Assault- and Apeppa-Tron

I looked up at the statue of my best friend, covered in ivy and moss. The garden tenders wanted to clean her but they found that they couldn't reach her. A crackling barrier of laser energy became apparent the closer you got to her. Only a few select ponies could traverse the barrier. Me, Celestia, Luna, and Celestia's student, Twilight.

Unfortunately Twilight always wanted to dismantle the 'obviously lifeless' PE.P.A, so we mainly keep her away.

I was shaken from my thoughts by a crackling and the snapping of plants. Then a loud humming like PE.P.A's laser. The barrier had fallen. I gazed up at my friend. Red began to create a halo around her.

"PE.P.A. Welcome back." I said with tears in my eyes as she moved for the first time in over a millennia.

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"PE.P.A. Welcome back." My friends voice echoed in my head as i shook off the plants that had latched to me. I looked at Skies. She flew at me so hard that I fell off the pillar I had been placed on. She then squeezed me just as hard.

"Hello...Skies." I said. Then a sudden shock came from my Core port and I quickly did a diagnostic.

"I...Need...A...Core." I struggled out as I rapidly lost power. Skies reached into the base of my pedestal and took out a leather satchel. She then reached inside and pulled out a Fusion Core.

"We needed to keep these safe from Twilight. She's Celestia's star student. Special talent in magic. Where do I put it?" she asks as i gesture to the port on my back. She quickly removes my current Core and inserts the new one. I let out a content sigh.

"So, how long?" I ask Skies. Her head dips, face scrunching up in pain of remembrance.

"One thousand, one hundred and fifty years. I was alone for all that time. The princesses were there but after a while, the excitement of being immortal died down. I just wanted you back. I just wante-" She didn't finish as she got cut off by a purple blur that resolved itself to be a unicorn. She started to rapidly spurt words as I recoiled.

"Ohmygoshyou'rerealandnotjustastatielikethelegendsandstoriessayohmygoshohmygoshohmy-" she in turn was cut off by me clamping one of my hands over her mouth.

"Thank Faust that's over." Skies said. She smiled at me. I nodded to her.

"Your quite right." I look to Twilight and take my hand off. "So, do you want to build a snowman?" She looks at me with a confused expression.

I quickly fixed my speech. "Sorry. Just got back online after over a millennium, I'm aloud to have some faults in my speech hardware." She just nods at me.

"So, you are PE.P.A, the po-umm, person, that confronted Discord and disintegrated his throne?" Twilight asks, taking out a notepad, a quill, and a small lizard-like creature that I'm guessing is a dragon. "Spike, write this down." She instructs the dragon. She then turns to me.

"So, what is it like in a festering tartarushole of chaos?" She asked me. I simply groaned and started up my projector. It shined on my pedestal and created a picture of the view I saw from upon the hill slightly outside.

"This. And it wasn't a 'festering tartarushole of chaos', it was a chaotic plain. No tartarushole." I said as I adjusted to play the events of that day.

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Twilight looked about ready to burst as she saw the beam of harmony magic I shot into the sky. She quickly grabbed the notebook and wrote down an analysis of what she saw. I humored her and gave her my results on the signature the beam emitted. After we were finished I looked her in the eye.

"You good?" I ask her, even though she's visibly shaking with excitement. As he was about to answer a sound tore away my attention. I looked up, and saw a face I loved to see.

"Welcome back, PE.P.A. I see you've met Twilight." Celestia said with a big smile. As I nodded she turned to Twilight, who was in the process of bowing, only stopping because of the pure excitement in Celestia's voice.

"Twilight, I have an assignment for you, but you'll need PE.P.A to come along..."

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"So, what exactly are we doing?" I ask Twilight on the way to the town of 'Ponyville'. The puns are strong with these ones.

"Ugh, well, Celestia has chosen me to oversee the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration," She puffed her chest out at that before deflating. "And also that the top priority was to make friends." She said with a venomous tone. I gave her a look that could pass for a really? face, if I had a face i could move.

"You gotta be kidding me. You get a super important assignment from your mentor and leader of the place, and you're getting toxic about making friends? Goddamn it, why did I even come on this ride?" I hurled at her before continuing. "Oh, that's right, to meet the ponies of Equestria and make friends! How stupid are you?" I finished my rant and laid back. "And I had to leave my only friend and my first, and don't sling the argument of Spike being your friend, because you use him as your personal draconic slave! When have you treated him as equal, like a pony? You hatched and raised him, for crying out loud! But what do I know? I'm only a living compassionate soul fused with the energy of the Elements of Harmony and a super smart combat AI that is a whiz at math in order to pinpoint the means necessary for besting an opponent!" She just stared at me with a bewildered expression.

"Umm, uhahaha...eeeh I got nothing. You're right, I don't have any friends, I've abused Spike, and I continue to act innocent." She sniffs. I catch the reflection of a tear falling down her face.

"Hey, hey. Sorry if that was a bit harsh. I've been very detached. Sitting in Equestria's waiting room gets kinda boring, but hey, at least Nightmare moon kept me company when she arrived. Though, some of the stuff there will tear you apart. Luckily the Crystal Empire showed up, otherwise we wouldn't have had anywhere to go." I joked. She just looked at me, mind-boggled.

"You, you met Nightmare Moon. Oh my gosh, I was right! She's real!" She started to hyperventilate. I patted her back.

"Easy, easy, breathe Twilight, breath." I said before turning my attention to the drivers. "Hey, when we gonna get there?" I asked them.

"Soon." One of them replied as Ponyville came into view.

"Well, Twilight, lets go check out Ponyville." I said as we landed.

"Yes, lets." She said back. Together we hopped off the chariot, a sleeping Spike on Twilight's back.