Author's Note

Hey guys! I'm back with another chapter! Thank you all so much for your comments! They really helped me out. I did change the icon for the story and I think she turned out well. So I hope you all enjoy that.

This chapter was easy to write but very emotional for me. So, You know, be gentle. I think that out of the entire fic this chapter would be the one that hurts the most. It's just so... searing. I don't know how else to describe it. But it was easy to write. So I'm thankful for that.

Warning: There is sex and death in this chapter.

Enjoy!

Entry Two: Angel Heart

In those first few months after he first slapped me, Ash seemed to make a genuine effort to change. He never laid a hoof on me without my permission, and he was a perfect gentleman most of the time. It seemed that that singular night was a fluke. A one-time instance of out of control anger. I felt that my forgiveness was justified, and rightly so. Everything was going my way.

Until it happened again.

That time it was over me going out with a friend for the evening, and him being fearful for my safety. At least, that’s what he said. Looking back on it now I can see that he was actually jealous I was spending time with somepony other than him. He apologized, and was lovey-dovey to me like before, and I wanted to believe him, so I did. I think that at the time I thought that if I just loved him better, showed him compassion, and extended my forgiveness, that he would do the same for me. But a stallion like that, he can’t be satisfied with ending abuse. No, he has to continue on, because that feeling of power that it gives him was oh so important to him. And the cycles between the abuse got shorter.

That wasn’t to say it was bad all of the time. Most of the time he was very attentive to me. He was smart, compassionate, loving. All the things a stallion should be. Unfortunately for me, that didn’t last forever. In between the bad times, though, there were good ones. Dates at the park, events at the castle, and just general enjoyment of each other’s company.

We didn’t make love for the first time until a few weeks after that second incident. We had just had dinner, and there was music playing through the house. He gave me that look, the one with a mischievous gleam in his eye, and took me upstairs. When we made it to the bedroom, he kissed me so fiercely that I fell over onto the bed. I laid down, and so did he, and when he took me into his arms that night we just seemed to fit together, like puzzle pieces that were shaped exactly to one another. He kissed me, he touched me, he awakened me more than any pony ever had. And when he entered me with the pent up desires of months worth of longing, it was glorious. He made me feel so alive, and as my passion rose and climaxed with his, it seemed that this couldn’t be any better. That night was the first time he ever said that he loved me, and I believed him.

After that we made love quite often. Enough so that I’m not exactly sure when the incident that caused this next event to happen, happened. I had gone to the doctor’s office for a check up, just to make sure everything was going as it should. The doctor took a urine sample from me, and ran some tests with his magic. He lit his horn and I watched it change color, first to green, then to blue. He stared at it for such a long time that I worried that something was wrong, that I had some sort of incurable disease or something of the like. But before I could vocalize this, he turned to me with a smile.

“Congratulations Miss Sparkle, you’re pregnant.” He said.

My jaw dropped, so much so that I thought it would hit the floor with a loud and resounding thump. I scrambled to make sense of his words.

“I’m what?” Was all that would come out.

“Pregnant.” He repeated. “Around a month or so along.”

I laughed, not nervously, but in disbelief. “You’re joking, right? You’re joking.”

The way he looked at me after I said that made it very clear that he wasn’t, and I sat there, stunned as he went through the precautions I would have to take, the doctors I would have to see, the vitamins I would need to buy. He congratulated me one more time before he left.

I didn’t go home right after that. I probably should have, but I needed time to think. I ended up in the park, by a playground that several foals were playing on. I watched them idly as I was wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings.

I had always wanted to have a foal of my own. Maybe more than one. But I hadn’t counted on it happening right then. I felt that I barely had my life together. How in Equestria could I support somepony else? I feared for that foal, and I worried for myself. How on earth was I going to do this? And how would I tell Ash? And what would he do? But as I watched those foals play, and a few interact with their parents, a smile started to grow on my face. Sure, my fears were completely justified, but this was also one of my biggest dreams coming true, and I made a conscious decision to live every moment for all it was worth.

I went home that day and got dressed in a special outfit, and started making dinner for Ash when he got home from work.

"How was your day?" I asked him.

"Long and exhausting."

"Doesn't that make it like every other day?"

"It was that way even more so today than usual."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You already made it better by doing this."

"I'm glad I could help."

There was a beat of quiet. "Speaking of doing this, what exactly is this for?"

"Can't I make dinner for you without getting the third degree?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't know, can you?" I blushed, and it gave me away. He reached across the table to take my hoof. "What aren't you telling me, darling?"

I smiled. "Am I that obvious?"

"Not to most, but you are to me."

I smiled and looked away from his gaze. "I don't know how to say this..."

"Take your time." His encouragement made me slightly less nervous.

"I'm pregnant.”

I tried to decipher the emotions on his face. There was shock and fear, confusion and acceptance. There were a dozen other little emotions there, but they went by so fast that I couldn’t name them. For a moment I didn’t know what he’d do.

And then he got up and kissed me, and I knew he was okay with it.

That day, he swore to me to be a better man, and for a long time, he was. He went with me to doctor’s appointments. He made sure I ate right. He helped me put together a nursery in one room of the house. He was attentive, compassionate, and caring. But an abuser that vicious is like a ticking time bomb. It was just a matter of time before all of that pent up rage had to be released, and I was his favorite target.

I had been upstairs that day, reading a book. He had come into the bedroom. He looked at me hungrily, but I wasn’t in the mood. I felt ugly, fat, tired. Nothing a woman who wants to make love should feel.

“Come on, baby.” He purred. “Let’s have a little fun.”

“I just don’t feel like it right now. I’m sorry.” I said.

He frowned. “Come on. How long has it been? I just want a little fun.” He reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. I batted his hoof away with my own.

“No.” I said, and started to try and head downstairs to get some water.

I reached the top of the stairs and was about to go down when he loomed over me. “Nopony turns me down.” It was a guttural growl. I backed up the tiniest bit, and lost my balance. I reached out my hoof to him, but he batted it away, and I fell. I tumbled down the stairs, and landed in a heap at the bottom. I couldn’t see his face, but I heard an odd sort of choking noise that must have come from Ash. I assumed he’d realized his mistake and was coming to help me. I was only half right. He realized his mistake, but instead of helping me he bolted out the door. And that was the last time I’d seen him.

I didn’t have time to dwell on it as a sharp pain shot through my stomach, and a gushing feeling came out of me. I knew what it was. My water had broken. I was giving birth. I laid there on the floor for what seemed like forever, contractions ripping my body apart, Making me wish I had never been born. But eventually, the pain ended. I looked down between my legs to see a white coated foal. It was smaller, but I was only seven months along at the time. I looked to see what gender it was. It was a girl. I held that foal for a long time. I wept over her small frame, and I belatedly gave her a name: Angel Heart. She was so perfect, so precious, and it woke my maternal instincts. But I would not use them. Because she was dead. I crawled over to the counter to help myself up, still cradling my baby. And I realized that unfortunately, I could not hold her forever. So I went to the backyard and started digging. When the hole was dug, I made a box, a beautiful and ornate box, and put her inside. I buried her there, since this house was my family inheritance and wasn’t going to be out of my care anytime soon. I wanted her nearby, so I could talk with her. Grow with her. Be with her.

I bowed my head and spoke to the dirt plot. “Mommy loves you, Angel Heart. Always. And I will make you proud someday.”