“Thanks again, Rarity. You can take my measurements again any time you want!” you yell, darting out from Carousel Boutique wearing an entirely new set of clothes and carrying more. You were beginning to think there was something to this magic stuff because she made you three full outfits in fifteen minutes, all without having ever seen anything other than your majestic form.

“You didn’t…” Atlas hesitated, “I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone with her!”

“Jeez Atlas, nothing happened! Relax!”

“What was all that about taking your measurements? I know a euphemism when I hear one.”

“No that’s actually… Her measuring tape broke, so she had to guess. She wants me to come back when she gets a new one so she can alter these.”

“I find that highly improbable, but no more improbable than anything else that’s happened thus far.” Atlas conceded, trudging alongside you as you walked back to the inn.

“So what are we doing today?” you ask with all the incessant annoyance of an impatient schoolchild.

“We’re going back to the Everfree. Twilight wants to see if she can’t figure out how you got here.”

“You mean the super scary forest we made it out of without so much as seeing another creature?”

“Yes. We were unbelievably lucky. Even given my experience.”

“Your experience as a rock scientist or-”

“Ugh, that’s not what the geo- is for. It’s geography, not geology.”

“Nerrrrrrrrrrrd.”

“I hope you trip and fall in a patch of poison joke.”

“Poison what? I thought you said poison joke for a moment.”

“I did. It’s a very dangerous plant that grows all over the Everfree. There’s no telling what reaction it’ll cause until it’s too late.”

“Sounds dumb, especially with a name like that,” you decree.

“You sound-” Atlas started, catching himself. “You know what, I thought we were cool after last night.”

“Wouldn’t it be suspicious if I was all of the sudden not a dick to you, though?” you ask, “I mean it’s likely someone would figure out you-know-what, but at worst they might think I’m gay!”

“You worry about that way too much to be somepony who is comfortable with their sexual orientation.”

“Since when did you turn into a fuckin’ psychologist, huh? I don’t like dudes, bro!”

“Just saying. Maybe ‘magical talking pony land’ as you keep calling it isn’t the only thing that’s a change for you…” Atlas offered, opening the door to the inn with his magic.

“You know what, Atlas,” you seethe, “you can suck my fat hairy cock.” The same inkeeper from last night just happened to be staring directly at you as you said that. “FUCK!”

You dropped off your new outfits, refusing to say so much as a word to Atlas the entire time. After you dropped off your clothes and left the inn once more, you both set out for the Everfree Forest, basically retracing your steps once more. This world had a lot more walking than you would have hoped.

“So, uh, let’s talk about something else,” you offer.

“Like what?” Atlas asks

“I dunno. Tell me things about Equestria or something.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I guess… what’s an Element of Harmony?”

All of the sudden a familiar purple pony seemed to magically appear out of nowhere, sneaking up behind you.

“Hi Anon, Atlas!” Twilight beamed, “Couldn’t help but overhear your question there! Can I Atlas?”

“Sure, Twily.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?” she asked before turning to you, “The Elements of Harmony defend Equestria and the balance of harmony from any threats. There’s six of us…”

If you were going to be honest with yourself, you really didn’t hear much more after that. But it made for a nice distraction to get you back to that spot in the middle of the Everfree. Anything would be less boring than that walk, even hearing Purple Fur McStarButt give a lecture that seemed magically enchanted to put you to sleep.

“We’re here!” Atlas piped up, finally freeing you of the never ending monologue.

“What are we doing here again?”

“I want to revisit what happened yesterday. See if I can’t figure out how you got here, Anon.”

“How you gonna do that, I basically fell from the sky according to Em… uh, according to Atlas.”

“Magic” she squeaked, her eyes brightening. Her horn followed shortly after, sparking to life as she did god-knows-what.

“I’d leave her be, Anon” Atlas cautioned. The urge to fuck with her only grew stronger, but you restrained yourself. You still weren’t sure if the purple sorceress liked you or not.

“Yeah, I ain’t goin’ anywhere near her when that thing’s on. Not after what she threatened to do last night,” you joked.

“All done!” she exclaimed. “Three observations: First, I have no clue how Anon got here. There’s no trace of magic or energy or any kind of space-time manipulation. Second, there was a lot of love given off recently here, you were right about the Changeling harvesting, Atlas.” She paused, drawing a little closer to you two and whispering under her breath, “Third, and don’t be alarmed… There’s a Changeling somewhere very close by. I can’t tell where, they’re masking themselves, but they’re here.”

Atlas bristled.

“Oh no!” you exclaimed in mock panic, “Atlas told me they’re horrible, evil creatures! That they suck the very souls out of any creature they find! What do we do?”

“Eh, like I said. No reason to be worried. Most Changelings are incredibly weak. Atlas could probably take one down, and he couldn’t, to use his words, hurt a breezie if he wanted to.”

“Oh really?” you chuckled, “Atlas said they’re strong, tough, capable of besting even a dragon in hand-to-hand combat… Hoof to hoof combat? Hoof to claw? Nevermind.”

Twilight snickered, “Little bit too enamored with what you’re researching, huh Atlas?”

“Wha? Oh, yeah… Guess I went a bit overboard.”

“So Atlas,” you asked, anticipating the implicit beatdown you were going to lord over Metamora, “Is Twilight right? Could you beat up a Changeling?”

