~~Dear Twilight,~~

~~If you wanted maybe I can instruct you further on~~

~~Dear Twilight,~~

~~I think it is perhaps time to~~

"Ugh, I long for the days, when I could just ask Luna to give me a dirty dream." Celestia spat, she then softened and looked longingly up at the moon. "I miss you, sister. If it's any consolation at all."

After a moment she broke her with the Mare in the Moon and returned to her stationery. She adjusted her inkwell and dipped her pen. Celestia's mind wandered a bit while her pen hovered over the blank page, getting a few drips of ink onto the table. Her gaze fell to the dripping feather pen and suddenly, without warning visions of cum-drenched Twilights danced in her head. Feeling self loathing coming on, she hastily shook those thoughts away, crumbled up the blank page and threw it in the garbage can next to her desk.

She groans. Celestia had forgotten how deprived she had been, being a princess had its perks, but the eligible bachelors...Not so much. All the tasty Royal Guard all have somepony back home (Not that she hasn't thought about dancing that dance before.) and her personal staff was -In Celestia's words- "Universally icky." She momentarily entertained summoning some random earth pony to take one for the team.

She momentarily entertained the fantasy. "Do you know why I've summoned you? 'No, my princess, why? To make abhorrent and absurdly pleasurable love to you?' Yes, now please your princess!" Celestia said, playing both parts in this sick little play of her imagination.

She pondered if the aforementioned pony would refuse if she actually went through with it. "Psh. Who would refuse me? This plot?" She thought aloud.

Feeling a bit morose, gazing at her butt in the mirror, she let her face slump on her desk. She twirled a hoof gently around her inkwell, in boredom while she idly magicked her pen. She again caught the sight of her rear in the mirror and it stopped her fidgeting. She frowned and put her pen to the side.

Her body shape hadn't changed for a good century, but somehow it looked...older. Celestia sometimes found herself wishing her sexual desires would have dissolved with age. But immortality is persistent and fate can give you powerful reminders that everything works better than it ever did. She sighed and guiltily eyed Twilight's last letter. It was set on her nightstand and had seen significant use over the past few days. It had a fair bit more wear than Twilight's usual letters. She wrapped her magic around it and lazily floated the crinkled parchment in front of her eyes. "Is she really that innocent? Because this pony has been sending me pornography. Well-written to boot! A-plus, my faithful student. You've succeeded in making your faithful mentor very hot and bothered." She thought, and finished with a small sigh.

Celestia abandoned her station at the desk and moped her way to the bed, dragging her hooves. She laid down on her bed and went "UGHHHHHH!" into a nearby pillow. The pillow had seen it's fair share of use in this respect as well. The events are concordant.

She didn't know what was more messed up. The fact that she didn't stop Twilight from writing her these things, the fact that she had masturbated for three nights in a row to those letters, or that she was almost about to send her student, the eloquent version of a late-night booty call. She stood fully upright on her bed in defiance to her sinking mood. "I am not going to mope. There is a kitchen downstairs and I'm going to drown my sorrows in sugar."

Deciding that she wasn't in the mood for a salute, Celestia decided to leave by way of window. She opened the twin doors of her lavish windows, the gossamer curtains blew gently out into the courtyard.

The cool night air blow in and she stepped on the balcony, spreading her wings. She silently took flight and with one flap of her graceful wings, she gently glided her way into the castle courtyard.

"Time for a snack." As the words left her lips her smile got persistent. The entrance to her favorite kitchen was right in front of her. It was her favorite because this was where they usually made the castle desserts or whatever sweet delicacy they happen to be preparing for whatever nobility needed to be impressed...

"Ugh, nobles." She murmured under her breath as she trotted to the door. The Princess had been caught more than several times stealing sweets from this particular kitchen. Whether it was depression, munchies or a late night snack, she didn't like waiting the whole day for it when there was a banquet. There was one time where the pastry chef mysteriously misplaced half of his stock for The Grand Galloping Gala. She wasn't caught that time. But several guards spotted Celestia leaving her room with pastry crumbs all over her mouth, the gossip was rampant.

