Some time spent contemplating my situation while laying on the bed still, followed by a dash to the bathroom to clean up, and I had a choice to make.

No, the choice wasn't what pants to wear (though I did need pants). The change back to near-humanity was slow in coming, which probably had to do with who had pounded me. There was still the giddy little voice of vagina saying yay over and over again like a particular yellow pegasus. There was absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex, I only wish it hadn't ended quite how it did.

I was surprised Celestia hadn't given me a grade.

But he—probably she by now—was true to her words. The nation needed running. "Okay, so my only safe choice is Princess Twilight."

Pants on, shirt too, and then my socks and shoes. I opened the door of my suit to see one of the most perfect men yet. "Excuse me," I said. "Do you know what room Princess Twilight Sparkle is in?"

Chiseled features and the most vivid blue hair I'd ever seen adorned the unicorn. "Did you really let Princess Celestia ride your back the first day you're here? You know she won't stop now, right?"

The conversation shift I hadn't expected happened. How had we reached buddy-guy talk from directions? "It was kinda fun, to be honest. Uh, about Princess Tw—"

"What am I saying? Maybe you're the one? Finally, Princess Celestia found a guy that takes it more readily than even her Royal Guard!

"It's Paul, right?" At my nod he continued. "Look, Paul—Wait!" To my absolute shock the guy straightened up, turned, and ran off as fast as his legs would take him. The Pythons had it right. Camelot/Canterlot was a silly place.

I looked left and right and then picked the direction that led toward Celestia's own rooms. Sure enough standing opposite her door was two men who looked just like the first, but a lot more credible.

"Excuse me, did you happen to see a purple alico—"

"He's in his room," one guard said.

A question burned inside me. He'd used male pronouns, which meant he acknowledged that Twilight was a stallion. "When addressing a princess who's—uh—excited, how do you refer to them?"

Both guards gave me the most cheerful and happy of smiles. "The last time Celestia railed me, I called her Harder Please."

"I just called her Faster," the second guard said.

Fucking. Comedians.

Okay, I was a proud guy, but these two had obviously had experience in something I needed help with (according to Celestia). "Right, I walking into that. But I gotta ask, how—uh—do you last?"

"With Celestia?" Mr. Slight Dimples When He Smiled asked.

"Yeah. I was—this is really hard to explain—I blew my top too early. I've never been with a stallion with that much stamina."

"Don't clench," Dimples said.

"Yeah, don't clench. Clenching doesn't slow her down, but it makes you feel a lot more. I guess practice helps too," Mr. Small Scar On Jaw said.

"Practice? How am I going to get more practice?!" I asked.

Both men laughed and looked back down the hall in the direction I'd come. I followed their gaze to see them looking at my suite's door. Both then traced their eyes up the relatively short distance to Celestia's door.

I was starting to get an idea about Celestia and if this wasn't Equestria and she wasn't princess, it might sound messed up. "She really likes to—"

"Why do you think we're on bedroom guard duty? The roster changes daily," Scar said.

"You mean she bangs two different guys every day?" I looked between them and noticed their BS-smiles were back. "More?"

"You know," Dimples said. "One day I was on guard duty in the throne room. She spent the whole day as a stallion. Sunup to sundown."

"She stopped at sundown?" I asked.

"No, that's when my legs gave out and she moved on." The crazy thing was that Dimples said it with a straight face.

Consolidate, Paul. These two will spin you tales all day long. Focus down to the task at hand. "So Princess Twilight's room is the next one?"

"No. That's Princess Luna's. Princess Twilight is on the other side."

"Thanks, guys," I said.

"No. Thank you. She was having a really sour day until she came back from her meeting with you. I was worried I wouldn't get any at all tonight," Dimples said.

"Fat chance of that. Even on her worse days Celestia'll take a pair of mares to bed."

I turned away and started walking in the direction indicated. The motif of the hall changed from sun patterns to moons. The darker shades caused less light by dint of dimmer reflections—it was soothing. I walked past that door (ignoring the guards there) and headed to the next.

Reaching for the door handle, I sensed movement behind me. A spear tip gently touched the wood of the door beside my hand. I turned my head to follow the haft of the weapon to another god-tier stud of a guy. "Uh…?"

"You don't open the door of a Princess' suite until she has been notified," Mr. Good With A Spear said. "Would you like us to notify her?" Just like all the rest of the Royal Guard, the lone guard on this door was perfection, though unlike all the guards I'd seen so far his fur was brown. His eyes were a bewitching green, and he had a unicorn horn proud on his forehead.

