I haven't felt this low in years. I couldn't even get myself out of bed for the entire day after what happened the other night. Ponies from the neighborhood have dropped by over the past few days to check on me and it did make me feel quite a bit better when I heard the death toll was zero. I couldn't live with myself if somepony died at my hooves. Derpy even stopped by to offer some encouragement as well. As much fun as I had with her the other night, we both agreed that we should probably keep our sex organs to ourselves from here on out.

It's been a few days since I left my house and I spent a lot of time cleaning up the messes in my garage, biological or otherwise. Other than that, I've just been moping around the house. For real, have you ever worked so tirelessly on something for years to achieve a scientific breakthrough just to have to put a damn bullet through it? Cut me some slack, it fuckin' hurts, okay?

Right now, I'm bored out of my skull but I'll probably wait until tomorrow to show my face around town. In the meantime, I'm horny and my balls are starting to get heavy so I'm just gonna go ahead and take care of business. I have stacks upon stacks of dirty magazines in my office at home and today, I have a certain part of my collection in mine. Lately, I've been getting a decent amount of pussy from mares but I'm in the mood for something else.

With a box of tissues, a big ass bottle of lube and a certain silicone *ahem* instrument, I head into my office, lay the magazine down on my desk and start getting myself going. These particular magazines are actually quite rare as there exist very few photos of the types of scaly beauties I'm looking at. Yeah, I have a dragon fetish, okay? I've always wanted to fuck one so these magazines will have to suffice until I get really lucky.

It doesn't take long for me to get hard as I start rubbing and tugging at myself while I admire a particularly sexy blue one bent over and showing the goods as she looks back at the camera with half lidded eyes. Whew, it's getting hot in here. Once I'm hard enough, I start lathering up my cock and with my favorite toy in my hooves, I push myself into it. Remember, my toy isn't a dildo, it's a pocket thingamafucker or whatever you call it and it's supposed to look like a dragon pussy.

Once I get myself all lubed up, I shove myself into it and push and pull back and forth as I turn the page to see a knockout of a dragoness pleasuring herself with a pony shaped dildo. That's my favorite picture. I keep going and occasionally turn the page to be greeted with more pictures of some sweet scaly booty. Damn, Spike, you have some good taste! Yeah, in case you're wondering, Spike, the little purple dude who lives with Twilight gets these and sells them to me...but you didn't hear that from me. He even wears a little trench coat when we meet up in a back alley to deal.

Shit, this feels good. After several minutes of pushing, pulling, and occasionally adding more lube, I start to get close. I've noticed that I've been lasting longer than usual. Might have something to do with the somewhat steady stream of sex I've been getting lately. Ooh, almost there. Ahh, any second now, I'll be spraying my seed into a hoof full of tissues, or possibly the little waste basket I keep under my desk if I have a lot of it. Ahh, fuck! Here's that clench! I'm gonna...I'm gonna...

"Hey, Caddy, Just thought I'd-oh my god, what the fuck did I just trot in on!?" My dear friend Cadence blurted out as she burst into my office with no forewarning whatsoever.

"Gahhh, dammit, Cadence!!" I screamed as I could no longer hold in the contents of my balls.

To say this was awkward would be a grave understatement. The worst part about all of this was that my toy slipped out of my hooves, leaving my dick to flail about in whatever direction it wanted to as it erupted. It all seemed to happen in slow motion and I screamed in utter terror as a stream of my cum sailed across the room, bound for the tip of Cadence's muzzle. I'm royally fucked.

Sure enough, it splattered all over Cadence's muzzle and she winced at the impact. After a few seconds of standing there with my spunk dripping down her face, she finally opened her eyes and wiped a small amount of it off with her hoof and proceed to take a small sample with her tongue.

"Hmm...your health is definitely improving." Cadence said as she tasted my splooge. "Last time I tasted it, it tasted like antifreeze."

"You've been tasting my jiz!?" I screamed.

"Tee hee, lighten up a bit, it's not like I you're not one of my closest friends or anything. So look, I heard you had a rough night a few days ago and your friends are worried about you because you haven't left your house."

"You...have no...idea."

Feeling somewhat better about having splattered all over my friend, we both got ourselves cleaned up and before I could fill her in on what she missed, she removed an odd instrument from her saddlebag and proceeded to fit it around my arm. I had no idea what she was doing but I didn't like how this thing squeezed me tighter and tighter every time Cadence stepped on this weird little air pump or whatever it was.

"What are you doing?" I asked quizzically.

"I'm checking your blood pressure, Caddy." Cadence replied, somewhat confused. "Have you never seen one of these before when seeing a doctor?"

"I uh...I haven't seen a doctor since I was a foal."

"That explains a lot. Hmm...your blood pressure has really improved!"

She then took out this weird little doohickey that had two ends going into her ears and another with a flat disc like end that she placed over my chest. After a few seconds of holding it there, her eyes lit up.

"Your heart rate doesn't scare me anymore!" Cadence beamed. "Now here, step on this."

Cadence then produced a scale from her saddlebag and laid it on my floor before me. She was really putting in a lot of care and effort into monitoring my health, so I happily obliged.

"You've lost twelve pounds!" Cadence beamed. "Looking good, you big hunk you!"

