The Pub of Chaos

I should stop drinking while I’m at work, in the end I always wake up with a hangover and asking for someone to kill me. Fortunately, today, I didn’t have to receive the delivery guy, so I was able to get up a little later.

With the rays of sunlight coming through the curtains of my room, I started to open my eyes and I got up from the bed still with a headache and the taste of cardboard in my mouth. Rubbing my eyes, I went out to the living room just to see Big Mac flicking pictures of his ex-girlfriend on the phone.

"Big Mac, what the hell are you doing man?"

"Nothin’, I just looked at the last pictures we took together." Big Mac had a sad look, you could tell he had cried not long ago.

"Look, bro, you can’t go on like this." I said as I took the phone away from him and went to the fridge to get some orange juice. "I tell you as a psychologist and as a friend, if you don’t stop watching those photos you will feel worse. It’s as if you quit smoking and you spend your time smelling tobacco smoke."

Big Mac simply looked away, head down.

"Listen, take a shower, go open the store and then come to the pub for a coffee or whatever you want, I'll invite you." It was the least I could do for him, maybe in between friends he could disconnect a little more.

After a while, I got dressed too and went to open the pub. Although I wasn’t very glad after having seen ten missed calls from Sunset Shimmer on my phone. There I found her, waiting next to the door resting on one of the windows; she looked a little bit angry.

"Where the hell have you been?!" She yelled at me, making my head boom as if I had been used to hit a gong.

"Sunset, don’t yell at me so loudly, I still have a hangover..."

"Oh sure, cause it's very nice to drink like a Cossack while we work." I didn’t have much humor for sarcasm, so I just took the keys out of my pocket and opened the door.

"Don’t be like that Sunset, you look like my mother..."

Sunset went to the private room to put on his work clothes and meanwhile I tied my apron and prepared the tables. It didn’t take much more than an hour until the customers began to arrive. The one that really caught my attention was a man dressed in a nice suit and a gold watch that shone brighter than all the lamps in the pub.

"Filthy Rich, what are you doing in my humble pub? "I asked the man.

"I’d heard about this pub in the vicinity and wanted to stop by and see what it was like. May I have a vermouth, please?"

"Ten four sir." I went for a bottle of my best vermouth, I doubt that Rich at this moment worries more about the price than the quality of the product.

Filthy Rich was, without a doubt, one of the richest men in Canterlot. He owned several businesses and other properties, and always knew how to invest his money well. The funny thing is that his wealth came mainly from the business his grandfather got with the Apple family, so yes, Filthy Rich had humble origins.

"Here it is, your vermouth, sir." I said as I served him the brew.

"Thank you very much, by the way, Bourbon, do you know what's wrong with Big Mac?" Wow, this was new, why was Filthy Rich interested?

"Uhm... and why are you interested?"

"You see, he rented me an empty place near here to open a store with products from his farm, but today when I went to see how his work was going, he was off and quieter than usual..." It seemed that Rich's concern was honest, I didn’t see why not explain it to her.

"Well, it turns out he recently found out that his girlfriend was infidel to him, and of course, Mac is pretty fucked up right now."

"Wow, I know how he feels... my ex-wife was a bitch and she cheated on me too... several times." He said as he took a sip of the vermouth. "Fortunately, I signed a separation of assets in the past, if I wouldn’t she’d have taken me even the organs." Looks like this kind of things also happened to the rich people. I began to think if it happens even more to them than the rest of the mortals.

"Wow, I'm sorry, Mr. Rich."

"Don’t be so sorry kid, my ex was a selfish snob, I think deep down she never liked the fact that my family came from a humble origin. Anyway, I just hope that Big Mac recovers; if his business doesn’t prosper, I won’t charge my rent." Wow... so not all was selfless concern. Anyway, I couldn’t blame Filthy Rich for thinking like that, after all, he was a businessman, and as such he had to watch over his interests.

"Good morning my little drunks." Discord made his entrance as usual.

"Hey Discord, don’t you have work to do, at all?" I asked, surprised to see him so many times in the pub.

"Of course I have! But in my position, I can do work anywhere I want, and the truth is that your pub is a mine to study Chaos theory." Dammit, at the end I was right, and I opened Pandora's Box without noticing it. “Oh my, Filthy Rich, long time no see."

"Hi Discord, I see you're still..." Rich didn’t seem to find the words. "As interesting as always."

