Adventures in Multidimensional Dating

I was really doing this. I was really, actually doing this. "I'm ready when you are, DDj." We had since moved to a live text chat window, discovered as an alternative to private messaging shortly after she had sent her last message. Thus far, it had proven itself to be inordinately more convenient for both of us than the previous system. "Just be warned: I'm not altogether pleasant to look at."

"I'll be the judge of that, lol." DDj had been persistent throughout the entire process, so I expected her optimism. Not that it wasn't refreshing. "And don't worry: my self-esteem issues demand that I tell you that I think I'm ugly, too, and I don't expect you to think otherwise. You've got Tavi all excited about what you look like, and even Twi came over when she heard about what we were doing. She's pacing all impatiently, papers in hand so she can take notes."

I laughed as I responded, "so it's not just you I'm trying to impress here?"

"In short, no. While I wait for you to activate it, I'm gonna take a picture of the three of us and add it to what'll be sent to you. For now, it's just a video showcasing me and what I do."

Hmmm.... "Alright." I looked over the pictures I'd assembled as a part of creating my profile. One of them was of me in a secondhand suit I'd received at a Job Corps event, and it made me look like a burnt, overstuffed burrito. I was in a pose highly reminiscent of the 'you know I had to do it to em' meme, or however it went. And as far as I could tell, it was the best picture I had of me that didn't look trashy. I selected it, and then clicked 'Exchange Photo', putting it in the queue. All I had to do was wait for DDj to be finished with her picture.

Her response came sooner than expected. "You actually went through with it! Yay! Aaaaand sent!"

And with that, I received the now familiar notification bloop, indicating that two items had been sent. My hand was shaking as I went to the 'Received Items' menu. 'Congratulations on your first picture correspondence, Episteme!' was flashed at me as I saw them, sitting there. You're not gonna open them? After all the progress you two have made over such a short period? The pony avatar gave me one of her 'I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed' looks. You're being more foalish than usual, and that's saying something considering you tried to kill me four hours ago.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, but we've accepted each other for who we are. This isn't that. I'm just...."

She turned sympathetic again. ... scared? Nervous?

I nodded. "A little of both. She's unrealistically perfect. Has flaws and friends, is honest, and is eloquent. She's fucking perfect for me." My hands shook more violently. Gyawhd, I was fucked up. "But there's only one way to alleviate my fears, and that's to watch this video and look at this picture. After that, well, we'll see when we get there. Hopefully, I can bring my laptop with me."

That might be able to be arranged. I'll see what I can do, after you look at this photo and this video. This is as important to me as it is to you. I am your friend, after all.

"Alright, alright." And so I clicked on the video first, vaguely aware of receiving more messages from DDj as I opened it up.

Only fifty-seven seconds long, huh? So far, so good. Though what could be said to me in that short an amount of time? I had little time to dwell on this as the video started. A mare's head came into view, wearing large purple shades and a grin on her rounded snout, bobbing to the music. While I used to not care for dubstep, ever since I'd moved to Job Corps it grew on me. I nodded along to the beat, and the sparse words I could understand, like 'bass', 'no', and 'oh yeah'. Heavy beats were inlaid with light bloops, pews, and twangs to create this sort of middle thingy that I very much enjoyed.

Then I watched as, from behind, I got a better look at the pony who made the video. Her mane was a not too dark shade of blue, with a more electric shade going down the middle. She had two circlet piercings in her left ear, near the tip. Her shoulders were bare, and I could see much of her upper body, but nothing from the front. She had human hands and arms, which she used to push some of her mane back and then rested on either side of her torso. Her breasts were round enough that I could see outlines of them from around her waist. The camera then switched to her putting on some gloves. One of them, on her left hand, was a fishnet-like pattern, dyed black. She used it to fasten on an almost teal fingerless glove (sans fishnet) on her right. The black buckles looked more like they were there to add style than safety but looked nice all the same. No nail polish to be seen, but I didn't expect any. With a tug and a clench of her fist, the scene changed.

Now we were looking at her hi-top sneakers. They had a coloration styled to look like her mane, tied in the loopy knot I was most familiar with at the top, and fastened with white buckle straps this time. They didn't look like normal hi-tops, though. More like if hi-tops were designed for hooves. Perhaps metal horseshoes were ridiculously painful to them, and they had their own non-metal horseshoe industry? Whatever the case, her shadow indicated that she was bending down, and sure enough, she brushed off some dust from the eighth note logo on the shoe near where her ankle would be if she were human. She used her black fishnet hand to do it, showing an obscured detail from earlier: the fishnet was connected to her arm by a loop going around her middle finger, which was just solid black, and no fishnet was to be seen. From the loop, it was cut off in a triangular pattern from her palm to her wrist, where her other four fingers were bare and un-fishnetted. It really was interesting.

