The Human Pet

The bullet froze in mid-air. The town disappeared in a flash, leaving Eris standing in the open desert, her mouth agape.

"Eris!"

Eris whirled around and saw Twilight, Fluttershy and Discord standing behind her on the opposite dune. Discord's arm was still held up - he'd snapped his claws to stop Eris from killing the sheriff. Eris snarled and took aim at him instead. "You!"

Discord fell to his knees. A white flag materialised into his hands, along with a halo over his head. "Let's not do something rash now! I was only trying to help."

Twilight laughed. "You're not afraid of a filly, are you?"

He gave her a poisonous look. "That 'filly' is a draconequus, armed with the powers of a draconequus. I assure you, if she pulls that trigger, she could very easily kill me." Discord wiped sweat off his forehead with the white flag. Fluttershy trotted between him and Eris.

"Um... please put that tiny cannon down, Eris." said Fluttershy quietly.

"Why should I?! He's a pest on Equestria! All he's ever done is wreak havoc. What makes you think he's going to stop now?"

Twilight stepped ahead as well. "Discord brought us here to bring you home. Nobody made him do it. We've spent the past few days with him and I'm convinced he's trying to reform."

"Eris..." Fluttershy's voice was soothing and calm. "We may have a way to save Anon. I think we should do that and worry about who made what mistakes later."

"A way? What way?"

Twilight's horn lit up. Using telekinesis, she opened her own saddlebag and pulled out five gem-encrusted necklaces and a tiara. They floated in the air between Eris and her. "You were born when Luna tried to see into Skinny's mind with magic. She didn't know Skinny was from a world where magic is totally absent. So when she imbued him with it, it was like a lightning strike into Skinny's soul... giving birth to chaos."

"The only way a draconequus can be born." Discord added. "Well, I SAY draconequus, but really I could've been anything or anyone I wanted. I suppose I just started a trend there. Of course, back in those days, we didn't have ponies anywhere near as brainy or purple as Twilight here. To survive, I had no choice but to consume my human! Although considering she used to be married to Julius Caesar, some might say I did the multiverse a favor. Ahh, Calpurnia, I do miss you sometimes. Wonderful architectural sensibilities. The pegasi should be worshipping her."

"I've studied the effect." Twilight continued. "And I'm convinced that if we harmonize the chaos in Skinny's soul, you'll be both to have physical bodies."

Eris gave her the most cynical deadpan stare she could muster. "Harmonize the chaos? What is this, Star Trek?"

"Cue the sarcasm!" Discord rolled his eyes. "Just because it sounds like made up nonsense doesn't mean it won't work. I mean, look at me. I'm ridiculous! You have to ask yourself, do you really care about whether it makes sense..."

"Yes!" Twilight squeaked indignantly.

"... or do you care about what you want to see?"

Eris dropped her revolver. "I want to see Anon again."

Discord nodded knowingly. "Then that's where our story's going to go. You have to take the Elements and put them on. All of them."

"What about Pinkie, Dash, Applejack, Rarity? The Elements-!"

"Just concentrate on what you want." He said again, more insistently. The jewelry drifted over to Eris and she put them on, one after the other. "Shape this reality around you."

Eris forced herself to relax. She imagined herself as the center of everything, the only non-malleable thing in the world. There was a loud electric hum. Was it the Elements or was it her own power... or something else? She couldn't tell. Her vision began to blur. The only thing she could focus on were her own hands, which turned green in hue. The tone of the hum changed, and Eris felt herself drift away from her own body. She was nothing but floating thoughts. Looking back, she saw a green body with a bald head and a black question mark for a face. She heard a voice in the air. It was an almost inaudible whisper.

The voice said: "Eris forced herself to relax. She imagined herself as the center of everything..."

She felt betrayed. And then she felt nothing at all ever again. You're back.

Ow. Light. Too much light.

You snarl a bit, feeling drowsy, waking up from a deep, long sleep.

"Skinny?" An achingly familiar voice cooes. It's Sweetheart, looking down at you with those unspeakably beautiful watery blue eyes, the ones that definitely belong on your list of top 10 reasons to live. "Are you okay?"

"Dad?" Another voice calls out. It's Eris, her grey fuzzy face adorably scrunched up in concern. You reach out and stroke her velvety cheek.

"Eris... you're real!" You shake your head. "I-I mean, you're real real! This isn't a dream, is it?"

Discord snorts loudly behind Eris and Sweetheart. "After all the trouble we went through to get here? I'd sue."

They help you back on your feet. You lean against Sweetheart's back, careful not to press on her wings. Memories of your recent adventures dance back into your mind. "Oh, God..." You grasp your forehead. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry... everything I said...!"

"It's okay." The yellow pegasus whispers, carefully avoiding your eyes. "I know it was the Amulet..."

"No!" You say loudly, actually startling her a little. "Sorry, I just... I mean, it was the Amulet, but it was also me. The Amulet brought out the worst in who I am. I'd be lying if I said those horrible things didn't exist in my head somewhere."

"Horrible things exist in everypony's head." says Lavender Lady helpfully, with a bright smile on her face. "You might as well have been drunk. And you didn't know that would happen."

You can only shrug.

Sweetheart stomps her hoof. "No, Skinny! I just won't let you carry on like this! You're coming home with me, mister!"

"You really mean that?"

"Mhmh."

Lavender Lady interrupts them, playfully sneaking her way through the gap between your legs. "But not before scritches, I would hope? I just saved your hairless butt, Skinny!" She giggles, looking exceptionally proud of herself. "I believe that entitles me to a lifetime of free scritches. We can set up a timetable when we get back to Equestria. But for now..." Her magic grasped your hand and dragged it to her ears.

