The names Marcus. I’m a Changeling and some bad shit has happened to me before (are tragic backstories still in?). But before you go pulling out violins, let me tell you a tale about a bug and his dog, or at least what I can remember about it. On their adventure to make money and find something to do with themselves. It all started on a dirt road, or it could have been gravel who the hell knows; it had been a few days since I met another traveler to trade, tell stories with or just annoy. It was usually annoy; but it had been green hills, and dirt (or gravel who cares) for days now. I could have looked at my map or gone back, or something, but I had a strange feeling something plot driven was bound to happen, so I kept at it. Remember kids, persistence usually works, unless you see her reaching behind her back for something. You’ve missed several signs at that point and i recommend immediate unpersistance. But anyway, low and behold a bit of plot comes along. I had met some strange characters in my travels; some weird quirky individuals who probably had no right to be anywhere or do anything without an adult.
However the one that was walking towards me was bipedal and rather large. Much larger than a griffin, so that was awesome. Finally I can say my travels have been truly racially diverse. As he got close I could see his tail, and the massive sword he was casually carrying on his shoulder (diamond dogs are awesome. They give you bonus diversity points). He was in a full suit of steel armor with an orange mohawk looking thing on his helmet, which can I say was a nice touch 10/10. We eventually got close enough to wave at one-another. Well ok...I did. He was just looking at his sword, and I guess whispering to it, I heard him chastising it, telling it to shut up (poor thing probably had rabies or something). I knew he was probably crazy, and there was a chance he’d cleave me in two if I were to say the wrong thing, but there are some things in life; certain moments and events where you’re like “yeah I know what the smart thing to do here is” but later on you always wonder what could have been, or where you’d be right now if you’d just told common sense to suck it. If you’re slow or not getting what I’m putting down; this was one if those moments for me.
“hey there traveler...how ya holding up?” I asked. He turned his head in acknowledgement; then plunged his sword into the ground. He turned around completely and gave me a stare that said; “my face is covered up by a helmet” so I couldn’t really get a feel for him.
“I’m fine” was all he said in a much more normal voice than anticipated, his helmet gave him a slight echo but that was about it. I was expecting some grizzled war dog, but nah I just got Peter from accounting, that being said he was still a crazy war dog that could cut me a new one, so about a 6/10 on the intimidation scale.
“doubt it considering you were having pillow talk with your sword back there, but hey I’ll take your word for it...so got anything you want to trade?” I asked.
He gave me a swift “No.” and turned back to his sword no doubt to whisper sweet nothings into its nonexistent ears; I had to think fast or this opportunity to advance the plot would rush by me. “Well then I’m somewhat lost so you mind If we cross reference maps?” I gave him my best “don’t stab me” smile and considering there’s a few more chapters you have to sit through, it worked. He rummaged through his satchel (upgraded fanny pack) until he found his map; and then I handed him my piece of paper with chicken scratches on it.
“are you serious?” he asked. He asked that question, the same way a preschool teacher would ask her students, if she found them not only eating crayons, but using it as a zest for their paste patties. My smile didn’t waver as I continued not wanting to get stabbed.
“you know what fuck it, why don’t I follow you wherever the hell you’re going?” I asked. He barely gave me a response as he threw my map back at me, and stuffed his back in his satchel. He picked up his sword and started to leave my ass in the middle of the road, So with all my wisdom and knowledge I followed him and hoped he wouldn’t use my head as a kicking stone.
“why are you following me?” he asked threatenly.
“Meh I’ve been walking down this road for a few days with nothing interesting going on. So why not backtrack with a pal and see if I missed anything”. He growled at me (still a 6/10 maybe a 7 if I want to be generous).
“we are not pals, and you are not going to follow me. Leave me alone or else” he exclaimed. I tilted my head and gave him a good look over.
“You really gonna kill someone for walking the same path as you?” I asked. He stopped in his tracks and sighed; he rummaged through his satchel again and dropped a small dagger at my hooves.
“First town we see I’m leaving you there” he said, I picked up and looked at the dagger in my magic, it seemed sharp enough. I stored it in my hat and walked alongside my new found companion to start our grand adventre together.
“So let’s get this show on the road shall we?” I said cheerfully. He said nothing and started walking, but he didn’t need to; I knew we were getting along just perfectly.
