“God, Em… That was the hottest thing I’ve ever- I mean fuck… and you were so into it,” you admitted, finally feeling - and looking - more like yourself.

“Am I a narcissist after…”

“Maybe, but only in the best way. I cant even believe… The things you did with your mouth. Is that what it feels like when I…”

“I mean you’re great and all, but you don’t have this tongue,” she taunted, letting her tongue hang out enticingly.

“We can fix that,” you chuckle, thinking again about a transformation. You closed your eyes and then… Nothing happened. Wait, nothing happened? “Wait, what’s…”

“Huh, Anon? What’s wrong?”

“I just tried to…” you motioned with your hands, “…and no magic. What gives?”

“Well you’re still new to it I guess… Maybe you don’t quite have the hang of it.”

“No, transforming is fucking easy shit. Like I just think and then poof I’m someone else. But this time there wasn’t a poof.”

“Um, Anon…” She asked, “You’re not feeling tired, are you?”

“Now that you mention it, I am kinda worn out after… Man I could really use a nap.”

“Oh no…” Metamora said under her breath, “Anon… I need you to tell me something.”

“What, Em? What is it?”

“Tell me you love me. Right now, please, tell me.”

“Em, you know I-” you paused, “You know, I really am tired. Can we take a nap?”

“Anon. Say it. I need to hear you say those words.”

“Jeez Em, why are you so pushy?”

“Anon! This is life or death.”

“Fine Em. I lo-” you coughed, “I l-l… Man, why does my chest hurt?”

“Shit,” Metamora whispered under her breath, “Anon you idiot, you ran yourself out of love.”

“Silly, that’s not how that works. You can’t run out of love.”

“Anon, I need you to listen to me right now. You ran out of love doing all those spells. I don’t know how you get the love from that, whether it has to come from somepony else or if you create it, but either way I need you to fuck me right now or you’ll die.”

“Jeez… Fuck or die? Sounds like a dire situation. But I’d really like to take a nap instead, can we fuck after?”

“Fuck,” she whispered again, “Anon, if you fall asleep right now you might not wake up. Come on, get it up and fuck me. I need to feed you.”

“I’m not hungry. I just wanna sleep. And I’m already hard. I’m like always hard around you.”

“Anon, your dick is softer than Celestia’s ass right now,” she declared, looking worriedly between your legs, “Come on, fuck your bug!”

“What? I’m not…” you pause, looking between your legs, “Aw that’s a sad penis. Maybe he just needs a nap too.”

“No Anon, it’s just…” she paused, “Magic! That will do it.”

Her horn lit in the same vibrant green, a pulse of energy heading straight for you. You barely felt it, like a weak tickle against your chest.

“Stop it, Em, that tickles!”

“Anon, come on… you’ve got to snap out of this.”

“Sure, sure… as soon as we can sleep for a bit.”

You watched as she looked at you with a panic in her eyes. Why was she so worried about a little nap? Fuck, you’d missed probably an entire year worth of college sleeping all day, what was so serious now? Somehow she awkwardly managed to move you so that you were awkwardly laying across her back, trotting towards the door quickly.

“Where are we going? Isn’t it naptime?”

“We need more magic. Anon, whatever you do don’t close your eyes,” Metamora commanded, galloping down the halls with you clumsily slung over her back, “Anon, do you hear me? Don’t fucking fall asleep.”

“It’s okay, Em… Just a little nap. It’ll be fine. I just need to rest and then we can…”

“Anon don’t-”

“Come on, we’re already cuddling and everything… Just a quick nap.”

“Anon! No!” she cried, feeling you go slack against her.

Fuck. You were not going to let him die. Not now. Not ever. Twilight would know what to do. You just needed to find her. You ran through the halls, Anon loosely holding on to your back as his breathing slowed. You moved as fast as you could, your legs burning, your mind racing. You made it to the more central areas of the castle, reaching the room you were in before with Twilight, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Why did you waste your magic trying it yourself. Now you wouldn’t be able to teleport, not without putting yourself in the same peril he was in. Damn it, why did he have to be so stupid? Why did you not see it coming? Why didn’t you stop him? It was all your fault, and you couldn’t do anything about it except run and hope you found Twilight or one of the princesses.

That’s right - the princesses! Surely they could help too. And it was still early enough that they’d be in the throne room. You just had to run a bit more. So you ran and ran and finally made it to the throne room, rushing past the two guards before they could even react to your presence. You burst into the room, running straight down the center aisle and skidding to a stop right in front of the two princesses.

“Princesses! We have a problem,” you called out, trying to catch your breath. “Anon. Magical Exhaustion. Sleeping. Please.”

The two princesses looked at you in confusion, their glances moving to the sleeping human on your back. You waited for them to connect the dots, to realize what you meant.

Luna seemed to realize first, her magical aura flowing forth to encapsulate Anon as she lifted him from your back. By the time she had set him down in between you and where they stood, a look of realization dawned on Celestia’s face as well. Her horn lit as well, with Luna following closely behind. Both of them aimed their magic at Anon’s chest, firing volleys of pure magical energy at him to what appeared to be no effect.

His eyes fluttered but he still remained asleep, the two princesses looking at each other before moving to look at you.

“He should wake now,” Celestia declared, “But he was completely out of magic. I don’t know if there will be any lasting damage when he does awaken.”

“Wow that was a really good nap. I feel completely refreshed!”

