Equestria was... weird.

It wasn’t weird in the traditional sense, like everything was new, strange and fantastic—though it was also those things too, granted. But you’d read enough fantasy on earth that, within a week, you were mostly used to that part. No, Equestria was weird in a kind of ‘just off by a bit’ sort of way, like a tilted painting, where you were sure it was askew but something felt off no matter how many times you adjusted it. Ponies held nearly the same values, family structures, and cultural norms from your world, or at least a near enough approximation. They had the same tools, goods, services, and amenities you’d expect from a friendly rural town. In nearly all respects, ponies were just like humans.

Except when they weren’t.

And it was in those moments where you felt like the painting wasn’t so much askew as much as it was oozing purple slime and nobody seemed to notice but you.

The marketplace felt abuzz with life this morning, ponies hawking their goods, yelling over one another as the throngs of patrons meandered the dirt path. But above the murmur of the crowd, the sound of moaning and wet slaps carried over to you. It had taken only a moment to spot them.

“Th-That’ll be fif, nnngh, four b-BITS, fuuh. Ooh, thank you Pokey~. H-Have a nice day, Skies!”

Pokey Pierce thrust away into Carrot Top, bending the mare over her own stall and shaking the wood frame with each thrust. The customer, a blue-ish stallion with a short cut mane, nodded his thanks to Carrot Top and took his bag of vegetables. Another mare, Amethyst, came up a moment after.

“What can I get ynnnnnnn...” Carrot Top did her best to say something but it came out as a gurgled groan. Moments later, her eyes rolled back and she came. Mare juice splattered across the ground and her legs shook then gave out. Pokey slowed, drawing out his movements as Carrot Top rode out her orgasm, the mare mewling and squirming under him.

“I'll just leave the bits here, Carrot Top,” Amethyst said with a smile, dropping a few gold coins and moving a bag of assorted veggies to her saddlebags. Carrot Top groaned in return, lazily pushing her hips back as Pokey extracted himself. “Harvest Season?” Amethyst asked.

“Harvest Season,” Pokey said with a nod. “Been a week since she was in town. Not much relief to be had miles away from anypony.”

Amethyst winced. “Ooh, poor girl. Very polite of you to tend to her, Pokey.”

“Oh um. Speaking of tending to…” He gestured down to his cock, still hard and glistening with Carrot Top’s marecum.

“Oh, no problem. Can’t have you walking around like that. I’ll get you all cleaned up.” Amethyst leaned down and opened her mouth. “You want to cum inside or outside?”

“Outside sounds nice, today. Been a while since I gave somepony a facial.”

“Okay sure thing. Just say when and I’ll step back and keep my mouth closed.”

You sighed and stopped licking your ice cream cone. Dammit, now you had a hardon. Like you said, Equestria was weird. This marked the third time today you saw someone having sex in the open, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. After a month in Equestria, you’d more or less gotten used to it, but that didn’t mean it felt normal. On the contrary, the more you were exposed to casual sex, the more surreal and off-putting it began to feel.

It was odd… Before coming here, you would have thought it was the hottest thing in the world. But something about it didn’t click in your mind. These ponies were innocent and kind creatures. None of them saw what they did as obscene or indecent. But you did. So when they’d ask if you wanted a blowjob or if you could screw them you found you just… couldn’t. To them, it was just a friendly favor. To you, it was taking advantage of the ignorance of a friend. You just couldn’t do it.

“Non?”

You turned to your best friend and partner in crime, Pinkie. The two of you decided to spend your Sunday together, and Pinkie insisted on getting a sundae to celebrate. Her dish was empty and there was a smattering of vanilla ice cream across her muzzle. She tilted her head at you.

“Something wrong? You not like vanilla anymore? Sometimes when I eat ice cream it’s really good at first but then suddenly there’s this one lick and I realize I don’t like that flavor as much anymore so I have to swap over to another one for a while but then I can go back and it’s delicious again. I can get you another if you like. My treat!”

You reached over and ruffled her mane. “Nah it’s not that. I’m just—”

Pokey let out a loud groan and ropes of sticky cum blasted onto Amethysts face.

“—distracted.”

Pinkie quirked an eyebrow at you, then turned to where you were looking. Her eyes slid right over the cum drunk Carrot Top and the cream coated Amethyst. “Why? What’s going on? Is there a sale or something?” she said, climbing into your lap to get a better perspective.

“No, Pinkie don’t—”

Before you could push her off, her plot squished down on your erection. She flinched, then lifted a hind leg and looked down at the obvious tent in your pants. “Oh, no wonder you’re distracted! Gosh Nonny, just say something next time. I’ll take care of it.”

