A DAY AT THE BRONY CONVENTION

– Vital organs replaced with biotechnological machinery. Nutrient tubes take the place of digestive, cardiovascular, and respiratory systems. Waste disposal tubes for the evacuation of waste matter. Skeletal system no longer necessary. Suction pipelines for the extraction of milk, from which the serum may be distilled for further use in any number of metamorphological applications...

Dr. Félicia Deleuze Guattari (Technologically Marvellous Experiments Conglomerated, a divison of H.C. Enterprises) speaks to a large crowd of her most prized, wealthy, and influential investors, clients, and business partners from around the world (some listening in via video-teleconference, many there in person) including Donald J. Trump, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, George W. Bush, Paul Ryan, Julian Assange, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Steve Bannon, Edgar Winter, Igor Bogdanoff, Grichka Bogdanoff, Kevin Mayer, Jeff Bezos, George Soros, Hope Hicks, Mike Pence, Jay Powell, Nancy Pelosi, Robert Mercer, Scott Pruitt, Guy Benson, Nigel Farage, Corey Lewandowski, John Kelly, Mark Zuckerberg, Warren Buffet, Elizabeth Warren, Jared Kushner, Nick Ayers, Elon Musk, Charles G. Koch, David H. Koch, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Dana Walden, Ann Coulter, Mercedes Schlapp, Kellyanne Conway, George Conway, Milo Yiannopoulos, Toby Emmerich, Satoshi Tajiri, Wayne Gretzky, Adam Conover, Ancel Keys, Richard Lovett, James Murdoch, Rupet Murdoch, Brad Parscale, Michael Glassner, Sarah Palin, Carl Benjamin, Lloyd Kaufman, Michael Herz, Scott Adams, Stephen Miller, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Bob Bakish, Kevin Huvane, Tara Ross, Charlie Sykes, Naomi Schaefer, Bryan Lourd, Pendleton Ward, Bertolt Brecht, Kevin Tsujihara, James Cameron, Judd Apatow, Shonda Rhimes, Sean Hannity, Rebekah Mercer, Ajit Pai, Mike Pompeo, John Boehner, Jeff Shell, Ryan Gosling, Donna Langley, Ron Meyer, Glenn Beck, Mel Gibson, Helena Blavatsky, Andy Kaufman, Tucker Carlson, Bob Greenblatt, Brian Goldner, Sundar Pichai, Larry Page, Meghan McCarthy, Craig McCracken, Alejandro Jodorowsky, Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, K.A. Applegate, R.L. Stine, Peter Rice, Mary Elizabeth Taylor, Doug McMillon, Karl Rove, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Susan Molinari, Mike Tyson, Miley Cyrus, John Feltheimer, Rush Limbaugh, Ryan Murphy, Reese Witherspoon, Bob Iger, Julian Cope, Kathleen Kennedy, David Nevins, Kenichiro Yoshida, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, Tim Allen, Jessica Simpson, John Travolta, Soulja Boy, Shuntaro Furukawa, Ellen DeGeneres, Donald Glover, Charles Barkley, George Lucas, J.J. Abrams, Naomi Watanabe, Roseanne Barr, Caitlyn Jenner, Lorne Michaels, Alex Jones, Judith Butler, Shari Redstone, Kevin Feige, Alan Bergman, Alan Horn, Tony Vinciquerra, The Last Psychiatrist, Tom Rothman, Mike Hopkins, Jeff Sessions, Wayne Michael Coyne, Mike Bettes, Brett Kavanaugh, Banksy, Stephen Hillenburg, Rebecca Sugar, Gary Newman, Penn Jillette, Teller, Dan Harmon, Justin Roiland, Vernon Chatman, Charlie Brooker, David Slade, Jennifer Salke, John Lee, Alyson Levy, Matthew Whitaker, Shakira, George Duke, Bill Cosby, Miles Davis, Jim Davis, Jim Carrey, James Brown, Cosmo Spacely, P.T Barnum, W.C. Fields, Tara Strong, Kiefer Sutherland, Little Richard, Damon Albarn, Mike