjoy our meal."

"We have had that problem for quite some time," Flambe agreed. "Food sitting on the line and not getting delivered to tables immediately. It's probably because we are just so short-staffed."

"It's not the customers' problem that you are short-staffed." Gordon hissed. "It's not just the service. Next please."

Spike recognized the next pony as he ran up to her. It was an older mare with a blonde mane and wearing a purple dress shirt. Twilight identified her as Harshwhinny as Spike shared a short hug with her before allowing her to go up to the podium.

"My experience at your restaurant was beyond subpar Miss Gourmand. I don't know what possesses you to make food without flavor in such a manner, but it's rather disrespectful to the profession of cooking. I was forgiving the first night around and decided to give you another chance. And yet when I come back, I find the food is not only still bad, it's even worse. I suggest you either change your act or go back to being a washed-up food critic."

Zesty was getting cold sweats as she was facing a wave of humiliation from all of her mistakes.

"....I am quite sorry for that experience that you were forced to endure Pamela," Zesty replied meekly

"You lost the privilege to call me that a long time ago Gourmand." Harshwhinny retorted as she stepped off the podium.

Trotting around the large crowd of ponies and over to Spike she gave the dragon a small smile and a gentle pat and a peck on the head by one of his green scales.

"It is good to see you again Mr. The Dragon." Harshwhinny greeted. "It's not every day I come to an event that involves my favorite Crystal Empire Champion."

"What's that about sugar cube?" Applejack asked the alicorn. "That Harshwhinny seems to be awfully touchy-feely with Spike."

"Apparently, after the Games, Spike and Rainbow saved her from a Minotaur team that was disqualified two years ago for cheating. They've been stalking her and hurting her ever since. So I don't mind if she gets just a little bit friendly with Spike as long as it's within reason. The poor mare got PTSD from those thugs. That's probably why she looked so disheveled and rough when she first arrived in the Empire."

"Are ya looking into the damn varmint that ordered those goons around?" AJ asked hopefully. "Ah, wouldn't mind caving their skulls in mahself with a few well-placed bucks."

"Oh yes, Princess Celestia sent out an investigating team of ponies to look for them. Cadence took it personally upon herself to send the minotaurs to work in the Crystal Mines below the castle. She figured it might serve as a proper punishment."

The mare in question was speaking to Spike about the things he has been doing alongside Gordon the past few days.

"Can you stay for the royal banquet?" Spike asked the orange mare hopefully. "I want you to meet the rest of my friends and the princesses."

"I'd be honored my little friend," she replied cheerfully. "Now...are you going to leave her waiting or are you going to introduce me to the Princess here?"

For the next fifteen minutes, Zesty Gourmand was pelted with accusations and stories that made her feel worse and worse by the minute.

"I can tell you one thing Mr. Interviewer...it is true what they say. The truth does indeed hurt," Zesty said to Gordon's interviewer.

"This feedback, this morning has been pivotal. I hope, you all will be willing to give Subtilité Du Goût one last chance," Gordon requested. "On behalf of the owners, and the team, I'd like to say a big thank you to you all. I appreciate you all showing up."

The ponies then began making their way back out the door and vacated the building, leaving Gordon, Twilight, Spike, and Applejack to discuss their upcoming plans for Zesty's restaurant.

"I suppose...if it means jeopardizing my own health to get my restaurant back on the map and restoring my reputation. I suppose I will have to do what your Chef Ramsay says and change the face of my eatery entirely." Zesty admitted. "Whatever it takes...."

End of the First Nightmare part 2

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

A Visit to The Tasty Treat

Author's Note

If anybody speaks punnjabi or something, forgive me for the mis step. I just wanted to do something funny by slipping the east indian word for posterior or bum. I saw it online and I figured it would work.

For now this is just one of the one-off chapters that I will probably add to in the future. I'm just kinda using this as an intermission chapter in between "episodes"

A Visit to The Tasty Treat

The next hour was spent fighting and throwing spells at everything as Twilight and Luna did battle outside the restaurant with their grotesque opponent. They had found a way to lure the shoggoth outside without it destroying the restaurant Gordon and his crew put so much labor-intensive time into creating. Unfortunately, the mess it created in doing so ended up keeping the staff and the rest of Gordon's crew busy with the clean-up. The creature didn't last long as Luna finally remembered the spell to banish the shoggoth back to the nightmarish realm that she had accidentally summoned it from.

After Twilight had helped Princess Luna properly dispose of the eldritch horror that the princess had accidentally summoned, Gordon left Zesty Gourmand's restaurant and began their slow, tiring return back towards Canterlot Castle with Princess Luna, Spike, and Pinkie Pie in tow. Twilight had Spike sit on her haunches and Pinkie help Gordon's crew carry their gear back to the palace. Businesses along the Restaurant Row strip were beginning to shut down their daytime operations as other nighttime tourist food stops were beginning to set up. The nighttime bat pony guards were beginning to come out as they noticed Princess Luna and saluted whenever she came in sight. Two even ran up two the group as they helped escort them to the castle

As they made their way out to the center of the square, they found ponies in a panic as the moon was flying all over the night sky. Once or twice, it even dropped rapidly to the horizon as if it was a rock being dropped to the ground.

"Nightmare Moon has returned!" one noble pony dramatically cried.

"She's gonna steal our souls out of our plots!"

"The horror! The HORROR!"

"Should...that be happening your majesty?" Gordon asked. "Last time I checked, a moon doesn't do a fucking mambo."

"Twilight...were you messing with the placement of the moon again?" Spike asked accusingly. "Last time you did that, Ponyville Lake rose and flooded half of Sweet Apple Acres!"

"You...tried to move the moon?" Gordon asked clearly confused with the small lavender mare.

"Keyword being "tried". It didn't turn out so well. That was merely part of the scientific method Spike," Twilight replied haughtily. "Now I know not to have it above bodies of water."

"Nay young Spike, I believe our Sister just wished to have somepony attempt to raise our moon since we were otherwise occupied by our brief imprisonment in Zesty's eatery," Luna replied as she ignited her horn as it glowed bright blue.

The moon seemed to slow down and stay in a single spot high in the night sky.

"We apologize for our rash actions great Ramsay and we thank thee for being merciful with us with our punishment by only keeping us imprisoned for 4 hours," Luna said with a deep bow.

"It's fine," Gordon said. "We all make mistakes. Accidents happen."

"We disrupted thou's heroic efforts to restore a piece of our capital's community," Luna said shamefully. "We deserved harsh lashings from our personal fox o nine tails, but thou proved thy greatness by showing us mercy."

"Doesn't she mean cat o nine tails?" Twilight whispered.

Luna stood up on her hind legs as she gave Gordon a crushing big bear hug. Twilight and the others stood there giggling like mad ponies while Gordon suffocated from the Princesses love.

"Ok-Okay, Okay, Okay, everything is alright. I forgive you. Can you please let me go? I need my lungs to fucking breath ya know."

"Oh, sorry," Luna replied sheepishly as she blushed and released Gordon.

Making their way back to the castle, they passed the guard checkpoints once again as they were allowed entry. They walked through the main throne room and into the dining hall looking to make themselves a bite to eat. The hallway's torches were darkened and everything was silent. Carefully stepping around where they assumed the empty dining hall table to be, they worked their way around the room and towards the kitchen, when suddenly, the room lit up revealing a table full of food.

"Surprise!" the white alicorn exclaimed. "Welcome back!"

Celestia was sitting at the end of the table waiting for them as she greeted them. Several servants circled the table carrying various trays covered with various kinds of food.

"Hey, I'm supposed to be the one to do stuff like this!" Pinkie pouted.

"Oh hush Pinkie, I had to do surprise birthday parties for Sweetie Belle when you were away on party business in Dodge City," Rarity said playfully. "Let the Princess have a little fun."

"Princess, what's all this for?" Twilight asked.

"You always want to show off don't you sister?" Luna asked rolling her eyes at the white alicorn.

"Well, I at the very least wanted to thank and congratulate Gordon on his first official success here in Equestria. I thought a nice dinner banquet for my new friend from Earth would be appropriate," she explained.

"Friend?" Gordon asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Why of course!" she exclaimed. "You have helped us so much already and you have been so good to us. I already consider you a friend. I certainly hope you can feel the same about us Gordon Ramsay."

Everyone turned to look at him as he looked around the room scanning everyone in sight. A blank expression remained on his face for ten solid seconds until he gave them a small smile and walked tiredly over to one of the servants carrying a tray of wine glasses and took one for himself.

"Oh well, I don't see why not," Gordon said cheerfully. "You've all been a very pleasant lot to be around. I can't see why we shouldn't be mates."

The entire dining hall erupted into jubilant cheers as they sat down and properly enjoyed the feast that the princess had made for them.

"Now that we've become friends, I can make a Welcome to Equestria party for you Gordy!" Pinkie exclaimed happily.

"Just give me a bit of head-up first Miss Pie," Gordon said firmly. "I would prefer my heart didn't jump right out of my chest whenever somebody tries to give me a surprise."

"No promises!" Pinkie giggled in a sing-song voice.

For the next hour, everyone say down as they enjoyed their tiny celebration conversing amongst each other about all of the things that they had to do during their respective capers. Celestia had one of her servants pour her and Gordon a glass of her finest red wine as she recounted her own experiences from the past few days.

"So, I hear you had quite an experience here as well while Twilight and I were dealing with Gourmand," Gordon stated.

"Why yes, members of the White Tail Deer Nation's royal family came here for a diplomatic visit," Celestia explained. "I have known their King for quite a long time. His kind is among the few groups of immortals other than Luna and I that are left on Equis."

"I heard a few things from Miss Rarity. They are deer correct?" Gordon asked. "The way they were described, it almost sounded like they were this crazy place's equivalent of high elves."

"Yes, in fact, I have read of the high elves you speak of in your fiction and I do see the connection. They dwell within the deepest parts of the Everfree forest where only one of their own would be able to reach. King Aspen brought his son Prince Bramble here to learn more about Equestria and to attempt to strengthen relations. And to ahem...meet me personally after our dinner banquet."

"Don't beat around thy proverbial bush dear sister. He wanted to see his "sweet Celly-poo," Luna teased. "And don't play coy with us, I have seen his dreams and I know how he feels about you. We half expected to come out with another nephew out of this experience. If we don't have another already."

Every guard and servant around the table snickered trying to keep themselves from laughing. Even Pinkie and Rainbow had to shove their hooves in their mouths to stifle their laughter.

"I can assure you, Luna, it's been over a decade since Aspen and I have done anything...of that nature," Celestia replied dryly.

"Oh, so we might have a half alicorn/half deer nephew roaming around that has come of age? Splendid!" Luna continued to tease. "At least we know thou's love life has not gotten stale and rusty since we left Equestria."

Gordon simply ate and drank as he watched the entertaining display before him. Celestia and Luna's conversation ended up with the two wrestling each other to the ground while Twilight and Rarity just sat there horrified. Pinkie sat down in a chair next to the human and pulled a comically sized bag of popcorn out of her mane.

The next morning after everypony had properly calmed down and gotten their sleep, Princess Celestia decided to take a small break letting Luna and Twilight take control of her daily duties while she took Gordon, Pinkie, and Rarity around the city. She first took them to the plaza of fountains where dozens of giant fountains shot streams of water over a hundred feet into the air. Celestia's small escort of royal guards dissuaded any passing noble ponies from disturbing the princess and her guests.

"Wow! That's rather pretty." Gordon said impressed. "Reminds me of the fountains in Madison Square Garden."

"Yes, I have always loved them. One of my more charming suitors during our first years here 1000 years ago had them built them for me as a potential courting gift. I turned him down, but I saw no reason to demolish them. They've turned into something of a beautiful tourist attraction for my little ponies."

"They look like they would make good swimming pools too! I got an itch for a cannonball!" Pinkie exclaimed excitedly.

"Don't you dare-" Rarity whispered dangerously.

Pinkie jumped and curled herself up into a cannonball as she splashed into the fountain and sprayed Gordon, Rarity, and the Princess. Rarity shrieked as she looked at her mane.

"Pinkie! Was that necessary?" Rarity whined. "You've ruined my mane! It will take an hour to fix this up."

Celestia gave a melodic laugh as water dripped from her now wet, disheveled mane. Then she did something that made Rarity's jaw drop. The princess leaped up high into the air with a goofy grin and smashed into the fountain beside Pinkie with a giant splash spraying everypony nearby. The very sight of the Princess's uncouth behavior made every onlooker faint dead away.

"Oh don't worry about that Rarity," Celestia giggled. "I can get your hair fixed in half that time."

After drying off and giving Pinkie a scolding, Rarity offered to take the group to a proper restaurant after the many days in Zesty Gourmand's subpar restaurant as she called it. She led them back towards Restaurant Row where every restaurant there was preparing for the lunch rush that was sure to come shortly. Taking a turn into an alley, the group saw what appeared to be a rustic little diner that was all too familiar to Pinkie and the fashionista.

"The Tasty Treat!" Pinkie exclaimed. "It's gonna be fun to see Saffron again!"

Pinkie jumped up to Gordon and comically floated in the air for a few seconds as she whispered into his ear.

"Just try not to mention her growing popularity on the internet," Pinkie said quietly. "It might get weird."

Gordon just raised an eyebrow at her before just nodding and pretended he knew what she was talking about.

"Oh yes, Twilight told me about this place where you and Rarity helped a mare and her father deal with their business and save their relationship." Celestia mused.

"Well, the outside appearance of a restaurant doesn't always make the restaurant," Gordon said thoughtfully.

"Well, let's go in shall we?" Rarity said.

Inside, they found the charming eatery filled with exotic decorations of which Gordon recognized as being from the pony equivalent of East Indian culture. The hardwood floors were adorned with ornate carpets that covered every foot of the restaurant. Glowing lights were hung from every rafter and chandelier to illuminate the room uniquely as ponies from every part of the city poured into the restaurant. Smells of various mouth-watering spices permeated through the air from the kitchen.

A waitress unicorn pony with brown fur, purple eyes, and a poofy black mane carrying a tray full of food noticed the group as she galloped up to them and gave Pinkie and Rarity a big hug.

"My dear friends, it is very good to see you all once again!" the mare exclaimed happily. "And to bring such glorious guests into our restaurant is spectacular of you."

"Well, you know us, Saffron, we always want to make a big impression on ponies," Rarity replied.

"We missed you Saffie! We figured we should stop by and show you our new friend Gordy!" Pinkie chattered.

"That's Gordon-oh nevermind," Gordon chuckled quietly.

The pony Rarity identified as Saffron Masala kneeled to show respect for the Princess.

"It is a great honor to meet you, your majesty," she said respectfully. "Thank you for coming to our little restaurant."

"None of that Ms. Masala. We are all friends here. Besides, the real one getting the treatment is our interdimensional guest here Chef Gordon Ramsay," Celestia said as she gestured towards the human.

Gordon stepped forward as he kneeled and kissed her hoof.

"A pleasure to meet you Miss Masala," Gordon said charmingly.

Saffron blushed as she quietly giggled at the human and brushed a lock of her black hair out of her face.

"The pleasure is mine Chef. It is not every day that we serve a guest from another world. I hope our curry dishes are to your liking."

"Well, I spent a good amount of time in my world's equivalent to your culture, learning how to make curry, so I'm hopeful."

"FATHER! WE HAVE ROYAL GUESTS! GET YOUR LARGE CUTARA OUT HERE!" Saffron bellowed.

Suddenly, loud banging and things falling onto the ground could be heard in the kitchen as a chubby pony with the same fur and mane color stumbled out of the back doors and clumsily stood up. When he set eyes on the Princess and Gordon, he galloped up to them and gave them a deep bow.

"Your highness! It is the greatest honor for you to unexpectedly grace my humble restaurant," the pony said. "I am Coriander Cumin. I welcome you and your human friend to The Tasty Treat."

"How do you know about humans Coriander?" Rarity asked.

"Princess Twilight's own human friend was here a few months ago," he explained. "The boy was quite enthralled with my cooking."

"Well then, I'm sure you shouldn't have much problem with me then," Gordon laughed.

Saffron and Coriander led the group to a large open table booth which was covered in an earthen green cloth and surrounded by plush maroon red pillows. A single glowing lantern sat in the middle of the table, illuminating the space even more. Saffron levitated menus over to the group for them to look at as she set up the table.

"What would our esteemed guests like? May I recommend our famous curry oat cake as a starting appetizer?" Saffron asked with a large toothy grin.

"I think that would actually be lovely!" Gordon exclaimed. "While humans definitely cannot eat grass and flowers, oats are pretty palatable in a vegetarian diet."

"Yes, I think that sounds just delightful!" Celestia agreed.

Saffron dashed into the kitchen to get their appetizers as the group scanned the menus for potential choices for their lunch orders. In no time at all, she brought out a large tray full of appetizer plates and sat them down as she prepared to take their primary entree orders.

"Now, what may I get for you?" Saffron asked.

"Let's see. I'll order your Creamy Vegetable Korma," Rarity said.

"I'll have those yummy sounding Curried Carrots and Pickles!" Pinkie chattered.

"The Palak Paneer for me please," Celestia asked.

Gordon looked at the various selections on the colorful menu until his eyes laid upon a familiar dish.

"I'll have the Tikka Masala," Gordon finally stated.

"Excellent! I shall have them out as soon as possible!" Saffron said as she took their menus and dashed back into the kitchen.

The group talked amongst each other as their food was being prepared. Gordon wanted to know how they knew of The Tasty Treat and how they met Saffron Masala.

"So, I heard something about you and Miss Pie coming to this restaurant to help these two ponies in some way Rarity?" Gordon asked.

"Why yes, Pinkie Pie and I were tasked with coming here by the Map in Twilight's Castle." Rarity explained. "Saffron and Coriander were having a rather serious family problem with each other."

"What was the problem exactly?"

They were having disagreements. Saffron thought that they could revive the business with her new ideas for recipes and Coriander was just about convinced that closing their restaurant for good was the only option. Their business was suffering greatly as well thanks to Zesty Gourmand's rating system at the time. I foolishly thought Zesty's system would have benefited them because it seemed to work a short while with other restaurants, but it only ended up hurting them."

"So we just convinced Coriander to let Saffy do her stuff with her new ideas for recipes and the restaurant properly took off!" Pinkie finished.

"Quite an accomplishment. Family disagreements like that can be very difficult to resolve sometimes, as I've learned on my show, but I am glad to see it worked out well enough for you two."

"Family members fight all the time, but the important thing to remember in any good family is that you love each other no matter what," Celestia wisely said.

Thirty minutes later, Saffron emerged with two large serving trays in her magical grasp as their meals were finally ready. Gordon was the first to receive his meal as his eyes first caught the vibrant color of the spiced curry sauce that covered the chunks of tofu and rice. Gordon was impressed with the presentation of the dishes that Saffron had prepared for the group. The only thing to test now was the taste. Gordon scooped a piece of tofu and rice as he placed it into his mouth. Several pleasant warming flavors danced across his tongue as his hopefulness for Saffron's food was fulfilled. The group ate their full as their lunch was quickly downed. Gordon offered, but Celestia insisted that she pay for their meal as she left a hefty tip.

"I could retire right now and be completely happy," Gordon said happily as they left the restaurant. "What about you Princess?"

"I wouldn't know. Retirement was never an option for my sister and me due to our immortality." Celestia replied. "It would just be ducking our responsibilities. But I do understand your metaphor."

"Yeah...It's kinda funny to think that there are writers out there who think that
you two would actually do that," Pinkie said as she looked towards the unseen audience with an unamused face.

Suddenly, a scroll appeared out of thin air with a pop from a ghostly green flame. Celestia reacted as she grabbed the message and began to unroll it. Her eyes quickly darted across the letter as she turned to Gordon and the others with a big smile.

"Pack your bags, Gordon. You and the rest of the girls are heading to Griffonstone first thing tomorrow. It seems there is another Kitchen Nightmare up there for you to tackle," Celestia said.

Next Time: Casing Greta the Crazy Griffon

Intermission: Morning of the Trip to the Griffon Lands

Author's Note

Just a little intermission chapter to tide you guys over. I have a few Ideas I'm dabbling with, so bear with me here.

Apparently this one I've been told has a bunch of grammar issues, so let me know if you good folks find anything.

Intermission: Morning of the Trip to the Griffon Lands

Gordon began to stir as the soft golden rays of the morning sun steadily shone on his face. The gentle warm feeling was relaxing and invigorating for his mind and body. It was probably the most restful sleep that the human chef had in a while. The list of luxuries of an Equestrian royal guest bedroom certainly was not short. Silken sheets made from Crystallian Ice Worms, a blanket stitched together by the finest sorceress seamstresses in Canterlot and feather pillows stuffed with the feathers of Zebrican Crimson Ostriches accompanied by its own luxurious enchanted cloud pillowcase to give the occupant the best support possible. And to top all of it, it included a perpetual enchanted cloud mattress mixed with Mareuvian Wandering Spider web silk gathered by a mysterious pony obsessed with jelly foals, bowties, long scarves, and the color blue. No hotel he has ever been to could compare. The only thing that felt off to Gordon was that there was a strange pressure on his chest that went all the way down to his nether regions.

Daring to open his eyes, Gordon slowly opened them, and the first thing he saw right in front of his face was a curly mess of pink poofy hair. His confusion immediately skyrocketed as his brain desperately tried to understand what he was looking at. When he tried to lift his head to get a proper look at whatever it was, two massive lifted and stared back at him. The eyes were full of untamed energy and excitement as two words caused Gordon to throw himself out of bed.

"MORNING SLEEPY!"

"HOLY FUCK!"

He threw whatever it was off of him and rolled out of bed and onto the hard floor with a thump.

"Oooh! That didn't look like fun. Well, I did come to tell you that we are all packed up and ready to head out sleepy head. We're gonna see Gilda!" exclaimed the owner of the familiar voice.

Then the owner of the voice bounced off somewhere as Gordon began to process what had just happened.

A few minutes later, Gordon got himself dressed into casual clothing as he made his way out of his room and started making his way towards the royal dining hall. The Daytime Guard had already switched out the Night Guard and begun patrolling the castle for the day. One of them was walking in the same direction as him. A guard mare with a wide gait and a dirty blonde mane. Gordon could swear that he had seen her standing guard outside of his room a few times, but it was difficult to tell if all the guards shared the same mane and fur colors.

Gordon came into the dining hall to find the Royal Princesses and the girls eating fruit salads with plates of sunny side up eggs served on the side. His team wasn't there, so he assumed that they were still asleep.

"Gordon, good morning. I hope that you had a pleasant rest." Celestia melodiously greeted.

"Oh sure, it's just my awakening that got a little precarious," he said as he looked at the oblivious Pinkie Pie with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, Pinkie has done that to me at least five times now," Rainbow Dash chuckled.

"Six times," Twilight added tiredly.

Celestia politely giggled with her hoof up to her muzzle before taking another sip of her morning coffee.

"Well, I hope a little bit of food before your long trip will help. Griffonstone is at least two days away by train and the next train to Griffonstone leaves at 3 in the afternoon. We would go with you since your mission is also political in nature, but Luna and I both need to be here when King Aspen's daughter Princess Cherry arrives. She's known to be judgemental and demanding, so everything must be set up perfectly.

"Ah, that's alright." Gordon insisted as he sat down at the table. "I'll make sure as to not have too much fun without you two."

"Be sure that you don't milord Ramsay," Luna said dreamily. "We wish to show you many eateries in our fair city that have not met our quota."

As he began to eat his breakfast, he started discussions with them on what to expect in the Griffon Lands once they finally reach Griffonstone. A little bit of information to prepare couldn't hurt."

"I wasn't allowed to go there last time, so I'm just a little bit in the dark too. But from what I understand, their city was completely in disrepair." the lavender mare explained.

"Yeah, when Pinkie and I got there, Griffonstone was a total dump," Rainbow said disappointingly. Griffons were living in rotting houses, their food supplies looked pretty low, and their city defenses looked really awful."

"There was a lot of messed up books, destroyed buildings, broken branches, it looked worse than a New Year's party at my house!" Pinkie exclaimed as she stuffed her face with fruit.

"Your house always looks bad after every party Pinkie darling," Rarity snidely remarked.

"True, but it's more fun that way!"

"Regardless," Luna said to get the subject back on track. "Ever since our last skirmish with the Griffon Empire a thousand years ago, their country has been on the decline ever since. Even their most recent King Guto was unable to properly unite their nation and restore it to glory. More and more griffons have been moving permanently to Equestria to become citizens and they have become less and less trusting to foreigners."

"Even with Gilda, there's still a long way to go to getting Griffonstone to lighten up," Rainbow said.

"So a town filled with aggressive douchebags," Gordon reiterated. "Sounds like New York on a Monday morning. Or a typical Friday morning in San Francisco. Nothing I can't handle. I've dealt with all of them."

"All I can tell you is that we might not be able to help you once you head out of Equestria and into Griffon territory. That's why I'm sending Twilight and her friends to accompany you." Celestia stated.

"The biggest question though is who am I supposed to be helping and/or improving?"

Celestia grabbed a scroll with her magical grasp and handed it off to Gordon who unfurled it and read the message inside.

"We received that message from our Elite Solar Guard outpost there in Griffonstone. Apparently, the same mysterious afflictions affecting Equestria have also been affecting some remote cities and towns. One of our Elite Praetorians there fell ill after visiting a local bakery. I believe they called it Greta's Baking Company."

"Oh yeah! Dashie and I know Greta!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Since we have returned from the moon, we personally hoof picked out the best and brightest of our guard ponies to become our Elite Praetorians Gordon Ramsay. They go through the most rigorous training of body, mind, and spirit and learn war tactics that haven't been used since our suitor Lord Leo Neighdus was still alive. If something has caused them to fall ill, there is surely something horrendous there that deserves our attention. I must implore you to find whatever is causing this."

"I'll certainly give it 110 percent of effort," Gordon replied.

"Who is Greta?" Twilight asked. "I don't think you mentioned her."

"When we visited Griffonstone to help them with their friendship problem, Greta was Gilda's neighbor I think. Gilda tried being friendly with her, but she didn't like her at first. But after Pinkie's little baking lesson, they hit it off pretty well. From her last letter, I guess they have been doing okay, but that's been at least a month ago since her last letter. I hope everything is alright."

"Didn't you tell me that she was...uhhh...asking about me Rainbow?" Spike nervously questioned.

"Yeah, it's kinda embarrassing. Ever since she saw you in Ponyville, she's been wanting to properly meet you. Something about "seeking a potential relationship" with another carnivore, I dunno," she shrugged.

Spike and Twilight's faces heated up.

"Gilda's a big birdy, she'll be okay." Pinkie assured. "If she isn't alright, we will just have to do something about that."

Pinkie giggled mischievously causing everyone in the room to give her looks of concern and vague fear.

After breakfast, the Princess helped Gordon gather the rest of his crew as he started packing for their long train ride. Rainbow sent a message to her friend there in the city that they would be arriving soon. That way, they could have a guide throughout the city. Rarity spent the day buying cold-weather clothing for the entire group in the city before they had to head to the train station. She had enough money left over from the Spring business rush to splurge on many expensive things.

Twilight was in the royal library for a few hours reading up on Griffon politics in an attempt to be sure that she could be as diplomatic as possible when visiting a foreign land. Pinkie was holed up in the royal kitchen, baking a giant cake for Gilda and planning a party for her. She had learned that her birthday was a few weeks ago so she took it upon herself to plan something great for her.

Applejack, Fluttershy, and Spike remained in the castle as they accompanied Celestia for a few hours to observe her Day Court. It was relatively boring, listening to all of the whining politicians, some having ulterior motives which Celestia spotted almost immediately. Like every day, a few noble ponies even came in tried courting the Princess to gain a higher position of power. Each time, Celestia was forced to gently put them down and send them on their way. It concerned Applejack greatly for the Princesses' safety should a noble pony decide to take his advances a few steps too far.

The hours passed until it was finally time to head off to the train station. The sun was still high overhead and the temperature slowly began to rise. Gordon and his team gathered their equipment as they followed the girls back across the city. The princesses took a few minutes to see them off as they finally departed for the Griffon Lands far to the north.

Next: Casing a Mad Griffon

Casing a Crazy Griffon

Gordon did not anticipate how long the coming train ride would be once he and his motley crew of ponies, humans, and a dragon stepped off of the terminal and into the train. Only a few dozen other ponies came on to the train headed for Griffonstone. The chef hypothesized most likely because of the great distance to the city and hostility of the Griffons scares most ponies off. From what little he had heard about the griffons, apparently, they were mostly omnivorous like humans were. With an instinctive lean more towards meat rather than vegetables. However, he would have plenty of time to think of all of these things, and more after hearing the projected time of reaching the Griffon Lands by train would take a solid three days to undertake. The Princesses were there at the terminal to wish the group luck as the train began to depart from the terminal.

The last thing Gordon's attention was on before they left was how Luna was gazing dreamily into his eyes. He could have sworn he saw her saying something rather suggestive to him as the train moved further away, but he convinced himself that his eyes were just playing tricks on him. It unsettled the man, to say the least leaving him with confusing, disturbing, and rather pleasant dreams the following night.

Gordon and his production team were forced to bunk with each of the girls in separate rooms that housed eight people each. Twilight trusted him enough, so she chose to share the same bed with him on a top bunk. Rarity, Pinkie, and three other members of Gordon's crew bunked together in each of the other cots while Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack had to bunk together with Gordon's director Jay.

"I'm so sorry about this Gordon, the train to Griffonstone doesn't typically carry a lot of passengers, so I'm assuming there isn't much of a need for a bunch of bedroom cars here." Twilight apologized.

"Ah, that's alright. No harm done. It will be like camping with a mate," he replied cheerfully.

"Mate?" she asked beginning to feel her face begin to heat up.

"Friend".

"Oh, yes. That's right. Mate is also another word for friend, not...something else..eheheheh," she replied sheepishly.

The rest of the first day passed relatively quickly as it was spent getting their luggage stowed away. Most of which belonged to Rarity who had brought over fifty cases with her to promote her business in Griffonstone. Gordon's crew found places for their luggage under each bunk bed as they settled in for their long trek. The second day was spent relaxing in the lounge car with a few other ponies and griffons who had taken the trip to visit family and friends. A couple of obstructions found their way onto the tracks now and then that blocked the train's rapid progress north. One of them was a small tribe of Buffalo who were making their way to the east for their yearly migration. After a heated argument with the engineers, the train was soon back on its way.

The second unfortunate obstruction came in the form of a small band of rogue Caribou who were trying to cause trouble with the mares on the train. They tried forcing their way on board, but Twilight and Gordon quickly made short work of them as Twilight threw two of them over a hundred feet into the air, and Gordon drop kicked two in the jaws and broke their back legs with a meat tenderizer. They were left unconscious in the snow as they quickly moved on before the Caribou could regain consciousness. All the passengers came to their car to thank and congratulate them, including the conductor who had the train's chef prepare their absolute best food for the group. Much to the conductor's delight, Gordon gave their kitchen staff a four-star rating on their food and went to bed that night thoroughly satisfied.

As soon as the train passed through the Northern border, vast plains of emerald green grass gave way to the snow-covered tundra as the train went into its third day of travel north. For a hundred more miles the train was able to go until the border of the Griffon Lands became visible. A checkpoint was waiting there with a group of mountain guides through the cliffs of the Northern Mountains.

The trek was arduous and dangerous as the ponies and the humans alike had to lug heavy equipment through twenty miles of steep inclines and knee-deep snow. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash had brought their old mountaineering hats to keep themselves warm. Gordon couldn't help but make a mental comparison to Mongolian headwear as he stared at the hats. Twilight resorted to using a snowplow spell in an attempt to make the journey somewhat safer as they marched onwards through the unforgiving weather. Once or twice, Gordon nearly slipped and fell but was saved by a lasso tether Applejack took the liberty of placing on to all of them.

Finally, they made it to the great city of Griffonstone, which was in average condition compared to when Rainbow and Pinkie last saw it. Griffons were in the process of repairing the tree city's limbs with thousands of scaffolds and repairing many houses that had been damaged or destroyed. Twilight became livid and manic once she saw how in disarray their city library was with pages and books scattered about all over the city. Rarity loaned her fainting couch when she was unable to handle the sight.

"Just let her have a few minutes," Spike humorously said as he started fanning her. "You guys head over to Gilda's and see what is up."

"You sure Spike? We could wait if you want," Gordon courteously offered.

"Nah, that's alright. The same thing happened when her other human friend showed her those "Dead Sea Scroll" thingies you guys have on Earth. She just has a hard time seeing damaged literature. It's up there with her fear of gooey cheeses."

"Heheheh, thanks for the tip, Spike. Now I know what to do for Nightmare Night in a few months." Rainbow chuckled darkly.

As they passed through the streets, Gordon saw that he was being noticed by many of the griffons living there. A lot of them stared at him suspiciously

They made it to the main street of the city where Rainbow Dash and Pinkie walked up to a tall but rather run-down four-story building. It was more in disarray than the others which all seemed to have construction crews working on renovating them.

"Is this where your friend lives?" Gordon asked nervously. "I would like to avoid going into a building where the floors could collapse."

"Well Gilda hasn't been answering my letters, so I figured going to the source would be best," Rainbow said thoughtfully.

"Yuck, why is she living in such a horrid place?" Rarity asked disgustedly as she flinched away at every speck of trash littering the area around the building.

"Oh dear, I hope she's alright," Fluttershy said thoughtfully.

"We'll just have to play things by ear and be careful once we get in there," Applejack concluded.

They went inside which was just as run down as the exterior of the building. The stairs creaked with every step as they climbed each flight. When they made it to the top floor, Rainbow Dash came to a door with scratch marks on it that looked very recent. Gordon was able to vaguely hear the sound of muffled sobbing just beyond the door.

"Gil? Are you there pal?" Rainbow called into the door.

They heard some shifting around and a tired voice groans from the other side of the door and then a thump onto the floor.

"D-Dash?"

"Come on! Open the door! I've been worried! You haven't answered any of my letters!" Rainbow chided.

Pinkie leaned up to Gordon to whisper into his ear.

"Can we chill it on the foodie stuff until Gilda is hunkey dory?" she asked. "She needs some TLC and huggies."

"Oh sure, go ahead. I'm in no rush here. We aren't exactly on a tight schedule. Family and friends come first and all of that." Gordon replied kindly.

Sounds of over a dozen latches, chains, and locks being undone could be heard as the door finally cracked open slightly to reveal a dark room. A dreary, feathery face peeked out from behind the door to meet her guests. Streaks could be seen coming down her eyes as she vainly tried to put on a tough facade.

"Dash? Pink? What are you two doing here?"

"Well, first of all, we've been worried," Rainbow replied. "As I said, you haven't been answering any of my letters."

"Yeah, don't you like us anymore?" Pinkie said as she gave Gilda a quivering lip.

"Please...just go. I don't want you to see me like this," Gilda begged with her voice breaking.

"Like what?"

"....Weak, lame, and vulnerable."

Rainbow just smiled and gave a small chuckle.

"Gil, you are always awesome no matter what happens. You are the most awesome girl I know next to myself and Daring Do Please, open the door. We can help, whatever's going on with ya."

"Yeah, we love you, Gilly!" Pinkie whined. "I can throw you a new party if you want?"

She opened the door a bit more where they could properly see her. Her feathers and fur were unkempt and dirty as if she had gotten into a fight. Bruises and welts covered parts of her body that barely covered over a dozen scratches. The griffon looked exhausted as shown by the bags that were beginning to develop under her eyes.

"GILDA! Are you alright? What happened? What bucktard did this to you?" Rainbow asked frantically as she zipped over close to her.

"You should see the other guys," she chuckled weakly.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Fluttershy said as she flew up and started gently prodding the griffon.

Gilda started chuckling and groaning as the pegasus started scanning her body.

"Flutters, what are ya doing? Stop that! I can only take so much abuse." she chuckled weakly.

"What happened?" Twilight asked.

"Princess Twilight? What are you and these other guys doing here?" she asked as she looked around at the other girls and the humans.

"Well like we said, we were here to look for you to see how you were doing. We also heard that a restaurant around here has been getting Solar Praetorian Guards sick. We thought we might pick your brain about that." Twilight explained.

Gilda wiped her eyes and looked at each of the group, including the humans up and down with a tired gaze until she finally relented.

"Sure, whatever. Come in."

As they went in, Gordon caught Gilda staring at Gordon curiously. The inside of her apartment was in a complete state of disarray. Empty food packages laid all over the floor, dirty t-shirts hanging from the couch, large stacks of mail were right by the front door. Gilda brushed garbage off of the couch to let the group sit down. Gordon and his crew were fine standing as the griffon hen tried to compose herself.

"What the hell happened Gil? Why didn't you write back or visit?" Rainbow asked concerned as she wrapped her foreleg around Gilda's neck.

The griffon looked like she wasn't going to respond at first but Pinkie stood up, sat next to her, and gave her a pleading look.

"Pretty please?"

After a few seconds, she let out a deep sigh and began to recount her tale.

"Greta bucking happened that's what," she muttered angrily with red eyes. "I try making friends and a solid business with another griffon and she stabs me in back. It happened...not too long after you and Pink left Griffonstone. Greta and I met up a few times, she seemed to like my sweets and my scones. So we met up a few times and exchanged a few ideas. We eventually got enough money together to build a bakery. After a few months, things started to change. Greta started stealing money and changing my recipes."

"That's awful!" Rarity gasped.

"And on top of all that, she's written me out of ownership of the bakery," Gilda growled. "She had the Griffon Mercenary Guild throw me out of my own damn bakery. They were the ones who....did this to me. I thought I made a good friend, but she stabbed me in the bucking back!"

She motioned to the numerous injuries all across her body. Fluttershy pulled clean bandages out of her pouch and then began to silently wrap her wounds up. Gilda just remained quiet and somber while she did this, thinking it would help her mood.

"Whoever did this to you is gonna wish they'd never been born," Rainbow threatened.

"Though it's impossible to control who your friends hang out with, it is possible to control your own behavior. Just continue to be a good friend. In the end, the difference between a false friend and one who is true will come to light." Twilight recanted quietly.

"What's that?" Gordon asked.

"...Something I learned a while ago. And ironically enough, at first, Gilda WAS that false friend, but now Rainbow and Pinkie are like family to her. It's just kind of funny how things turn out."

Gordon and Twilight continued listening to Gilda until Gordon had a thought that came into his head.

"Sounds like a legal issue and a serious attitude issue. I've dealt with that kind of thing before," Gordon stated matter of factly. "Anything we could do about that Twilight? This whole thing sounds incredibly illegal. I don't care what country or world you are from."

She put her hoof up to her chin in a thinking manner.

"Well we would have to see the documentation that she's talking about, and then prove that Greta is unfit to own the restaurant. Unfortunately, we would have to get Steward Denethor of the city to cooperate with us".

"Steward? I heard somewhere that the griffons had royalty."

"Not for a while. King Guto was the last king, and then the royal family just disappeared. Some say his daughter Princess Anise Starzia escaped to Equestria, but the reports are fuzzy at best. Now the city's Steward has pretty much-assumed power."

'Well that sure sounds familiar', Gordon thought.

"Well, if she's making your special forces sick, then I'm assuming that would be ample enough reason to get his permission to look into it."

"Gilda, we may be able to help you get your restaurant back," Twilight stated.

Gilda looked at Twilight with a brief glare, but when Rainbow patted her shoulder comfortingly, she mellowed out and decided to hear what the alicorn had to say.

"Really? What can you do? The guards around here have been pretty much paid off, so they won't listen to me."

"Oh, you'd be surprised on how many people and ponies I've been able to convince. Even if they are greedy, corrupt griffons. Given the right incentive anyway."

So for the next few minutes, Twilight introduced Gordon and his team to her and explained her plan on how to properly deal with Greta if they can at all. Her first order of business was to get the authority of the city's Steward to enter Greta's restaurant as a dignitary since she has no official power in the Griffon Lands. Gordon meanwhile was tasked with sending a letter to Greta and setting up camera equipment so that she can expect his arrival. Rarity decided to take the time to take measurements of Gilda to see if she can come up with proper clothing for Griffons, considering that she's only catered to ponies, a zebra, and a short, stalky dragon. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie sat with Gilda as they just talked and talked in an attempt to help her feel better.

"By the way," Rainbow started. You wouldn't happen to know where Silver Quill is, would you? He was supposed to bring me your mail since Griffon mail is cheaper across the border, but I haven't seen that or him for a while now."

"I'm keeping him in the closet over there," she said nonchalantly as she pointed to a door with her thumb. "He's been flirting with me for a while, so I thought that would mellow him out."

"Chef, is it okay if you can...ya know?" Rainbow motioned to the door.

Gordon went over and opened the door. A griffon fell out with his beak taped shut and his arms and legs bound. He seemed to be screaming from behind his gag. Gordon carefully peeled back a little bit of the tape and then ripped it off.

"Oh thank Celestia! I thought I was done for. She had me stuffed in there for days and would only let me out for food and water! Though this kind of thing is what I usually do to ponies and it does feel somewhat nice. Princess Luna did it to me but then she started to feel me up"

Gordon slapped the tape back onto his face before the hippogriff could continue that disturbing sentence.

"Well, enough of that. Let's see if we can't get started on our next project shall we?" Gordon stated with forced cheerfulness.

Two days later, Gordon sends Twilight and his team along with a griffon noble to Greta's Baking Company to inform them of his arrival and begin recording footage for the upcoming Nightmare. The griffon noble was sent alongside Twilight to prove her authority in the city and to act as the instrument of the Steward's will. He was more than cordial and respectful with Twilight when she was introduced to him, so she appreciated his company. Though she couldn't help but stare at him from time to time. His resemblance to another griffon from her past was almost uncanny. She debated with herself on whether or not she should bring this up at all.

The bakery was located in a barren sector of the tree city where only a few houses scattered about dwelled. High gusts of wind in this area prevented the group from flying in which meant three miles of walking to the bakery.

The kindly old Griffon noble walking with her seemed awfully familiar, so Twilight decided to spark up a friendly conversation.

"Forgive me for prying, Count but did you say your name was Le Grand? You wouldn't happen to be related to a baker named Gustav would you?"

"Oui, your highness. My youngest son. We sent him to the finest schools in Equestria to get a good education and to learn the culinary arts." he explained. "Do you know him?"

"Sort of. I met him on the Canterlot Express on the way to the Canterlot Dessert Contest a few years back." she admitted casually."

"Oh yes, he told me about that. I'm to assume that the purple unicorn was you then?"

"Lavender, but yeah."

"I thank you then for helping to clear my son's name," he said respectfully with a short bow. "You and your....colorful pink friend."

"We were happy to help. I certainly look forward to working with you Count Le Grand."

"And I you Princess. Assisting that wonderfully odd "human" as you call him will bring some excitement into my old life."

After thirty minutes of walking, they finally made it to the site of the restaurant where they saw a big line going into the immaculate building. The building was clean and tidy on the outside, except for the calligraphy sign that had the word Gilda scratched out and replaced with Greta in a tacky black marker. Twilight felt somewhat confident for the first few minutes prepared to see if the interior was just as tidy as the outside until they made it to the door and opened it to see a screaming match between a customer and one of the owners.

"YOU MUTHAHFUCKAH, GET THE FUCK OUT!"

"JUST GIVE ME THE GUTO DAMN REFUND!!!"

"GET THE HELL OUT BEFORE YOU GET FUCKED UP!!!"

"FINE YOU DUMB TURKEY!!! I'LL JUST MAKE SURE ALL MY FRIENDS STAY FAR AWAY FROM THIS SHIT HOLE OF A BAKERY!"

Twilight and the Count just looked at each other with shrunken pupils and absolutely terrified faces as they said one solitary word.

"Mother"

Next Time: Greta's Baking Company - Part 1

Author's Note

This chapter here features a bunch of references and two reference mashed into one. Lets see if you can spot them.

Sorry for taking a bit long to get this one out, I've been a little busy with a bunch of stuff.

I hope you guys are enjoying this. As always. Constructive criticism and ideas are always welcome as long as they are civil.

If you really want to down vote, at least give me the courtesy of knowing why, so i can attempt to improve my work.

Greta's Baking Company part 1 (EDIT: 1/2/19)

Author's Note

I hope you guys like this one. Forgive me if you find a bunch of typos, until I get a new charger for my laptop, Im forced to type these chapters out on a phone.

As always, like subscribe, and tell me what you think below

Greta's Baking Company part 1 (EDIT: 1/2/19)

While Twilight and Count Le Grand took the business of going to Greta's Baking Company to inform Greta of their authority to evaluate her restaurant. Gordon and the rest of the girls remained behind in an attempt to help Gilda get out of her emotional rut. Gordon tried helping by making her an excellent meal with stuff she had lying around the house, and thankfully it seemed to be working.

Going to her pantry, he found a few ingredients that he could use to make a great omelet. Then he went to her tiny stove and turned it on with Rarity's help. Pulling out a pan from one of the cupboards, he placed it on the stove and poured a small amount of oil into it.

"Just watch, this is awesome," Rainbow said excitedly to Gilda.

"First, we pour the oil in and get it piping hot." he started. "Then we go to a cutting board and cut up some of these mushrooms, tomatoes, and onions."

Pulling a knife out of her drawer and began to cut up the veggies and slip them into the pan, hearing it sizzle as they started to cook.

"Add a pinch of salt," he added as he sprinkled salt into the pan.

He started to shake the pan around which mixed the flavors around.

Pulling out another unknown spice, he opened it up and gave it a deep whiff, nodding approvingly when he liked what he was smelling.

"Sort of reminds me of a Moroccan spice I have used back home. I'll add a small pinch of that as well. But afterward, you want to drain the mushrooms, or else they will get the eggs all watery and you don't want that."

He then pulled out a carton of eggs he had found in her refrigerator and generously cracked five of them into a bowl. Pulling out a fork, he started to slowly beat the eggs into a viscous yellow goo.

"Lightly season those eggs, and then slowly pouring them in, mixing and mixing as you go. You want to get a nice distribution of mushrooms all across the plate."

He slowly stirred everything around with the fork, letting the heat of the pan do the work.

"Then we sprinkle a thin layer of cheese all on to that, and start the process of folding it in half," he continued as he lifted the pan on one side.

Grabbing a spatula and a plate, he delicately lifted the omelet from the pan and let gravity fold it in half as he slid everything onto a plate where he finished off his creation with a decorative piece of basil he found in the cupboard. He presented the dish to the griffon who gladly accepted the food and began wolfing it down as if she had just gone through a breakup.

"Holy shit, what do you call this?" Gilda asked pleasingly as she pitifully shoveled the food down her beak.

"A mushroom omelet with onions, chopped tomatoes, and a couple of habaneros I found in that tiny garden of yours," Gordon explained happily.

"You have a garden?" Fluttershy cooed.

"I don't usually say this to people, but buck, that's heavenly," Gilda complimented with her mouth full. "I'd weh yo bwoak meh heh rot naw on da floo ih I wadnt sa depressed."

"What was that my darling?"

"NOTHING, NOTHING, IMPORTANT!" Rainbow shouted abruptly as she rushed over with a heated face and started moving Gilda's beak for her, helping her chew."C'mon Gil, don't ya know it ain't polite to talk with your mouth full?"

"Like your one to talk darling. You and Applejack are the messiest eaters I know," Rarity added with a raised eyebrow.

"Can't argue with that!" Applejack chuckled.

"Oh, ya know me. Helpful Rainbow Dash, always trying to help out," she said sheepishly while Gilds has a look of utter confusion on her face.

After Gilda finished her comfort food, she calmed down enough to properly sit down and talk to them.

Rainbow and Pinkie remained silent as they heard Gilda's stories about all of the things that had happened during the months after they left from their first visit to Griffonstone. Gilda's newfound kindness had inspired the descendants of the old Griffon Empire's nobility under Guto to regain power in the form of a fledgling Griffon Republic. She explained how wealth started being distributed around instead of just being hoarded by individuals, which was a challenge to conquer in itself. Then she went into all of the things that she had to do to put together the restaurant. Some of which were heartbreaking for the rest of the girls to hear.

"I put all of my bucking life savings into building that bakery," Gilda sobbed. "Thanks to her and that bucking boyfriend of hers, I'm pretty much broke now. Except for a few bare-bones sacks of bits I get from Grandpa Gruff. I only get just enough for basic food, drink, and a few grooming things now and then."

"This whole thing sounds incredibly illegal and criminal. Aren't the nobles or your police doing anything about it?" Gordon asked concerned.

"Until you guys came around, the new nobility has been more interested in setting up their new government than helping little griffons like me."

For the next two hours, all of their discussions and thoughts with Gilda continued to devolve into unpleasant territory until the group heard an awful grumbling. They looked around and found that the grumbling had come from the tiny adolescent dragon.

"Sorry, I think I might have eaten something on the train that might be disagreeing with--"

BLEAUGH!!

He let out a huge belch of green flames and smoke which conjured a scroll bearing her seal.

"Excuse me". he said sheepishly.

Rarity walked over to the scroll and gingerly picked it up in her magical grasp as she unfurled it and began to read it for all to hear.

Gordon.
Bring Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack to the Bakery with you. Tell Spike, Rainbow, and Pinkie though to stay behind and look after Gilda. It looks like she could really use the company.

With a bit of magical threatening and the presence of two members of royalty, one of them being myself, I've finally convinced this Greta to open the bakery's kitchens and storage to you. Your production team is already in the process of setting up your equipment. Her Neigyptian boyfriend Garai is being kinda difficult. I was hoping that you can help me mellow him out, Gordon.

With love,
Twilight

"Alrighty then, let's get a move on shall we?" Gordon declared as he began walking out of Gilda's apartment.

"Wait a minute. Gordon was it?" Gilda asked as she stopped him.

"Do you really think you can help me or bring down the bakery? Greta and that retard Garai are a lost cause, but they still kicked my ass."

"Oh don't you worry Ms. Gruff," Gordon reassured the morose hen. "You'll find that I'm a really tough bird too."

"If they try to give ya grief, you could always use me to break some bones sugar cube." Applejack offered.

"Isn't that a little excessive Applejack?" Fluttershy asked timidly.

"Maybe," the farmer shrugged. "I don't know though. I just got a strange feeling that a bit of hoof throwin and buckin might be needed."

Meanwhile, at the restaurant, Twilight and Count Le Grand were having problems trying to get through a sea of customers and brawls trying to help Gordon's production team set up their equipment. Gordon's producer pulled Greta aside for their customary interview with the "owner" before operations with the Nightmare went underway. Afterward, the producers decide to record a few hours of the restaurant's typical activities before Gordon and the others arrive.

"So how does this work exactly?" Greta asked. "Why do I have to do this Princess?"

"Just listen to them," Twilight scolded.

"Just look into this little black box here, and tell us a bit about yourself. It's for the show."

"Alright, whatever. I guess I'll start by saying a "former" friend of mine helped me discover that I had a real good talent for anything having to do with food." Greta explained "So about a year or two ago, Garai, ahem acquired and invested one million bits from my "former" friend to help build this restaurant But I'm in the food business and it's not all sunshine, teacakes, and kittens like those wimpy ponies down South would lead you to believe. Not long ago though, when griffons found out they can make money off of saying they don't like something, critics and reviewers have been popping up saying they ate the food and they think it belongs at the bottom of a hole. Yeah, we lost some business thanks to those assholes."

"There's a lot of problems with the food here, a blonde furred griffon waitress explained to her interviewers. "Too overdone, too undercooked, too much of one spice. But if anyone has criticism for them, Garai just tells them something along the lines of you have no idea what food tastes like."

<----->

"So you don't even fucking know what is even wrong with it? Garai asks one of his patrons angrily. "Why the fuck are bothering me then huh?"

"If anyone dares to tell me that Greta's food is no good, I just have my bouncers force them out and tell them to never come back," Garai says menacingly as he motions to his mercenary guards by the front door.

<----->

"Not only are they so mean to the customers, but they also retaliate by nearly poisoning their food." the waitress exclaims. "It really makes me miss how nice Ms. Gilda was to everyone. She was so nice to me and everyone that worked here. I hope she's okay."

"Did you have some kind of relationship with Gilda?" the interviewer asked.

Her face turned beet red as she rapidly shook her head.

"No, no, nothing like that. I like to think anyway that we're friends. I was terribly timid when I was still in school. I was picked on a lot for avoiding fights and being vegetarian. Which, as you can imagine is rare here in Griffonstone. Miss Gilda stuck up for me a lot and when I got out of school, she gave me a job at her restaurant."
<----->

Looking around to see that nobody can see her, Greta sneaks a powerful pepper spice into a patron's meal.

"Maybe a bit of toxic mountain pepper spice will tune that fucker up. I really hope it hurts him," she growls.

<---->

"In my place, the customer is not always right. I'm here to make money, not take shit from anyone."

"If this "human" has any honor or credibility as the Count and the pony princess say, then he should be here to tell the people what good food is."

<----->

The waitress Goldie Pheasant is the only server on staff, but she isn't allowed to handle bits, pour drinks, or write order tickets for the kitchen.

"Garai doesn't let any of us do anything," Goldie says annoyed. "I think it hurts his male hood if any of us chicks do stuff for him, even ya know, it's our jobs too. He just messes everything up when he tries to do our jobs for us!"

To add to problems, Greta constantly pulls the reins from her head chef Gulag and cooks only one order at a time. Even when they have over thirty orders to be done. This ends up creating excessive wait times for the customers.

<--->

"I have never had to wait this long for one crummy little meat pie!" one patron complains. "I'd rather go all the way to Manehattan for a slice there. They would at least have it done and out to me!"

<--->

Even after all of the waiting, the one table that finally gets their food is not satisfied in the least. However, Garai just argues with them when they try to bring up their issues with the food. Eventually, he takes their food back to the kitchen, much to Greta's anger.

"They didn't like the meat pie."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I spritzed it up as they asked." Greta exclaimed.

"Don't worry yourself love cake, I told them to fuck off."

"Maybe they don't understand that it isn't packaged as these ponies do to a lot of their food."

When more and more patrons find their food undercooked, Goldie tries to bring it to Garai's attention. Unfortunately, it only angers them, even more, when their food is not blindly enjoyed.

"Greta my sweet, table G4 says their food is undercooked. Put it back in the oven."

"Sure, I'll burn it for them," Greta retorted. "This food is going straight to the trash. People here could be eating it, but someone decided that they are going to come fuck with us."

Twilight and Count Le Grand watched with mouths agape as the situation quickly devolved. The patrons tried to come to the front counter to figure out why their food hasn't been prepared or come out. However, even the simple act of asking the question causes Garai and Greta to finally explode.

"We were just waiting on one meat pie," one of the griffon patrons said to Garai in an irritated manner. "Can you tell us if it's even being made?"

"I know, I know, It's coming out!" he snapped back. "Now shut up and stop bothering me!"

"You've been saying that for two hours, it's just one ruddy meat pie!"

"Send him home if he's gonna be making a fuss!" Greta yelled from the kitchen door. "We already have enough idiots to feed without him getting thrown into the mix!"

"Alrighty then, if you want to wait, you can wait, but if not FUCK OFF!" Garai shouted at the customer.

"But--"

"NO, FUCK OFF AND GET OUT!"

"Are you two serious?" he asked them incredulously.

"OUT YOU MUTHAHFUCKER OUT! TAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND YOUR BOYFRIENDS AND GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!"

"Get him to pay first. Boys! Shakedown this little shit until he gives us our money and then throw him out!" Greta commanded the mercs at the front door.

"I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN ANYTHING TO PAY FOR! the customer desperately tried to say to defend himself.

The armed guards started to come towards the counter where a crowd was starting to form. This caused Twilight to decide to finally leap into action with her new friend.

"I think it's time to break up the rabble-rousers here, don't you, your grace?" Twilight asked.

The middle-aged Griffon cracked his knuckles and chuckled.

"Absolutely your ladyship," he replied with zeal.

When the guards tried to pounce on the customer, Twilight held them still with her magic and shoved them into a nearby closet. This just made Greta and Garai even angrier though as they prepared to maul her.

"YOU LITTLE BITCH! IM GONNA--" Greta started as she raised her claws toward Twilight.

"What, if I may ask are you going to do?" the Count asked coldly as he pulled out his rapier and held it against Greta's throat. "Because unless you want to be hauled off and mauled yourself in the Leopard Pits, I suggest that you lower your tone against her majesty."

Everyone in the bakery was on a knife's edge as, after a minute of tension, Greta finally relaxed, but then stormed off into the kitchen to cool off. Twilight told the small group of unsatisfied customers at the counter to disperse as she reimbursed them with small bags of bits. Garai went off somewhere, muttering about having to clean up a giant mess.

"Thank you, Count Le Grand," Twilight sighed. "I was afraid that things were going to turn ugly for a sec there."

"My personal pleasure my lady," he replied respectfully as he sheathed his rapier. "My family owes a great debt to you and your friends. That and my personal honor demands me to protect one of the Griffon Republic's staunchest allies."

"I just hope this isn't this crazy for Gordon or we are really going to be in a lot of trouble," she lamented.

Next Time: Greta's Baking Company part 2

Greta's Baking Company part 2

After an hour of walking across a wind-battered part of town, Gordon Ramsay and the rest of the girls were close to finally arriving at Greta's Baking Company to find out just exactly why and how business and food coming from there has become so shady in the past few months. The weather however was beginning to turn for the worse as the wind began to pick up even more and the clouds overhead slowly drifted over the sun. Even in a thick coat, Gordon was slowly starting to feel the effects of the cold wind leaving him a shivering mess. Rarity thankfully had brought extra clothes with her and wrapped Gordon up in a long wool scarf. It didn't block the cold as much, but Gordon was very much appreciative of the gift. Soon the bakery finally came into view as they closed in on the entrance. There seemed to be a large crowd of griffons gathered just outside the restaurant. Angry yelling could be heard over the screeching wind as the group picked up their pace.

Two large griffons in heavy armor were attacking a group of younger griffons with Twilight right in the middle, doing her best to defuse the situation. Gordon politely pushed his way through the group making it to the center where he found Twilight and a regal-looking griffon trying to hold off two others.

"LET ME IN THERE! GARAI AND THAT BITCH GRETA NEED TO LEARN SOME RESPECT!," one of the attacking griffons yelled.

"I CAN'T HAVE YOU DESTROYING THE RESTAURANT BEFORE MY FRIEND HAS HAD A CHANCE TO LOOK AT IT," Twilight yelled back.

"HE CAN LOOK AT IT WHEN IT'S IN PIECES!"

Gordon turned to Applejack and Pinkie expectantly who nodded vigorously and calmly walked towards the griffons causing trouble. Circling the first one, Applejack bucked at the joints of the first griffon's legs, causing him to fall and smash his beak into the dirt. Pinkie with a big smile shoved her tail into the other griffon's face as she began to speak a million miles an hour.

"Check out all the neat stuff I got stowed back there! My chewed gum collection, my scratched bit collection, my lint collection, my poker card collection, my confetti collection, my moldy balloon collection, my Ewe-Gi-Oh! collection, my rotten egg collection...."

All of the mixed offending smells bombarded the griffon's nasal passage, causing him to collapse from the stench.

"Unusual way for someone to dispatch an aggressor, but effective nonetheless," Gordon applauded with a chuckle. "Now, if you kind folks don't mind. I have a restaurant to either review and save or shut down!"

The crowd of griffons all muttered to each other, some of them mentioning wanting to show the "bald monkey" that they meant business. A look from Twilight though discouraged any possible aggression. The crowd started to disperse in different directions a few going back to their homes and a select few going into the restaurant, allowing the gang to finally gather together.

"Well, why don't we get started on this shall we?" Gordon suggested. "Something tells me this is going to be quite the experience."

"And something tells me I'm going to have to keep my guard up," Twilight groaned. "Pinkie, head back to Gilda's apartment. She needs you there more than I do right now. We'll handle this don't worry."

"Okie dokie lokie!" she replied cheerfully as she hopped back in the other direction, not impeded by an obstacle in her way.

Gordon and Twilight followed by the rest entered the restaurant to meet the griffon Twilight identified as Garai sitting behind the front counter counting bits. He looked up from what he was doing and put on a forced smile. Gordon could immediately tell that there were a lot of unresolved emotions behind that false smile, but he put the thought aside for the moment in an attempt to be civil and polite.

"Ah, you must be Chef Ramsay! And the rest of the heroes of Equestria! What an honor it is to have you grace my mate's humble restaurant." he snootily greeted. "I am Garai."

"Charmed," Rarity acknowledged neutrally.

Applejack just silently tipped her hat to be respectful, while also trying to keep her emotions in check

"Thank you. How are you doing Garai?"

Gordon looked at a sweets display from behind a glass and was quite impressed with the presentation and appearance of the pastries there, especially the scones. He was confused when Pinkie and Rainbow Dash simply glared at the glass.

"Wow! Take a gander at that!" Gordon exclaimed. "That all looks really good!"