Pinkie hopped off the bench then turned, mouth open, eyes closed, and tongue hanging out like a kid waiting for a tongue compressor. Her mouth glistened with saliva as she took gentle breaths, the warm air hitting your crotch in little puffs. Your cock twitched. A part of you wanted nothing more than to slide your shaft right down her throat and push her muzzle down to the base. She’d be happy to take you too. But... this was Pinkie Pie you were talking about. Not more than a few seconds ago, you’d been talking about ice cream and making dumb jokes. Now she sat in the middle of the market square, waiting for you to shove your cock in her mouth. It was hot… really hot. But you couldn’t do that to her. She wasn’t some sex object. She was your best friend...

Pinkie peeked an eye at you. “Ayon? Yoo ohay?”

“Yeah, Pinks. I… just don’t think we should do this, alright?” you said, forcing a smile and giving her snout a little boop. “I’ll be fine. You don’t have to do anything.”

Pinkie opened her eyes and stared at your hand, then to your crotch. “But…” She slumped and let out a sigh. “Anon?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you… not like me very much?”

You flinched. Dammit… You were worried about this. It was only a matter of time before she started to get worried. You see, this wasn’t the first time Pinkie offered to have sex with you. Hell, it wasn’t even the first time a MARE offered to have sex with you. When you first got here, and after ponies had gotten used to you, they were curious. Mares wanted to know what your penis looked like and to see what “flavor” it was, as they called it. You’d always give an excuse like you were too busy or you just came and couldn’t for a while. And ponies accepted that usually. Even Pinkie.

But Pinkie was also especially considerate of everyone’s needs. Double when it came to sex. She would offer herself the moment she thought you looked sad or had a little too much tension. The mare had offered every orifice at this point, and you shot her down each time. It didn’t take a genius to start suspecting something.

“No, Pinkie, listen. I like you a lot. You’re like my best friend. It’s not—”

“I mean because it’s super duper okay! If I’m not your type, I’ll just find you another mare that fits your preferences better. There’s a lot of mares, and I know I can find one for you. Ooh! how about Ms. Cake?”

“No, Pank it’s—”

“She’s got a really big butt. You like big butts, right Anon? I mean, I could eat a bit more and get a big butt too if that’d help.”

“It’s not that. I just—”

“O-Or maybe you’d go for a lithe, younger mare. Lily is really good with her mouth. You could ask her and I’m sure she could help you. I’m also really good with my mouth though and I’m right here offering though so maybe just—”

You grabbed Pinkies snout and forced it shut. “Pinks, you’re doing that thing again.”

”Mmmfmfmmf mfm mfmf mf...”

You released her snout. “What?”

“I said I just wanna help, and everytime I offer, you look at me weird!” She licked her lips and looked away. “Did I do something or…? Am I just not attractive to you?”

“Pinkie Pie, no. You’re just… you’re my best friend.”

“That’s why I’m worried! Why don’t you ever let me help you? Or why not any of the girls? I keep seeing you get hard and you don’t even ask. We’ve all been dying to, Anon. Is there some other mare you keep saving it for instead? Can you please share? You’ve been here forever and I’ve never even tasted your cum!”

You could feel the blood rushing to your face. “Pinkie, don’t just say that out loud.”

She quirked her head to the side. “Say what? See, I did something weird again! Is it that I mentioned you’ve been here forever? Are you getting homesick again? I could throw you a welcome party. Just the girls of course. I know you don’t like crowds so it’ll be like a party with only close friends, just the way you like.”

You gave her a stern look. “Pinkie…”

“Shutting up,” she said in a singsong voice, gesturing as if to zip her mouth shut.

“Pinkie, I think we need to talk. Someplace private.”

--

You feel squiggly right now. That was the best way you could put it. Squirmy yet giggly.

You were in Anon’s house, a cup of coffee in hoof with a big dollop of whipped cream, sprinkles, powdered sugar, and caramel drizzle on top, just how you liked it. Decaf of course. Anon didn’t let you have caffeine anymore.

You took a sip, smacking your lips as you enjoyed the sweet taste. It could use more sugar still, but Anon went out of his way to make it as close as he could. And he was one of your bestest friends so you always drank the whole thing just to see him smile and say ‘boy you sure do love your coffee.’ You don’t of course. You’re a milkshake kinda gal, but Anon made it, so yeah it was special to you. You loved when he made you things so that was similar to liking coffee in a way.

You still remember when he first came here. Anon was lost… scared… distant. Like every new pony, you did everything to brighten his day and let him know he was welcome. Most ponies took those warm, welcome feelies and made a bunch of new friends, and sometimes that meant you didn’t see them except around town and they’d wave or say hi. Most often they’d come over and ask you to suck their cocks. And that was fine. You took pride in giving great blowjobs. And it felt really good helping ponies, even if they mostly moved on.

But Anon was different. He made friends with other ponies after he adjusted, but he always came back to you. He’d do more than wave and say hi, though not in the relief kind of way. Anon would ask what you were up to, and want to know about your day. He’d laugh at your jokes and go with you when you felt like doing something silly somewhere. It’d been so long since you made an extra-special friend, that you didn’t even recognize it at first. Not until he was out of town for a few days and you fell down in the dumpers. When Anon wasn’t around, it felt like something was missing.