“I… uh,” Atlas stammered, clearly flustered by this line of inquiry, “Depends on the Changeling.”

“What do you mean? You’re not saying there are different subspecies of Changeling are you?” Twilight asked

“I uh… That’s not, well uh… I don’t have any proof but… The evidence points to that, yes.”

“Fascinating.” Twilight said, “Now Atlas, run back to town and fetch the Royal Guards!”

“Whoa, what do we need guards for, we haven’t even seen this Changeling!” you exclaim.

“We’re going to hunt it down and end it. Anything this close to Ponyville is a danger to society.”

“Hold on. Wait just a minute here. Twilight, you’re saying we’re going to kill it?”

“Yes. We need to terminate it.”

“Kill, Twilight. Say it. You want to kill something. You. Kill.”

“I, uh…” she paused. “Well, um…”

“Twilight, we’re not killing anything. Murder is a serious crime where I come from, and I can’t imagine that happy sunshine and rainbow pastel pony world is more okay with that than the bleak hellscape I come from.”

“It’s a pest!”

“It’s a creature that’s doing no harm, living in its natural environment that we invaded, right Atlas?”

Hearing his name he unstuck himself from the disconnected panic he had worked himself into, “Uh yeah…”

“You don’t understand!”

“Twilight, I don’t care what you say, nobody’s killing anyone today. We’re going to leave, go back to town, and you’re going to keep your horn turned the fuck off,” you command, “I don’t need you blasting a hole through my dick just because you see your shadow. C’mon Atlas, we’re leaving.”

You start walking back the direction you came, Atlas mindlessly in tow with Twilight falling in lockstep after a few moments of indecision.

“That’s what I thought,” you gloat, “Now let’s get back to town. I’m hungry enough that I’m not immediately ready to throw up at the thought of a flower sandwich.”

Neither one of them said much of anything on the walk back. Atlas still seemed shook up for obvious reasons, and you were certain that Twilight was internally grappling with the fact that she had lost a battle of morality against the biggest sack of shit the universe had to offer. The walk back, despite the silence, was somehow more tolerable. Probably the self-righteousness at work, but you didn’t care.

Regretting your earlier statement, you decided against a flower-filled sandwich and instead decided you were leading your two shadows on a wild goose chase to find that bakery you passed that one time. What was it called again, Sugarcane Square? Eventually you asked Atlas to point you in the right direction, and it turns out you were only a block away and you had passed it three times. Fuck this pastel pony town and their fucking non-euclidean streets.

You waltzed inside, ordering a hearty quiche for yourself and a cupcake each for Mr. and Mrs. silent treatment. You made Atlas pay because you had no fucking idea how money worked in this obviously anti-capitalist economic nightmare. You devoured your quiche as Atlas and Twilight just picked at their cupcakes, still wholly silent.

“Jeez, fuck this shit. If you guys aren’t going to say anything then I might as well just go take a fucking nap,” you declare in irritation, “Atlas, come on. Twilight, we’ll catch up later. Peace.” You led Atlas onward, holding on to the scruff of his neck until he started walking without any input. The walk back to the inn wasn’t too far, but you noticed Atlas still wasn’t saying anything. As you got closer and closer though, you noticed that he almost started to vibrate, as if he were about to explode into a million different pieces. You arrived at the inn once more, noticing that for once that pesky innkeeper was not behind the desk.

You realized that by the time you arrived at his room it seemed like Atlas couldn’t open the door fast enough. He fumbled the key a few times before jamming it into the lock, throwing open the door and then shoving you inside while following closely behind. No faster had the door shut than a blinding green flame enveloped Atlas’s entire body at once, as he galloped for the bed.

“Hive, I’m so fucking horny right now. I swear if you don’t get over here and stick your dick in me right now I’ll catch fire.”

“What’s gotten into you?” you ask, still starting to shed your clothes - you weren’t going to miss this chance.

“You saved my carapace back there, evidently near death experiences really do it for me.”

“Guess I’m not gonna take that nap after all…”

“Housekeeping!” you heard a gentle voice call from the hall, followed by two quick knocks on the door. The handle turned slowly, finally yielding to the door itself opening. In walked the innkeeper you kept running into, carrying a stack of towels in front of her face. She turned into the bathroom to place them down, completely oblivious of you two until she returned. As she caught sight of the two of you moments from joining at the hip.

“Shit,” you sigh, “Well at least you know I’m not gay now…”

She said nothing in return, just staring, mouth agape, at the two of you.

“This isn’t gonna be a problem, is it?” you ask, nodding toward where your dick was currently inches from the blushing Changeling below you. You didn’t know she could blush like that - you’d have to give her shit about that later. “I think we can come to some kind of arrangement here.”

She wiped the look of shock from her face, looking as if she were going to say something, if only she remembered how to talk.

“C’mon, I can be very persuasive,” you wink, “Isn’t that right, Em?” you asked, shoving your dick right into her waiting pussy. Metamora nodded furiously.

She didn’t leave.

Author's Note

Fuck, this chapter was hard to write. I don't know exactly why. I kinda stopped feeling it a bit there in the middle, so if it feels rushed for a bit, now you know why. Even through editing I never did find a way to improve the feel of it.

...Em is insatiable.