"Yes, I try." replied Discord sarcastically.

After serving a coffee to Discord and Rich finished his vermouth, the latter got up, looked at his watch and said goodbye.

"I'm leaving guys, I promised Diamond Tiara that I would take her out to a restaurant today. See you next time.” I dismissed Filthy Rich while washing a glass, and when he went to open the door he ran into Big Mac. "Big Mac, my boy, I'm sorry about your ex-girlfriend, here I am if you need something."

Now, after giving him a pat on the back, Rich left, and Big Mac sat in front of the bar. Instead of coffee I decided to serve him a beer.

"Big Mac, how are you?" Asked Sunset approaching after attending to a few customers at a table.

"Well... fine I guess, it is a shitty situation... it happens that you feel a little lonely, and... eeyup, you become a little bitter... and start to think you won’t be happy again in yer fuckin’ life..." Big Mac began to mourn and Sunset decided to give him a hug.

"Come on, Mac, don’t fall apart, you’ll get over it." She said.

"Come on Big Mac, you cannot go on like this, this is affecting us all," I said. "Specially me, do you think I like to be listening to you saying 'why Sugar Belle?' Everyday?"

"Bourbon, don’t be insensitive, I'd like to see you in his situation." Sunset Shimmer told me. Oh, if only she knew...

“Hey... Discord, please help us." I said to the quirky philosopher, though to be true, something told me I was going to regret this.

"Look Mac, listen to me." Discord caught Big Mac's attention and he looked into his eyes. "Sugar Belle is banging another guy and she doesn’t love you." Fucking great... After this Big Mac broke down again to mourn while Sunset and I looked at Discord reproachfully. "What? What have I said? Maybe I’ve said something silly and Sugar Belle is not being stuffed like a turkey."

After that last comment Big Mac tried to hit Discord, but Sunset stopped him in time.

"Holly shit Discord! We’re trying to help! " I screamed in frustration.

"Well, maybe you’ve got the title in psychology, but I can’t see any progress. Look Mac, I still remember the last words my father said to me 'Son, women are like golf, when you've finished with one hole, go for the next one.' " I hated to admit it, but maybe Discord was right despite of that sexist comment.

"And you're surprised that your wife asked you for divorce?" Said Sunset going back behind the bar.

"No Sunset, I think Discord is right. Big Mac, you have to hang out and flirt with one girl." I said convinced.

"Of course," Discord said, agreeing with me. "For cases like yours, a good shooting is recommended, leg here, leg there ..." Discord opened his legs imitating a gunslinger... or something like that. "And then, bang bang! "

"Nope." Big Mac replied. "I think being alone is what I need."

"For what? To keep lamenting yourself while you're watching Sugar Belle’s photos?" At this comment Big Mac was silent.

"Look Macintosh, stop foolishness, what you have to do is go out, and get rid of all that rancor... well, and not only the rancor," said Discord smirking.

Big Mac was thinking. "Well, hangin' out a little doesn’t hurt anyone."

"That's the spirit! Your laconic way of speaking doesn’t deceive us, we know you're a funny guy. "I said to encourage Mac.

"Eeyup." He finally answered with a smile.

"Well of course! There are a lot of fillies out there who are waiting for us to ride them." Said Discord, and then he made as if he were waving a whip.

"Eeyup! Let them prepare, 'cause this lone ranger will soon be a ranger... "Big Mac raised his finger and thought about how to finish the sentence while we watched expectantly. "Ranger with filly!"

Then we started yelling like cowboys while we waved our hands pretending, we had guns or Discord pretended to ride a horse from his stool. Although Big Mac left to go back to his store, we stayed like that until Sunset stared at us with a face that said: "Seriously?"

"Did you finish?" She asked as we stopped playing fool. "Well, come on, boss, those over there in that table have asked for three pints of Guinneighs."

And back to work, sometimes I wonder who’s the boss here...

That same night I left Sunset in charge of the pub. Although she didn’t like me to run away from job, she knew I was doing it for helping Big Mac, and I think she appreciated the vote of confidence to her.

We enter in a nightclub, while dancing a little to the music.

"Seriously, I don’t know what I’m doin’ here..." Big Mac protested. "I’m not especially good at flirtin’, specially with these gals, they’re at mah sister Applebloom's age."

"Come on Big Mac, you worth a lot," I said trying to cheer him up. "Look, why don’t you try with those chicks over there?" I pointed to a couple of girls who chatted quietly. "Come on, that sure goes well."