"My mate Greta's finest accomplishments!"

"And uhh...may we meet the great baker of this fine establishment?" Gordon offered cautiously.

He knew that he couldn't just outright take down the restaurant right from the get-go. He had to prove that they were a real health risk to the public as well as inept as a restaurant. Meeting with Greta would give him an impression of what kind of experience he was in for.

Garai went back into the kitchen and called the griffon in question as he showered her with praise.

"My darling, the human Chef Ramsay wants to meet you. He wants to hear all about how you made all of those beautiful pastries yourself!"

She came out and forced herself to smile as she walked around to the other side of the counter where she attempted to be cordial by shaking his hand.

"Welcome, it is nice to meet you!"

"Likewise. Are you the one who baked all of those scrumptious-looking cakes?" Gordon asked her.

"Yes, I am."

"They are quite extraordinary. It's some of the best looking baking that I have seen in quite a long time,"

"Thank you, that means quite a lot. I make all of those from specialty recipes that I procured recently."

Gordon noticed how silent the rest of the girls had become. Especially Rainbow Dash and Pinkie. He couldn't see their faces, but he had something of a sixth sense feeling that they were glaring at Greta. If Greta noticed them doing this, she sure didn't show it.

The next thing that he noticed when he got a good look at the restaurant was how elegant the design was.

'If Gilda did all of this, she certainly has quite a woman's touch!' he thought surprised. 'I guess some just don't reflect that beauty physically.

"The other thing I had to say was how beautiful this restaurant is. It's immaculate!"

"Why thank you. We certainly put a lot of effort into keeping it clean." Greta replied.

"Why don't we show the chef our kitchen my darling?" Garai suggested.

"Yes, I was just getting to that," she replied sternly.

She leads the group over to the other side of the dining room and through one of the sets of double doors. Inside, they found a virtually spotless kitchen. Completely devoid of any dirt, grime, or dust, the kitchen looked like it had been washed and polished daily. Twilight couldn't help but make a mental comparison to the cleanliness of Canterlot Castle. The maids of the Castle had been trained and ingrained into their heads from youth that it was their life's work to make the castle look as heavenly and beautiful as the Princesses who occupied it. She thought that the employees at Gilda's restaurant must have been taught the same. Well "threatened" more than taught was the word that came to mind in this scenario that they found themselves in.

"Well my first good observation is that this place is very clean," he stated. "It's like a surgeon's operating room in here."

"Thank you, chef, we take great pride in the cleanliness of our restaurant," Garai replied with his beak held high.

Another thing that he noticed about the kitchen is that the walk-in cooler and the freezer were well organized. Labels, dates, times when the food was set to expire. Food was separated properly on different shelves in different bins, properly sealed. Just like he would have expected of any restaurant back on Earth. Observing the mannerisms of the duo, he figured that it had to have been Garai that mostly handled the cleaning and organizing alongside the rest of the staff. Greta seemed too uncaring to want to deal with something of that nature.

"So, who is the head chef here?" Gordon asked.

"That would be me," Greta replied neutrally.

"Really?" Gordon asked with hidden disbelief. "You definitely got lucky than Mr. Garai".

"Oh yes, I am definitely," he said dreamily as he gazed longingly at Greta who just looked off in a random direction with a bored expression. "She's my soul mate and we...acquired this business together. We stand by each other against the ravenous critics and haters who wish to tarnish my Greta-poo's reputation. We stand up to them and sometimes that means we get physical. These heathens are used to eating processed wood chips and jerky."

'Jeez, I've seen people sucking wankers before but this is ridiculous,' Gordon thought. 'Love is one thing, but this guy has an obsession!'

"Well, that does bring me to one of my biggest questions then Ms. Greta," Twilight interjected. "Where did my Praetorian Troopers fall under then? They came here to have a meal after a long day of guarding the nearby outpost and they came back to the outpost deathly sick. Would you care to explain why?"

"They were mouthing off to me and insulting my recipes, so I had to deal with them accordingly," the griffon replied snarkily. "I figured real stallions would be able to handle whatever I threw at them. I guess your stallions didn't have the balls to handle what I had to offer."

Twilight started to glow as her eyes turned angry and wrathful. The human knew he had to quell her anger for the time being until he got his full scoop on the restaurant.

"Sugar?" Applejack said trying to get Twilight to respond.

"Twilight? Are you alright?" Spike asked cautiously.

"YOU...WHAT???" she asked in a dangerously low tone. "You poisoned my troo-

Gordon placed his hand on her withers and pulled her over to the side to give her a quick word.

"Calm down Twilight," Gordon said. "We have a job to do. I understand you have to deal with this woman, but let me do my job first alright?"

Twilight was silent as she seemed to be looking right through him and in Greta's direction. Even for a hardened man like Gordon, it was unsettling watching her eyes move when she was angry. After a few seconds, she let out a breath as her expression softened.

"Alright, but promise me you will give her Tartarus," Twilight asked. "I'm beginning to really dislike that hen."

"Me too, but let me deal with the rage and the wrath alright? Let's get some more evidence before we give them hell."

He stood up as Twilight moved back to the group and he continued conversing with Greta and Garai.

"Now, may we meet the rest of your staff?"

Greta brought her talons up to her beak and gave a sharp whistle, which brought two young and pretty female griffons running. One was a terrified-looking girl with light brown feathers and brown eyes while the other one appeared to be fairly confident looking yet still nervous to be around Greta and Garai. Her silky golden-yellow feathers made her striking blue eyes pop. Her color scheme made Gordon make a mental comparison to a cockatiel. Complete with a long wavy crest that stretched back over her head and down her neck like hair and seemed to move depending on her current mood.

"This is Gretchen, my sous chef," Greta introduced motioning to the brown feathered griffon.

"Hello there," Gordon greeted.

Gordon stepped forward and offered his hand to the griffon who shook it earnestly.

"It is nice to meet you. I hope we can learn a bunch from you."

She stepped back allowing the other griffon to nervously step forward and offer her claw.

"And this little gem is my main waitress Goldie. We're still trying to break her in." Greta explained.

"Good to meet you. Miss Goldie," Gordon greeted. "I'll definitely be glad to work with you my darling."

He tried to help her loosen up by pouring on the charm as he gingerly kissed her claw.

The griffon seemed to blush as she giggled quietly and let out a gentle "thank you" before pulling back.

"I shouldn't be saying this but, the restaurant itself is very nice and clean, but Greta and Garai do seem to cause a lot of the problems around here," Godiva says to her interviewer. "It sure was nice when Miss Gilda was still in charge around here. Then we wouldn't have irritating wusses like those two. I hope that charmer Gordon can do something about them."

The rest of the pony group scattered around as some stayed in the restaurant posing as undercover customers while Applejack and Rainbow Dash went back outside to watch for any trouble makers. They had received word that there would be a local gang coming through to cause trouble, so they kept a constant lookout. Count Le Grand kept a constant vigil over Twilight, almost acting as her bodyguard as she observed Gordon's process closely. She did her best to keep her peace and not get involved too early. Although hearing Greta and Garai go through their life's story made her mimic the noise Spike was making as they pretended to dry heave mockingly. Gordon sat the two down to get the low down on their backstory in an attempt to make a reasonable deduction on what is going on. They offered him one of their signature cake scones to try.

"So, take me back to the beginning. How long have you two been together?" Gordon asked calmly.

"We met while I was on a trip to Neighgypt to see family," she explained. "When he laid eyes on me, at that watering hole, he never stopped following me around."

"It was love at first sight," Garai said dreamily.

"I thought it was cute in an annoying way how much he followed me around, so I let him go on a few dates with me."

"Next thing I knew, we were in head over heels for each other. Our most recent date took us to that pony city Las Pegasus," Garai continued.

The human was doing his best to remain polite as best as he could, but the way they were talking about each other was too hilarious for him.

"So do you have any experience in the restaurant business?" Gordon asked hopefully.

"No, I worked in construction before, but when the crisis in Neighgypt hit, I still had a lot of money."

"My previous partner and I gathered a bit more money to build this restaurant. When I had to cut her off, the wimp was eager to take her place. So I let him."

'Okay, so that's how it is,' Gordon thought in realization. 'It's no wonder why that girl and her apartment are a complete mess.'

Eating the scone, Gordon immediately loved how rich and flavorful it was. It was firm but dense enough to not fall apart as soon as he stabbed a piece of it with a fork.

"That's lovely. Very nice crust and ganache frosting."

"Thank you. The original recipe came from my previous partner, but we built on top of it. I am the only one equipped to make them. If Garai and I are not here, nothing is made and the restaurant is not open."

Everything was beginning to sound far too familiar for comfort for Gordon.

"Say that again?"

"If neither of us is here, the restaurant is not open," she repeated.

"You can't run a business doing something like that," Gordon chided. "The last time I saw someone try that, it didn't turn out so well."

"We cannot trust anyone to properly handle the restaurant. Griffons here are looking for quick pay instead of working hard."

"How many employees have you gone through?" he asked nervously.

"Counting the ponies that come to Griffonstone for work and the Griffons here? Well around a thousand."

Gordon nearly had a heart attack after hearing the outrageous number come from them.

"A thousand?!"

"So...other than that. What in your opinion is going on with this bloody damn restaurant?"

Greta then went into an explanation on how not too long ago, bad reviews started coming in, mostly thanks to Gilda who tried to sneak back into the restaurant in disguise. Gordon could tell that Gilda legitimately got terrible food, but he figured that Greta would never openly admit that fact. She was unfortunately caught and thrown out again as more and more bad reviews started coming from the public. When a pony from Manehatten wrote a letter to Greta, she in anger sent a scathing letter right back.

"Well one thing I definitely want to tell you two before we get started here, is that you are both fucking nuts!" he stated in a playful nonchalant manner.

Twilight and the rest of the girls still inside the restaurant just gawked at the man incredulously.

"Well, this is certainly gonna be interesting," Twilight stated morbidly.

Greta's Baking Company part 3

After arriving at Greta's Baking Company, Gordon met with Greta and Garai to get a first impression of them to see what he had to work with. It seemed that Twilight and her new companion Count Le Grand were already on edge from a prior run-in with the duo. He didn't directly see exactly what happened, but from what he was able to see upfront, it couldn't be good at all. Sitting down with Greta and Garai to get an idea of what their personalities were like was a surreal experience for him. Both seemed very similar to another failed restaurant duo he had tried to help years ago. Twilight wanted to outright arrest Greta and extradite her to Equestria to stand trial, but Gordon held off her wrath until he got more definite proof of her negligence other than hearsay. He wanted to be civil as possible and not just come out guns a-blazing.

"Okay, give me one of your menus, and I will see what I have to work with here," Gordon said. "All you have to do is just do what you do normally every day with every other customer."

Greta did as he asked, as she uncaringly left a big white menu on his table before moving off to the kitchen. The first thing that Gordon noticed about the menu is that it was horribly formatted and written. Menu items and entries were far too close together and much too small. The size of the text forced Gordon to pull out a pocket magnifying glass just to read it. Goldie Pheasant, the server of the restaurant came over and offered him some water while he waited for someone to take his order. She quickly brushed her head feathers back, in an attempt to look good for the restaurant's esteemed guest.

"Hello there. How are you my darling?" Gordon asked the hen kindly. "What's your name?"

"Goldie sir, Goldie Pheasant," she said with a little curtsy.

Gordon couldn't help but smile at the girl. He could tell that she was young and trying her absolute hardest to do her best at her job.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet a lovely young lady like yourself, Miss Pheasant," Gordon said as he kissed her claw.

The shy griffin giggled and blushed as she started to set up his table.

"Is it just normally you and Garai in the lobby here?"

"Yeah, pretty much," she replied with a shrug.

"How long have you been here exactly? Cause I hear many here, unfortunately, don't stay around very long."

"About two months roughly," she replied.

"Do you get any good tips through here?"

She seemed to look irritated as she looked around for someone or something before leaning in closer to Gordon while she was carrying the pitcher of ice water.

"I uhhh....don't get tips here Chef," she replied nervously and quietly.

"What?"

"I make daily here," she replied with restrained frustration.

"D-Daily? Are you serious?" he asked surprised. "I don't know how different things are between worlds, but in America, we tend to tip our servers. And as far as the pay, it's supposed to be hourly as well."

"Yeah, it works like that in other places too. Just not...here for some reason."

"Where do the tips go then?"

"....To the owners," she said with a disappointed shrug.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, and I've tried to tell them, but you can probably guess how that goes".

Afterward, Goldie went off to help someone else, while Gordon spotted Garai wandering around the lobby, talking with other patrons there. Calling the griffon over, he decided that his first order of business would be getting an explanation.

"We spoke earlier about problems in the restaurant Mr. Garai, but lo and behold, I already come across one that is pretty major. You don't give your employees their tips?"

"No."

"Garai, you cannot take away tips from servers who earn them," Gordon scolded. "Especially not from a nice girl like Goldie."

"Then bring me some damn employees that can do their jobs properly, so I won't have to interfere." Garai retorted.

"If you saw in front, I already took three orders and sent them already to the kitchen."

Garai motioned to a table near the front door with snooty-looking griffons in formal wear.

"You're the OWNER! You aren't supposed to be doing that," Gordon replied as calmly as he could.

"I'm doing most of the jobs around here!"

Gordon rested his head in his hands with his elbows poking into the tablecloth as he rubbed his temples and gave a big tired sigh.

'I don't feel like arguing with this literal cock head right now' Gordon thought annoyedly.

"Okay, let's just order right now, shall we? I'd like to get down to brass tacks and see what I have to deal with right now."

Garai pulled out a pad and a pen and started writing down everything that Gordon was saying.

"I'll start with the pear, fig, and pork salad, and then I'll try that mountain ram burger of yours. I'll try the trout cakes at the same time. Then I'll go to that red pepper and beef ravioli. For the main meat entree, I'll go for that seasoned rack of lamb ribs."

"Excellent! We shall have it out right away. Although, the ravioli may take some time. We did not have time to prep them earlier in the morning." Garai attempted an apology.

Gordon simply looked at him with disbelief as he grabbed his menus and walked back into the kitchen, leaving the human with his thoughts and a purple alicorn who came up to the table to check in on his progress.

"So how are we doing?" Twilight asked hopefully.

"Not too good I'm afraid my darling," Gordon lamented. "The story with what is going on in this place is starting to become clearer and clearer the longer this goes on. I can only hope that the food I get isn't tainted or something."

"That bad huh?"

"And it's probably only gonna get worse."

Twilight deflated and mimicked the human's anxious actions as she sat down in the chair across from him. She began to rub the bridge of her snout with her hoof and hold her eyes closed. He could tell that she was upset or having some unresolved anxieties that were eating at her. Her eyes were beginning to get bloodshot and ragged and upon further inspection, he saw that her fur was hastily brushed and somewhat unkempt.

"Why don't you just sit right there and keep me company while I go through some of this food?" Gordon suggested. "Or better yet, join me in my process once again? You seem a little stressed out. Giving you something to do might help you with whatever is going on with you."

She looked up at him and gave a tired smile.

"I'd love to," she replied, "It might even be cathartic to scream as you do."

Gordon called Goldie back over who gave her a glass of cool ice water to sip on as they conversed with one another.

Suddenly, a loud bellowing gong rang throughout the restaurant, making Gordon and Twilight nearly jump out of their seats. Twilight was drinking her water when it went off, causing her to breathe in a bit of the water, sending her into a coughing fit. Pinkie Pie and the other girls were startled themselves, as they had various reactions ranging from mild surprise to nearly violent reactions.

"What the fuck was that?" Gordon asked no one in particular.

"I'm not....sure," Twilight replied looking around.

The same gong rang just two minutes later, forcing Gordon to attempt to get an answer out of somebody.

"Goldie! What the hell is that?" Gordon exclaimed.

"Oh, whenever we have dirty dishes, the busser is supposed to come out and grab them. Garai implemented it not too long ago." she humorously explained.

"Isn't that a little, I don't know, disruptive?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow. "That scared me! I nearly sucked water into my windpipe because of that."

"If people get startled by that like you just did, I would probably say so," Gordon added. "Why wouldn't you just walk around to the kitchen to wash them?"

When Goldie started to look embarrassed, Gordon shared a little laugh with her.

"Nothing to feel ashamed about my darling. But I will admit that this is the first time in my career that I have seen a gong used to pick up plates," he chuckled. "Cause that is pretty funny".

A few minutes later, Gordon saw Goldie walking up to Garai at the counter and tell him what the orders were. Every time she walked back and forth between customers, it seemed to waste valuable time. Instead of writing down the orders herself, she was forced to go to someone else to input the orders.

"Table G2 wants three foie gras salads"

"Ah, yes. Those are very popular lately,"

Twilight was following what Gordon was looking at as she tried to understand more of what he was looking at.

"Doesn't that take up time?" she asked. "I may not know that much about restaurants, but if I'm doing an important experiment in my castle, I don't want to have to walk all the way back downstairs to where Spike is and have him write observations down."

"Slightly different, but a good example nonetheless," Gordon replied. "Yes Twilight, that definitely wastes time. When you have a big rush of people, and orders constantly coming in, you don't want to rely on another person who could be too busy just to take down order."

Calling the Neighgyptian Griffon over, Gordon decided to look into why the restaurant used this poor method of taking orders.

"Garai, does Goldie fill out your P.O.A forms?" Gordon inquired.

"No, she doesn't know how to do it. Nobody does, I'm the only one who does it," he replied.

The statement only served to make Gordon laugh at the griffon's stupidity.

"Wouldn't it be better if she actually knew how to fill them out so you can take orders much faster?"

"She will be taught when the time comes that she is ready."

"And while you are waiting for her to be "ready", things slow to a crawl," Twilight muttered.

To prove his point, Gordon called Goldie back over who looked flushed at being put on the spot.

"Miss Pheasant, have you ever used a P.O.A. system before?"

"Oh yes, every restaurant that I've worked at," she meekly replied.

"That sounds about right, and how many jobs exactly have you had before coming to work at Greta's?" he asked.

"Five Chef, All of them in the restaurant business. I came back to Griffonstone for my sixth job to be closer to family."

"Five! She doesn't need training of any kind."

Garai simply scoffed and brushed him off, storming back into the kitchen while Gordon just sat there aghast.

"That would be strike one for him," Gordon whispered over to Twilight who snickered back at him.

"Honestly, I'd prefer if they stayed just inept and stubborn as opposed to screaming and violent," she replied while rolling her eyes.

Gordon continued waiting for his food which was taking well over an hour to come out of the kitchen. Looking around, he didn't see that many patrons in the restaurant to cause them to slow down that much.

"Is your order even getting made?" Twilight asked with disbelief. "The castle kitchen staff don't take this long on their biggest Octuple tiered chocolate cakes."

"Octuple tiered chocolate cakes?"

"The Princess...has a...weird...somewhat disturbing problem-- anyway," she continued. " Why isn't your food out yet?"

"That I intend to find out in due time my darling," he assured. "I'm really hating how familiar all of this is starting to get."

"I read up on some of your past exploits and I heard something about your only failure in a restaurant located in Arizona?"

"Yeah, I prefer not to remember that. It was a very unpleasant experience. Why do you ask?"

"No reason right now anyway. I'm doing studies on different realities and the similarities between two or more of them."

"Actually that sounds interesting," Gordon said with a thoughtful look. "Right now though, I'm very hungry and the only exploit I want to have is filling my stomach."

Finally, as if on cue, his food came out of the kitchen after an hour and a half of waiting. Twilight began to feel sick when she saw the giant mass of meat slabbed right onto the big plate coming out. Gordon noticed how much it distressed her, despite how controlled Twilight's emotions were.

"Is that?

"You can step away for the moment Twilight. I'll call you back over when I'm done with this. Or if I need to toss it out."

"Are you sure? Do you need any help--urp" she forced out.

"No, you just step outside for a moment to see how things are going. This probably won't take long," he chuckled.

Twilight nodded and stepped away while Goldie came out with his food. Garai was close behind as he came out to see how the Chef would respond to their food. Each plate was set down upon the table as the Griffon went through a short description of each dish.

"A rack of lamb encrusted with macadamia nuts, fresh herbs, and a little bit of Griffon mustard," Garai stated. "It is served with a mountain berry vinegar reduction."

Picking up his utensils, Gordon began to saw into the lamb and his expression darkened when he saw how pink the meat was.

"That is just so undercooked." he lamented. "It is definitely not a good sign when you see that much white fat. Especially when it's on the side of the rack like that."

"Is it to your liking?"

"It's raw in the center and whatever that reduction is, the sweetness just overpowers everything else. It's like it's smothered in sugar or something."

"I don't know what happened," Garai insisted. "It is usually well made and people usually love it!"

"Well, I'm telling you that I got it raw, dangerously raw in fact. Just touch that."

Garai inspected the meat and grumbled when he saw how badly it was cooked.

"I'll take that back..." he muttered angrily.

"Yeah, you do that. And I have a feeling that's gonna be happening a lot in the next few hours!"

Goldie picked it up for Garai as she sneaked into the kitchen as best as she could and laid the ruined lamb rack right by the trash can. Unfortunately, Greta quickly caught this as her rage began to quickly bubble back up to the surface for all to see.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Greta asked.

"Nothing happened my darling!"

"I feel like Garai literally and figuratively sugarcoats everything that goes on in the restaurant," Goldie says to her interviewer. "So Greta gets a lot of false feeling about how she does absolutely nothing wrong and everything that she does is absolutely perfect."

"Don't worry my darling don't worry." Garai encouraged. "Everything is okay."

"I'm not worried. I just have a feeling this upstart human is going to say something bad," she replied.

"I know my hen friend quite well, I assure you. She doesn't take criticism very well. If someone tells her something that she doesn't like, it goes very badly for the other person."

"I will tell you all about it afterward, I promise. Just do what you do normally."

"What I'm gonna do is start tearing their throats out if I don't get some good reviews. I'll fuck him and that pretty alicorn up." Greta growled.

Greta's Baking Company part 4

After sitting at his table for well over an hour, the first and only meal he has been served was of exceedingly poor quality. It was beginning to make Gordon rather impatient having to wait so long for meals that seemed so small. The beautiful decor and the stunning pastries that had been displayed near the front counter of the bakery seemed only an afterthought now that things were beginning to turn sour and tense as time went on. He could tell that there was poor communication between Garai and Greta every time that an order passed their counters and he could tell that it would only be a manner of time before everything breaks down into chaos.

While this was all going on, the rest of the girls had been getting just as hungry as Gordon was and many of them couldn't tell how much longer that they were going to last. Griffon food was notoriously inedible to ponies that have not trained their stomachs to accept it. Twilight didn't want to bother him, but with the lunch hours passing by quickly, the feeling of hunger was beginning to affect her and the others as well. Gordon was pressed for time in this environment and the wait time for his food was not helping his case at all. He would more than likely have to go behind the scenes if he wanted to wrap up the first day of his evaluation on schedule. Hearing that there was Equestrian royalty in town, griffins were flocking to the restaurant in droves. The growing crowd forced Twilight and Applejack to work double-time to root out the ones who were only there to cause trouble.

Coming out of the kitchen, Garai came back to Gordon's table to inform him of the situation with his food.

"I am sorry Chef, but I was unable to tell my hen friend how you felt about your meal," Garai stated.

Gordon was taken aback by how crass and blunt his statement was given the severity of the situation.

"You...didn't even tell her...when she made a mistake?" Gordon asked in disbelief.

"She can be a little scary sometimes even for me. I know her. She gets nervous and--"

"You get scared of telling her the truth?!"

"If YOU want to tell her then follow me back into the kitchen," he replies quickly.

"I just want her to know so she can fix it! Is there something wrong with that?" he asked the Griffon with a bit of hearing in his voice. "Now anyway, I'm an hour and a half into this and I've only had one badly cooked rack of lamb. I'm about ready to fuckin eat my napkin."

"Alright, Alright, I shall do what I can to get her to know that you are hungry and she must quicken her pace," Garai said respectfully as he sped back into the kitchen.

Soon enough, Garai came back out with Goldie who was carrying what appeared to be a delicious-looking burger at first glance. He half allowed to bring down his guard to enjoy the thought of being hopeful about what he was going to eat. As they sat the next dish down, however, everything wrong with it was made apparent right away as he went through the components of the burger.

"Hard bleu cheese, over marinated mushrooms, garlic aioli, some kind of truffle oil, bacon bits, scorched lettuce, and a bun soaked with grease," he lamented.

He opened the burger and touched the bun as it let out copious amounts of grease and oil.

"Crap, that is just messy there."

Trying to cut the large burger in half to get a better look at the inside, he found the meat relatively tough. Pulling up one half so that he could see the meat, he saw that it was undercooked in some spots and overcooked in others. The meat was also darker and beat up inside, giving the indication that it was a bad cut of meat that Greta and Garai had used for grinding into burger meat.

"Medium rare this is definitely not."

Trying to take a bite into the underwhelming burger, it began to dribble a lot of water and various other liquids into the plate, startling the man.

"Oh my god!"

He carefully put the burger gently back onto the plate before it made even more of a mess and pushed it away, giving the signal to Goldie to come to pick it up. She rushed over with an apologetic look on her face and took away the disappointing food.

"I'll take that away from you," she said sadly. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault my dear, you've been nothing but delightful," he said encouragingly. "It's whatever black magic those butchers are doing back there with the food. That burger has been overcomplicated. So very unnecessary."

Breathing out a sigh of anxiety, Goldie went back into the kitchen with the dish and dumped the food into the trash can before retrieving the third dish Gordon had ordered in his first round of meals.

"Take that to him quickly if you know what's good for you," Greta growled at Goldie. "I'm on a very short fuse today."

Goldie brought his pasta dish out to Gordon where he was almost immediately bewildered by what he was served.

"Some kind of ravioli dish. With some kind of meat bits, spice, and sweet corn." he identified. "It smells bizarre."

"Your fourth dish is supposed to be coming out soon here."

"Can you go back and see how long before that will come out my darling?" Gordon asked. "I have a feeling that I won't be looking at this for very long."

"Right away chef."

After a tense moment of Greta snapping at Goldie, Gordon got his fourth and final dish in his first round of dishes to evaluate. The salmon dish he received was not only bad, but it was also so overcooked and over-spiced that he nearly vomited right on the table in full view of everyone. He had quite enough of being fed Greta's horrifying concoctions and was more than confident with his next course of action.

It had been clear from the very start that Gilda's stellar five-star restaurant had been stolen out from underneath her and replaced with two poor owners and a lackluster menu. Now all he had to do was find out exactly what manner of mistakes they had been making with the food so he can go into the final stage of his plan for Greta's Baking Company.

Gordon walked up to Greta who was at the counter to give her his most honest assessment of the meals that he had been through. Count Le Grand was overlooking the conversation from afar just in case that things started to become violent.

"Miss Greta? That was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be." he began. "There were some pretty big, pretty major bumps in the meals that I got from you."

"What...bumps?" she asked as her face began to turn brick-red with anger. "What exactly didn't you like human?"

"First of all, cool your pretty little head. You look like you're about to explosively shit all over the floor," he replied dryly. "We can talk about all of those bumps in detail later. I'm going to go get changed into more appropriate attire for my next step. I want to see how this place functions when I get back. Then after service, we will cover all points here."

"You seem to be disappointed," Garai stated.

"I am very disappointed," Gordon replied. "But we shall go through all of that later."

"Are you sure?" Twilight asked. "We did walk all the way out here after all."

"Yeah, call the others back, we'll be back here soon enough," he affirmed. "Let's just regroup back at your friend's apartment, relax, go over a few more details of the plan, and we'll be back this evening.

"Very well," Garai replied. "We shall endeavor to get ready once again for your arrival this evening."

Garai coaxed Greta into the kitchen and into their walk-in freezer where they could talk in private.

While Gordon was leading the way out of the restaurant, he cheerfully called Goldie back over who skipped towards him.

"May I do something else for you?" she asked sweetly.

"No, but I can do something for you," he replied charmingly. "Twilight, uhhh do we have anything in the way of currency we can give Miss Pheasant here as a tip?"

"Well, I shouldn't be giving money away from my purse like this, but I guess she was nice enough to us," Twilight replied with a smile.

She pulled a large diamond out of one of her bags with her magic and handed it to Goldie who looked at it with great gratitude.

"This is for you, and for you only," Twilight said with a sideways glare at the retreating Garai. "Put it somewhere safe please."

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, your highness! I shall do just that."

After Count Le Grand had sent for a small platoon of guards to keep relative peace outside of the restaurant, he and Rarity followed the others out and Applejack and Fluttershy followed close behind. They all headed back to Gilda's apartment where Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were busy keeping the emotionally distraught Gilda company. They moved back across the city and entered the building without much incident where they found Pinkie and Gilda eating a tub of maple bacon pecan ice cream together while Rainbow was leaning up against the wall. Gordon could tell that she was still clearly distressed, but with Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, her mood improved at least a little bit.

Sitting down on one side of Gilda's messed-up couch, Gordon talked over the last stages of his plan for Greta and Garai before anything drastic would be put into action. A lunch for the entire group made by himself and Applejack was most appreciated, especially by Gilda who wolfed down all of her food quickly. The human didn't notice it at the time, but while they were satisfying themselves, the young griffon hen was eyeing him hungrily with a light blush under her golden yellow eyes.

A few hours later as evening approached rapidly, Gordon quickly washed up, dressed in his finest chef uniform and the entire group made their way back across the city towards Greta's Baking Company. Dinner service was about to begin and Gordon wanted a better idea as to how Greta and Garai operated their restaurant from behind the counter. Fluttershy volunteered to stay behind with Rainbow and Pinkie Pie to comfort Gilda. Soon enough, they made it back where the duo was waiting rather impatiently for them. Airing on the side of safety, Gordon brought Twilight along with him. Greta was looking more and more unpleased every second that they were inside the restaurant and he figured that it would be a good idea to get everything finished promptly.

Already a few fights had broken out outside of the restaurant, forcing Applejack to stick around outside with Count Le Grand and his platoon. Griffons were screaming and throwing things at each other as they argued over who liked and hated the restaurant.

Inside, Rarity stayed in the main lobby of the restaurant while Twilight and Gordon made their way behind the counter and into the kitchen.

"Okay, now the first order of business here is how does the linework here? Who does what?" he asked the griffon.

Garai directed the human and alicorn around the large kitchen, introducing them to the members of his kitchen staff.

"Gemma does the salads for the rare griffon who likes that sort of thing. Or the ponies who wander in. My hen friend and I are the ones who handle the meat pies and other dishes that require protein."

"Well, I can tell you that the meat I got was severely undercooked."

"What...didn't you like about the lamb rack that we gave you?" Greta asked slowly.

"I told Garai that it was too sweet and that the meat was dangerously raw and he told me that he can't talk to you about that sort of stuff. Why is that? You are boyfriend and girlfriend, not the manager and assistant manager, so I would assume that you would be able to talk to each other civilly about "stuff like that".

"Because I know my hen friend--" he tried to start.

"Well, obviously you don't if you have to resort to sneaking around the restaurant," Twilight retorted.

"Exactly! Fucking wake up! My food was undercooked! Something that obviously shouldn't be happening!"

Greta looked like she was about to bite off her own tongue.

"I don't think your lamb rack was undercooked. I checked it after I took it out of the oven, just like I do with every dish that I take out of there, and to me, it was cooked and brown like good meat should be."

"Okay, okay," Gordon replied annoyed. "That's your fairy tale version, 'cause you didn't see it come back. However, the lamb was pink as my earth pony friend's fuzzy arse, and my burger was soggy as hell in the bun and all of those ingredients. The bacon bits, the bleu cheese, the marinated mushrooms, the white truffle oil. Those first three things are amazing on more successful burger recipes, but the fourth thing completely ruins the rest. Who comes up with those ideas?"

"I did," Greta said through a gritted beak.

"Cause there are certain things that just do not go together at all."

"This human and that precious, perfect little princess are standing there, riding my ass about my ingredients, as they've never heard of any flavor profile in the world."

"I can tell you that I've never had any problem with that burger from anybody."

"Probably because your own boyfriend can't even bear to tell you about the problems people have with it," Twilight remarked.

"Not only that, that weird salmon burger I got there right around the end, it was like a dry fish patty put in between two buns. I've had fast food fish burgers that tasted better than that!"

"Was it a dry or a soggy bun?" Garai asked.

"What does that matter?" Twilight asked in disbelief.

"Dry, like patte dry."

"We have people tell us that it's good like that."

"Probably because you threaten their lives if they don't compliment your food," Twilight snidely said out of the side of her mouth.

"Whatever bitch," Greta replied bitterly.

Moving over to one of the prep tables, Gordon observed the way some of the cooks were preparing the dishes.

"The ravioli dish, do you cook those from frozen?"

"Yes?...."

"Do you know how you can make those better?"

"I could probably make them from scratch but--"

"No, take them the hell off"

"Of course!" Greta sarcastically replied. "Why don't I just start taking everything off of my fucking menu? And then just close my doors. What the hell do you want me to sell exactly?"

"These are frozen, crap, store-bought ravioli and you shouldn't be--"

"I've tried them myself, and they are delicious! Did you even taste that one?"

"I can't even get feedback most of the time from here! They were disgusting!"

"And let me guess? People usually love them?" Twilight asked.

"Yes, actual customers, not people coming here to make a fucking problem for me,"

"Oh come on Greta...."

Unfortunately for him, Greta wasn't listening to him and just went back to cooking like normally. Gordon had enough of her foolishness and decided to attempt the shame angle to see if he can't get the whole of the restaurant to turn on her methods. Twilight and Garai followed him out into the lobby where he got every customers' attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention for a few seconds please?"

Every griffon and pony in the restaurant turned their attention to the strange creature in the center of the room, wearing eye-catching white clothes.

"The owner is trying to pull the wool over your eyes, by offering you frozen ravioli that aren't even made within hundreds of miles of this damn place. So would you mind personally if I eighty-sixed them? Just so I can stop you from eating complete crap?"

Many of the patrons had vengeful and entertained looks in their eyes.

"Sure, go ahead." one of the griffons allowed. "This might be entertaining."

"Well the language might not have been called for, but I am for anything being made for me fresh." Rarity said with confidence."

"Alright then," Gordon said as he turned to Garai. "86 those ravioli. Will you tell your damn girlfriend or should I?"

Garai simply looked back at him like he was going to his grave.

Next Time: Greta's Baking Company Explosive Finale

Greta's Baking Company Explosive Finale

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Down the Mountain

The morning was progressing steadily over the heart of the city of Griffonstone. The cold crisp air bit through even the thickest of fur and feathers as it whisked through the mountains. A snowstorm that was blowing harshly the night before was coming down gently and gracefully, painting a calming picture on this winter morn. A few warm rays of sunlight peeked through the clouds as a silver lining in the sky began to form. One new sight in this relatively perfect scene is the smoldering black spot of land right outside of the city center. Here was where the viciously unpopular Greta's Baking Company used to stand. Ponies, Griffons, and a small group of humans could be seen gathered in front of the disaster sight, lamenting the events that have happened over the past few days.

Gordon Ramsay and Twilight Sparkle stood there in front of the smoldering piece of land with somewhat sad, but also content faces, glad that the Nightmare was finally over. Each of their party took the events of the day differently and were doing different things to cope with the stress. Applejack was trying her best to stay strong for everyone else, despite how exhausted she was feeling. Fighting off crowds of angry griffons was not something any normal pony did and it took quite a toll on her stamina. Rarity looked on at the destruction with a hint of disappointment and sadness, but also sympathy. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie just stood there huddled up against Gilda as she stared at the now-empty land with despair and gloom.

It was a feeling that Chef Gordon had seen in many a person who had their restaurants closed down for one reason or another. It was like seeing one of your children die. Something you had put so much of your life and precious time into, and watch it grow with pride. Only to have it disappear due to circumstances that were often out of the owner's control. However, while many of the owners he had come across squandered their chances, Gilda did the best she could and made something beautiful. Especially in a place like Griffonstone that seemingly rejected beauty. He couldn't help but feel bad for the griffon. She was young, kind, strong, rather pretty for being a different species, and she was talented. Seeing such talent be rejected by the world did break his heart now and then.

The tension and depression of the situation were so uncomfortable to everyone. But not more so than Spike, who had been doing his best to be as silent and supportive as he could.

"So what now?" Spike asked. "

"Now my boy, I think it's time we should start heading on home," Gordon muttered to the drake. "However, I have a feeling that the girls have something in mind before we start heading home."

"Really? What?"

Gordon gestured to Twilight and Rarity who were slowly walking towards Gilda and Goldie, both of which looked like all happiness had disappeared from the world entirely. Twilight did her best to show as much tact and respect as she could muster, given the circumstances.

"So...what are you going to do now?" Twilight asked the somber griffon.

"Who cares anymore?" she sniffed. "I'll probably just head back to Grandpa Gruff's Cafe and hope that I can make enough money to get by. Even that is doubtful considering how bad his business is."

"Your Grandpa does his best Gilda," Fluttershy reminded. "He's just a little bit, bad with normal world things."

"Well he called me statue lover and feather snatcher, so he can't be all bad," Pinkie added goofily.

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Rainbow Dash cried. "You didn't deserve any of this. Why did we have to destroy the restaurant?"

"You know why Rainbow," Twilight scolded gently. "Equestrian laws are clear. Deliberately attacking or incapacitating Elite Troops, let alone Celestia's personal Solar Praetorians is a grave criminal offense. It would have led to an international incident if we didn't resolve things quickly. Our friendship with the Griffon Republic has always been questionable and shaky at best."

"Still, this whole thing is a steaming pile of Minotaur shi--" Rainbow started.

"Rainbow! Please!" Rarity pleaded calmly. "This was nobody's fault. Except for Greta and Garai's fault maybe. Despite all of that though, I believe I might have an easy solution to our predicament here."

Gordon had heard Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity's suggestion for the two griffons the previous night when they talked alone and he was quite happy to see such a resolution come out of such a bleak situation.

"What solution?" Gilda asked in disbelief.

"How would you both like to become official citizens of Equestria?" Twilight said with a smile.

"WHAT?" everyone there gasped.

"Citizens?" the griffons asked confused.

"Why yes darlings," Rarity spoke up. "It would certainly make setting up your new employments a lot easier. Not to mention less paperwork."

"You do paperwork?" Twilight asked humorously.

"It's mandatory in my line of work dear. How else do you think I keep track of all of my supplies and products? I'm actually thinking of taking a Financial Accounting class at Ponyville Town Hall in a few weeks here. It would certainly benefit me to learn more."

"Wh-What do you mean new employments?" Goldie asked nervously.

Pinkie zipped in front of the griffons and pulled them into a painfully tight hug, all the while maintaining an abnormally large smile.

"We're giving you new jobs silly geese!" Pinkie jumped in. "The restaurant business is kinda lacking in Ponyville and another one is always welcome. I have enough money from being an Element to help you start up a location. Plus, Mr. and Mrs. Cake's bakery is getting rough to run with only three of us. I kinda need an assistant manager if you catch my drift, Gilly."

"And with my boutique becoming more and more of a success, I need someone to promote my brand. How would you like to become my fashion model/store supervisor Goldie dear?"

"You mean they can come live with us? Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh!" Rainbow said ecstatically.

The bombardment of offers stunned the two griffons. Everything seemed to freeze as they heard those words being spoken. It was like waking up from a terrifying nightmare and being introduced to something wonderful. Their beaks began to twitch up into warm thankful smiles as tears of joy. Suddenly, Gilda leaped off of the ground without a moment's notice and tackled everyone into a big group hug, sobbing joyfully. The hug in of itself felt nice, but Gilda put more strength into it than she intended, and knocked the air out of every pony present. It made their lungs feel surprised. The bad kind of surprised. Except for Pinkie Pie who was loving every second of it.

"Does that mean yes?" the pink mare asked.

"OF COURSE YES, YOU WONDERFUL PINK IDIOT!!!" Gilda cried.

"I will agree, ahem." Goldie coughed politely. "It is quite an offer. One that, I honestly did not expect you to make to someone like me your Majesty."

She squeezed tighter, making Pinkie screech in the way that only a squeaky toy would. After a few seconds, she loosened her grip upon the uncomfortable ponies, feeling better than she felt in years. Gordon and Spike sat on the sidelines with his production crew, amused and charmed at the scene unfolding before them. Twilight and her friends needed a moment, but after they were able to properly breathe again, they regained their composure.

"This is awesome!" Rainbow hoof pumped. "You can bunk with me again! I've always wanted a roommate!"

"What about Griffonstone Gilda? Isn't this like your home or something?" Applejack asked.

"Isn't your family here?" Fluttershy asked hopefully.

"There's...nothing here for me anymore. I never knew my birth parents, they died in Grasputin's revolt right after I was born. Grandpa Gruff has my aunt to take care of him, and my apartment is falling apart at the seams."

"Oh Gilda, I'm so sorry," the butter-colored pegasus consoled.

"My condolences Gilda, that's always rough. I may not know them, but I'm willing to bet that they loved you a lot."

"Thanks, Gord. I appreciate that" Gilda said with a sad smile. "I just had a crummy deck all my life filled with nothing but bad claws."

"Doesn't she mean bad hands?" Jay asked with an eye roll.

"What about you then Goldie?" Twilight asked, rubbing her sore chest.

"Are you sure you want me Miss Rarity?" Goldie asked timidly. "I'm nothing special. I'm just a poor waitress."

"You're a beautiful young lady who could go far in the fashion industry darling. Don't ever sell yourself short like that," Rarity said firmly. "I simply won't allow it. Your performance at the fashion show the other night was absolutely stunning. Most adult mare models don't move as gracefully as you do."

Goldie felt her face grow hot as she blushed heavily. The praise was almost too much for the poor girl to take.

An hour later, the group had arrived back at Gilda's apartment and started helping her pack. Thankfully, Rarity had brought along a few extra trunks in the event of an emergency. With the addition of a pocket dimension enchantment Twilight placed upon the trunks, Gilda was able to gather every last piece of furniture, clothing, and stationery that she had in her apartment. The group was quite surprised to see how many things Gilda had been hoarding in her closet alone. Soon enough, all of her belongings were safely stored away in her new enchanted trunk. The only thing to do before heading on their way was gathering Goldie's belongings.

Goldie led them to the western part of town, and towards one of the large branches that were under reconstruction. Gordon was astounded as to how the griffons could build fully functional houses into the sides of branches hanging over the side of a cliff. Fully equipped with plumbing and electricity. The only explanation that he could logically come up with is that the Griffons had a source of magic of their own. The branch was massive and quite a sight to behold to be sure. It spanned the length of a football field across and reached over the cliff for several miles.

"Where did this thing come from exactly?" Gordon asked. "It's fucking immense."

"Nobody is quite sure, but it is in our legends, it is said that our first king, Growler the Fowl snuck into the goddess Faust's palace and stole a seed from her Garden of Eternity," Goldie explained timidly. "By bringing it back, he proved himself to all the people here. When he planted the seed in the heart of the mountain, it is said that it grew to the size that we see here today, but destroyed all plant life in our country."

"I've read about that legend. After almost all plant life disappeared from the surrounding mountain range, King Growler declared war on all ponykind, starting the Thousand-Year Griffon War." Twilight added. "Our two species would keep fighting until Celestia, Luna, and my ancestor Clover the Clever finally put a stop to it. With the help of King Grover at least. It would be interesting to meet a direct descendant of him."

"Well, I'm glad that we're friends now at least," Fluttershy said nuzzling Gilda.

The hen chuckled and patted Fluttershy on the head, silently walking on as she listened to Twilight.

"Kinda hard to believe any of you have ever done anything bloody at any point in history." Gordon wondered. "You ponies, griffons, and dragons have to be the most pleasant mannered people I've seen in my whole damn life."

"I'm afraid I'm the only nice dragon like me Gordon," Spike said bashfully, rubbing his head in embarrassment. "Most other dragons except for Princess Ember and I are pretty big misogynistic, racist, crazy jerks."

"Good to see you've been keeping up on your Equish vocabulary homework," Twilight added humorously.

"Well I am glad then I know you at least my friend," Gordon remarked with a warm smile.

Walking across the massive branch may have been technically safe for all of the magic users all around, all of the humans present were sweating profusely. All that stood between them and falling thousands of feet to the ground below, was a hunk of old wood beneath their feet. Say nothing of the camera crew who were desperately trying to make sure they remained as close to the winged ponies as they possibly could. Added with the relatively slick surface the snow had left behind, the walk turned into quite a harrowing experience.

Fifteen minutes later, the group stopped off at a humble little house, neatly tucked into the left edge of the branch. It barely held on to the titanic tree limb, making Gordon's crew want to remain outside.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Gordon asked nervously as he stepped onto the rickety porch.

"Griffon homes have similar constructions to Pegasus homes, so don't worry Chef," Rainbow chuckled. "And if you fall through the floor, Gilda and I got your back.

"That's reassuring," Gordon scoffed in disbelief.

Heading inside, Gordon saw that Goldie didn't seem to have much in the way of amenities. A simple kitchen with a few pots and pans, a single beat-up couch, and a bed tucked into the far side of the room. A medium-sized bookshelf was tucked into the left side of the house with many old books. A small red dusty plush chair was tucked into the corner that had signs of being well used and well-loved. A tiny little table made of scraps of driftwood sat beside it, adorned only with a single candle holder, a quill, and a few scraps of paper. Other than its age and its diminutive size, the house seemed to be very well kept.

"I'm very sorry, I didn't get a chance to serve you anything decent at the restaurant," Goldie said.

"That's alright Goldie," Twilight said kindly. "We're heading back to Equestria in a few minutes, so you don't have to make us anything."

"Oh...." she said awkwardly. "Well, at the very least, allow me to thank you your majesty with a few drinks."

Goldie smiled sweetly and then zipped off to her cupboards.

"She has a hard time talking to some people," Gilda explained. "Just let her get this out of her system and she'll be good."

"It's fine," Fluttershy replied. "She reminds me of...well me. I'm still a little bit like that."

Pulling out a dozen drink glasses with one of her claws, she reached far back into her cupboard and pulled out a large bottle filled with a fizzing clear liquid inside. Placing the glasses down, she poured the drink into each one and handed them off to each member of the party.

"Looks a bit like sparkling water," Gordon said as he gave a whiff. "Sure doesn't smell like it though. What is it if I might ask?"

"Griffonian Fizzy Lifting Water," she replied. "It's one of my last bottles."

"Are you sure you want to give this to us?" Twilight asked. "I've read that this stuff is pretty valuable and not much of it is made every five years or so. Clan Wars were fought in the early days of the Griffon Empire for the spring this is made from."

"I've been trying to get a case of the stuff myself for a while," Gilda admitted. "Grandpa Gruff keeps his under lock and key."

"It sounds fun!" Pinkie chattered.

"It looks promising enough," Rarity said with surety.

"Fizzy Lifting Water?" Gordon asked. "That sounds familiar..."

"Oh please your majesty," the hen pleaded. "Let me show you some hospitality before we go on our way."

Twilight felt reluctant to accept such a lofty gift, despite her royal status, but when she looked to Rainbow and Gilda, they simply shrugged and downed the drink.

"Alright," she breathed.

Watching everyone else drink the liquid without too much problem, Gordon deliberated with himself and gingerly sipped on the drink. Immediately, his taste buds were shocked with a wonderful tingling feeling of carbonation as the sensation danced in his mouth. He detected hints of many minerals and a few different berries, notably juniper. Just like the others, all of the water in the glass was soon downed as he felt his stomach begin to grumble. It was an odd feeling that turned into a slight pain that moved up and down through his abdomen before settling, leaving him with good citrus after taste in his mouth.

"Well, that was quite nice. Reminded me of some sparkling wines back home," Gordon said in approval.

"That was pretty yummy! Maybe I should try making it when we get back," Pinkie said.

"Not sure how long it will take for the effect of this stuff to kick in," Gilda giggled.

"What effect?" Gordon asked suspiciously.

"You'll see soon enough."

Her evil chuckling through the next few minutes disturbed the human greatly, wondering what harm such a simple-looking drink could wreak upon his body.

An hour later, the group started on their way back down the mountain and toward the border. The trek was a lot less harrowing this time around, due to the break in the weather. The clouds began to part and soon the sun was showing its face to the world once again, bathing the landscape in mid-daylight. The snow though, was still rather deep, making it difficult for most of the party members present to trudge through. Their load was doubled, having to drag not only Rarity's heavy trunks but also Goldie's large trunk which she had stored all of her valuables for the move. The humans were great to have a rise in temperature from the deathly chill that nearly killed them on the way up. Rarity thankfully provided all of the humans with warm winter clothing for the trip, while she dressed in her own thick coat and ushanka.

The trek down the mountain turned out to be a lot easier than their trip up to Griffonstone. As long as they held their footing at the very least. Their loads made moving through narrow passes dangerous. One false step or a wrong shift in weight could send them tumbling to their deaths. Twilight took notice of how well Gordon was doing in these harsh conditions, even taking lead with her ahead of the group. The constant gusts of wind in the Griffon mountain ranges made it almost impossible for any of the winged members of the group to lift themselves off the ground without getting tossed into the mountainside.

They came to a deep spot in the snow where their progress slowed down exponentially. Twilight tried pushing the snow out of the way with a plow construct for some time but was halted soon afterward when she smacked headfirst into a thick layer of hardened ice.

"You alright there Twilight?" Gordon shouted from behind.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay," she whined. "I've got a hard head. This ice is gonna make things hard for us. Be careful everyone! We're coming back to those narrow cliffs again. Keep a tight grip on everything. The temperature rise is compacting the melting snow into ice. Everything is going to get really slick."

"It's a time like this I'm glad I brought my ropes and ice axes," Applejack said as she pulled the gear out of one of her saddlebags.

"Why do you have an ice ax? Let alone two?" Rainbow asked.

"You go into the Ice Box business too Apple?" Gilda snidely remarked.

"Apple Bloom has a bad habit of climbing up to the roof of the barn whenever we get some deep snow," she replied with vague annoyance. "Plus, it helps clean the ice off, so there's that."

"Good thinking Applejack. Why don't we use your ropes to make lifelines?" Twilight suggested.

"That actually does sound...smart here," Gordon said straining as he carried a heavy suitcase. "Why...didn't we fucking do that...before? Especially if a gust of wind could blow us off a fucking cliff?"

"It's usually safer in these mountains in the morning and evening when the winds have died down. We came up the mountain in the morning." Twilight replied.

"Jeez, she sure did her homework," Gilda added with a raised eyebrow.

Applejack started wrapping everyone together in chains of rope interconnected with one another, creating a stable lifeline. Fluttershy insisted upon having her wings tied down for extra protection. Gilda and Goldie declined the offer, having more experience dealing with the harsh terrain.

"You have no idea," Rainbow whispered back.

"Twilight got a little nutty about the idea of coming to Griffonstone the first time around," Pinkie said quietly as she comically stretched her neck.

"The number of books she made me study up on," Spike said with a shiver. "That test was enormous."

"I heard that!" Twilight said with a smirk. "It was only fifty pages."

"One hundred Twilight! You used both the front and back of the pages."

Everyone started laughing as they continued on their way. Every few minutes or so, they were forced to huddle up against cliff faces to stop themselves from being blown off. Their progress soon paid off as three hours later, their progress paid off. The group finally descended to a lower elevation where the snow and ice finally began to thin out. They came to a ridge, overlooking the border of Equestria, and they saw the afternoon train, waiting patiently for them at the bottom. Its vibrant pink coloration made it easily visible against the frost-covered tundra of Northern Equestria.

"There it is!" Twilight said. "The Equis Express."

"Been a while since I've seen that eyesore," Gilda joked.

"Yeah, it doesn't really have a good color combo there, but it's mighty comfy and really friendly." Applejack remarked.

"It's really quiet and peaceful whenever we want a private moment," Fluttershy said cheerfully. "The conductors are always so nice."

"During the winter, they bring out dance groups into the cars and sing about hot chocolate," Pinkie chattered. "One of them always sounds like Tom Hanks!"

"I've never been to Equestria before, so this is all going to be new for me," Goldie said nervously.

"Don't worry kid, we'll show you the ropes," Rainbow said as she wrapped a hoof around Goldie's shoulders.

"It certainly will be nice to be in a warm place again," Gordon said with satisfaction in his voice.

The last stretch of the mountain went by like a blur as the group found themselves back on flat land. Thin layers of ice crunched beneath their hooves and feet as they approached the train platform. The conductor came out onto the concrete platform and greeted the group cordially.

"Welcome back your majesty," the conductor said. "I was starting to get worried."

"The weather slowed down our progress a little bit," Twilight explained."But we got through alright."

"If you don't count nearly slipping off of a fucking cliff to our doom several times," Gordon dryly stated.

"Oh hush Gordon, we made it didn't we?" Rarity snapped.

"I had to use my claws several times to hold on to the ice," Spike whined. " They're all warped now. I'll have to do several clawicures when we get back home."

Gilda and Rainbow covered their mouths as they started snickering violently at the teen reptile.

"Would you like us to do your toenails too? Maybe with a little bit of polish?" Rainbow said through her laughter.

"Laugh it up. Your hooves and claws are gonna get messed up and I'll be waiting when they do," Spike replied snootily.

Boarding the train, the conductor showed them to their car as everyone settled in and waited for the train to depart on its three-day run back to Ponyville. Goldie was thoroughly impressed with the great service and comforting atmosphere that the Equis Express provided them. The baggage attendants had a rather hard time going through everyone's luggage and storing it on the train, but they eventually got the job done when Twilight provided them with a little help on her behalf. When all of their luggage was safely aboard, the train waited a few more minutes for any late arrivals, and then slowly departed southward. Back towards Equestria and Ponyville where they would regroup with the other princesses.

Gordon coordinated with the train's chef and prepared hearty lunches for all of them. Gilda and Goldie opted to do a semi-vegetarian breakfast without any meat. They claimed that some griffons are adopting more Pony-like diets for health reasons.

Midway through their lunch, Gordon began to feel his stomach rumble and gurgle as gas began to build up inside.

"I think there might be something that's disagreeing with my stomach," Gordon said with discomfort.

"Well you did put cheese on those scrambled eggs you brought out. Are you lactose intolerant?" Fluttershy asked.

"Not to my knowledge my dear. I can eat cheese just fine."

"Don't you humans eat a lot of meat?" Twilight asked unamused. "It's no wonder that you are feeling gassy right now. Spike had issues for the first few weeks when he tried his first steak."

"It was your horrible baked beans that did that Twilight. Don't blame my poor steak." Spike sassed back.

Gordon then saw Gilda begin to snicker at them, but he couldn't fathom why, until his body did something unexpected.

All of a sudden, everypony's stomach including his own, started to growl violently as they started floating off the ground. The whole group began to panic while Gilda was laughing so hard that she was starting to cry. Pinkie was having the time of her life, Fluttershy was absolutely terrified, while everyone else was screaming their heads off.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Goldie repeatedly apologized. "I completely forgot about the effect the Water had on non-Griffons. It creates excessive buoyant gases in certain kinds of digestive systems."

"GET ME FUCKING DOWN FROM HERE AND FIX THIS!" Gordon screamed, before hitting his head into the door frame.

Goldie and Gilda simply looked at each other fearfully.

"Do-over," they said in unison.

Next Time: Back to Ponyville

Author's Note

A bit of Griffonian lore here and there I took the liberty to make up. I hope the chapter here is to your liking.

These intermission chapters help me put a bit of personality into my crossovers.

Let me know if there's anything I can do to fix this.

Back to Ponyville

Light wind and snow flurries whispered over the top and around the sides of the train as it continued southwards back to its homeland. The engine cranked and chugged over the frozen tracks, billowing out a thick grey river of smoke out of its stack. Nothing except an empty tundra for miles blocked its path. A few tufts of grass or the occasional weed popped up out of the surface of the ice, displaying the drop in temperature, despite how minimal it was compared to the sub-zero temperatures of the receding Griffon Kingdoms. The pink exterior of the Friendship Express was completely frosted over, dulling the rich colors of the fantastical locomotive.

Inside, however, was a different story, as Gordon and his new friends were enjoying the peak of warmth and luxury in their train car. Now joined by Gilda Gruff and Goldie Pheasant, Ponyville had gained two new permanent residents. Both of which were spending their long ride mostly relaxing with the other girls and talking about everything that had transpired in the past week alone. Twilight, however, had more pressing matters to attend to with her human friend. She was coordinating with Gordon and his production team on the next possible locations for their team to cover. Spike was listening intently, trying his best to understand all of the technical details. A trolley mare rolled her cart in and brought treats and drinks for all of them. Spike immediately snagged a plate of chocolate chip cookies and began stuffing his tiny mouth.

"So what's next?" Twilight asked.

"As we've explained before, we take calls from locations and get the go-ahead from the network to follow up on the tip," Gordon's producer explained. "Since there's no way for us to contact anyone, let alone do any sort of online research on anyone, we are kinda at a loss here in your country."

"Maybe when we get back to Ponyville, we can use my library in the castle to come up with some more concrete plans. The princess has some friends in Canterlot News that can do some research for us. I'm sure I can get the message out to Equestria about the services you and your team are offering Gordon," she said matter-of-factly.

"Well, your princess did say to have us look into your hotels as well, so we might as well start up a new season of Hotel Hell," Jay stated. "If we are doubling this as a campaign of improving public health and safety, that might be better for us if we go on multiple fronts."

"A season of what?" Spike mumbled with his mouth full of cookies.

"Hotel Hell. Back on Earth, I would evaluate some hotels in need of changes and renovations. Their personal restaurants would be evaluated as well on the side." Gordon explained. "More often than not, their level of cleanliness would also be a factor I would have to look into."

"Really? That actually would be very helpful to our efforts." Twilight replied thoughtfully with a hoof to her chin. "Though we only have a few bed and breakfast motels in Ponyville, I'm sure I can help you dig up some information on any hotels in nearby cities."

"Don't we have a few cafes and diners in Ponyville?" Spike asked. "Maybe Gordon can give them a look."

"Well, Sunshine Daisy's Cafe and Butter Mellow's Coffee Shop are usually pretty good with keeping everything top-notch. Both of them used to be honors students at Canterlot University. I'd hate to pick on that place though....."

"What place?" Gordon asked curiously.

Twilight suspiciously looked over to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash who were still talking with Gilda and Goldie at the other side of the train car. She then scooted over to Gordon until they were pressed up against each other and then whispered into his ear.

"I'd recommend you give Burger Princess Shack a check. Usually, they are pretty decent at least and make good bean burgers and fries, but lately, I've been getting stomach issues from their food. One night I even got sick and threw up a couple of times." she said quietly.

"Why are you talking like that, my dear?" Gordon asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's Rainbow's favorite place to go out to eat when she hangs out with Pinkie. She gets a little defensive when someone criticizes things she likes."

"Ah, I see. I'll give it a look and see what comes up."

"You got her all worked up now," Spike giggled. "She's going to stay up all night making a million checklists and surveys for you guys. Might as well get a few lattes to go."

Spike hopped off of the seats and walked towards the dining car. Twilight slung a small bag of bits towards the young dragon who caught it with two of his claws.

"Get me a small Hazelnut latte." Twilight instructed. "No cream."

He saluted and went on his way to complete her request.

They all continued conversing about various ideas for their future operations as the train continued onwards. Gordon smiled when he saw Goldie enjoying herself trying on some of Rarity's dresses and listening to Gilda talk about her "flight camp" stories with Rainbow Dash. Applejack meanwhile came over and sat down by the group, beaming with shiny teeth. Twilight had a feeling about what the earth pony mare wanted to ask Gordon, but she kept the idea to herself for the time being.

"While all you humans are gonna be in Ponyville, why don't you come over to Sweet Apple Acres one of these days? We'd love to show you all the famous hospitality of the Apple family," she asked.

"That would be lovely Applejack, if I find myself with a bit of free time, I'd be glad to pop over," Gordon replied happily.

"And uhhh..." Applejack started. "I did want to ask you something else to be perfectly honest."

"Yes?"

She seemed to want to say something but was too nervous to get it out.

"Everything alright Applejack?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, Yeah, I um, just wondered Gordon uh, if you would be willing to...ya know. Bring some of my family's goods back to Earth with you?"

"Bring your goods back to Earth with me?" Gordon repeated, trying to confirm what she was saying.

"Yeah, I figured it would be a good idea to capitalize on the permanent connection we have with Earth, so I was wondering if you could advertise my family's brand a little bit once you go back?"

She just stood there sweating, dreading any answer that was bound to come out of the blonde-haired human. What she didn't expect was a sudden chuckle out of him. The action nearly made the mare faint from anxiety.

"Oh calm down, I'm not about to bite your head off." Gordon laughed. "From what Twilight has told me, you could kick my fucking head off of my shoulders easily even if I tried. Sure, I'll give your products a once over and see if I can't come up with any marketing plans. Though I may have to get Twilight's permission here to actually do anything with that. As well as the other Princesses I'd imagine."

