"You're an idiot."

Death, or everybody else knows as Delmar, plainly said to one of his advisors. The advisors were smaller than Delmar, by a few feet. Their skeletons much like a human, but with noticeable differences that keep them distinguishable from the rest.

Currently he was just informed of a failed virus that was supposed to start in New York City and kill approximately four-hundred people. But, of course, the virus was not ready to be deployed in the sewer system because it wasn't water resistant. So as soon as it came into contact with water, it dissolved into nothing.

Delmar was less than pleased, and he didn't hide it from his council of advisors. All they simply have to do is kill the person or people that need to die. Delmar decided how, and so it is put into action. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned now does it?

"W-well sir, we tried re-deploying the virus in Albuquerque... but-" The poor advisor was interrupted by Delmar.

"The virus was made for New York City in January... Not Albuquerque in January..." Delmar pinched the bridge of his bony nose, or whats left of it.

"You do realize this is the fifth cock-up you fools managed to do in the last month? We are behind schedule now by five-thousand deaths plus change! And not all of them are in North America! We are supposed to kill two-thousand seven hundred and thirty nine in Asia alone, seven hundred and thirty in Paris, eight hundred and fifty six in London, two hundred and sixty in Montreal, and now we add the four hundred and fifteen in New York City! These people are supposed to die from illnesses or accidents or murders or however you have to do it! But that's what the damn schedule says and I will not be behind again!" Delmar looked on to his advisors with rising anger. Delmar only wished that HE would keep the soul debt under control.

"Sir not to be rude... but isn't it your job to decide how they d-" The advisor was interrupted by a slap to the head, which spun his skull until the advisor fell onto the ground with an audible oof.

"I HAVE decided how they all died before I gave the order! All you idiots had to do was DO it! Yet here we are, far behind than we were a month ago!" Delmar said with venom that even a snake would shun away from.

All the advisors sunk in their seats in fear, as they never seen him this angry in over a million years. One advisor was visibly shaking while another was hiding behined a bookcase.

Delmar sighed, and sat back down in his own seat. He looked at all the charts again, and still the number five-thousand popped up occasionally.

He sat back and looked toward the ceiling for a brief moment, wondering how Humans can breed so fucking much. It was all to much for the moment, then as if on cue, and idea popped into his head.

"What if..." Delmar said slowly, which got the attention of all the advisors, waiting for their rulers response.

"What if we set a food-borne virus that can easily be transferred to other foods within the vicinity of it? Like salmonella or..." The advisors caught on, and started throwing ideas out at Delmar, and at each other.

"...It will need to be undetectable from the Humans..."

"...odorless, tasteless..."

"...can't kill no more than five-thousand..."

"...are you dumb? Wheat borne illness..."

That was it, the light bulb came on in Delmar's head.

"That's it! The first wheat born illness! We can start it in the Plains of North America, and have it distributed around the globe! It will be undetectable and natural caused! What do you all think?" Delmar was ecstatic. Although ridiculous, it could work with proper structure and proper timing.

The advisors looked at one another, then came back with counter-points.

"...Will it be heat resistant? It can't break the heat threshold..."

"...Only certain parts of the world accept North American wheat..."

"...We can't force Humans to sell either..."

"...Wheat borne illness, sounds ridiculous..."

Delmar pinched his nose again, and simply sighed.

It was ridiculous, plus it would need to adapt to other environments. It would need to factor in sea travel and the possibility of bugs eating the virus. So many factors, so little time. If these five-thousand do not die within the next three months or earlier, they could cause catastrophic imbalance between Life and Death. Already there are more humans being born than dying.

As the advisors argued among themselves, Delmar took time and took stock of the current situation.

He was behined in deaths: check.

He had several imbalances in the world that need to be corrected: check.

Humanity is getting smarter, not dying, in fact, flourishing: check.

Hell and Paradise are getting on his nerves: check.

He has a headache: check.

Why do I feel like this isn't the first time this has happened? Oh right, it isn't the first time. In fact, this is the twenty-millionth time. Great, just great. Delmar thought to himself.