"Eeyup."

Without further ado Big Mac approached the two girls who looked at him strangely. There goes the quiet and shy Big Mac.

"Excuse me, what time is it? Ups, I’ve already got a watch... it's 10 o'clock, thanks, bye." Big Mac withdrew, ducking his head embarrassed and came back with us.

"Well, Big Mac, to start with, it was... a start." Discord said, playing things down. "Besides, I'm sure they’re lesbians, they didn’t even stare at me."

We sat on empty sofas while our farmer friend grew increasingly nervous.

"Nope... I'm too sober to handle this, I'm out." Big Mac made a move to leave, but suddenly stopped when a waitress, quite attractive, by the way, with a nice red mane and very pretty, came to take our orders.

"Hello, what can I get you?" She asked with a sweet voice.

"For me a bourbon with cola." I looked at Discord who indicated two. "Two, or maybe three, you want one Big Mac?"

"Nope. I prefer a bottle o’ cider, please, when ya can."

"Wow, such a gentleman, in a minute handsome." The waitress withdrew leaving us surprised at the compliment she told Big Mac.

"Have you heard? She called me handsome, to me." Mac's mood had changed suddenly. "Guys, I'd give y’all a kiss, but better not, let’s not confusing the gal."

"Look at him, the one who said he didn’t flirt." Said Discord, taking Big Mac by the shoulder.

"Mac, you already have it done, now you just have to go there, be a gentleman, hold her hand softly, and in no time at all, you’ll get her cleaning your saber." I was sure that Mac got it, he must be very clumsy to fail.

"Well... don’t be rush, I don’t know if it will be that easy... but hey! She was the one who came here... even though it's because she's the waitress..." Suddenly, the shy Big Mac came back. If we wanted this to happen, we would have to throw some wood on the fire.

"Alright, Big Mac, leave it to me, I have an infallible trick, let me say to her 'I have a friend who is very bad...' and you'll see how that works for you," I said, convinced. "Trust me, tonight you sleep accompanied as my name is Bourbon Maverick."

I got up and went to the bar to see the waitress. I called your attention.

"Hello beautiful, look, I’ve got to say that my friend really likes you.” She looked at me with a half-smile. "What happens is that he is very shy and just broke up with his girlfriend..."

"Oh yeah? How cute, a friend he says... tell me, did you break up recently? "At that I was surprised, the girl was confused.

"Eh... no, I think there’s a mistake, you’ll see..." I was speechless when she touched my hand gently with hers. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I follow her game. "You can see it on my face, right? It's just... it's not easy, you feel a little lonely and... well, what am I going to tell you?"

The girl smirked at me, grabbed my hand and discreetly took me to the storage room…

About forty minutes later, we got out of there. The waitress adjusted her skirt and I went dissimulating where Discord and Big Mac were. I had a mixture of awareness and post-coital satisfaction, and I debated with myself what I was going to say to my friends.

"What took ya so long? Tell me, what did she say? Did you prepare the ground for me? "Big Mac asked.

"Well... yes, you could say that I let the field well ploughed..." I prayed that Big Mac didn't look for double meaning to that phrase. "Her name’s Melon Mint, by the way."

"Eeyup, I'll go talk to her." What?!

"Eh, no, wait! It’s not that easy Mac…" I didn’t know what to make up so that Big Mac was not with her. Fortunately, I was saved by the bell. "Hello? Sunset! Okay, don’t worry we'll go in a little while." I hung up the phone.

"Is there something wrong?" Discord asked.

"It was Sunset, it looks like she's overflowing tonight. Hey, why don’t we go back to the pub and I invite you a beer or whatever there?" Big Mac didn’t seem very pleased about that, but I had to convince him yes or yes. "Come on Big Mac, you can come here another day."

It seems that my strategy worked, since we left, and I was able to breathe easily.

During the next day I couldn’t stop thinking about last night. Mainly because of my guilty conscience. I really don’t know what happened to me, although I guess it would be due to the time I hadn’t been with a woman. On the other hand, I shouldn’t feel like that, I mean, Big Mac wasn’t dating with that girl at all... But of course, she was the girl that my friend liked, and as much as I tried to make excuses, what I did was wrong.

I was at the pub's door, leaning against one of the windows, smoking a cigarette and trying to disconnect. While I was lost in my thoughts, a high-pitched voice brought me back to the real world.