"I personally don't see why not, it sounds like a good opportunity for a bit more interspecies and inter-dimensional interaction between our worlds." Twilight shrugged. "But yeah, I'm going to have to take this up with the Princesses. You may have to send a message to your government as well. I'd imagine selling products in between dimensions will come with a lot of paperwork."

Applejack breathed out a sigh of relief at hearing that.

"Ah heck, I was getting all up in a tizzy over nothing," she stated. "I'm sorry. I was just a little nervous cause I didn't know when it would have been a good time to ask. I heard about your, "celebrity status" over there on Earth and I figured a few shoutouts from you, might push my family's brand a bunch."

"It's an admirable quality, Applejack. A little bit of boldness can get you far in the food industry." Gordon replied.

Applejack blushed with pride and tilted her hat to cover up her face.

"Ah shucks, thank you kindly, Gordon."

A few minutes later, Twilight noticed Gordon pulling a small pocket calendar out of his jacket and observed the date. She was having some trouble still reading human writing, but she could make out the symbol marked upon the specific day. It appeared to be a four-leafed clover colored a vibrant green.

"It's that time of the year already? Oh, fuck me. Oh well. Might as well have fun with it while it's here," Gordon groaned.

"What's wrong Gordon? Does something bad happen on this particular day?" Twilight asked curiously.

The man took off his shoes and socks and reached into his bag, pulling out a pair of black and green striped socks. Putting them on, he slipped his shoes back onto his feet.

"Not bad per se my friend, but certainly a little annoying. Despite how much I've come to tolerate this holiday."

"Well, you're in Equestria, not Earth, so you don't have to abide by anything here, but what exactly would you be celebrating today back on Earth?"

"That would be St. Patrick's Day, my friends. It's an Irish holiday in origin, though America has somewhat commercialized it."

"Aren't you uh, British though Gordon?" Spike asked.

"English and Scottish technically, and I guess American by sheer dedication too, but yes. I suppose it's more out of a tradition that most people celebrate it despite not being Irish. The basic thing to do today is wearing green or get pinched. Or just wear green just because and either eat some kind of Irish food or go out drinking." the human explained.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack zipped over to Gordon in a flash, nearly putting a scuff mark across the velvet carpeting of the train car.

"You have a holiday dedicated to drinking? That's awesome!" Rainbow cheered.

"Well, that is a big part of it, but not the whole thing. Like I said, Americans have brutally commercialized it. Something I admit I'm slightly guilty of right now."

"What spawned this...unique holiday then if I may ask?" Twilight inferred. "I'm in the process of studying human history and culture."

"Basically the idea is there was a Roman British boy in the late 4th century who was kidnapped and taken to Ireland as a slave. He escaped soon after, but later in life, he felt that he should do something to help the people of Ireland and save their souls as it were." Gordon explained. "He returned to the island and converted most of the people to Christianity. By the time he died, he had created many schools and churches. Though most people remember the legend about him driving the serpents out of Ireland and using the Shamrock as a way to preach."

"Fascinating." Twilight mused.

The mare pulled out her notebook and began writing a thousand words a minute, recording everything that she had heard.

"So you humans get into drinking competitions cause of this guy?" Rainbow asked excitedly.

"Not really, it's just Celtic insanity and tradition to do so and now a lot of people do it nowadays. The biggest ones to drink are malt beer or ale. Or even mead if you can find the rare brewery who still makes it."

The two daredevil ponies turned to each other with challenging looks.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking sugar cube?" Applejack asked mischievously.

"Absolutely!" Rainbow replied with a smirk.

"DRINKING CONTEST!"

They dashed out of their train car and into the dining car where they pelted the poor barkeeper pony with nonstop requests for their biggest mugs.

"What the hell was that about?" Gordon asked.

"Oh don't worry about it darling, they always like competing against each other like that in their spare time. They'll either tire themselves out or wake up with a bad hangover," Rarity replied rolling her eyes.

"Dash probably won't last long. Darn lightweight doesn't handle her liquor very well," Gilda added with snark.

"I suppose I could go for a small pint myself. Jay?"

"Sure, I'm game." his director replied. "Who's buying though?"

Twilight absent-mindedly threw a small pouch of bits at Gordon who caught it with ease.

"Thanks."

She just continued writing down in her spiral-bound notebook while Gordon, Jay, and the rest of the humans followed Gilda into the dining car.

Half a day later, the train made its way out of the tundra and back into the familiar rolling green pastures and thriving forests of Equestria. Gordon and his production team took the time to record a few segments of the train's kitchen staff. Both parties learned much from one another, especially Gordon. He considered the fact that if he was going to remain in Equestria for any period of time, it would be prudent to learn as much as he could about the various diets and eating habits of the locals. Keeping recording equipment steady on a shaky train, proved to be an interesting challenge for his Director, but with a little magical help from Rarity, they managed to keep everything still. In one instance, Gordon's boom microphone operators slipped and fell and accidentally clubbed two of the sous chefs in the head. Pinkie Pie provided them with more difficulties as she became a little too acquainted with one of their cameras.

"Is..there something that you needed Pinkie? We're a little busy," Gordon asked

Opening her mouth over the lens, she breathed on it and polished the glass with her mane, making faces at her own reflection.

"Can I help huh? Can I? Can I? Can I? It's really shiny! Bleauggh! Bloooo! Bleeeee! Blaaaaa!"

Pinkie just kept on repeatedly pleading with Gordon and everyone in the room for the next few minutes. The pony kitchen staff had mortified looks on their faces watching the pink mare's hyper-excited attitude

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! Jason, let her use the camera before she gives us a fucking coronary."

"It's $2000 equipment Miss Pinkie, can you be careful with it?" the cameraman in question said in a worried tone.

"Now we will be broadcasting the use of flowers in various Equine dishes--" he started before Pinkie wobbled the camera around.

"Upsy Daisy! Downsy Wownsy!, Upsy Daisy!, Downsy Wownsy!," she chattered as she tilted the camera up and down.

"Pinkie can you please not?" Gordon said through gritted teeth. "We need to be filming this properly if you don't mind."

Rarity tried increasing the intensity of her stability spell to account for Pinkie Pie's rambunctious actions.

"Darling, please. I am trying to help Gordon with his work." Rarity insisted. "It really is fabulous what he does."

"Awww, but I'm having so much fun!" the pink mare replied.

As she kept playing with the camera, Spike walked into the kitchen and saw what was going on. He shook his head and rolled his eyes at the pink mare.

"Any of you guys got duct tape?" Spike asked dryly.

"Why?" Gordon asked.

"Just cough it up," he said firmly.

One of Gordon's team members reached into his backpack and threw him a roll of heavy-duty duct tape. The tiny drake unraveled the tape and held it in both claws menacingly as he stepped towards the playing pink mare.

The sound of something being beaten up could be heard in the kitchen car as a convenient comedic dust cloud cloaked the young dragon's actions.

"Stop it! You are going to wreck my kitchen!" the chef pony wailed.

"Uhhh, is everything alright you two?" Gordon asked nervously. "I'd rather not have a fight start-up in the kitchen."

"Everything is cool Gordon," Spike assured. "Rainbow taught me to do this in case of Pinkie ever gets out of hand."

"Just like Rainbow to teach my Spikey something uncouth," the white unicorn grumbled.

The comedic dust cloud in the car dissipated as Gordon saw Pinkie completely duct-taped to the ground still having an abnormally large smile on her face like she was enjoying every minute of it."

"Oooh! I feel heavy," she said excitedly. "My hooves are all tingly and sticky!"

"Have you been getting into the coffee again Pinkie?" Spike asked suspiciously. "Last time, we caught you screaming into a tree when you had caffeine.

"NO! Well, maybe a little. I just can't help it, Spike, I LOVE ME A CUP OF JOE! Hey, why do they call it Joe? Did Pony Joe make it? Can there be a Cup of Sam? Cup of Bill? Cup of Harry? Cup of Greg? Cup of Dan? Cup of Mark?"

Gordon looked at Spike with a look that just screamed "what the fuck is going on?"

"She'll tire herself out soon, just ignore her. She collapses asleep when the coffee wears off." Spike said nonchalantly as he reached into a nearby fridge and pulled out a tub of ice cream.

"Thanks then...I guess. Fuck, this place is going to give me a heart attack." Gordon cursed.

"You'll get used to it eventually," Spike said as he grabbed a spoon and headed out of the kitchen car.

A day of complicated filming situations later, the train finally approached Ponyville, as it slowly but surely screeched to a halt at the Ponyville train station. The doors opened as the Twilight and Gordon stepped out first, followed by the rest of their unusual group of friends. Gordon's team carried their equipment and luggage out of the train and onto the platform as they all made their way back to Twilight's castle. Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity went on home to take care of a few things for the day. The others followed Gordon and Twilight back to the castle and into the main entrance lobby where they unloaded their luggage. Goldie and Gilda were enthralled by everything in Twilight's castle. Their eyes were glued to all of the crystalline structures and jeweled wall hangings.

"Dash...why didn't you tell me Twilight has a castle that is made of solid crystal?" Gilda asked slowly.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Slipped my mind I guess. Didn't think it was important," Rainbow shrugged.

"Your home is very beautiful your highness!" Goldie exclaimed. "It's a real honor and pleasure to be allowed inside your castle."

"Just Twilight is fine Goldie," Twilight said kindly. "We are all friends here."

"Had about the same reaction," Gordon chuckled. "Multiplied by a million."

The two-spotted Gilda messing around with a solid crystal lamp that sat in the middle of the lobby surrounded by plush velvet sofas. She pressed her face into the crystal-like a little kid pressing their face into the window of a toy store. Her eyes seemed to be twinkling as she made low joyful chirping noises. She then started to grind her beak against some of the dangling pieces on the lamp, making an awful scratching, scraping noise. Rainbow just stared at her horrified and weirded out, like she had grown a second head.

"You okay there Gil?" Rainbow asked nervously as she slowly stepped towards her griffon friend.

"Shiny..." the griffon cooed.

"Is she alright?" Gordon asked Goldie.

"Drugs tend to do that to people," Gordon quipped.

"Oh hush you, Gordon," Twilight snapped playfully.

"This happens with some griffons. Our avian sides from time to time pop out, resulting in unusual instincts." Goldie explained.

Rainbow tried to swipe the lamp away from the griffon, but the hen just clamped her beak tighter around the bottom. The two got into a tug of war over the appliance.

"MINE!" Gilda cawed.

"HAND IT OVER!"

"MINE!"

"GILDA! HAND IT OVER AND KNOCK OFF THE CRAZY!"

Gordon walked over and tried to help Rainbow pry the lamp from Gilda's beak without losing a finger himself.

"Calm the fuck down you crazy fucking chicken lady!" Gordon snapped.

A few seconds later, the trio slipped and launched the lamp into the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

"Oops".

"This is why I miss my library," Twilight groaned.

Next Time: Burger Princess Shack part 1

Author's Note

A few funny train interactions and conversations and some warm and cozy locations. I hope it provides for a decent chapter while I brainstorm coming up with new nightmares. Slice of Life chapters like this are a lot of fun to write. Since we crossed over the holiday while I was writing this, I figured I might as well mention it in some way. Remember to remain hopeful and productive during this whole outbreak situation. Writing stories like this is a great soothing outlet. As always, like the fic if you like it!

Burger Princess Shack part 1

That afternoon after arriving back to Ponyville from Griffonstone, Twilight permitted Goldie and Gilda to stay in the castle guest rooms until Rainbow and Rarity can properly prepare build rooms for each respective griffon. Gilda was a little too thrilled about the idea of staying in a castle practically made entirely out of shiny objects. Rainbow spent the better half of the afternoon chasing her around the castle, trying to keep her from stealing any of Twilight's appliances. In one extreme case, Gilda even tried stealing the memory gems off of the Golden Oaks Root Chandelier in their Throne Room. Goldie provided an odd calming device for Gilda in the form of a ball of yarn soaked in steak sauce.

Twilight meanwhile took both Gordon and Goldie on a proper tour of the castle. Going through each of the main hallways, her endless library wing, her large kitchen, the throne room, her indoor swimming pool, and even a royal study that she had not previously discovered up until that point. A few of Gordon's cameramen who were still awake after arriving back were filming every inch of the castle, making sure that everyone back on Earth could have a chance to see it.

By the time that the day had come to a close, Gordon was quite tired but he committed to making dinner for the gang to celebrate their success in Griffonstone. He helped Twilight and Spike make a sizable feast for everyone staying at the castle. Rainbow Dash decided to spend the night at the castle to help Gilda with the transition to living in Ponyville. Gilda tried to protest, but Rainbow Dash wouldn't take no for an answer. She had become very protective of the griffon ever since she had seen what went on at Greta's Bakery.

Twilight, Gilda, and Spike spent every moment in the kitchen watching Gordon and learning as much as they could from his every action. The lavender alicorn in particular felt ecstatic to have a worthy teacher once again, even if it was in a unique niche. She always had her trusty notebooks with her to document everything. Each of them was organized by color, subject, and relevance to the topics she was learning.

"What kinds of dish did you want to make tonight Gordon?" she asked excitedly. "Cooking is surprisingly fascinating! Especially the way you do it. "

"There is more than just eating you know," Gordon said matter of factly. "Cooking is math, chemistry, and physics as well. Everything has a reaction depending on what you add."

"Wow, I never thought about it like that."

"Well, you do tend to measure a lot when you're cooking," Gilda affirmed.

"You just want to stuff your face," Spike snarked at the mare.

Twilight batted at one of Spike's spines in humorous annoyance.

"I figured tonight, we can try something a little familiar to Las Vegas. Mexican food." Gordon replied.

"What's Mexican food?" Gilda asked. "And what the heck is Mexican?"

"Mexico my darling, is a country south of the United States. A beautiful mix of desserts, jungles, open fields, tiny mountain ranges and warm coastlines. Their food specializes in the use of processed corn and hot peppers in their cuisine. I believe your pink friend already knows how to make one Mexican dish. The classic chimichanga. Though, I'm still not entirely certain why ponies have their own versions of burgers and tacos here."

"Oh yeah," Gilda replied in confirmation. That cherry changa thing of hers. Pink has always been a little bit out there, but I never thought she knew about you humans before we did."

"She didn't" Spike added. "Its just--"

"Pinkie being Pinkie," Twilight and Spike said in unison.

Gordon grabbed two large frying pans and set them on the stove. He then poured a small amount of oil into each pan and turned on the stove, looking slightly satisfied when it sparked to life.

"First thing we have got to do is get those pans nice and hot," he instructed as the group watched him. "Twilight my dear, hand me some of your salmon would you?"

Nodding, Twilight ignited her horn and opened the nearby freezer, levitating a case of cleaned fish fillets on to the counter next to him.

"That's a lot of fish," Rainbow said jokingly.

Some of the humans in the room groaned in annoyance while the ponies just looked at them in confusion.

"What?"

"Don't fucking ask," Gordon groaned. "A fucking stupid line from a bad movie."

"Well, Spike is a great fisher pony," Twilight replied.

"These will do quite nicely actually. Thank you Twilight."

Gordon carefully pulled the lid off of the container and pulled six medium sized fillets out, setting them on a wooden board.

"All of that flavor in that fresh flaky meat. We start with adding freshly grounded salt and pepper." he continued.

Taking nearby salt and pepper grinders, he cranked them and watched small shining crystals of salt and robust black specks of cracked pepper fall on to each of the fillets.

Lifting the pan up, he moved the oil around and plopped the fillets into the pan away from him.

"Always try to place the meat in the pan away from you so you don't splatter yourself. Give the pan a couple of shakes to keep the meat from sticking to the pan. If it sticks, it'll burn really quickly."

Then he grabbed a couple of small jars from one of the nearby cabinets, opened them up and gave each of them a deep whiff to identify their contents. Satisfied with what he found, he placed them next to the stove and began scooping from each jar and mixing them into a small bowl.

"Here, I will show you a really easy marinade to use for the fish. Start out with two tablespoons of fermented soy beans. Which is also called Misu Paste back home. That gives it a really nice, rich sort of sweetness to it. A tablespoon of sugar, a couple of table spoons of white wine. Do you happen to have any on hand Twilight?"

"Oh sure! I usually have a couple of bottles of chardonnay around for Rarity or the princesses." Twilight replied.

"Have any beer in this place?" Gilda asked curiously.

"In the cellar, though I try to stay away from it unless we are having a party here or something."

Heading into her wine closet, Twilight rummaged around through her various bottles. Gordon heard her drop and break a couple of bottles. A small flood of red liquid came pouring out of the, closet and into the kitchen like a red river. Twilight started cursing up a storm, using new unique words that made even Rainbow Dash cringe. A flash of violet appeared in the closet, and Twilight trotted out with her hair sopping wet, smelling of wine. The bottle was floating in her magical grasp as she handed it off to Gordon. He gave her an amused look which she did not have at all. Her annoyance only increased when Gilda and Spike began giggling at her expense.

"Spike?...Do you think you can get---" she started.

"The mop, sure yeah," he snickered as he ran out of the room.

"Sweet jesus, are you alright?" Gordon asked with concern. "I hope you didn't step in any broken glass."

"I'll be fine...I just need a towel...and a shower before I go to bed. I smell like a brewery. Is this bottle alright?" she asked through gritted teeth presenting it to Gordon.

"Hey, you'll be the life of the next party at least!" Gilda guffawed.

Twilight just shot them a silencing look before turning her attention back to Gordon.

Grabbing the bottle out of her magical grasp, he looked over the label. It had a small image of an outline of a hoof and the golden words said Bare Hoof Chardonnay.

"Not sure if its like the brand back home, but this will do okay. I'm looking for the vinegar kick it will give the marinade anyway." the human said. "Spike lad! We need that towel on the double! I'd rather have a happy alicorn watching me work."

"I hear ya!" Spike called from down the hall.

Spike came dashing back into the kitchen with a mop in one claw and a large white towel in another and began wrapping up Twilight, patting down every inch of her. She seemed to feel a bit better once her coat wasn't soaked in wine, though her annoyance at Gilda and Rainbow didn't stop as the two continued to snicker at her.

"Please continue Gordon and let's never speak of this again shall we?" Twilight insisted.

"Fine with me. Long as you are alright to continue. I'll add a few table spoons of olive oil to my marinade. Then a bit of salt and pepper. I'm looking for a sort of nice, thick, rich marinade out of this."

He took a whisk and mixed the mixture together until it was smooth and viscous like honey.

"Now, we've gotta flip our fish fillets." he continued.

Using a spatula, he carefully flipped each slightly darkened fillet over on to their uncooked sides for a few seconds, and then placed all of them into a large raised pan where he poured the marinade on top of them.

"Let the fillets soak in the marinade for a few minutes. Now, we want something sort of pickly. Got any cabbage in here?"

"Coming right up chef!" Spike exclaimed as he ran into their produce cooler and came out with two big cabbages.

"Beautiful. Those will do nicely."

Grabbing both and placing them on a cutting board, Gordon sliced them length wise and started dicing them into tiny strips. He then placed the shredded cabbage into another small bowl and began seasoning it.

"A pinch of red chili flakes to give it a small hint of spice and a touch of fresh lemon juice," he said as he grabbed a lemon from a nearby fruit basket and squeezed out some of the juice into the cabbage.

Opening the spice cupboard again, he looked around the various bottles until he pulled one out that had a golden liquid dancing around inside of it. He then unscrewed the lid and smelled.

"Toasted sesame oil," he said with assurance. "Just a couple of drops of that into the cabbage.

"How can you tell?" Spike asked as he jumped up on to the counter.

"Smell is a sense we gotta improve in our field, sport," Gilda stated. "The scent of the food and the ingredients is part of the experience."

"And it certainly helps when a difficult owner won't tell me what they are putting into their food." Gordon added.

"You are REALLY into this Gil, I'm surprised." Rainbow replied.

"What, you just think I was into stunt flying, scones, and sleeping?" she asked.

"No, I just didn't expect a hobby like this out of you. You're what we like to call a valkyrie chick Gil, you're pretty hardcore. So its just a little jarring is all."

Gilda just laughed pridefully at that statement. Then she looked off into the distance with a dreamy gaze as if she was recollecting something from a long time ago.

"When I was a hatchling, I liked reading some of the ancient cook books in what was left of the Imperial Library. I guess it inspired me."

"The state of that magnificent library still haunts my nightmares,"Twilight shivered. "I wonder if I can convince the Steward to send them down here so I can repair all of the damaged books in Equestria?"

"Come on! What's next Gordon?" Spike asked impatiently. "This is making me really hungry!"

"Next, we mix the cabbage together, and set it aside into a bowl. Then we need something to bring the tacos all together. Have any wasabi around here Twilight?"

"I ALWAYS SAVE SOME FOR MY SPECIAL CUPCAKES!" Pinkie shrieked as she popped out of a pot.

Everyone in the room nearly jumped out of their skins at the sudden arrival of the pink mare

"HOLY SHIT!" Gordon swore. "Can you please not fucking do that Miss Pie? You scared the living daylights out of me!"

"I heard a cry for help, and here I am!" she said innocently as she presented some ingredients to Gordon.

"Don't you have to babysit the Cakes again tonight Pinkie?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.

"The little sweeties are fast asleep. I was getting booooooooored." she whined.

She handed over a tube of wasabi paste and a big bottle of Barbecue Sauce. Trying to compose himself, Gordon reluctantly grabbed the items. His mind did a double take however, when he took a look at the second item.

"I needed the wasabi, but not the Barbecue Sauce...."

"It's for tomorrow silly! Don't let that lady push you around!"

Pinkie ducked back into the pot and disappeared into thin air once again. Gordon tried his best to calm his breathing.

"That fucking mare is going to kill me one of these days, I just know it."

When everyone was calmed down, Gordon continued his cooking. His last step was creating a spicy mayonnaise and toasting tortillas on the stove to turn them into crunchy shells. He then used a rolling pin to shape them as they cooled and hardened. Preparing over a dozen plates was quite a hassle, but Gordon pulled it off rather nicely as he placed the plates on to a large tray.

His skills once again impressed the residents of Equis as they all sat down at a small table waiting for their food.

"That smells really awesome Gordon," Rainbow said as she licked her lips greedily.

"I agree. Every time Spike or me cooks dinner, its just something relatively simple. Maybe we should invest in a head chef for the castle. Interested in a permanent job here Gordon?" Twilight asked jokingly.

"I guess I can consider anything at this point," Gordon chuckled in response. "My career has gone through some odd turns as of late."

The human chef didn't notice that all the while he was serving their dinner, a certain brash griffon in the room was eyeing him longingly. A longing look that she was certain would continue far into the future....

After dinner, Gordon and the girls all went off to bed to get an early start. Twilight was still unsure about any legitimate leads in the surrounding cities of Equestria, so she considered that searching around in Ponyville first would be a safe enough start. At the very least it might give them the home field advantage with their endeavors.

The next morning, Gordon woke up once again to another sunny day in the land of Equestria. The warm sunlight creeped through the curtains of his bedroom window and landed on his blanket, where it warmed him up delightfully in a comforting hug. Pulling off his blankets, he swung his legs off the edge of the bed and stretched them, hearing a satisfying pop from his joints. He couldn't help but feel quite grateful that he had the honor to live in a castle with a princess while he conducted his services. When he first arrived, he was apprehensive to how unusually forward and friendly everyone in this dimension was. However, it was very refreshing as opposed to many of the abrasive people he had encountered in his long career. Out of all of them though, Gordon had found something of a kinship with Princess Twilight Sparkle and her adoptive son Spike. They reminded him much of his own family and in many respects of himself. They both shared a passion for learning and traveling to different places. The only difference was she was a bit more tolerant of foolish people than he was. Ever since he had arrived there in Equestria, she had treated Gordon like he was very much a part of their unique family. It got him to considering maybe owning a second house, in Ponyville, apart from his home on Earth. His wife and daughters would probably get along with his new friends swimmingly.

Gordon had a small breakfast with Twilight and Spike as they went over a few final plans before setting up the newest Nightmare. Rainbow and Gilda left soon after to Cloudsdale to get acquainted with her new permanent lodgings at Rainbow Dash's Cloud Mansion. Goldie sat down with them at the table and at quietly as she listened in on their conversation.

"Do you know the owner of this...Burger Princess?" Gordon asked the alicorn.

"His name is Skillet. He's a nice unicorn stallion," Twilight said cheerfully. "I've known him and his family since I moved to Ponyville. He runs the restaurant with his mother and father. Apparently they moved here from Clawstraila when his grandfather passed away. I remember hearing that something about a large inheritance was involved but I don't remember much else."

"Clawstralia? Fuck me freddy," Gordon swore silently at the inter dimensional pun. "Okay, so a literal family run business. A dying business type, but it is good to see it still in practice over here too."

"Lately however, I've been hearing that they have been getting sloppy with their quality and fights have been breaking out a lot more often than usual. Plus, they've been adding some...really weird native Clawstralain Aborigine dishes."

"Like what?"

"The usual really weird stuff," Spike replied nonchalantly. "Bat soup, Stuffed Beetles with Garlic Paste, Kangaroo Pies, Termite Dip, Eucalyptus Wraps, and even Scorpion Pops. I'm pretty sure those last two are extremely dangerous though. I'd rather not eat something that could poison me from the inside. I hear humans eat those things sometimes without any problems though."

"Ohhhhh," Gordon said in realization. "Yeah...that type of eatery is tricky to set up, especially if you arent catering to a specific audience. Plus, working closely with your own family in a business can be both a curse and a blessing, given the circumstances."

Twilight lifted her glass of orange juice and gave a big swig of the drink.

"Twilight and I have always done business with each other and we still love each other," Spike insisted as he shoveled a pancake into his mouth.

"That's because you listen to me and follow my directions," the alicorn added as she rubbed the dragon's head affectionately.

Spike simply smiled at the display and went back to eating.

"Boys are definitely easier too when they are little," Gordon chuckled. "You should have seen what my daughters and I were like."

"I hope I get the chance to meet them one day. Anyway though, after we're done eating, I should probably clean myself up a bit. We should probably get started on our newest operation soon."

"I'll wake up Jay and the others and give them a quick run down of what to expect. Take them with you and start setting up the recording equipment at the restaurant. I will arrive there this afternoon like I did the last two nightmares."

"Why do you do that anyway? Wouldn't it be easier just to go there the first time around with your team?" Spike asked.

"For recording a show, its better that the production team gets there first and lets the owners of the restaurant know what to expect. That way they will be a bit more familiar with our equipment and how we conduct the interview segments for each Nightmare." Gordon explained.

"I would imagine that it also gives the restaurant time to prepare themselves for your arrival." Twilight added.

Gordon shook his head.

"Sometimes, but more often than not, they either forget to or think that their restaurant is perfect."

"Well I certainly hope they can clean up their act before you arrive," Twilight said.

After they finished their food, Gordon woke up his production team and gave them a quick run down on their newest gig. He instructed Jay and his camera crew to follow Twilight across town, and begin their pre recordings for the episode. Gordon remained behind and went to Rarity's with Goldie to see her new living arrangements.

At the other side of town in the growing 2nd street, Twilight escorted the humans through the various new shops and restaurants that were slowly emerging in Ponyville. Her recent ascension to the throne attracted many a pony from all over Equestria to set up their businesses in her town of residence. Today was somewhat more relaxed and a small number of ponies were out and about spending their bits at each of the locations on the street. Twilight spotted the Flower Sisters setting up shop by the side walk, attracting many ponies with the scents of their plants and spices. The light sound of cello music could be heard through out the street, coming from one of the cafes.

Twilight directed the group towards the left side of the street where their objective lied. It was a single story building with a more contemporary design, like one would find in Manehattan as opposed to the rustic aesthetic Ponyville was known for. It had a simple white and black color scheme. Simple, but striking enough to capture the attention of the passing pony. Across the front side of the top of the restaurant were the words Burger Princess Shack in bold yellow lettering. A vague outline of Princess Cadence's crown sat at the top of the B in Burger, most likely as a trademark.

Heading inside, Twilight was met by an older light green unicorn stallion who recognized her instantly. He was a portly stallion with a blue shirt draping down his side.

"Your highness! Crikey! Its been a while since we've been graced with your presence," the pony beamed. "Are you here for lunch? And who are these...fellas with you?"

The humans there recognized the accent as clearly Australian, but obviously it had to have been Equestria's version of the nationality.

"Its nice to see you again Red Skillet. I've been pretty busy with my royal duties. Not enough time for a nice burger out on the town unfortunately. I've really missed eating here a lot. Right now though, I am here for something else." she replied cheerfully.

"What can I do ya for your highness?"

"I would like to talk to all of you before we can get down to business if that's alright."

The pony's smile turned into a frown of confusion, but he then shrugged and complied with her request.

"Alrighty. Tulip! Come out here sheila! We've got a prestigious guest who wants to talk with us!"

An older pink pegasus mare with a blonde mane and tired looking eyes came out of a back room and smiled when she saw Twilight.

"Princess! It is good to see you again! We have missed hosting our finest customer!" the mare said.

She trotted up to the front and gave a quick bow to Twilight who felt slightly embarrassed by the display.

"Apparently the princess here has something she wants to tell us." Skillet said with an unsure tone in his voice.

"What would you like to talk to us about? And who are these strange people?" she asked

"Is there a place we can sit?

They nodded as they directed Twilight to and empty booth by the wall where they sat down on either side. The couple scooted over to give themselves enough room to move.

"What can us blokes do for you?" Skillet asked.

"Its more what I can do for you Skillet. I've heard that your restaurant has been having a lot of problems lately and I would like to help."

Both ponies had looks of exhaustion and disappointment on their faces as they lightly nodded back at her.

"Fair dinkum my lady," Skillet replied. "We've been having problems with our business ever since new ponies started showing up in Ponyville. These reviewers and big city folk are giving us a bad time. Our food used to be good, but our staff has become convinced that its bad now. Our son is working with us now, but even that has been causing some....family problems with us."

"We are at the end of our rope your highness. Our business is suffering and we don't know why." Tulip stated. "Can you really help us?"

"Its not what I can do to help you, but what my new friend from Earth can do for you. His name is Chef Gordon Ramsay and he most definitely can help. I just hope you can take a lot of raised voices in here."

Next Time: Burger Princess Shack part 2

Author's Note

Something fun and nice as a prelude to another crazy nightmare. Prepare for weird aborigine meals from Clawstralia, screaming matches between owners, and random gags from our crew of favorite ponies.

I hope this provides you with some entertainment during this crazy time.

As always, comment, like, and tell me if there's anything you might like for me to add.

Burger Princess Shack part 2

Its the most intense Kitchen Nightmares of the year. Chef Ramsay is tasked with heading to a Ponyville Burger joint. Little does he know that he will find a family of unicorns at war. The Clawstralian immigrant Red Skillet and his son have lost the bond they once had. Red Skillet and his wife's relationship is tested every day, and Tulip can no longer communicate with her son. There are so many leaks in this family business, that it might be impossible to stay afloat. Stay tuned to find out how Gordon will deal with this severely dysfunctional family.

On the east side of town, Gordon was following Spike through the open green streets of Ponyville, towards Carousel Boutique. The human's presence was still something of an oddity in Ponyville as some of the ponies couldn't help themselves but gawk in fascination at the blonde Scotsman. He didn't mind though, as most of the ponies he had come across in Ponyville were friendly and welcoming as can be. He ran into Applejack and Rarity's sisters Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom digging holes in the middle of the street. Apparently, they hoped that they would find buried treasure under the town. Goldie followed alongside to be introduced with her new place of employment. The idea of working with not only an Element of Harmony, but also one of Equestria's premiere fashion designers excited her greatly.

A few minutes later, the group arrived at Carousel Boutique. It was a large three story building colored in various shades of lavender, white, pink, and yellow. The doors were a deep violet with large glazed windows placed in the center. The primary windows of the ground floor were tall and circular, giving them a vaguely gothic style. A construction crew was busy setting up two separate new sections to the Boutique on either side of the building. The sounds of jack hammers and saws echoed through the area, almost blotting out the sounds of their own voices.

"Is this Carousel Boutique?" Gordon asked Spike.

"I hope it still is," he replied unsure. "Where did all of these guys come from?

"Perhaps we should inquire within?" Goldie suggested.

Making their way through stacks of lumber, irritable worker ponies, and tools laying about all over, the three went inside. All they found however was more of a mess as the door opened too rolls of fabric, boxes of needles and pins, mirrors, sequins, collars, and all sorts of various tools and objects thrown all over the inside of the room. What Gordon was able to make out through the mess is the inside of the boutique was stylized in a vaguely classical French style with golden Fleur De Lis emblazoned upon many of Rarity's crimson red tapestries and curtains. Much of the white walls were inlaid with gold leaf and swirling patterns of the sort. Unfortunately, all of this was overshadowed by the abysmal mess in Rarity's home.

"Shit, does she ever do any cleaning or organizing?" Gordon asked. "It looks like my living room after I let my daughter fool around with the laundry bin."

"Rarity likes to call it organized chaos. She can't find things if they are organized," Spike stated.

"Oh I can Spikey, I just like having my things in certain spots, but maybe I should pick up a little bit," the unicorn in question said.

Rarity strode into the main room of the Boutique wearing small purple glasses and a roll of measuring tape.

"Miss Rarity! How are you this fine morning?" Goldie politely asked with a small bow.

"Quite good! I have had a few ideas bouncing around in my brain for days that I must attend to and a few curiosities that I must sate," she stated.

"What are you?--" Gordon tried to ask as Rarity approached Gordon with a look of mischief and determination.

She dashed up to Gordon who tried to protest her advances but was silenced when she wrapped the human every which way in measuring tape.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!? HEY, HEY, HEY, WATCH THE MERCHANDISE IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND!"

"Oh quit being a big baby, you are my first celebrity client from Earth, I must make a good impression," Rarity sassed.

Gordon yelled incoherently and made an uncomfortable noise when she tied her tape too closely to a sensitive spot on his lower body.

"Rarity who were all of those ponies out there?" Spike asked.

"For dear Goldie of course," she replied. "And for myself I have to admit."

"For me?" Goldie reiterated. "Really?"

"Why yes darling, you must have a suitable room and living area here in Ponyville. You are now my top assistant and my first model, I won't have anything but the best for my new friend. Also, since business is booming more than ever, there is need for me to expand the floor. I'm just killing two birds with one stone, so to speak."

Goldie yanked Rarity away from Gordon and lifted her into the air, hugging her tightly. The sudden action surprised Rarity's vital organs. The bad kind of surprised.

"Oh, thank you so much! You are so wonderful miss Rarity!"

"You...are quite welcome. I am always happy to help. Now...if you don't mind, can you....please....put me...down?" Rarity gasped out. "I am having a hard time...breathing."

"Oh, yes! Yes! Of course! My apologies."

Goldie gently placed Rarity safely back on to the floor and coughed politely as she blushed in embarrassment.

Rarity composed herself and made a short little giggle.

"I'm glad you are grateful anyway Goldie," Rarity said. "This is taking a bit out of my pocket book."

"Oh, I'm sure," Gordon rebutted with an eye roll.

The pitter patter of a small set of hooves came down a nearby stairwell. Gordon wondered if it was a dog Rarity might have owned.

"Rarity, have you seen my shovel? Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and I are digging for jewels this afternoon," a sweet little voice asked the white unicorn.

"Oh Sweetie, must you always pick the most filthy of activities in the middle of the week? Cleaning your coat takes two hours and I have a lot of work to do today!"

"I promise I'll use more shampoo to--night,"

Gordon watched as a tiny unicorn filly with lavender and pink hair and a white mane step around the corner and take in the view of her new house guests. The filly's eyes widened and her pupils shrunk in surprise as they darted from person to person, trying to process everyone's presence.

"Rarity? Is there a human in our house? Or am I still feeling the effects of that funny looking drink Miss Berry gave to me?" the filly asked.

"Yes, Sweetie Belle, he is real. This is Chef Gordon Ramsay, and this is the newest member of our household. Goldie Pheasant. She just came down from Griffonstone. She shall be working as my assistant from now on."

Sweetie Belle walked right up to Gordon with a raised eye and touched his leg with her hoof, half expecting him to be an illusion.

"So you're a real human?" the filly asked puzzled. "Not some dream?"

"You never can tell can you?" Gordon replied with a hint of snark. "Nice to meet you regardless Sweetie."

Gordon grabbed Sweetie's hoof and gently shook it. She was apprehensive for a moment but then reciprocated the gesture.

"Nice to meet you too Chef. Do you think you can teach me a few pointers? My Mom is coming over next week and I'd like to cook for---

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Rarity shrieked. "Do you have any idea how long it took to clean the kitchen last time?"

She grabbed Sweetie Belle with her and shoved her out the door, despite her loud protests, encouraging her to find her friends. The action startled Gordon and Goldie, leaving them with a large variety of unanswered questions.

"Something I'm missing Rarity?" Gordon asked concerned.

"That seemed...a little harsh perhaps?" Goldie offered.

"Eh, she's like that with everyone sometimes," Spike added.

Coughing into her hoof, Rarity opened a nearby drawer and pulled out a roll of black cloth, beginning her next creation. She talked as she was working to try to defuse the oddly tense atmosphere.

"My apologies Gordon. I love my sister. She has the most beautiful voice and an imagination that rivals my own, but her cooking is absolutely appalling. Or you might say her ability to ruin food is absolutely extraordinary. Her idea of toast was a black glass of burnt mush."

"I'm sure it isn't that bad, but if you want, I could spare a little time to assist her with a short beginning cooking course after my next Nightmare. Twilight is busy scouting the place downtown."

"I would hate to take up your time Gordon, you are quite busy after all."

"Ah dont worry about it. I love working with kids. She seems like an adorable young lady," Gordon said with a smile.

"She is at that," Rarity giggled. "I only wish she and her friends would stay out of trouble."

Just then, five flowerpots fell from off of the roof, followed by a cheer from three fillies.

"Oh dear."

Gordon and Goldie spent an hour talking with Rarity about a variety of things. Spike just lurked around the room rummaging through Rarity's belongings whenever he thought nobody was looking. Gordon could already tell that the young drake had a rather unhealthy obsession for the mare. He thought about discussing the sensitive topic with Spike later when they weren't in the presence of other women. When Gordon asked about their parents, Rarity had explained that their parents were cruise liner agents and were almost always away from home.

After two hours of friendly conversation had passed, until they finally had to go. Rarity gave Gordon his gift which he was ever so honored to receive. Gordon tried to insist on paying for the expensively made item, but the mare would not have it. Relenting, Gordon helped tidy her main work space a little bit before heading back out to his next Nightmare in Ponyville. Goldie decided to go back to the castle with Spike while he took care of the first phase of his new Nightmare.

Walking down the streets of Ponyville, soon he came to the location of the Burger Princess Shack and immediately noticed the beautiful surroundings of this particular part of Ponyville. Emerald green grass lining the streets, tiny little trees on either side of the building attracting all manner of birds, and a view of Twilight's Castle and the distant mountains in all directions.

"Quite the gorgeous spot for a restaurant actually," Gordon stated to himself, thoroughly impressed. "Smack dab in the center of Ponyville."

While he was enjoying the scenery, Mayor Mare was once again, busy stalking the human, watching his every move from the bushes, peering right through a pair of binoculars.

Not noticing the creeping politician pony, Gordon went inside the front doors and noticed how nice and decent the interior decor was. Very bright and vibrant, as the sun shined through, the colors seemed to pop even more.

"Promising, not a bad start," Gordon mused.

Gordon saw Twilight sitting by the entrance on a long red plush bench. Her face perked up once she laid her eyes on the human.

"Gordon! You're here! I was starting to get worried." Twilight stated cheerfully.

"Rarity isnt Pinkie, but she can still talk a man's ear off with the best of them."

"She gets like that when she gets excited."

"I know I certainly am. Do you know where the owner is my darling?" Gordon asked patiently.

"He went back into the kitchen before you showed up to check on something, I hope he doesn't take too long. I helped Jay set up your cameras and lights around the restaurant. I believe we are all ready to get started."

Just then, a light green unicorn stallion came out of the double doors to the Kitchen into the main dining room. He came bounding over to Gordon. Gordon walked over to him, to meet the stallion halfway.

"Good morning," Gordon greeted.

"Mornin mate, I'm Red Skillet, yeah I know, color is a bit misleadin aint it? Green Skillet was my father and you can guess what his color was", Red Skillet said laughing at his own joke.

A pink pegasus mare came from around the corner and shook Gordon's hand warmly.

"I'm Tulip Mr. Gordon, Its a pleasure to have you," she said.

"Likewise, why don't we sit down and have a chat?"

"We have a great opportunity here! We have Princess Twilight and a great human chef to improve us!" Red Skillet exclaimed to his interviewer. "Otherwise, what the hell are they here for?"

Twilight came over to the table and sat down next to Gordon.

"How long have you been open here?"

"We came here not long before the Princess first moved here, so about five years," Red Skillet explained.

"So you're acquainted with the area then? Good, good. Would you say that the business here is making money?" Gordon asked firmly.

Red Skillet gave a big depressed sigh as he prepared to respond.

"I am afraid not Chef, we have been losing nine to ten thousand bits a month. Every month."

Gordon was surprised by this, especially with a restaurant in such a beautiful town like Ponyville. Twilight even more so, not knowing how much her former favorite hang out place was suffering.

"What happened exactly?" Twilight asked.

"How did everything go so wrong?"

"It may have been a combination of a lot of things that we did wrong. I think it might be because that we changed the menu too many times."

"How many times did you change the menu exactly?" Twilight asked.

"Thirty times your majesty," Tulip replied.

"Thirty?!"

"That's gotta be multiple times a month!" Gordon exclaimed. "What about the Head Chef? You normally only change when the Chef changes. How many Chefs do you have?"

"Ten."

"Jeez. What about the front of house? Has it been as bad?"

"Yeah, we've been through about 40 servers." Skillet replied.

Twilight was taken aback. She knew they were having problems, but she couldn't imagine that her former favorite restaurant was in this bad of shape. It pained her to think that there were many more friendship, marriage, and family problems in Equestria that the map never told her about.

"So thirty menus, ten head chefs, and forty servers. What the hell is going on?" Gordon asked concerned.

"Neighers killed us," Skillet said bluntly.

"The what?"

"Neigh is pretty much Equestria's version of Earth's Yelp." Twilight whispered to Gordon. "Its kind of strange how similar they are actually, just without the use of a smart phone over here. Instead, its more of a physical message board placed in Town Hall.

Gordon nodded, starting to understand what was occurring at Burger Princess.

"The Neighers trashed us terribly. They are also taking down and ripping up five star reviews that we once had." Skillet continued angrily.

"Oh come on--" Gordon groaned in disbelief.

"I can prove it! I can show you the bits of paper that used to be our reviews!"

"Are you seriously telling us you think that there is a plot against you, from Neigh?" Twilight asked sternly. "To close your business?"

"No question about it Princess," Skillet nodded.

"He's been reading too many Con Mane books, cause that is highly unlikely Gordon," Twilight discreetly whispered.

The tension started to rise as Gordon and Twilight slowly started to build a concrete picture in their heads about the overall situation.

"How did you come to build a restaurant here in Ponyville?" Gordon inquired. "I would imagine building in a prime location like Ponyville would be costly. Back on Earth, its expensive as it is. Especially in America. Where did the money come from?"

"Skillet inherited 500,000 rainbow opals from his father's estate." Tulip explained.

"Nice, those are quite rare and extremely valuable on Earth, good to know there's at least a bit more of them here." Gordon mused.

"They are very valuable to unicorns in enhancement of earth elemental magic spells as well," Twilight added. "I wouldn't mind acquiring a few of my own if possible. Spike's species can apparently breath 4 elemental magics other than fire."

"So he put all of them into it, but then we soon started running out of money, and in order to open, my husband turned to my son. My son Ayers is also in for another 500,000 of the rainbow opals, because he inherited some as well."

Twilight notice that Red Skillet was starting to fidget around in his chair.

"I was managing his money, so I actually took part of the money to put into the restaurant," Skillet explained.

"And as the manager of his funds, you invested it into the business?"

"Yes."

"Did Ayers even know about it?" Twilight asked feeling anger start to boil in her.

"Of course, he knew about it! .....Eventually at least."

Twilight and Gordon gave each other a disbelieving look, about ready to rip into the two ponies.

"What do you mean eventually?" Gordon asked.

"I told him after the fact."

"What???"

"It was necessary to sort of coax him into it Chef, we had no other choice," Tulip added. "Taking a bit of his money was a necessary evil."

'Remain civil, remain civil,' Twilight thought to herself. 'I have no idea how Gordon has managed to deal with humans like this for years, let alone for a few days.'

Gordon rubbed the bridge of his nose and brushed his hand through his blonde hair in irritation.

"Seriously? Is Ayers here? I would definitely like to talk with him," Gordon requested.

"He does the evening shift,"

"I assume then the both of you work the daytime shift?"

They nodded vigorously.

"You don't work together at all?"

"Not that much no. As typical Clawstralians we tend to lock our horns like a couple of crook mongrels."

"My son has a great deal of resentment towards me and I have no idea why," Skillet explained.

"How do you think the food you serve is here?" Gordon asked honestly.

"I think its pretty ripper!," Skillet replied with zeal. "I would say its four to five star. Worthy of being within proximity of our newest ruler. I know for a fact she shall love the food now just as much as she did when she was still visiting."

To punctuate his point, Red Skillet bowed his head to Twilight in subservience. The lavender alicorn raised her eyebrow at the display and felt strangely sick to her stomach by it.

"Four to five stars wow! Okay, so you are one star out. I got the background thank you, and now I think my royal friend and I would very much like to start ordering."

Red Skillet and Tulip got up out of their chairs slowly and started making their way back into the kitchen to continue their work and await Gordon and Twilight's orders.

"I'm sure this Dag human chef will love my burgers. And I know the princess will continue to support her favorite restaurant. She has been one of my most faithful patrons ever," Red exclaimed with pride. "Without a shadow of a doubt."

One of the waitress ponies came around to take the duo's orders. It was a brown pegasus pony with a large black mane shaped like a butterfly. It was all held together by what appeared to be a golden bow. She wore a long sleeved peach colored shirt with light pink accents and a tightly worn pink scarf around her neck. She seemed friendly enough, if a bit tired.

"Hello there my darling," Gordon greeted.

"Oh my! I didn't realize we were having royal guests here today!" the mare said startled. "Please forgive my ignorance Princess Twilight."

"Just Twilight Iris, we've known each other for a few years," the alicorn replied gently. "Your cousin Daisy has been a dear friend for ages."

"Oh, sorry! Its just so weird to see you as royalty now. I want to show my respect after all."

"Iris huh? Pretty name. A lot of mares here seemed to be named after flowers," Gordon quipped.

Iris shook Gordon's hand firmly and gained a big smile on her face.

"Oh yeah, but I'm lucky enough to be the only Iris. Its nice to meet you Mr. Human."

"Gordon is fine," he chuckled. "Now on to business I'm afraid. What would you say is the problem here at the restaurant?"

Iris' smile left in place of an exhausted frown.

"There's a serious lack of management in this place. The hay burgers used to be delicious, and now they are never cooked right. They are always sent back. Whatever mixture Red is using for these burgers smells funky and tastes as bad as it smells."

"Oh wow," Gordon groaned out.

"That sounds like a health issue we should probably look into Gordon," Twilight suggested.

"I am finding myself apologizing to our customers probably three dozen times a night. It gets really bad really quickly." Iris told her interviewer. "As a pony, that seriously wears on my patience and my spirit.I go home and I always feel guilty for selling bad food to hungry ponies."

"There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to the way anything is made anymore. I'm not exactly sure what happened myself."

Gordon looked over to Twilight while twirling around a straw from a container on the table between his fingers. She nodded tiredly back at him signaling that they should probably begin with their ordering.

"Alright well, let me go for an old classic to see if it still holds up. Give me a Las Pegasus Hay Burger with extra avacado. Light on the Fat Free Cheese please." Twilight instructed. "A side of Phrench Fries as well please."

Iris pulled a notepad seemingly out of nowhere and pulled a quill out of her mane and started writing down their orders.

"What about you chef?"

Gordon picked up one of the menus left on the table and browsed the selections until he found something potentially promising.

"I think I will try the Cowpony Veggie Burger. Fully herbivorous food isnt my style but it can't hurt to try out," Gordon stated.

"How would you like it cooked?"

"Medium rare please. And I should definitely take a gander at that Clawstralian Meat Pie."

"Oh, are you omnivorous?" Iris asked. "I hope you enjoy that one, its exceptionally popular with Griffon, Diamond Dog, and the occasional dragon we get through here."

"I will certainly try my darling thank you. To end off my selection, I will try your award winning Wagyu Hay Burger."

"Did you want to order anything else?" Twilight giggled.

"Oh don't you worry about me Twilight, I can take a few extra hours to work out," Gordon replied humorously. "I think we are done here Miss Iris, thank you very much.

Iris gave a quick bow to the duo and took their menus, heading back into the kitchen to relay their orders to the cooks. The head chef Jack Pot was completely exhausted and tired of everyone in the kitchen constantly making mistakes. The stress of every continuing day was beginning to wear on him and his temper. He had just come back from a supply run to the local market and found the kitchen littered with filthy cook ware. The kitchen staff was cooking in piles of food, plates, pots and pans that were stacked up everywhere.

"Dirty plates everywhere! Come on you damn slackers, I'm working the hardest here," the buff unicorn snapped.

Jack Pot jeered at his staff as they hurried to clean up their work stations before doing their next orders. When Iris trotted in, the stallion's face lit up slightly and waited for her patiently to approach the line.

"We got two royal guests and a lot of food. Princess Twilight and that human chef from Earth want a good meal," Iris said confidently.

"I'll certainly do my best," Jack Pot sighed tiredly.

"Working at Burger Princess used to be a great experience, and now I am always battling with the management." Jack Pot said. "In many particular cases, Tulip can't keep her muzzle out of my kitchen and constantly hovers over everyone. It has turned into a runaway restaurant and I just have no control."

"Chef Jack for whatever reason does not like me," Tulip stated to her own interviewer. "He doesn't want me in the kitchen. And I notice that he tends to gossip and blame me for a lot that is going on. I would certainly say we have made some errors here...in staffing."

When the duo's meals were being cooked, Red Skillet hobbled out of the kitchen and sat down across from them.

"Chef Ramsay, I noticed that you ordered the Coypony Burger. That one may take a little longer," he warned the human.

"Don't you worry, just let me worry about that," Gordon replied.

"Why is that one gonna take longer?" Twilight asked curiously.

"Its a one pound burger your highness".

Twilight then looked down to the menu and scanned all of its other selections for a few minutes until her eyes came across something familiar at the bottom of one of the pages. A name that she had heard of from some of her friends.

"Executive Chef: Jack Pot?" Twilight asked in disbelief.

"Yes.

"Someone you know Twilight?" Gordon inquired.

"The...pony illusionist?" she asked carefully.

"No, not him." Red chuckled. "Just a humorous coincidence. He was the head pastry chef at the Cliff Hotel outside of Canterlot. I believe Miss Pinkie Pie trained him for a few months."

"And now he's the executive chef for a burger restaurant?"

"Is Hoofdini your desert chef or something?" Twilight asked with a bit of sass.

"No."

Twilight and Gordon looked at each other and got the instant urge to rub their faces in annoyance.

Back in the kitchen, Iris and Chef Jack Pot were overhearing their conversation.

"Jack, the princess was like Chef Jack Pot? Like the illusionist?" Iris laughed.

Jack Pot had a nice little belly laugh that made his day feel a bit better.

"Too bad that I can't really disappear from here," he snarked.

"When I came here, the food was amazing at first and Red and Tulip were great, but then, they wouldn't let me use any of my recipes, I had to do exactly what Red told me to do. Even if I knew it was wrong, I still had to send it out or...ya know. Crazy Clawsies screaming down my throat."

"Boy, I really am starting to rub off on you aren't I?" Gordon laughed. "From what your friends tell me, you get flustered, but this is the first time I've seen you start to get irritated."

Twilight smiled as she took a sip from her glass of water.

"Well, I'm your partner in this whole thing now Gordon, I suppose it kinda comes with the territory, she replied.

"You know what Twilight? You sort of remind me of my daughter," he stated.

"How so?"

"Extremely cheeky and brutal, but a great, kind person,"

"Aw thanks,"

Soon their orders were up as Iris brought the duo's meals quickly to their tables. What came out first was Twilight's unique burger and Gordon's odd pony rendition of an Earth favorite. Iris went away and came back with a hollow cone filled with what appeared to be fries.

"I got the Las Pegasus Burger for Her Highness and the Cowpony Burger for the Chef," Iris announced as cheerfully as she could muster.

Red Skillet left their table and went back into the kitchen to give them a bit of privacy while they ate their meal.

"So how is yours?" Twilight asked.

Gordon looked at the strange concoction as he grabbed a knife the restaurant had provided and sliced lengthwise down into the burger. When he lifted one half of the burger, he found that the patty was completely un cooked.

"Its fucking raw!" he swore. "Real meat or veggie patty, that should not be that pink in the middle like that. I mean come the fuck on!"

Trying to take a bite out of it to see if it tasted better than it looked, his taste buds were assaulted immediately with an overpowering sweet flavor followed by the overly chewy dough of the buns. Multiple things came falling out of the burger in a wet soppy mess.

"What a mess!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Whatever bread that is, its too sweet! Sweet and doughy. You want a nice tasty bun on a good burger, but nothing overwhelming. Just a nicely toasted brioche bun would do. Bland, tasteless, raw, no good flavor at all," Gordon said grimly. "That's nasty."

Iris saw his distaste for their food and quickly trotted over.

"How are you doing?" she asked with dread.

"That's rough," Gordon said as he pushed his plate towards her. "Doesn't anyone ever season anything in this place?"

"I know they throw a little bit of salt in there, but other than that, I don't think so Chef."

"They are obviously blind then, cause that is really ghastly."

Red Skillet watching the scene from afar did not like where this situation was going and went to confront Iris about it. The mare in question took his plate as she started heading back into the kitchen. Red Skillet headed her off in the hallway to try to get some answers.

"Stop, Stop, Stop, what is wrong with this one?" he demanded.

"No seasoning, he doesn't like it," she replied bluntly.

"What? That is one of the best burgers I've ever tasted in my life!"

"Well not to the chef I suppose," Iris said as she rolled her eyes.

Back in the dining room, Twilight started to get into her own meal to see how it fared. She was deeply disturbed by how Gordon's was poorly cooked and didn't have very high expectations for her own meal. Upon further examination, she had found that her burger was overflowing with too much avacado and pickles, creating a goopy mess.

"So what is the verdict my darling?" Gordon asked.

She grabbed her fork and knife and sliced into it like Gordon did. Just like before, she found that her own burger too was raw, but to an even worse extent this time around. The hay patty was as red as a strawberry and extremely slimy. The alicorn started feeling sick to her stomach. The smell of the undercooked patty was revolting as well, making her nose itch and her eyes water.

"Oh that is so gross," Twilight whined. "I don't feel too good--urp."

Twilight's stomach gurgled in a bad way as she started to hold her mouth closed. Gordon witnessed as the fur around her face started to turn green.

"You alright there my darling?" Gordon asked concerned.

"Yeah, I...think I just need to sit down, and not think about anything. Maybe I should take a bathroom break after this."

"We're in no rush, I don't want a princess fucking throwing up on me," Gordon giggled ironically.

Iris came back and retrieved their plates, seeing how unsatisfied they were with their meals. Red Skillet saw this as well and slammed his face on to the counter.

"I had no idea that my burgers were that badly cooked!" Red Skillet lamented. "It was just shocking!"

Heading into the kitchen, Iris left the plate on the line to show Jack Pot.

"Its entirely raw Jack Pot," Iris said cautiously. "The princess said she was starting to feel sick.

Jack Pot yanked the plate off of the counter forcefully and looked down at the burger. His face contorted to one of rage as he started going off on his kitchen staff.

"I was extremely embarrassed that one of our rulers had to taste such a horribly cooked burger. Especially since I was the one who sent it out. But this is NOT my fault. We are under so much pressure and stress from Red and Tulip and I just know that they are going to lay all of the blame on me," Jack Pot tried to explain. "Instead of looking at their own deficiencies!"

"Come on Jack! That was awful! Get your act together!" Red snapped.

"AND I'M ABOUT DONE WITH ALL OF THIS CHILDISH SHIT FROM YOU!" Jack roared as he threw six pots at the wall.

Jack started fuming as he walked out of the kitchen and into the back alley of the restaurant, completley ignoring the pleas and shouts from everyone else.

Next Time: Burger Princess Shack part 3

Author's Note

Sorry, this one took a while but I hope you all find it entertaining. As always, like and tell me what you think below and give me any creative tips on what you think I could do to improve each past and future chapter.

Cook on my foodies!

Burger Princess Shack part 3

The madness continues at Ponyville's own Burger Princess Shack. A once prestigious gourmet hay burger restaurant with Clawstralian routes and the regular patronage of Equestria's newest princess, now struggling to stay afloat. With the survival of the restaurant on the line, Princess Twilight Sparkle and Chef Gordon Ramsay pull out all the stops to keep it from going under. Unfortunately, the owners and the kitchen staff may not even believe it can be saved at all. Gordon hears rumors of a dysfunctional family unit running the Shack, to which he is determined to get to the bottom of.

Right when their food was taken back, Twilight heard a familiar whipping of air followed by a glittering pink flame that appeared right over her head. A letter rolled up and stamped with Princess Celestia's official emblem appeared into existence and landed in front of Twilight on the table.

"Wonder what she wants?" Gordon inquired curiously.

Wondering herself, Twilight opened the letter and read it thoroughly

My Dear Twilight,

Tread carefully with Gordon on this particular outing. I have received word from the Clawstralian Ambassador that someone in Skillet's family was involved in a hostile criminal coup that nearly destroyed our colony there. Food and bad service isnt the main issue in Equestria anymore. Be on your guard. Message me immediately if anything changes.

Love,
Celestia.

Sending the letter back to her study in the castle, Twilight turned her attention back to Gordon who was looking at her expectantly. Not in a rude way like forcefully making a demand, but in a genuinely calm, but curious fashion which the alicorn was somewhat surprised to see coming from the aggressive human.

"So what's up?" Gordon asked.

"I think we may need to investigate a little more seriously here, because things have gotten a little complicated," Twilight replied.

Twilight explained the full extent of the situation to Gordon who listened intently to everything his equine companion said. At the end of it all, he laid his head on his fist in thought, trying to come up with a reasonable plan for their next step.

"Send a message back to the Princess. Tell her to do some more digging on her end. I'm no policeman. I don't interrogate people about crimes on a daily basis. I'm just a chef that's good at figuring people out. However, I do know that we dont have enough information to go on to make any accusations of that magnitude. Let's keep going and do some snooping around their office when we have the time. With your authorization of course. You're their princess."

"I suppose that's fair." Twilight replied understandingly. "I'll send a message to Princess Luna, see if she can't probe Skillet's family for information from the dream realm."

"Not sure if Skillet would be stupid enough to keep around any physical evidence in his office that might point to criminal activity in his family, but its certainly worth a shot. Perhaps you can try getting into contact with this Clawstralian Ambassador yourself? See if he can tell you anything extra?"

"Actually, that's not a bad idea. I'll ask the Princess for his address."

Gordon paused for a moment in thought but then turned back to Twilight.

"Please be a little more ready this time when some nut fuck tries to tear us to shreds," Gordon urged with humor. "You're the one with the magic darling."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind sweetie," Twilight snapped back as she playfully stuck out her tongue.

After finding out another dish had been sent back to the kitchen, Red Skillet, ended up getting into a heated argument with the executive chef Jack Pot. The chef in question, wanted nothing more than to disappear from Ponyville and never see Burger Princess Shack again. Cursing out Red, Jack Pot abruptly stormed out the back door and into the back alley behind the restaurant to try to get a grip on himself and his sanity. He was alone out in the alley, save for a long row of dented and dull silver trash cans that lined the back wall. A single rat skittered by, only paying attention to the smell of its next meal and not the pony stamping his hooves on the ground. Thankfully, nopony was around to hear the flustered chef lose his temper right there.

"I will admit, I left out of anger and frustration," Jack Pot tells his human interviewer. "When I came on to Burger Princess shack, I made a deal with my staff that I would stay. I will really try my best to keep my word. Even though it might be difficult to do so."

A few minutes was all Jack Pot needed to cool down before he decided that he could go back inside and get back to work on the double. His staff was a little on edge from his presence but after a calm discussion and a quick meeting, he assured them that he was thinking clearly. He carried on with Gordon Ramsay's order, hoping that something else on the restaurant's menu would be to the human's liking.

It took longer than they thought, but they finally managed to finish Gordon's hay burger. They quickly brought it out to him for the human to hopefully enjoy. Iris was the one once again to deliver the concoction to the table.