Just then, a knock on the Council door broke the arguing and musing. As a death guard opened it, and angel came through.

It was a Heavenly advisor, they are about the same size as the death advisors but are not skeletons. Instead look almost identical to humans in every way except smarter, kinder, and more annoying because they keep track of everything.

Think of it as a really annoying co-worker that knows everything, and bothers you about it.

This ones name is Silica, of the Souls Department of Heaven. Delmar knows because he knows. He doesn't know how he knows but knows because he's death. It makes sense on paper.

Delmar sighed "Hello Silica... back so soon?"

Silica simply sighed and tossed a folder on the table, then she pinched her own nose as she looked at Delmar.

"Three months in a row you have failed to deliver souls in time, three months and five-thousand souls are not in their proper place in time. Delmar, Paradise and Hell have had a long standing agreement to disperse souls evenly throughout all three Kingdoms. But, if you are withholding souls within Limbo we will have to dismantle your kingdom until such a ti-"

She was interrupted by a groan from Delmar.

"Look, I'm trying my damn best to get the souls wherever the hell they need to go. But I can't keep up with the amount of souls Hell and Paradise need. Do you realize how hard it is to kill so many people in such a time crunch? I can't kill humans extravagantly anymore, I've had to start killing them in groups. I had to start implementing terrorist attacks just so I can keep up! Even diseases aren't coming up with any results."

Delmar sighed and sat back in his chair, reminiscing about the Old Times.

"I remember when it was so much easier gathering souls. Hell...humans even thought of it as a religious practice of sacrificing humans. But ever since Paradise gave them intelligence, it has become harder to kill them quick enough. Religion is no longer a big factor anymore, now humans are focusing on science and manipulating a bacteria that can kill anything other than themselves. Do you realize that Silica?"

Silica sighed "I'm sorry Delmar, but it isn't Hell's or Paradise's decision to kill, just how much. It's your kingdom of Limbo that decides when they die."

"I understand that you are frustrated, and I don't like having to come here and tell you the news. But, you don't really have a choice. Last month you were behined three-thousand souls, now its five-thousand. I'm sorry, but you need to-"

"No." Silica abruptly stopped and looked at Delmar surprisingly. Even Delmar's advisors looked surprised.

"I'm sorry?" Silica said aghast.

"No, I'm not doing it. In fact, I'm taking a vacation." Delmar looked at Silica plainly, but to also get his point across.

"B-b-but...your DEATH! You don't take vacat-"

"Do now." Delmar interrupted again.

"Look Silica, I've been in this gig since the Lord himself appointed me over forever ago. You wouldn't think that I would have a backup would you?"

"You have a backup?" Silica looked quizzically at Delmar, slowly getting more perplexed as she thought about Death having a backup.

"Yes, his name is Grim. Kinda looks like me but wears a cloak. Talks real slow and menacing like, kinda edgy with the whole afterlife deal. Has a pet dog with three heads, named it Cerberus. You know him?" Delmar stated flatly.

"No...Of all the entity's I know I never knew him..." She tried to wrack her brain, but nothing came up.

"Makes sense, because I used Paradise's life-maker-thingy to make a...what is it...heir? Yeah."

"You used the REBIRTH MACHINE!? Are you mad!? Only the High Council members can...use..." Silica stopped talking as it finally hit her.

"You're part of the High Council? Since when?" She asked not-so-very politely.

"Since I was appointed as Death. I have a right to that machine, and it was the first time I used it, so I'm not in trouble or anything. Besides, I haven't told Grim anything sugar-coated. I gave him the full training course as Death for this occasion." Delmar smiled, how it was possible Silica didn't know.

"Well...where is Grim now?" Silica asked with slight worry.

"Three...two...one..."

As soon as Delmar said one, the entire room filled with a haze, and a cloaked figure appeared behined Delmar with glowing white orbs as eyes. Delmar turned around and snapped his fingers nonchalantly. The haze cleared as Grim appeared annoyed.