But then the scene changed again. Hoo. Boy.

Now I could see her breasts in full force, in all their bare glory. They were not, as her username implied, double d-cups. No, they were much, much larger. Whatever pony standards were for cup size, they obviously had a larger cup size on average than human females. DDj's breasts were more akin in size to, say, Centorea's or Rachnera's, from Monster Musume. They jiggled slightly, ignoring gravity. I watched as she moved her hands up from her sides, stroking upwards past her defined midriff (complete with curves, small waist, belly button, and six-pack abs!), and played with her grey nipples. A white fluid was flowing freely from them, even when she wasn't playing with them. It poured down her body, or otherwise dripped from her underboobs. My hands were shaking again as I continued to watch.

Now she was gently grasping something with her fingerless glove hand, thumb resting on the top of it. It looked thick, judging by how much space it took up in her hand. She couldn't get all her fingers around it if she tried. I watched as she slowly pulled her hand, and the camera, backward, stroking the length of this blue tubular... thing, whatever it was. I highly suspected I'd find out later. Just as she lifted her hand off of whatever the fuck that thing was, the camera zoomed in slightly on the blue thing abruptly ending in a sea of white, much like this mare's coat. Perhaps, given that she had a coat of fur, that was why she wasn't wearing anything? Was it uncomfortable? These were questions I'd ask her later, after the video and the photo. The camera lingered there for a moment, outlining two white shiny somethings hanging down from underneath the big blue tube. Then it all twisted around to face the camera, but a record scratch and some colored bars abruptly, if temporarily, interrupted the music.

Turned out, she had merely dropped the camera. It had clattered to the floor of the recording room, a little crack forming in the bottom right-hand corner, but the recording of the video was otherwise unhindered. I noted, from this perspective, that her shoes didn't have a matching eighth note symbol on the other ankle, because a zipper had taken up that space. Three ways to secure some cloth and rubber to her feet, but no shirt to speak of. I chuckled.

She stepped over and bent herself to pick up the camera, her fingerless glove thumb pressing up against the glass. She passed over her shoes and a small portion of her legs before she pulled the rest of it up in a weird angle. It was as though she was making an effort to try to avoid showing me her pelvis. What, did she have short shorts that she found embarrassing? The camera passed over what looked like a little bit of it, upon which I saw that eighth note symbol again, this time much larger. I barely got enough time to get a better look at it as the camera moved away from it and across one of her breasts again, still leaking that fluid from her nipples. She stopped pulling up her camera at her face, which smiled at me. She didn't have her shades on, giving me a good look at her magenta eyes. She looked like she was about to burst into laughter, which she did, only it was more of a silent giggle into her fishnet arm. She bent her head down and scrunched u her eyes in what had to be the most adorable expression I'd seen thus far. It also showcased her horn, which spiraled out a couple inches from her forehead. Around her neck rested a pair of headphones, colored much like her mane and coat, apart from the black ear cushions. She pulled her shades out from somewhere and slid them on. I noted that they just fit themselves onto her face no problem, and considered that it'd have to be a part of their design. Normal human shades wouldn't exactly work for her, as they'd have no ears to slide themselves in between. Pony ears, as had been shown to me earlier, were on top of her skull, and not on the sides like mine. Once they were fastened to her face, she set her fishnet arm and wiggled her eyebrows at the camera.

Then she looked down. And her camera followed her gaze.

Oh my gosh. Oh my fucking gosh.

It wasn't shorts that she wanted to avoid me looking at. It was something she wanted to tease. To save for last.

What was on her pelvis wasn't an embarrassing pair of shorts.

What was on her pelvis was, by far, what had to be the largest dick I'd ever seen. That dick was the long blue tube from earlier, and it was equine. It was a huge blue horsecock, with a white sheath and balls and a blue medial ring and everything. Her balls were, from this perspective, roughly about three fourths the size of tennis balls, and they ignored gravity much like her breasts. They hung from their sack, sure, but they didn't dangle or drag on the floor. They were an extension of her body. A part of her. I also had a good look at the eighth note symbols on either side of her ass. Now I'm not normally an ass or an anal man, but I know what a nice ass looks like, and she had an ass to nationalize Germany and invade Poland over. More of that fluid from her breasts flowed down the sides of her ass, running down her horse-like knees and collecting in a puddle at her shoes, which I assumed were liquid-proof. Now I had a better look at the color of the fluid, untainted by her white coat. The puddle was a shade darker than her coat. More creamy and thick. To tell you the truth, it kinda reminded me of-

Wait.

