Equestria Life

Equestria LifeWritten By: BlackMirage & TheHighlander

It was a normal spring day, the birds were chirping, the smell of freshly cut grass was in the air, the sun was beating down, occasionally a squirrel would run out in the road and narrowly miss a car, I was blaring First of The Year from my house and my neighbor was bitching at me, what a great day!

“If you don’t turn that fucking music off right now-“

“What? I can’t hear you over the music” I said, interrupting him and pointing to my ear to show I couldn’t hear him,

He walked away after that, I knew what he was doing; he was going to go crying to his son and tell him to beat my ass.

He stomped up my driveway a few minutes later; I put my Top Gun style sunglasses over my eyes, I hated when people looked me in the eyes,

“Listen here you little punk-“ He tried,

“Let me just stop you right there, because personally, I don’t give a shit” I said,

“Those glasses look stupid on you” he said,

“I wonder how they’d look on you then” I said,

“Look here, that music is stupid and loud, please turn it down” he said,

I sighed loudly, “Well, because you said please”

I walked over to the stereo system and turned it down, watching him walk away I waved with a stupid smile on my face,

I walked inside; it was too hot outside anyways.

I checked my phone, my friend had called me six times in the past twenty minutes,

I decide to call him back, it was probably about the story me and him were writing together for FimFiction.

One ring and he picked it up,

“Hey man, I’ve been trying to get ahold of you” he said,

“I noticed, what’s up?” I asked,

“I met this creepy guy today, he was in this weird getup too” He said,

“Why are you even telling me this?” I asked, confused by his stupidity,

“Because, he has me locked in my closet and he’s inside my house” He said,

“Wait… what?” I asked, laughing to myself,

“Seriously, I need you to get over here” he said,

“Did you call the cops?” I asked, getting up,

“The only number in my phone that would work was yours” he said,

“I’ll be right over” I said, hanging up the phone,

I hopped in my car and pulled out of my driveway, almost hitting a few of the neighborhood kids in the process, after getting the evil eye from some parents I gave them a sheepish smile and sped off down the road,

What did that idiot get himself into?

I pictured a man in a Swimming outfit with a gun pointed at my best friends head, he said a weird getup didn’t he?

I screeched to a halt on the road on the side of his house, the door was wide opened and a man in a Hawaii shirt with black glasses and yoga pants on was sitting on the front porch, sipping a glass of chocolate milk and eating cotton candy,

“What’s the big idea here dude?” I shouted,

“Hmm? Oh you must be Mirage, take a seat” he said, snapping his fingers, making a chair appear out of nowhere,

“I’m not sitting down until… Wait, how did you know about that name?” I asked,

“I read your stories all the time!” He said, laughing to himself, “And I haven’t even made ONE single appearance!”

That laugh seemed oddly familiar,

“Who are you?” I asked,

He flipped down his glasses, showing two disfigured golden and red eyes,

Disfigured… Disfig… Dis… Discord!

Did my eyes deceive me? Was I really looking into Discord’s eyes?

“You certainly are” he said,

“What?” I asked,

“I can hear your thoughts” he said,

It was Discord!

“I already told you that” he said,

“How are you even here?” I asked,

“On earth? Oh it’s just a little hobby of mine” Discord said,

“What do you want?” I asked,

“To teach you a lesson” he said,

And with that he splashed his chocolate milk into my face and eyes, blinding me briefly, I could feel him pushing me inside and tried to resist but he just kept pushing, it was like my feet wouldn’t get any traction from…

That fucker turned the carpet into soap!

“Conner!” A voice shouted, it was Jack,

“Jack what the hell is this man?” I asked,

“He’s gonna rape us!” he shouted,

“I would do no such thing!” Discord said, sounding offended,

“Why did you take me out of the shower when I was butt ass naked?!” Jack shouted,

I kept my eyes closed. Fuck you Brokeback Mountain for putting these images in my mind,

“Don’t you ever get impatient?” Discord asked,

“What are you gonna do then?” Jack asked,

“I’m going to teach you a lesson” He said, repeating what he said to me,

“Is it a lesson in rape?” he asked,

“Jack what is with your obsession with rape?!” I shouted, “You’re gonna give him ideas!”

“You two have got to be the biggest idiots I’ve ever dealt with” Discord said, Face… pawing?

“What do you do to idiots?” Jack asked, gasping,

I kicked in his general direction, connecting with his ribcage,

“Ow!” he yelped,

“Shut up already!” I said,

“Okay this is what is going to happen” Discord said, “You two are going on a trip!”

“A Trip to where? Rapetown?” Jack asked,

I kicked him again, making him yelp again,

"No Mars" He said,

"But there isn't any air!" Jack cried out

"I'm just kidding!" Discord said, laughing again,

"Where are we going really Discord?" I asked,

"Equestria!" he said,

"What?!" Jack gasped,

“Have fun!” Discord shouted,

I felt something hit me in the side of the head and I was immediately knocked out.