"Finally jeez. I was starting to worry about what was going on back there," Twilight stated sternly. "That took what? an hour to get done?"

"I can guess a few things, but I'd rather see how this burger compares to the ones we had before," Gordon replied.

The first thing Gordon and Twilight noticed about their "award-winning" hay burger was the patty's immense size. Gordon for the life of him could not figure out how he was going to pick it up, let alone eat it. He tried his best to pick it up, but started laughing when he couldnt find a good place to bite down. As he kept turning the burger around to get a better starting point, he laughed even harder when he couldnt find a small enough bite to fit into his mouth.

"Come on! Seriously?" Twilight asked herself in disbelief. "Even I would have a hard time biting into THAT!"

"Usually burgers like this are sold at specialty restaurants that are known for these types of stunts. This is Kitchen Nightmares, not Man vs Food!" Gordon laughed ironically.

Gordon tried a different strategy as he grabbed a fork and knife and started cutting the burger in half.

"Forty bits for a hayburger," Twilight winced. "You should at the very least expect a decent bun. Who is going to pay for these anyway?"

"I believe Luna said she was going to pay for all our expenses in Equestria. She seemed awfully happy to do it too," Gordon shrugged.

Gordon opened up the burger to show the innards of it to the camera for the people back on Earth. Cutting a small piece of the patty with his knife, he took a small nibble and did not like what he tasted. He gave a piece of the burger to Twilight to let her taste it as well.

"Its just so bland! Greasy, and its overcooked 50 degrees more than it should have been," Twilight whined. "The texture of the hay is wrong too. I've gotten their burgers down to a science."

When Gordon put his utensils down, Iris walked over tiredly and took their plates for them.

"That is just dreadful." Gordon stated.

"What happened here?" Twilight asked no one in particular. "This isnt the Burger Princess Shack I know!"

"Very sorry about that," Iris apologized.

"Not your fault," Gordon replied to the waitress.

As Iris went back into the kitchen to throw the food away, Red Skillet just stood there by the bar with a stunned look on his face.

"I was shocked, embarrassed and quite hurt," Red said. "No point in crying though, I have the highest of hopes that he will love my Clawstralian Meat Pie. It is probably one of the most different things here. Meat Pies are a staple in Clawstralia which is filled with Griffons, Wyverns, and Opal Dogs. All omnivorous like the chef. The Opal Dogs are an off shoot of the Diamond Dogs here in Equestria but they are much more friendly to the colonists there than the Diamond Dogs are here. I am certain this time that he will love it!"

"One Meat Pie up!" Jack Pot called from the kitchen as he placed the dish on the serving line and tapped a bell with his hoof.

"Chef Ramsay's food! Good!" Red Skillet exclaimed.

"Don't hold your breath Skillet. He aint gonna like it." Jack Pot jeered at the older pony.

Red only glared angrily at the head chef who laughed back at him at his expense and went back to his work.

Iris brought Gordon's next meal out and sat the plate down on the table.

"Here you go chef, our Clawstralian Meat Pie. I hope this is more to your liking"

Twilight looked at the dish with the same apprehensive look that Gordon was giving it. It was a rather small little pastry, barely the size of what classified in Ponyville as a pie. Twilight had a bad feeling that even Pinkie herself was going to sense such a minuscule serving.

On the other side of town, Pinkie started to randomly growl at everything and nothing behind the counter at the bakery.

"Somepony is giving Gordy a bad pie!" she shrieked to the confusion of her customers.

The pie itself if Gordon could call it that was more lightly colored than it should have been for something that was supposed to be cooked all the way. It was sprinkled with small flakes of parsley which did nothing to add to Gordon's confidence.

"I'm not much of a meat eater, but I hope you like it?" Twilight offered.

"Well, let's see. Time for a trip Down Under," Gordon said sarcastically.

He cut into the pie which fell apart almost instantly. It was filled with ground beef, carrots, and pathetic little pieces of wilted spinach. The consistency of the filling was rather gross and he didnt want to taste it. Reluctantly, he scooped up a small bit with his fork and ate it. Salty, slimy, and under cooked textures and flavors assaulted his senses.

"Another disgusting mess," Gordon groaned as he wiped his mouth clean with his cloth napkin. "This dinky little pie here can fuck off back to whatever country it came from. Got a raw, doughy pastry on top and a soggy gooey thing on the bottom."

"I'll take your word for it, since again, I don't really eat meat," Twilight replied sheepishly.

"I'll make you an omnivore yet Miss Sparkle," Gordon said mischievously. "I know the head chef at the hotel you stayed at back in Vegas. You tried to eat the lasagna didnt you?"

"How did you--you know what? Nevermind. Yes, I did and it was definitely a...new experience for me. I just figured that if I'm going to be living in a world of omnivores every so often, I need to rediscover my ancient omnivorous routes."

Gordon laughed when Twilight tried to obscure her voice with a napkin while saying all of this.

"Maybe I'll invite you to a Barbecue joint next time we head back to Earth,"Gordon chuckled.

"Without puking my guts out? That's gonna be hard Scottish boy," the alicorn teased back.

"For now, better me than you," Gordon laughed.

Red Skillet and his wife Tulip were not happy at the fact that Gordon and Twilight have hated everything they have been served thus far.

"I believe Jack Pot is not good enough to handle our menu. He's not a head chef as he claims to be. He's a pastry chef unworthy of our restaurant."

Gordon called Red and Tulip out to have a word with him so he could get started on the next step of his process. Twilight stood right beside him the whole time, continuing to make mental notes just as she has been on the last two nightmares.

"Wow, that was quite the eye opener, I have to say," Gordon stated grimly. "Let's meet the team then shall we?"

Red called Chef Jack Pot and the rest of his staff out of the kitchen where they each got a turn shaking hooves with Gordon until he got to the head chef himself. Red Skillet and his wife Tulip sat down behind the bar counter, each drinking a cup of coffee to wake their senses. Jack Pot's white uniform was grimy and dirty, presumably from years of use. Twilight noticed that most of the kitchen staff seemed to be dressed rather poorly, mostly with old and tattered uniforms that should have been thrown out months ago. Jack Pot extended his hoof and shook Gordon's hand vigorously. Then they all took turns greeting Twilight until they went down to business.

"Pleasure to meet you . I'm Jack Pot."

"Like the Las Pegasus magician?" Twilight asked dryly.

"No relation, Your Highness."

"Well, you certainly didn't work any magic today, I'll give you that." Twilight snapped.

Gordon almost laughed at how much Twilight was starting to sound like himself.

To lighten the mood, Jack Pot introduced his sous chef Bell Pepper. A diminutive green colored earth pony with a dirty grey mane who looked like he was screaming for help behind a fake smile.

"Let's get down to brass tacks here Jack, as they say it in America. All our food was fucking grotesque." Gordon said bluntly. "Everything Twilight and I have tasted here has been nasty, awful, and disgustingly bland. Do you cook any of that?"

"I partially help cook everything, yes chef," Jack Pot said as the blood drained from his face.

"And you can't work your magic on a burger? Seriously?"

"A burger that I used to love coming here to eat!" Twilight exclaimed. "When I first became Princess of Ponyville, I was so busy didn't have much time to cook food for myself, so I came here. I instantly fell in love with your hay burgers. Maybe a little too much of a love for them, but still. They provided me with a bit of an escape from the daily grind of my duties. What happened here?"

"And that is one of the core issues I am trying to work out here," Gordon added. "You are PAID, as an executive chef. Wow!"

Jack Pot just smiled tiredly back at the human, who was not amused in the slightest with his attitude.

"What's funny now? Is this a massage for your over inflated ego or something?"

When Tulip smiled victoriously at how Jack Pot was being unloaded on, a glare from Twilight sent her back into a more appropriate demeanor.

"No chef, this has just become too much for me working here. I follow the recipes as I am told by these brick headed owners and if I try to change the recipes I am tossed out of here!" Jack Pot complained.

"What?"

"Not quite true chef." Red Skillet replied.

"Not true? REALLY? You've been freaking drinking again."

"Drinking again?" Twilight wondered aloud.

"My husband does go behind the counter on OCCASION, and fixes himself a small drink. But he's not an alcoholic like the chef here is implying." Tulip insisted.

"I cant seem to get the truth out of anybody here!" Jack Pot exclaimed.

"Explain all this to me Tulip," Twilight asked. "What happened here?"

"Jack Pot has a lot of control in the kitchen--" she started.

"That is a lie your majesty," the chef butted in.

"What about the mushrooms when you changed the whole recipe around and you added wine?"

Jack Pot seemed to be getting more angry just standing within a few feet of the mare.

"You told me you wanted just salt on the mushrooms knowing that particular species of mushroom needs stronger ingredients to get rid of the pungent taste! Let's tell the truth!"

"I will ask again, did you add wine to the mushrooms?!"

"That is how you make sauteed mushrooms!" Jack Pot jabbed back. "So you can shut the hell up, I did add some hay wine to the mushrooms!"

"Are they getting into an argument about mushrooms?" Twilight asked her human friend in disbelief.

"People argue over fucking more stupid things than that in my line of work." Gordon replied.

"You didn't tell anyone that you added hay wine to the mushrooms!"

"Honey, you are missing the point! You are focusing on a bloody bucking mushroom!" Red Skillet added.

"Mushrooms are important to me, I'm from Poneland."

"I think the crux of the problem is instead of downing coffee, you should be downing some sedatives darlin," Jack Pot spat angrily at the mare.

Twilight gave Gordon a dumbfounded look as they continued to watch the chef and Tulip constantly snap at each other with passive aggressiveness.

"Jack Pot, I just want the truth from you, is that so much to ask?" Tulip inquired.

"That's what I have been telling you! EVERY DAY! You just dont want to listen to the truth from me. Here's the truth right now, I'd rather work as a royal guard on the Arctic border of the Unknown Lands than be here with you running this restaurant."

The duo could tell that there were some very deep seated issues between Jack Pot and the owners of the restaurant. Twilight herself was about to step in to defuse the situation if it got any worse.

"Tulip, let's get to where things really are here. The Princess here needs to know. You treat us all like stupid children! The way you manipulate everyone with that sad sorry sob attitude of yours. How we have to get groceries for this stupid restaurant of yours. Where's my money for the groceries? The money you owe ME! I haven't been paid in over a month!"

With that last statement, Jack Pot stomped the ground so hard that some of the bottles behind the counter at the bar were knocked down and hit the floor with a shatter.

"Now first of all," Tulip started. "My son Ayers was wired the money--"

"I'd say he was a bit more than wired, I'll tell you that much. I come in here, I work, I open the place, I work my flank off, and I dont get paid. Where are my bucking bits?"

Tulip giving the Chef a death glare, stormed off somewhere into a back room while the others continued their serious discussion.

"Why isn't he getting paid? I don't exactly condone long time unpaid manual labor. Mostly because its a tiny little outlawed thing we civilized ponies have called slavery in most places!" Twilight exclaimed angrily.

"Chef Jack Pot has been working in the spirit of eventually getting his next payment of bits."

"In the spirit of eventually getting paid? Do you have any idea how fucking horrible that sounds?" Gordon asked. "This whole thing is insane!"

"Where did Tulip go off to?" Twilight asks in a tired tone all of a sudden.

"Probably to go get me a payment that isnt there." Jack Pot shrugged.

Red Skillet had to go into the back room where his wife was hiding to get her to calm down before she was able to come back outside.

"I feel like we are just stuck in the looping land of upside down. So much bull shit is being thrown around from all sides that I can hardly think!" Gordon screamed. "Your chef is telling me that not only is he forced to follow your crummy recipes, he isnt paid for jack shit in this place!"

Twilight was getting very tired of the constant back and forth yelling between everyone and had already concocted a simple solution to their current problems.

"Instead of continuing to scream at each other, why don't we see if Chef Jack Pot can make something delicious independently from the recipes of the restaurant?" Twilight suggested to Gordon.

"A sound idea my darling. Uhhhh, you wouldn't happen to have some spare pocket change on you would ya?"

Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes as she pulled a sack of bits with her from her side satchel that Rarity had lent to her. She grasped Jack Pot's hoof with her magic and plopped the sack into his outstretched hoof.

"Go out there, get some hay pate, and cook us some hay burgers! And make them good like the way I used to love them!" Twilight snapped.

When Jack Pot sat there stunned, looking between her and the sack of bits in his hoof for a solid minute, Twilight zapped Jack Pot and his sous chef on the flanks, which scared them out the doors of the restaurant and on to their assignment. Twilight sped over to the doors and screamed at the two in a goofy rage.

"AND DONT COME BACK UNTIL I GET MY BURGERS!"

The alicorn walked back to Gordon with a much calmer disposition. Unfortunately for her, the human couldnt stop staring at her like she had grown another pair of legs on her forehead. Twilight laughed nervously at the human, realizing the way she was acting.

"What the hell was that? Since when did you scream obsessively like me over fucking burgers?"

"Princess Celestia and I have some slight obsessions over specific food items. Mine just happens to be hay burgers."

"More than a slight obsession there darling."

Afterwards, they silently left the restaurant together to go to their next objective on their third Kitchen Nightmare in Equestria.

"Tulip and Chef Jack Pot do not treat each other very nicely. Jack Pot is a very opinionated pony with a bit of a temper and that's something that my wife just hasnt been able to handle very well." Red Skillet explained nervously.

When Twilight and Gordon left the building, Red Skillet and Tulip started shouting at each other, unaware that the cameras set up in their restaurant were still recording everything going on. Some of Gordon's production team had left behind small microphones hidden all over the building as well to get the clearest quality audio for the show.

"What in Tartarus was that all about huh? I try my best to work everyday as hard as I can and this is what I get for it?!" Tulip violently snapped at Red. "You just sat there like a bucking deer while that Chef of yours attacked me! You didn't even have the balls to stand up for your wife!"

Tulip then started stomping off as Red Skillet vainly tried calling after her.

"I am doing my best to stand up for you, but its a little hard when everyone is screaming at each other!"

After leaving the restaurant, the duo decided their next course of action would be to find the location of Ayers Gold. The son of Red Skillet and Tulip. Twilight led Gordon to Ponyville Town Hall in the center of the city where business was starting to pick up.

It was around noon time and Ponyville Square was bustling. The Farmer's Market and Traveling Vendor Fair was in town again, drawing in ponies from neighboring villages to buy their wares. Gordon's presence in Ponyville was still something of an oddity, but thankfully most of the locals were used to the human at this point. Town Hall was brimming with activity from out of town politicians paying a visit. Twilight knew she would have to stay out of their sight as much as she could. Being the newest princess, the alicorn figured many politicians would consider her ripe for influencing. It was an unfortunate drawback to having both a horn and a pair of wings on her back.

Ducking into the building, Gordon helped Twilight sneak around towards the Citizen's Registry Office where every pony's general and personal information is stored. The human declined rather vehemently when she tried to get him into a skin tight black suit. Most of the ponies working there were too busy with mounds of paperwork to notice them, some being at least ten feet high. The occasional tourist from Manehatten would almost detect their presence, but Twilight found plenty of obstructions in the form of trash cans and cardboard boxes.

Mayor Mare was at the far end of the building where she was busy dealing with town council ponies from Las Pegasus and Dodge City. Gordon was afraid at first that he might be getting an earful from the overzealous white maned mare, but thankfully seemed to be thoroughly occupied.

They went down the left hallway of the building and stopped at the first door on their right. The way to the registry office was blocked by a rather thick wooden door reinforced with a number of metal plates, latches, and locks.

"What the hell?" Gordon asked quietly. "You said that this was a public access building, why are there so many of these fucking huge doors in here?"

"My fault really." Twilight admitted. "Villains as of late have been taking ponies' personal information a little too easily. One of my first mandates as princess was to install security for record places like this."

"Massive wooden doors are part of that?" Gordon asked further.

"Clawstralian Buloke wood doors. One of the strongest woods here on Equis. And one of Clawstralia's biggest imports here in Equestria. Even Applejack would hurt herself trying to break this wood. The locks are crafted with titanium which we've only recently discovered in Equestria. So the locks cant just be broken easily."

Twilight knocked a couple of times on the massive security door, hoping that any pony on the other side would hear her.

"Who is it?" a female voice inside called out.

"This is Twilight Sparkle! I would like to find some pony's personal information." Twilight called back through the door.

There was a pause before she could hear a mocking laughter which sounded patronizing.

"Oh sure, and I'm Princess Cadance," the mare inside said sarcastically. "Go away before I call the guards, I'm busy!"

Twilight tried to convince the mare, but she wasnt having any of it. After a few minutes of shouting, Twilight gave up and slumped against the wall.

"Ugh, I know I'm strong enough to break this door down with a spell, but I'd risk destroying the whole building if I tried," Twilight groaned. "And only the Mayor has access to the keys around here. She's a little preoccupied right now and I don't think you want to deal with her frisky attitude towards you right now."

"How are we gonna find Ayers house?" Gordon asked seriously.

As if their prayers had been answered, Pinkie Pie came down the hallway and noticed the duo instantly. With a big stretchy smile, she dashed over to the duo to say hi.

"Hey there silly willys! What brings you two here?" she asked cheerfully.

"Oh hi Pinkie," Twilight groaned. "We're just trying to find somepony so Gordon can get some information for his show, but we cant get into the records office here. What are you doing here?"

"I come in here every Tuesday to send letters to friends in Vanhoover. I can help though! I know where everyone lives in Ponyville! Who are you looking for?"

"Man by the name of Ayers Gold. Strange name but all the names here in Equestria are strange for me." Gordon stated.

"Ayers, Ayers, oh yeah!" Pinkie cried. "They live in the new Sunset Apple Apartment Complex on Cherry Top Road. I can take you there!"

Gordon and Twilight couldn't process properly what was happening as they felt themselves being grabbed by Pinkie with each hoof and then dashing out of the building at light speed.

"YOINK!"

In an instant, the duo found themselves across town with no reasonable explanation as to how they got there. They were standing on the street in front of a line of apartment complexes fenced off by a low gate that divided the property from the side walk. Pinkie then pulled out a fruit basket from her mane and handed it off to Gordon who took it while still desperately trying to process what he had just gone through.

"Here's a hello gift from me to them. Sorry Twilight, I can't stay. Gotta get back to my shift at the bakery! BYEEEEE!" Pinkie shrieked as she dashed off somewhere.

Silence greeted the duo, allowing them and their brains to come back to reality for a moment before Pinkie dashed back into their faces.

"Oh, and by the way, their apartment is 5A. Bye again!"

Pinkie dashed away again, leaving the duo alone in front of the main gate.

"That was something." Gordon stated.

"I'm almost unfazed by anything she does at this point. Just almost though," Twilight replied.

Looking around the building, they soon find Ayers apartment and knocked on the door to announce themselves. A few minutes passed until they were greeted by a tiny little orange pegasus mare who seemed to be glad to see them. With Twilight there, she couldnt stop apologizing for the state of their apartment which was filled with all manner of unorganized furniture and objects. After hearing about the ruckus at Burger Princess Shack, the mare, aptly named Clementine had a feeling that they would be visiting very soon. Ayers himself came out of one of the rooms and greeted Twilight and Gordon with a great deal of respect. He was a dark yellow unicorn with a shaved head, a blonde tail, and tired green eyes poking out from behind a pair of narrow glasses.

"A pleasure to meet the two of you," Ayers greeted tiredly. "The Princess and Equestria's first human celebrity."

"We are just here as guests, trying to solve a problem." Twilight replied. "A problem that has spread all over Equestria to other businesses, but for now we'll just focus on your business."

"How long have you lived here in Ponyville?" Gordon inquired.

"A bit over a year now. We lived in Las Pegasus for a few years before moving here. Heard this town was growing, especially with the newest princess. So we figured moving to Ponyville would give us some new opportunities. New though, obviously meant bad for us in the end."

"Is Clementine your marefriend?" Twilight asked.

"Yes I am, and happily," the orange pegasus said nuzzling Ayers. "I mostly work the restaurant at night when "you know who" isnt there."

"Sit down, let's talk about that."

"There was a nasty fall out between Clementine and my family." Ayers explained to his interviewer. "They dont respect her or treat her very well and I have no idea why."

Twilight sat down in a loveseat next Gordon while Ayers and Clementine sat down together on their sofa. Clementine held Ayers tightly as they recounted their experiences thus far with the restaurant.

"So how did this whole thing start?" Twilight asked.

"Take us back to the beginning. When you invested in the restaurant. Unknown to you." Gordon continued.

Clementine laughed ironically and switched to a tired angry face.

"At least somepony in this town is getting that right," she said.

"I'm assuming you didnt take that very well," Twilight asked.

"Yes your highness, I will admit I got pretty angry when that happened." Ayers replied. "It was in a trust account, that my father had access too. In all his wisdom and idiocy, he finds ways to manipulate things to his own benefit. He said, "Why dont we try to open up a restaurant in Ponyville? I said, all we know about cooking was a little carrot dog cart back in Clawstralia filled with carrot dogs that were premade and delivered to us. So let's not do that."

"They knew absolutely nothing about how to run a restaurant, and yet they did it anyway." Clementine added.

"I'm afraid to even ask, but how much did he take out of your account?" Twilight asked nervously.

"250,000 opals. Each of which are worth 100 bits here in Equestria." Ayers growled.

The room went completely silent as Gordon and Twilight looked at each other, quickly doing the math as to the exact amount of the money he inherited.

"Your father stole the equivalent of 25 million bits from you?" Twilight asked taken aback. "If each of you were supposed to get 500,000 opals, that means all together, you were inheriting 100 million bits in opals!"

"And he took half of your share away? That's ridiculous! It's your money!" Gordon exclaimed.

The lavender alicorn immediately knew something was up. No family of food vendors or cooks just so happened to be carrying a 100 million bits around with them. Not unless they had some deep connections. She needed to delve deeper to investigate if Ayers family was involved in any criminal activity and who among them was involved in the coup in Clawstralia years ago.

"He is so thick that he didnt get that I would obviously hate it. When I asked him why he did that, he said that he thought that I would love the idea," Ayers explained.

"What was your grandfather's job over there Ayers?" Twilight asked apprehensively. "What was his occupation?

"Honestly, I'm not even certain. Dad said once that he worked with him as partners in a major cargo distribution line but he never elaborated on that. I often suspected he was involved in the government there though. I often heard him arguing with someone from the Governor's office but he kept all his doors locked."

Twilight had a thought starting to grow in the back of her mind as she put her hoof up to her chin but dismissed the thought for now until she had concrete information.

"In light of that, how is your relationship with your parents now?" Twilight inquired.

Ayers took off his glasses and put them on the coffee table as he slumped down.

"Not good, your highness. We haven't made any decisions together since before we moved to Equestria. He still treats me like a foal and it got worse when he just so happened to hire a couple of good chefs that got him some local fame for awhile."

"They were so mean spirited about it when they rubbed it in his face," Clementine continued. "Then when things started going downhill there, he keeps trying to come over here and steal more of my Ayers' money!"

Twilight smiled at the fact that at the very least it seemed like Ayers had a loyal marefriend to support him in all of this.

"He started changing the menus too often without telling anyone, which was only one of the many problems." Ayers stated. "Over 40 different menu changes, all of them exceedingly different which confused every single customer that came into the restaurant. On top of all that, I can't get on to the books, I'm not on any of the records of the restaurant, I've asked him numerous times."

Ayers got up, went over to a dresser and pulled out a small piece of paper which he presented to Gordon and Twilight. The duo could tell that he was on the verge of tears as he gave them the paper.

"This is the only proof I have that I'm involved with the restaurant at all. It doesnt mean anything! I dont even get any benefits from it!"

Twilight examined the document closely. It seemed to be a certificate of ownership at first glance, but there were many legal things wrong with it. It had not been notarized, the emblems of authentication were missing, and the stamp of approval from the mayor's office was faked.

"That is nothing!" he yelled with pure despair and sadness in his voice. "That's just a piece of toilet paper!"

To punctuate his point, Ayers yanked the "certificate" out of Twilight's magical grasp and ripped it into shreds.

"I thought that it was going to be bad, but I didnt think it was going to get this bad." Gordon said.

"I just...I don't trust my father anymore. Its taken me a while to come to grips with that." Ayers said with his voice breaking.

He tried to continue talking but he just sat there staring into his hooves like he had blood on them. It was sad to see anypony like this and Twilight couldnt help but feel angry for Ayers sake.

"Its just hard to see this happen. See the love of my life get beaten down so much that the fight isnt there anymore." Clementine cried.

She went up to Ayers and hugged him tightly, trying her best to cheer him up.

"I think we now have a good amount of insight as to what is going on here." Twilight stated. "Gordon, may I speak to you outside for a moment?"

Gordon raised an eyebrow at her, but complied when she gave him an urging gesture outside. They quickly excused themselves and went right outside their apartment to talk.

"Something the matter Twilight?" Gordon asked curiously.

"Nobody just owns a billion bits of opals in their possession. Its obvious that Red Skillet wasnt telling us something about his father." Twilight replied.

"Yeah, I caught that as well. Perhaps we can do some digging around his personal affects when we head back to the restaurant. I've dealt with a few dangerous things like this before, so let's just tread carefully alright? I'd prefer to get the whole story before we go in guns a blazing."

"Agreed."

Going back inside, they told them to run the restaurant normally for their dinner service and pretend that they arent there. Twilight decided to head over to Sweet Apple Acres to invite Applejack to the dinner service while Gordon would watch over how the staff worked all together. Meanwhile though, Gordon walked back to Burger Princess to see how Chef Jack Pot's burger fared against the sub par burgers that came from Red Skillet's new recipes.

Jack Pot and his team ordered some of the most high quality ingredients that they could find and dashed around the kitchen for an hour, preparing the best hay burger that they ever could make. For the first time in a few years, Chef Jack Pot was finally using his own recipe that he was proud of.

"This time, I am mixing and seasoning the burger our way. Food is a very important factor in my life. Its my passion. I thank Lady Pinkie Pie for showing it to me." Jack Pot stated confidently. "When I make this burger, I want it to be a great hayburger and it will be our creation. Not whatever witch craft Red and Tulip mix up in here."

Jack Pot's blood started to boil as Red came hobbling into the kitchen and pulling out two of his patties, seasoning it with random spices from around the kitchen without any rhyme or reason. He grilled them alone in the corner while all the kitchen staff were slaving away on Gordon's hayburger.

"I actually have a brain stem hidden under this thick skull here," Jack Pot scoffed. "I'm smart enough to listen to Gordon when he tells me that he wants a hayburger that's fresh and juicy. The last thing he and the princess wants is a damn frozen patty with out of date spices!"

His sous chefs finally finished the burger as they carefully assembled it all together, being careful as to watch the placement of each component. They scrambled to get ready and place the burger on a plate with a piece of honeydew when Gordon entered back into the restaurant. Red Skillet plopped his cheeseburgers onto a plate and rushed out to meet Gordon and Twilight first as he placed them down on a table that Tulip was sitting at. Jack Pot and the rest of his staff followed behind with their perfected burger as their faces flushed at what Red Skillet was pulling.

"Hello again, I'm here for lunch" Gordon greeted.

Twilight's stomach growled loudly as she gained a crazy look in her eye after smelling the hayburgers that they were making.

"I just made two burger patties for you chef and for her majesty." Red said. "My own ingredients."

"Your own ingredients?"

Gordon could tell what kind of harebrained stunt that Red was pulling on his kitchen staff but he decided to humor him anyway and see what the middle aged pony had up his sleeve. He didnt have much faith as all it was was a tiny patty covered in cheese sitting in a puddle of grease on the plate it was served on.

"Would you like to try it?" Red asked. "People have called me a hay patty sculptor or a burger artist. A lot of different celebrities like yourself have tasted my different patties and said that they were fantastic. I hope you are the same."

"A lot of bold claims after another. Let's just take a look shall we?" Gordon replied annoyed.

Gordon sat down with Red and Tulip as he grabbed a fork and knife and began sawing off small pieces of their burger. He tried asking what ingredients they put into the burger, but they refused to answer him.

"Just fucking tell me what is in the burger. Is that so hard?"

"Its our Wag-ewe hayburger mix but with my own blend of spices. I left it bare cause normally I personally dont like a bun."

"Well it was supposed to be for me wasnt it? Why place your own preferences on the burger?" Gordon inquired.

Red didnt answer the question as he sat down at Gordon's table and moved around uncomfortably.

"The last thing Red Skillet could ever be is a patty expert." Jack Pot shouted. "He doesnt know a thing about hayburgers. Without me, he would have been in the outhouse a long time ago. All he knows how to do is sit in his office like a fat tub of lard and change menus five times a week. That's what he does!"

Gordon kept a neutral face as he chewed each piece of the burger while Red and Tulip looked at him expectantly. Twilight picked up her own patty with her magic and slipped the entire thing into her mouth with one bite. She chewed down on the burger, confused by the tastes that were dancing on her taste buds.

"You made this?" Gordon asked seriously.

"Its amazing isnt it?" Tulip asked with a bit smile.

"Not really," Twilight replied. "It tastes like a piece of rubber."

Gordon laughed and pushed the plate with his unfinished burger over to them.

"I have to agree with my friend here. That is hideous." he snapped. "At least its seasoned! This burger that Jack Pot is treating like a newborn baby over here is the one that I'm dying for."

Jack Pot gained a triumphant face as he watched his employers squirm in their seats, relishing every moment of their despair.

Jack Pot and his team carefully walked over and placed the plate on the table in front of Gordon. The human chef was already liking what he was seeing. The burger that he made resembled one of his own back on Earth. Perfect ratio of toppings, veggies, and patty thickness, a nicely colored bun, a drizzle of dipping sauce that encircled the burger like a halo. It was all held together by a specialty red colored toothpick that stuck out the top. Gordon appreciated the addition of a nice slice of honeydew melon on the side to cleanse his palate. Twilight was desperately trying her best to contain her obsessive attitude towards hay burgers. Though she knew she couldnt hold back her desires for long.

"The presentation is great! I always urge any of my students that food is also a visual art as well as entertainment for your mouth. A perfect blend of unique colors, scents, smells, and tastes, which you seem to have accomplished here!" Gordon congratulated.

"Thank you chef," Jack Pot replied as he calmly took in the praise.

"Explain your recipe, please."

"We used a smoked Gouda with a sun dried tomato, an arugula spring mix, a garlic mustard aioli and a jumbo pickle made in house."

"I'll tell you, what I ate a few hours ago, this looks night and day."

"As long as that cheese isnt too gooey, I'll be fine with it," Twilight said laughed nervously.

"Oh yeah, I heard about your fear of cheese." Gordon giggled at the alicorn.

"Ah, Ah! distaste for gooey cheeses," she corrected. "I had a bad experience with an enchanted quesadilla. I still have the nightmares..."

"I gotta hear THAT story at one point."

Gordon cut the burger perfectly in half, first taking out the long toothpick which he deposited on to the table. Opening it up, he liked all of the fully cooked colors that he was seeing. Giving a quick whiff, he had a surprised look on his face.

"You try not to use meat a lot, I get that all part of the culture. But that smells wonderful! Its like a meat burger I would get back home! Let's see if it tastes as good as it smells."

Gordon picked up one of the halves and bit down into it, chewing slowly as to savor and detect every flavor placed into his food.

"That is bloody delicious!" Gordon exclaimed. "Temperature is perfect, and the roll has a really nice crispy toast to it. One of the keys to a good burger is a nicely toasted bun that holds everything together. It locks in all that moisture and juiciness from the patty."

Gordon noticed Tulip and Red's sour and jealous looks as they watched what was happening.

"Perhaps you would like to have a taste?" Gordon offered as he handed the other half of the burger to Tulip.

"I'd love to," Tulip replied with a vague hint of spite.

Tulip grabbed a clean fork and knife and gingerly cut off a piece of the burger. Placing it into her mouth and chewing, Gordon and Jack Pot held in a laugh when she forcefully made herself cough uncomfortably.

"What is that strong taste that I'm tasting?" Tulip asked snootily.

"Gouda cheese I believe he said?" Gordon repeated. "And its smoked."

"Yes chef," Jack Pot replied.

"Does that go through the patty? I taste something stronger in there like a dry aged spice or a different kind of hay. I do like my patties to have a little bit of redness, I am a medium rare mare."

"The problem is that burger isnt medium rare as it should be," Red added.

"It may be medium, but I'll tell you one thing, Its bloody damn juicy." Gordon bluntly replied. "That is delicious. I give that burger nine out of ten. Why don't you give it a bite Twilight?"

Twilight couldnt contain her temptation any longer and slammed her face down on Gordon's half of the burger, nearly breaking the table with her face. She ravenously devoured the half of the burger within seconds, not caring about Gordon who had just taken a bite from it. She made content moans of delight while she quickly chewed down and slowly swallowed, savoring every last taste.

"Fuck girl, calm down" Gordon cackled. "Its like you're a wolf disguised as a horse. I can tell you like this burger too at least."

"Yes mommy!" Twilight deliriously replied with ecstasy.

Jack Pot was hardly able to contain his joy at the praise from Equestria's newest celebrity chef and their newest princess. He had one of his sous chefs bring out the recipe and present it to Gordon who was thoroughly impressed with the composition.

"The Redeemer Burger. I love the name. You have certainly redeemed yourself here in my eyes. So why aren't you serving burgers like that anymore Red?"

"I thought that my aunt's Wag-ewe mix was better." Red insisted.

"You have your priorities wrong here. Just because it has a lavish name like that, doesn't instantly mean its gonna make everything taste better. I've seen people botch recipes with the most expensive ingredients imaginable. It really does depend on how you use them. Its clear here that this particular mix wasnt used, nor even made the right way."

Twilight saw the opportunity to turn her attention to Jack Pot and start wailing on him.

"If you know that what you make is really good, and other people have told you that its good, why are you serving these patties?" Twilight asked honestly.

"Unfortunately my lady, they are the owners and they are the ones that always dictate whatever I make in the kitchen. If I try to suggest or even change anything or make any new recipes of my own, I get persecuted for it. Then I get threatened with a deduction on my pay."

"HE WANTS TO BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING!" Tulip exclaimed. "I'm not that powerful here
Your Majesty. I'm an old mare, I cant control what he does or says. How am I that powerful? Do you see a chef hat on me? Do you see me swirling the pans or making the patties or chopping the mushrooms or putting the salt on?"

Jack Pot could only smile and shake his head in disappointment as the mare continued to rant and rave excuses to the human Chef.

"What really frustrates me is we get served that mediocre crap and yet YOUR burger is seasoned beautifully. It has a nice cheese with a nice smokiness to it. Its absolutely delicious!" Gordon continued.

Tulip had enough of Jack Pot and his success with their guests, not being able to take the shame as she grabbed her purse and angrily walked out the front door.

"What the buck ever," Tulip blurted out. "I don't need to take any of this."

"Tulip? Tulip? Where do you think your going?" Gordon questioned forcefully.

Next: Burger Princess Shack Part 4

Author's Note

Added a bit of original content to this, I hope you all are enjoying the story still. Its been a while, but I am back in full force.

A bit of drama, political mystery and intrigue, some goofy espionage. I hope its to your liking.

Shortly, I have a new cover art coming out for this story. I commissioned the legendary MLP fan artist harwicks-art to get it drawn up.

Let me know if I need to make any edits or fix any grammar. I'm trying my best to polish this up on a time crunch. If anyone has a good story change suggestion, I'd be up for it. This fic is pretty malleable at this point.

Burger Princess Shack part 4

Chef Jack Pot had now proven to Gordon that he was fully capable of making good food without Tulip and Red Skillet's interference. A confident chef had arisen where an angry bitter stallion once was. Even Twilight was once again impressed with the stallion's cooking. A little bit too impressed as Gordon had to keep the deranged Princess from kidnapping the chef to make him her personal cook. It was a little amusing for the human, seeing a pastel-colored pony obsess over a burger the same way a dog would over bacon. Unfortunately, Tulip was not feeling the same way.

After being made to look like a jerk, she stormed right out of the restaurant and into the back alley. Jack Pot just celebrated his success with his team, all the while secretly poking fun at their manipulative co-owner. Gordon had suspicions about what really was going on with the elderly mare, but he kept it to himself for now. It took a bit of coaxing to pry the alicorn away from her food but Gordon brought Twilight to talk to Tulip who was sulking behind a bush that was growing back there alongside all the trashcans and dumpsters from the surrounding buildings.

"Tulip has never liked me, so I've never liked her." Jack Pot explained. "She wanted me to be the reason that her pitiful restaurant has been failing. So she just got up and left, right in the middle of the tasting of my burger."

"Why are you out here?" Twilight asked impatiently. "What is wrong? Hiding here is not going to solve anything."

Gordon tried being patient with the mare, despite his preconceptions about her as he waited to speak while Tulip spoke to Twilight.

"I'm an old mare, Princess, I've been through many circumstances. My situation here is to help my husband get this restaurant back to the way it once was. It's not about some bully or some fool."

"Fool? Bully?" Twilight questioned.

"Is that why you randomly walked out of there?" Gordon interjected. "Because Jack Pot was telling me the truth?"

"Because my heart hurt" Tulip replied. "Is that a wrong thing? That I have to sit there and smile and say that everything is fine? I can't do that!"

Twilight groaned inwardly at her first statement.

"Just tell us what is going on," Gordon replied. "Don't walk out because your husband's food doesn't match up to your chef's food."

"I've been facing a bully, who's been abusive to me," she started.

'Jack Pot hasn't laid a hoof on you lady,' Twilight thought with disdain.

"Then you need to address it because for you to just get up and walk out, it looks pretty vindictive. Red needs you back in there. He needs your support in getting through this. Regardless of who is to blame."

She reluctantly agreed as they followed her back into the restaurant. Red was sitting there patiently at the table, waiting for them to sit back down.

"What happened?" Red asked.

"Tulip got a little upset," Gordon explained.

"I get it, the chef has a high quality that he can bring to the restaurant and he should be doing that now."

Gordon beckoned the pony chef to come over to the table and he sat down beside the rest of them with a smug smile on his face.

"So why did you go outside, Tulip hmmm?" Jack Pot asked.

"That was a different issue, Jack Pot, no need to bring it up again," Red replied.

"Because you're a bully and you say so many vile things to me all the time!" she replied.

"Eight to twelve chefs have walked out of here since I first joined on to this restaurant and that is partial' cause of your fake little emotional outbursts to manipulate everyone here!" Jack Pot exclaimed. "When things don't go your way, you try to pin things on me and my kitchen staff. You have wanted me to fail since day one so that can happen."

"I think Tulip is a shark pretending she's a helpless little foal." Jack Pot explained to the interviewer. "You try going into the water with her and you get your nuts sliced off."

"You want Chef Ramsay to have me fired, that is exactly why you walked out the back door there."

'I'm starting to think that's probably, only part of what's going on with this place' Twilight thought.

Tulip and Red Skillet started screaming and shouting, forcing Twilight and Gordon to separate all of them before a fight broke out.

"Stop! I want to see all of you doing your jobs before I decide on what needs to happen," Twilight declared.

"We will watch each of you during dinner service to see how you handle everything in a big rush," Gordon said. "Finish service, and then we will talk more in-depth afterward, alright?"

They continued glaring at each other but they agreed as they got up from the table and went back to what they were doing.

Twilight decided at that moment that she should take the time to find Red and Tulip's house to snoop around before dinner service came around. Their house was just up the road right by the Ponyville Supermarket. It didn't take long to get there while Gordon was keeping an eye on things at the restaurant. She made up an excuse that she needed to attend to her princess duties elsewhere, which seemed to be a good enough lie for her.

Along the way, she bumped into the Flower Sisters who talked her ear off with random girl things for fifteen minutes. It annoyed her, but she tried being polite to the hyperactive mares every time she interacted with them. Even if it was only by accident.

She moved on soon after and came to Red Skillet's house which was a two-story red apartment building squashed in between two others. It was a very ornate building with statues sitting up on the roof and marble steps that led right up to the front door. Twilight suspected that Red most likely used a portion of the money on his house, which made her like the colt even less. Trying for the more discreet side of things, she slipped into an alleyway and pulled out the old black leotard she had tried to use to sneak into Canterlot Castle.

Looking around, she started going through the back door which was unlocked. Only to be assaulted by a gang of cats hiding out in the alleyway. They clung to her and scratched at her violently as she comedically panicked and bumped into everything in the house. Making as much noise as she possibly could have. She couldn't tell what each of the cats looked like as she pried each of them off quickly with her magic, but they were all ragged and were a variety of colors. Black, orange, grey, white, brown. She had to launch them over a nearby fence to save herself from them and then shut herself inside.

"Ugh, must be their security," Twilight halfheartedly quipped.

She carefully went through the house, making sure not to trip any security magic they may or may not have installed. She made sure to tip hoof around any rug or anything that looked like it could hide any pressure plates or special trap runes. Not that she actually knew that there even were any in the house.

The first room she came into was a small storage room filled with cardboard boxes and dusty wooden crates. It was quite dirty and filled with cobwebs which gave her the urge to clean everything in sight. Unfortunately, since she was on a tight schedule, she would have to put all of that on the backburner.

Into the living room, it was set up neatly, if a bit rustic with all manner of black and white framed photos along each wall, and old pieces of glazed driftwood hanging from the wall facing the front door like trophies. A simple fireplace and some simple furniture were lined up against the right side of the room. The hearth was covered in many little porcelain figurines which were shaped like foals. She was rather creeped out by the way the lifeless little things seemed to be following her with their eyes. At least in her mind, they were.

Just around the corner from the living room, she found the staircase which creaked loudly with every step, forcing her to use a muffling spell on her hooves. It worked fairly well as she cautiously rushed up the stairs and looked through each of the bedrooms and closets on the second floor until she found her quarry. An office that presumably belonged to Red Skillet.

The desk pushed up against the back wall of the office was a rather nice cherrywood desk. It stood tall with many small drawers and compartments for all manner of letters, documents, and office supplies. There were slots for letters to go into before they were taken to the post office. Two inkwells were mounted into the wood just by a row of tiny drawers where the table of the desk unfolded by its hinges. It looked like the kind of desk Twilight's grandmother had back home in Canterlot. She approached the desk cautiously, waiting for any sign of something bad to happen.

"Let's see if we can't find anything you're hiding Skillet," Twilight stated to herself.

An hour later back at the restaurant, Gordon was talking with his production crew on proper lighting for specific shots in the restaurant. A small corner table by the front door of the restaurant was where he waited for Twilight patiently as dinner service slowly started to creep around the corner. Rarity had insisted upon getting the word out of his and Twilight's appearance at the restaurant to draw in a crowd. He was starting to get concerned about where Twilight was and was about to head out to look for her.

'I hope she didn't get into any serious trouble,' Gordon thought concerned.

Suddenly, the front doors of the restaurant slammed open and a pony covered in smoke and soot hit the floor. She smelled like burnt fur and had eyes that were bloodshot and clearly irritated. Her mane was all ragged The mare hobbled into the restaurant, struggling to keep her balance as she held what looked to be a journal in her magical grasp. Gordon was about to ask who this strange pony was until he saw the wings and the horn sticking out of the burnt mane that was sticking up every which way.

"Holy shit! Twilight is that you?" Gordon exclaimed. "What the fuck happened?"

"Booby-trapped desk." was all the alicorn would say.

"What?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she groaned uncomfortably.

She handed the journal off to Gordon who delicately grabbed onto its leather-bound cover before watching the mare teleport off somewhere. Gordon waited for a moment, hoping that Twilight didn't just disappear on him again. Not a few minutes after, she teleported back into the room looking more fresh and clean, but somewhat damp. Like she had just gotten out of the shower but tried quickly drying herself off.

"Better?" Gordon chuckled.

"A little. I'm still sore from getting trapped in a Firestorm Cone and getting pelted with meteorites. I didn't even know mages still made those things."

"A what?"

"Extradimensional hammer-space trap that bombards its victims with fire magic and molten rock. Red had one stashed in his desk."

"I'm assuming they are gonna discover that tonight when they go home," Gordon said with a raised eyebrow. "How are you gonna handle that?"

"I'll tell them afterward I had to relieve them of the journal. Its evidence in a royal investigation."

"Isn't that breaking?"

"Under article 2, section 5-B it states a Princess is allowed to enter another pony's property without permission under the premise of an officially recognized investigation as long as another Princess knows what is happening."

She seemed to realize she brought up a problem upon herself as she quickly took out some parchment paper, made a quick report to Princess Celestia, and sent it off via dragon flame.

"I'm not even going to try to ask you about the fucking weird laws here," Gordon chuckled painfully into his hands.

Twilight went on and explained what she found in the journal. Gordon promised her that he would look it over after service when they got back to the castle. She collapsed to the ground in exhaustion, lying on her back and snoring away.

From the moment the both of them arrived earlier that morning, Twilight and Gordon had been hit with a variety of issues. It was finally time for dinner service and Ayers had arrived at the restaurant with his girlfriend. For the first time in a very long time, Ayers was going to be working alongside his father and mother. At Gordon's request.

Twilight watched from the front of the counter how Ayers greeted customers and took their orders. She was fairly impressed with his polite behavior and cordial performance. One pony in question that came to the counter was Thunderlane. One of Rainbow Dash's friends that she had always liked. He had heard about Twilight and Gordon's appearance at the restaurant and decided to try it out.

"What can I get for you, sir?" Ayers asked him as he held out a notepad.

"I think I'll try the Dodge Junction Chili Burger," Thunderlane replied cheerfully. "That one sounds tubular."

"How would you like that?"

"Uhhh, cooked?" Thunderlane replied.

Ayers hoof faced himself and tried remaining patient.

"How cooked? Rare, Medium, or Well Done?"

"Oh! Medium!"

Twilight giggled good-naturedly at the stallion from afar as she watched.

Ayers brought the order to the back and after a small case of miscommunication from the overworked Jack Pot, they started on the order. Gordon followed Ayers back to the front to get a clear understanding of his duties in the restaurant.

"Okay, so what are you doing tonight?" Gordon asked.

"I've been hosting, expediting, serving. A lot to say the least."

Gordon looked out to the packed dining room and saw Red Skillet walking around from table to table, talking to ponies with no rhyme or reason.

"Is your father taking orders?"

"No, he's just hosting tonight."

"I've been wanting for him to just stay by the register and just run bills," Ayers added through his gritted teeth.

"He doesn't seem to be listening," Gordon replied.

"No one is listening to me!"

They watched and cringed as Red Skillet tried to awkwardly talk to one of the customers about the beer that they were drinking. Ayers reared back in embarrassment as he watched the customers lean back in their chairs from his father.

"I want my father to get back to just being at the register, but he just likes chatting up with the guests where he is not needed. Not to mention, he's had a bad breath problem for a long time. I know for a fact that when he trots up to ponies, they lean back or get out of their chairs for a moment." Ayers said with disgust.

Ayers discreetly walked out and tried to tell his father not to linger by the tables as he pulled the reluctant Red Skillet back behind the counter. Red Skillet unfortunately wasn't listening to his son's protests as he went into the back office to speak with him. Twilight stayed close behind, already able to tell that it wasn't going to end very well for either of them.

"I don't want to talk to you right now! I have work to do!" Ayers insisted loudly.

"Just give me a few bloody damn seconds to talk to you!" Red retorted.

"What is it?!"

"You are mistaken about me. I was just greeting, that's all I was doing and I'm always happy to do it!"

"You're lingering by their tables and bothering them! They don't need you hovering over them all the time!"

"I'm not lingering! You are mistaken!"

Meanwhile, Gordon remained up front behind the counter, speaking with Ayers mare friend, hoping to get more information.

"So Clementine, Ayers, and Red don't really work together at all do they? Not even normally?"

"Nope." the mare replied. "All they really do every time they are together is go to the backroom and yell."

"Their relationship is that fragmented?"

The mare simply shrugged.

"It's just how things have been for a long time!"

"Ayers' father will not listen for any reason," Clementine explained. "He doesn't understand the meaning of the word "NO." No matter what Ayers says, he is just like a brick wall most of the time. And just as stubborn as one."

When Ayers got back into the kitchen, he found mistakes were already starting and confusion was beginning to boil over. Countless orders were being stacked up on the line, and Jack Pot was having a difficult time catching up. The pressure was already starting to get at the bulky stallion as he snapped a couple of times at his staff and Ayers. Burgers and other meals were being sent out quickly, but unfortunately, the meals had many things wrong with them.

One breakfast hay burger sent to the local carrot farmer Carrot Top was soaked in grease and came to her table looking like an oozing wet pile of mush. Just one look at the burger made her sick as she pushed it away and tried closing her eyes to settle her stomach. Another hay burger given to a locally known vegetarian griffin who was visiting town received his burger medium-rare and almost pink in the middle. It reminded him too much of meat which made him flag down one of the waitress mares.

"Excuse me miss, I ordered my hay burger medium-well. Can you get that fixed?" he asked nicely.

"Sure, I'll take that off your claws," she sighed as she picked up the plate and trotted back into the kitchen.

A pattern of unhappy customers continued well into the evening as food kept getting sent back into the kitchen. Gordon just told Twilight to wait and watch with him until things really started going downhill. He had some semblance of hope that Ayers might have had a chance to pull things together and get the night back on track. However, that didn't seem to be helping at all either as the tickets continued piling up. So many had piled up that they had to lay them next to each other, covering all of the counters. Twilight was completely aghast and felt lightheaded from how disorganized everything was.

"This is completely unacceptable! Everything is so chaotic!" Twilight shrieked in distress. "It's like a game of Solitaire!"

In the kitchen, the tension between Ayers and Jack Pot was at its breaking point as miscommunication started turning into attacks. One of the orders was written improperly on one of the tickets, confusing.

"Does table #2 have their hay fries?" a sous chef asked.

"Table #2? There is no Table #2." Ayers replied.

"Table bucking #2!" the chef snapped back.

"Jeez guys, why is this so hard to understand?" Jack Pot groaned angrily at everyone.

The chef pulled the ticket down from the line with his magic and handed it off to Ayers assistant.

"It says #42." she corrected.

"It's 42, you morons!" Ayers shouted. "There are two guests at the table! There isn't going to be 42 bucking guests at some fictional table!"

The disagreement continued to mount up as they continued shouting at each other. Tulip tried calming down Ayers who was starting to scream at them.

"I'm gonna jump over this counter and knock your ass out if you don't calm the buck down!" Jack Pot threatened.

"OH, YOU ARE? YOU ARE? COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" Ayers roared. "YOU WANT TO THREATEN ME? THEN GET THE BUCK OUT OF HERE!"

Jack Pot came over and got into a shouting match with Ayers that lasted for three straight minutes. The sound of the fighting could be heard all the way from the dining room which was disturbing the diners.

"I don't give a damn--" Jack Pot started.

"YOU ARE DONE! GOODBYE!"

Jack Pot angrily left out the back door kicking a coat rack over.

Twilight and Gordon waited for the commotion to stop before running into the kitchen and following Jack Pot out.

"Should I have done that?" Jack Pot asked the interviewer outside. "Probably not. But I'm not just gonna stand there and let some crackhead and his mother yell at me like I'm the one doing everything wrong! We should not be treated that way."

The assistant chefs were getting angry at how unfairly their former head was treated as one of them tried defusing the situation.

"Come on Ayers, there's no need for any of this--" one of them stated.

"What the fuck did you say?" Ayers growled.

"Dude! It was a miscommunication on the line!" he insisted.

"I DON'T CARE!"

Tulip got in between the two and got the angry unicorn to be quiet for a moment.

"Let Ayers handle it. Everything is fine!"

"I've taken shit from so many ponies tonight, that I just cracked," he said with his voice breaking.

Right outside, Gordon and Twilight went to talk to Jack Pot, hoping to figure out what started the fight.

"What happened, Jack?" Twilight asked.

"Ayers is in there, screaming his head off like a maniac." he chuckled grimly as he shook his head. "I told him that if he didn't stop screaming and treating us like crap that I was gonna go over there and kick his ass."

"Probably not the smartest thing to say to your boss," Twilight remarked. "You're lucky being fired is all that happened."

"I do get it though," Gordon said with sympathy.

"Your Majesty, I don't need him doing that to me and my staff in there. There's too much confusion going on. You got Ayers, you got his mare friend, you got his evil mother, you got that dumbass of a father of his...none of them go to the top floor. They all have serious mental problems."

"Did he ask you to leave or something?" Gordon asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, I got canned alright. Now I need to find a new spot in Ponyville," Jack groaned.

Twilight rubbed the bridge of her snout with her forehoof, mimicking Gordon involuntarily as she materialized a piece of parchment and a quill as she wrote down a letter of recommendation for Jack Pot. Hoping that would get him a new job at one of the other restaurants in Ponyville. He took the letter thankfully as he somberly walked off into the streets.

"How do you want to play the rest of this Gordon?" Twilight asked. "We need to see what's in that journal before going after them."

"Yeah, we can give it a look tonight and then come up with an endgame for this whole thing tomorrow," Gordon stated. "I'd rather not hit a family with anger management and manipulation issues with criminal accusations until we have something concrete."

"I'll send a message to the Royal Guard Bureau in Canterlot and have them relinquish the evidence from the coup. We need to see how it connects to them and then compare that to what's in the journal."

"You try to get Ayers to calm down and open up a bit, see if we can't resolve any more of these problems, while I talk to the sous chef, see if I can't get some more information."

Unfortunately, the night was already starting to go down in flames as ponies tired of waiting, were starting to get up from their table and leave. The waitresses gave the customers drinks and Root Beer Floats on the house, hoping to appease them.

Some of the kitchen staff were fed up with how the owners were treating them and their former boss as they started to quit and walk right out. But not before they demanded their pay from Red Skillet. Twilight and Gordon tried to let them handle the situation unless it devolved into shouting and fighting. She realized that the restaurant would need to collapse before any meaningful change could begin to happen.

"I don't have your payment right now, but I will tomorrow--" Red tried to offer,

"We demand that you give us our pay right now. Equestrian law states that you give us our pay before we leave." one of them growled. "Plus who knows if you are going to even be here tomorrow?"

"We are going to be here tomorrow, that's obvious," Red replied.

"Well, we don't know that. You've been treating us like shit for months. Tulip will probably just hide the money and pretend she lost it."

Tulip's face started to turn beet red at that remark.

They stormed off into the backroom as Ayers and Clementine followed alongside Gordon and Twilight.

"Write the check for a thousand bits," Ayers instructed.

"Will you put the money in tomorrow?" she asked the colt.

"Why would Ayers be the one putting in the money from his own pocket?" Twilight asked. "You should be paying from the restaurant's accounts, not his!"

"They are what!?" Clementine shouted as she pushed through towards Tulip. "I don't think so! You already stole his money once paying for the restaurant, you are not taking any more money out of his account!"

"Clementine, butt out please, and don't get involved!" Tulip snapped.

The mare started tearing up as she turned to Gordon.

"His parents will never respect him, Chef, they are the most fucked up ponies I've ever seen." she cried.

Red and Tulip just continued as they swiped one of Ayers checks and filled it out, handing it to one of the chefs, despite all of Clementine's protests.

"Can't you do something, Your Highness?" Clementine pleaded with the alicorn. "Ayers doesn't have the money in there to give to any of them! He's given them too much!"

"She's right, Red, if Ayers isn't permitting you, then that's theft. I cannot allow that in my city," Twilight declared.

"IT'S NOT YOUR CHOICE!" Red barked at Clementine and Twilight.

"It's not your choice either! It's Ayers' choice and you aren't letting him have it!"

"We have the deed to this place and access to all our family's accounts, you are not an owner!" Red replied.

The rebelling staff tired of waiting and left the building, threatening to take their complaints up with the Royal Guard to get their payment. Ayers, unable to take the stress anymore, went into a corner of the kitchen and started to bawl his eyes out. His assistant tried cheering him up, to no avail. Twilight stayed behind in the back room, having a harsh conversation with Red and Tulip while Gordon went to Ayers.

"That was pretty horrendous back there," Gordon said.

Ayers couldn't do anything but sniffle as his bloodshot red eyes looked off in a random direction. He slumped against the counter and sniffled, trying to keep his emotions under control.

"You gonna be alright, mate?" Gordon asked concerned.

"I got threatened and shouted at...my parents are treating me and my mare friend like shit...All I want to do is make something good for Ponyville...Go back to the days when Twilight loved coming here." he sobbed. "I'm paying for everything,...I'm always getting all the supplies...directing the kitchen, and nothing works. My ma and pa get in the way of everything! I'm the only one keeping this place from closing down!"

Gordon couldn't help but feel sorry for the colt as he tried patting him on the withers to get him to calm down.

"You're in your mid-twenties and you've got the entire world on your back for God's sake!" Gordon exclaimed. "None of this is right!"

"I just can't do this anymore! We are going under and I can't stop any of it from happening!"

Gordon coaxed him to go outside with him to get some air while the other sous chefs try to restore order.

"It all hit me like a flood gate. Every bad emotion from the past few months just came colliding with me at full speed. I just can't take it anymore!"

Next Time: Burger Princess Shack Finale

Author's Note

Its been a while, but I got another out. I've been pretty busy the past few months, but I hope you guys enjoy this latest installment. I already have the last chapter of this arc halfway done and soon we will move on to Gordon's next big show for Equestria. Hotel Hell! So stay tuned for more!

As always, tell me what you think below and let me know what I can do to improve it in any way.

Burger Princess Shack Finale

Outside in the alleyway, Gordon and Twilight went out to meet with Ayers who was sobbing uncontrollably on the side of a trashcan. Breathing in dust particles from the filth around him made him worse as it started to sound more like disgusting snorting and crying. It was a mess of a situation to get into. This poor fella was on his last legs and the last bit of his sanity was slipping away. One last push could send him over the edge, which meant Gordon and Twilight would have to be careful and treat Ayers as gently as possible. At the same time, however, Ayers needed to hear the truth about what was going on and what needed to be done to fix it all.

"I'm sorry for this unseemly behavior, your majesty," Ayers cried to Twilight.

"I don't mind," she replied gently. "Just let it out."

"What they are doing to you is not fair buddy," Gordon stated.

"Yeah, you see the first thing they ask for? "Ayers, can you put more money in?" What the buck is that about? Are they treating this like a game? Is this business a game to them? It's like, let's see if we can't get him to crack tonight!"

Twilight rubbed her head and materialized a sheet of paper and a quill. She wrote down a quick Guard report and sent it off to Canterlot for evaluation.

"My head is so damn messed up right now. I want to laugh and cry at the same time."

"We see what you are going through Ayers. This place is a disaster and it happened right in my own city!" Twilight exclaimed. "A fragmented family business like this could affect every pony else in town!"

"And the Chef was so pressured that he felt the need to lash out at you? That's ridiculous!" Gordon added.

"He threatened me, and that adding to everything else just broke me tonight," Ayers sniffled. "Clementine just warned me that it's been bottling up and I was just going to have a breakdown."

"You have an implosive temper," Twilight surmised.

"A what?" Gordon asked.

"There are two kinds of tempers. Explosive and implosive. Ponies with Explosive tempers like Rainbow Dash have short fuses and burn out their anger quickly. Implosive tempers like Fluttershy's are a bit more self-destructive because they hold everything in until their composure collapses and their temper goes much longer like water out of a faucet."

Gordon suddenly was reminded of a certain Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler movie from that statement.

"That certainly describes me," Ayers replied forlornly.

"The good thing is we picked it up quickly. Come by Fluttershy's cottage when you have the time. Implosive tempers in Ponyville can lead to severe friendship problems. I would rather you didn't start screaming at ponies on the street. Consider it a royal order."

Ayers only nodded obediently with his head hung low.

"Here's the sad news. None of this seems to be your fault. Twilight and I have a suspicion about your father but I don't think you are involved in that either. You are the only one in this restaurant that seems to be taking any semblance of responsibility." Gordon said. "Your Mom and Dad are delusional, I hope you know that."

"I do, I do..."

"I always encourage ponies to follow their calling and their dreams, but this is not that." Twilight agreed. "You have been feeding their delusions of grandeur and falling deeper into this whole you all made for yourselves."

"You finally realized what's been happening haven't you?" Gorden asked rhetorically. "You've got to take the reins on this situation. If you'll pardon the expression Twilight."

"None taken."

Ayers just continued crying with shallow breaths, trying to control himself and calm himself down. Gordon could tell what the restaurant meant to him. He didn't want it, but inadvertently Red Skillet and Tulip forced him into a position of loving it. So now that's exactly the result. Ayers thanked the both of them for being the only ponies to actually care. Complimenting Gordon on how he actually seems to have a big heart despite his outward demeanor.

"You're lucky to have found a friend like the Chef, Your Majesty," Ayers sniffled.

Twilight and Gordon looked at each other and smiled.

"Yeah, she's pretty good," Gordon nodded.

"You too," Twilight replied sweetly.