WAIT.

NOW WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED FUCKING MINUTE.

Was she... lactating?! Holy shit, she was! And a lot, too! The metabolism required sure did wonders for her figure. But it came out constantly, and not with prompting like it normally should. It pooled on the floor of wherever they recorded this video, flowing to a drain installed a short distance away. It bubbled slightly, and then flowed away, never to be seen again.

What did she taste like?

My hands now shook like I was having a seizure as I finished the video. She focused the camera on her lower body (with the exception of one of her tits), and gave her dick a solid wiggle. It bounced against the limits of its rigidity. Oh fuck, this was turning her on. She was so hard and thick. With a dick like that, why go after a fat fucking lowlife like me? plenty of women and mares would gladly go after that thing! As it wiggled, so too did her ass, revealing her ponytail, with hair colored just like her mane.

Mercifully, she pulled the camera back up to her head. She grinned once more, waved goodbye with her fishnet hand, and covered up the camera, ending the video and the song in a mess of static.

I had to get up. That was too much. That was way too fucking much.

"All of my fetishes. All of them. In one pony!" Now my eye had started twitching as well, joining my hands and arms, and even my knees. "What could I possibly be doing right that justifies her messaging me? WHAT?!" I rounded on the mare hat started all this, the fucking pony in my computer. She looked startled and was even shedding a few tears. "Is some fuck in the middle of nowhere that good at animations, and is trolling me? Because there's no way, no FUCKING WAY, that this is real!" And at that, my legs gave out, and I collapsed to the ground, shaking. It wasn't much longer until I realized that I was crying. Of course, I couldn't stop myself if I wanted to. I just laid there, giving my classroom's carpet a thorough soaking.

Then I felt something on my shoulder. I looked up, bleary-eyed and sniffly, and saw the mare from my computer, standing there, smiling. She had put a foreleg on me, and was crying as well, but not nearly as heavily as I was. Her voice was sweet and melodic, if tinted with the tears she shed for my sanity. "Hang in there, big guy."

At those comforting words, I lost it. I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her into a hug, still crying. She wrapped her forelegs around my neck as well, returning the hug. She whispered comforting platitudes in my ear, patting me on the back, and adding to the moistening of the classroom carpet. We held each other there, still under the effects of her background pony spell. In the middle of my mental breakdown, I thought, at least nobody can see us. Thank fuck. Oh, wait, fucking. She'll be doing plenty of that with her... her..., and then I lost it again.

It took a while for us to calm down. We ended up underneath my desk, laying against the wall next to each other. "So."

She looked up at me. I was much bigger than she was, and even though she was a cartoon pony come to life, given flesh and blood, she was still a little pony. She looked like what a flesh and blood pony should look like, if it were ripped from Friendship is Magic and plunked in front of me. Large eyes and head, short, rounded snout, long mane and tail, and adorable as fuck. "So." That voice of hers!

In spite of myself, I managed a grin. "Happy to not be limited to underlined text now?"

She rolled those massive eyes of hers and smirked. "Inordinately, yes."

The elephant- erm, the pony in the room needed to be addressed. "How did you get out of my computer?"

She sighed. "It's hard to explain. I saw you collapse, and I felt... something in my chest." She pointed at the chest in question, which rose and fell in a soft, floofy rhythm. "The next thing I knew, I was on the floor behind you, and I couldn't just watch you tear yourself apart."

"So you don't know, but you love me too much to care," I snarked.

She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then fixed me a determined look. "Yes."

I was too tired to start crying again, so I merely sat there in muted shock. "Wut."

She got up, smiled shakily, and wrapped her forelegs around me again. She was so close to me, her snout nearly booping my nose. "I... I love you, Scerick. Unconditionally, irrevocably, and given our actions towards each other, I might add irrationally. Your sense of humor is unique, and you're very charming and handsome. Your life has been riddled with trials and tribulations, but wherever it may take you, know that I'll be by your side no matter what."

"But... can you go back? Back into my computer?"

She looked up at the underside of my desk, on top of which my computer lay, the application still open. "I don't know. But... I don't think I want to."

"I can't support you."

She looked back at me, smiling again. "You don't have to."

"I can't feed you."

"I don't need to eat. Came from a computer, remember?"

"I can't clothe you."

"You do know I'm not wearing anything right now, right? And I've got my fur coat."