"Sure. I just wanted to know if she's okay." I slowly drew my hand back from the door, and when it was a good foot away the spear left my immediate vicinity. Okay, these guys might joke around and bang princesses, but they were deadly serious about their job, too. Good to know.

Stepping forward, Long Spear stepped up to the door and lifted one fist up to bang on its surface. "Princess Twilight, one of your friends is here." Then he opened the door, grabbed my shoulder, and practically threw me inside.

I spun around to see Long Spear give me a wink as he closed the door. Wait! No! That isn't what I wanted to see her about! This place is mad! Turning around, I saw a confused looking Twilight Sparkle sitting on her couch in a dressing gown.

Twilight had a book out and was writing in it. Somehow, despite the banging on the door and the shouting, she hadn't even looked up from the book.

"Twilight?" I asked.

Oh no, Paul, of course actually speaking her name wouldn't break the Princess of Books from a book-trance.

I walked over and waved a hand in front of Twilight's face. "Twilight?"

Princess Twilight Sparkle jumped out of her chair as if I'd just teleported in buck naked and tweaked her nipples. "Paul! What brings you to climax—I mean here?!"

Subtlety would be completely lost on her unless it was written down, so I decided on blunt. "Why were you hiding in my closet?"

"To study your power. You have no idea how amazingly interesting cutie mark magic can be, and this is so amazing I couldn't wait to study it!" While Twilight spoke, her magic resumed writing in one book and her hand plucked up a second quill to write in another.

"Hold on! Study it? I thought you didn't want to?"

Twilight was eyeing a third quill with intent to use it when I grabbed all three with my hand. This had the effect of jerking her attention away from her writing. "Huh? Oh! Hello Paul! How fortuitous, I was just writing about you!"

This was a test. My calm, even demeanor was being tested. "Twilight, why didn't you get all this studying of my talent done in Ponyville? You could have helped me control it!"

"I couldn't." Twilight stuck her tongue out of one corner of her mouth before almost a dozen quills popped into existence. "Cease and desist order."

Unable to fight the swarm of quills now attempting to write, I pulled away her notebooks. "What do you mean cease and desist order? You're a princess!"

Twilight made the saddest noise I could ever imagine coming from a pony girl, so I slid one notebook back to her—five quills attacked it at once. "Well, it was just after I'd tried to find some problems to fix, and ended up enslaving half the town with mind-control magic, then I used time travel to warn myself not to time travel—that didn't work—when Mayor Mare filed a suit in Eastern District of Canterlot's court that forbid me from performing any kind of experimentation on, or research into citizens or their behavior in and around the city of Ponyville."

The way she spoke made it sound like she was using words directly from the official cease and desist order (that apparently existed).

"Naturally I challenged it, and lost. Then when I became a princess, I challenged it again. Mayor Mare is really tricky, though. She'd gotten Princess Celestia to approve the order just in case. Who does something just in case somepony becomes a princess?" Twilight snorted dismissively. "So I can't research anyone in Ponyville. We're not in Ponyville right now!"

I let go of the second notebook and almost jumped back as the swarm of quills descended in a parody of a shark feeding frenzy. I had unwittingly been divested of my protection against the most inquisitive person I knew who had almost-but-not-quite ultimate authority.

Some might run screaming, others would ball their hands into fists and fight, but I looked down from Twilight's face and remembered why I loved Equestria despite all the strangeness of it. Back on Earth, I'd have laughed if someone told me D cup breasts could be as perky as Twilight's seemed to be. Rumors around the male population of Ponyville held that she wore a push-up bra, but I didn't think so.

Twilight, I doubted, knew what a push-up bra was. Her girls were almost always covered, but I could almost imagine what the treasures of them were—

"PAUL!" Twilight said.

My eyes were dragged upward by force of will. "Y-Yes, princess?"

"Wonderful! I'll get started, then. I promise you won't even notice I'm there most of the time."

The logical thing to do would be to explain that I was asking a question and hadn't just agreed to—WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST AGREE TO?! "T-Twilight?"

"No need to thank me, Paul. Just go about your normal task and do all the people—things you normally would."

I turned and walked for the door. Never had I been so completely bamboozled by breasts. I felt like the core of my world were betraying me. Staggering to the door in a daze not unlike the one that had gotten me into this mess (whatever the mess actually was), I blindly opened the doors of Twilight's room and stepped outside.