Our trip together was mostly in silence. Well I tried talking to him and he refused to answer any questions that didn't require a one word answer, so he was just so much fun to be around, but watching him trying to act natural was kinda fun. There were times where it was kinda obvious he could hear or see something I couldn't, but I could never get a solid answer out of him, during the night I'd try and examine his sword when he slept, but I could never remember anything after that. I'd just wake up in the morning like nothing happened. The grassy hills began to die down as our surrounding areas became mostly flatlands with the occasional bump with starry eyed dreams of one day being a hill. Other travelers were now a thing albeit scarce, the majority of them took one look at my new friend and then straight back down at the dirt road. We eventually reached a run down looking town, that had clearly past its prime. Boarded up windows, vines consuming homes and even burnt husks of buildings were standing. Clearly maintenance wasn't high on the priority list. Something odd I noticed was everyone was in pairs, two, three and even four but nobody dared walk alone. This probably wasn't a good sign, but then again I had been traveling with what I can only assume to be a schizophrenic dog who talked to himself for a few days now so perhaps my judgment on bad signs weren't the best. I had little recollection of staying here before, but hey we were here now and I was kinda in the mood for a drink, a place like this now doubt had a bar somewhere.
“we're here. Finally; now this is where I never have to see you again” he said. his complete sentence surprised me as that was the most he had said this entire trip.
“well before we do that how about some drinks?” I asked. He growled at me, which is what he did for the majority of our time together, so I had gotten use to it.
“I just want to be rid of you already” he said quite frankly (ouch).
“oh come on you can't say no to free drinks with strangers” I retorted.
If his helmet was off I'd guess he'd be giving me me one hell of a glare, but I guess that's one disadvantage of them; doesn't really leave any room for facial expressions. After some convincing and downright lying about the quality of the establishment, we found ourselves in a dingy old bar with some unsavory characters. I could probably count the amount of creatures in the bar who did an honest days work on my hooves. I was given glares and dirty looks as I walked over to the bar; in the corners of my eye however I could see those looks wiped right off the faces of ponies and griffins in the bar; no doubt thanks to the help of my new companion (I could get use to having friends like this). I sat down at an empty bar stool; my friend looked at a rickety stool two seats away from me and tossed it behind him, choosing to stand, and resting his great sword on the bar as if to dare anyone to touch it. Now my friend wasn't a massive behemoth normal diamond dogs where; he was still much larger than any normal creature in equestria, but if you were to compare him, to the literal blocks of lead normal diamond dogs are, then you'd probably mistake him as one of their sons with how much thinner he is. Still he wields a massive sword with only one hand most of the time, so he probably has about the same strength as normal diamond dogs. We were both enjoying our piss in a bottle, when I was interrupted by a very unfriendly pony and his two groupies.
“oi I thought I told your bug ass to kick rocks last time you tried to come in my town” the rude pony said. (I'm trying to get the point across about how rude he was. Maybe then it might justify what's about to happen).
“You and your bitch here better piss off” he added. My bitch took another sip of his drink, and said in a 8/10 on the intimation scale.
“Sit. Back. Down”. But apparently that solid 8/10 was only about 5 or 4 to the rude son of a bitch.
“excuse me?!” he said sounding offended.
“do you know who the hell I am you damn mut?” he added
“your kind ain't welcomed here and it never will, be so beat it”. (I would have cared about that blatant racism if I'd known his name, or if he was given one, but nah I just chalked it up to him just being here to cause conflict).
“I truly don't care. All I want is the drink he owes me, and then i'll leave. You can do whatever you want to him at that point, doesn't matter to me” (again, ouch).
We were getting the attention of the entire bar at this point, but I’d still bet money none of them would be willing to help me, and me being as good as I am (lies) even I couldn't get out of this unscathed; so it was about that time for me to make a bad move and pray things would work out. I sloshed my terrible drink in my magic like a fine wine, and took a quick sip in case it'd be my last; and then I spun around and smashed it over the rude fuckers head; he recoiled back as blood dripped down his face and the alcohol irritated his wounds (hopefully. Man this guys a prick). And just to add insult to injury.
“you think we’re scared of you townie fucks!?” I screamed, That got him very angry.
“look at all you stupid bastards, we’d kill all of you dumb cunts without breaking a sweat !” I added. That got everyone angry, and some patrons even stood up at my remarks.