"Hi Bourbon." I turned to see who it was and smiled at seeing a blonde girl in a messenger suit and squint in her yellow eyes.

"Hello Derpy! How are you doing?"

"Well, I'm not complaining, I'm bringing you a package." She said, showing me a cardboard box. "I couldn’t find you at home, so they told me to come here."

"Derpy, I'm always in the pub at this hour." I said laughing, the truth is that she was clueless, but always looking to complete her work no matter what.

Derpy was a very peculiar girl, and not for bad. She could be as cute as Fluttershy herself, and if you needed support, she was always willing to help. In that sense I could say that he was as loyal as Rainbow Dash.

"By the way, how about Dinky? And do you know something about Turner?" Turner was Derpy's life-long boyfriend, shortly after finishing high school she got pregnant and gave birth to Dinky, a girl as adorable as her mother. Turner worked a lot of time abroad and that's why he barely stopped at home.

"Turner is fine, he's still working outside, although I don’t know when he'll be back." She said with a somewhat embarrassed expression. "And Dinky... Damn it, Dinky!" She screamed in fright, which aggravated her strabismus. "I got to go, I have to pick her up from her private classes. See you Bourbon!"

After saying goodbye with my hand, I could not help but smile sideways. She'll never change...

Returning to my cigarette and my thoughts, I thought I could relax seeing what the package contained. When suddenly, while exhaling the smoke of the tobacco, someone blew his breath in my ear making me almost jump out of fright...

"Big Mac! What the fuck?" I said coughing.

"Do ya like it?" He said, showing a spray for bad breath. "It's for Melon Mint, you know... "

"What are you talking about? Melon Mint’s breath smells great." I said without thinking. Shit…

"What?" Mac asked surprised.

“I mean...Who's Melon Mint?" I asked playing dumb.

"Bourbon, stop drinking... Melon Mint is that waitress we met yesterday. I thought about invitin' her to a drink." Big Mac said, but suddenly he began with his doubts. "But, being a waitress, drinks will come out for free to her, so she would invite me, and she might think I’m a scrounger..."

"Big Mac, don't be an idiot, besides I don’t know if that girl is for you..." I wanted to dissuade him anyhow. "Because... she works at night, and you during the day... I don’t know, maybe you would be better with a supermarket cashier, you have similar schedules and you can talk about prices and stuff..." I can’t believe that I said that bullshit.

"Hey, what's wrong with ya? You're acting very weird Bourbon... Yesterday you encourage me to try it, today you tell me to forget her." He said, looking surprised. "Wait... I know what’s goin’on..." Shit, he caught me. "You want to steal her from me. Well then, let’s see who hook her up before." Really Mac? If you only knew... anyway that allowed me to make a headlong rush.

"What? Are you implying that Bourbon, your friend, almost your brother, your comrade, wants to steal a girl from you? Please Mac... Maybe when we were kids, I stole some cider from your cellar, but a gal..." My gosh, how can I be so hypocrite? I suddenly had the need to take a shower because I felt dirty.

"Well, I don’t know, sorry, I feel a bit insecure..."

"Yeah, you apologize now... but the damage has been done. To think that I could be with that girl, in that storage room, so dark with the bottles sticking in your back..." Shut up you idiot! Remember Bourbon, excusatio non petita accusatio manifesta. Big Mac looked at me weird again... I had to act fast so he wouldn’t be suspicious. "Well, I forgive you... but I don’t forget."

To my bad luck, I looked over Big Mac's shoulder and saw Melon Mint... Okay I called her to talk, but did she have to be so timely?

"Or what the fuck? I also forget Mac. I'm not spiteful... " I hugged Big Mac so he would not see that behind him was the girl he liked. "Come on in, go into the pub, you crazy farmer." I almost pushed Mac into the pub and ran to where Melon was.

"Hi Melon, you arrived so soon." I said still in tension. "Look, I called you because what happened yesterday wasn’t good... well, it was fucking awesome, especially the second... but there can't be a third one; not because I can’t, you know I can handle three or four..." I was already digressing again. Focus on Bourbon! "I tell you this for my friend, he feels really bad, seriously..."

Melon Mint looked at me as if I had said a nonsense. "Again, with the colleague's trick?"

"No! No, it's real. This guy broke up recently with his girlfriend and he's off, he is totally ground down."