Sweetheart clears her throat. "I wouldn't, um, be against some scritches too, Skinny... if that's alright with you..."

Eris looks outraged. "Hey, I'm literally his daughter. You can form a line behind me."

Discord tries to sneak away, but it is too late. You have already chosen him to be your first victim. You lash out like a cobra and trap him in a headlock. "Where do you think you're going? These long ears probably haven't been scritched in years!" You joke.

"No!" Discord protests, his voice cracking. "Oh, this is SO undignified! You..." his voice falters as he feels your nimble fingers scratching his ears. "Aaaargh... None of you will ever speak of this again. By Celestia's pimpled butt, that feels good."

Joy and optimism for the future balloons in your heart as Sweetheart leads you and Eris back to the cottage (Discord having gone on a holiday to detox from his newfound addiction for scritches). Your daughter hasn't stopped holding hands since she acquired her new physical form. She is now a full draconequus, and managed to bring you all home from the reality her mind had created for herself. Incidentally, it was how you found out that Discord had never sent you to the human world. Being entirely non-magical, it couldn't be accessed through magical ways. Discord had merely created an illusion, a place where Eris could bloom. And she had. You couldn't help but wonder though... what kind of a world did you really come from?

You knew so many things about your world, but it was as if you'd seen it in a film, not experienced it for real. You couldn't remember your parents' names or where you grew up. They were just images, fragments. Sweetheart told you not to worry about it too much. "I don't know where you're from, but I know where you are. With friends." She nuzzled your knee.

Before they could cross the little stream over to her house, they're interrupted by whooping and cheering noises in the distance. "What's that? Red Indians in Equestria???" You ponder out loud.

Sweetheart giggles softly. "I think that's the Cutie Mark Crusaders. You should probably watch out, they're-"

"Oh God, they're running straight at mea!" You're tackled by three intense fillies. Roughly. Straaaaaaight into the stream. It's so wet. So cold. And they're standing right on your chest.

"Skinny!"

"You're back!"

"We heard you was fighting bats!"

Your response is garbled by the water splashing over your face. Fortunately, Eris teleports you to dry land with a snap of her toes, leaving the three fillies to drop into the stream with three loud squeaks. You high five her. "Can you help with the cold?" You ask.

"Sure!" Eris snaps her toes again, and a hot bath magically appears underneath you. You drop in with a loud squeak and re-emerge a few seconds later, spurting water from your mouth.

"You know what? It's warm so I'm not even mad." You mutter.

Spotting the hot bath, the three fillies rush out of the water and gallop towards it.

"Oh, sweet Jesus, not again!" They jump in.

Three happy faces pop out of the water. "Skinny! Tell us about your adventures. Pleeeeease?!" They beg, puppy-eyes on maximum.

"It's definitely for a school essay!" Snowy lies.

"Uh-huh." You deadpan, and sigh. "I'm trapped here, ain't I?"

"Uh-huh!" They grin wolfishly.

You shake your head, laughing. "Well, tell you what... Scooter! If you drag your friends away until tomorrow, I'll fly you around again."

Scooter winked. "Done..."

The other two stare at Scooter as if she'd just sold them to cannibals.

"... buuuut I get my fly-around first!"

Eris and Sweetheart can barely contain themselves as you drag the filly out of the bathwater, hold her up high over your head and run around like a lunatic. "I'm flying!" Scooter screams victoriously, her weak wings flapping madly.

"That's just vicious betrayal, that is." Applebutt muttered to herself. Snowy nodded, equally outraged.

Finally, after the Crusaders forced out a promise to come spend all day at their treehouse tomorrow, they run off and you get an oppurtunity to step inside.

There it is, just as you left it. The round mattress in Sweetheart's living room. Slightly moth-eaten and discoloured, worn down from years of bears and other large animals sleeping on it. To you, a bed fit for a king. You jump on it and sigh deeply, feeling the pressure of the last few weeks slipping away at last. "Home."

Something nudged you. "Wha?"

"Move over!" Eris hissed. "I wanna nap too!"

"But... but..."

"But nothing! I wanna nap right here." With her flexible noodle body, she squirms right under you, turning her stomach into a pillow for you whilst using your own shoulder as her own pillow. "That's nice."

A flash.

You glare at Sweetheart. "You are NOT taking photos of this."

The yellow pegasus smirks. "Toooo late." She says softly, with a rare bit of deviousness in her voice. "This is going into my photo album. Last time I took a photo of you, we couldn't talk to each other yet, and you didn't know why I was taking them. You looked a little confused. I like this photo better. And I can't wait to get to know you, Eris."

"Nap first. Heartfelt meetings later." Eris mumbles without opening her eyes. "You can use this bed too. There's room."

"Ohh! Thank you! I think I will." Sweetheart squeezes herself in, her head resting on your other shoulder.

Silence.

Eris has never felt better. She briefly wonders about Trixie, and how nice it would be to get back together and celebrate their success. Where had she sent Trixie again? She knows she thought about Equestria when she'd sent her away, but Eris slowly realises she hadn't actually thought harder than that. Oh well, it's probably fine. Equestria's a peaceful place and Trixie is a traveller who knows the roads.

Trixie emerged from the casino, and wandered down the steps. The casino wasn't where she remembered it being, in the human world. It was now in a community full of ponies. Another trick of Discord's? Or had Eris actually managed to send her home.

She spotted a sign hanging over the town square. "Sugar Town? Now where in Equestria is that?"