They helped Ayers calm down enough and ushered him back inside so they could finish dinner service before closing out for the day. Twilight and Gordon went back to the Castle to speak with the others on what they had found out and to gather together intel every pony had discovered individually. Gordon's production team however remained at the restaurant to mount their recording equipment for what was assumed to be the last days of this particular Nightmare.

Twilight and Gordon arrived back just in time for dessert, which Pinkie had provided in the form of a large bundt cake served with Orange pop. Meeting once again in the main living room to discuss their findings and what would happen next. Spike had another message from Princess Celestia that appeared shortly before they arrived back. It had confirmed everything that Twilight suspected about Red Skillet's father.

"So what's the dealeo with Red and Tulip?" Applejack asked.

"I bet they're like conspirators or something. They've always been shifty looking." Rainbow added.

"Oh, pish posh Rainbow, I bet it's nothing like that," Rarity shot.

"Actually that's not too far from the truth," Gordon stated.

"WHAT?" the others exclaimed.

Twilight went through the journal that she had discovered in Red Skillet's apartment and seized it as evidence in an official investigation.

"Red's father was a local Baron in control of Marebourne's shipping lanes and distribution of all goods coming to and from Clawstralia."

"Why is it called Clawstralia anyway? I figured It would have been called something like Oatstralia since you ponies seem to thrive on those stupid puns of yours," Gordon chuckled.

"Oh yeah, then what's up with Hell Hole California, Truth or Consequences New Mexico, Scratch Ankle Alabama, Bitch Lake Idaho, or Whynot Mississippi?" Rainbow huffed.

"Why not Miss Sippy?" Pinkie asked innocently.

"That's what I said. Whynot Mississippi?"

"Is there something wrong with Miss Sippy? Did she get sick?"

"What? Pinkie the town is called Whynot?"

"Why not what?" Pinkie huffed comedically.

"It's Whynot!"

"That's what I asked," Pinkie snapped out.

"I can't even with you," Rainbow replied.

"Why not?"

"That's what I want to know!"

"Isn't Why in Arizona?" Applejack asked.

"Why what in Arizona?" Pinkie asked.

"There's no Whywhat Arizona!"

"Why are you deaf?" Rainbow asked in disbelief.

"How can a city be deaf?"

"They might be blind..."

"It can't!"

"CAN WE GET BACK ON THE SUBJECT PLEASE?" Twilight yelled.

The others went silent and blushed in embarrassment as the room quieted down again.

"Thank you. Now to answer your question Gordon, the island continent used to be the territory of the Southeastern Giao Long Water Dragon Empire but constant droughts drove them back North to the mainland due to the lack of water magic and the overabundance of Earth Magic." Twilight explained. "Colonial Ponies there associate the continent with its former inhabitants so much that the name just stuck. Thank you for the suggestion Oatstralia though, maybe I'll put in a query with the Princess..."

"If I had to hazard a guess, it sounds like the grandfather was involved in some nasty criminal activity. You said something about a coup?" Gordon asked.

Twilight shuffled nervously where she was standing which made everyone feel uncomfortable.

"Yes," Twilight breathed out nervously. "We should have seen it too. All six of us. After reading through it, now I know why Red's grandfather had such an odd obsession for Clawstralia's magic-resistant wood. He was gathering it for his master."

"Someone else was pulling his strings?" Gordon asked.

"Yes, and girls, it's someone we know far too well. Tirek."

"Tirek?!" they exclaimed.

Gordon didn't recognize the name so he turned to Twilight with a confused look.

"That's right, you weren't there for the smackdown," Rainbow added. "Tirek was one of the biggest jerks we ever faced. Among our Legion of Doom who keeps coming back!"

"We are not calling them the Legion of Doom Rainbow, but she's right. Lord Tirek was a centaur who felt betrayed when his brother Scorpio favored pony kind's peaceful ways over their warlike tendencies. So he vowed to take our magic all for his own and turn pony kind into slaves for his twisted desires. If it wasn't for us, he would have succeeded. I nearly died trying to fight him off at full power."

"Shit. I'm glad you came out of that alright," Gordon consoled. "Good to know you can throw down with the best of them."

"That's sweet Gordon, thanks. But it didn't stop there. Tirek had been gathering followers long before we were even born. Several cells all over the planet are dedicated to carrying out his will and finally releasing him from his imprisonment. Princess Luna and my brother have been investigating these cells to eliminate them"

"From what I can gather, it sounds like Red's father was going to use that wood to help this Tirek somehow." Gordon surmised.

"Magic resistant prisons and corrals to trap ponies," Spike interjected. "Not a pleasant thought."

"So how does Red fit into all of this?" Applejack asked apprehensively. "If that varmint and his family are here to pull some sneaky little trick, they've got another thing coming!"

"What about Ayers? Does he know anything about this?" Fluttershy asked nervously.

The alicorn shook her head.

"No. I don't think he knows a thing about his father and grandfather's criminal activity. He sounded genuine in the fact that he's been in the dark his whole life..."

"Which brings us to the dreadful topic of this coup de tat," Rarity said. "May we please know about that now?"

Rarity grabbed the tea she was drinking and leaned in to express her interest.

"On the mark as always Rarity. Red's father led a coup against the local government sometime before Tirek began to re-enter Equestria. Thanks to the Princess and my brother's predecessor Captain Hidalgo, that coup was thwarted."

"Hidalgo?" Gordon's producer asked. "Isn't that the legendary racer?"

"Racer?" Rainbow asked with interest.

"Yes, the legend goes he was a wild Paint Mustang of incredible strength and stamina rode by a half-native man in a race against the fastest Arabian horses in the world. The race went across the desert and they nearly died finishing the race. But they beat the horses who were considered from a superior breed and became legends."

"I have a few Paint Mustangs in the family. Maybe I ought to talk to them about endurance training a bit more," Applejack thought out loud.

"How extraordinary. I love a stallion who proves that blood and lineage isn't everything," Rarity marveled.

"Awesome! Maybe I'll give this desert a look and try my luck at it," Rainbow pumped.

Applejack rolled her eyes but internally started planning a trip to Earth to set up another Iron Pony Competition.

"The parallels between our dimensions are astounding as always. Hidalgo here was a Paint Earth Pony also of incredible strength and stamina. The nobility objected to an earth pony becoming a Captain of the Royal Guard, but the Princess made an exception in his case. Shiny often told me his legs could break through solid iron when he went full gallop. "

"Which brings us finally to Red himself," Gordon said to get the conversation back on topic. "Is he involved with any of this?"

Twilight flipped through the journal again with her magic and scanned through it quickly before snapping it shut again.

"Unfortunately I don't know. Red may be a terrible businessman right now but he's not stupid. I feel stupid myself visiting his restaurant all this time and not suspecting a thing."

"It's, not your fault Twilight, he fooled all of us," Spike said.

"So we're gonna have to go right to the man himself to find out his intentions..."

"What is the plan then? We have to deal with both the restaurant and interrogate him."

Twilight put her forehoof to her chin for a moment, rubbing it back and forth in thought. A smile came to her face and the Scottish man could have sworn he saw a lightbulb appear over her head.

"I know just what to do!"

The next morning, she and the girls sent a message to Ayers, Red, Tulip, and Clementine to meet at Ponyville's local amphitheater. Applejack, Rainbow, and Rarity all went off somewhere else to deal with the plan they had concocted. Why she had called a meeting at such an unusual place, they couldn't tell. He greeted them and they all sat down in the same row, waiting for whatever the Chef and the Princess had in mind for them. Little did they know, they were all in for a not-so-subtle wake-up call.

"Good morning. First off, Twilight and I wanted to get you all out of the restaurant. That was important. What better way to do that than to bring you to an amazing little theater and a show. We all love a show. Because this will be the show of your life."

"Mares and Gentlecolts," Twilight proclaimed. "I would like to present to you, the Neighers."

Twilight pointed off to the right, signaling a large group of ponies to start walking onto the stage in single file. Neatly lining up in rows to show just how many had arrived. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity followed behind the small crowd and subtly made their way to the back of the amphitheater to watch the unfolding spectacle.

"Good morning every pony. There sure are a lot of Neighers."

Red Skillet felt himself making a grateful frown at the sight before him. Tulip shared the same sentiment along with him.

"The Princess and this human had the absolute nerve to invite these Neighers here! They are deliberately attacking my restaurant. Every Neigher lies. They hurt and damage restaurants by doing this."

"Red, now that we have your attention, I want you and Tulip to listen carefully," Twilight said strictly. "You were one hundred percent convinced that these ponies were part of a conspiracy out to get you and your restaurant."

"Red, there is some pony I would like you to meet," Twilight said. "This mare is the community manager for the bulletin board Neigh. We know her and her son very well, but you might not. Meet Cream Heart."

A mare with a cream-colored coat and a caramel-colored mane with light blue eyes stepped out into the center of the stage with a controlled, neutral glare on her face. She stared down at Red and Tulip emotionlessly for a few moments. For some reason, Twilight could tell that this was a mare not to be trifled with. She was no telepath, but she could tell that she had a lot of pent-up anger that she was controlling exceedingly well. Anyone that made her snap would no doubt face a raging fury. Twilight felt herself nearly jump out of her skin when Cream flashed her a quick good-natured smile before going back to her controlled glare.

'Button is a trooper dealing with this mare every day,' Twilight thought nervously.

"Cream has such a divine form. I must invite her to the Boutique again," Rarity murmured.

"Mr. Skillet," she began. "I can tell you are very frustrated. We, however, are very real, the reviews we have posted in front of City Hall are very real, as it is our job as members of Ponyville's community to express what we think. It is feedback to use however you choose if you choose to use them at all."

Cream stepped aside and allowed the ponies that had come to express their opinions. One claimed they had spent thirty bits on a hayburger, which Gordon felt himself internally protesting at. Even at the ritziest restaurants, having a hamburger worth that much was overkill. A griffin that lived on the outskirts of Ponyville expressed how his burger had the consistency of a soggy piece of meatloaf. Which made some of the ponies feel sick, some being vegetarians after all.

Twilight saw Tulip began to rudely lie down and sleep in the middle of their testimonials as if she was not listening. She even began to hold her hoof up to her mouth and yawn. A cold sweat went down Twilight's brow. The alicorn went stiff and her eyes darted to Cream Heart who was starting to shake with rage. This was going bad and they had to reign it in quick before a fight broke out.

Other ponies had revealed Red was leaving counter-notices on the bulletin board, threatening legal action, and every kind of insult under the sun. One even It had convinced them that perhaps Red was too far gone. Tulip had hammered in this point by looking like she was fully asleep. Gordon noticed Cream's demeanor too and tried to interject.

"Tulip, are we keeping you up darling? Do you need a blanket? A binkie, maybe a little warm milkie?" Gordon mocked.

"I don't know what you are trying to pull there Miss Tulip, but we've been here for ten minutes and to watch you sleep and snore, it is the height of bad manners." Cream Heart sneered. "The last time my little Button did that to me, he was hanging by his back hooves from the laundry line for hours."

"Unbelievable," Gordon agreed. "Unbelievable. They're customers!"

"No! No! No! No! You're missing my point completely!" Red interrupted. "Every single one of these ponies here. you, you, you, you, you--"

"ENOUGH!" Cream and Ayers screamed.

Ayers looked at Cream, surprised to have the support who only winked at him and gestured for him to continue. When Tulip tried to interrupt, Cream intimidated her into silence with a death stare.

"You are so focused on being fancy with our "native" dishes and being rated three hooves, four hooves, five hooves. It's an arbitrary number! These ponies are being honest when they are telling us that they had a terrible time! Princess Twilight used to come to your restaurant all the time when she first came to Ponyville! Now it seems like you don't give a crap anymore!"

"You aren't listening to me!" Red tried butting in.

"I don't want to! None of us want to!"

He held up his forehooves in resignment and leaned back with a sour look across his muzzle. Ayers put his head in his hooves, anxiously while Clementine rubbed his back and consoled him.

"I'm afraid to talk anymore," he grumbled. "Am I gonna get snapped at again?"

"Oh, go shove a kangaroo up your flank," Clementine growled.

"You are being completely unreasonable Red," Twilight scolded. "Ayers was not snapping at you, he was simply telling you that you were focusing on the wrong things."

"I don't appreciate unfairness, your majesty. You know this! You used to come to my restaurant, but you're too busy for us little ponies anymore," Red spat back. "It had to have been you that influenced those ponies to say all this!"

Twilight felt hurt by that statement and froze, feeling her jaw clench and her eyes start to water. Rainbow nearly leaped out and tackled Red but Gordon held his hand up stepped in front of the alicorn, patting her on the head.

"Those reviews were never personal Mr. Skillet," Gordon stated. "If they were, and good gravy I am tempted to myself, they would insult you straight to your face. My restaurants back on Earth have gotten the whole board of poor to excellent reviews. If over a dozen people tell me that something is wrong with my food, there has to be a problem. I see the problem, and I take that opportunity to change course. You must listen to some kind of consensus."

Gordon could tell that what he said was starting to work on Red. But he needed to push him just a bit further. This was an unusual circumstance. An interrogation, along with changes to a restaurant's enterprising. Something the man never had to deal with. Sure he came into contact with plenty of people who were being arrested during a Nightmare but never had he actively investigate a man while he was trying to fix his business. It certainly was going to become a conflict of interest if they didn't resolve things quickly.

Twilight luckily regained her composure by practicing her breathing technique.

"Let's reconvene back at the restaurant. There are some serious things we really need to discuss Red. Tulip." Twilight glowered.

"Well said, let's just hope this doesn't end as badly as the last one did," Gordon gulped.

Gordon, Twilight, Applejack, and Spike went home with the others alone, leaving the rest of the girls to fulfill their own roles.

Heading back to the restaurant, they all sat down at one table while Applejack lingered close to the table keeping an eye on everything. Now that Red's so-called "conspiracy" was properly debunked. It was high time that they dealt with my more serious problems that had sprouted up in this Nightmare.

"We really need to speak honestly Red," Twilight stated. "There is so much tension in this restaurant from this family and it really does fall into a severe friendship problem. Family is just a stronger form of friendship after all. So many things need to be cleared up and as your ruler, I am commanding all of you to be one hundred percent honest with me. Applejack as the Element of Honesty will call you out if she senses even the slightest flicker of a lie or holding back on the truth. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, your grace," they mumbled in unison.

Applejack smiled and laughed internally at how hoity and high Twilight was acting with her princess persona.

"Gordon. You may begin your questions," Twilight said.

Gordon made the same face Applejack was making for a moment, but brushed it aside and nodded as he leaned forward in the booth they all sat at and clasped his hands together across the table.

"Who runs the restaurant? Really?" he pressed.

"It seems by default, I am the owner, but I don't want to be," Red replied with a groan.

Gordon noticed Ayers and Clementine scoffing at that but ignored them.

"Come on," Gordon asked with a little more intensity.

"He wanted full control," Clementine added.

Red was already starting to boil, but Twilight's glares were enough to keep him cool.

"Don't you trust him at all?" Twilight asked pointing to Ayers.

"I trust my son completely. Of course, it seems Clementine and Mr. Ramsay here believe I don't."

"Ayers, I think it's time you told your Dad why the feeling isn't mutual," Gordon said.

"I don't trust you because you took the money I was inherited for something I never supported! I don't even know why the grandfather I never knew had 100 million bits worth of opals on him but I wanted to put it away for MY foals! I wanted that decision and you took that away from me!"

"On that note, we have something even more pressing than the restaurant that we discovered just last night." Gordon reminded Twilight. "This something may shed some light on your questions, Ayers."

Twilight pulled the journal she had snatched from Red's study before the Fire Storm Cone incinerated it.

"I KNEW IT! I WAS WONDERING WHY MY STUDY WAS SCORCHED! GIVE IT BACK!" Red shouted as he tried to lunge for her.

Applejack saw this instantly and roped him and Tulip to the booth, wrapping them up tightly in multiple knots.

"That's quite enough out of you." Applejack spat. "After what we found out about you slimy little roos, I wouldn't count on any patience."

"What are you talking about?" Ayers asked.

Twilight opened up the journal to a specific page.

"Maybe if I read a few entries, things will start to make sense and just maybe, your lips will start to loosen Red," Twilight stated.

Year 974 of Celestia's Reign
"Father is so insufferable. He hates being called out on anything, especially by his own son. Every day is a nightmare at home and work. I'm constantly in a tug of war between both mother and father. He doesn't listen to anyone, and just does as he damn well pleases, thinking he's the king of the world!"

Year 975 of Celestia's Reign
"This can't go on for any longer, we are poking a bull we can't hope to fight back against. Father just won't stop. He keeps going on and on about how the master will lead us into a new era where only the strong will be allowed to use magic. How the weak will be stripped of it and forced to be subservient to us. I want to say something, but I can never work up the strength to."

She looked up and saw it was beginning to work. Ayers was looking at his father in horrified confusion and Red himself was flushed, clearly disturbed by what was happening. She would only need another push to finally break him.

Year 976 of Celestia's Reign
"I can't believe he actually did that. Father killed some pony. A reporter from Canterlot. She was snooping around and I tried to sneak her out, but she was caught. He trapped her in the corral and sucked out too much of her magic. It must have been too much for her heart. I can't take this anymore. I have to get away before this Tirek of his kills us all"

Looking up again, the faces everyone was making changed drastically. Ayers only cried silently and shook his head in disappointment while Clementine looked at Red with horror. Skillet's face looked empty. Defeated. Like he had been stabbed through the gut and all trace of life had left his body. His eyes were glazed over.

"Pretty fucking horrific," Gordon said. "I don't know anything about your father or this Tirek character, but I know an egomaniacal maniac when I hear about one. We got a handful left on Earth ourselves despite our best efforts. So I suggest you remain cooperative with us."

"My thoughts exactly," Twilight echoed. "At this point, the restaurant is no longer our concern. With this journal, you are suspected of accessory to insurrection, high treason, and murder of a pony. That is unless we like the answers we hear. Even after that, you will be escorted out of here by the Elements of Honesty and Loyalty before being escorted to Canterlot by a contingent of Royal Guard. There you will re-answer every question we ask the Royal Sisters themselves. If you are found guilty of all charges, I will leave you personally in Princess Celestia's judgment."

Red only vacantly nodded his head before Twilight loosened up and cracked her own neck. The satisfying pop cleared her head and focused her attention.

"Now. Red. Did you and your father abandon your loyalties to Equestria for the dominion of the conqueror known as Lord Tirek?"

"F-Father did yes," Red replied in monotone. "I had no choice in the matter. Even in those days, my father always had a tight grip on me. I was his errand boy. I helped with the day-to-day operations of his shipping business. He was Clawstralia's shipping tycoon and I was his dutiful son. I hated it, but what could I do? When he got word that Lord Tirek was going to re-enter Equestria after hundreds of years in exile, he was ecstatic."

"I'm guessing this magic resistant wood I keep hearing about was his contribution to Tirek?" Gordon asked.

Twilight nodded but then went forth to continue her interrogation trying to contain herself at the thought she was trying to bring up.

"Why are you in Equestria? Do you have any intention of carrying out Tirek's will or your father's mission?"

Palpable silence filled the room for a few minutes until Red let out a short and quiet "no". It relieved some of Twilight's stress, not wanting to worry about a Tirek worshipping cult hiding in Ponyville, but that's what the Princesses' job was. To know for certain if he was telling the truth.

"When the princess arrested most of us, Tulip I had already escaped Father's clutches and stowed away on a ship heading for Equestria. I smuggled a large portion of Father's money with us, hoping to make a new life for us and start over while we still could. We lost all contact with the organization, and I have no idea who is running it now. I have been contacted over the years, but I always turned down the offers to rejoin. When we had Ayers, I tried to keep him out of what had happened back home, but there was always the risk of discovery. That's why...I haven't been myself for a while. After Tirek was defeated, I've been looking over my shoulder, looking out for any of his cultists."

"We don't know that," Applejack interjected. "So forgive us if we sound a little hostile to ya. Equestria nearly bit the big one because of that two-horned monster and I'm not too keen on just believing one of his followers! Twilight can't we just blast this varmint and search the town for others? MY LITTLE SISTER IS WALKING AROUND IN THE SAME TOWN AS THEM!"

"Unwilling follower!" Red insisted.

"That, unfortunately, makes this even worse," Twilight replied. "We have no way of knowing whether or not your father placed some kind of observation spell or mind control on you. You and your wife are a clear present danger to the population until we discover otherwise."

"Everything makes sense now..." Ayers whispered.

"Come again?"

"All the raised voices, never knowing who my grandfather was, the kind of money that Canterlot nobility put on their toasts every morning, none of it added up," he said aloud.

Everyone watched him in concern as he slowly stood up from his chair and began to pace around the room. Twilight went with her last question for Red Skillet before she was to carry out her judgment.

..."Did you help hide the body of Poinsettia Neighsan?" Twilight asked judgmentally.

"No. I never touched Poinsettia. She was nice to me. I tried to help her. I wish I could have..."

Twilight stared into his eyes and Red only looked back, crushed. She didn't have the kinds of senses that the other princesses had, but she had fairly good instincts after learning from the Princess all these years.

"Alright..." she conceded. "I believe you this time. RAINBOW!"

The multicolored pegasus burst in through the doors with her hooves held up like fists ready for action.

"What do?" Rainbow asked in a salute.

"Take the both of them to the train station girls," Twilight commanded. "We don't want to keep Celestia waiting."

They did as she asked and grabbed each end of their bonds in their teeth as they hauled the two aging ponies out of the restaurant and into the streets. Before they left, the two old ponies looked back at Ayers with an apologetic look.

"I am truly sorry for being so stubborn with you son. I guess father rubbed off on me more than I care to admit. With all of my heart, I have wronged you. But you should know that your mother and I do love you. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday."

Leaving everyone behind in silence.

Gordon could feel himself breathe a sigh of relief but still found himself terrified at the idea that there could be a terrorist organization hiding nearby. Twilight went over to Gordon and hugged him.

"I'm sorry Gordon. This is a disaster. I was just hoping you would help us fix a national sanitation and enterprising crisis, not getting hurt by our criminals and become a potential victim of our supervillains. I feel personally responsible for putting you in harm's way."

"I don't blame you Twilight, I'm quite used to it. I've had guns pointed at my face a few times in my life, the human encouraged. "I'm not a hero, or a warrior, or even a sorcerer, but I'm happy to help however little I can."

"Thank you, Gordon. I appreciate that. Still, as Princess, I will try harder than ever to make sure no harm comes to you while you live here."

Gordon looked back at Ayers and Clementine, the former of which was slumped back into his booth seat trying as hard as he could to process the last few minutes. He looked like he had his heart ripped out of his chest and Gordon could tell that it was all downhill for the colt if he didn't do anything.

"Now that the immediate threat to our safety has been dealt with, I think I can finish this week on a more pleasant note," Gordon stated to everyone. "That is if all of you are up for it. We need to draw a line in the sand, forgive, and move forward. Especially if there's a chance your parents are completely innocent. Regardless of what happens, the most important thing is family and you need that stable foundation Ayers. Now that we are free though, you have to take the reigns now. You're a man--er, stallion. It must be you that takes back control of your life and your business. Don't let your father's mistakes ruin your life."

Twilight giggled a little at Gordon's gaffe but said nothing.

"He's right Ayers. I know things may seem a little less than ideal right now, but we need to focus on something positive while we wait for the news. Getting your restaurant back on track is a good way to do that. I may not always have time to visit here, but this will always be one of my favorite places to eat in Ponyville," Twilight said.

Ayers smiled slightly as his tears began to subside somewhat.

"I'll try your Maj--Twilight. I promise I'll try."

"That's all we are asking for."

Clementine hugged and supported her colt friend, encouraging him to move on.

"There's no question in my mind that this day should have happened a long time ago, Clementine verbalized with certainty. "Nowhere to go but up from here."

Now that the duo had gotten the confession, there was nothing else Twilight and Gordon could do but wait. Twilight had the rest of the girls gather some ponies they could trust and discreetly search the town for any suspicious-looking characters. So Gordon did the job he was tasked to do and pulled Ayers into the kitchen to teach him the correct way how to cook. He gathered their staff and everyone piled into the kitchen, mesmerized with the way Gordon zipped around the kitchen and pulled seemingly random ingredients off the shelves. Sometimes he would smell them and shake his head, and other times he would nod pleasingly and place them down onto the counter. He grabbed a bowl, a decently sharp knife out of his coat, and went to work.

"So, we'll go through and train, ok? So we all know how to cook a proper veggie burger. Even though I don't specialize in that subgenre, I am familiar with successful recipes." Gordon explained. "We'll do some good black bean burgers which will be your new classic for the town. I'll make a real burger from Earth for you later Miss Sparkle."

"Oh, I'll try but I can't promise I won't lose my lunch," Twilight giggled sheepishly.

Ayers in particular was completely enthralled in the human's process and was taking more mental notes than Twilight was. It was cathartic to watch someone competent in his field doing what he loves after the intense stress the day was throwing at them.

"First off, we are celebrating the mushrooms here," Gordon said showing the bowl of mushrooms he had gathered together from around the kitchen. "These were going to waste and you had a lot of them, so we are going to use them properly. "Oyster, Some big Portabello, Shiitake, Maitake, Beech, Button, and Cremini. It was like that on Earth, but I would assume Farmer's markets here have a good selection of mushrooms for you to pick from. You can mix and match any combination you want.

Twilight was confused for a moment when he dipped the blade into some water but watched as Gordon continued. He grabbed the Portobello and button mushrooms, a big red onion nearby, and rapid-fire chopped them until they were fine. The mixture was turning into a coarse pate consistency which suited his needs perfectly. Since using a food processor was out of the question, he would have to be thorough. Grabbing the salt, pepper, and ground coriander, he seasoned them to perfection.

"Then we put all of that mixture into a bowl with some black beans, and beat it thoroughly," he continued. "The black beans have a rich flavor and will be a good binder for the burger alongside the next ingredient."

Grabbing the bowl, with the back end of his knife, he pushed the mixture off of the cutting board and began vigorously beating in the black beans. He then grabbed a loaf of rye bread in a nearby basket and soaked it in water before dicing it and beating it into the mixture. The process was long and arduous, working his arms until they were sore but he managed.

"Last but not least, a good three ounces of bread. which is the second binding agent."

He mixed everything and then put the globby mix onto a baking sheet before forming out a good dozen burgers.

"I feel like I'm learning a lot watching Chef Ramsay. It's amazing what he does." Ayers beamed.

Gordon placed all of the burgers onto the hot grill, listening to them sizzle and sputter. The fire underneath was nice and hot, but not too hot to burn the outside. He demonstrated the pate's specific colors, which determined if the burger was rare, medium, or well-done. Hammering it into their memories so they would not forget it any time soon.

"First off, a little season of salt, then a light brush of oil, sear it for fifteen minutes, and then assemble it," Gordon instructed.

Grabbing a nice head of Row Mane lettuce, the rest of the red onions, a couple of dill pickle chips, big, juicy tomatoes, and a slice of nice asiago cheese with a thousand island sauce, he assembled twelve burgers and stuck toothpicks with cherry tomatoes through their toasted buns to keep them from falling apart.

"And there we are, delicate little black bean burgers."

"Mmmm!" Twilight sounded.

"Tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy flavor," Gordon said.

"Steamy..."

"All combined with fluffy toasted brioche buns and lightly glazed with olive oil."

Twilight felt something snap in her as her wings went 'POMF'.

"YES! YES!! YES!!!! COME TO MAMA!" she shrieked as she leaped at Gordon to get her precious burgers.

"HOLY SHIT!" the man swore as he side-stepped with the tray.

Twilight missed her mark and comedically smashed face-first into the oven.

"Calm the fuck down would you please Twilight? I'll make you a big batch later. Are you alright?"

"Ow..."

After a draining few days, Gordon has Twilight gather some construction crews at the behest of the Mayor. If the next day is going to improve Burger Princess Shack's reputation, they need a fresh public face for the restaurant. Applejack and Rainbow Dash return from their duties to help with the renovations and reworking of the restaurant. An hour after dusk, the last train bound for Ponyville arrives at the station and an unusual group pours out, heading straight for the reconstruction site. Twilight is the first to spot them as she waves them over and they come closer. When Gordon sees them step out into the light, they appear to be more royal guards, but he hadn't seen an unusual batch before. Dark fur and manes with slitted irises, pointy ears, and batlike wings. Blue and Silver armor adorned their bodies, giving Gordon a clue as to who they worked for. The guards bowed to Twilight who greeted them graciously.

"We have arrived your majesty," one said. "We were told to help thou and the human known as Gordon Ramsay."

Gordon stepped forward and shook the main guard's hoof firmly. The guard smiled lightly and returned the gesture gladly.

"Our lady wished us to assist you with anything you may need tonight," another said. "She wished for her "potential prospect" to receive all the special treatment and assistance he may require."

"Potential prospect?" Gordon and Twilight asked in unison.

"We shall say no more! Make haste squad and get to work!" the commander bat pony barked.

They all scattered as each of them hammered in nails, hauled lumber, painted the walls, and did other odd jobs. Twilight and Gordon felt confused like there was something obvious they were missing from the odd conversation that had just occurred.

"Oh well, it's probably just the Princess being weird again."

"Weird doesn't even cover, you ponies," Gordon quipped.

Twilight smacked him on the back of the leg good-naturedly before going back to work themselves.

The next morning, after a sleepless night of working, everyone meets back at the restaurant which seemingly hasn't changed all that much from the outside, except for a fresh coat of paint and a newly restored sign.

"Let's be honest," Twilight announced. "Yesterday, we clearly took a turn for the good."

"Absolutely," Gordon echoed. "Today is about saying goodbye to the past and opening a new chapter for your restaurant."

Once everyone stepped through the new glass double doors, Ayers and Clementine gasped in delight as they came into several pleasantly new sights. Gone were their old single-color walls, now replaced with chalkboards on one side, and a colorful mural depicting the many local foods Ponyville had to offer, many of which were Pinkie Pie's contributions.

No more depressing colors, now we have pop art. Hip, trendy, and eye-catching," Gordon explained. "Thanks to Miss Pie and Miss Rainbow from what I understand?"

"Aw thanks, Gordy!" the pink mare replied. "I have to be able to paint if I want to decorate cakes. Oooh! I wonder if I can make an edible painting? I gotta get right on that!"

"I didn't know you painted Rainbow?" Twilight asked.

"Cloud sculpting isn't too much different from moving paint around. It's kinda fun actually. I feel all high and airy," Rainbow breathed dreamily.

"Don't get high around me or my sister at least," Applejack joked.

"And now instead of the booths, we have something a bit easier for ponies to access," Twilight displayed. "Glossed aluminum benches powder coated.

Long benches sat at the main tables, giving more capacity to the restaurant and adding a chic, rustic feel.

"This is incredible!" Clementine mused.

"It's beautiful..." Ayers cried happily.

"The chalkboards over here are something we have in many diners, delis, and bistros back on earth. Old fashioned, but a fun interactive way to leave messages and allow the customers to put up their thoughts." Gordon explained.

Everypony noticed that the new tables were included with aluminum cups filled with thick sticks of chalk which the customers could use on the board if they wanted to.

"The atmosphere before was depressing and boring. Now everything is modernized to reflect this expanding town. Do you feel like you can bring your mare friends now Iris?"

The server pony nodded vigorously with a happy smile across her face.

"Absolutely," Iris replied. "This is a place I can feel proud to work at again."

Ayers and Clementine shed tears of joy and gladness as they hugged each other and thanked Twilight, Gordon, and the others a thousand times over.

"This place is incredible. I never would have imagined it looking like this. I used to hate this restaurant. Now it's so awesome!"

Gordon and Twilight quickly went into the kitchen and brought out ten trays filled with various new food items to add to the new menu to replace the odd Aboriginal food that Red had on the menu. Pinkie humorously placed a cover over Twilight's face to keep her from going crazy.

"Hey, I can control myself! What am I, an ostrich?"

"Probably for the best, because these will be on your new menu!"

He went down an assortment of hay fries, garlic, sweet hay fries, and salsa verde fries.

"Next up we have a Hard Cider Battered Onion Rings, with all thanks to the Apple Family for allowing us access to their reserves," Gordon displayed.

"Thank you kindly, Gordon. I'm glad our product was used in something darn good looking to eat," Applejack said with pride.

Then, he went through all of the different variations of the initial black bean burger he had come up with. Twilight helped him with the inspiration, based on various dishes and regions that were similar to the ones back on Earth. It certainly helped smooth things over in the transition.

"Most of all though, you have an opportunity to redeem yourselves tonight," Twilight explained. "Because we have personally invited the Neighers back, along with several journalists from nearby cities, including Canterlot to help you repair your reputation. We also have a personal announcement from Rarity here."

The alabaster unicorn stepped forward and brushed her bangs outwards dramatically for effect and daintily cleared her throat.

"I hope you appreciate the lengths I went to do this, it's not easy being me and schmoozing with the elite to come to Ponyville," she boasted.

Rainbow and AJ rolled their eyes at her, but glad she was soaking up the attention the way she was.

"I managed to convince my old friend Fancy Pants to take a trip down here to "explore and experience the rustic charm of our humble town." I love Ponyville and everyone here, but admittedly, even a Canterlot pony like Fancy Pants will be hard to please. So please, work hard everypony. Your success will in turn be mine as more clients flock to Ponyville."

"I guess not all of us can be completely altruistic," Rainbow snickered. "I bet you're just trying to get him away from Fleur long enough to steal him!"

Rainbow laughed until her gut hurt while Rarity's face turned as red as a tomato, going right through her fur and started chasing the pegasus around the room, cursing and throwing pelting her with pieces of food.

Everyone gasped in delight, hoping to make a good impression with the night to come. Gordon though had to remain calm and neutral and remind them what was at stake.

"There's no rehearsal here, this is your night Ayers. Get real, and get a grip," he warned firmly.

"Absolutely Chef, thank you."

Later that evening, ponies from all over the area had gathered into the restaurant, including the resident king of charm in Canterlot, Fancy Pants. After Rarity had calmed down enough, she took the time to meet him and his supermodel mare friend, Fleur De Lis. The server ponies, including Iris, were smiling, happy with their jobs for the first time in years. Finally glad that there was somepony competent leading them at the helm of the business. They all took orders at light speed and as soon as their VIP guests Fancy and Fleur arrived, all five mares prepared a separate table for them, filled with every amenity. A small vase filled with local fragrant wildflowers, ornate glass jars for condiments, instead of the bottles, tall glasses of champagne still bubbling and ready to accommodate them.

"It seems we are the special guests of the evening, my dear," Fancy Pants observed as many of the ponies greeted them respectfully. "I do hope we can see that delightfully different human chef again. A nice chap if I do say so myself."

Some stallions even took the time to kiss Fleur's hoof, gentle colt-like. She received their gestures politely and even winked in return, making them blush and begin to stutter and ramble to themselves nervously

"Everypony here is charming at least." Fleur giggled. "Your town and its people are quite welcoming Rarity, thank you for inviting us to this dinner event. We were craving something a bit different from our usual sustenance."

"Thank you, Fleur. It has its issues from time to time, but I love Ponyville, and I love seeing it grow and progress every day. It's my home after all." Rarity said happily. "I certainly hope Gordon and Twilight's efforts with this place were not unfruitful."

"We both hope to share in that sentiment, my friend. Just from what we saw coming up the main street, it seems this charming town has progressed rather rapidly. Princess Twilight has certainly done an excellent job here."

"It's a team effort," Rarity agreed.

"The fresh smells, the feeling of fresh grass beneath our hooves and little breezes were quite a refreshing change of pace," Fleur added. "The countryside certainly has its beauty. I am ashamed to have not seen it sooner. Perhaps we shall stay the night at the Castle if the Princess will have us."

"I'm sure I can butter her up enough to come to some kind of arrangement," she tittered playfully.

Rarity led them to their well-prepared table, which they were thoroughly impressed by. The dedication of the mare who waited on them humbled them and allowed them to relax even further.

"What do you recommend? I'm afraid we are quite unfamiliar with the hay burger crowd as it were."

"Perhaps try our new black bean burger with a freshly blended mix of gouda and asiago cheese, with fresh emerald cabbage, Early Bird giant tomato slices, house-made pickles, jammed onions, buttered and toasted brioche buns and served with a side of our best hoof cut parmesan hay fries." the server suggested.

Fleur's stomach growled at the description as she felt herself licking her lips hungrily. Fancy Pants laughed heartily at his wife's enthusiasm before taking a sip of the champagne they were served.

"I think we will take that thank you. A good starting point to test out the waters."

The servers bowed respectfully and left to give the order to the kitchen while Fleur and Fancy Pants basked in the atmosphere and ambiance of the restaurant.

Princess Luna's bat guards discreetly arrived in the back door, secretly keeping watch over the others as security. She was busy prying the dream realm for any traces of malicious activity tonight. They did not understand their lady's obsession for the human, but questioning her was the last thing on their minds.

Meanwhile, Gordon was overseeing the dinner service while his dutiful "student" Twilight was busy taking notes down in one of her thousands of journals. The influential journalists were piling into the restaurant faster than ever and their orders were being taken quickly. Soon, the entire serving line was wall to wall with orders and the cooks were working at blinding speeds to get them out on time. Gordon would get their attention or shout warnings to keep them on their toes.

"You're always aggressive with every chef like that?" Twilight asked nervously.

"Only with those who already should thoroughly know what they are doing. I've gotten a lot of criticism from people for my "attitude" unfortunately, but I've worked under chefs in my early years that busted my balls every day. In the workforce, you can't expect people to coddle you. Especially when you work with food. A million things can go wrong. Burning food, raw food, food allergies, moldy or stale product, accidents in the kitchen, countless diseases that are still in the food because you didn't cook it long enough, a chef taking far too long to cook something. That's only a few off the top of my head alone. Cooking is an uncaring art, science, and way of life. Get one thing wrong in the process and everything you do goes to shit."

"I suppose I can relate," Twilight pondered. "Ruling a country, in the same way, has millions of taxing risks and problems all the time. I suppose I understand why Celestia never coddled me either when I made mistakes."

The food left the kitchen at a steady pace, and so far the early reviews have been nothing but promising. Ayers had the kitchen running smoothly well into the late evening when the sun was starting to sink in the Western sky. Unfortunately, the last words his father told him before being hauled off left an impact on him. It was starting to impair his concentration. After all, how can you focus on something when you are essentially told that your own parents were likely involved in a plot to overthrow Equestria? That, unfortunately, drove his attention away from the burgers and the unsupervised food began making its way out to influential journalists.

He had wandered into the back corridor when Gordon entered the kitchen, just in time for the next orders to come up.

"Two Las Pegasus Naturals for Table 31," the chefs called out.

"Where's Daniel? He should really be here right now."

Outside, two journalists were already having issues with their food. Iris quickly trotted over when she saw that there was clearly a problem.

"Miss, we ordered our hay burgers to be medium-rare, these are too rare."

"I'll get those fixed up for you lovely folks," Iris sighed.

Iris rushed back into the kitchen and found Gordon there talking to the other chefs, hoping to get the human's help in dealing with their growing problem. Ayers dashed back in to find Gordon glaring at him in a disapproving manner.

"I'm sorry Chef Ramsay, I thought I should show you this," Iris interjected.

"What do you have there?"

Iris lifted up the bun with her magic to show Gordon the poor quality that had quickly come out of the kitchen, just after a couple of hours of doing so well. The pate was dripping wet and hardly cooked at all. It was scorched on the outside in fact, leaving it to look like a piece of wet garbage.

"Oh, come on guys. Look what you are doing to us! ITS RAW!!!!!! FUCK!!!!! SLOW DOWN AND KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME AYERS!"

"With my daily reports to the other princesses, I always check them dozens of times to keep control of their quality and clarity. I would imagine the same should apply to quality control of food." Twilight scolded. "You need to be in here Ayers."

"Your father may have been so dead set in his ways and contributed nothing but causing mayhem. But you are at the helm now. Everything goes through you. You are strong Ayers. I can see that what your Dad said is bothering you. But you can rise above it. All of that now is irrelevant!"

His balding head hung down shamefully before looking back up and nodding understandingly.

"Alright. I'm sorry..."

"It was really nice to know that both the Princess and Chef Ramsay believed in me. It woke up something I haven't felt in a long time. I hope this feeling sticks around because it's a good feeling." Ayers said. "He's right though. I have to take the reigns, That's the only way that this is going to work."

Ayers soon gained back control of the kitchen, orders are quickly making their way to the hungry customers. Including the VIP guests, Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis. They had already drank three glasses of champagne, just enjoying each other's company and meeting many new ponies that had passed by their table to greet tham.

The unicorns in question were enraptured by the dish they never had to pleasure to sink their teeth into. It was quite an alluring experience. They were impressed by the smell, combination of colors, and gloss on the bun and patty. Even their sides, the well-done hay fries had a wonderful golden brown color and a wonderful scent of peanut oil, and salt which Fleur herself secretly loved her salads drizzled in back home.

"I do say, these gourmet hay burgers are quite the artistic little sandwiches. Delightful portions as well. Why won't we take a bite and go on a new oral adventure dear?"

Rainbow could barely contain her laughter nearby at that comment.

"I agree. We mustn't disappoint the Princess by opposing. The smell is making my mouth just water, if you'll pardon me for saying so." the tall white unicorn agreed.

They grasped their burgers in their magical grip and gingerly bit down, taking a small piece of all bun, patty, and veggies. Suddenly, their eyes grew three sizes as their minds were transported to a higher plane of consciousness.

Floating through a cosmos of hay burgers and nebulas made of ketchup and mustard. Shooting burger stars and Ringed burger gas giants went by in an instant as they found themselves turning into burgers, floating back down to earth on a rainbow for miles upon miles until they entered their own mouths and basked in the ethereal flavors which had changed their lives forever.

They looked at each other, realizing where they were, and looked down at the food they were holding in front of their faces. Both began to tear up and then sob into each other's arms weeping with joy.

"ALL THE WASTED YEARS!" they cried in unison. "We must have more! We must have more! WE MUST HAVE MORE!!!"

The couple quickly wolfed down their burgers and lost their composures quickly, cackling madly for their newly discovered obsession. They barrelled their way through confused waitresses and into the kitchen where their feral instincts for their new favorite food were getting the better of their better judgment. Fancy and Fleur hounded at Gordon and Ayers for more burgers after they had eaten all of the prepared ones in the kitchen. The bat pony guards saw this as a threat and jumped into action.

"Have at thee you curs!" they bellowed as they leaped through the doors and into the kitchen.

A fight ensued, kicking up a comedic dustcloud of chaos which a fearful Ayers, a cursing Gordon and a flustered Twilight were unfortunate enough to get caught up in. Rainbow heard the commotion and jumped right in just for the heck of it, hoping to get in some action for the evening. Pinkie came in and cannonballed into the cloud with a 'whee!' and disappeared. Applejack, unable to stay away from a good brawl 'yeehawed' and charged in without thinking. Rarity and Fluttershy thankfully managed to stay far away from the hostilities as they looked on from a distance with mild concern. Cantrip spells, punches, kicks, bites, headbutts, and chest bumps to anything, and anyone made it an all-out battle royale to the finish.

The back door opened up and five robed ponies in hoods marched in the front doors, wearing amulets in the shape of centaurs. They kept trying to get the attention of the main crowd but were unable to over the constant noise.

"WE HAVE COME TO DELIVER THE RIGHTEOUS VENGEANCE OF MASTER TIREK!" they bellowed. "WE DEMAND PROPER RESPECT AND ATTENTION!"

They, unfortunately, got their wish as the cloud of chaos came their way and before they knew it, they were sailing across the horizon and disappeared into the distance.

After Twilight managed to calm everypony down and separate the brawl, the last orders were given to the ponies left and everyone either went home or to their lodgings. Fleur and Fancy apologized a thousand times to Twilight before they were confident enough to re-accept the offer to stay for the night at Twilight's Castle. The bat ponies stayed behind as penance and helped the gang clean up the mess their little brawl had made in the restaurant. Everypony gathered together in the main dining room for one last time, as Gordon and Twilight addressed them all.

"Despite...that little hiccup," Gordon grumbled, much to Twilight's amusement. "I hope your friends are feeling better now Miss Rarity, because that was quite the reaction to our food."

"Oh, I'm sure they'll work it out. Just give them a bit of time to themselves," the alabaster unicorn assured.

"Reminds me of the first time Rainbow tried my family's Zapp Apple Cider." AJ remarked slyly.

Rainbow felt herself huffing.

"Hey! I wasn't that bad!"

"Tonight was a step forward in the right direction. Let me tell you that. And Burger Princess Shack is back on its feet finally. This restaurant can work, but we cannot afford to go back to our old habits. The minute we do, we're screwed. Ayers has proven to me and Twilight that he has the capabilities of running this restaurant. He needs to be allowed to do that."

Everypony nodded and Clementine hugged and kissed Ayers right on the lips passionately. Ayers returned the gesture lovingly and nuzzled her.

Twilight was confused though when Gordon beckoned for Ayers to come to talk with them privately. All three of them went outside into the cool nighttime air of Ponyville, taking in the glowing full moon and the gentle street lamps of Ponyville's 2nd Street. She noticed Gordon now had a sad, solemn look on his face that she had not seen on her bipedal friend before. He was hurting inside from something. Very deeply.

"A few words of advice kid," Gordon said forcefully. "I hated my father. We had a very bad argument, and we never really recovered from it. I saw him occasionally off and on over the years, but I never forgave him for what he said to me. I held on to those bitter feelings and he in return did the same."

The purple alicorn's heart was welling up, feeling sorry for Gordon. It made her realize just how lucky she was to have a family that loved her and she loved in return. They had problems sure, but they never got in the way of the love for each other. Humans must hold grudges a lot easier than ponies did.

"My father died at 53. I didn't get the chance to fix things properly with him before he passed away. I regret that to this very day."

Ayers looked down blankly, staring at the grass and pawing at it thoughtfully. Wrapped up in his own little world.

"I'm so sorry Gordon...I didn't know."

She began to cry herself and buried her face into Gordon's white jacket, wrapping her hooves around his torso. The human didn't know what to do at first but quietly returned the hug before setting her back down.

"It's...fine Twilight. I eventually came to accept it."

He turned his attention back to Ayers.

"But that doesn't mean you have to." he finalized. "Ayers. I honestly don't think your parents are guilty of anything, but I could be wrong. You have to be ready for them to come back. Rest assured, I'm sure those crazy alicorns have concocted some kind of punishment for them already. You may never forget what your parents did to you, but you have to be the one to forgive them. That is the only way you can take back the power they stole from you. Be the bigger colt. You have to forgive them, and you have to move on. Love and Forgiveness will always be better than hatred."

"You should never be ashamed of where you come from Ayers," Twilight agreed. "Our family connections are what make us who we are. We cannot change them, but we can come to grips with them and do the best that we can as individuals to love and respect them."

"Don't forget, but forgive," Gordon repeated. "Ok?"

"It will be hard...but I think I can do that. Thanks..." Ayers replied

"Just know, if everyone else does not. I believe in you, Ayers."

"So do I," Twilight added. "I know you can make this place a success. Bring back and expand the hangout I used to adore."

The stallion began to feel wonderful feelings and tear up, knowing someone of Chef Ramsay and Twilight Sparkle's caliber was rooting for him every step of the way. He couldn't contain his emotions and wrapped them into a big hug which they accepted gladly.

Afterward, Ayers went back into the restaurant while the girls and Gordon's production team followed the duo out into the streets of Ponyville. Everyone talked amongst themselves, recounting the events of the past couple of days. Twilight though was walking closely, side by side with her new human friend, filled with a new sense of respect and love for him. She even could begin to understand his short temper for ignorance and mistakes a lot better. It was a refreshing, new perspective she was glad to have in her life.

"These Kitchen Nightmares in Equestria are the most exhausting I have ever done. Nothing on Earth ever came close to the headaches you ponies cause."

"Thirty disorganized menus certainly give me nightmares," Twilight shivered.

"Thank you though Twilight."

"For what?"

"You've put up with my personality and...quirks in stride and have already helped me a lot. I just wanted to say thanks for that."

She only shook her head and smiled back at him.

"You're my friend Gordon. My mate, if you like that word. While I may have been a little skeptical of you at first, you proved yourself a good person really quickly to all of us. I love learning from you every day and I look forward to learning more."

Gordon smiled back at her and rubbed her haunches with his left hand as they walked along.

Meanwhile, back at the Castle, Spike walked into one of the rooms to find two Noble ponies snoring in a pile of burger buns without a care in the world.

"OH COME ON! WHY DO I ALWAYS GET THE CRAZIES?" he wailed.

Next Time- Interlude: Interrogations, Zebras, Humans, and Newscasts

Author's Note

I'm back! Did you miss me? This story is back on my priorities and I'm gonna be creating chapters like crazy now, soon moving into another certain famous show of Gordon's. This finale was just a lot of fun for me to make. I hope you enjoy it.

Oh yeah guys, this was connected to something very real. The episode this arc was based on and the character Red Skillet is based on Allan Saffron, son of the very real Abe Saffron who was Australia's most notorious mobster up until 2006. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abe_Saffron

Hotel Hell Prologue: Drunk Griffons and Helpful Zebras

The broadcast was an instant success for Gordon and Equestria. Everyone on Earth now had a taste of what Equestria was like. Unfortunately, Twilight underestimated the level of human curiosity and greed. Thousands of news organizations around the world took what little information they had from the broadcast and what they saw of Ponyville, Twilight's Castle, and Canterlot, and came up with even more theories, speculations, and outlandish conclusions about her magical homeland. It was quite overwhelming to hear a large portion of the media completely missing the point of everything the broadcast was meant for.

Even most of the "late-night talk shows" she was introduced to had made odd and rather disrespectful jokes about her and her country. So much so that Twilight sent a message back to Equestria to triple the security around the emergence points of the portal. Many others understood and appreciated their gesture of goodwill which she was grateful for. She trusted the individual human person, but people were panicky, dangerous creatures who often made rash decisions based on fear and anger and she knew it.

Twilight and Gordon were sitting together, sifting through a large number of emails and calls his office was being bombarded with. Many of them from news organizations, political leaders, dignitaries, and corporations asking more and more questions. Of course, she couldn't answer everything at the moment. One particular offer for an interview from a man named Conan O' Brian seemed to suit her fancy. He appeared to be respectful for the most part and was refreshingly self-effacing. His studio sent over a few correspondences asking if she would like to visit and talk on their show at a later date. Smiling, she filed the letters into one of the multicolored "maybe" folders. Interested in the prospect, Gordon had told her mostly flattering things about this Conan and found him adequate.

"I suppose some things are common in every world," Twilight grumbled. "The press always wants to make outlandish claims, use what they claim to be sources and data that aren't backed up, and spout nonsense without knowing a thing about you. There was that time when the press tried forcing their idea on what would make my friends and I "better characters" I have no idea what they were talking about. Then Pinkie just told me it was just Hasbro abusing the very fans that give them money. Whatever that means. "

"Yeah, sorry about that Twilight," Gordon apologized. "That's why I've tried to avoid politics for years now. After serving food to the Prime Minister and President Putin, I've made it a point to stay out of everything publicly. It's not worth the hassle."

"At the very least, I can have a fun time if I have to do an interview here." she thought out loud.

Rainbow, Gilda, and the others meanwhile celebrated their success downstairs in the main dining room. Hell's Kitchen was normally a packed dinner-and-a-show establishment. Tonight, however the place was closed off for a private party for the Equestrians. Gordon's auxiliary staff prepared them a variety of vegetarian dishes which they all appreciated greatly. Accompanied by a wide assortment of desserts and alcoholic drinks that added to the delight of their dining experience. Gilda and Rainbow were getting into a precarious situation again, drinking away round after round of Gordon's hard cider on tap. While most of the food was being paid for by Gordon and the U.S government, the two tomboyish ladies were pushing their luck. Frothy liquid spilled down the sides of their mouths like waterfalls as they chugged down.

Rarity Goldie and Applejack were enjoying food ordered in from a local Japanese restaurant. The unique food was greatly appreciated by the trio. Goldie and Rarity gingerly ate each piece in one bite as proper for self-proclaimed ladies of distinction. Every time using a few small strips of pickled ginger to properly brush the fish with soy sauce. Applejack however was enjoying a hearty seafood Yakisoba fried noodles bowl with plenty of eggs. Pinkie and Fluttershy however were finding their way around extra-large veggie pizzas that Gordon's staff had an easier time making. It was quite a multi-variety feast. Spike, being as helpful as he was assisted the crew in cleaning the lobby before eating anything.

"Come on over Spike!" Pinkie trilled with a mouth full of cheese. "Don't be a party pooper!"

Rainbow only made a sound of agreement as she sputtered some alcohol out of her mouth.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Spike asked with concern.

"Ah, she'll pass out any second." Applejack assured. "I'll hang the dummy upside down in case she breathed in any of that cider. By the way, it ain't half bad! It's not my family's brew, but it's a solid 8 or 9."

Like clockwork, both the pegasus and the griffin hen finished their last stein of cider and simultaneously passed out, falling off of their chairs in opposite directions.

"Eh, I'll eat in a little bit," Spike replied. "It looks like you guys are a little busy."

"I'll set aside some of this delectable sushi and rice for you Spike," Rarity gleamed. "Our favorite drake needs to keep up his strength."

Spike blushed at the unicorn's praise, feeling his grip on the broom get tighter. Suddenly, he felt the aluminum start to cave as he looked down and saw he had made a claw-shaped dent in the handle. He suddenly noticed this and quickly hid the broom in a nearby closet.

"You know what? All of a sudden, I'm really hungry now. I think I'll take you up on that offer," Spike nervously shouted.

The dragon climbed onto the human-sized chair and with the unicorn's help, he grabbed ahold of a pair of chopsticks. Awkwardly handling them at first, but getting the hang of it after mimicking the mare.

The general manager working the night shift came out of the kitchen to check up on everypony. His hair was neatly jelled over and his neat black uniform was tucked in. The marble white buttons going down his shirt shone in the bright floodlights overhead.

"Are you ladies and gentlemen enjoying your meals?" he asked graciously.

"Quite," Rarity nodded. "The food on Earth is divine!"

"Absolutely!" Pinkie exclaimed. "I'll take fifteen dozen boxes of the same veggie pizza home please!"

"...What?" the manager asked.

"Fifteen dozen boxes to take home please!"

The manager looked confused for a moment until Pinkie pulled a few stacks of hundred dollar bills out of her mane and put them in his hand. His eyes stared down at the neat stacks with an empty expression.

"Where'd you get that Pinkie?" Spike asked worriedly.

"From the casino," she responded simply. "Those slots were really easy!"

The manager counted out the money quickly, flipping through each of the bills.

"That comes out to $5400. That...will certainly cover it," he replied before running into the back kitchen.

Pinkie held a big smile on her face as everyone else was horrified hearing the man barking language at the kitchen staff that only Gordon could have taught him. Sounds of people rushing around, plates crashing, and pots being tossed about echoed through the whole restaurant.

"Do you think they're gonna take long?" Pinkie asked the others innocently.

A few days later, after everypony once again had their fill of Las Vegas, the trip back to the portal emergence point took less time now that Twilight knew where it was. Both she and Gordon had made many preparations in the coming months, once they were to come back to Earth for a third time. This next time, however, they would be a little bit more confident and enthusiastic about dealing with the press. Gordon went back to London for a day to speak to his family face to face about everything that had happened. He certainly needed the closure. Twilight meanwhile had a fairly good idea on what to do next regarding their first Hotel Hell. There was certainly no small number of inns and hotels that had popped up in Ponyville since she first moved there a few years back.

The trip out to the desert was somewhat quieter this time, with Twilight creating an invisibility cloak around the car. She had insisted that it would prevent the paparazzi from following them. Everypony was all abuzz from the events of the past week. Gordon himself was considering something special.

'Twilight had been a pretty damn good host. I may be her friend, but she's still one of the leaders of a foreign country. Maybe I should ask the others to see if there's anything I can do just to show my appreciation,' he thought.

Twilight stopped once again at the flat spot of dirt in a clearing between dried-out bushes and cacti where the rocks had parted. She looked down and saw something halfway hidden in the dirt. Curious, she carefully extracted and brushed rocks and dirt from around the strange object.

"What did you find Twilight?" Applejack asked.

"Probably found a nerdy thing," Rainbow and Gilda said in unison.

"I'm not sure..."

She finally grabbed the object in her magical grasp which was about the size of a baseball. It was a strange-looking rock. Chipping away at pieces of the rock, the shards fell off revealing what looked to be a talon of some sort.

"It's a fossil!" she exclaimed with excitement. "I wonder what it belonged to?"

"There's a lot of those in the southwestern states. Mostly in the mountains and deserts." Gordon explained. "Impressive eyes Twilight."

"Do you think I can keep it?" Twilight asked.

"Don't know why you're asking me, I don't see why not," Gordon shrugged. "You like fossils?"

"I love them! I've collected any artifacts and fossils I've ever come across ever since I was a filly! I love preserving the past."

"She has a growing collection of those in her new study," Spike whispered over. "If you ever want to gift her with anything, books, scrolls, glasses, socks, magic, ancient artifacts of any kind, and fossils are definitely the ways to go."

"Hmmm..."

After pocketing the fossil, Twilight and the others gathered together as the alicorn ignited her horn into a bright field and cracked open the portal once again, allowing them to dive into the whipping, swirling boundaries of time and space.

Everyone popped back out on the other side, no worse for wear this time around. Gordon, Gilda, Goldie, and the other humans, however, still not used to interdimensional travel puked their guts into the nearest trash can.

"Damnit! How long is that gonna keep happening?" Gordon asked no one in particular.

"Rainbow couldn't stop heaving the first dozen times, now she's alright."

"Dozen? Aren't you guys only visiting Earth?" Gilda asked with her voice echoing around the aluminum can.

Twilight laughed sheepishly and rubbed her right foreleg, remembering an interdimensional encounter with a human red-suited speedster that reminded her of Rainbow Dash.

Everyone went home a few minutes after reacclimating to Equestria's atmosphere, heading in separate directions. It was still late morning, closing in on noon, which left Gordon with a bit of time left to work on finding his "present" to Twilight.

"Twilight darling? Is it alright if Spike and I just walk around town a bit? There's something I'd like his help with." Gordon asked politely.

She looked back at the two with a confused expression for a moment.

"Hm? His help? Why?"

Spike started to sweat and cough nervously, but he came up with a convincing half-truth.

"There's something we need to do for you that you don't know about. It's a surprise." Spike said.

"A surprise?"

"Yeah. We'll see you in a few hours," Spike said as he grabbed Gordon and ran off in a strange direction.

She watched them go and had an aching suspicion about where they were going.

"I really hope Spike isn't taking him into Everfree. I'd rather not risk the life of a human, let alone the life of my friend."

Spike led a confused Gordon to the edge of the Everfree Forest. The damp grass gently flexed under his feet as they walked off the beaten path and went down and over the few hills of a rolling meadow. The tree line was very noticeable for miles. An ominous mixture of dead rotting trees, a few old oak trees, and weeping willows that were bunched together like a wall for miles. It looked like the entrance to an entirely different place. Quite the contrast to this normally beautiful, flawless country Gordon had found himself in.

"Where are we?" Gordon asked.

"Some kind of swamp?" Jay guessed.

"This is the Everfree Forest. A pretty sketchy place but we've found a few paths that have made it slightly safer." Spike explained.

"Only slightly?"

"Yeah, it's still the most magically unstable place in Equestria, along with all the monsters, ancient artifacts, and the original Castle of the Two Sisters."

"Are you sure this is a good idea Spike? I'd rather just buy her something in town if it's going to be this much trouble." Gordon said.

"Don't worry," Spike said dismissively. "A friend of ours lives here just a half-mile in."

Gordon was a little hesitant, but he had plenty of experience with traversing dangerous terrain before.

"Fuck me," he whispered. "Alright, but let's be quick and be out before dark. I'd rather not be around when the nocturnal animals hunt about."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that much," Spike agreed. "Come on. Let's hurry up. Grab a few big sticks probably just in case."

Gordon, Jay, and the two other cameramen who accompanied them did just that as they looked around and found fallen branches that were girthy enough to serve as clubs. Just in case they ran into any wild animals. Spike shrugged as he guided them into the forest.

It was quite a unique opportunity to document a large amount of the local fauna and flora. Jay had figured he could sell the footage to many of the nature channels and universities back on Earth. With Twilight and Princess Celestia's permission of course. The walk for the most part was fairly uneventful, save for the occasional snake that slithered across the mossy, muddy path. Or the many sounds of crickets and frogs spread all about the forest. Sunlight crept through the trees now and then, but Gordon had a funny feeling that it wouldn't be like that for long.

Only a half-hour walk later, the group came into a fairly large grotto with a larger tree that created a clearing. The tree appeared to be a hollowed-out house. A small, well-built cobblestone path came up to where they were standing. It looked pretty new. Various strange gourds, bags, and bottles, hung down from the branches of the tree, swaying in the gentle breeze that blew through the forest now and then.