Judge, Dennis Rodman, Bill Gates, Tim Cook, QAnon, Jacob Rothschild, Nathaniel Philip Rothschild, Viktor Frankl, Woodie Guthrie, Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, Roger Waters, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, Tim Hodgkinson, Jim Welton, Stevan Tickmayer, Roberto Drak, David Kerman, James Grigsby, Mike Johnson, Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Colonel Tom Parker, Tommy Wiseau, K.C. Green, Steve Oedekirk, Bob Odenkirk, Kate Bush, Peter Gabriel, Phil Collins, Steve Hackett, Chris Squire, Jon Anderson, Steve Howe, Rick Wakeman, Ian Anderson, Bill Bruford, Robert Fripp, Keith Emerson, Peter Blegvad, Bill Watterson, Greg Lake, Captain Beefheart, Captain Murphy, Captain Crunch, Captain Bucky O' Hare, Steve Ellison, Harlan Ellison, Mike Lazzo, Frank Zappa, Chris Cutler, Lindsay Cooper, Benjamin Bocquelet, Benjamin Franklin, Alan Watts, "Iron" William Watts, Carl Jung, Dante, Homer, William Blake, Richard Nixon, Friedrich Nietzsche, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Syd Barrett, Nick Drake, Arnold Schoenberg, Alban Berg, Peter Hammill, Lou Reed, Percy Grainger, Sir Peter Maxwell Davies, Leonard Bernstein, Sigmund Freud, R.D. Laing, Jane Goodall, Milton Babbitt, Morton Feldman, Pierre Boulez, Iannis Xenakis, Tod Dockstader, William the Conqueror, Napoleon Bonaparte, Pierre Schaeferr, Krzysztof Penderecki, Olivier Messiaen, Luciano Berio, Count Chocula, Dracula, Bunnicula, Frankenstein's monster, Frankenberry, Booberry, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Daniel Johnston, György Ligeti, Richard Trythall, Mike Patton, Colonel Sanders, Robert Johnson, Ronald McDonald, John Calvin, Thomas Hobbes, Charles Ives, Neil Cicierega, Karlheinz Stockhausen, Uwe Nettelbeck, Brian Peter George St. John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno, Adolf Hitler, David Bowie, Jay Clem, John Kennedy, Ralf Hütter, Florian Schneider, Florian Fricke, Edgar Froese, Conny Plank, Klause Shulze, Holger Czukay, Thomas Bangalter, Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, Anton Webern, Benjamin Britten, Konstantinos Karathanasis, Fyodor Dostoyevski, John Cleese, Brian Jones, Dave Chappelle, Paul Simon, Louis C.K., Terry Gilliam, Terry Riley, Tom Waits, Kathleen Brennan, Ruth White, Stephen Murphy, Ben Esposito, Arjun Prakash, Arjuna, Krishna, Vishnu, Shiva, Indra, Atman-Brahman, Larry the Cable Guy, Thomas Pynchon, Professor Irwin Corey, Philip Glass, Steve Reich, Sufjan Stevens, Van Dyke Parks, Karl Marx, Daevid Allen, Brian Wilson, Shrek, Knighty, Harry Partch, Hardy Fox, Dick Clark, Barbara Streisand, Patrick Swayze, Heinrich Himmler, Pol Pot, Joseph Stalin, Henry Cowell, John Lydon, Bryan Ferry, Freddie Mercury, Santa Claus, Santa Dog, Satan God, Stan Lee, Lucifer, Malcolm McLaren, Marshall McLuhan, Timothy Leary, Ram Dass, Siddharta Guatama, George Ivanovich Gurdjieff, Mephistopholes, Igor Stravinsky, Coco Chanel, Colleen Doran, Dave Sim, Dmitri Shostakovich, Dmitri Martin, Jeff Dunham, Jeff Foxworthy, Reginald Fils-Aimé, Shigeru Miyamoto, Satoru Iwata, G.K. Chesterton, George Bernard Shaw, George H.W. Bush, Barbara Bush, Samuel Beckett, Bruce Campbell, Joseph Campbell, Joseph Conrad, Joseph Heller, Charles Stewart Parnell, John Joyce, Franz Kafka, David Cronenberg, H.P. Lovecraft, Werner Herzog, Klaus Kinski, Raymond Weilacher, Alan Waller, Walt Disney, Sam Raimi, Richard Strauss, Hector Berlioz, Nicolas