"Oh, I understand him, it’s awful..." She said biting a fingernail.

"But since the time he saw you... he's another man, he says he has butterflies in his stomach." It seemed like I was fixing it, since the girl smiled tenderly.

"Aw that’s so cute, and who's your friend you said?" She asked to me and I told her to look at the pub.

"Look, do you see through that window?" I pointed to the window, where she could see Big Mac with Discord. "That one who looks like he's desperate."

I would have stayed to watch, but suddenly I received a message from Derpy. Apparently, she had made a mistake with the package and wanted to give it back mine's. Well, I had already done my part, what could go wrong?

Meanwhile, in the pub:

"Hey Discord, is that Melon Mint talking to Bourbon? " Discord looked and nodded. "Shit. Hide me! "

Big Mac ducked behind Discord and he smiled at Melon and Bourbon while Big Mac tried to apply some breath spray, with such bad luck that he spayed it to his eye.

With a stinging eye, Big Mac got up and collided with a man who spilled some beer on his shirt.

"Great... Now I must change mah clothes..." Big Mac ran out of the pub without realizing that Melon Mint was entering.

The waitress approached slowly to Discord who was quiet drinking a beer and reading a book about nihilism.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," said Discord, returning the greeting.

"I've been talking to Bourbon and he already told me. How are those moods going?" Melon asked, to which Discord looked at her surprised, not understanding the question.

"Uh? Fine I guess... here, reading and so..." He replied simply.

Melon Mint looked to the side, it seemed that this man didn't open himself...

"Come on, don’t hide it... Bourbon has already told me about butterflies in your stomach."

"No, no... when I was a child, I had pinworms in the ass, but butterflies..." Melon looked disgusted at that comment. "Oh! You talk about falling in love." Discord said understanding the misunderstanding. "No, that’s a friend of mine."

"My, my, another shy guy, how cute." Melon's tone of voice switched to a more seductive one while showing her bare shoulder. "But don’t be shy, you can talk to me if you want..."

Melon Mint placed her hand gently on Discord’s, and he looked her in the eyes, changing his expression to a more mischievous one.

"Okay, okay you got me," he said smiling mischievously. "You've noticed the shine in my eyes, right?"

After several minutes in the toilet, Melon Mint came out first adjusting her skirt and then Discord tucking her shirt inside her pants. Melon Mint smiled at Discord and left the pub. The chaotic philosopher took the opportunity to make the sign of victory with both hands and then put on his jacket.

Once in his place, he smiled satisfied and gave a drink to his beer.

Big Mac came back while Discord was drinking, he wore a clean new shirt and was visibly excited.

"Tell me, where's mah nymph?" Big Mac asked excitedly. "Don’t tell me, I'm sure she's in the toilet making up for me."

The look that Discord gave to Big Mac was... difficult to decipher.

"Hold on a sec..." Said Big Mac closing his eyes and placing a pair of fingers on his temple. "Discord, tell me you didn’t…"

Discord made a nervous smile while Big Mac looked at him angrily. "Well... I didn’t want to, but you know how I am..."

"Eeyup... I knew it. You always thinkin’ bout yourself. I'm sure you made one of yours and she left because she couldn’t stand you."

"Eh? hey, no... I did everything I could, but she insisted on coming, I mean go... twice." Discord almost screwed it up, but Big Mac apparently did not notice.

"Sorry Discord... with everything y’all are doing for me," Big Mac said putting a hand on the philosopher's shoulder. "Who knows what would have happened if I had just approached her the first day... To think that mah friends were going to fuck me." Big Mac embraced Discord and he corresponded, though making a worried frown that Big Mac could not see.

Poor Derpy, she's a good girl, but very clueless. My package turned out to be a bottle of mezcal sent to me by a friend who was in Mexicolt. When I arrived at the pub, I was so excited that I didn’t even notice that Sunset was asking me where I had been.

There was no sign of either Big Mac nor Discord, and the few remaining customers were leaving. I gave Sunset permission to go to her home, so I stayed alone in the pub. I thought about putting the 'CLOSED' sign and enjoying a couple of shots in solitude, but at that moment Berry Punch came through the door.

"Sorry Bourbon, I didn’t know you were closed." He said not seeing anyone inside.

"No, wait Berry, come in." She came in and sat across from me on a stool. "How was your day?"

