The Conversion Bureau: Palladion's Tales

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” the MC said, looking at the crowd. “...Mares and Gentlecolts. The Mike Comedy Club is proud to present a special guest for open mic night tonight - the one, the only... Princess Celestia!”

The crowd didn’t need to be coerced into clapping for this; this was the first ever public appearance of the Princess ever since persons unknown released her from the fabled box that had held her prisoner for so long.

In other words, it was history.

A grey earth pony wheeled a small cloth-covered cart onto the stage, parking it in front of the microphone. The pony removed the cloth with a flourish, and the crowd gasped. Sitting, immersed in a tank of slightly green fluid, was a unicorn’s head. The crown and flowing mane left no doubt as to who it was.

“Hello!” Celestia’s head spoke, startling people. “It’s great to be here in the Chicago megadome! Let’s hear it for the Equestrian head of state, huh?”

A moment passed, while people comprehended what was going on. Celestia’s decapitated head. Was doing stand-up comedy. Making head jokes. Really?

Celestia coughed. “You know,” she said, “I was backstage getting my snout powdered for this, and you know what the makeup artist said? “I thought you’d be taller”. Unbelievable, right?”

The crowd chuckled. Celestia looked down at a non-existant body.

“It’s a funny old thing, really,” she remarked. “The first time I ever do stand-up comedy, and it’s when I can’t actually stand up.”

More laughter, a little more widespread this time.

“I’ll be honest with you,” Celestia said, her head turning sideways as if she was pacing. “The last few dozen years off have really given me a chance for self-improvement. For one, I lost a lot of weight.”

The laughter spread further still.

“I even picked up perfume making,” Celestia turned the other way, “Something I’ve always wanted to try. I’m not very good at it, though, the fragrances are a little heady.”

The MC, off-stage, snorted.

“Even had a mane cut; asked for a little off the top, look what I got.” Celestia snorted, looking at her mane. “Manestylists.”

The crowd broke into fully fledged guffaws, and Celestia smiled.

“It’s not all bad, though,” she countered. “They comped me, and now I get to cut to the head of the line!”

The crowd, as one, began to laugh, and Celestia grinned; she’d achieved her goal.

“Well, that’s me for the night, folks; thanks for having me, and don’t worry - I won’t let the sudden popularity go to my head! My next show’s in Nag’s Head, Northern Carolinadome! Goodnight!”

The crowd stood as one, and began to clap as the cart was once more wheeled off the stage and down a corridor, the laughter following the Sun Princess as she went.

“Art thou happy now, Sister?” Luna asked, losing the earth pony disguise.

“Very,” Celestia grinned. “It’s been years since I got to have fun like this. What’s next on the list?”