"You never let me have my fucking moment do you..." Grim's voice was a mixture of pain and regret. Deep like the Challenger Deep, and booming like a loudspeaker, it sent chills down Silica's spine. But she had to admit...

Delmar did a nice job, for his first time.

"Who's soul did you exactly recycle....?" Silica whispered in Delmar's ear hole.

"Remember that guy from London? I think his name was Jack the Ri-"

"Are you fucking insane!? Are you absolutely retarded that you would recycle HIS soul!?" Silica hissed in his ear, remembering the murders he committed during his time as a human. In all his years, he has never heard Silica swear, and it was fucking funny.

"Excuse me, I had him on a leash for over thirty odd years and then some, and I made triple sure he wouldn't kill any random people. Besides, who do you think has been collecting souls as we were talking?" Delmar looked at Silica with a shit-eating grin that she still thought was spiritually and physically impossible.

Silica sighed and breathed in and out slowly "Are you sure he can handle it?"

"Oh yes absolutely. The training went smoothly and easier than I expected. He seemed to understand the importance of killing certain people at the right time instead of just randomly. He even took the liberty of starting on that five-thousand soul debt that we need." Delmar was proud of what he managed to achieve.

"Wait, he will be taking over your position for the time being... that means he will be coming to Council meetings and he will be interacting with the Lords of Hell and Paradise. Does he know how to handle himself?" Silica looked at Delmar, and he looked back with another smile.

Silica felt her stomach twist slightly "You didn't..."

"Of course I trained him how to talk to people, I even had him pay a visit to Hell itself and talk with the Lords there."

Silica wanted to pull her hair out, all the while Delmar was laughing.

As all of this was going on, Grim simply watched with slight confusion.

Delmar and Silica seemed to notice this, and started to wrap their conversation up.

"So do you understand Silica? You will tell the Council that I will be taking leave and Grim here will be in charge as of now." Delmar gestured a hand over to the cloaked figure.

Silica nodded apprehensively "Yeah, I'll tell them alright..."

"Good. Now Grim, remember what I trained you for. Don't kill people randomly, keep the place clean, and stay on top of that soul debt."

"Yeah...sure..." Grim said in his usual melancholic tone.

"Alright, looks like I'm all set! See you bi-"

"Hold it there buster." Silica grabbed Delmar's arm and burned his hand, leaving a rune of some sort.

"What is this? Some type of tracker spell? I'm not a dog you know." Delmar mused.

"No you fool. It's a communication rune, so I can contact you in case shit goes sideways. You will receive weekly reports from me about Grim, Paradise, Hell, Limbo you know the usual." Silica plainly stared at Delmar.

"Aw, you'll miss me, how sweet. What no peck on the cheek?" Delmar teased.

Silica blushed and slapped Delmar "Not in a million fucking years, I have a spouse already you dolt! If you don't remember it was Archangel Micheal. Y'know the Angel of Annihilation?" Silica glared at Delmar.

"Jeeze what crawled up your ass? I didn't know female entity's could get periods to."

Delmar's comment got him another slap that spun his head around. Delmar reached up and slapped both sides of his skull in place. Silica stormed out, who was followed by the advisors. Must be time to work again.

Delmar looked at Grim, who looked back. Both stared blankly at one another for a few awkward moments.

"...So is Silica married to Micheal or naw?" Grim asked in a weird accent.

Delmar punched Grim in the face and walked out, leaving Grim on the floor with a scroll of instructions on How to Run Limbo for Dummies.

Grim sighed "I should've been a baker..."

Delmar gathered his things from within his chambers, and stared outside in the vastness of Limbo. He had rare moments like this, no teasing or yelling, no ordering anybody, it was a good calm. One he was glad to be rid of once he left Limbo.

He decided his destination should be the place with the most harmonic tone he could find. Of course he would need to use magic to get there. It was in another dimension after all. However, he couldn't exactly see what his destination was, as his magic only influenced this dimension. It's easier to explain on paper.