Anon liked you for you. And that felt good in a tingly kind of way. Everypony was your friend, and you had five amazing super friends. But you liked to think of Anon as an extra-special super friend. You don’t know why. It just felt right.

But that’s why it hurt when he’d pass on your help. It’d been a while since he was in Equestria, and he’d get a lot of stiffies, but not once had he let you suck his cock. You’ve been wondering what he tasted like for so long. It’s started affecting you. You’d get drippy thinking about his exotic alien humanhood, whatever it looked like, plunging deep into your throat, making you gag as he held the back of your head. He was so much bigger than you… he could probably facefuck you till he was satisfied. You wouldn’t be able to do a single thing about it… he’d just use you and dump his load down your throat… You squeezed your thighs together and shook your head. C’mon, Pinks, don’t start that now or you’ll need some relief yourself.

The point was, he never once let you help, and that hurt. Everypony loved your blowjobs. Heck you’ve won the blowjob queen contest for three straight years in a row, as well as placed for best ass in Ponyville last two times. Even sucked off 100 dicks one time. You took pride in being a good cocksucker. That was part of being a good friend.

But Anon was different. You just had no idea how different. Until he told you today, that is.

“So… humans don’t fuck at all? Then what’s your penis for?”

He shook his head. “No no, we have sex. What I said was, we don’t do it… casually.”

You stared at him. “What do you mean casually? Like do you learn their names first? We know each other's names so we should be good to go. Or… or does every human have to dress up? Is that why you’re always wearing clothes? I have my old gala dress I could put on.”

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I’m sorry, Anon. I’m trying really hard to understand.”

”I know you are, Pinkie. I’m not explaining it well. We just… besides a few exceptions, humans only mate with one other partner. Intimacy is really serious and you only share that with the person you marry.”

“But…” you said, then slumped back in your chair.

That sounds horrible. Like really horrible. You can’t imagine what it’s like back in Anon’s world. Nobody can be nice to one another? You get to pick one person who’s allowed to be nice to you and that’s it? And you don’t get relief if you need it? Everyone ignores you? That’s… that’s just awful. You slumped in your chair, mind reeling at the thought.

“Does this mean that…” you swallowed, sparing a quick glance at Anon. “That you don’t want me to be nice to you anymore? Are we not supposed to be friends unless we get married?”

He laughed, snorting a bit of coffee out of his nose. “No. Not at all Pinkie,” he said, reaching across the table and tussling your mane.

You giggled. You loved it when he did that.

“It just means I’m going to need some time to adjust is all. I’m just not comfortable with it right now. Casual sex just isn’t something from my world, or at least it doesn’t work the way it does here. At best we have to buy a bunch of drinks first and then MAYBE you can get someone to sleep with you.”

You grimaced. All that for a sleepover? Jeez louise. Humans are weird. Still, you’d love to have a sleepover with Anon. You make a mental note to buy a bunch of apple juice to give him later.

“So what happens if you need some relief and you’re not with your somepony? Like what if you’re at work or they’re busy?”

“Nothing. You just ignore it till later.”

You scrunched. “Oh okay… that doesn’t sound very fun.”

Or possible. It’d be so embarrassing to be walking around, winking all over the place, unable to think straight. Super messy too. Nopony could work like that, except maybe Chastity’s Sisters.

“What if you don’t have a special somepony?”

He shrugged. “Well, you just take care of it on your own I guess.”

Your ears perked up at that. That didn’t sound good. I mean, if you didn’t know any better, that sounded like the M word. You frowned, staring into your drink. He wouldn’t do that… would he? I mean he’s obviously been dumping his cum in SOMEPONY, right?

...right?

“Non?” you said. “When you say you take care of it on your own, you don’t mean you mas—”

A bright, tingly feeling surged in your flanks and you jerked in your seat. Your cutie marks pulsed, giving off a shimmering sound each time.

“Now? Awwwww, fluff. Sorry Nonny, we got a friendship problem.”

He stood up, finishing off his coffee and setting it down by the sink. “It’s okay Pinkie. We can catch up when you’re done. Where you headed this time?”

“I won’t know till I get to Twileys,” you said, heading to the door already. “I’ll get you a souvenir though! I promise! Oh and, Non?”

”Yeah?”

“I know you said you’re not ready, but when you are, can you come get me? My blowjobs are super good and I want to show you what I can do.”

He laughed. “Sure Pank. You can be my first blowjob.”

“YES! Okayseeyalaterbye!”

Author's Note

Patch Notes
- Added some cutie mark headers to aid in perspective clarity. I tend to prefer using the writing itself to do that, but readers mentioned it wasn't clear every time. This should help eliminate confusion.