Memories of the castle murmurs set off a sigh deep within her. She thinks to herself. "It is one of those nights, time to treat myself."

With a bit of a shady vibe, Celestia opened the doors, and found it slightly odd that they weren't locked. The castle staff wouldn't dream of telling her majest not to go somewhere. But make no mistake, the locks were for Celestia. It was a fringe effort, keeping an Alicorn from her midnight snack. It was a task her subjects didn't know how to deal with. Any security measures would be immediately broken, to the utter dismay of the castle's pastry chef.

Celestia started to hum as she strolled into the kitchen. She knew it so well, that she had her sights set already on a jar of jelly beans in the fourth pantry, the third shelf up. She considered this space hers, and she wouldn't take any flak from whats-his-face-french-chef. Celestia really wanted those jelly beans and thought the gossip an acceptable risk.

As she strode to her prize, she realized she wasn't alone. Someone was rooting through the fridge. It took a second for her to notice on account of her jelly bean fixation. Celestia froze up for a second, she was caught and she didn't want a lecture from an angry french pony. Feeling a bit embarrassed, she turned to hightail it out of there but remembered halfway out the door that she was a princess.

"Wait a minute this is my castle!" she thought abruptly and she suddenly cared not for the opinions of lesser mortals regarding her snack. She demurely cleared her throat at the person rooting through the fridge.

The pony jolted, and leaned back, peeking out of the refrigerator door, revealing an impressively large pony with a scruffy red mane, dark red coat, stunningly toned flanks and an apple for a- "You have got to be kidding me."

"Oh! Princess Celestia! Uh...Nope." Big Mac said, nervously grinning. "Just a little late, I reckon!"

"A little." Celestia said narrowing her eyes, suspicious at this rather stunning turn of events.

Holding a jar of what looked like some kind of preserves in his teeth he tries to speak. "Sorry ma'am, uh Princess. Mr.Lorange, said-"

"Mr. Lorange is my pastry chef Big Macintosh I know what he said, what he will say and everything he will say forever."

Celestia wasn't amused by this rather intrusive temptation. She was about ready to shout for her sister to see if she was in one of Luna's surprise sex dreams. It was late, and she was Horngry and she was super not in the mood for pleasantries.

"Uh. Eyyup?" Big Mac said, sweating bullets. He wasn't sure what he did. But apparently he just somehow antagonized the ruler of Equestria and this is devastating for Big Mac because he usually tries to keep a low profile. "Great, you dunce! You just pissed off the Princess! Say Something!"

Interminable silence, only broken up by the sounds of jars being put onto shelves. Celestia's flowing hair was in sharp contrast to her face, which remained a little peeved at the situation the universe had provided.

"Have you finished?" She said impatiently, cocking an eyebrow at the slightly smaller farm pony.

"Right quick, I reckon." he said, now nervously speeding up, lest he incurs the wrath of snack-deprived Alicorn. "If only I had a horn" He thought to himself, but alas, he continues, jar by jar, with only his teeth to aid him.

"Mmhmm." Celestia said, offering no assistance. She usually refrained from snacking in front of her subjects, there was a certain indignity to letting the world see the glutton side of her. But she sighed in frustration and decided to forget her usual rule and submit to sweets.

She trotted unenthusiastically past Big Mac to get to the pantry. She magically opened it, and levitated the jar of beans to an easy mouth to jar ratio of distance. She leaned up against the counter, unscrewed the cap, which she noisily discarded onto the floor and one by one, started tossing colorful beans into her mouth with a grimace.

Big Mac places a jar.

Celestia eats a jelly bean.

Jar.

Bean.

Jar.

Bean.

Big Mac places another jar of preserves in the fridge and tries to break the tension a little. "Uh, I apologize 'bout the late deliv'ry."

"Yeah, you apologize.." Celestia starts rooting around in the jar for a specific colored bean. She eventually finds her yellow colored prize, amidst some jarring noise of searching through the jar and she tosses it into her mouth. "Popcorn." she says dryly.