"Eh heh heh. Thanks." I reply with a blush.

"One last little thing."

Cadence then produced a small syringe from her bag, wiped a spot on my arm with an alcohol pad and began drawing blood from me. I guess she's probably gonna check that too. After she had a small sample, she proceeded to light up her horn as to cast some sort of spell. With a few flickers of her aura, she seemed to have been satisfied with the results.

"Good news, Caddy." Cadence beamed with a smile. "You'll no longer give the mosquitos diabetes and I'm confident that you won't die of a heart attack."

"Well...I was feeling pretty shitty but you just made my day!" I replied, thankful for having such a wonderful friend in Cadence.

"You'll start having a better day once you get outside and enjoy the weather. Now come on, it's a beautiful day out there."

"Wait, what about the ponies around town? Aren't they pissed off about what my machine did?"

"You have got to lose that Trottski mentality."

"I know, right? Screw my hometown."

Cadence informed me that things were the exact opposite and ponies actually saw me as the hero that night even though it was really my fault. In my hometown, if you make one little mistake, the ponies there will never let you forget it, but here, I redeemed myself by stepping up and stopping the evil machine. If anything, ponies were looking for me to thank me so after a quick shower and a shave, Cadence and I head out.

Once again, she couldn't stay long so we soon parted ways after we reached the town so for now, I was on my own to mingle with neighbors and make new friends. Sure enough, as I continued to trot into town, ponies all over the place were waving at and greeting me with the widest smiles. I mean, they usually do that anyway but today, they seem even happier to see me.

You know what? Today, I'm not gonna just trot around and wait for ponies to come up and greet me. I'm gonna initiate conversation with my neighbors. Applejack happened to be out and about, so I was able to catch up with her. She even noticed that I've been losing weight and told me she'd be up for another round of fun sometime. Nice. Going further into town, I started shooting the shit with Our mayor, whom I've only talked to once before. She's pretty cool, typical politician but genuine enough.

Trotting further still, I trotted past Rainbow Dash who seemed to be bickering with this butter yellow pegasus with a long flowing pink mane and tail. Oh, okay that's Fluttershy. Really sweet, I've briefly talked to her a few times. She comes to my store to get replacement wheels for that cart she hauls frogs around with sometimes. Super cute girl and she's got the voice of an angel. Now, what are those two going on about?

"Dammit, Fluttershy, he's heading right this way!" Rainbow Dash whispered aloud to Fluttershy, the latter just standing there shaking and blushing. "Are you gonna go ask him or do I have to do it for ya!?"

"Ohmigoodness ohmigoodness ohmigoodness!" Fluttershy gasped as she stood there and started to sweat.

I looked behind myself to see who they were talking about. Aw cute, she's got a crush. That's funny, there isn't anypony behind me. As I kept trotting, about to pass them by, I look back over at the two pegasi and they're looking right at me. Rainbow Dash and I have now made eye contact at this point and gives me a shrug as Fluttershy stands there and continues to blush. It...it can't be. Fluttershy of all ponies? I almost feel like courting her would be some kind of a sin, she's so delicate. It has to be just me misunderstanding a social cue.

"Hey, Rainbow." I greet my acquaintance with a smile as I pretend I didn't hear their conversation. "Hi, Fluttershy."

"What's up, dude?" Rainbow Dash asks as she extends her hoof for a bump, which I oblige to. "I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed. That fight against your own monster was pretty badass. Right, Fluttershy?"

"Yay." Fluttershy squeaked.

"Heh, thanks. I mean, I made the mess, it's only fair that I clean it up, you know?"

"No sweat, bro, as long as you own up to your screw ups and fix them, ponies don't really hold it against you around here. Remember that story I told you about Spike and how he grew like a hundred feet tall?"

"Yeah, I remember that. I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall for that."

"No kidding. Hey, I heard you quit smoking. Kudos...oh, and before she tries to weasel her way out of this..."

Rainbow Dash then hopped over behind Fluttershy and began physically pushing the poor girl right towards me. She reminds me of how I was in the past, I wasn't any less shy than her. I think I'm about five years older than she is so she has plenty of time to improve herself in that department. I feel kinda bad though, she's shaking like Applejack's cousin Braeburn at a corndog convention.

"Fluttershy here...hngg...has something...grr..." Rainbow panted as she struggled to push her shy and admittedly stubborn friend towards me. "...that she would like...guhhh...to ask you."

"You do?" I asked, trying my best to sweeten my tone as to hopefully make her a little less nervous.

"Um...yes..." Fluttershy replied as she tried her best to maintain eye contact. "I um...well, you see, I was wondering if..."

I don't have the heart to try and rush her, she can take all the time she needs. Wow, I get this weird feeling when I talk to her. Like, this odd feeling of tranquility. What's up with this girl?

"Um, well..." Fluttershy continued. "Do you think maybe we could...go out sometime?"

No. There's just no way that's what she means. A sweet little angel like her and a hardened, calloused, flint skinned bastard like me? Impossible! It would never work! I'm too cold for her. For her own sake, I need to let her down gently and hope I don't make her cry. How am I gonna go about this?

"Why, Fluttershy." I said, flattered and with a blush of my own. "I'd like that."

Nope. Couldn't do it.

Author's Note

Shitty youtube reading?