"Stressed... at least I left the girls with my sister. Do you have some strong stuff?" Berry looked certainly pissed off; She had bags in her eyes, her hair was a little uncared, and she had an expression of not having a good rest in days.

"Look, a friend who's in Mexicolt sent me this bottle of mezcal, do you want some?" I asked as I showed her the bottle with the worm lying in the bottom.

"Oh no, it’s a present for you, it doesn’t seem right." She said.

"Bullshit, why do I need a strong drink if I can’t share it with my friends?" Berry smiled at that gesture and I went for two shot glasses.

Berry and I toasted and drank mezcal and beer while laughing at our problems. I don’t know if it was the side effects of the mezcal, but I told Berry to wait a second and went to the private room where I got a guitar.

After tune it and take another shot of mezcal I started to play an old well-known and popular song from Mexicolt. Even Berry knew it since while I was playing, she raised her beer and sang with me...

Ay, ay, ay, ay
Canta y no llores
Porque cantando se alegran
Cielito lindo, los corazones

After a long time drinking and singing, I even played some traditional songs from my dear Lyreland, maybe was the alcohol, but I felt some homesick. Berry decided that she had to go home. She was drunk as hell, and so do I...

"Bourbon, you're great, 'hic', see you soon." Berry kissed me on the cheek, and I opened the door for her.

When she left, I locked the pub and still with the guitar in my hand I lay down on one of the sofas and played some chords while finishing my beer. It didn’t take me that long to fall asleep in the sofa.

The sun's rays came through the windows, why would I forget to close the curtains? It didn’t matter much either, since a scream almost knocked me to the ground...

"Cock a doodle do!" I yelled and fall into the floor. Boy that hurt… When I opened my eyes, I could see Sunset Shimmer looking at me with a disappointed face. "What in hell are you doing Bourbon?"

"What am I doing? What are YOU doing in my room?" I asked indignantly, and she simply opened her eyes in surprise.

"Your room... and can you explain me since when there are beer taps in your room?" Still rubbing my head, I got up as best I could, feeling a big pang in my back; yup, I was at the pub.

"Ups... but what am I doing here?"

"I should like to hear that, what are you doing here, with a guitar by your side and surrounded by beer bottles and one of... mezcal?" Now I was beginning to remember. The bottle of mezcal, the binge with Berry Punch and me falling asleep on the couch...

"Okay, let's say yesterday Berryshine and I got a little bit out of hand..."

"Hey... look Bourbon, I don’t want to know what you were doing drinking with Berry at that time of night. Weird boss I have... drunk in his own business when it's closed." Sunset complained as she touched my shoulder.

"Are you complaining about me as boss...?" I said rubbing my eyes, to which Sunset bit her lip smiling while shaking her head.

“Of course not.” Said Sunset laughing. “Besides I think is very funny when you play guitar and sing drunk.”

Wait a minute, did I tell Sunset about me playing guitar and singing? I preferred not to think about it so while Sunset went to the private room, I went to the toilet to wash my face with cold water. What an awful face I had, and speaking of water, once I got behind the bar, I grabbed a bottle and I almost drank it in one gulp, I looked like a camel.

That same morning, after my third coffee, Discord appeared. Not so long after came Big Mac.

"Hey Bourbon, where were you last night?" My roomie asked.

"Better not ask, I have a strong hangover..."

"That explains why you seem so sick today." Discord said.

"Well today is the night, let Melon Mint be prepared, because today I won’t stop movin’ mah hips. And not exactly dancing." Said Big Mac decided.

"Wait, nothing happened last night?" I asked, to which Big Mac looked at me, denying it with a grimace. I left the bar to face Big Macintosh. "I mean, I leave everything ready for you to succeed, and nothing?" I already started to get frustrated.

"No, Bourbon, last night the girl left... even though I was... using my tongue to entertain her." Something in Discord's tone was suspicious to me, but I didn't feel well enough to think about it. "But in the end, there was no way."

"Well, what is clear is that I’m not the only one who is goin' to rebuild his life." Said Big Mac. "Nope, Ah'm going to speak with Melon, and I’ll stand in front of her like a real man... do y’all come with me?" He said the latter in a more submissive tone.

"I’m not going to be able to... because an unforeseen event has arisen." Discord said rambling.

"What happened?" Mac asked.

“I don’t know Mac, that's why it's an unforeseen, if I knew I would have told you 'a foreseen'. Let Bourbon go better, she is a waitress and he has a pub so... you know, if she was a philosopher I would go you." Discord was trying to pass me the hot potato; or, rather, the hot apple.