"Y-y-ya'll know how them trains are. Just got in a mite later than usual." He eyes, the kitchen cart, only a few more jars left then he's home free. He loads them into the fridge as fast as possible while Celestia just looks him up and down, with an unamused expression. "Tasty." She says.

"My trains are usually on time...Strawberry." She popped another jelly bean into her mouth and chewed rather slowly, leering at the workhorse from across the kitchen.

"AHEM! UHm....eyup. Well that's it, now! G'night now Princess!" He said, attempting to close the fridge but was stopped midway by a yellow glow of magic on the door.

"What kind of preserves are those?" Celestia said, sliding up next to the pony, making him jump. He was now trapped between the refrigerator door and Celestia, and he was nervous as all get-out. She inspected one of the jars closely, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhm...apple, AHEM! Preserves. Princess."

"It'll do." She says. Bringing the jar with her, Celestia hops up onto the center kitchen island, crossing her legs and leaning back. She opens the jar unceremoniously and tosses the cap on the floor with the other. "You may go." After she says this, she dips a hoof into the jar and begins slowly licking it clean.

Big Mac is a bit stunned and didn't exactly register what the Princess said at this rather shocking sight. But he turns to leave just the same. Just as he reaches the door he hears Celestia say. "This is no good."

"Uhm what isn't ma'am-uh-Princess?" He doesn't turn around but he hears Celestia trotting towards him.

"Taste this." A white hoof, iced with apple preserves, appears before Macintosh, he can feel the alicorn's warmth because of how close she is and he starts shaking.

"UHM...bad batch ma'am? I apologize." He manages to tremble out.

"Just taste it." Celestia whispers sternly into his ear.

Not daring to refuse the Princess of Equestria he obliges. "A-a-lrighty then." Hesitantly, Big Mac licks a tiny bit of preserves off of Celestia's hoof. His tongue tingled a little as he did so and Celestia smiled, she knew that the residual magic from her coat made it extremely stimulating for other ponies to touch.

"What did you think of that?" She cooed into his ear.

"Ma'am???"Although hard to see, Big Mac's fur turned two shades darker from his blush.

"The preserves."

"OH! UHM! AhUM! Seems dandy to me!"

"Really? I don't like it." Celestia peels off towards the kitchen island returning to a curt attitude. Leaving Big Mac a little room to breathe. She sets the jar on the table and opens a nearby drawer.

"Oh-uh, you don't?" He says with amazing restraint, considering his situation.

"No Big Mac." She fiddles around in the drawer looking for a utensil, and it is an unsettling amount of noise. Big Mac tries to change the subect, by attempting to return to business matters.

"Well uh, I can talk to Granny-"

"No you see Big Macintosh..." To no avail, she presses on.

"...I can't have preserves by itself. I blame it on my royal upbringing. Need the walls to match the curtains, need the sun to match the moon, always have to have something with something. Wine with Cheese. Cookies with Milk." She levitates a knife out of the drawer and gives the jar a gentle stir with it. Turning around, she approaches the farm pony, and with the knife, spreads a small portion of preserves on Big Mac's neck. She cleans off the sticky substance, with a series of licks and sloppy kisses.

"See, you know, I can already taste the difference." She says, pretending that that wasn't the most exciting thing she had done recently.

Big Mac is reeling. He is struck nearly stupid from what just happened. "The Princess ate Preserves off my neck!!" He thinks wildly!

Celestia coyly trots back to the kitchen island and puts both front hooves on the countertop, she then daintily spreads a liberal amount of preserves on and around her plot. Big Mac watches in awe, as tiny bits of apple and jelly adorn Celestia's cutie mark, dripping down further between her legs, which he can now see is shiny from a combination of sweet sugary syrup and the natural nectar of the Princess of the Sun herself.

"See if you can taste the difference for me?"

"Eyyup."

"Where have you been?"

"Eating preserves off the Princess."

"Okay Mac, you had a bad day, you don't need to be sarcastic."

Author's Note

Fixed it up a little, but it's still a bit of a hot mess.