Cage, Spike Jonze, Spike Jones, Spike Spencer, Spike Spiegel, Charlie Kaufman, John Malkovich, George Washington, George Washington Carver, Shinichirō Watanabe, Kōshi Rikudō, Shinichi Watanabe, Hideaki Anno, Hayao Miyazaki, Bodhidharma, Richard Wagner, William Shakespeare, Leopold Bloom, Ruaidrí mac Tairrdelbach Ua Conchobair, Humphrey Chimpden Earwicker, Humbert Humbert, Dolores Haze, Vladimir Nabokov, Kikiyama, Toby Fox, Andrew Hussie, Jhonen Vasquez, Seung-Hui Cho, Osamu Tezuka, Osama Bin Laden, Muhammad, St. Paul of Tarsus, John Hodgman, Joseph Bruce, Mashall Bruce Mathers III, Jerry Lewis, Lewis Carroll, Albert Camus, Jean-Luc Godard, Jean-Luc Picard, Jean-Luc Ponty, Jacques Cousteau, Gex, Bubsy the Bobcat, James Bond, Saul Goodman, Bozo the Clown, Krusty the Clown, King Koopa, Bob Hoskins, Captain Lou Albano, Benito Mussolini, Frank Oz, Steve Martin, Shem the Penman, Shaun the Post, PJ Harvey, Richard Elfman, Tim Burton, Tim Curry, Richard Branson, L. Ron Hubbard, Joseph Smith, Stephen R. Covey, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cyndi Lauper, Toni Basil, Mark Mothersbaugh, Bob Lewis, Gerald Casale, Paul Reubens, Paul Blart, Grum, Robin Williams, Bill Murray, Becky Sloan, Joseph Pelling, Austin Powers, Mike Myers, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Edward Hyde, Theodor Seuss Geisel, Shel Silverstein, Jean Shepherd, Charles Mingus, John Coltrane, Eric Dolphy, Ornette Coleman, Martin Handford, Maria Bamford, Tom Kenny, Danny Antonucci, Danny DeVito, Danny Elfman, Danny Phantom, Goofy Goof, Mickey Mouse, Carl Barks, Donald Duck, Scrooge McDuck, Daffy Duck, Duckman, Fuckman, Truckman, Cuckman, Cutman, Tron Bonne, Bugs Bunny, Big Chungus, Tex Avery, Chuck Jones, Friz Freleng, Bob Clampett, Mel Blanc, Joseph Barbera, William Hanna, Ub Iwerks, Ernest P. Worrell, Sephiroth, Nobuo Uematsu, Hideo Kojima, CBoyardee, Koji Kondo, Tsuneo Imahori, Karl Barks, Lenny Bruce, Larry King, Jim Henson, Eugene Krabs, Robert Wyatt, Mike Oldfield, Kevin Ayers, Dave Stewart, Allan Holdsworth, Thomas Edison, J.R.R. Tolkien, Christopher Lee, Christopher Lloyd, Christopher Reeve, Christopher Walken, Christopher Poole, C.S. Lewis, Wyndham Lewis, Josef Mengele, Dr. Ivo Robotnik, Rumiko Takahashi, Shigesato Itoi, Usuamaru Furuya, Kiyohiko Senba, Mary Shelley, Christian Weston Chandler, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder, Oscar Wilde, Ernest Hemingway, Herman Melville, Bonnie Zacherle, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Guillaume de Machaut, St. Thomas Aquinas, Hildegard of Bingen, Caligula, Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni, Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino, Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci, Donato di Niccolò di Betto Bardi, Jeff Bridges, Trey Spruance, Timothy Treadwell, Roger Ebert, Robert Christgau, Lester Bangs, Stephen Hawking, Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Babe Ruth, Le Sony'r Ra, Reed Hastings, Muhammad Ali, Malcolm X, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King Jr., Mark Edward Fischbach, Dave Wise, Gregg Mayles, Chris Sutherland, Grant Kirkhope, David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen, Ozzie Osbourne, Neil Gorsuch, Bruce Hampton, Glenn Phillips, John Peel, Nero, Ramona Andra Xavier, Akira Toriyama, Goku, Naruto, Piccolo, Prince Vegeta IV, Lord Beerus, Super Mario, Superman, Batman, Megaman, Aquaman, The Wolf