"No, no, better go with Discord; since you're not going to seem talkative, at least you won’t look weirder." I said.

"No, Big Mac for a while is fine, but too much time he gets very tiresome." Discord said pushing Mac against me.

"Hell no, with the hangover that I have I’m like to go partying with this one. You go, Discord." I said pushing Big Mac against him.

"No, I'm not going anywhere with the monosyllabic Apple!" He shouted, pushing back Big Mac.

"Well, let him go alone, he's already a grown up." I said, tired of such nonsense.

"GUYS! Awright, I got it." Mac yelled, smoothing his shirt and being stunned by the circus we had set up in less than five minutes. "Eeyup, I'm a burdensome man who does nothing but ask for and ask for. The only thing left is to ask y’all to sleep with her for me."

At that moment I tried to hide the laughter for the guilt that still gnawed at me, luckily my headache distracted me. Seriously, I had never been so happy about having a hangover.

"If y’all need me, I'll be in mah store... cleaning the dust out off the cider bottles." Big Mac said, leaving depressed. What a crap...

"Mac, wait." I said, drawing his attention. "C’mon man, we were just kidding. Of course, we accompany you, for a friend anything, strange as it may seem; even things that you would say 'what a nasty trick he did to me', all those things, come from the heart, "I said, hitting my chest. "Remember that in the future." I was trying to save my ass, but really, I only wanted the earth to swallow me.

"Thanks pals, thanks!" Said Big Mac hugging us. "Hey, let's see if y’all guys also flirt with some chicks, I can see it's been a while since y’all... you know." Big Mac was laughing and while he was leaving Discord and I shared a nervous laugh.

“You have no idea…” Said Discord.

Discord and I looked at each other and our expression changed from uncomfortable laughter to frustration. Of course, I still didn’t understand Discord's attitude. But hey, I didn’t care either, I’d got costumers to attend.

That same night we went back to the nightclub. Big Macintosh was visibly happy and motivated. When he saw Melon Mint, he greeted her effusively as Discord and I greeted her in low spirits too. She returned the greeting, but Big Mac clearly misundertood everything.

"Have y’all seen her? i’m quite sure it’s not mah imagination." Said the oldest of the Apples very happy. "Eeyup, let’s go..."

"Wait, wait, Big Mac." Discord said stopping him. "Have a drink before, you sober aren’t much of a talker and maybe she thinks you are a creeper.”

"But what's wrong with y’all? Wait a minute... I know what's goin’ on here." Said Mac chuckling. "You are jealous..." Discord and I looked at each other strangely. "Sure, as the quiet one gets the gal and you don’t, now y’all are green with envy."

Without realizing it, Big Mac had opened our way of escape from there.

"Well yes," I said, feigning outrage and putting a hand on my forehead. "It pisses me off... so much that I feel like crying." Keep it that way, keep it that way... "I'm leaving... and if you are my friends, you'll accompany me, specially you Big Macintosh."

I made a move to leave, but Mac stopped me.

"Wait Bourbon, buddy, we're a team; if one of us triumphs, we all triumph." He said putting both hands on my cheeks. To take for granted the flight plan. Besides, that was a pretty lame excuse. "C’mon, here we go..."

I had to stop him no matter what...

"Wait, Big Mac, you cannot go like this..." Think Bourbon, think... "Uh, look at the stain you got here." I pointed to a random part of his shirt and Discord joined in to watch.

"What stain?"

"What stain he says... as if you can’t see it." I took advantage as Big Mac looked away to pick up an almost empty glass and spill what was left on top of Big Mac.

"Bourbon! What are you doing man? Are you an imbecile?" He said pissed looking at his shirt. "I'm going to dry mah shirt..."

Big Mac retired to the bathroom leaving me alone with Discord.

"Holy shit... he's being a real burden with this girl. You know, I'm not saying she’s not hot, of course she is... but I don’t know why, I think this gal is not clean wheat." I said.

"Yes, I think the same..." Discord replied, wagging his index finger very quickly. "When I saw her, I said: 'this girl is not clean wheat', it's obvious that she’s not meant for Big Macintosh." Said Discord, very convinced. "But hey, I'm not saying she's meant for me." Discord put his hands to his chest as if he wanted to exculpate himself.