You looked over to see Metamora perk up, all of the sudden crying as she looked at you as if you’d died and come back to life.

“See, I told you it’d be fine. I just needed to… Wait, why are we in the throne room.”

“Anon!” Metamora called out, still with sadness in her voice, “Oh I was so worried that you wouldn’t…”

“That I wouldn’t what?”

“You drained yourself of magic completely,” Luna answered, “That’s usually a death sentence, but because Metamora acted quickly, we were able to save you.”

“Shit, really? You mean I can die just from doing too much magic?”

“Yes, normally a unicorn would notice that they were low on magical energy. Did you not notice that?”

“Unless it feels like being really really hungry, in which case, yeah I was totally that until my nap.”

“It manifests differently for everypony,” Celestia explained, “So it is possible. Are you no longer hungry?”

“I mean not like that. I could afford to eat something though.”

“Be wary of that feeling,” Luna warned, “It may be your only defense against this.”

“I still don’t know what happened…”

“You almost died, Anon!” Metamora explained, “You need to be more careful.”

“Shit…” you sigh, “And just when I was about to use my newfound powers for evil.”

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Anon. I was really worried there, you…” she paused, resting against you in bed, “You almost went the way of far too many Changelings.”

“Why the fuck did nobody tell me that I could die from magicking too much? You know I only ever go hard.”

“I’m sorry… I-” she paused, sniffling, “I didn’t think. I’m so foalish.”

“Whoa, hold on. Don’t beat yourself up. I just didn't… Don’t take this out on yourself.”

“But I’m supposed to keep you safe! I found you and I promised I’d keep you safe and…”

“And you did. You saved me, Em. Just like you did in the forest. Just like you’re probably going to have to do at least on a weekly basis.”

“I should have seen it coming.”

“How could you have?” you asked, “I didn’t even realize it.”

“You’re right… But please be more careful with magic. I know it’s fun and exciting - Hive knows I’ve wanted to do so many things since you’ve been filling me full of love but… All great things come in moderation.”

“Most,” you corrected, “Most great things come in moderation.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re always here, and you’re the greatest thing I’ve ever had.”

“Anon,” she sighed, your comment sneaking up on her and lifting the sour mood.

“Plus I don’t think you’ve ever cum in moderation. You’re always so fucking sensitive. I love it though.”

“Damnit Anon!”

“Hey, you know it was headed there. I’m surprised you haven’t been staring at my dick this entire time.”

“Um… Anon, there’s one small problem. Or rather the problem’s big but something else is small,” Metamora said, pointing a hoof between your legs.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” You yell, looking back at your now not-so-magically-enhanced cock.

“Anon, calm down. You don’t need a huge dick.”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re not used to having a two ton cervix destroying battering ram attached to your crotch. I need that shit to survive now!”

“Oh come on Anon, you know I love you for more than your dick.”

“Yeah, but that’s about the only thing I love me for. I’m an irredeemable sack of shit otherwise. That was my only good quality!”

“That’s not true! There’s plenty of other stuff to like about you.”

“Like what, Em?”

“Like how you’re a considerate lover?”

“Nope. Gay.”

“How about how you’re always willing to give love to anypony in need?”

“Nah. Fake and gay.”

“Fine. Whatever. You can have your self deprecating pity party,” Metamora whined, “I’m just going to be over here waiting for someone to come rut me into the bed.”

“I can’t fuck you with this!” you yell in frustration, “I can barely see this… this thing. How did I ever live with such disappointment.”

“…I don’t think I’ve ever seen somepony shame themselves over the size of their own dick.”

“Can you just… Can’t you magic it back?”

“That seems like a very complex spell. I don’t know if I could…” she trailed off, “Also I’m going to need a recharge before I even try something like that.”

“Fine. Let’s go fucking find Twilight then. She can do it.”

“Anon!” Metamora screamed indignantly, “Come over here and fuck me! You almost died and I don’t know why but now that you’re not I’m horny like a filly on her first heat. I don’t care if your dick is fucking microscopic. Put. It. Inside. Of. Me. NOW.”

“Not till I get my dick back, Em! I promise it will be quick.”

She screeched in frustration, hitting her hooves against the bed. You walked towards the door, realizing something important.

“Come on, I need someone to get me through this fucking M.C. Escher nightmare of a castle.”

“Fine, but you better fuck me so hard when we get back.”

“TWILIGHT!” you yelled, kicking down the doors to her study,

“Anon!” Twilight called out in surprise, “Just who I wanted to see!”

“Hold the coy shit, Twi. I need my dick back. Magic me!”

“Not now, Anon. We need to go to Ponyville immediately. A storm is brewing.”

Author's Note

Pretend that this chapter ends in a cliffhanger that makes you think the entire story is over. Fuck, I never was good at those.

Instead it's pretty obvious that we're setting up for Act V. I wonder when that will start?

Life and death scenarios happen so fast in magical talking horse land. Like zero to 💯 to zero to 💯 again in only 2000 words? Dayum. I'm trying to bring back some of the lighthearted comedic flair from the prologue and first act, which kind of invalidated the gravitas of this chapter, but fuck it. Heh. Butt fuck.

Yet another act that ends on the precipice of a teleportation into the unknown, all while Anon is pantsless. Probably should change the name of the story to "Naked Teleportation and Other Assorted Dick Waving." Actually, hold that thought. Totally the name of my next album for my new contemplative electronic music experiment heavily influenced by Death Grips and Neil Cicierega.