Man, Howlin' Wolf, Godzilla, Swanky Kong, Geddy Lee, Neil Peart, John Lennon, Sir Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr, Andy Warhol, Jesus H. Christ, Charles Manson, Nebuchadnezzar, Zach Galifianakis, Goliath, Herod, Moses, Adam, Eve, Noah, Abraham, Cain, Abel, The Demiurge, Ryan North, Genndy Tartakovsky, Scooby Doo, Scooby Dum, Shaggy Rogers, Velma Dinkley, Fred Jones, Daphne Blake, Scrappy Doo, Shunryū Suzuki, Jesse Moynihan, Patrick McHale, Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Vincent Pizzapasta, Tom Herpich, Daniel Clowes, Robert Crumb, Carrot Top, Mahatma Gandhi, Russell Brand, Kevin Federline, R. Stevie Moore, Alan Moore, Charles Schulz, Neil Gaiman, Neil Diamond, Bigfoot, Neil Young, Ralph Bakshi, Michael DeForge, Simon Hanselmann, Frank Santoro, Jack Black, Jack White, Rivers Cuomo, Roald Dahl, Salvador Dali, Will Meugniot, Margaret Weis, Madeleine L'Engle, Larry Hama, Michael Golden, Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird, Scott McCloud, Fox McCloud, Wendy Carlos, Finn Mertens, Fionn mac Cumhaill, Andy Price, Katie Cook, Rodney Dangerfield, Woody Allen, Steve Albini, Efrim Menuck, Mike Moya, Thurop Van Orman, Terence McKenna, Philip K. Dick, Stanley Kubrick, Harmony Korine, Lars von Trier, Geghis Khan, Cleopatra, Casper Kelly, Space Ghost, Eric Woolfson, Jim Steinman, Todd Rundgren, Meat Loaf, Aldous Huxley, George Orwell, Orson Welles, Alfred Hitchcock, William Castle, Ed Wood, Ian Curtis, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love, Courtney Cox, Trent Reznor, Marshall Applewhite, Lauren Faust, Alan Parsons, Fred Frith, Fred Fuchs, Daniel Boone, Daniel Trissel, Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, Gene Simmons, Humpty Hump, Flava Flav, Danger Mouse, MF Doom, Madlib, Cee Lo Green, MC Ride, 'Weird Al' Yankovic, Jandek, Wesley Willis, Hudson Mohawke, Dan Deacon, Ed Schrader, Jimmy Joe Roche, David Rockefeller Jr., Steven Spielberg, David Lynch, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Katie Perry, That Poppy, E.W. Scripps, Daniel Baker, Joel Martinez, Ted Cruz, Sia Cooper, Kayla Itsines, James Rolfe, Michael Matei, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, Roland Szabo, Seth MacFarlane, Seth Rogen, Seth Green, Seth, Prince, Alex Hirsch, Jodie Foster, Ronald Reagan, John Hinckley Jr., Eman al Nafjan, Scott Rogowsky, Ryan Toysreview, Shaun King, Matt Drudge, Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim, Gregg Turkington, Neil Hamburger, Eric Andre, Hannibal Buress, Eithne Pádraigín Ní Bhraonáin, Tyler Blevins, Brian Roberts, Steve Burke, John Stankey, Lil Miquela, Leanne Crowe, Samanta Lily, Jordan Carver, Nadine Jansen, Amanda Love, Kylie Jenner, Justin Bieber, Madonna Ciccone, Park Jae-sang, Tom Hanks, BTS, YHWH, KCUF, XKCD, KJRH, KPUT, WABBIT, AC/DC, YBK/CJB, WWJD, TMEC, Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg, Jonathan Aryan Jafari, Ariel Martin, Ariana Grande, Logan Paul, Jake Paul, Rihanna, Charlotte Wilner, Busy Philipps, Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, Oprah Winfrey, Howard Stern, Howard Hughes, Hugh Hefner, Dave Wilner, Stephen James Joyce, Kanye West, Seto Kaiba, Paris Hilton, Gail Zappa, Matt Groening, Ahmet Zappa, and Homer J. Flynn III (among others), inviting them to gaze from the control room window upon a football-field-sized mass of undifferentiated yellow flesh quivering in the hangarlike factory floor below.