"No, no, nor for me either, to be clear..." I said gesturing with my hand. "What I’m trying to say is that these things in the end…”

"Yes, you’re right. You have taken it from my mouth, it is best not to talk to her. "

"That’s it, if you're not going to talk to her, me neither." Discord looked at me strangely. "Oh, you were talking about Big Mac... no, Big Mac neither."

In five minutes, Big Mac returned, and Discord talked to him.

"Hey Big Mac, you see, we've talked to the waitress, and..." Discord and I cocked our heads. "It seems to me that you will only get a beer from her."

"What the…? What happened? "He asked confused.

"Well you know..." I said. "The girl is kinda maniac; you know, she put lemon before the ice, she doesn’t like hicks... I don’t know..." Truth is, I didn’t know how much excuses to made.

"But... Eeyup... what a fool I’ve been. Let's go now, I hope she doesn’t hate men who cry too." Victory! We were about to leave when suddenly... "Wait! Then why did she greet me so effusively?" Mac thought. This is bad… "And why did she come to see me in the neighborhood yesterday?" Big Mac went from sad to perceptive, almost like a detective looking for clues. "That’s it, I know what's goin' on... she’s the typical hot-breaker... I know what to do." Wait what is he going to do?

Big Macintosh went like a brave bull to the bar where Melon was working. We tried to dissuade him, but it was in vain...

"Hey, you, don’t ya have anythin’ to tell me?" He asked angrily.

"Ups sorry." Melon Mint said innocently. "What can I get you?"

"And now she plays fool..." Big Mac said laughing mischievously. "Look, purdy, stop playin' dumb because mah friends have already told me everything..."

Melon Mint put her hand on her head and made a worried expression. I saw Discord making the gesture of drinking as if to indicate that Mac was drunk, and I just clapped...

"Very well Mac, you've already made things clear, now let's go..." I tried to take him away, but Big Mac got out.

"Nope... listen gal, you can’t treat people like that, you can’t give them false hopes and then leavin' them broken."

"Hey, we're all grownups, and I didn’t promise anything to your friends either, they were doing their thing." Melon Mint said, it was clear that she wasn't going to withstand Big Mac's attacks for long.

"And now, she blames mah friends..." Discord and I wanted the earth to swallow us. "Look, they have done this for me..."

"For you?" Asked Melon, surprised. "But what a bunch of sick people are you? All going for the same..." She hadn't time to finish the sentence as Discord interrupted her.

"Shut up, shut up! I don't want to hear another word!" Discord said in outrage as Melon gestured to Mac to get away and he gestured for him to shut up. "Let's go Mac, let's get out here before descend into the easy insults."

"Eeyup... just one more thing." Big Mac turned to Melon. "You’re a bitch..."

"And you’re an asshole!" She retorted. "What did you think? Just because I banged your friends you were going to be next? Well, here I only make happy hour with the drinks. Douchebag." Then she threw liquid in his face while Discord and I slipped away... But it did not work.

"Hold on a second!" He stopped us in the middle of the dance floor. "What the fuck have y’all done?"

"Eh... you'll see ..." I could not take it anymore, I had to confess. "I'm sorry, Big Mac, I swear I didn’t want to bang her..." I said, clasping my hands and closing my eyes.

"Wait, did you banged her too?" Discord asked suddenly, to which I opened my eyes in surprise.

"You banged her?" I asked surprised.

"Y'ALL HAVE BANGED HER?!" Mac yelled putting peace between us.

"Well, Big Mac, if you put it in that way anyone would think 'such bastards', but we did it with our best intention..." Discord said.

"So I’ve got to thank y’all right?" Big Mac said sarcastically. " This is perfect... fuckin' great. I mean, I'm in one of the worst moments of mah life and mah friends just think about fuck me... well, me and her." He said pointing to Melon Mint.

"Mac, don’t get so mad because you haven’t lost that much." I said trying to belittle the matter. "Alright, the girl has a nice ass, but in sex she’s like B or B+... and you need an A+ to compensate with Sugar Belle."

"Go fuck yerself Bourbon..." Big Mac said and just left.

"Holy shit he got mad... but hey, if he doesn’t play his part it’s not strange that he’s alone." Discord said. I hated to admit it, but deep down he was right.

I just sighed. “Well, let's get out of here before he decides to burn my mattress in revenge."

My gosh... first time in a while that I get laid with a girl and look what a mess.