Soft pink flesh became my world. I sighed in boob-loving bliss as I recognized the soft furry slice of heaven for what it was. "I'm home."

My brain ignored the snorting laughter, but the high-pitched giggle got my attention—mostly because it made the amazing boobs my face was pressed into jiggle and move. "This is him, Shiny?"

"Yeah. Guys said he had half of Ponyville pregnant before the first baby was born. While I'd rather he took his nose out of my wife's bust, I certainly won't complain if he can help us." It was the guard from earlier who'd acted extra weird.

They were double Ds if they were anything. I nuzzled around a little—earning more giggles—before I had to pull back and get a proper idea of the ladies I'd just become acquainted with. The woman stood easily six foot ten—she was huge—but she was nothing if not perfection. I wasn't a hip man, I wasn't a butt man, and I wasn't even a thigh man, but every single one of the aforementioned assets of this woman would have converted me—if it weren't for her breasts.

"I love you." The words fell from my lips. Forget D, they weren't even in that ballpark. This goddess of perfection had a pair of breasts that were Es, maybe Fs, and they were fucking amazing. They tilted just right, and with the right angle I could see the hint of the outline of her nipples—both were tilted up slightly. "I love you both."

I reached up, my hands shaking as they neared the wonders before me, only to have that guard from before step between me and the loves of my life.

"Shiny, be nice. He only wanted to"—the goddess let out a little giggle—"well, I think he wanted to do a lot of things, but he's not going to get to because I'm all yours, Shiny." She put her arms over the guy's shoulders and hugged him to her front.

I'd never really known envy this bad, but I had to fight it. I'd gotten to bang (well, be banged by) Princess DD Celestia. Who was this woman (goddess) compared to Celestia? "S-Sorry," I said, "I should probably introduce myself properly. Hi, I'm Paul."

The goddess smiled at me and held out one hand over the guy's shoulder for me to shake. "Pleased to meet you, Paul. My name's Cadance, and this is my husband, Shining Armor."

Lots of little facts collided with the Titanic of a fact I'd just had dropped. I looked up and saw a horn, down to her shoulders (which was still up to me) and saw pink wings. I hadn't been far wrong calling her goddess, at least as far my talent was concerned. Cadance was for love like I was for swelling bellies. If there was one person in all Equestria who was better at filling a maternity ward than I was, it was Princess Cadance.

"P-Pleased to meet you both." What else was there to say?

Shining tilted back, which put the lucky bastard's head firmly against Cadance's cleavage. "Should we say—?"

Cadance shook her head. "Sorry, Paul, I'd love to chat, but we have important—royal—business to take care of. I guess we'll see you around?"

"Sh-Sure," I said, and watched the couple just walk away.

"If they weren't trying for a baby, they both would have banged you, you know?" The voice was deep and rich. I turned to look at who'd spoken only to see a pony.

He—this stallion was definitely a he—stood almost as tall as Celestia did as a stallion. He was a deep cobalt blue, and had a mane and tail that didn't resemble the night sky—they were the night sky. Constellations of stars were visible and twinkling in his hair. It could only be one person, it was Prince Luna—he who had taken the brunt of the curse.

I only wish I could have seen his breasts just once. Such was one of the many regrets of my life. "Your High—"

"Don't call me that. Just Luna, please."

"My name's Paul." There wasn't much else to say. Okay, I lied. "You wanna go somewhere and have a drink?"

It was insanity. Asking a royal prince out for a cider or two (don't even get me started on Equestria's lack of beer) just because it felt like the right thing to do? I was an idiot, but—

"That sounds good, actually. I don't think either of us have any duties around here until evening." Luna's words basically gave away that he knew why I was here. He turned in place—the sound of his hooves echoing down the huge hallway—and pointed back the way I'd come. "You don't mind if I pick the place?"

This had blossomed from curiosity to nigh bromance—Luna was going to show me the best bars? For some reason I doubted they would be fancy or up-market places. "Lead on, your Luna-ness."

I caught the hint of a smile crease Luna's lips.

Author's Note

Paul: what will you if you do end up with a foal?

I couldn't help laughing. "Not going to happen. I talked with Softheart and she told me more than I ever wanted to know about the female reproductive system. I have this totally under control."

So I do this "Ask X" thing. X can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and they will definitely, hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories, and they will answer the best question in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer. Try to keep it to one question per post! They will pick one question per chapter.

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