"I don't have any money."

"I don't need any. What would I even buy?"

"You're a talking, multicolored pony. If anyone sees you, you may be taken away from me and killed."

"Nopony - excuse me, nobody - has seen me yet. How do you think we're still sitting here, even after our loud crying session?"

She had me there. My hand had started to shake again, so I clenched it into a fist and just focused on breathing. When I was calm, I looked at the pony in front of me. Her smile had faltered, being replaced with concern. "I don't deserve you."

She hugged me tighter, resting her snout comfortably on my large shoulders. "Yes. Yes, you do."

I laughed, just a little. "What did I do to deserve this? Fuck me...."

She looked at me, her smirk returning. "Not yet, Scerick. Soon, for sure, but not today." Her smirk became a grin. "After all, I gotta fix your head," she pointed a hoof at my skull, "before I fix your head." She pointed her hoof at my crotch.

I wrapped my arms around her again and laughed my ass off. She was still so close.

It came as no surprise when she pulled me in and started to kiss me. She seemed to prefer using her lips over fighting for dominance with our tounges, but she was pushing into me regardless. She stroked my back with her hoof, and I combed my fingers through her mane. Occasionally, a moan or a squeak would escape her perfect lips. The scent of strawberries filled the air, tracing back to the mare I was sucking face with. When I did trace it back to her, she blushed. "That's, uh, my scent. We give it off whenever we're... uh...." And then I looked down. Sure enough, past her deepening blush and her sheepish grin, there was a twitching tail and a collection of juices, busy giving off that strawberry scent full force.

I knew what those juices meant, and I shook my head at her. "We'll leave it here for now. When you're ready."

Her sheepishness turned into gratitude. "Thank you, Scerick." She hesitated, then added, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

One squee and a glomp later, I had returned to my seat. The mare who was formerly from my computer sat curled, catlike, on my lap. As I was about to look at the picture DDj had sent me along with the video, I was interrupted by another private message. With a sigh, I opened it up, not concerned that you had to message someone back in order to activate the chat window function. But then I started to pay attention.

It was from 'Creator (ADMIN)'. "What have you done?!"

The mare on my lap seemed to notice my sudden tension because she perked her head up. "What's going on?"

I mutely pointed at the message I had just received. "No, seriously, what in Tartarus have you done?!"

She sat up, typing, "I'm right here! I just had to comfort him!"

"You get back right in the system, young mare. You can't only help this human. There are millions of instances of you that just disappeared right off the bat, all because you had to hug him! The nerve of you. You have a job to do! And you shirked it!"

She glared at the screen. "Creator, that's not what I'm doing."

"Yes, it is! You can't come back in now, because the system is registering you as a bucking user! Now I have to make another User Interface, which will leave millions of users out in the dust!"

"Uh, if I may interject," I interjected, "your user interface is pretty standard as far as that goes. Menu buttons are easy to find, and messaging is easy to access and complete. You don't actually need to code an entire Artificial Intelligence and split its consciousness across an entire website just to help some inept user. If they can't navigate this site, it's their own fault."

My mare smiled at me. "My human just made a good point. You don't need me in your servers. Your website is built in such a way as ponies can navigate it easily, without my help. Having another me around just complicates things. And besides," she fixed me a loving look before finishing, "I'm my own mare now. I'm flesh and blood. You can't override any subroutines or code me back into your grasp. I'm here, and you're there. There's nothing you can do about this."

"I could always ban your human."

WHAT?! She conveyed my spluttered anger for me. "Why?! He's done nothing to harm you! Leave him out of this, or so help me!"

"What he's done is he's taken my daughter away from me, and I want her back."

"Really now? Well, you can't have her, and that's final!"

The screen suddenly went black, and a single string of text appeared: 'You have been banned from Interdimensional Dating.' Yet she was grinning like she had won.

"Uh...," I began.

She turned to me. "Don't worry, honey. I'll always protect you from bad people. And besides, The Creator will come to their senses soon. The other admins are good ponies, and they suspected that something like this would happen. You should be unbanned within the next couple of hours."

"If you say so."

I reached behind her head and scratched her ears. She melted into my touch like some trashy slime-focused transformation manga on nhentai. "Oooooh. That feels so gooooooood." She let out a giggle. "Now that I'm not in that website, I can feel things. I don't have to direct somepony's stupid request, I don't have to kowtow to Creator... I'm free!" She smiled up at me and purred, "I know I've said it before, but it bears saying again: I. Love. You."

I returned her smile. "I love you too, dear."