"Strange, but looks cozy enough," Gordon remarked.

Spike ran up to the door and gave it a few solid raps, hearing some shuffling inside before the door swung open. A mare vaguely resembling a zebra came out and immediately saw Spike, smiling at her. They hugged warmly.

"Spike my very sweet little friend! How nice of you to visit my home, coming around the path's bend!" the mare rhymed. "What, I say, can I do for you on this very fine day?"

"We need some help Zecora. This is Gordon Ramsay and his uh...companions," Spike said.

Zecora looked up quizzically and beamed at the humans waiting patiently behind the baby dragon.

"Oh, how grand! You must be the human band that arrived in Equestria!" she exclaimed.

Gordon thought the way she spoke was a little strange but he concluded that it was just a cultural oddity. He nodded down and shook her hoof gently. She reciprocated the gesture in kind.

"Chef Gordon Ramsay ma'am," he greeted. "These are my employees."

"A delight to meet you, Mr. Ramsay. It's not everyday foreign company from another world greets me."

Spike told Zecora about every strange thing that had happened since Gordon came to Equestria and explained their situation. The mare expressed her gratitude for Gordon assisting her new home in Equestria.

"Oh my, a gift for Twilight in the form of an ancient plant or bone? That is quite the task and you shall not go alone. There is a field just a few miles north, I shall accompany you to acquire a fossil henceforth."

"Thank you Miss Zecora. I hope it's not trouble," Gordon said. "Twilight has been quite kind and hospitable to me and my associates. I just wanted to see if I can do something nice for her as thanks. Especially after all the insanity of the past few weeks."

"A beautiful gesture of friendship. I approve. I am certain with your gift, she will be moved. Twilight is very dear to me as well, she has been like a student to me in some ways. I only hope she has been doing well as of late among strife's horrid haze."

"Yeah, the outbreak has been pretty bad in some parts of the country apparently and it's put Twilight under a lot of stress to keep it from coming to Ponyville," Spike said. "Every piece of food that's been entering town doesn't get in without her approval."

Zecora went back into her hut and came back out with a simple cloth pack that hung over her shoulder. She grabbed an oaken staff with a crook in it that was laid against the door frame. She led them around the hut and down another path which she explained to have cut out herself. The walk was silent with the occasional exchange of small talk about each other's worlds. When she heard Spike's stomach rumbling, she handed the boy a strangely colored bowl filled with a fruit paste that looked like yogurt. It was an adequate snack as they trudged through the humid forest.

Despite her odd mannerisms, Gordon started to rather like the zebra mare. She had a very humble home in a hazardous place, but he had known and loved people with even less and in even more hazardous circumstances. His stay in places like Vietnam and Cambodia came to mind.

Idly looking around, Gordon saw a small group of mushrooms under a large root just by the path. They had darker colored gills under the bells so he knew they were safe enough to eat. At least he hoped they were. Thinking about a pasta dish he could make for Twilight that evening, he called out to Zecora who looked back questioningly.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked.

"Would it be alright if I grabbed a few of the mushrooms on your property?" he asked.

She trotted over and looked to where he was pointing. Taking her stick, she uprooted the spot, dirt and all with the entire batch of mushrooms.

"Why of course Mr. Gordon! Take as much as you'd like. You have quite an eye for ingredients like I do. Just be careful and thoroughly wash the ones that smell of fresh guano." she said nonchalantly.

Gordon gave her a humorous look but shrugged and carefully placed them into a bag he had brought along with him.

Spike had finished the bowl of fruit paste Zecora had given him and was licking the rim.

"Guano? Why does that sound so familiar?" Spike asked.

"Bat droppings," Gordon replied.

"It's quite useful for pottery," Zecora beamed. "I often find piles of it under an oak tree!"

Spike all of a sudden felt sick and handed the bowl back to the zebra before moving his tongue around his mouth in a strange way. Now everything tasted funny. Spitting discreetly to remain polite to his friend.

"Yummy..." he said sarcastically.

Back in Ponyville, Twilight had found the perfect target for their next venture just a mile from the castle. An old hangout of her and Spike which had tripled in size in only a few years. The cafe Inn which Twilight and Spike often had lunch for the first few years in Ponyville. The Sunshine Inn and Cafe. The old owner Butter Mellow had moved away to be with his family in Manehatten while two of the Flower Sisters Rose and Daisy took ownership of it. Their first order of business was integrating their old floral shop into the ground floor which also was the lobby. Their other sister Lily Valley came on to be their receptionist and general manager of the flower shop and hotel. All the while building it up into a six-floor hotel right in the middle of town.

She sent a letter to the three Sisters, wanting to get the lowdown on what exactly was the problem with their hotel. Her experiences with the trio have been less than exemplary for years. Always knowing them to overreact, cry, or get angry at every little thing that didn't suit their fancy. She could only imagine how insane how her and Gordon's first Hotel Hell was going to pan out...

Next Time: Hotel Hell-The First In Ponyville part 1

Author's Note

A bit of calm, relaxed levity before we get back into the thick of it. Sorry for the delay. The fires here in Northern California have made things very dangerous, so I've been very distracted as of late. But I am confident I can get back into this.

Hotel Hell: The First in Ponyville part 1

Mucking around through the mud was not how Gordon imagined he would be spending his day, but to look for a nice gift for a friend made it worth it. Twilight was a sweet girl, a pony, yes, but a sweet girl nonetheless. Up to his elbows in sticky clay mud, he helped Spike and Zecora feel around for anything noteworthy. The zebra had told them that this clearing in the forest was a spot where she often found ancient bones, plants, and fossils of all kinds. It was once a bog but constant mudslides turned it into a mucky, muddy marsh that was somewhat safer to walk on. A few gaunt willows poked out of the mud with their sickly branches and leaves hanging over them like vines.

It had taken quite a while to find anything of note. Mostly just a lot of branches, rocks, and recent skeletons of unfortunate animals that had gotten stuck in the mud recently. Close to the edge of the mud field, Gordon found a mound of mud and twigs built into the shape of a nest. It sat on the hard ground just beyond the deep gooey mud. Zecora spot this as well and began looking frantically around.

"A cockatrice nest! We must make haste and a fossil to acquire before the owner of the nest turns us into statues and plays us like a lyre." Zecora said nervously as she tapped her forehooves.

"A cockatrice? That another creature here? I'm afraid my world mythology knowledge is a little rusty." Gordon wondered aloud.

"Chicken with red eyes, demon wings, and a lizard tail that can turn any pony into stone with its gaze. It's thankfully only a shell. Gorgons turn you completely into stone and could kill you. Thankfully those are found deeper into the southern edge of the forest near Dodge Canyon." Spike explained.

"They also produce their eggs rather quickly with no lag. Gordon, if you are quick, you could take the unfertilized ones and put them in a bag."

"Demon Chicken scrambled eggs?" Gordon laughed. "That would certainly be a first. But if Equestria has taught me anything is appearances can be deceiving. I'm glad I brought my survival knife."

He unbuttoned the large offensive tool from his belt just to be safe as he approached the messy mound of mud and sticks. Gordon dove his hands into the mess of a nest, feeling around for anything. A couple of times, a few sticks and what he suspected to be bones of little birds and rodents grazed his skin. Then, his knuckles bumped into a bundle of what felt like bulbous stones. He was elbow deep into the nest at this point and tried his best to pull each egg out as gently and quickly as possible. One by one he did so, reaching up to three dozen. The zebra tossed a sack his way she had tied around her staff which he took gladly and started carefully placing the eggs in.

Suddenly, Spike jerked out of the dirt and pulled a rather large skull out.

"Hey, guys! Found somethin--whoa! whoa! WHOA!" the drake exclaimed.

It was twice his size and he was stumbling back and forth in the mud just trying to keep it over his head. Zecora smiled and trotted over, placing a forehoof on the skull and helped him out of the mud. It seemed to be made of a glossy dark green gem which Spike recognized. It made his stomach growl loudly.

"Is this jade?"

"A jade tortoise! What a lucky break for us." Zecora nodded.

A loud shrieking call from the trees drew their attention as they found the owner of the nest frothing at the beak. Its gleaming red eyes exuded rage and anger at the intruders trespassing on its territory.

"Run for it!"

Everyone broke back towards Zecora's path as the Cockatrice gave chase. Gordon kept ahead with his long stride. Zecora and Spike were holding up the skull, having a harder time keeping up with the human. He flinched every time the eggs bounced and clacked against his backs, sounding and feeling more like a bag of rocks rather than a bag of eggs. Gordon could hear the dreadful cawing of the beast and the slapping of its claws over roots and rocks and leaves as it chased them towards Zecora's hut.

'Move, Move, Move, legs MOVE! Or I'm gonna be eaten by last month's chicken alfredo!' the human thought fearfully.

While galloping, Zecora bit at the neck of a potion bottle on her staff and ripped it from its leather bindings. Risking throwing out her neck, she tossed it backward with her mouth.

"Duck!" she cried.

Spike and Gordon simultaneously obeyed as the human barely dodged being hit with whatever the zebra had chucked.

He didn't look back as he heard a pained caw followed by the shattering of glass and a whooshing of air that sounded like a sudden gust of wind. The air smelled foul of rotten eggs and manure for a few seconds but quickly went away as they ran further and further away from their pursuer.

Meanwhile, Twilight had arrived at the building where the Flower Sisters' new hotel was supposed to be. Unfortunately, all the doors in front were locked. She jiggled the handle a few times with her magic to see if the door was just jammed and rusty. She thought for a moment about using a simple unlocking spell, but to her, that would be rude and trespassing.

"What the hay?" she exclaimed. "Rose? Daisy? Are you in there?"

She tried looking in the windows to see if she could see anyone. The cafe was closed and so was the door into the main lobby. It was the first time she had seen the inside of the new hotel. The lobby at the very least appeared rather stunning. It was in a Colonial design that dated back to the Classical Era after Nightmare Moon's first banishment. Light blue and yellow striped walls, most likely signifying the royal colors, an ornate carpet, and a modestly beautiful chandelier that was made from local gemstones. Twilight preferred to be inside the building looking at the interior design as opposed to being locked outside. Scanning the building all around, she circled over to Third Street where the hotel stretched outwards towards. Luckily, she found a back door facing the street with no signs or indication that it was there. It was encased in a small porch indented into the construction of the building.

Opening the heavy metal door, she came into a long, very dark hallway with absolutely no lighting. Twilight thought for a moment that she was in the wrong place.

"This feels more like the entrance to the castle dungeon," she thought out loud.

There was a single window on the left side of the hallway that let in a small amount of light but not nearly enough to see. Twilight ignited her horn to give her a bit more ample light to look around. The hallway was bathed in purple light as she chuckled painfully.

"Gordon's personality is starting to rub off on me. This is ridiculous!"

Suddenly, she tripped over something and somersaulted three times into the brick wall of the hallway, and headbutted herself. Brick and Mortar smashed into her horn and sent an immediate shriek of pain down her skull. The impact hit her horn and sent her back into darkness. She tried getting back up again and lit up her horn once more, but only managed to trip on something and fall facefirst into the floor, only exacerbating her pain.

"DANG IT!" she shouted. "SONUVA-"

She had to bite her tongue before saying that curse word her human friend often used in abundance.

The alicorn grumbled and scrambled to her hooves as she made her way to the other side of the hallway and opened the door, finally heading into the lobby. It was much cooler and more pretty from the inside. She found herself entering a side hallway beside a stairway. The side hallway lead into the main lobby where she found the service desk.

To make matters worse, she found a sign on the receptionist desk that said in bold lettering: Gone Home For Nap Time

She felt her eye twitch, and Twilight collapsed to the ground, whining once, groaning the second time, and then roaring in frustration the third.

"Okay. Gordon and I are gonna have a harsh word with those girls, right after I head back home..."

Her head was pounding and her horn was in a lot of pain. The biological apparatus was one of the most sensitive parts of the body and she felt constant pain. Not feeling up to meeting them at the moment, she counted on the message she sent to them earlier to have gotten to the trio. So she stumbled back outside and started the walk home. Wanting to do nothing but lay on her couch for a few hours.

When she arrived back at the castle, she found three familiar figures, dirty, covered in mud, and cut up in several places. At first, she thought she would have to break out her usual roster of defensive spells as they approached closer. Thankfully, she quickly recognized them after getting a better look at them. Gordon, Spike, and Zecora looked like they had just barely escaped some kind of savage beast. She put aside her discomfort for the moment to make sure they were alright.

"What happened?" she exclaimed with worry.

"Cockatrice like last time. I think it might have been the same one too," Spike rolled.

"One big cock tried to bite off mine but thankfully Zecora saved us," Gordon pointed with his thumb as he wheezed.

"His language aside, we were lucky to escape with our hides," the zebra agreed. "Though it was heavy to lift, for you, the three of us have a gift."

Gordon showed Twilight the skull hoisted on Spike and Zecora's backs respectively. The heavy object teetering dangerously up and down, risking falling off and hitting someone in the hoof or foot. Twilight felt the pain subside and her heart fill up warmly as they presented her with this gift.

"Just consider this a gift from the big guy, though it did take all of us to get it." Spike insisted with a forced smile.

"A Jade Tortoise Skull!" she exclaimed. "They haven't been seen in Equestria since before the three tribes united!"

"Glad you like it, why don't we bring this inside so we don't have to carry it anymore?" Gordon asked.

The other three nodded and he grabbed ahold with both hands while Twilight directed them inside and onto a bare spot in the Castle main living room. It was set down with a solid knock of rock on rock and the three muddy individuals collapsed to the floor in exhaustion. Twilight giggled at the sight and gave them all a big group hug.

"Thank you every pony! But you didn't have to go this far for me!" she insisted.

"I wanted to do something for you as thanks for dealing with my abrasive personality and making me feel welcome," Gordon replied. "I certainly thank Zecora and Spike for helping me out with that."

"Eh, no problem," Spike waved off and tiredly saluted. "Always glad to serve..."

"I as well my human friend, I was delighted to serve," Zecora added. "I only wish next time, away from death and danger we will swerve. "

Twilight helped them clean up and with a little insistence on Twilight's behalf, Zecora was to stay for the night to clean up and rest before returning home. The zebra while a little hesitant, was grateful for the offer, and admittedly curious about the alicorn's new abode. They got cleaned up while Twilight thoroughly cleaned off the giant skull, along with the mud the trio had tracked into the castle. They all took a rest on the couch, each holding an ice pack Twilight had passed out. Holding it in a place that caused them the most pain.

"Cockatrice's usually don't chase their prey that far," Twilight surmised. "You steal its eggs or something?"

"Yes actually," Gordon replied sheepishly.

At first, she thought about getting angry as she felt her jaw tighten, but thought against it, knowing that they worked hard to get something nice for her. She could give the human Scot a talking to later.

"Alright, why then?" she asked unamused as she rubbed her snout.

"Curiosity mostly," he admitted. "I have a small web show back on Earth called Scrambled. Using different cultures to make scrambled eggs differently all over the world. Might as well do the same here."

"I enjoy scrambled eggs myself, though unfertilized eggs are hard to come by," Zecora added. "For some, I often have to impose upon Fluttershy."

"He owes me a good meal for today. I scouted out our first hotel and they weren't even there Gordon. The front doors were locked and I had to go through the back!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Really? Wow, that's pretty bad already. I'll make some lunch and then let's head over there together."

Gordon agreed to his impromptu punishment by heading into the large castle kitchen down the hallway. Jay and the rest of Gordon's team finally caught up with the group back at the castle after spending the day off exploring around town. Jay was more than happy to record Gordon in the kitchen any time. The Scot took the eggs out of the bag gently and placed them into two big bowls. They almost overflowed from how huge they were. Still holding the ice packs on their heads, Twilight, Spike, and Zecora followed him into the kitchen to watch Gordon work.

Jay turned the camera on and gave Gordon the signal to go. The red light on the camera lit up, once again recording everything that was happening. Gordon beckoned the three to come over and started speaking into the camera.

"Welcome back to our web series Scrambled, its been a while, but this time, it's Scrambled with a difference because we are cooking in a Castle! Not just any castle though, we are coming to you from Equestria," Gordon said. "The owner of this castle being Princess Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight, not sure what to do, greeted the camera normally and gave a half-hearted wave, holding the ice pack against her horn with the other hoof.

"Uh, hi everyone! I'm uhhh, not at my best right now. So sorry!"

Zecora and Spike awkwardly greeted the camera as well.

"Today, for her lunch we are making special Equestrian Everfree Forest style scrambled eggs. But not Scrambled Eggs plural, all we will need are a scrambled egg singular!"

He grabbed one of the massive ivory white eggs from the bowl and showed it to the camera, displaying its impressive girth.

"Now this is an amazing Cockatrice egg, nasty little bugger. I thought Ostrich eggs were massive. These take the cake. Equivalent to about three and a half dozen eggs. By the way, my darling, are these safe to eat?" Gordon asked Zecora.

"They should be as long as they are not fertilized and yellow, or your stomachs won't be so tender and mellow..."

"They look white enough to me, so I'd say yes," Spike agreed.

Twilight gave Gordon a look and felt her irritation rise again momentarily.

"You grabbed these without knowing if they were safe to eat?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You should have seen my exploits in Cambodia," he replied. "Thought I'd take a chance. Everything else in this shit-crazy nation surprised me."

Gordon tapped the egg on the counter, demonstrating how thick the shells were.

"You wouldn't happen to have a saw on hand would you?"

Twilight giggled as Spike went off somewhere and ran back in with a hack saw he handed off to the human. He grabbed the saw and started to vigorously hack off one end of the egg as the others looked on with interest. Swearing under his breath, he tried to get the hacksaw to bite into the shell, with some difficulty. After a few seconds though, it went down, slicing through. He only cut off enough to let the yolks safely fall through without making too much of a mess.

"That's the hardest part done, now time to bring this beauty to a bowl first," he stated.

Grabbing one of the big bowls on the counter, he slowly poured the egg into the bowl, making a satisfying noise as it glooped out, like golden viscous molasses.

"I never thought to study the biology and anatomy of Everfree Forest creatures, but this is strangely tempting me to do so," Twilight said.

"And you think I only make decisions with my stomach," Spike teased.

"Jeez, that yolk is rich. Let's give that a little mix first."

Taking a spatula from a nearby drawer, Gordon began whipping away at the thick liquid for ten seconds. He then grabbed a smaller bowl filled with softened butter and scooped five tablespoons of butter into the eggs. Next, he vigorously beat the butter in until it was mixed thoroughly.

"Putting butter in before? I've never heard of that." Spike said.

"It helps hold the eggs together and just coat the pan, instead of sticking to it. Plus it adds to the texture and volume," Gordon explained. "Speaking of which, can you place a pan on the stove and heat it up Spike?"

"Aye, Aye!"

The little dragon went into a cupboard opposite of him and pulled out an extra large sized frying pan while Twilight and Zecora watched on. Setting it on one of the stove grates with a thunk, he grabbed some wood from the corner and threw it into the bottom of the stove. With a deep breath, he exhaled a bright green stream of flames, nearly scaring every human present out of their skins. Tiny flames erupted out of the stove as Spike adjusted the knobs accordingly, allowing the flame to shrink down to an acceptable height.

"Fuck! I keep forgetting you can do that," Gordon laughed. "That should definitely be just fine.

He went over and placed his hand far above the flame, feeling the raging inferno inside the metal box. He wrapped his hand in a nearby towl and drizzled a bit of olive oil in the pan before rubbing it all around. The metal shined from its new lubricaiton, ready for the next step. He was amazed by how seemingly simple, yet elaborate their appliances were. Ponies didn't have widespread electronics like humans, but they seemed to have more than made up for it with magic.

"Damn, that's hot. Thank you my boy, I ought to teach you a few things while I'm here."

Spike preened at the praise and raised his head high, standing at the ready for anything else he was needed for.

"Anything to keep him from causing trouble, I'm all for," Twilight giggled. "So what's next Gordon?"

"I want to go thirty seconds on first. One minute off, one minute on, one minute off."

He waited until the pan was thoroughly heated and then grabbed it with the towel he had gripped in his right hand while grabbing the egg bowl with his left. The egg went in and filled the whole pan up halfway, not leaving and room leftover.

"In she goes, and beautiful. The richness of this egg is just phenomenal. I have no doubt, this will satisfy all three of you just fine."

The trio watching all felt their stomachs start to growl as Gordon worked. The bits of butter sputtering in the mixture just made their mouths water like crazy. The human mixed it around for a minute before moving off to the side and grabbing some veggies from one of Twilight's special magically chilled pantries. He then grabbed a cutting board and a fresh clean knife.

"Some spring onions, a good bundle of cherry tomatoes, and nice red, yellow, and green chili peppers. Want one of every color to give the eggs a vibrant aroma."

To Twilight, it looked like Gordon was just flicking his knife at the veggies at lightning speed and they just so happened to be cut in the process. He was just that good and that fast.

"Now off the heat for a minute, and another solid mix."

He grabbed the pan once again with the towel and continued mixing with his spatula, making sure to scrape all sides and leave nothing to burn on the bottom.

"Butter is starting to properly melt. 42 eggs in this one Cockatrice egg. Incredible. I still have no idea why such a small little shit of a demon bird has eggs this fucking big."

"Their tail grows three times more than their bodies and helps them strike down prey. You were lucky that I was there and you did not end up like Twilight, who was petrified for a whole day," Zecora sternly reminded.

"Something Spike and I are VERY thankful for. You're expertise was lifesaving Zecora. I will find some way I can to pay you back for that, I assure you. Fuck Spike, that fire of yours is hot! Seriously hot!"

He placed the pan back onto the flame and stepped back to rest his hands. He hadn't shown it, but Spike's magical dragon fire was stacking up in heat faster and faster as time went on. The emerald green flames whipped and danced around frantically. It was rather mesmerizing. After the butter was fully incorporated, he grabbed the cutting board full of chopped chilis, scallions, and tomatoes and dropped them into the pan. For the last step, he just kept stirring and stirring until his arms were sore, making sure all the veggies were combined.

"Put the veggies in early to mix in the juices. The chilis will give it a nice heat while the scallions and tomatoes will cool down the flavor while also adding a sort of robust texture to the eggs. I know I keep mentioning the richness of these cockatrice eggs, which is amazing. The exciting thing for me is the yield and sheer volume of just one of these eggs is just fantastic."

Turning the flame down low, he looked around in the cupboard for a specific ingredient. He found a half-full carton of what looked like sour cream. Giving it a smell he nodded and brought it out.

"I didn't think you would have crème fraîche, but this sour cream should do the trick just fine. Just a little dollop will do."

"Crème fraîche? What's that?" Twilight asked. "Some kind of fancy ingredient?"

"Its a bit more popular in Europe and South Africa. Basically, a soured cream containing a bit more fat content and a little less sour then regular sour cream, but thankfully, yours will do perfectly. Just a dollop. It will cool them down and stop the eggs from overcooking. Then a bit of salt."

After a few final shakes and stirs, the eggs were finally done. They had taken on a very faint, light yellow color along with the gorgeous fresh greens, reds, and yellows the veggies had brought to the dish. Gordon grabbed three plates, quickly toasted some bread over the flame, and cut up some strawberries, neatly placing them on the plates before finally serving the scrambled eggs. He set them on the counter by the trio and placed cloth napkins and utensils down beside each of them.

"Your lunch is served my friends, I hope they are to your liking, and I hope this serves as a decent penitence."

"Why thank you Gordon," Twilight said daintily. "I will take you up on your kind gesture of generosity."

"You are quite kind Gordon," Zecora thanked. "I am certain I will be in a much greater mood, right after I devour your very delectable smelling food."

Everyone ate their fill while Gordon just sat back and relaxed. Afterward, Twilight showed Zecora to a nearby guest room where she could stay for the night. The zebra was reluctant to stay in the castle, but with much insistence on Twilight's part, Zecora relented. The alicorn then took a small nap to restore her horn to full accessibility before heading back out.

Gordon cleaned himself up, gathered a small rolling suitcase together, and put on nicer clothes before following Twilight back to the Sunshine Hotel and Cafe. It was about mid-afternoon by the time they made it to the hotel. Jay and the others set up a brand new recording for their first episode by filming Twilight and her human friend walking down 2nd street. The alicorn was having a hard time getting used to Gordon's performance talking, speaking into the camera which she hadn't gotten the knack of just yet. Jay had given her some pointers on the finer things of show business and how she should act. Having a different way to act "normal" in front of a black box was an odd concept, but she was more than willing to learn.

"We're coming to you from Ponyville once again," Gordon announced to the camera. Amazing and beautiful as always. Incredibly flat! Tulips and flowers everywhere, little farmhouses, and cute little stores. It's like Holland! I have my partner here in Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle on our next excursion and the first episode of Hotel Hell: Equestria."

"I'm glad to be here Gordon. I have an interesting project for us to tackle next," she replied.

Twilight looked at Jay behind the camera hopefully who gave her the thumbs up.

"Is that a little girl blowing on a pipe?" Gordon asked randomly. "Is that legal here?"

The alicorn, not sure if she heard Gordon correctly whipped her head in the direction Gordon was looking and saw Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom blowing what looked to be colored smoke up and out of a drainpipe. She just laughed and shook her head.

"They'll be fine," she brushed off.

Finally, reaching the hotel, Gordon looked up and was perplexed by the odd design. A five-story hotel that still looked like it was built in the middle ages with pastel paint had its own fair share of hazards to worry about. A roof comprised of hay and exposed wooden framing that did not look stable at all. The cafe that is normally opened up across two streets was locked up shut. The tables and chairs usually occupied every day were now empty. Thankfully, with a princess's resources, he was sure that could be dealt with later. He tried going up to the main door to head inside, but Twilight cleared her throat to get his attention.

"Ah, yeah forgot the front entrance is closed for some fucking reason."

"The back entrance is this way," she directed. "Do you have flashlights? I'd rather not trip over something again in there."

One of the cameramen pulled six flashlights out of his backpack and handed one to Gordon who took it gladly. Around to the other side, Twilight opened the backdoor into the hotel and into the dark corridor with her horn light on full blast. Gordon, apprehensively followed her in with the others following suit.

"This looks like the entrance to a fucking prison, not a hotel!" he remarked. "Its like a dungeon."

"Glad I'm not the only one who thinks that," Twilight replied.

Making their way out of the dark more safely this time, Twilight led them to the lobby where she failed to find anyone last time. At the back of her head, she was thinking if she didn't find the Flower Sisters this time, she would turn the Hotel upside down until she did. Thankfully, her prayers were answered this time as a neon pink earth pony mare with a blonde mane came around the corner. She look like she had seen better days as noticeable bags hung under her eyes and her mane was somewhat messed up. She wore a neatly fit waitress outfit that looked misplaced on her.

"Hello there! How are you?" Gordon greeted.

"Hi Lily, it's been a while," Twilight said.

"Princess Twilight! And you must be Gordon!" she replied.

The pony in question was Lily Valley, the third of the Flower Sisters who was their impromptu leader most of the time. Twilight's first meeting with her and her sisters was less than exemplary as she kept fainting at the most insignificant things possible. However, she somehow seemed to be much tougher and much more confident than last time Twilight saw her. She half expected her sisters Daisy and Rose to be following close behind as an awkward silence permeated through the room.

"Are you here working alone?" Twilight asked.

"Today I am yes," Lily sighed. "Let me help you all check-in."

She went behind the counter and began writing out paperwork.

"It was a bit intimidating seeing the human celebrity of Equestria for the first time. I hope I don't blow this," Lily told the interviewer.

"Does anyone work in reception?" Gordon followed up.

"Me."

"So you're the server and you run the front desk?"

The mare only smiled and nodded absent-mindedly. She helped them check-in before running off somewhere upstairs. Gordon heard stamping hooves and raised, panicky voices through the ceiling. Suddenly, two ponies came flying down the stairs and into the lobby.

Two more earth pony mares who were bubbly and smiling as they quickly curtseyed to Twilight and greeted Gordon warmly.

One was a dark pink mare with blue-green eyes and a light green mane while the other was a pale yellow mare with silvery blue eyes and a raspberry-colored mane. Twilight groaned inwardly as she immediately recognized the duo. They greeted each other, and Gordon was formally introduced to the other Flower Sisters, Rose and Daisy.

"So you're Sisters and you run the hotel? Lily up there I'm assuming is the multitasker around here? Server, Receptionist, Dishwasher?" Gordon guessed.

"She's actually our General Manager," Rose said.

"Really? General Manager, Receptionist, Head Waitress Cause she looks more like a busser," Twilight replied.

"We're not happy with her work here," Rose admitted. "Its really difficult to find ponies who are motivated to work here."

They were checked in and were given a room with a name that forced Twilight and Gordon to double-take. Twin mahogany doors with golden lettering across it that spelled, "Symphony of Romance."

"Our hotel's best room! The honeymoon suite!" Daisy wistfully swooned. "Many Couples from across Equestria come here often to relax and recoup on their vacations! I certainly hope the two of you enjoy your stay here!"

The duo looked at each other with faces of shock and awe, almost mentally screaming at each other how strange things had rapidly gone. Gordon tried pulling open the door, but much to his odd delight and confusion, the door wouldn't budge.

"What the hell?"

"Let me help with that," Twilight added.

She gripped the handles with her magic and gave it a solid tug. Her strength did the trick as the doors finally gave way. Unfortunately, they were unaware of what was on the other side of the doors. A flood of botany, flowers, leaves, and vines exploded out of the room like a tidal wave and knocked everypony onto their backsides. Whatever the camera had captured was now covered up in flower petals. Twilight could already feel her anger start to build back up again as the duo screamed something familiar that made her die inside a little bit every time it was uttered.

"OUR FLOWERS! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!"

"Oh buck it all..."

Next Time: Hotel Hell- The First in Ponyville part 2

Hotel Hell: The First in Ponyville part 2

After clambering out of the flower pile-up, Twilight helped organize and teleport Rose and Daisy's flowers back into proper bunches. Separated by color, name, breed, and combination, she followed Daisy back downstairs where she was able to place them in proper containers. Thankfully, they had plenty of vases and flowerpots filled with water to use. The two Flower Sisters, excluding their busy third sister Lily, were quite pleased with the help. When the mess was cleaned up, she went straight back up to Gordon, to see if the honeymoon suite was otherwise adequate. The Symphony of Romance, as mortifying the name was, she supposed was rather marketable. Providing that it actually lived up to it.

"Shall we go in now?" Gordon suggested.

"Yes, let's," Twilight agreed. "Rose, Daisy. Why was that room packed full of flowers?"

"We heard lovers put flower petals all over the room!" Rose replied. "Doesn't that sound romantic?"

The mares dramatically swooned dreamily at the thought, weirding the hell out of Gordon.

"We wanted to take that up to eleven!"

"So...you put that many flowers, WHOLE flowers with the stems still attached," Gordon tried to reason. "Among them are Roses that have sharp thorns, that could hurt ponies, and cause a liability for you?"

The duo of Sisters laughed awkwardly like they didn't think about that. Gordon and Twilight just groaned and opened the door once again to get a look at the room.

When they entered the room, it certainly was nothing that they were expecting. The first thing that caught Gordon's attention was a wide blackened burn mark seared into the ceiling. Gordon was taken aback by this, wondering if some kind of fight had taken place. Ponies could cause some damage when angry, especially unicorns. So he had heard anyway. The rest of the room appeared to be bland but decent. Stale cracked wallpaper with ugly flower patterns, a twin-sized bed with grey sheets that looked too small for two adult-sized ponies, and a dirty carpet. Dust was caked in many places.

A small hot tub sat on the far left side of the room shoved into everything else without its own curtain. There was what looked like a wine cabinet on the window side of the room that smelled of mold.

A strange smell of iron and burnt popcorn floated through the whole room When Gordon looked at Twilight, her face was deep red and she was sweating like she was embarrassed about something.

"Your highness? What seems to be the problem?" Roseluck asked.

"Twilight, is there something wrong? Other than the obvious things." Gordon asked.

Twilight jerked her head over to him with her eyes shrunken down to pinpricks and beckoned him to lean down. He acquiesced to her request as she whispered something into his ear. After only ten seconds, he reeled back in revulsion at what she told him.

"That's certainly not the first time I've ever heard of an explosive...reaction to illicit debaucherous activities," he muttered with disgust. "Though not from the forehead..."

He just stared in horror at the smoldering hole in the ceiling, desperately trying to bleach the disturbing thought from his brain. He grabbed a pair of latex gloves from out of his pocket and slipped them on with a snap. Not wanting to accidentally touch anything.

"WHAT???" Rose and Daisy exclaimed in horror.

They got a better look and made "oh" faces like they made a huge oversight with something obvious. Fainting dramatically with embarrassment was the first reaction as they passed out for a few seconds before jumping back onto their hooves. Gordon metaphorically cringed himself into an atom watching the melodrama. They turned back to Gordon and Twilight and bowed multiple times in apology.

"We are SO sorry. We didn't realize it had gotten this bad. The last couple from Manehatten that used this room didn't say anything!

"Don't you usually clean rooms...after someone checks out of a room?" Gordon rhetorically posed in a deliberate fashion.

The two mares just stood there staring at him with blank expressions. Causing the duo to groan in frustration.

"At that, I think it's finally time we got down to brass tacks about how things work around here," Twilight stated. "What do you two do here as owners?"

"I do the bookkeeping and I do the front desk in the evening," Rose said. "There was one day Princess, where I had to pony the dining room and the front desk at the same time. Paper cup and string microphones are a little hard to manage."

"Where was your sister Miss Daisy during all of that? Shouldn't she be there to help if the business is getting that backed up?"

"I think she was in Detrot." Rose replied.

The human chef visibly tried to restrain himself from face-palming himself.

'Detrot, of course, there's a fucking Detrot here...' Gordon inwardly groaned.

"Detrot? What were you doing in Detrot right after buying Butter Mellow's building?"

"I needed some time to myself your highness to think over a few things and deal with my emotions," Daisy said.

"So, you took a few weeks to yourself. What happened next?"

The two sisters looked at each other with vaguely scared faces.

"She wasn't gone for a few weeks, she was gone for a few months."

"After being open for only a very short time?" Twilight exclaimed.

Daisy went into an irritating rant about how she had no idea what her role was at the Hotel. Even though being an owner usually made that answer self-explanatory. Gordon went on to ask the both of them had ever stayed the night at the hotel. They said yes, but only once and then never again. Shaking her head, Twilight asked them to direct them to the room that they did stay in. To which they obeyed and led them down the hall. Unfortunately, the room they found was no better off than the last one.

Dirty drapes, a carpet that smelled of cat pee, and dust everywhere. The headrest of the bed in this particular room was all scuffed up like it had been bought at a thrift store. Twilight spotted a few hoof-sized holes in the walls which were spaced out like somepony was violently bucking at something. Or someone.

"Why is this place in such a horrible state girls?" Twilight asked sternly.

"I second that."

"We have a huge problem with our staff disrespecting us," Rose explained. "Rudeness, unprofessionalism, and we are constantly repeating ourselves every day!"

Gordon just looked at them with anger. He knew there was something obvious they were not telling him and Twilight. He would just have to wait until after he evaluated the Café Twilight spoke so highly about.

They walked back outside where Ponyville Sunshine Café was finally opening back up again. Lily was unlocking its doors and setting up the tables as fast as she could. Gordon looked concerned, seeing how much she was dashing about and sweating like mad. A broomstick was clasped between her teeth and sticking out both sides. From time to time, she would find a spot on the ground and violently sweep away a storm of dust and dirt. Lily absent-mindedly pulled out chairs for the two to sit down at, who accepted the offer. They tried to thank her, but she dashed off to something else before they could get a word in.

Meanwhile, Twilight and Gordon took the time to converse with each other. Gordon, being respectful, mostly allowed Twilight full reign of the conversation. The mare recalled some of her earliest friendship lessons that began at that café. The Scotsman always liked listening to his royal alicorn friend. Some of her stories he found rather amusing.

"So all of that over a ticket to some fancy ball? Sounds like it was more trouble than it was worth. I'm not usually one for posh mingling with authority figures. Though I have done it a lot in the past for necessity," Gordon recounted.

"It gave me valuable experience in sharing my blessings with others and at the end of it all, it wasn't so bad," she replied. "I love my friends and I wanted to help all of them."

Gordon looked out to the view of Ponyville from where they were sitting, which was rather breathtaking. It never occurred to him before, but Ponyville looked a lot like an Irish countryside village. Small, rustic, homey, with a fresh inviting atmosphere. Bright green grass, the smell of crisp apples, and warm baked sweets in the air. Flowers of all colors of the rainbow blooming and growing everywhere. Happy ponies going about their day and selling their wares.

He was perplexed as to how anyone could mess up prime property like this. A family or a couple having a romantic lunch or dinner under the golden sunlight with the breeze gently blowing over the rooftops and through their hair. This was certainly going to be an interesting first project for Hotel Hell in Equestria. If anyone was up to the task, it was him and Twilight.

A pasty white pegasus mare with squared glasses and two pearl earrings walked tiredly up to the table with menus and set up their table. Her mane was tied up neatly into a short cut ponytail with a black band holding it down.

"Hi there! I haven't seen you around before." Twilight greeted. "What's your name?"

"Thimbleweed, your majesty," the mare bowed respectfully. "It's an honor to finally meet and serve you."

She looked just as tired as Lily was, bags under her large silvery eyes and a gait that looked like she had seen much better days. Turning to Gordon, she greeted him kindly as well, trying her best to keep up spirits.

"Did you move here recently?" Gordon asked.

"Yes, just a few months ago," she replied with a stifled yawn. "I've loved being in Ponyville.

She coughed and tried rubbing the sleepiness out of her eyes temporarily.

"At the Hotel, not so much huh? Sorry about that," he added.

She just laughed grimly.

"What would you two like to start with?" Thimbleweed asked. "Would you like appetizers first?"

Gordon looked down at the massive menu with over a hundred items on it. He looked to the appetizer section and saw a familiar classic. Twilight scanned through it and seemed bewildered. This was certainly not Butter Mellow's café where she loved to get Daffodil Sandwiches.

"I'll try the Broccoli Cauliflower Soup."

Twilight groaned and folded the menu back up, deciding to follow Gordon's lead.

"I think I'll do that too."

"And the entree?"

Gordon quickly scanned the menu and saw an interesting option. Twice Fried Cucumbers and Chips. Not entirely alien to him as he had heard of stranger things to deep fry.

"I'll do the Cucumbers and Chips."

"I'll go my standard Daffodil sandwich," Twilight said.

She wrote down their orders while the two of them marveled at the sheer size of the menu. When they asked, they found out that the kitchen only had two pony chefs on hand to maintain a menu with over a hundred items. Thimbleweed visibly lamented how they have been unable to keep up standards in the kitchen since their five other kitchen staff left for jobs in the Crystal Empire.

Lily came dashing back out, trying to make everything nice and tidy while juggling a dozen other tasks at once. It was rather upsetting for Twilight to see her like this.

"Are you alright Lily?" Twilight asked.

"You seem awfully busy," Gordon remarked gently. "You've been running around like a little gazelle!"

"Can you come over here? We need to talk."

Looking like someone had just killed her puppy, Lily drudged over to the table in a slow sickly gait.

"What happened Lily? Why are you here instead of running your Flower Shop? Twilight asked.

"I ask myself the same question everyday princess," Lily replied tiredly. "Selling our flowers is just a side thing now in the cafe. Among a lot of other things, being the general manager and all."

"No offense, but you don't work or look like a general manager," Gordon said.

"That obvious huh? Probably because I'm not really anymore."

Twilight wrinkled her brow, not liking the answer.

'What? Why? Don't tell me you got into a fight with Rose and Daisy, Lily..."

She shook her head and explained how after they bought the hotel and her sisters became the owners, they started acting worse and worse. Despite never wanting to be in the hotel business with her sisters, she was roped into being the general manager anyway. Added with a lack of organization and efficient work strategies, Lily was forced to tackle 60 percent of the hotel's tasks on a daily basis.

Twilight pulled out her notebook and a quill and began writing down everything.

"So what was different about your sisters Lily? This has gone beyond just bad business management. This is a class 3 friendship problem."

Lily looked angry and very reluctant to say anything, but Twilight was firm and a strong glare opened her up quickly.

"Daisy became more neurotic and cry foal ish than normal and Rose, I don't know. Rose is rarely here, but if today has been any indication, there's obviously something she's been hiding. All I know for certain, is both of them have been picking on me and the rest of the staff here. "

Twilight thanked her for the information and let her get back to work before the poor mare had a heart attack from stress.

"Gordon, we got to find out why Rose has been disappearing. That might be part of the problem here." Twilight surmised.

"Along with why the hell they took this hotel off that Butter Mellow fellow, to begin with." Gordon agreed. "Working as hard as she is and those sisters of her thinking SHE was the problem, I'd be pretty fucking pissed off too."

"I should probably give the Harmony Map a once over after all this. There have been quite a few friendship problems in Ponyville and Canterlot as of late and the Map hasn't been picking up on them.

"That map of yours is a little scary if I'm to be honest. It picks up on conflicts, arguments, and disputes anywhere around the world? I'd put something like that under lock and key. I can name quite a lot of unsavory characters who'd want to get their hands on that."

Twilight laughed nervously, remembering her climactic fight through time with her new student Starlight.

"Yeah, I'm working on that."

Just a few minutes later, their food immediately came starting with their appetizers. The Broccoli Cauliflower Soups. As it was placed down in front of them, the color and blackened little bits in it concerned them greatly. Gordon took a big whiff of it and immediately discovered the problem.

"Burnt and overcooked as shit.

They tried a spoonful but immediately regretted their decision as a mouthful of grit and burnt pieces of broccoli assaulted their taste buds like a gang of street hooligans. Twilight and Gordon managed to swallow down the soup but shivered in disgust at the horrible taste. Their main entrees didn't fare much better. When Gordon had his Cucumber and Chips delivered, the fried cucumbers were as hard as a rock.

Twilight's daffodil sandwich was heartbreaking. The daffodils tasted a few days old, and the bread was obviously stale. The Neightalian Vinaigrette she always had on it tasted sour and gone off this time. She discreetly spat it into her napkin as she placed the disappointing sandwich back onto her plate.

"I think it's time we consult with the chef Twilight, wouldn't you agree?"

"Oh yes, nopony is gonna mess up my favorite sandwich and get away with it without an explanation," Twilight grumbled.

"I'm very sorry, I'll take those off of your hooves," Thimbleweed apologized as she carried off the plates.

After she came back, Gordon asked a few more questions pertaining to Rose and Lily's new bad habits after buying the hotel and it was a lot worse than Twilight had feared. Sleeping in until 3 in the afternoon, keeping their bar open 24/7, blasting loud fancy music from their rooms every night, and keeping up the other guests. Daisy crying and overreacting to every little thing.

Thimbleweed called the Chef, a pudgy brown and yellow earth pony mare named Dandy. She was cleaning up after Gordon and Twilight's orders with her only other kitchen member. A green pegasus with a purple mane named Juniper Berry. Juniper was mopping up a burnt pot of hay pasta she accidentally knocked over. Dandy just glumly trotted out, wanting any punishment to get over with quickly so she could get back to her job.

Along with Rose and Daisy who came out onto the main dining area outside shortly after. They fainted again after smelling the burnt food. Gordon once again found himself fuming at how annoying the mares were. Gordon and Twilight tried voicing their concerns about the food, but Daisy and Rose just acted dismissive of everything.

"We make our own food Princess, or we get our mother to make it, we never eat here anymore so it doesn't really matter."

"Really? You're the fucking owners!" Gordon shouted. "It's the food in your fucking hotel!"

Daisy just looked away and checked her hooficure while Twilight gave her a death glare. Dandy just shrugged hopelessly and gazed back at them with empty angry eyes.

"I apologize, your highness," Dandy said. "That was not the quality I like to serve.

The first thing about Dandy Gordon could tell about her was she was very bitter and angry.

"Why are falling behind?" Twilight asked. "The food was amazing when Butter Mellow still owned the café! His daffodil sandwiches were what I ordered every day I was out on my friendship lessons! What is going on?"

Dandy twiddled her hooves in the grass as everyone looked at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.

"I used to love my job...now I hate it," she said.

"I can see," Gordon stated solemnly. "What then, is not working for you exactly? What has made you this bitter?"

"The owners."

Rose and Daisy immediately bristled and began to shout and argue with indignation. Ponies passing by saw this and nervously galloped away, fearing some kind of fight about to break out.

"I will not take disrespect! We aren't getting paid! We aren't paying ourselves!"

"What the fuck are you talking about? You can't as owners complain about not getting paid! You own the place! They don't own this building! They aren't paying for everything!"

"Why would you be paying yourself?" Twilight asked.

"We haven't been ourselves lately. It's been so hard just to motivate ourselves to do much," Daisy said, trying to dodge the conversation.

"AGAIN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU LITTLE NINNY?" Gordon shouted. "The entire staff seems to hate you two, and you don't seem to care! Grow the hell up!"

Twilight just noticed how empty the streets were, noticing ponies were hiding in their homes, watching from the windows. Their glassy eyes peek through shutters or blinds. She visibly shuddered at what would happen if Apple Bloom was listening and repeated Gordon's language in front of Applejack.

"Everything is fine everypony! Just a little disagreement!" Twilight tried to shout encouragingly.

The human, wanting to get away from the Sister's idiocy, walked off back towards the castle with Twilight in tow. He certainly didn't want to stay in that hotel. Daisy and Rose just casually went back to their meandering and drama making as usual.

"What's next? That went about as well as I thought it was going to," Twilight said.

"We'll get some real food, gather a few supplies, and then come back to watch them handle dinner service. Can you put out a memo and gather a bunch of ponies to stay at the hotel tonight? It might be a good way to see how those Sisters handle pressure."

"I think I can do that easy enough."

Gordon and Twilight had a nice lunch at the Castle with Zecora and the rest of Gordon's production crew, exchanging stories and tidbits about each other's cultures. It was a nice reprieve before jumping back into the insanity.

Later that evening, after ponies heard about Twilight and Gordon being at the Sunshine Inn and Café, the Hotel started filling up quickly. The outside Café was completely filled up with diners hoping to have a nice evening meal. Hoping to get a glimpse of the off alien celebrity and their princess. Gordon felt sorry for all of them. The kitchen was backed up with eight tables and Dandy was trying her best to get everything out in a timely manner. Lily was desperately trying to accommodate every pony the best that arrived. Thimbleweed had her hooves full trying to serve and take orders from as many tables as possible.

Gordon instructed Twilight not to help this time as they were only there to spectate and evaluate every problem they come across. It was a rather difficult concept for Twilight to swallow still, but she trusted Gordon's judgment.

Twilight headed into the kitchen first and was hit with a waft of burnt food. Dandy was shuffling around at a fast pace scraping green pasta off of a pan that was obviously overcooked. Juniper Berry was making some hay burgers but obviously was overworked.

"Do you need any help?" Twilight offered.

"No thank you, I just need to get these orders out," she replied.

"With the size of your menu, I don't know how you can keep up."

"It certainly doesn't help," Juniper added.

Twilight ran back out to find Gordon watching Rose at the front reception desk. She was doing as well as expected, handling a crowded hotel in the middle of a rush. However, Twilight inwardly cringed when Pinkie and Applejack stepped through the door. They noticed Twilight and went over to her immediately.

"Pinkie had a feeling you two needed some help, so we came over as soon as we could," Applejack offered.

"I brought my lucky frying pan!" Pinkie chattered as she lifted a shiny-looking pan over her head.

"Thanks, girls, perhaps go talk to the chef Dandy and see if she needs a few extra hooves in the kitchen," Twilight suggested.

They both gave big smiles and saluted, dashing off to the kitchen where they heard loud yelling and plates breaking. Gordon and Twilight only looked at each other and shared a short well-meaning laugh. They went back to their evaluation before checking with Rose on where her sister was. She was checking in more ponies at a rapid pace, barely registering their presence.

"There should be all hooves on deck. Where's Daisy?"

"I think she's upstairs," Rose replied absent-mindedly. "Hi there, Welcome to the Sunshine Inn and Café! Would you like to have a room?"

They rolled their eyes at her before bounding up three flights of stairs. It was faint, but Gordon could distinctly make out the sound of crying and dramatic wailing.

"IT'S TOO HARD! THERE ARE TOO MANY PONIES HERE! I WANT TO BE MORE HELPFUL! HORROR! SO MUCH HORROR!!!"

'What the fuck?'

"What in the world?" Twilight muttered.

It was a little overwhelming how big the building seemed inside compared to its external appearance. Six floors felt more like sixteen with hundreds of rooms all over the place. They followed the over dramatic cries of Daisy until they came to a corridor off to the right. Three rooms down on the right side of the hallway, they found where Lily was hiding. Alongside an older mare with Daisy's coat color who they presumed to be the Flower Sisters' mother.

Daisy was sitting on the bed flailing all over the place. Gordon had half a mind to smack the living hell out of the mare but with Twilight here, he definitely knew to restrain himself.

"Hello there," Gordon greeted to distract himself. "How are you?"

"Hello, Your Majesty and Mr. Ramsay. It's an honor to meet you," she replied. "I'm Rondelitia."

Daisy started to quiet down as she cried herself out and pulled herself together for a solitary moment while the others exchanged pleasantries with one another.

"Are you alright Daisy?" Twilight asked in a clearly unamused tone.

"Yeah, I'm alright," the blonde mare replied.

"Really? Cause you sound and look like you've been violently crying in here for an hour." Gordon stated in a barely restrained manner.

"I just...didn't feel like being around ponies right now."

'You didn't FEEL like being around other ponies when your hotel is struggling and going through a massive dinner rush?' he thought.

Twilight looked at the situation and tried to think of any method to solve this delicately, but if she has learned anything from Fluttershy and Gordon recently, its the bluntest words can be the most effective sometimes.

"Rondelitia, does Daisy always run away like this when things get scary or tough? The first time I can to Ponyville, she nearly had a heart attack seeing Spike. She ginned up the hysteria against poor Zecora!"

Daisy looked a little huffy at that statement, but her mother nodded sadly at the alicorn.

"It's been hard admittedly, your highness..." the elder mare said.

"We need you downstairs helping your sisters, Miss Daisy" Gordon stated flatly. "But what I can plainly see is there is a lack of commitment in you."

Daisy was hesitant to answer Gordon as she looked him up and down, she looked over to her mother unsure of what to say. She only nodded back, giving her a moment to gather her thoughts.

"I just feel like we should have bought a duplex in Manehatten, instead of a Hotel." she sniffled. "I just find it so hard to do anything. I can't seem to do what I have to do anymore!"

"It's a little late for that!" Gordon exclaimed. "What you really need to do right now is get a fucking grip! You're a full-grown mare crying about nothing! Why don't you clean yourself up and come down to at least try to work!"

"Couldn't have said that better myself," Twilight muttered angrily from the side of her mouth.

With a bit of insistence from her mother, Daisy reluctantly agreed as the duo went back downstairs to check on the night's progress.

As they went down one of the flights, the human saw the alicorn stumble and trip on something. Gordon caught Twilight by the mane before she took a tumble down the stairs. It appeared she had nearly tripped on a hanging piece of the carpet on one stair.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, thanks," she said. "That is seriously dangerous! Ponies could really get hurt tripping on that!"

Gordon knelt down to investigate and saw how dramatic the tear in the carpet was. Revealing dry rot that had worked its way into the wood. If somepony had stepped there, they would have gone right through the stairs and broken a leg.

"Or death," he continued for her. "That's a pretty fucking big liability."

"Just another thing for us to fix," Twilight groaned as she magically mended the spot.

They continued downstairs without any other hangups, they found the Cafe and lobby were slightly running a bit more smoothly with Twilight's earth pony friends running the operations mostly.

Pinkie was dashing about with a wide smile on her face serving cake, cookies, and lemonade to ponies. Twilight could hear Applejack happily chatting up with Dandy as wonderful smells started blowing through the first floor. All the while, Lily Valley was still running herself ragged, looking like death itself trying to stay alive.

As Twilight and Gordon stood in lobby watching everything, they were quietly speaking with one another, sharing each other's thoughts.

"Daisy and Rose may not treat Lily like a general manager, but damn, she works like one. I'd hire her in a heartbeat if I could," Gordon said.

"Something's definitely wrong though Gordon," Twilight replied. "Not that I don't like this side of her, but Lily was the ring leader and the instigator of all the silly petty antics her and her sisters got into. Its like she's a completely different pony!"

"You think something happened?"

"Maybe..." the alicorn replied thoughtfully rubbing her chin.

As some ponies started to leave, Gordon overheard some of the ponies voicing their concerns about the food. Burnt, bland, underseasoned, it was all over the place. When he had a free moment, he and Twilight pulled Daisy aside to sit down and have a serious discussion with her about what had been going on with her and her sisters.

They went into the dining room as it emptied out and everypony began to head home. They sat down at one of the dining tables, staring at each other for a few seconds.

"You strike me as the owner of this place Miss Valley, do you know that?" Gordon asked honestly.

Lily looked a little surprised at first to hear him say that but also a little satisfied.

"You are always so busy, dashing about all over the place. In the lounge, the cafe, the rooms, everywhere!" Twilight exclaimed.

"I just hate unhappy customers, Princess..." Lily shrugged.

"But you didn't used to! I can see how much this place means to you!" Twilight snapped. "What the hell happened Lily? When I first arrived in Ponyville, you were one of the most sensitive ponies ever. Now you always look like you're working three separate jobs. What is going on?"

"Things have...really changed," she said.

Lily looked reluctant to say it as she rubbed her neck and looked off into space with a melancholy look on her face. Gordon had a feeling all evening about the answer but he didn't want to share it until he was sure. Looking her in the eyes, it was certain now.

"You're a mother, aren't you?" he said. "Being a parent makes you grow up very fast. Doesn't it?"

Lily just looked up glumly at the duo, as she started to tear up, but kept a steeled face, not showing any sign of breaking. She nodded quietly to them. Twilight all of a sudden started to feel terrible. Everything was starting to make much more sense.

"How could you tell?" she asked.

"I'm a father of five," Gordon said.

Twilight gave him a nice look before turning back to Lily with a solemn expression.

"When did it happen?" Twilight asked.

"Just after your first defeat of Discord," Lily said quietly. "I met a wonderful stallion on vacation in Trottingham named Plum who made me feel special. We...didn't get a chance to properly marry...yet anyway. One thing led to another and you could probably guess what happened. A year later, I went back and had my little sprouts there. Rose, Daisy, and I just grew further and further apart after that. They couldn't understand my new responsibilities. "

The alicorn gave her a sympathetic look and hugged her tightly. Lily faltered for a moment but reciprocated the hug quickly after.

"Why didn't you bring them with you, Lily?" Twilight asked.

Lily looked even more reluctant to continue, but looking up at Gordon, she found something rather comforting in his eyes.

"I tried...but Plum wouldn't risk their safety in Ponyville. With how many invasions and monster attacks there are here on a weekly basis. Especially after the portals opened up. I couldn't just leave my sister's here. And with the job market dried up in Trottingham, I came back to Ponyville. Now I'm constantly working every day with only a few days every week to see my colt friend and kids halfway across the country. Supporting two sisters and two kids takes up a lot of time."

She went through how she began to notice all of the irritating personality quirks of her two sisters and how her tolerance for them had completely disappeared. Daisy and Rose had been apparently treating her and the rest of the staff with so much passive-aggressive hostility. Being treated like idiots while Daisy and Rose were being the idiots themselves. Rose and Dandy were constantly taking vacations and leaving their staff high and dry to deal with their "stress". Lily noted how they should be working in the real world before owning their own business. Twilight visibly winced when the mare said she had regretted ever starting the flower shop with Rose and Daisy.

Gordon was silent for the whole time, absorbing her story. It certainly wasn't the first time he had heard of a situation like this, despite the odd details. Young overworked parents working long hours with little time to sleep or rest. Lily certainly needed a boost in income.

"The only shining light in this building that I see, is you, Lily. Without you, your sisters would be fucked," Gordon said.

"Thank you..." Lily replied.

They said goodbye for the night as they packed up and headed back to the castle for dinner. Applejack and Pinkie said goodnight to the two of them as they went off in separate directions. Fireflies and moths fluttered around the streetlamps and crickets chirped in the distance as Gordon and Twilight once again absorbed the nightlife" of Ponyville.

"So what next?" Twilight asked. "I don't think Rose and Daisy have a clue about how much they have been hurting Lily and the others."

"We need to get them all in one place and clear the air, providing that Lily doesn't rip off their heads before I do..."

Next Time: Hotel Hell - The First In Ponyville part 3

Author's Note

This one was a little weird. Let me know what you think. Sorry, I needed a few weeks off to focus on school and job hunting. Hopefully, I'm back for a while.

Hotel Hell: The First in Ponyville part 3

After their enlightening conversation with Lily Valley and the bombshell that was dropped following, Twilight and Gordon went back to the castle for proper food and a good night's sleep before the next day. Jay and the other members of Gordon's crew and production team remained behind at the hotel for another hour to set up lights, microphones, and cameras in the primary dining area. Whatever they were going to record in the morning was going to be spectacular and they did not want to miss a single moment of it. Silently following Gordon and Twilight around Ponyville while also doing the new episodes of Kitchen Nightmares and Hotel Hell that were to come. The opportunity provided countless hours of content Jay was relishing the thought of finally airing back on earth. There were no computers readily available in Equestria, so they would have to return at one point soon to deposit the footage they had already captured. The ponies unfamiliar with Earth and its technology only looked starstruck as they carefully calibrated everything.

Meanwhile, Gordon was thoroughly enjoying another evening in Friendship Castle. He had made a delightful parmesan veggie souffle with a side of home fries and the three were once again deep in discussions about each other and their experiences. The frequent lonely quiet of Friendship Castle was thankfully now muffled with good food, good friends, and good conversations. Spike shot another barrage of questions at the human about cooking and what to do and what not to do. The little cook in training always wanted to learn more, especially being Twilight's primary caretaker. Gordon smiled and was continuously patient with every question, ready and willing to teach Spike everything he knew whenever the drake asked. Gordon idly considered offering to Spike and Twilight that he could spend a year or two on Earth studying under himself and his mentors.

Jay and the rest of the production team came back to the castle close to midnight. Gordon had worked himself to the bone after their dinner to make sure the rest of the men had something to eat before everyone. Before they all turned in, Jay went over the game plan once again to make sure everything was in order

They went to bed much later, but comfortably and full of food, ready to face whatever was going to happen.

The next morning, Gordon, Twilight, and Spike pensively meandered back towards the hotel.

"So what's the plan?" Twilight asked nervously.

"I don't think Rose and Daisy have a clue as to how much they've been upsetting Lily and the rest of the staff. We need to get everything out in the open before there can be a step in the right direction. If that's even possible for them."

"That's gonna be a little hard considering how crazy those two are," Spike said shaking his head. "You set up your cameras in their big dining room, right? Is there a purpose to that?"

"Yes. Plenty of space first off, and it gives the cameras a wide enough space to capture everything as accurately as possible. Makes for great drama when the editing team gets ahold of the footage." Gordon replied. "Knowing them, they'll probably inject a million of those ridiculous sound effects."

Twilight giggled under her hoof when she began to notice that every time he counted things, Gordon held up his...fingers and flicked his hand forward like he was casting a spell. An amusing little mannerism.

"It's a little jarring to hear that that's something common in your world. Reality Drama? I can't imagine having someone recording EVERY aspect of my life for billions of people to see."

"Thankfully, I only do it with my job. I make sure to keep the cameras far away from my home and my family. We do the little clips and cooking videos for Youtube, but my team and I have full control of those."

"Is that what Mr. Rick Harrison does? Reality Drama?" Twilight asked. "I was quite fascinated with all of the interesting things in his pawnshop. The cameramen everywhere threw me off a little bit though."

"Rick? Oh! The Pawn Stars fellas on the History Channel. Yes, we have a similar style. I've only met Rick in passing a couple of times at my location in Vegas, so I can't attest to him personally. He does seem to have a grasp on it though." Gordon replied. "I do like him, so maybe I ought to see if I can't pop in soon to say hello."

Most of the citizens of Ponyville had completely been accustomed to the humans' presence by then. Ponies walking by, including Twilight's friends at their respective jobs, waved hello as they passed down the street.

When they made it back to the hotel around seven in the morning, everypony had already arrived including all three Flower Sisters which were the stars of the coming segment. So to speak. When Twilight, Gordon, and Spike entered the old hotel, all they could hear was complete deafening silence. It was rather unsettling, to say the least. The three looked at each other and sighed simultaneously, steeling themselves, and entering the main dining room. Everypony was already in their chairs and Gordon's team was patiently waiting far off at different places in the room and began recording.

Twilight noticed the red lights on the cameras turn on which indicated to her that the cameras had begun recording. How curious, she thought.

Everypony turned their attention to Gordon as he began to speak.