– The mass of living breast tissue you see before you was grown organically on a live human test subject over the course of 2 months. The subject's nervous & endocrine systems have been replaced with a fully-configurable digital hardware/software solution designed to electrochemically stimulate essential lactation & growth processes in the live breast tissue – according to user specifications, of course.

Dr. Guattari gestures grandly.

– As you can see, our company has succeeded in growing the first-ever fully-organic production-level manufacturing plant out of living human tissue! And, in a triumph of engineering – as well as, perhaps, a small dose of irony – the gigantic mass of living breast tissue you see before you was in fact grown via a specially-calibrated dose of the very metamorphological serum it produces in its milk!

Many laugh.

– At present, this facility outputs 10,000 gallons of serum-milk per hour. We expect future plants to outpace these figures by at least sevenfold.

She pauses, admiring with scientific marvel the throbbing, rippling yellow fleshpile just beyond the control room windowpane.

– At this moment it is my great pleasure to unveil the next steps we plan to take in our neverending mission to provide customizable, organic solutions suitable to the manufacturing needs of our valued corporate & government clients – all of you here today!

Light applause.

– We plan to open at least 600 more serum-production plants similar to the one you see here within the next quarter. In a triumph of medical science, the serum manufactured by these plants will in turn be utilized to recycle the unwanted bodies of noncomformists, social dropouts, and undesirable personalities – indeed, our serum makes possible the complete restructuring of certain lazy & unresponsive demographics.

She adjusts her glasses.

– For instance – many Millenials refuse to be adequately receptive to corporate marketing (although many of you may have certainly achieved admirable success in this domain); regardless, as a result, several companies have experienced severely reduced profits or even the horrors of bankruptcy. Our serum – distributed via school cafeterias, fast food establishments, and lower-market grocery retailers – will reverse this trend, redefining this problematic consumer base into a malleable, predictable, reliable engine of impulsive mass consumption & obedient wage-slavery. The user's genetic makeup and personality may be freely altered to whatever state deemed desirable for your business or political organization, guaranteeing exponential profits & nigh-eternal corporate longevity.

Applause.

– As you already know, the serum may also be administered to especially hopeless undesirables – pot smokers, Native Americans, political dissidents, artists, shoplifters, and the like – in order to generate living, breathing manufacturing facilities such as this one. In this way, our company hopes to revolutionize the way in which all products may be manufactured in the future, with the amazing side-benefit of repurposing useless, unwanted biodetritus from the corpogeosociopolitical landscape into, as you can see...

She directs their attention to a meter: 226,000 gallons of milk produced so far today.

– ... VERY productive citizens...!

Laughter.

– Speaking of very productive citizens... over the next 4 months we fully expect this very facility to QUINTUPLE its output of product, in an ongoing process of precise calibration made possible by our continued dedication to the electronutrimental growth-stimulation of our live breast tissue resources.

She breathes out, her presentation complete.

Maybe for lunch she'll grab some Quizno's. Soon enough.

She smirks confidently.

– Well? What do you all think...?

– Amazing!!

– Outstanding!!

– Fantastic!!

– Wonderful!!

– Tremendous!!

– Brilliant work!!

– Bravo!!

– Bravissima!!

– Through this mother's milk we shall nurse the birth of a new, more obedient citizenry!!

– The Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging!!

– The perfect solution to create the perfect employee/consumer!!

A standing ovation.

...

Dr. Guattari sighs with satisfaction, clearly refreshed by the positive reception her life's work has just received from such a luminary assemblage of affluent investors.

– I'm so glad you all think so...

Her tired gaze drifts gradually towards the outdoor-facing window. Hazy morning sunlight gleams off the chrome and glass of her industrial American wasteland, all gas stations, outlet malls, parking lots, bars, fast food restaurants, apartment hives, particleboard McMansions, call centers, corporate clinics, brand-name international megachains, office suites, pavement & plastic baubles, row after row of fresh, shoddy, cheaply-made suburban homes illuminated with televisions and computers and cellphones and tablets and cable boxes and YouTube and Netflix subscriptions and video game consoles.

She turns to her benefactors suddenly, an inspirational gleam in her eye.

– Let's all get to work!

THE END