Triple checking his magic, and his blood magic reserves, he seemed ready to go. Beaming magic was a common practice among the dead, as souls would like to tease the living with pranks or scare them. It was entertaining to listen to some of the stories, that is something Delmar would miss after he left.

After focusing magic on one point about the size of a hydrogen atom, he opened a portal to the place he wished to go. What was weird is that the portal showed a black wall. Delmar curiously put a bony hand through it and felt air, and sensed magic that wasn't familiar to him. Guessing it was safe, Delmar hopped through and landed flat on his face on solid ground.

Well that hurt...

After rolling on his back, he soon realized the quietness his surroundings were. Peace was everywhere he listened, as he scanned the sky, he could see birds singing and bugs buzzing. He smelled the soothing scent of trees and flowers, fresh in bloom. It would seem his magic was right, this place is peaceful.

Delmar got up and scanned the landscape, feeling the breeze as he did so. He seemed to be in a forest of some sort, as the trees were in plenty and blocked out the sky, which only let in some of the suns rays. Somehow, that made the peace all the better.

Delmar noticed the sun moving oddly, he was used to Humanity confirming the sun moved on it's own axis and not across the sky. But as Delmar stared, he could sense the faint magic on the sun, as if it was moving by force and not by nature. It was weird, but he paid no mind, he wouldn't judge another dimensions physics. You do you.

Delmar heard splashing, a river maybe? Either way the stench of radiation lingered on Delmar, traveling along the currents of time and space does that to a person. Might as well wash up.

As he walked he took time to study the flora around him, as he always loved to do on other planets he visited in his own dimension. What was odd however, wasn't that they were different, but similar, almost exact to the ones on Earth. The leaves, trees, even the scent of flowers seemed all to familiar.

This concerned him, so Delmar stopped his walking and sent a magic ping into the atmosphere. Once it returned he was relieved to learn it wasn't Earth, but was Earth like. It was rare to be on a planet like this, as Delmar has visited many during his time. The magical ping also picked up several magic hot spots around the planet. It was even rarer to find a magical planet that carried over to another dimension, but it still didn't surprise Delmar. As everything that could be thought of in life, exist somewhere.

Delmar continued on his walk, coming along a river bank. He looked into the water and stared at the river bed. Never has he seen something so clear in his life. It was truly beautiful.

Curiously, a fish seemed to notice his presence and it stared at him. Delmar stared back. The fish responded by blinking. Delmar also blinked. Soon, Delmar was having a conversation with a fish through... fish talk.

What are you? I have never seen anything like you before!

I am a God, or something like one. But how curious, I never thought I would be talking to a fish.

I never thought I would be talking to something so scary! But you seem nice enough, though your eyes seem very terrifying, so deep and black like a void!

How rude! I never thought that a fish would be so blatantly mean to my appearance! I dare say sir, where are your manners?

Now look who is being mean! I happen to be a female river-bed fish sir! And I have you know that I happen to be one of the kinder things in this forest!

There are other animals that talk? Or have intelligence?

Of course! You should know that, you are talking to me after all! What, you think that fish are just mindless creatures like the Timberwolves?

Timberwolves?

Oh yes, very mean things! They kill whatever they please and leave nothing! Though the Manticores are just as bad! Oh and don't get me started on the Evil Chickens!

I say, I think they are more rude than you or I could manage! I apologize for assuming your gender miss...?

Oh my friends call me Delphine, charmed. I would also like to apologize for calling you scary and your eyes black like a void.

No worries, they are voids!

Both Delmar and the fish shared a laugh, however the fishes laugh was just bubbles rising from the river.

It was nice meeting you mister! But I have to return to my children, it is feeding time!

Alright, it was very nice to meet you miss Delphine, I will see you around!

Both Delmar and the fish parted ways. Delmar had to admit, this planet is full of surprises. And that fish, Delphine, was a very polite fish. Telepathic communication works wonders.

However, he couldn't understand why she had a British accent.

Author's Note

I got bored.