"Ok, when's the last time all of you had a proper meeting like this?" Gordon asked.

"When we first purchased this place?" Daisy offered clumsily.

"So a year ago?" Twilight inquired to which she got a few nodding heads and no affirmative.

"We're just so burnt out, your highness," Daisy replied.

Twilight immediately noticed everypony's glare into the back of the Sisters' heads. Excluding Lily, of course.

Thimbleweed furrowed her brow and ground her teeth with a scowl.

"So are we ladies," the server pony added spitefully.

"First off, I think you girls need to understand, we live in four corner walls and there's no escape for us--" Rose began.

"NOPONY MADE YOU STAY AND LIVE HERE!" Thimbleweed spat back.

Rose scoffed and leaned back in her chair and wiped her head with a patronizing face.

"I think we know what the problem is, we stepped in THEIR territory and THEY can't let go of their egos."

"HERE'S THE SIMPLE AS BUCK PROBLEM!" Dandy the cook shouted. "IF Y'ALL GOT TO WORK AND ACTUALLY HELPED US, I WOULDN'T BE SO MAD ALL THE BUCKING TIME!"

Spike nervously took a few steps towards the doot to ensure he wasn't trampled or beaten to death by angry mares.

"I know one thing Mr. Human, when I get to work, I do my job the best I can, where the buck is she all the time? That's what I want to know!" Dandy told the interviewer.

Twilight pointed to Lily to get her attention. The mare's ears lifted and she tiredly straightened herself in her chair.

"Lily, be honest with me, what kind of effect does that have on your team when you can't get a word into your sisters?" Twilight asked.

Lily looked at everyone and shook her head, laughing sadly.

"It's really tiring Twilight, its passive-aggressive behavior. It makes the ponies who work here very unsociable with them. Fine then, you don't want to talk to us, then we won't talk to you."

"There's the attitude," Rose cut in. "When we do, there's attitude."

"Ok, first of all!" Dandy interjected. "The attitude starts with both of YOU then."

Dandy crossed her hooves pointing at both Rose and Daisy to punctuate her point.

"That's fine..." Rose rolled her eyes. "We just want to know that all of you are committed to the hotel. Especially you Lily, what's going on with you?"

Gordon saw Twilight's horn start to glow, which made him start to sweat. Lily had gone past the boiling point and there was no going back.

"COMMITTED? BUCK YOU ROSE! I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE YOU OPENED UP THIS PLACE! I'VE DONE EVERYTHING FROM BARTENDING THE BUCKING PUB, TO SEATING DINERS, TO HOUSEKEEPING, TO FRONT DESK, TO SERVING! I'M ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING WORTH A DAMN!"

"We just want to know that you'll actually be here as our sister instead of playing house with that little colt toy of yours," Rose hit back.

"YOU BUCKING KNOW, WHY I CAN'T BE HERE YOU STUPID WHORSE!"

Lily's eyes filled with tears and rage as she kicked the table at Rose and Daisy. Twilight acted quickly and caught it before anyone was hurt. Lily took the chance to tackle her sisters to the ground as she started wrestling them violently. Gordon wouldn't dare get in the middle of a brutal fight between females so he let Twilight be the referee in that as she pulled Lily and the other two away from each other. They were levitated six feet away from each other to stop the fight.

"Put me down Twilight," Lily growled as tears streamed down her face.

"No! I'm not letting the three of you rip each other's throats out. We need to resolve this calmly without any fighting!" Twilight snapped.

"You should be focused more on her then," Daisy replied sarcastically.

Twilight summoned a zipper and closed Daisy's mouth shut before she said anything else that she might regret.

Lily hid her eyes beneath the shadow of her mane as she lowered her head.

"I'm bucking done with the two of you," Lily roared. "Put me down Twilight, I'm leaving. I'm out of here." "You buckers don't give a shit about your niece and nephew, who I work to the bone to take care of, and I've obviously outgrown YOU. On the next train to Manehatten, I'm leaving. You two can go to Tartarus for all I care."

"I work 70 hours a week, sometimes 80, and I have two kids that now take top priority for me. With those two numbnuts here, Ponyville isn't for me anymore," Lily said. "I may have been their sister, but I'm a mom first."

Twilight thought about saying no, but Gordon put a hand on her shoulder and nodded. The alicorn didn't want another fight to start, and she didn't want to make this friendship problem worse, but she knew he was right. Lily would need space and time before they could talk to her again. She gently put Lily down who stormed out of the hotel angrily. Twilight and Gordon looked on at the situation in awe and sadness at what had just happened. Gordon had just about had enough with Daisy and Rose himself, but he knew for Twilight, he had to keep himself as calm and controlled as possible.

The rest of the staff in the dining room looked like they were about to have a panic attack from what had just happened. Thimbleweed was breathing hard and holding her hooves up to her head like she had a massive migraine.

"I know many of the staff here including me were thinking, "If Lily isn't here to keep the staff together, then ponies will be saying, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone," Thimbleweed said. "I'm really starting to freak out!"

Gordon once again felt that familiar feeling of his jaws begin to tighten and tense up that went to the base of his neck. It was a feeling he got every time he was about to explode himself. Twilight looked at him and showed him a breathing technique that the Scotsman did his best to mimic. Afterward, he was still visibly angry, but not at the point of screaming anymore.

"Your sister, and General Manager, have just walked out," Gordon said slowly and deliberately.

"You know, the funny thing is--" Rose began.

"Rose, are we laughing?" Gordon asked incredulously. "That poor girl dedicated her life to keeping the both of you in a hotel while trying to support two kids and a loving husband halfway across your country."

"Have the both of you ever employed even a single member of staff?" Twilight asked sternly.

Rose and Daisy were silent.

"Like if they ever worked a day in their lives," Dandy snarked.

"How could you say that? You don't know me, you don't know what I do."

"If you were here for two minutes instead of piddling around with your flowers, you'd know I've been running my plot off every bucking day!!!" Dandy yelled.

The entire dining room erupted into screaming and shouting that filled the entire hotel with nonstop noise for five whole minutes. Ponies walking by the hotel could hear the commotion from all the way across the street. Some trotted over to check out the excitement and some ran off in fear.

"For Celestia's sake! One of you needs to grow up! You've turned into something really awful," Twilight stated. "You're my friends, but if I had the power or the permission, I'd be kicking you out of here."

Gordon was surprised at Twilight for the gravity of that statement. Twilight frowned when Daisy simply smiled a smug smile back at her.

"You can smirk and laugh at us all you want to Daisy. We're not you're parents, but I know for a fact...that you don't deserve any of this," Gordon added.

The room went so silent that you could hear a pin drop miles away.

At Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie was tending to a group of customers when she pulled a sewing needle out of her mane and dropped it to the floor. She watched as it clinked to the checkered tiles and stuck out her ear comedically listening for something. Her customers humored the earth pony, being used to this behavior for years now.

"Something should be happening," Pinkie whispered to the ponies comedically.

Back at the hotel, Gordon and Twilight walked upstairs to speak with one another when they heard something tinkling far off in the distance but wrote it off as tinnitus. Jay and one of the cameramen followed the duo up the stairs and wondered what they were talking about.

"That was weird..." Twilight said.

They went into one of the rooms and Gordon sat down on the bed thoughtfully as Twilight leaned back in one of the chairs. Jay signaled them to give their responses to what had just happened back down in the dining room.

"That was extraordinary," Gordon said to the camera. "The only person, or pony rather that actually cared about this place, Lily Valley, their general manager, and sister...has gone. And she may be leaving the city entirely too. Shit. Those two mares are absolutely screwed."

"We need to talk to Lily. I can't just let her leave Ponyville forever and let a friendship problem fester like this," Twilight said anxiously. "What kind of a Princess of Friendship would I be if I let three of my own friends and citizens end up hating each other like that?

"Let her cool off Twilight. Give her time to get a good night's sleep. You won't get through to Lily immediately," Gordon urged. "Family squabbles are complicated problems."

"Oh, I know that," Twilight agreed. "I'm the one who has to deal with them every week as a ruler."

"I need something to work off the tension and stress from all that screaming. You got a gym or anything physical around here I can do until this afternoon? I feel like working up a sweat."

Twilight lifted her hoof to her chin and looked out into space thoughtfully.

"We could go see Applejack and help her with a few chores?" she offered. "Her family farm is always needing assistance."

"A farm? Great idea! Might give me an idea of the kind of produce Ponyville grows locally." Gordon agreed.

"She'll work you to the bone though, so be ready for that," Twilight warned.

"I lost thirty pounds at an Iron Man Challenge in the Hawaiian Islands. I think I can handle a little farm work."

Twilight remembering an important step in the next part of their plan quickly threw together a dozen letters to ponies all over Ponyville who had recently stayed at the Butter Mellow Cafe and Hotel. At Gordon's request, they were to arrive at the hotel ahead of their return and go to the designated room that he specified.

After changing into suitable clothes, the trio and their camera crew escort began walking to Sweet Apple Acres to spend their time until early afternoon. Then they would come back to the hotel to continue their evaluation and process of restoring the hotel. While at the same time, Twilight had to work even harder to fix a friendship problem she had allowed to occur in her own city. She created a mandatory reminder for herself to catch Lily before she left Ponyville for good.

The mention of the familiar sporting even comparable to their own Iron Pony Challenges piqued Spike's interest.

"Oh! You have a challenge too?" Spike asked. "What's it like?

"In truth, it's a triathlon. A 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bicycle ride, and a marathon 26-mile run raced in that order. It's widely considered to be one of the most difficult one-day sporting events in the world. Most Ironman events have a limited time of 16 or 17 hours to complete the race, course dependent, with the race typically starting early in the morning. Each event has mandatory cut-off times to speed up performance. Any participant who completes the triathlon within these time constraints is designated an Ironman. "

"Even for ponies, that sounds rough," Twilight said. "That's pretty impressive Gordon. Mostly our Iron Pony Challenges are just simple small events of strength, speed, and endurance. Perhaps I could inform the other Princesses of this to update the tradition."

"Kicked my ass pretty hard at that. I lost twenty pounds, but I'm glad I was invited."

When they arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, Gordon had the pleasure of formally meeting Applejack's talkative grandmother Granny Smith and her rambunctious little sister Apple Bloom. Her big brother Big Macintosh was calm and subdued, unlike the rest of his family. He didn't mind so much. If being a little too loose-lipped is all they were guilty of, then Gordon had nothing much to worry about.

They were a little put off by the massive cameras and the men working them trying to be as quiet as possible, but a quick explanation sorted everything out. Apple Bloom wouldn't stop asking them a million questions about how they worked and Big Mac just nervously dug at the ground with his hoof after learning billions of people would be watching them soon.

"Pleasure to meetcha Chef Ramsay!" Granny Smith greeted. "Applejack told us so much about you and the wizardry you can cook up in any kitchen!"

"Only the good things I hope," Gordon joked. "I've also heard a lot about your lovely home from Applejack. I'm looking forward to seeing all of it!"

Twilight felt herself sweat nervously when she saw Granny Smith cackle like an evil witch.

Applejack took him through many of the various sweets that they personally baked right there on the farm. He was impressed, to say the least, but he had to stop before the earth ponies made him blow up like a balloon from overeating.

Applejack preened at hearing Gordon's praise. She was already quite proud of her family products, but with a celebrity from another world complimenting them, it added a new layer of accomplishment for the Earth Pony family. While they were eating, Gordon and Applejack idly threw a few ideas back at each other for marketing the Apple Family's products back on Earth.

Their crops were rather an impressive spectacle to behold. Sweet Apple Acres stretched out a mile towards the Everfree Forest to the east and four miles to the north. They had to have planted and maintained these crops for generations for that many trees to have been there and have an abundance of apples as they did. Their neighbors surrounding the farm had small farms of their own and grew other various crops. A mare who lived just next door grew a sizable Carrot crop and the next one down had a decent patch of berry bushes growing all over their front lawn.

Gordon was put to work helping out in the orchards pulling weeds, watering her small vegetable patch, hauling any fallen apples away, and scaring off any fruit bats that had made their way closer to the barn. It was tough, but nothing the human hadn't done before. Twilight and Spike helped out with other menial tasks around the farm while Gordon did his. Applejack worked closely alongside Gordon to make sure he got the job done. He certainly did that as he was quick, efficient, and thorough in every task he did. Especially for his age, the earth pony was impressed.

Around the time 2 in the afternoon arrived, the trio was sore, dirty, sweaty, and were breathing quite hard. Gordon still felt quite fine even after all the work, but it was a vigorous workout, to say the least. The same couldn't be said for Twilight and Spike who look like they had just finished sprinting up the side of a mountain and were begging for their lungs to take in more oxygen.

"Well, I think that's enough for now," Applejack said. "Thank you kindly for helping out Mr. Ramsay. "You humans sure can reach up pretty far with those dangly hands of yours."

Gordon just chuckled.

"It's been a while since I worked on such a nice patch of land. Certainly beats searching for spiders in the jungle to eat or hanging off a cliff."

"Looking for spiders in a jungle? Geebers criminy, I gotta hear that story soon. For now though, don't y'all need to head back to yer filming thingamahoochy?"

"Oh yes!" Twilight exclaimed. "We almost forgot. We have to move forward with the final stages of our evaluation. Before we go though, can you help us with something?"

"Sure! What do ya need me for?" Applejack asked.

"We need help with Ms. Lily Valley if you aren't too busy," Gordon asked politely.

Applejack silently listened to the whole story of what was happening at the Butter Mellow Hotel and Cafe and the Flower Sisters' falling out. Gordon watched her tense up when she heard Twilight tell her about Lily Valley's foals that nopony in Ponyville knew about. How Rose and Daisy's lack of understanding to her new responsibilities as a mother and her difficulties moving back and forth across the country just to see her family negatively impacted her.

"Can you just talk to her?" Gordon asked. "I understand your anger, I really do. But let us do that. Okay? Daisy and Rose are in trouble with us already. We need you and Miss Fluttershy to talk to Lily and calm her down."

Applejack looked like she was ready to gallop off in the direction of the hotel and beat the snot out of those mares. Knowing her background and her own family, Twilight wouldn't blame her if she did. Unfortunately, she needed her help to fix this severe friendship problem.

"Alright, I'll do it." Applejack relented. "But please promise you'll smack those good-for-nothing rats upside the head?"

"Oh, believe me, that's a given," Gordon replied. "That is if Twilight doesn't hang them upside down by their hind legs in a dungeon or something."

"Who do you think I am?" Twilight huffed indignantly. "Some kind of fire-breathing demon pony?"

"At this point, I'm still not entirely sure you're not," Gordon joked.

Applejack felt herself smiling slightly but kept her mouth shut at that comment, opting to telling Gordon later.

They left the farm and quickly headed back into town and back towards the hotel to continue with the next stage of their plan. Twilight needed to not only help Gordon restore her favorite hotel/cafe back to its former glory, but she also needed to quickly fix the Flower Sisters' relationship. This was the first friendship problem that had happened in Ponyville without her knowledge and Twilight didn't like it.

Heading back inside, Gordon and Twilight found the two mares almost immediately wandering about the lobby lazing about while their employees were still busy slaving away at their various jobs. They told the girls to meet them upstairs so they could speak to both of them privately.

The duo led the mares into one of the rooms and went inside where they found twelve different ponies standing there patiently, each with neutral looks on their faces. The Flower Sisters could feel themselves internally screaming wondering what they were going to ask and what they would say in return.

"These are some of your guests," Twilight stated. "All we would like to hear is nothing but the plain truth and give these owners an insight into what your experiences were staying here at the Butter Mellow Cafe and Hotel and what you are all paying for."

Gordon couldn't help but notice how Twilight was learning to carry herself the more she was in front of the camera.

A mare and colt couple stepped forward and began to recount what their experience was during their stay.

"We're from Las Pegasus your highness and we love to check out old historic buildings whenever we stay somewhere. The room we had was very disappointing. It's like it was neglected."

"The building was run down when we acquired it from the original owner," Daisy said. "For quite a long time."

"The two of you have to stop blaming people!" Gordon exclaimed as he slapped his own face in annoyance.

Gordon called up another couple who stepped forward and said their piece.

"I have a number of severe allergies and get allergic reactions to a number of plants, insect stings, and foods," she explained. "When we came into our room, it was not only caked with mold and hunks of dust everywhere falling off of everything, we found some thorny stems from flowers I can go to the hospital if they so much as touch my fur."

"It went beyond a comfort issue," the colt added. "It went right into a health hazard issue. I was worried for my marefriend's safety. The last thing this place needs is some kind of wrongful death investigation from the Royal Guard."

Daisy and Rose felt their hearts jump into their throats and their blood thicken.

"Buck," Rose swore.

Twilight escorted the group of ponies out of the hotel while Gordon remained behind in the room, promising a Pinkie Pie Party to all of them for their troubles. Celestia knows they needed it. Twilight trotted back up into the room where she found Daisy and Rose reclining back into low chairs with Gordon looming over them like some kind of ravenous beast about to devour its next meal.

"Now I want the both of you to be very honest with us after all of that," Twilight sternly commanded. "Do you honestly believe that the two of you are completely capable of running this hotel and the cafe?"

"When we put our minds to something, we always accomplish it, your highness," Roseluck replied.

Gordon inwardly groaned at the mare, but proceeded forth with his question.

"So then tell us this ladies, in your whole life, what would you say is something you have accomplished? Or a major goal that you have reached?"

When the two mares only stared back at him like a pair of deer caught in a set of headlights on a nighttime drive, he already had his answer. Twilight only shook her head, expecting this. Lily having had reality forced upon her was the only one of the group to really grow up.

"Once again, I will ask," Twilight repeated. "Do the two of you honestly think that you are capable of running this business? Especially without Lily."

They looked defeated as they only glumly looked back at the alicorn and shook their heads.

"Maybe though I think if we--" Rose started.

"You shouldn't think anything!" Gordon snapped. "I would shit myself asking the two of you to run my dog up a hill, let alone running a hotel. After today, I'm surprised you two girls get out of bed without sucking your hooves and shitting on the floor. The fact that you two have the balls to say ANYTHING at all to Lily makes that even worse. She's the one actually doing something worth a fuck, and you two are completely useless."

Twilight held her peace, realizing that these two mares needed to be broken down before they could see reason. Lily needed her entire family, not just her husband and children. They hadn't always gotten off on the right hoof, especially when she first moved to Ponyville, but they were part of her extended family now, like it or not. She left the room with Gordon, leaving the two mares crying their eyes out. This time over something that actually matters finally.

Reaching the lobby once again, they found Applejack standing there on the rug with a more cheerful expression than either of them were carrying at the moment.

"Applejack my darling, hello again!" Gordon greeted. "How did it go?"

"Is Lily ok?" Twilight asked.

"That mare looked like someone she loved had died hating her, but she'll be fine," Applejack said. "Having a number of complicated family issues over the years myself, I understood a bit of what she was going through. I don't have any foals myself yet, but taking care of Applebloom for so long is the closest thing to that. She's still a little glum, but she's not boiling like she was earlier."

"You girls certainly have a knack for talking to people," Gordon said thoroughly impressed.

"We certainly try, thank you," Applejack replied tipping her hat. "Everypony in Ponyville is part of our family clan, even if we ain't blood. We have to look out for each other."

"A friend always tells another friend when they are doing something wrong and we must learn when to say no," Twilight recited.

"Another one of your friendship lessons?" Gordon asked.

"Something like that," Twilight giggled. "Which reminds me. I have an idea how to help fix this friendship problem. We help the sisters, and then I'd like to try something to help Lily's husband and foals."

"Lily is the only one who can help those two save this place. Unless we can convince her to return and take on the role as General Manager again, this place is doomed and we will have to tell them to close the hotel TONIGHT," Gordon concluded. "Can you show us where Lily lives Applejack?"

The earth pony nodded as she went out the front door. The duo followed her as they went back into town near the Market Square where the Flower Sisters' old shop used to be. The stall where they once sold flowers was gone, but the little two-story apartment next to it seemed well kept and clean. It was more comprised of bricks and proper wood instead of the hazardous hay roofed and thin board houses that were sprinkled all over town. A bit of infrastructural progress the human chef was glad to see.

Applejack gave a few solid raps on the front door as they waited for a few minutes. Gordon spotted the well-cared-for flowers and various ferns that sat on the window sills. Dandelions, Hydrangeas, Begonias, Roses, Marigolds, Irises, and many more. It certainly brought a lot more color to the building.

They heard the door begin to unlock on the other side as it swung open and they found Lily standing in the dark with her eyes baggy and her mane all messed up. She gave a small smile when she saw Applejack, but looked uncertain when she saw Twilight and Gordon.

"Lily, can we please come in again?" Applejack asked. "These two want to talk with you."

It took a moment for her to decide but she nodded and stepped aside so they could enter. Gordon did his best to ignore how cluttered the inside of their apartment was and the three suitcases stacked up by the door. The lights were off, so he couldn't see much within the main living room itself, but it appeared to be modified into a makeshift greenhouse will all manner of flowers, ferns, and ficuses. She led them out the back door and onto a small backyard that was pressed up against other buildings.

A modest metal outdoor table and a set of chairs were there that she pulled up and invited them to. After they sat down, with Applejack to Lily's left, the orange earth pony patted her on the back reassuringly.

"You had every right to be angry and walk out. How are you now?" Gordon asked.

"Bitter, but after Applejack talked with me, I'm ok." she laughed sadly.

"While we were watching you work and how you feel for the hotel, and how much energy you put into it, you are a bloody good general manager."

"Thank you," she replied quietly.

"I know things have been a bit complicated between you and your sisters Lily, but if you were given complete control of the situation and complete control of the hotel...would you come back?" Twilight asked. "If you do, I also promise I will do everything in my power to help ease your burden, seeing your family."

She sighed heavily and looked back at Twilight with an unamused look. Not at her, but for at the situation she had found herself in.

"That's tough Twilight. I used to love my sisters, but after everything that's been said, I just don't know..."

"Do your parents know what's going on?" Applejack asked.

"Not...yet, but I was planning on telling them this evening about it and my plans."

Twilight and Gordon looked at one another, realizing what they had to do next to finally bring this friendship problem to an end.

Hotel Hell: The First In Ponyville Part 4

Author's Note

Its been too long! Sorry about that. Its been a bad year and two months but I'm hopeful that the coming days will be better and I will release my chapters and stories more consistently

Hotel Hell: The First in Ponyville part 4

After Gordon and Twilight left Applejack with Lily, they slowly made their way back towards the hotel. Lily needed time to gather her thoughts and obviously a lot to tell her folks later. Gordon could imagine that two children and a husband nopony ever knew about would come as a big shock. Hopefully, he could help her when that confrontation came about, but for now, he had other pressing matters. With everything that had happened to her and everything that had been said up to that point, if they were in her position, they wouldn't know what to do either. However, the subject of parents gave Gordon an idea. Perhaps if they met the Flower Sisters' parents, they could get through properly to Daisy and Rose. It was worth a shot as they had exhausted many of their options. Were those two mares really capable of change and able to shoulder the responsibility of running that hotel?

Gordon and Twilight met with Rose and Daisy and asked them to call their parents to the hotel so they could all meet and talk about the past few days. It was time to enter the final stage of their plan and the duo knew what had to be done.

The duo waited patiently outside at one of the cafe's tables while they waited for the Flower Sisters to come back. Spike had run over from the castle with a basket full of sandwiches and tea for the mare while Gordon he had a few fish tacos and a nice lemonade prepared.

"Finally, some good fucking food," Gordon said thoroughly pleased.

Spike shoved his fist into his mouth to prevent himself from laughing, as Twilight gave the drake the stink eye.

"Gotta get out of here," he wheezed in between laughs.

The drake held it in as he ran off back towards the castle giggling like a maniac and crying from the laughter.

"What can you tell me about their parents Twilight? I don't think I've seen them since we've been here." Gordon asked.

"I met them once briefly when I first moved here and have seen them around now and then, but I don't think I've talked to them since. They seem to keep to themselves. Apparently, they used to be one of Ponyville's primary Apothecaries before Ponyville Hospital was rebuilt."

"Doesn't your friend Zecora do that? I'm not much of a wizard or an alchemist, but she seems to use herbs and plants in the same fashion as an Apothecary."

"Yes, she has sort of stepped in as an advisor and Potion Master to help Ponyville Hospital with any remedies and treatments that they might not be educated enough to deal with. She's...also been something of a second teacher to me every so often."

"Where do their parents live? The Sisters' parents."

Twilight froze.

"I...don't know," she said. "I know the Flower Sisters lived in that apartment together, but...I don't think I ever really wondered where their parents lived."

"That apartment is pretty big. Perhaps they live with them?" Gordon offered.

"Hm, probably."

When Daisy and Lily came back, two older ponies were following them. One was a yellow earth pony with a gray mane and the other was a hot pink mare with a brown mane. They smiled when they saw Twilight, but looked somewhat surprised when they turned their eyes to Gordon.

'They must not get out much. I've been here for a week.' the human thought.

"Your Highness and Chef, these are our parents," Daisy presented.

The older mare stepped up first and spoke with a thick Sianeishse accent, smiling warmly at them both.

"Good day to you your highness, and to you to Mr. Human," she greeted with a light-hearted laugh. "I am Li Lac."

The colt then stepped forward and gave a deep, respectful bow to Twilight, speaking in a scraggly, rough voice.

"The name's Daff O'Dil."

"It's good to officially meet the both of you," Twilight said. "I don't think I've seen either of you a lot since I first moved to Ponyville."

The colt coughed politely into his hoof and rubbed the back of his neck. Gordon still wondered how equines were built with the joints to be able to do that.

"We beg your pardon, your majesty," Li Lac chimed in. "We focus so much on our apothecary and our daughters' business that we hardly have time for anything."

"That is exactly, what we want to talk with all of you about," Gordon added.

"Yes, and why don't we go inside so we can talk about it?" Twilight suggested.

Everyone did just that as they went into the main office on the first floor. Gordon and Twilight told them to sit down, which they did, albeit rather nervously. Unsure as to why they were gathered there.

"Twilight and I wanted you all here to sort of shed some light on the things going on at this hotel." Gordon stated. "Every single aspect of this place is so fragmented. The rooms are a mess, the staff and the owners are always at each other's throats, the owners and the manager are at each other's throats, and worst of all, they don't do a fucking thing about it!"

"On top of everything, Lily was not only made JUST the general manager, but these two have treated her poorly," Twilight said.

Li Lac and Daff O'Dil glared at the two mares who tried to make themselves as small as possible.

"Mr. O'Dil," Gordon said. "How much do you and your wife work here with your daughters?"

"Pretty much every day," he admitted. "It is hard not being able to get out and relax."

Twilight turned to Li Lac who did her best to look cheerful and chipper, but tiredness seemed to flood out of her eyes. They had been told before that their mother fed them every day, but the alicorn finally realized that feeding was not just what she did.

"When was the last time you had a break Li Lac?" Twilight asked. "I can tell you've been here every day too."

"Not at all really your highness. I do get frustrated sometimes. I'm always telling them that they need to learn to do all the work themselves."

"And you seriously need to teach them responsibility the way it was forced onto Lily," Gordon said to Daff. "She has actually had to face the harshness of reality and what it means to have something major on the line."

"What does that mean?" the elder colt asked with heat. "What's wrong with Lily? What's wrong with my daughter Princess?"

"Nothing. She's completely fine, but I think she has something important to tell both of you." Twilight insisted. "It's the primary reason why she's been away from Ponyville a lot. I know you have probably noticed at least that. However, her secret is not ours to tell. She deserves to tell you without somepony else's outside intervention. I have no right to take that away from her."

The parents looked at each other and nodded, agreeing to wait for Lily to tell them herself.

"I have three daughters myself, and I can tell you that responsibility has to be taught to them firmly and harshly when needed. If they have a hard time running a tiny little flower shop, and just barely manage to scrape by without tripping over themselves, you should have told them no. Running a business is serious and if you can't handle it, then start from scratch so you can learn. These girls will not survive in the wider world if they can't learn something."

Twilight had a thought grow in her mind about how she might help the family. It was a risky plan, but if it succeeded, they could both come out stronger than they were and perhaps relate more to Lily's sacrifices.

"Mr. O'Dil, do you want to be here?" Twilight asked sincerely.

The stallion seemed to contemplate his answer before shaking his head.

"I certainly wouldn't want to come here on a regular basis anymore," he replied.

Twilight then turned to Li Lac who shook her head almost immediately expecting the question.

"Daisy, do you honestly want to be here?"

"...No...not really," Daisy sighed.

The last one in the room Twilight and Gordon turned to was Rose who was beginning to look like a cornered deer after it was caught by a predator.

"Lily, do you REALLY want to be here?" Gordon asked.

The room was silent for a minute as all eyes were on the red-maned mare who couldn't make direct eye contact with anypony. Finally, she actually started to stare at the ground and genuinely cry for the first time in years. No dramatics, no exaggerated noises, just a mare who had finally realized how small and immature she really was.

"...No, I don't," she said. "Not without...Lily here." Rose admitted. "I miss us being a team. We didn't do much, but I loved what we had. I wish I could say sorry to her, we should have supported her after we found out what happened.

Li Lac and Daff O'Dil went up to their daughters and hugged them tightly.

"Gordon and I will deal with Lily. Life is too special for families to be hating each other forever. Especially not in Ponyville. Watching my friends hate each other hurts me a lot. In fact, we'll deal with that by this evening. But for now, I have an idea for you to get out of Ponyville for a while. There's a Doctor friend of mine who comes to town often. Crazy old stallion in a young colt's body. Travels everywhere and anywhere getting into trouble. I think you could use some trouble to...mature yourself. He'll be a good influence on you."

"Doctor Who?" Daff asked. "I don't think I want just any stallion traveling with my daughter your highness."

"That information is...classified. But I can assure you, he's been designated as a Praetorian in the Royal Guard. No matter how much he has insisted not to be." Twilight insisted. "I would trust him with anypony."

Gordon for some reason mentally checked himself after a thought crept into his mind as to who the "crazy old stallion" she was talking about was, but he shook his head.

'BBC science fiction characters in a land of talking ponies? Don't make me laugh,' he chastised himself internally.

"What about me?" Daisy asked resigned.

Twilight sized her up, wondering if she was really ready for the next step. Unfortunately, the only way she was going to change for the better is if she was pushed past the brink into unknown territory. Both of the girls were going to have to grow up quickly. Rose more so, but Lily at least would have a chance to eventually make something of herself in Manehatten.

"I think you need to go and get into the city. I'm going to have Applejack contact her Orange family cousins to give you a chance for a job."

Daisy was not expecting that, but after thinking it over, she agreed to it after her parents affirmed Twilight's suggestion. Surprisingly, she took it without much fuss and even seemed to be looking forward to what was to come.

"Each of you is trapped in this hotel," Gordon said. "I want all of you to make a final decision as a family. Do you want to have a proper general manager running this hotel in your stead? Or do you want to sell it or shut it down for good?"

An hour later after a much-needed discussion, the Flower Family, excluding Lily had come to a decision on what will happen to the Butter Mellow Cafe and Hotel going forward. They called the entire staff back to the main dining room to make their announcement as Twilight went off somewhere to get somepony important.

"As the owners, we've talked for a while, and we have something important to say," Rose stated. "We will be stepping out of the picture at the Hotel for the foreseeable future while we pursue...other career opportunities. The Princess has hired a new General Manager that will be taking full control of the hotel and hiring on an assistant manager to help on the weekends.

On cue, the sound of the front doors opening were heard, followed by a fast-paced trotting into the dining room. Around the corner came Twilight, Applejack, and Lily Valley who had a neutral, unsure look on her face.

"We'd like to formally welcome back the Butter Mellow Hotel's General Manager," Gordon cheerfully announced.

Everyone in the room including Lily's family brightened up as they almost immediately starting clapping their hooves in applause to her. Dandy ran up and hugged her, followed by her ecstatic parents who kissed and hugged her violently.

"I hear, you have something to tell us," Daff said. "...But from the look in your eyes, I think I have an inkling."

Lily suddenly looked scared and confused, but her mother and father just shook their heads.

"We aren't mad. We promise. We're just a little disappointed that if...are suspicions are correct. We weren't there to see our grandchildren born."

Months of stress and negative emotions finally let the flood gates open on Lily as she cried there in the middle of the floor with her parents. Rose and Daisy watched from afar, but stayed away, still feeling ashamed. After she had been given enough time, she wiped her eyes and smiled.

"I promise, I'll explain everything tonight," she said.

"We're looking forward to it," Daff agreed.

"After having a heart-to-heart chat with Applejack and Twilight, I realized that Ponyville is still my home. I want to figure out some way to keep both of my families together...no matter how difficult they may be to deal with." Lily explained.

"We are pleased you are back Lily," Gordon said. "You are an asset to this hotel, and a member of the Ponyville extended family it seems. Your sisters, however, will be leaving this hotel and according to Twilight, Ponyville."

"What?"

Twilight re-explained her plan to send both Rose and Daisy on extended excursions. One to the other side of the country, and the other to unknown parts. The hope was that in time, both would grow and mature enough that by the time they came back, their personalities would have changed for the better. Lily was unsure, but she walked up to the both of them who were still avoiding her gaze. They knew she was standing in front of them, but after everything that had been said and had happened, the mares weren't sure how to proceed.

"...We're sorry Lily." Rose began. "We just didn't want to lose you. We've been best friends since the beginning, and it just felt like...you were abandoning us."

"We know we have issues dealing with most things," Daisy added. "But I guess the thought of some stallion stealing you away from us just, really hurt."

Lily grappled both of the mares into a hug which they reciprocated after a few moments of silence.

"Oh girls," Lily sighed. "I would never abandon you. This whole thing has been hard on me too. You're my sisters. I still love you. No matter how much our interests of personalities may have changed lately. I just have two new lives to take care of. They need me and I have to be away a lot. But even after, I guess my plans are now canceled, I still don't really have a way to make travel any easier."

"And I think that's where I should step in," Twilight said.

Igniting her horn, she projected a three-dimensional image of what looked like a platform made of crystal. Gordon was still quite astounded as to the level of detail the alicorn was able to put into her projections, once you get past that they are completely purple half the time.

"One of your crazy magic contraptions Twilight?" Gordon asked.

"Oh, you have no idea," Applejack smirked.

"Something like that," Twilight giggled. "It's a prototype teleportation platform I've been working on. I was toying with the idea of someday making conventional travel a thing of the past, especially for ponies who have to travel long distances and don't have the aid of a powerful unicorn or alicorn to teleport. Unfortunately, it only allows the pony who imprints their magical signature onto it to pass through. A bit of a hang-up. However, until I get it worked out, I would like you to be the one to use it, Lily. You can more frequently travel between Trottingham and Ponyville every day if you want."

She felt so overwhelmed with emotion that she tackled Twilight into a tearful hug, which the alicorn reciprocated.

"Thank you, Thank you, Thank You, Thank You!" Lily exclaimed. "That's what I've wanted since the start!"

Everyone had a moment as they all took turns hugging and congratulating Lily. Everyone was bustling with excitement after hearing that Lily had a new colt friend and two foals. Applejack most of all seemed to be the most supportive of Lily through this whole excursion as she came up to her and held Lily's hooves gently. Gordon could tell there was some sort of kinship between the two. A similar background perhaps? Family troubles? Perhaps he would ask the earth pony later if it wasn't too much of a personal question.

"Now everything is out in the open, Twilight and I along with the rest of her friends have something big planned," Gordon explained. "Tomorrow the Butter Mellow Hotel and Cafe is reopening with some big changes. So I'd like everyone to go home and enjoy the rest of the day."

They seemed confused, but with Twilight and Applejack's calm insistence, they accepted and began exiting the hotel so that Gordon and the girls could begin working on the finale of their first Hotel Hell. Jay and the camera crew set up static, stationary cameras in the dining room and lobby for their speed transition footage while Applejack left to grab Pinkie and Rarity so they could fulfill their respective tasks.

"Today, everyone wins for once," Gordon said. "The family is repaired, for the time being, the sisters are going off to separate places to grow and mature, and Lily has both a steady job AND a way to travel back and forth to her kids quicker.

"Let's just hope that they can change for the better with what we set up for them," Twilight pondered. "But...I think my stallion friend will handle Rose just fine. Its Daisy I'm a little worried about."

"As long as the Oranges, I believe they are called don't coddle her too much, she should be fine."

"Oh I wouldn't worry too much about that," Applejack reassured them.

They turned around and saw she had returned with the others who were ready and willing to help. Rarity brought Spike who was dragging a cart filled to the ceiling with different fabrics, linens, drapes, stuffings, and rolls of cloth of every shape, thickness, and color imaginable. The human felt a bit sorry for the poor dragon who was huffing and puffing trying to keep up a strong front but visibly struggling.

"You ok there Spike?" Gordon regarded.

"Oh sure, I'll be fine. Anything for milady," Spike struggled to say.

"When I heard you and Twilight were renovating this charming old place with Applejack, I was a little shocked." Rarity exclaimed. "You should have called me here earlier darlings, I could have told you what was wrong with this place as soon as I stepped in!"

"Sorry about that Rarity," Twilight apologized. "With everything going on, it just sort of slipped our minds. Applejack, did you bring everyone up to speed about Lily?"

Pinkie pulled a birthday party list out of her mane and showed it to Twilight. It listed everypony's birthday in Ponyville and when it would be.

"Oh silly willy, I already knew about them! I dashed to Trottingham to help celebrate their first birthday! Lily made me Pinkie Promise though not to say anything. It was sad everyone couldn't see our two new friends, but a Pinkie Promise is a Pinkie Promise."

Twilight had figured as much. You can't sneak a new citizen of Ponyville past Pinkie. You were going to be her friend and be invited to one of her parties no matter how far away you are.

"I did not know, but I am glad we found out. I wish we had found out sooner. Or that Lily had a colt friend of her own finally," Rarity stated forlornly. "I would have made her the most beautiful wedding dress had she ever had need of one!"

"Glad to hear your priorities are in the right place," Gordon muttered sarcastically. "Though we are glad to have your help. We need to fix up and clean anything that needs to be replaced, cleaned, fixed, or trashed by tomorrow morning. We are going to be reopening the hotel and unveil a new chapter for this business."

Rarity gave a big giddy smile and levitated her special glasses onto her snout as she quickly began dashing through the hotel, drawing notes and ideas on her pad, getting to work immediately.

"You are very lucky then that I am here Gordon," Rarity declared. "I shall inspect the rooms and come back to you as soon as I can with a few...minor adjustment ideas."

"Don't be putting Gold leaf or jewel-encrusted paint on the walls or anything like that," Twilight reminded. "Remember this is supposed to be a middle-class star hotel for a growing castle town, not a place for Canterlot nobility.

Rarity stopped and laughed nervously as a comedic sweat bead seemed to appear on her temple.

"Of course! I knew that! There's no reason however I can't bring my absolute best to such an important historic building."

Gordon told some of his design crew to go with Rarity and swap ideas as they determined what to do with the rooms. He had an idea as to how Applejack could help breathe new life into the menu of the Café with Pinkie's help.

"Pinkie, Applejack my darlings, how are you with arranging a menu?" Gordon asked curiously.

"Oh! That's easy. I do that every so often for the Cake's bakery when I come up with new pastries and drinks!" Pinkie replied.

"Well its not a restaurant, but whenever we sell anything from our stalls, make deliveries, or right from the farm, we do make some menus, so I'm alright at it I guess," Applejack said.

Gordon pulled them into the kitchen to make a few adjustments and invited Spike along to help. It would be fairly modest work a the very least and not involve carrying a cart load of supplies. Twilight meanwhile went back and forth supervising the whole process as everything was getting ready to be unveiled. The four cameras in the main dining room were kept on all day and night as they recorded everything that had happened. Every stubbed hoof, every mess, every thrown pie, every stepped on tail, and every paint covered mare that moved through the hotel.

Everyone worked through the night nonstop with a bit of help from Pinkie's extra strength espresso machine she had brought along with her. Gordon felt more wired than he had ever been in his life after a single sip, but it definitely helped. He would have to sleep the rest of the next day after it wore off but it was worth it. Day turned into night, which in turn eventually turned into morning, which meant they were finally ready. Gordon and Twilight messaged everyone to meet in front of the hotel to surprise everypony on what they had done.

Gordon and Twilight went outside just as the sun had start to rise over the rooftops of Ponyville. The Flower Family and their staff circled the corner to find the duo greeting them warmly.

"Good morning! Welcome to the new and improved Butter Mellow Hotel and Cafe." Gordon announced. "This is a historic building and a very special hotel, but now its somewhere that guests are going to be incredibly well looked after."

From the front, it didn't appear that the hotel had changed much, save for the new yellow canopy that covered the dining area of the café and the rest of the tables from rain and the rest of the elements. The table cloths were also changed out for fresh white ones with shiny new tableware. A new hanging sign had been erected in front of the hotel with what looked like the cutie mark of the previous owner. A butter dish and a slice of bread in the middle of the bright yellow embossed lettering into the metal.

"The exterior is merely a small cosmetic improvement. Along with a canopy you can now deploy and pull back depending on the weather. After that little downpour that ruined my sandwiches here, that's especially been at the back of my mind for ages."

Rainbow Dash napping nearby on a low hanging cloud sneezed, getting the feeling somepony was talking about her.

Everyone followed the duo into the hotel and immediately noticed a difference. The blase grey wallpaper was replaced with a fresh coat of cream colored paint and the rugs and carpets were thoroughly cleaned and straightened. The front reception desk was repolished and repaired with brand new supplies for the receptionist. The lobby smelled strongly of potpourri and pine. Strangely enough, Equestria had their own version of Earth's own pine scented floor cleaner. A welcome coincidence that Gordon took advantage of.

The group was led upstairs and into the room that the Flower Sisters had initially tried to push on Twilight and Gordon. The honeymoon suite allegedly that was called the "Symphony of Romance." Everyone who had followed Twilight and Gordon were taken aback by what was presented.

"Here we have your brand new honeymoon suite for VIP guests," Gordon announced. "Gone are those burnt curtains, stained carpets, and destroyed wallpaper. Now we have a vibrant coat of kelly green paint and new black and white striped sheets. The carpets in every room are now going to be made from local sheep owned by the Apple Family. With this one serving as the prototype. So thank you very much for that Applejack my darling."

"Happy to oblige Gordon," Applejack replied. "Just glad our extra wool can be put to good use."

"And doing something I have never considered before in my professional career, I had Twilight and Miss Rarity reinforce the rooms with their magic so that now your guests can't accidentally burn the building down." Gordon continued. "After seeing that burn mark in the ceiling earlier, I don't think I want to know what kind of freaky shit ponies get up to during private moments."

"You obviously haven't passed by the Cake's house at night," Spike quipped.

"Aw, are Mr. and Mrs. Cake throwing parties without me?" Pinkie asked innocently.

"Not the kind of parties you want to join unless that's your thing," Spike replied.

That statement from Spike received a swift slap to the back of the head from Twilight which sent the room into an uproar of laughter.

Twilight went into a detailed explanation on the various runes and enchantments that she had included while dancing around the things they were meant to either block or resist. Gordon did his best to follow along with the various calculations she had made to construct each rune. Math was a huge part of cooking and biology so there was a degree of Twilight's overly complicated explanations that he could understand. Everypony else just stared at her with glossed over eyes. When she was finished with the explanation, Gordon took back over the introduction of the other features of the room.

"Miss Rarity provided us with new linens, new blankets, and new cushions for ALL of the rooms straight from her shop. Beautiful and locally made. The box frames of every bed were specially commissioned to the Apple Family to make. Also amazing works of craftsmanship."

Applejack raised her snout proudly at the praise from everypony and crossed her hooves into the stance she often used.

"I was just shocked in a spectacular way," Lily laughed. "I...haven't felt this excited to actually be running a business in a long time. The honeymoon suite is now a room that I will be proud to market to VIP guests who stay here. I'm not getting my hopes up, but maybe even the princesses will come and stay in this room. Who knows at this point?"

"And from now on, why don't we keep both hotel entrances open at all times during business hours eh?" Gordon asked rhetorically. "We installed new electric light down there and fixed the doors."

Gordon pulled everyone's attention to a brand new cherry wood compact wardrobe in the corner where somepony could hang their dresses or coats.

"But that is not the only new room we have installed," Twilight added. "We have something else on the roof that we would like to show off."

Both human and alicorn led the group up a few flights of stairs and through the fifth story door to the rooftop that was allegedly left unused since the hotel was built. Once everypony went through the doorway and into the sunlight, every mare in the group squealed with excitement at what was there.

"Here we have something that Gordon gave me an idea about to make," Twilight explained. "With Fluttershy's help, who couldn't be here, unfortunately, we have made a rooftop bar and a secondary area for the cafe to overlook Ponyville while customers and guests dine."

The edges of the roof were lined with planter boxes filled with a beautiful variety of flowers that lit up the place and gave it a unique aura. The roof was tiled with special cream-colored marble that gleamed in the sunlight. Several tables and chairs were scattered all over, giving a sizable capacity size for diners to come in. The white table cloths were also provided by Rarity which was magically held down by simple enchantments to keep them from blowing off. A small bar with a canopy was off to the side that had a number of local beers, wines, and the Apple family's ciders on tap. Several heating lamps were gathered in the corner for evening diners that wished to have a romantic dinner under Luna's moon.

"In many cities and towns on Earth, restaurants and various businesses have taken advantage of the rooftops of the buildings that they inhabit to create open areas with gorgeous views of the city. With that in mind, your hotel will be beginning a practice that we hope to extend to the rest of Equestria."

The owners and staff were so flabbergasted and touched by what they saw that they hardly registered Pinkie popping up out of nowhere and dragging them to a long table which she prepared in a flash. Gordon was somewhat put off by the bubbly mare's erratic behavior but rolled with it, asking her to bring up the food he and Twilight had just prepared downstairs.

"Coming right up!" she replied.

In only a minute, she was back up in a flash with three shiny silver trays being balanced on her head and a trolley being pulled from behind with her eldritch prehensile tail. All the while as always, she maintained her cheerful demeanor as if nothing was out of the ordinary. For her close friends, nothing was, but for Gordon and his cameramen, they might as well have been in the presence of some unfathomable being. Once again, it took a moment for Gordon's brain to reboot after watching another one of Pinkie's impossible antics but he soon recovered and kept going.

"Thank you my darling," he said.

With a signal, Twilight placed the food on the long table cutting through the center of the rooftop and unveiled the various trays Pinkie had brought up. Li-Lac in particular smiled gleefully at what was underneath.

"Here we have my interpretation of what I believe is called "Sianeighse" cuisine. It was inspired to me by Miss Li Lac who I believe has a history with that," Gordon presented.

Once again, Applejack, Twilight, and Pinkie found their stomachs growling at the food Gordon had made. It was a gorgeous combination of colors and smells that created a symphony of the senses. Gordon pointed to each dish, detailing the special ingredients he used in each.

"A wonderful Sianeighse carrot soup for those colder evenings, classic spring rolls for any occasion to brighten up your plate, a stunning red vegetable curry to sink your teeth into, a variety of salads made from local veggies in the Ponyville area, and one dish that I thought was a joke, but apparently Miss Applejack has added to the menu personally. A beautiful Caramelized Apple Fried Rice which I can attest to is odd but rather delicious."

"Thank you kindly Gordon, that was actually a bit of a weird experiment a year back I tried for drumming up business during the Winter Moon Festival. I'm just glad it can be put in place for good."

"And the normal menu downstairs at the cafe is still intact, but now you are taking more advantage of our farms and purveyors here in Ponyville," Twilight added.

"I am quite excited to see my heritage on the menu for everypony to appreciate," Li Lac said tearfully to the interviewer. "It's been so long since I have seen anything resembling home and...sniff...I'm sorry.

Li-Lac began to get teary-eyed and cry happy tears.

"I think, this will be a great...new step for this hotel. Hopefully, my daughters will take it as great inspiration going forward, wherever their paths may take them."

Everypony gave Li-Lac and Daff O'Dil loud applause which spilled down to the street below. Ponies from out of town walking by were noticing everything that had been done to the hotel and already pouring in, hoping to see what had been changed and perhaps even booking a room for the night. With everything that had been seen and done in only a few hours, the staff was rejuvenated for the first time in a very long time for the day ahead.

The Flower Sisters' parents were enjoying themselves to lunch on the rooftop cafe with the new Sianeighse menu. Lily was busy greeting guests into the hotel and drumming up business in the lobby, and the kitchen staff with their confidence and drive refreshed, got to work on every order that came in. There couldn't have been a better general manager than Lily to pilor the Butter Mellow Cafe and Hotel

Unfortunately, old habits were dying hard for the other two Flower Sisters as they started making a mess of things and interfering with everypony's work. Twilight had caught this immediately and ignited her horn to signal the one stallion she needed right now.

"Ladies," Twilght grumbled. "I think its time we packed your bags and sent you on your way. Rose, I already have your...ride coming to pick you up, and Daisy, you are leaving to get ready for the next train bound for Manehatten. NOW please."

Daisy and Rose protested but acquiesced to Twilight's command as they left to gather their belongings at home. In the distance, Twilight heard a familiar sound that always made her smile. A sound like a wheezing, groaning being pumped out of some monstrous generator pulsing and struggling to maintain itself.

"About time that Mad Pony and his box showed up," Twilight exclaimed humorously.

Gordon standing outside the hotel with the alicorn stared down at her and cleared his ears to make sure he was hearing her correctly.

"I thought that's what you said."

Twilight then felt a familiar warm, pulsing sensation on her flank as she looked down with pride and saw her cutie mark was flashing. An indicator that she had finally fixed the severe friendship problem that had been plaguing them for days now.

"That's a neat trick. I didn't know you could do that too Twilight," Gordon said. "I probably should ask why your rump is glowing and if that's normal?"

"Just means that we did a good job here. Although, I would like to know why the Cutie Map didn't register the Friendship problem before. As bad as it was, the map should have been alerting us about it months back, but it didn't. Its just another big problem on the list I'm gonna have to deal with soon."

Gordon and Twilight stood there soaking in the success of their first episode of Hotel Hell, idly wondering what should come next on their itinerary. As if the universe was mocking them, Pinkie then stumbled out of the hotel wearing aviator glasses, a fisherman's hat, a yellow and black tropical shirt, and a foot long candy stick in her teeth. She stared intently at Gordon and Twilight as she inched closer and closer with a crazy look in her eye. She seemed to be moving like some kind of demon possessed zombie in the midst of a drunken stupor. Not unusual to see her like this, but still surprising.

"Pinkie? Did you need something in particular?" Twilight asked nervously.

"I just got a call from an old flame." Pinkie said in a strangely tired, gravely, and fast voice. "They want us to come to Las Pegasus at once. Make contact with Pipsqueak's uncle. A Pegasus Photographer named Trotcerda, he'll have all the details on our next assignment for Equestria. Flim and Flam's hotel is right in the vortex. All we need to do is book a soundproof suite and he'll seek me out."

Twilight and Gordon looked at each other. On one hand they could just deny this request as it was just another one of Pinkie's goofy antics, but the pink earth pony had never led them wrong before so, Twilight was willing to take a risk this time if it led to a new problem location. Hopefully it wouldn't cost the alicorn and the chef their sanity.

"Sounds like trouble. I hope we don't need legal advice before this is over," Gordon groaned. "Guess I'm coming along whether I want to or not."

"Call for a firepony red fast chariot with no top. Rainbow Dash and Applejack will accompany us as our muscle." Pinkie stated overly seriously. "Bring me every type of sugar imaginable. The good stuff. I need my rocks and crystals and every soda you can get your hooves on. I'll bring along my tape recorder for special music and boogie nights. Get the heck out of Ponyville for at least 48 hours."

"Do I need to bring some royal guards armed to the teeth?" Twilight asked rather concerned.

"Hey! if a thing is worth doing, its worth doing right" Pinkie nodded. "This is gonna be the Equestrian Dream in action. We'd be fools not to ride this strange party cannon to the end."

"What's going on in...Las Pegasus exactly?" Gordon hesitated. "If its anything like its Earth counterpart, I'm already scared."

Pinkie grabbed a piece of dry ice and put it on her tongue, pretending to smoke the candy stick.

"The Chocolate Mint 500. The richest off-road baker race in the history of organized sport. My pride and joy as a baker depends on the Cake Family Pastry Racing Trolley winning every year. This year that fatback grosero Gladmane is back in town trying to move in on me and ruin Flim and Flam's hotel. That's what the press release says anyway. We'll have to cover this right. Pure Ponk...Journalism."

Next Time: The Equestrian Dream and Ponk Journalism

Author's Note

This was a fun one to do. This next arc will be especially fun for me as its just gonna be unfiltered chaos!

I'll be editing and fixing things as time goes on.

The Equestrian Dream and Ponk Journalism

"We somewhere around Barstool, on the edge of the desert when the sugars began to take hold..." Pinkie said to no one in particular. "With reins in my hooves and a deluxe two hoof long hard candy stick in between my teeth, I was living the good life."

Every hour of the trip, for some unknown reason, Pinkie felt obligated to vocally narrate as if she were reading out a book in exquisite detail.

She had taken her hooves off the chariot reins as the pegasi guards swerved to and fro, shouting back at the mare and struggling to maintain control. Pinkie had pulled out a bag full of candied apples to gorge into. The bright, hot sky went dark and the crazy pink mare turned her head up to see a scattering dark cloud rapidly approaching.

"Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge vampire fruit bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the chariot, which was flying 100 miles an hour with the top down towards Las Pegasus. And a Scottish voice right next to me was screaming:"

"HOLY JESUS! WHERE THE FUCK DID THESE DAMN ANIMALS COME FROM?"

"WHY DIDN'T WE BRING FLUTTERSHY?"

"YA AIN'T GETTING MY SPECIAL APPLES YOU BUCKING VARMITS!"

A few knocks, thumps, and flashes happened in the blink of an eye, making the mare question if the bats were really there at all.

Then she heard nothing. Pinkie's rainbow-maned partner in the passenger seat acted as if nothing happened, glugged down another cider, and poured the rest on her fuzzy cyan chest to facilitate the tanning process. Her own tropical shirt was hanging open to breathe out as she leaned back.

"What the heck are you guys all yelling about? I'm trying to get some sleep," she muttered, staring up at Celestia's sun with her official wraparound Wonderbolt sunglasses.

"Nevermind, it's your turn to drive," Pinkie said weirdly seriously.

Much to the dismay of the exhausted Pegasi guards pulling the chariot, Pinkie grabbed ahold of the reins and aimed their Great Red Eagle; as she called it towards the desert ground.

'No point in worrying about those Fruit Bats,' Pinkie thought. 'They'll be back soon enough.'

"Mind if I take over girls?" Applejack asked nervously. "I don't think it's a good idea for Rainbow to be driving, you drive...too slow...yeah that's it. Too slow. We got to make it to Las Pegasus soon for that Chocolate Mint 500 thingy, don't we?

It was almost noon, and they still had another hundred miles to go through harsh desert terrain and the heat of the sun. They would be tough miles. Gordon and Twilight were awake the whole time as they rode along, trying to cater to Pinkie's every need and humor her strange behavior this time. Twilight loved her pink friend dearly but questioned her judgment on
occasion. This was certainly one of those times. As the chariot landed and came to a dragging stop, Pinkie hopped out and trotted to the back where the trunk was mounted to the back.

With a solid whack with her hoof on the lid, the trunk opened with a clunk and she lifted the hood to reveal the wretched contents within.

"The Ponyville Gazette gave me 300 bits, most of which had already been spent on dangerous goods," the earth pony stated to the unseen audience. "Many of which I bought ahead of time back on Earth. Two bags of Crabgrass, a hundred boxes of Warheads, five sheets of high-powered candy buttons, a salt shaker full of Uncle Roger MSG, and a whole dimension of multi-colored laughers, uppers, downers, moaners, screechers...and a roll of toilet paper. And also, a quart of Apple Wine, a quart of Hard Root Beer, a case of Zap Apple Cider, a bit of marescaline (should probably throw that out), a pint of Cloudsdale Rainbow Ether, and two dozen of Zecora's Hyorogan."

"I'm gonna pretend that I didn't hear most of that," Twilight groaned. "I just know the Princesses are gonna be mad at me by the time we get back.

Rainbow Dash hopped out of the van and came to look when Pinkie mentioned the last item on her list. Twilight and Gordon began to worry when they saw how panicky the pegasi's face was.

Pinkie didn't really need all of that strange stuff for the assignment, but once she got locked into a serious collection of that nature, her tendency was to push it as far as she could.

"The only thing that worries me is the Rainbow Ether," Pinkie announced. "There is nothing in this world more helpless and depraved than a mare in the depths of a Rainbow Ether binge. You and me Dashie will both get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."

"How did you get ahold of that?" Rainbow asked as her irises shrunk. "I could get in a lot of trouble with the Rainbow Factory if I'm seen with this Pinkie. Spitfire would have my hide."

"Fleet Foot owed me a freebie after I salvaged her Mom's birthday."

She grabbed her tape recorder and the microphone attached to it with her mouth and swapped seats with Applejack, sitting her right next to Twilight and Gordon. Those two were sitting comfortably, trying to enjoy themselves, despite the heat and their party friend's manic behavior. Gordon tried to calm his nerves by playing a few familiar songs off of his phone. He was rather fond of 80s and 90's rock and pop and had a rather extensive playlist already downloaded onto his phone. His efforts seemed to work as Twilight listened along as well. Soon she began to calm down a bit more in spite of Pinkie's ramblings.

Applejack gladly took over driving the chariot's reins, and despite not being a flyer herself, maintained a good rhythm on the road. The music Gordon played had something of a calming effect on her too despite its pounding and electric melodies on some of the songs. A constant speed was good for the pegasi guards. Avoiding those quick bursts of acceleration that dragged blood to the back of those poor stallion's skulls.

Suddenly, a glowing, sparking circle appeared out of nowhere. Cutting and flashing the ground below them as a dark environment appeared within the circle, and a figure stepped out. A young stallion with a familiar color scheme and an equally familiar brown-colored mane cut. He had an innocent, rather timid look about him, but there was still something strong about him beneath that vulnerable exterior. On his back, he was wearing a battered, dirty old backpack that looked like it had been through a few fights. Something red and blue was stuffed into the backpack just out of sight. Rainbow had noticed the colt before anyone else did as she tipped down her sunglasses and peered over the chariot. She tried to focus on his flank to see what his cutie mark was, but it was covered up by a pair of pony slacks.

"Let's give that kid a lift," she said nonchalantly.

"Hm?" Twilight asked.

Before she and Gordon could see the sparking circle the colt stepped out of, it disappeared. She only saw a poor, unsure-looking colt looking very lost in the middle of the desert.

"I wonder how he ended up out here?" Gordon asked aloud.

"We can't stop here! This is bug pony country!"

Before anyone could mount a counterargument, Applejack had once again landed the chariot right by the poor colt. He looked a little confused at first and uncertain about his next decision but soon started galloping up to the chariot with a big grin on his face.

"Hey everyone! I'm a little...lost I think? A friend of mine dropped me off here by accident."

"Is that right? Are you alright?" Applejack asked. "You ain't hurt or nothing are you?"

The colt awkwardly looked at himself and patted himself down, making Applejack smirk.

'Hot damn, this guy is built like me, but he's innocent as a choir boy,' the farmer giggled internally.

It was true as whoever this colt was, he clearly had impressively defined muscles that rippled through his whole body despite his boyish personality and face.

"I don't think so!"

"Hop in!" Twilight exclaimed welcomingly. "We'll get you into town and get you some help!"

"Thank you! I've never ridden in a chariot before!"

"That right? Well here's a good start for something!" Applejack replied.

The colt hopped into the chariot beside Pinkie in the back seat as Applejack took off once again. Hot, dry wind whipped past them as the chariot picked up speed. Leaning into the colt, she turned her head and stared at him with a look the colt couldn't read.

"We're your friends kid, we aren't like those other ones," Pinkie said. "Those media buzzards need to show respect. Allow me to admire the shape of your skull."

'Celestia, she's gone off the deep end,' Applejack thought.

"No more of that weird talk or I'll throw you in with the leeches!" the farmer threatened.

"Leeches?" Gordon asked reluctantly.

"I sell them on the side to hospitals and potion masters like Zecora. Froggy Bottom Bog has a whole lot of them!"

Pinkie grinned, seeming to understand, and went silent as she slumped back into her seat. Gordon and Twilight tried to lighten the mood by introducing themselves. The colt seemed to recognize Gordon, but not Twilight strangely enough.

How long could she maintain? Everypony wondered. How long before Pinkie started raving and jabbering at the boy? This same lonely desert was the last known home of Chrysalis and her brood before her most recent invasion of Canterlot. Will the aura of the place get to the colt when Pinkie started screaming about vampire fruit bats and flying manta rays coming down on the car?

'If he's some interdimensional superhero, it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'll draw over some kind of fascist organization with an obsession for green and tentacled skulls. They'll run us down like Diamond Dogs! Luna Criminy! Did I just say that out loud? Or was I just thinking it? Was I talking, did they hear me?'

Pinkie turned over to Applejack and the others, but they seemed oblivious to the mad ramblings of her mind. Trying their best to make pleasant conversation and appreciate the desert ecosystem, as well as they, could in the mid-day heat.

'Maybe I should try chatting with this cutie to lighten the mood.' Pinkie thought. 'If I explain things, maybe he'll rest easier.'

Pinkie leaned over and flashed the stallion another friendly smile.

"There are a few things you should probably understand about what we are doing," she offered. "You can hear me can ya hot stuff?"

"Uh, sure. Yeah, I hear you," he replied courteously.

"That's good, we're on our way to show up some old frienemies and an upstart fatso trying to ruin the Equestrian Dream, that's why we ordered up this chariot. Can you grasp that?"

He was sweating, and clearly nervous at the mare's odd behavior, but he remained as polite as possible, nodding in agreement.

"This is a very dangerous assignment...with undertones of food poisoning and risk to personal hygiene."

Pinkie recounted how it all began 24 hours earlier after she had given her outlandish explanation of their next Hotel Hell assignment in Equestria. It was during lunch at the newly renovated Butter Mellow Inn and Hotel where the duo just listened to Pinkie as best as they could. Twilight took a risk, despite every bone in her body telling her to ignore Pinkie's strange demands. Pinkie accompanied Twilight and Gordon back to Canterlot on a quick jaunt to the Royal Rental Chariot Agency. The poor sales manager nearly had a heart attack after the earth pony nearly squashed a mare crossing the road trying to drive the chariot fifty miles per hour in reverse. In the event that things went south fast, like they seemed to always do, Twilight had called up the Princesses to loan them a Pegasi guard escort to drive their chariot. Then after they invited Rainbow and Applejack, the mare took a dip in the nearby lake, pondering the many wild machinations of her mind.

"Don't listen to her," Twilight grumbled loudly. "We're just doing a legal evaluation of the hotel and if they refuse to meet our standards, we are closing it. THAT'S IT!"

Pinkie tried offering a cider to the colt who declined, and then tried offering him the ether, but only confused him even further.

"We're on a mission to uncover the complications of consumerism and the crooked ponies who take advantage of it," Pinkie continued.

She pulled out a Gameboy Advance SP and popped a cartridge inside, somehow being able to play perfectly despite the complete lack of fingers. It was labeled Princess Promenade and for whatever indecipherable reason, made Pinkie angry to the deepest depths of her being.

"Like for instance, have we deteriorated to the level of dumb beasts when Hasbro can't even make a good pony game?!" she shrieked. "The best generation of the entire franchise and its G3 and G5 that get the games? We WERE going to Las Pegasus to croak some Elvis impersonating scag, but now I want to croak someone in Hasbro. A generation filled with fighting evil creatures, magic, literal missions across countless unique environments, and they couldn't come up with something?!!!!"

"We aren't croaking anyone you crazy mare!" Applejack exclaimed annoyed. "We're just getting him out of the picture!"

Applejack covered her snout with both hooves, realizing that didn't sound much better. Her hooves were off of the reins, sending the pegasus guards in a swerving panic once again. Twilight had to stabilize their movement with her telekinetic grasp.

The colt finally having had enough of what was going on, jumped out of the chariot, willing to take his chances with gravity rather than those mares. Rainbow turned around and saw the colt swinging off by a shiny rope as a portal opened up and he disappeared inside.

"Hey Pink! You scared off Spidermane!"

Her eyes lit up.

"Holy taffy! That was Spidermane? Twilight, that was your interdimensional hubby!"

"I'm sure it was Pinkie," Twilight sarcastically groaned.

"Can we please get across this desert and to our destination WITHOUT killing anyone and abusing illegal substances?" Gordon pleaded. "I'm sure glad Spike took the train with Jay."

Soon enough, the western Equestrian coast was within view as the desert gave way once again to terrain that was eerily similar to that of California. They came into several surrounding towns and villages that made up the majority of Las Pegasus. Then after another fifty miles, they finally came to the ocean. Hovering over the ocean water, several large island-sized clouds floated above the ground, somehow holding up an entire pony city filled with crazy monuments, casinos, resorts, and amusement parks. It was quite a sight to behold for Gordon. The rest of the ponies however just wanted to get this job over with as soon as possible.

"Let's just find those damn twins before I lose my mind," Applejack grumbled. "I have to apologize to you Twilight. Fluttershy and I technically fixed the friendship issue here last time, but we only stopped Gladmane. Flim and Flam just took over where he left off."

"That's alright Applejack. You had no way of knowing what they were going to do or any way to actually stop them. Now though I have jurisdiction to arrest them if they cause any trouble for us."

Next Time: Hotel Hell- Fear and Loathing part 1

Author's Note

And the madness begins.

This chapter is a tribute to the famous book and movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. A wild depraved ride by its author Hunter S Thompson, father of Gonzo Journalism, and mentor of Johnny Depp.

The story is a surreal drug trip with commentary on the 60s and 70s rampant dope Era all taking place between Los Angeles and Las Vegas. Of course drugs are bad. DONT DO DRUGS and I never suggest anyone replicates his actions. I only like how goofy Johnny Depp is in the movie and thought his humor matched Pinkie's.

It seems not everyone are aware of the reference as its still a niche thing so just bear with me. The clips of the movie are on YouTube and AVGN did a tribute to the movie too.

Meeting the Raging Scotsman (Major Update: 10/31/21)

(Kitchen Nightmares theme plays)

Fresh off of his hit shows, Chef Gordon Ramsay has been to thousands of restaurants throughout America. He has dealt with the worst of the worst when it came to food, management, and restaurant quality. In some cases, it has included the owners themselves. He has met with only one failure throughout his entire career. It was a few months after America had created an alliance with the world of Equis in the pursuit of mutual understanding with the hopes of peace. One of the Princesses had come through the portal back to America on a rare visit with one of her emissaries to speak with Chef Ramsay. The lavender alicorn called Princess Twilight Sparkle had news organizations from around the world speculating about her, but still unsure as to why Princess Twilight had chosen Chef Gordon Ramsay. He was the first official human to meet with her and Ambassador Pinkie Pie. The Kitchen Nightmares team here hopes to be the first to get the scoop on the Princess of Friendship's odd course of action upon visiting Earth. We have been told that she will be arriving at the Nevada headquarters in downtown Las Vegas to meet with Gordon in just a few short hours.

(Twilight Sparkle's POV)

For six months now, diplomatic relations between the primary nations of Equestria have been strained. Everypony is getting severely ill and nobody is certain why. I have a theory, however. With the rise in monster attacks and invasions of hostile armies all over Equestria, the hospitality and food industries have fallen by the wayside. I've been getting a number of reports that ponies all over the country are going on strike, being mistreated by their employers, dealing with harsh conditions, or getting sick. Pinkie came to me a few weeks ago and mentioned that someone on Earth might be able to help. Some celebrity chef named Ramsey. I instantly pictured a ram wearing a cook’s uniform at the time. Kinda silly, I know, but my mind does come up with weird things sometimes. At first, I thought she was just being her normal crazy self until I decided to take a closer look at this human's qualifications. Needless to say, I'm more than impressed with his accomplishments. He was among one of the best chefs on Earth. Among his many television shows, he also doubled as an Emotional Counselor, Food Critic, Hotel Critic, Building Renovator, and Health Inspector. I looked him up and as it turns out, he's currently living in the western province or state as Americans call them; California where I first discovered Earth when I came through the portal. His main office however is a few hundred miles away in Earth's equivalent to Las Pegasus. Since Pinkie and Rarity are more knowledgeable about food than I am, I figured that bringing them along might help. What with Pinkie’s years of experience in the kitchen and Rarity’s distinction as a licensed food connoisseur; even though I had no idea that was an actual thing. She was probably just embellishing everything about herself as usual, but I didn't mind. I trusted Rarity to behave on such an important mission, but I had my doubts about Pinkie. Humans are a little less open-minded than ponies, so I was worried how Chef Ramsay would respond to her...explosive personality. I didn't think that it would have been this much of an issue though...

A few weeks after the epidemic had spread all over Equestria, Twilight and her friends' Rarity and Pinkie Pie came through a portal to Los Angeles. She was uncomfortably reminded of how much more dangerous crossing over to an alternate multiverse of reality was than simply crossing over to a parallel universe. Traveling to Canterlot High was a simple stroll compared to what they were going through.

They landed in a recreational park in the Midtown borough of Pasadena. The first sensation to hit her was the smell. The human world was markedly different than that of Equis in more ways than one. The air, while still fresh was filled with a number of aerosols and smells that overwhelmed her senses. The grass under her hooves was rough and yellowing in some spots. A playground was off to the far left filled with families and pedestrians enjoying their day. Twilight was hoping to get to Las Vegas without being seen, but no dice. A four-year-old child on the jungle gym spotted her and the other two almost immediately. The little girl was being closely watched by her mother. A brunette woman in her thirties carrying a small purse over her shoulder.

"Look, Mommy! Pretty doggies!" she exclaimed.

Not wanting to seem like she was ignoring her, the woman quickly pretended to look in the direction her daughter was pointing. Wanting to keep her eyes on the girl. What the woman didn't expect to see, was three pastel-colored ponies with oversized eyes that stared back at her like deer caught in the headlights of a car. Suddenly, the purple pony in the middle started walking towards her with a big friendly smile on its face. The mother, not being able to rely on her brain or logic, reverted to what most humans described as a primordial lizard brain and instinctively pulled out her phone and called 911, not knowing how to deal with the bizarre situation.

"911, what's your emergency?" the operator asked.

"Three... short neon-colored horses with wings and horns," the woman muttered in confusion. "I think they're the ones from the news..."

The operator was at a loss for words, she contacted her supervisor who suggested that they at least send a patrol car to the scene to make sure that this wasn't a hoax. Ten minutes later, it arrived and the two policemen met the ponies. It was an awkward meeting at first, but everyone was cordial and respectful as was expected. Twilight explained their situation and where they needed to go. The duo understood as best as they could as they made a call to their precinct to contact the local branch of the Secret Service in Los Angeles. Offering their protection, they allowed Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie to remain in their patrol car until the feds arrived. Twilight graciously agreed as they entered and patiently awaited for their hosts to arrive.

Unfortunately, someone else had beaten them to the punch and called half a dozen news organizations to the scene. Three alien ponies from another dimension traveling to earth, including a royal would make the front page news all over the world. A crowd started to gather at the park as more cop cars were called to help protect the Princess and her fellow noble ladies until the feds arrived. News trucks showed up with cameras covering the story, bringing even more and more people. Barriers were constructed and riot control was brought out in case anyone started to get rowdy and charge at Twilight. By the time the Secret Service arrived, there was an army of excited people trying to push forward just to get a glimpse of the alien princess. Black cars drove around the park to where the patrol cars were, guided through the mob of people by the police.

Rarity and Pinkie thrived on the massive amounts of attention they were getting from the humans, but Twilight was feeling a little overwhelmed by it all.

"I knew we should have arrived in disguise," Twilight lamented.

"That's just the cost of being a celebrity Twilight dear," Rarity replied. "You'll have millions of adoring fans who will climb over each other just to look at you!"

"Some might even throw you food!" Pinkie added.

"That's not normally a good thing Pinkie..."

"It is when its cake!" the earth pony replied.

Outside they saw their new police friends speaking with men in black suits with ornate badges that they had pulled out. They shook each others hands before going up to the door and opening it, letting the roar of the people grow louder and louder.

"Sorry for the trouble your highness," one of the agents said. "We weren't aware you were arriving."

"I should have messaged your government ahead, I should be the one saying sorry," Twilight replied apologetically. "We really need to get to Las Vegas as fast as possible. Is there any way we can get some transportation there?"

"Oh, that shouldn't be too hard," the agent said.

An hour later after making their way into a new car that seemed a million times better than the cop car, the group was on their way east towards their destination. It was about afternoon by the time that the escort arrived in Nevada.

"I spy with my little eye, something that is...tan-colored," Pinkie stated innocently.

"It's sand STILL dahling," the white unicorn replied from behind her magazine.

"Ugh, Pinkie, will you give it a rest?" Twilight tiredly said as she yawned. "We've been at that game for hours."

"Never thought I'd see someone go at a game of I Spy for four hours, let alone one." one of the agents in the back seat said with a chuckle.

"You should see how bad it gets back home," Twilight chuckled. "The trip to Las Pegasus was a nightmare."

"Sorry Twilight, this is just taking a REEEEAALLY LONG time, so I thought I'd do something fun to pass the time," Pinkie replied.

"Sorry about that your highnesses. With the holiday season here, the local comic book convention in town, and the big local games going on, LAX is gonna be overbooked for a while." the agent replied.

"That's alright. Actually, this kinda reminds me of the train rides back home now that I think about it."

"Except those never had these delightful magazines with these juicy gossip articles," Rarity replied as she showed off her first issue of Vogue.

Twilight just smiled and rolled her eyes at Rarity. Upon their request, the agents bought a dozen magazines of varying genres at their last gas station for them to read. Twilight had only been casually reading a few for research on various Earth subjects. Rarity on the other hand quickly became addicted to them. Just not for the same reasons that Twilight was. She found quite a few designs within the pages of the magazines that gave her inspiration to create new lines of clothing once they had a break from their investigations back in Equestria.

"Don't worry your highness. After we see the next marker, we should be heading off of Highway 15 and into Las Vegas within the hour." the driver replied.

"Well, that's a relief. That's not to say though that I'm not enjoying the sights of your...state I believe you called it?" she asked.

The agent simply gave a nod in confirmation before going back to reading his newspaper.

"That mountainside covered in those "wind turbines" as you called them, were amazing! I don't think I've ever seen that many generators working together like that."

Twilight prattled on and on for the next half hour about all of the things that she had seen on their drive across the state and into Nevada. Only the brown-haired agent sitting with them looked interested in what she was saying. For the most part, he would just listen and only answer questions when he was directly asked about something. Soon though, their trip was just about over as they drove to the top of a hill and saw the city of Las Vegas in the distance. They were quite pleased that they had finally reached the city, now it was just a matter of searching for the man they were looking for in a large city. Luckily, their escorts seemed to know exactly where they were going.

They came to the Vegas Strip where they were assaulted by a manner of sights, sounds, and several unpleasant smells. From car exhaust to several uncouth scents that led them to understand why humans had taken to nicknaming this large, bright town "Sin City". Even some of the names of the businesses made her nervous. A restaurant called the Heart attack Grill disturbed her deeply. One of the agents mentioned a few of the more civilized sights that he liked taking his kids to on occasion. One of the places he mentioned was something called the "Gold and Silver Pawn Shop" and another he called "Count's Customs".

The car drove up to a large white building with a sign near the top that said "Caesar's Palace" in gold lettering. Twilight made the connection to a similar hotel-casino back in Las Pegasus called Haaflinger's Palace. Instead of right towards the building though, they drove towards an adjacent three-story building with an unusual large fountain in front. in the middle of the fountain were large metal letters spelling out an initial: H.K. In between the letters was what looked like a trident sticking out from in between the two of them.

They parked and the three ponies exited the car with the two agents who helped escort them into the building. The agents were forced to dissuade any curious onlooker who had tried to approach Twilight and her friends more than a few times.

The inside of the restaurant was nothing like what they were expecting. The interior was a mix of metal plating and colored glass with elegant furniture and glossed wooden floors. The entire floor was busy with diners and servers who were going about their business. On the far side was a large open kitchen for all of the diners to see how their food was being made. Little kids who were with their parents went up to the girls and asked them if they could brush their hair. To which Twilight felt mildly offended for a reason she couldn't fathom.

More than a few reporters were there that pelted them with countless questions, ranging from harmless to ludicrous. Twilight would have blasted them out of the building with her magic if the agents hadn't intervened.

Trying to avoid the people and the stares they were getting, they moved to a side room and up a flight of stairs where they eventually came to an office complex on the second floor. The agents escorted them to the end of the hall where they found a silver door that seemed to be different than the rest of them. Twilight could hear a heated discussion going on on the other side of the door with a lot of shouting that seemed to be occurring.

"Oh, dear. I hope we aren't intruding upon anything important he might be doing", Rarity thought aloud.

"Uh oh, it sounds like he forgot his morning mocha," Pinkie said humorously.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Twilight concluded as one of the agents opened the door for the three of them.

"OH THAT'S FANTASTIC YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT! DO YOU TAKE PRIDE IN BEING A SPOILED LITTLE BITCH?"

"Uhhhh," was all the three girls were able to get out of their wide-eyed slack-jawed expressions. Their eyes turned to the size of pinheads the further they overheard more of the conversation.

"GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL. EVERYTHING WAS FUCKING RAW AND RANCID. YOUR FOOD IS SHIT! DON'T SEND ONE OF YOUR LITTLE LAWYERS AFTER ME BECAUSE PEOPLE JUST HATE YOUR FOOD!"

To say that Twilight was stunned at the sight before her was an understatement.

"YOU ARE SELLING ROTTEN FOOD TO YOUR CUSTOMERS YOU DUMB FUCK!"

The man who they assumed to be the chef, was having a shouting match with somebody over the phone. He was clearly in a tense state from behind his desk. His blonde hair seemed to be ragged and his eyes bloodshot from whatever debacle he was currently facing and his ice-blue eyes were seething with an unquenchable rage. Twilight had never felt anger this intense from a person in her entire life save for Fluttershy's when she had seen Opalescence smack a baby mouse around. They watched him and whoever he was talking to shout at each other for about five minutes before it ended abruptly.

"YOU NEED SOME FUCKING PROZAC YOU STUPID LITTLE PISS ANT!"

The chef slammed the phone so hard back into its charger and ended the call that they all thought that he was really going to break it by accident. It even broke Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie out of their dumbfounded states. He then tried to breathe in deeply to calm himself down as he began rubbing his eyes with his hand.

"Just like Fieri told you, Gordon, it isn't worth it. It isn't worth it," he said to himself as he was breathing in and breathing out deeply.

Twilight tried clearing her throat to get his attention as he seemed to not have noticed them yet, and it appeared to have worked. He looked up at them from his desk and his entire demeanor instantly changed. He got up and walked over to the three of them with a small gentle smile now adorning his face.

"Hello there. I'm assuming you three are the Equestrians?" he asked cheerfully. "My apologies for you hearing all of that. I had a bit of a bad business experience recently, and I'm trying my best to work it out."

"Uh, ahem, yes. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. And these are my friends and fellow ambassadors Rarity Belle and Pinkamina Diane Pie," she said as she introduced the three of them.

"Just call me Rarity dahling," Rarity replied.

"And me Pinkie," Pinkie said as she giggled.

"A pleasure to meet you your highnesses. Call me Gordon," he replied. "Or Chef Ramsay. Whatever you prefer."

"Alright then Gordon, thank you for meeting with us. I realize this must be strange for you to be meeting us like this," she said considerately.

"Getting a call late at night that a pony princess wanted to meet with me, I did check my glass of water to see if it was laced with something but I've been through weirder things," Gordon replied while remembering an incident involving red spandex wearing mercenary with an obsession for tacos. "Although, I would like to know what this is about".

Twilight went on to explain everything that had happened in Equestria for the past few months and how they had come up empty with any answers. The explanation took about roughly fifteen minutes as Twilight insisted on going into exquisite detail about their problem. Chef Ramsay found himself thinking that Twilight could probably write a multitude of books talking specifically about their calamity.

"I must admit that we are kind of at a loss here. None of my magic can seem to detect how these ponies are getting deathly sick or why. It's happening at every major restaurant and hotel in Equestria. So when Pinkie came to me and mentioned you, I was more than skeptical at first, but your credentials impressed me when I look you up."

"That does sound like a major problem. And basically, you want me and my team to go with you: an alien princess I've just met, to a world I've never seen, to fix the problems of hotels and restaurants I know nothing about?"

Twilight began to laugh nervously. She was obviously not liking how this meeting was turning out.

"Yupper dupper Gordy," Pinkie replied cheerfully.

"That's pretty much the full story Mr. Ramsay," Rarity replied.

"The problems with all of this are multi-fold," Gordon stated concerned.

"I, unfortunately, want to keep human government officials away from Equestria for the time being, so I figured you and your team would be less of a risk if you crossed over with us."

"And you want me and my team to be the first humans to go to this...Equestria?"

The three of them nodded vigorously.

"Oh, what the heck? I don't have anything else big on the itinerary at the moment. When do we get started?"
Next Time:
Episode 0.5 - The Brit meets the Pastel Colored Ponies

Author's Note

Edit: 08/22/19 This chapter definitely needed a few edits here and there. I hope its more to people's liking now.

Edit: 03/15/20
A couple more bits of polishing to fix the chapter up

The First Nightmare part 2

Twilight, Rarity, and Chef Gordon had just arrived at Zesty Gourmand's newest eatery on Canterlot's premiere Restaurant Row where the finest culinary accomplishments in Equestria are supposed to be located. Their first impressions of her restaurant were extremely mixed as they came in to be greeted by the friendly and inviting manager of the restaurant, Miss Lemon Drop. After leaving the three in silence for a few minutes, the group noticed how drab and dull the color scheme of the restaurant was. The owner of the eatery and former high-class Food Critic Zesty Gourmand then came out of the kitchen and Gordon's first impression of her seemed mostly decent, except for the fact of his suspicions of how she treats her manager Lemon Drop.

Lemon Drop then came back out of the kitchen a few minutes later showed the trio to a table while Zesty Gourmand herself retreated into her office while her staff took care of their orders. The booth itself was by the window, allowing them to have plenty of light while they eat their food. Lemon Drop gave a short quick bow to the trio and then moved off to assist the few customers that were still in the restaurant.

Gordon gave the server a strange look and then looked back to the girls and Spike.

"So. What do you three think?" Gordon asked the three. "You have the home advantage as it was being born here and having more knowledge on Equestrian customs and culture.

"All I know about this place is what I heard from Pinkie," Spike replied. "And usually, when it comes to advise about food, I try to listen to Pinkie. And she says this place stinks."

"Zesty Gourmand is just causing all of these problems herself." Rarity snootily replied. "She makes mistakes and throws her toxic attitude at everypony else. She tried to discredit me in front of Canterlot's citizens!"

Spike knew exactly what she was alluding to the moment she said it. Pinkie had told Spike not too long ago of how venomously Zesty had spoken to Rarity while they were assisting Saffron Masala and Coriander Cumin.

"Rarity, we all know your clothes are always beautiful. Don't let what she said to get to you," Spike encouraged. "I'll be sure to give her a piece of my mind if she ever tries to talk to you like that again."

Rarity's scowl turned into a warm smile as she leaned over and pecked the young dragon on the cheek, causing him to turn as red as a ripe tomato.

"I appreciate that very much Spikey Wikey, thank you." she happily replied. "I'm just a little flustered by this whole thing that's all."

"I will say that it seems like Lemon Drop probably has something to say about all of this. You should probably get her side of the story." Twilight observed.

Gordon nodded and looked over to the kitchen door for a moment.

As if on cue, a young mare with white fur and a short yellow mane and tail came out with a forced smile. Gordon noticed that her large ears were pointed back against her head as if she was stressed out by something. She made her way over to the table in a fast walk. Not running as to be disruptive, but still keeping up a brisk pace.

Rarity put a smile on her face and gasped at the server mare coming around the corner.

"Senko dahling, Is that you?" Rarity asked.

The server mare widened her green eyes and began to smile.

"Miss Rarity! It is very good to see you again." the mare replied cheerfully. "And to serve the newest princess too! What an honor!"

Gordon noticed that she spoke in a clearly Japanese accent as she went into a bow, attempting to respect Twilight, who was clearly uncomfortable with the display.

'Does Equestria have equivalents to all of Earth's ethnicities and cultures?' he thought quizzically. 'Let's hope the English equivalents aren't as cringe-worthy as that Pipsqueak lad Pinkie introduced me to earlier.'

"Please Miss Senko, I'm here as a friend and a fellow purveyor of food alongside Gordon here."

"You two know each other?" Gordon asked Rarity politely.

"Oh very much so, yes. I worked in her Boutique as a cleaner for two years. She was always so kind to me and my family. Unfortunately, my family had to move here for personal reasons."

"I always miss your personal touch, Senko. You were always a delight to have in my shop."

Gordon thought that this might have been as good a time as any to interject and attempt to get a bit more information from the server on Zesty and the state of her restaurant.

"May I ask you a few questions my darling?" Gordon asked kindly and politely.

"Oh, um. I don't see why not," she replied. "But I don't know how much help I'm going to be though...."

"Any information will help Miss Senko. We are here to help fix this place in any way we can." Twilight stated.

She seemed to be reluctant for a moment until she looked behind her to make sure that nobody was listening, and leaned forward.

"Miss Gourmand has been having some money problems lately. I am not familiar with all of the details, but I have overheard loud shouting coming from her office late in the evening just before closing," she whispered. "I'm afraid I don't know much more than that."

"That's alright. You may have provided me with a lead to look into." Gordon replied politely. "Now, why don't we all order lunch shall we? And see whether or not this place is up to snuff."

"Yeah, I'm starving." Spike agreed.

"Yes, let's." Twilight and Rarity agreed.

Senko nodded and handed the four of them menus to look at.

Gordon noticed immediately that there was a multitude of dishes that included nothing but various types of plants and flowers. Something that was definitely going to be a problem for a human-like himself.

"Well....everything here looks, interesting. I'll give it that." Twilight said.

"What am I even looking at?" Spike asked confused.

"A typical example of a high-class restaurant with small portions my boy," Gordon replied as matter-of-factly. "These types of restaurants I usually try to leave to others, but I have had a bit of experience with them. I attempt to stay in the range of medium to large portion eateries."

"I'll help you order something fairly simple as far as these kinds of restaurants go." Twilight offered.

She then went over to Spike's side of the table and assisted him.

"I think then I will try your Petit Gold Artichoke with Walnut Sauce. Unfortunately, humans can't process most flowers and grasses without getting seriously sick." Gordon requested.

Rarity seemed to be stumped on deciding her order, so she just went to the next logical conclusion.

"I believe I will have the same as well," she replied candidly. "I am not feeling very strong one way or the other today."

Senko nodded and grabbed their plates as she began to head back into the kitchen to inform the cooks of their orders.

Inside the kitchen, many of Zesty Gourmand's staff were nervous about having to serve food to not only Rarity, one of the single most influential ponies in Canterlot, but also Spike the Saviour of the Crystal Empire and Princess Twilight, the newest Princess of Equestria. To add on top of all of that, they were preparing to serve a dignitary of an unknown race from another dimension.

"Slap Chop! Have those orders out on the double!" the head chef barked.

"I'll have them out when I'm ready!" the sous chef Slap Chop sassed back as she was lazing about on one of the spare tables.

The head chef came up to her and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck.

"Are you ready now?" he growled.

"....yeah, I'm ready," she replied sheepishly.

As Slap Chop slowly got off of the table and began making her way to her station, Flambe Briquette the head chef angrily gave her a solid smack on the plot, causing her to quietly shriek and hurry up.

Fifteen minutes later, the server pony Senko came out with two black trays and multiple plates across her back and supported by her tail as she ignited her horn and deposited all of the food on the table. She then deposited water goblets on the table for each respective customer. Senko then bowed to the group once again and then moved off to somewhere else.

As soon as their food came into sight, various types of reactions on Gordon's table, varying from extreme confusion from Spike and Twilight to disgust and apathy from Rarity and himself. What was placed in front of him looked like a small slab of green mush that had been flattened by a car tire and drizzled in an unknown substance. He tried using his fork to dig around in it, attempting to find something of worth within the dish but was sad to come up with nothing.

"Wow," Gordon exclaimed. "Doesn't that look absolutely hideous?"

"I have to strongly agree with you Gordon. This is beyond subpar," Rarity nodded.

Gordon then tried eating it as he grabbed his fork and knife and carefully sliced off a small piece of his tiny dish.

"My God, that's just mad," he said morosely. "It's chewy, stale, and feels like it's been beaten the crap out of."

He lifted the whole dish with his fork and knife and began to notice how slimy it was.

"That's just super fuckin disgusting. What about the dish you two got?"

Twilight and Spike were still busy chowing down on their food. After a minute, they painfully tried swallowing what they were served as they chugged down their water.

"Eating that Corn Spinach Tarte aux Raisins was like chewing on a piece of rubber," Twilight coughed out.

"Yeah, and feels just as rough on the way down," Spike coughed out.

Spike and Twilight only coughed more violently and violently, causing him to become more and more worried.

"Oh Lord, hold on you two. Senko my darling! Can we please get some more water over here? I'm afraid the Princess and her son are having a hard time with the food." Gordon called out with a small amount of urgency in his voice.

"Right away Chef Ramsay!" she replied fearfully.

It was only a few seconds as she dashed in and back out of the kitchen with a large tray of ice-cold glasses of water which she deposited onto the table, allowing Twilight and Spike to chug them down one by one.

Gordon looked at them with concern.

"You guys alright now?" he asked kindly.

"Yeah," they replied in unison.

"Shit weasels, that fuckin food almost killed you!" he cried.

Lemon Drop overlooking the situation from the entrance to the kitchen began smashing her head against a wall from a blatant mistake that nearly gravelly injured two of their royals. She angrily marched back into the kitchen, trying to figure out who made the mistake.

"Who the buck sent those out!?" she snapped. "The Petit Gold Artichoke with Walnut Sauce was slimy as a newt and the Petit Corn Spinach Tarte aux Raisins was tough as leather! Our newest Princess and Prince nearly choked to death on that!"

"I flipped it really quickly in a couple of seconds, but it looked ready!" one of the sous chefs replied defensively.

"Well, It obviously wasn't numb skull! Did you tenderize it and soak it for five minutes?"

"Yes I did," he replied.

"Did you overcook it?"

"No, I did not overcook it Lemon!"

Back in the dining room, after Gordon and Rarity made sure Twilight and Spike had properly recovered from their culinary mishap, Gordon tried his best to continue through eating the meal as Lemon Drop came back out to apologize for the sous chef's painful mistake.

"I'm back again," she greeted in a disappointed tone. "Are you alright now your Highness? I am so sorry for the asinine actions of my kitchen staff. Please forgive me."

"The crisis was averted, so I suppose there's no harm done," Twilight calmly replied.

"Even though it was their freaking fault that we nearly choked to death," Spike snidely remarked to Gordon.

Gordon cut a small piece of his dish and handed it to Lemon Drop.

"Here, just try a piece of that. It is so damn undercooked." he insisted.

After a moment of reluctance, Lemon did as he asked. The moment the food went on to her tongue, she tasted a multitude of bland and overcooked flavors just as he said.

"It's just smothered in that fucking sauce!"

"Yeah, I see what you mean," she agreed. "That is absolutely unacceptable."

"And just look at this," he said in an unbelieving manner as he used his fork to sweep dozens of little black clumps to the corner of the plate.

"Is that charcoal?"

"Yeah, your twat headed cooks nearly fed Rarity and I charcoal," he replied angrily.

"I agree! How is that even physically possible?" Rarity added.

"Being around Pinkie for as long as I have, you learn to be more accepting of bucking insane things happening in your life,"
Spike replied.

She rubbed the bridge of her snout with one of her hooves and began picking their plates up.

"I'll just take those away for you and see if I can't get you something better." Lemon Drop said tiredly.

Back in the kitchen, Lemon Drop deposited the plates on the preparing line for the cooks to see.

"He found clumps of what looks like charcoal in his food. CHARCOAL!" Lemon Drop angrily said to the cooks. "It made the food all grungy and nasty!"

A few of the sous chefs there tasted the food and nearly puked from what they tasted.

Zesty Gourmand who had just stepped into the kitchen to check on progress a few minutes ago was taken aback by this. She rushed over to where the plates were and examined them. After a few seconds, a furious glare adorned her face.

"Charcoal?!? I give you all positions at my prestigious restaurant and this is how you repay my kindness?!? By causing accidents that nearly poisons my most prestigious customers?!?" Zesty snapped. "Get their next dishes out on the double and do it right this time!!!"

"I am not usually willing to speak candidly like this, but since Her Majesty Princess Luna commanded that we speak with you, I suppose there is no hiding anything Monsieur interviewer," Zesty said to the cameramen interviewing her. "However, if I see another bungle like that from them, I will make it my life's work to ruin their lives."

Interlude: Interrogations, Humans, and Newscasts (Updated 8/2/21)

The prior evening to Gordon and Twilight's restoration of Burger Princess Shack, a contingent of Royal Guard had arrived in Ponyville. Their task was to arrest and escort alleged conspirators Red Skillet and Tulip back to the capital where they were to be personally interrogated by the Princess of the Moon herself. With the rumors of the Cult of Tirek emerging in Equestria, the Royal Sisters had to be certain that the older couple weren't involved themselves. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had them tied up and walked to the train station under close observation where a Royal Guard staff Sergeant took the suspects off their hooves. The train ride was only a few hours, but the ride felt more like years for the couple in question. It might as well have been. They arrived accordingly with minimal attention from the public there. Noble ponies had their noses in the metaphorical clouds and only a couple of the middle class that lived there took any notice of the procession. They were hauled into an armored, blacked-out carriage with steel bars across the windows and a thick magic resistant glass pane blocking off themselves from the driver ponies.

The Princesses were there at the central plaza to meet the guard squad amidst the tradeoff to the Castle's personal legion. Normally, the interrogation would be handled by the Royal Guard's punishment squad in the new above-ground precinct, but the princesses asked specially to intervene in this instance. If only to brush up their old skills from days long past.

"So how do you want to do this Lulu?" Celestia asked. "It's been quite a while since we've done any meaningful investigations into anything. This is a very serious matter. We must know the whereabouts of the last vestiges of the Cult of Tirek. Even if it's only a few small remnants, even if they are pathetically weak remnants, I'd rather not allow them to regain their former strength."

"With our education into Earthen media, I have a proposal. Good mare, bad mare. Apparently, it's the oldest game in their book, though they failed to mention the name of the book in question. I go in strong, and then you come in. We can make up the rest. First Red, and then Tulip. Even if they're innocent, we must know for certain. It's been too long since I've had any fun with potential enemies of the kingdom. "

"Hm. I think I can handle that," Celestia replied.

Red was tossed into a sterile room with an enchanted one-way mirror. A single table and two chairs were all that was provided. He gulped in apprehension, not liking where all of this was going but still glad he could bring his father's crimes to a proper conclusion. Sitting down with a thud, the silver chair scraped across the cement floor, screeching as it scratched and clung. Silence filled the room for a minute and all Red could hear was the sound of his own breathing.

Suddenly, the door burst open and the two royal sisters came in with guards visibly outside the room ready to pounce in at a moment's notice. Red had the urge to stand up out of his chair and bow to his true rulers, but their stoic expressions kept him still and silent. He felt his teeth stiffening and locking in place nervously, not wanting to so much as breath. Luna slowly walked over with a fire in her eyes.

"Listen you piece of dragon shit, it's just you and me and I'm gonna rip you apart!" Luna growled.

She pushed the chair backward and leaned it back against the wall so Red was staring up into her eyes, shadowed even more by the light of the room. Her Canterlot voice in this tiny room without the proper acoustics was given a unique sound.

"WHERE ARE YOUR ASSOCIATES FROM THE CULT? HUH!?!!? ARE YOU WORKING FOR THEM NOW??!?"

Red was beginning to panic. He looked to Princess Celestia. The loving, caring, compassionate ruler of Equestria. Surely she would listen to his story.

"May I please talk to you, your majesty? You look reasonable!" he pleaded.

She appeared to merely be staring at her hooficure vainly and pulled out a file absent-mindedly tending to them. Blank-faced and innocent for a couple of seconds amid Luna's protests, but snapped completely without warning as she levitated Red onto the table, and leaped up, banging her head against the ceiling light. It swung back and forth creating a rather epileptic atmosphere.

"YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME? DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME? HUH? I'M GONNA MAKE YOU EAT A PLATE OF HUMAN SHIT!"

She went insane screaming and throwing the table and chair around all over the room, shattering the one-way mirror and tackling Red to the ground in a heap of wings and fur. Luna trying to pull her sister back jumped into the pile herself, making things worse.

Luna and Celestia were breathing sighs of relief back outside, finally calming down, as they walked down one side of the precinct courtyard. She was unnaturally calm, despite the prior interaction.

"I'm sorry Luna. I saw how much fun you were having being aggressive and I thought...Wow, that's good. I gotta go even bigger than that since we were doing bad mare, bad mare."

"What??? Where did you get that idea? I said good mare, bad mare. I'm the bad mare, you're the good mare."

"Ok, then there it is," she replied sweetly. "Hoo, that was fun! That escalated quickly. I mean really got out of hoof fast!"

"Sister, you are one crazy old mare. Take a look at the results of the mind probe I snuck into Red."

Luna materialized a tall stack of reports with a flash of blue light and floated them over to Celestia who grabbed them and scanned through each of them quickly. She flipped through them like a flipbook darting her eyes faster than her younger sister could track.

"I still have no idea how you can do that. Who did you say taught you that again?"

"Just a certain ruggedly charming stallion with curly gray hair, a very sexy Trottish accent, and a talent for guitars and magic screwdrivers."

"Oh yes, one of your many cosmic boyfriends, of course," Luna rolled.

As Celestia finished reading the reports, her face went back to neutral, but concerned.

"He really doesn't know..." Celestia concluded.

"Yes, I came to that conclusion as well. It seems Clay Skillet didn't believe Red was worthy enough to be trusted with a deeper knowledge of their organization. Though, I have an idea as to whom might have that information."

"Tulip?"

"Precisely."

Into the next few hours, the guards outside the bottom floor of Tulip Skillet's interrogation cell could swear to their wives and foals they saw gallons of milk and gumdrops leaking out of the room while nursery rhymes were being shrieked in the Canterlot Royal Voice. All present made an unspoken agreement to never speak of the horrors that they witnessed that day. The sugary, sweet horrors.

"RUN, RUN, RUN, AS FAST AS YOU DARE! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! I'M THE GINGERBREAD MARE!!!"

Back in Ponyville, Gordon and Twilight were taking the day off, relaxing from the stress of their most exhausting nightmare to date. Everyone had woken up once again in the luxurious confines of Friendship Castle. Gordon's room was still simple and only had a bed, end table, lamp, and alarm clock, but it was comfortable enough for him. He idly thought about buying some books to expand his knowledge of Equestria's various flora and fauna. In that same way, he needed to think about their next outing and what kind of subject matter they were going to tackle.

He put on some casual clothes and went downstairs, finding everyone already eating in the dining hall. The striking red banners and tablecloths in this room contrasted well with the castle's cooler violet crystals. It gave off a royal air that Gordon was still impressed with. Spike was the first to see him walk into the hall and waved to him. The other girls including Goldie and Gilda were seated at the table, eating and conversing with one another. Bowls of fruit, pancakes, waffles, muffins, bread, scones, and jams sat scattered about the table while the ponies absent-mindedly ate. Gordon saw what was most likely their equivalent to hash browns on their plates along with sizable stacks of pancakes and eggs prepared differently for each pony.

"Howdy do Gordon! Good mornin!" Applejack exclaimed.

"Good morning sleepy head!" Pinkie chimed in.

Rainbow, Spike, and Gilda only perked up and waved their hoof and claw simultaneously in greeting while mumbling something with their mouths full of food. Goldie, Rarity, and Fluttershy greeted him last, daintily and politely as they could.

"Sorry if I missed anything ladies, I really needed a full night's sleep after the past few days," Gordon apologized.

"That's alright. You looked so exhausted. We only got here thirty minutes ago anyway," Fluttershy consoled.

"Yeah, I heard about that," Gilda replied. "Some Far South Eastern hicks turned traitor right?"

Rarity coughed delicately coughed awkwardly at the griffon's phrasing but reiterated.

"Lord Tirek's supporters as it were, but yes."

"Scary stuff."

"C'mon down here Gordon! I have your food and coffee ready to go!" Spike announced.

Gordon smiled kindly at the little drake who was pulling out a chair for him as he approached. He patted the boy on the head who soaked up the praise.

"Why thank you, Spike! I'll take you up on that!"

"Your welcome! That's what I'm here for!"

The human sat down to his extensive breakfast, including a bowl of fruit, a small stack of pancakes, a small pile of scrambled eggs, and some real hash browns. All accompanied by a nicely sized cup of earthy, rich-smelling coffee which he drank heartily. The warmth went down his throat and all the way down to his toes as he finally felt the sleepiness going away.

Twilight put her newspaper down and looked at Gordon, finally greeting him with a smile.

"Oh! I didn't notice you were here Gordon! Sorry about that." Twilight apologized. "I must have been zoning out."

"You're fine. Just glad to have the company. What are you looking over exactly though?"

"Reports on hundreds of businesses trying to get us to look them over. Some are probably just looking for the attention and the press. But I see a lot of these that legitimately might be good for us." she said. "But I believe it's time for us to mix things up."

"How so?"

"You mentioned one of your other shows? The one we talked about on the way back from Griffonstone."

"Oh yes!" Gordon exclaimed. "Did you want to move on to that for the moment?"

Twilight nodded and drank her tea and folded the newspaper neatly, levitating it back onto the table.

"Yes, but we need a good place to start. Do you have your gear for that show?" Twilight asked.

"Never leave home without them," he joked. "Our camera equipment could use a good cleaning though. That hike left a couple of our cameras in poor shape."

"Rarity and I can handle that. She may not be as familiar with technology as I am, but she does have a concept of cleaning delicate objects."

Spike came back into the room and sat down in one of the chairs with a blueberry muffin in his claws.

"I don't know how your electric ones work, but do you have a studio to give those cameras to?" Spike asked. "I'd imagine that you would need to if Earth is going to see your show."

"That's good vigilance on that, my boy," Gordon complimented. "Yes, we have Fox and ITV Studios. We'll need to go back to Earth to broadcast the footage, but we don't have to worry about that for a while."

"Why not?"

"It usually takes a few months for post-production on a full season of the show." Jay jumped in. "Even then, tv stations have to properly schedule time slots for each episode premiere."

"A time slot?" Spike asked.

"Basically it means that since there are already thousands of tv shows on every station and network, the network has to properly plan out which one is shown and when during the day. The slots are the periods of time that the shows or movies are shown. Primetime, what we might be aiming for is between 7 PM to 11 PM. Just after dinner for most people."

Twilight giggled and clapped her hooves in delight, wanting to see what kind of organizational process the networks use for such a practice. She materialized a notebook and scribbled down everything she heard. Jay went through the arduous tasks of post-production in media such as editing, financing, localizing, merchandising, captioning for the audience, etc.

"Knowing how much you filmed, I will definitely have to go back to Earth with you and your team Gordon. Do you have people you can trust back home? For the time being, the four princesses including me have to be very strict about what goes to and from Earth."

"Oh sure. Yeah, I know a few people who can pull some strings." Gordon stated. "We haven't quite reached a season length of episodes yet though. So we won't have to worry about Postproduction for a while."

"That's good for our purposes. However, I do have an idea to sate the curiosity of everyone on Earth."

"What's that?"

"Something Applejack could help with."

"What's that sugar? I don't know all that much about that fancy human television." the golden earth pony questioned.

"Oh! I know! I know! I know!" Pinkie chattered. "A concert! You want to do a concert!"

"You talking about Rara? I guess I could call that girl up and see what she thinks. I'll do my best to hook you up if it will help Gordon."

"Who?" Gordon asked.

"Ah yes! Countess Coloratura." Rarity surmised.

Twilight ignited her horn and showed Gordon an image of the mare in question. A white unicorn with a dark-colored mane and a colorful cutie mark.

"She's our newest music idol. From what I understand, Earth is familiar with that process." Twilight explained.

"We just say singer or star, It's more Japan and Korea that says idol."

"We solved a friendship problem between her and Applejack not too long ago," Fluttershy added.

"She did have a pretty grouchy manager," Pinkie justified.

"Haven't been much into singing," Gilda mumbled. "But I guess I'm gonna have to get used to that living here."

"It gets easier after a while," Rainbow encouraged the griffin.

"You want to use a concert...to promote the next show and you want us to film it?" Gordon asked. "You can do that?"

Applejack, looking proud of herself lifted her head proudly into the air with a whiff of superiority.

"You kidding? Rara will get those humans back at yer home eating out of her hooves by the time she's done with them," Applejack preened.

"I don't know...a concert for a reality show about cleaning and restoring hotels sounds a bit much."

"Oh come on!" Pinkie exclaimed. "It'll be fun! I can finally try out my new Sax a Boom!"

"Don't forget Gordon. This isn't just for your show." Twilight reminded. "Our service and farming industry has gotten unusually lazy as of late. Whether it's because of the constant threat of monsters and villains, naivety, arrogance, or just overall laziness. That in turn has been passed to other ponies whether its getting sick, injured, or just passing on the negative aspects of the places they eat or sleep at. Numerous pandemics and famines have popped up from this and it's hurting us badly. This has evolved far beyond just normal friendship problems."

"Well, I certainly do what I can to help," Gordon affirmed. "You've been quite nice to be around."

Gordon was thoroughly impressed by the ideas these girls were putting his way. Just knowing how much pull these girls had in their land just by solving "friendship problems". A concept that he wished could make things easier back on Earth. If what she was saying was true, then of course, he would do his best to help. He still had doubts about the concert, but if it got him more business in Equestria, and back on Earth, he supposed that it would do more good than harm. The most it would do was harm his gruff, serious persona in the eyes of the public.

'Oh, fuck it. I should lighten up a bit. I mean, I've done silly things before for Disney.' Gordon thought reminiscing about his sketch with The Muppets.

"We do however have some precedent for going back to Earth. Your team recorded a lot of Ponyville and the inside of the Castle. So I will need to follow you back to Earth for security reasons. The Princess was very clear on the restrictions between Equis and Earth." Twilight explained.

That made sense to the human. He knew that more than several parties in both dimensions would be more than willing to cause trouble. So limiting knowledge and heavily watching anything being sent back and forth wasn't without precedent.

"Sure, we can do that. Jay will run you through the editing process back at the office," Gordon agreed.

"After that, we'll give that "footage" to your media as just a small taste. This is a diplomatic exchange too. We have to give up something."

"Sounds like a really big hassle if you ask me," Gilda commented as she threw another muffin into her beak.

"We could take a small trip back," Gordon suggested. "I don't mind."

Everyone's attention was on the human and they looked at each other, liking the idea.

"Do you think I could come along this time Twilight?" Rainbow asked. "I wanna see their crazy weather."

"I suppose a trip there couldn't hurt. Just to let my family know everything is alright." Gordon agreed.

"Think you could hand me something to write on and with Twi? Rara will probably want the scoop on everything," Applejack asked.

The alicorn nodded and materialized writing materials which the earth pony grabbed. Everyone marveled at just how fast Applejack filled up the entire piece of paper within only a couple of seconds. Her head appeared to be vibrating with the quill in her teeth. She made what looked like her signature at the bottom, and in one fluid movement, licked the envelope, folded the letter, and whipped it into the envelope. She handed it over to the dumbstruck alicorn who grabbed it in her magical grasp.

"Can all ponies do that?" Gordon and Gilda asked in unison.

"I taught her!" Pinkie offered.

"Yeah, you'd be surprised how exhausting writing well over a thousand letters a dozen times a year can get." Applejack groaned. "Especially with a family like the Apples. Pink taught me to do it fast."

"You ponies seriously need to develop email and develop it fast." he chuckled.

Gilda and Goldie coughed politely into their claws to get everyone's attention. Gordon and Rainbow looked at them first.

Gilda scratched her front-facing crest nervously and appeared to be blushing through her feathers.

"Do you think, ya know. Is it okay if Gold and I can...uh...come?" she asked.

"You want to come to Earth with us?" Twilight replied.

"Yeah...that. Sorry. Not used to asking favors yet."

"We just wish to finally see the human world if that is quite alright with you your majesty," Goldie said properly. "If you will allow it that is."

Twilight and Gordon smiled and agreed, not seeing any harm in the suggestion. Pinkie and Rainbow smiled dangerously at each other as if coming up with an evil scheme. Pinkie moved off somewhere and came back, wearing an Aclopuco shirt and a pair of Wonderbolt glasses. She placed the same on Gilda, including a bucket hat and a long bubble cigarette. The action deeply disturbed the hen, but not as much as the way Pinkie talked. She even turned off somewhere a few times, insisting it was an unseen audience.

"Just follow us closely kid," Pinkie said in a husky voice. "We'll show you the Equestrian Dream, and Ponk...Journalism.

A week later...

It had been a few weeks since Chef Gordon Ramsay had been invited to Equestria by Princess Twilight Sparkle herself and the whole Earth was in an uproar of speculation as to what he was experiencing. Most hypotheses' were outlandish and over the top, of course, being the fact that nobody had ever seen Equestria yet. Gordon's family in South London were worried the most. Gordon had told his wife Tana and his children that he was taking a trip somewhere strange. Tana didn't think anything of it, as her husband's international escapades were accepted and expected. But interdimensional travel with a pastel-colored unicorn with wings? A little hard to swallow, to say the least. Their children asked Tana so many questions that she had no answer to.

That night, Tana and the kids came in as usual and she prepared dinner after another busy day. Jack and Oscar were causing a ruckus, the girls were busy with their studies. Comfortable noise she considered it to be. Her cooking, while not as good as her husband's, was still quite masterful. Being around such a world-class chef for so long, she was bound to have some of his skills rub off on her. She turned on the TV to the BBC, expecting to hear the usual garbage going on in the world. Instead, though, she got something strange.

"Princess Twilight Sparkle and Chef Gordon Ramsay have returned to Earth! This just in!"

Tana nearly panicked as she dropped the knife in surprise, barely jumping out of the way before it hit the ground. She ran into the living room and called their children. They all gathered together to watch the news unfold.

"Just this morning, Chef Gordon Ramsay and the alien Princess Twilight Sparkle spontaneously returned to Earth. While she could not comment on one of our correspondents, Princess Twilight had informed the media that she is here to edit and allow footage to Earth of her country Equestria. Jay Hunter, Gordon's Ramsay's director has made a statement that he wishes to not only release the footage but release a trailer in just a moment regarding the Chef's new show in Equestria."

The phone suddenly rang, shaking Tana out of her mesmerized state, and ran over, grabbing their house phone off of the wall.

"Tana are you there?" a familiar voice asked.

"Gordon? Thank God! We were starting to get worried. We just saw on the news!"

"Hey Dad!" the kids called excitedly.

Gordon laughed good-naturedly through the phone.

"Yeah, sorry about that. The past few weeks have been a little...complicated," he admitted.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm better than fine! The portal was a little dicey back and forth, but Twilight here helped me through it all."

"Making friends with the alien princess already? Jeez, you really do get around," Tana chuckled while breathing out a sigh of relief.

Gordon explained what they were doing back and Las Vegas. Some of it is ordinary business and some of it was introducing two more Equestrians. Griffons this time to Earth. With comedically mixed results, but he felt uncomfortable mentioning those results to his wife and kids.

"Equestria is quite the place! A little strange, but everyone is friendly enough."

"We're sure glad to hear that."

"I have to head back in a week, but thankfully Twilight thinks the portal is safe enough for us to travel consecutively back and forth. So we don't need to worry about that anymore."

"I definitely have a LOT of questions for you love."

Gordon went through the events of his extra-dimensional trip since first setting foot in Equestria. Regaling all of the madness and the idiosyncrasies of the ponies that lived there. She gasped a couple of times hearing about some of his injuries from the...less than cordial inhabitants of the magical land. Though she was glad to hear that he had plenty of protection and help along the way.

"I think Jay's little project will explain everything. You might be in for a little bit of a shock," Gordon chuckled.

As if the TV was responding to his voice, the newscast moved to something new.

"The BBC has just received a copy of the hour-long edited footage of Equestria," the anchor lady announced. "Ladies and gentleman of Earth, let us all marvel at this new world."

The footage was relatively standard to Gordon, having seen much of Ponyville already. For his wife and daughters, however, everything was absolutely astounding. Equestria was quite beautiful to their credit, and he shared the kinds of reactions they are having now. He could imagine everyone was too. Twilight led the cameramen through the "known" parts of the castle since she had only just discovered 25 percent of it. The other 75 percent of the castle was a complete mystery to the alicorn. Being told the castle grew out of the ground from a solid crystal tree didn't make it any easier to understand.

"Now, I'll show you the Friendship Council Throne Room," Twilight proudly stated. "It was created by our "power source" when I fulfilled a requirement as Princess."

She went up a few flights of stairs and down a few more corridors until they reached a cavernous room Gordon had only seen once before. The six crystal thrones with each of their respective cutie marks encircled a massive stone table with strange markings on it.

"This is where my fellow royals and I conduct meetings and discuss the various conflicts and problems that plague Equestria. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna manage the country as a whole along with bigger problems. While we manage the nation on a micro-scale and deal with conflicts before they occur. We define those smaller conflicts as "friendship problems" which is almost always the basis. Sometimes though, we do deal with monsters and "terrorists" as I believe humans call their villains."

Back at the office in Las Vegas, Gordon realized Twilight left out explaining the magical "conflict detecting" map in the middle of the room, which was probably for the best. He could only imagine how many paranoid nations and news organizations would take that.

It went on like this for the better part of an hour, cutting to different times and places. It was in Ponyville, they handled the unusual human guests a little better than in other places. However somewhere like Canterlot, where ponies noticeably had an awkward time introducing themselves through the glass nosed black boxes some hairless ape was pointing at them. Some handled it better than others. Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis, enraptured by the new technology ate up everything and listened to their instructions. Gordon was quite glad that those two were very open minded ponies.

One pony who introduced herself as Lyra Heartstrings had a chair already angled away from the camera like a proper interview and told the cameramen to stand in a specific spot. Everyone could hear her arguing with somepony else in the background as she levitated a chair into the frame and sat down on it like a human. She crossed her hind legs in a "comfortable" human position she had heard about. The result was quite humorous for everyone back on Earth.

"She's so cute!" Tana cooed.

Nearing the last twenty minutes, the shots cut to Canterlot Castle and its grand architecture. To say that many people watching were amazed by it was an understatement. Twilight's Castle and Canterlot Castle were implausible feats that one might see out of a child's fantasy book. Here they were though, larger than life and real for all to see. Gordon realized that much of that footage in particular was taken when he visited Canterlot for the first time. This is probably why music took up the audio for the majority of the segment. Soon enough, the main throne room was shown and the audience was introduced to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna who graciously took the time to take small interviews from Jay.

"Greetings Earth, I am Princess Celestia." Celestia greeted.

"And we are Princess Luna," Luna greeted. "We were certainly surprised when our fellow Princess Twilight discovered that we were certainly not alone in the cosmos."

"Or that the beings she discovered were a wonderful, charming race," Celestia glowed. "I certainly hope we can continue to talk and expand our relations in the future."

As the pleasantries went on, the footage soon ran out and their first look into Equestria had come to an end. The shot moved back to the anchorwoman who smiled and kept her cool as best as she could.

"That was certainly quite the astonishing sight. We shall keep you updated and try to seek more footage from Princess Twilight. Now though, both the Princess and Gordon Ramsay have something special planned for you all which we shall show in just a moment."

After a quick commercial break, the broadcast came back and she introduced the video as it began to play.

It showed various clips from her husbands' many shows throughout the years. The narrator was the same one her husband had been using for many of his shows, including Kitchen Nightmares. Their daughters were cheering for their father with every shot.

"Chef Gordon Ramsay has battled poor conditions and poor cooking the world over, Traveled to the four corners of the globe, learned recipes from countless cultures, and has been a stalwart teacher of cooking in the next generation. As well as providing awareness for endangered animals."

The image shifted to a crane shot of him standing side by side with the Princess, just outside Hell's Kitchen. The pony was smiling warmly at the camera while Gordon was stoic and strong as always.

"Now, for the first time, Chef Gordon Ramsay is taking a trip to the other side of reality. To a brand new world, with new Nightmares and Hells to tackle. Princess Twilight's land has come overrun with an epidemic of food sickness and sanitation problems. How will these ponies handle our human atom bomb? We have a quarter of a season done with one show, but I think it's time we switch to something all know very well."

Strange static came and a visual of a swirling vortex filled the screen, along with humanoid forms stretching and spinning along endless streams of color. When the image finally cleared up, Gordon and Twilight were walking through the long dark corridors of some castle at night. A song Tana knew too well began playing in the background. Following behind were nightmarishly adorable bat-winged ponies carrying spears and showing their pearly white teeth to the camera. All around, debris and navy blue flames were falling, giving the environment quite the hellish vibe. A taller blue mare wearing a black cloak, trying to be intimidating, gave Gordon a glowing red key with a double H H. Tana held back a laugh, knowing what kind of madness was coming. When the Princess and Gordon entered a room with all manner of eldritch horrors, the screen drastically switched to a wide shot of a stage.

Some strangely dressed white pony with a dual-colored mane was strutting along the stage with backup dancers. Lights of different colors gleamed, illuminating the stage in an eerie rainbow. Tarantulas and snakes crawling and slithering all over the stage. It was a split second, but she swore she saw a little yellow and pink mare catch the spiders before they fell off the stage. All around, tesla coils blasted lighting over the stage that seemed to enhance the mare's singing. Her voice was beautiful, but all of the additions made her sound hilariously domineering. The crowd of ponies all around her in the stadium were screaming in jubilation at her every word.

Thursday is pay-day so I thought I'd have some fun
Go down to the hotel and find me some action
They say that's where it happens
They say that's where it's at
But when I paid the doorman I knew I'd smelt a rat
The band playing in the corner maybe Clopton, Buck, or Jimi
No one seemed to care much someone said it sounded tinny
Well so much for the good time then the rat began to smell
I knew I'd hit the middle of Hotel Hell

I headed for the mare's room feeling like a long lost pup
But it was overcrowded with fillies all throwing up
So I crossed my legs and went back to the bar
Someone trapped my shoulder
Hey they just ripped off your chariot
So much for the good time so much for the fun
So much for my Chevy, I shoulda brought my hun!!!!!!!!

When the mare hit the high note, fountains of fire, lava, and sparks poured out of the stage and into a pool below.

Hotel, Hotel Hell stand aside everybody I'm gonna rebel
Hotel, Hotel Hell if you think the beer is rotten
You should see the clientele

At that stanza, a fifty-foot screen materialized behind the stage replaying the "hallway scene" everyone had just witnessed.

When I got back you know my chariot had been smashed
I went back inside to get my paycheck cashed
Some mare came up to me and said
How about a chat
Like to read some poetry or maybe paint my flat
She said I like your body but gee I hate your face
When it gets dark enough come over to my place
So much for the good time see you later Jezabel
Show me to the door I gotta leave this Hotel Hell

I saw Frankenstein, Gargantua, and Eskimo Hell
Down at this place they call Hotel Hell
Someone stole my trousers and tore off my lapel
At this place out in the suburbs called Hotel Hell!!!!

As the music started to quiet down for the moment, until just the drums were playing, a pink mare with frizzy hair came out playing a saxophone solo. Her saxophone though looked more like a toy. It was certainly smaller and completely yellow with a purple mouthpiece and noticeably bigger buttons going down the neck.

When Thursday comes around you know I'm staying home
Yes I've learn't my lesson there's no way I'm gonna roam
From the room above the laundromat on the dirty side of town
When the fridge is always full and the beers not watered down
Where they never lock their cars or punch each other heads
Spike your drinks with mandies or try to sell you reds
Where Clopton, Buck, and Jimi are jamming in the sun
And the girls are very friendly I think I'll get me one
You know I've had a good time drinking my moselle
Forget about this place they call Hotel Hell

Hotel, Hotel Hell bad place to visit and a rotten place to dwell
Hotel, Hotel Hell ain't nothing like there ain't no parallel

The entire stadium erupted into roars of applause and cheers and the singer pony bowed to the audience and bowed to the camera in the background.

"Hey, ponies of Equestria! Why don't we give applause for those nice humans on Earth?" the mare called out. "I hope you folks over there enjoyed this!"

Everypony roared even louder as they turned around to the camera and waved vigorously as an iris shrank into the screen and everything faded out.

When the shot moved back to the anchorwoman, she was noticeably stunned and at a complete loss for words. Needless to say, everyone else around the world was the same. In a single moment, that day the Earth really did standstill. Silence permeated out into the void of space. Until that too cracked and for that day, every human on Earth cheered for what was to come. Everyone responded to the broadcast with their own roars of jubilation.

Gordon himself didn't know what this would do to their respective worlds, but he was glad in that moment that the madness was working in his favor.

Next Time: Hotel Hell Prologue: Drunk Griffons and Helpful Zebras

Author's Note

Something a little weird and wild to keep your interest. Sure, its silly but I hope it was entertaining.

As always, I'll make changes as needed

First major update: 8/2/2021