“I want both these bastards dead, fucking dead damn it !” that riled up most of the drunks at the bar
“three hundred bits for each of their heads you put on a spike”
and that got the attention of every mercenary, killer, and desperate soul in the building. Bottles were smashed, pool cues were snapped and the unforgettable sound of a blade being unsheathed was deafening. I looked back at my friend real quick; he couldn't show his anger with his face, so he did so by breaking his bottle in his hand. (I should probably try and fight far away from him). Lucky for me a griffin with a death wish tried to go after his sword, and in all his drunken wisdom grabbed it by the blade end. My friend grabbed the right end of his sword, and thrusted it right through the griffin until they were face to face, and just to let out his anger. he headbutted him so hard his beak cracked in several places. He pulled his sword out of him and with that the chaos ensued. My friend went on to decapitate and maime at his own pace, I had more closer, and personal targets. The broken bottle went into the first groupie, and my dagger that had been hidden in my hat through the second one, they both screamed out in pain. Especially the second one considering I had to dig and twist my dagger to get him to shut up. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough to stop the rude pony from charging and tackling me; sending us both over the bar. He was on top of me before I could get my bearings, and had pinned my hooves down at my sides,
”i'm gonna skin you alive you fucking bug !” he yelled.
I would have said something to irritate him further, but a sound of cracking wood and a scream of pain caught my attention, I looked up and saw the bartender (a nice looking unicorn mare solid 7/10) defending her bar from anyone trying to fight on it. See noticed us, and I saw her marching her way towards us with her blood covered bat in her magic. I spit in the mean ponies eye in order to get a window of opportunity, and just as planned he wiped it away with a hoof. I grabbed him by the neck and pulled him in front of me to take the blow from the bat I knew was coming. And come it did; I felt him go limp after I heard the crack and crunch of the wood making contact with an empty skull. I saw her wind up again, so I quickly hurled his corpse at her with my magic. She stumbled back losing focus on the bat and dropping it, which gave me the opportunity to grab the bat myself; however this gave her the chance to reach for the flintlock pistol she also had stashed under the bar. (let me tell you her paranoia was making her very unattractive now) I grabbed a bottle that was near her in my magic and threw it at her. She lost focus and dropped the pistol; I charged her with another bottle, and hit her on the horn as hard as possible, she screamed again and flailed her hooves were she thought I was. I drove the broken bottle through her throat and she fell shortly after, I picked up her pistol and shot her dead (poor girl probably didn't deserve it).
With the short break I had time to look over the carnage that was now the bar scene. You were either dead, unconscious, writhing in pain, fighting, or on fire. (wait fire?) I followed the fire until I found the source, the source being a patron I can't believe I didn't see coming in. A pony made of dark fire burning anything and everything that posed a threat to it (it was pretty awesome) we made eye contact and it smiled at me (or at least I think it did. I don't think it had a mouth) I gave it a wink and with my trusty bat and pistol combo joined the fray. With my new found friends we made short work of the rest of the bar and found ourselves the only ones left standing after a job well done. My new friend was not happy with me to say the least. He was so unhappy he took off his helmet that had a few dents in it. In fact there were small dents all over his armor; the fact he was a massive target, was probably the only reason I was still alive.
“You massive fucking idiot !” he screamed as he walked towards me sword in hand (well it was nice knowing you all thanks for tuning in, but I get fucking murdered so see ya next time. Ok not really if fire chick wasn't there). The fire pony from earlier materialized from the floor in front of me,
“that's enough carapice. Jeez you've been nothing but a jackass to him since we've all met” it said. The fire pony looked at me and smiled (again no mouth on whatever this is, so i'm just kind of going off its eyes for emotions).
“Hi there, glad to finally meet you face to face marcus” it said all too peppy for my taste. Its voice reminded me of chrysalis in the way it sounded like multiple people talking, kinda like a hive mind. I tried to separate the voices to tell what it originally was, but I gave up and decided it was a chick.
“Um it's good to met you, thanks for the help back there” I said.
“No problem. The names decker and this grumpy fuck is carapice” she said while saluting.
“so let's start looting and hit the road again” she added.
Carapice wanted to protest, but decker flared up and that silenced him and he started looting corpses with us (whipped). We had gotten a pretty impressive haul; more weapons and ammunition then we knew what to do with; it's a shame only two of us could carry it cause of deckers whole fire situation, but at least I had found my dagger again, and I also got myself a cool compact crossbow that can compliment my new pistol pretty well. I kinda felt bad when I looked over at the bartender but I had a strange feeling I should be getting use to things like this, so I tried to forget and not think about it.
“So decker, I didn't see you when we walked in... So where did ya come from” I asked.
She looked at me from across the bar and sinked into the floor again; she traveled to the other side, as just a line of black fire towards Carapice’s sword. When she touched it the whole sword caught the same color of fire as decker was, it died down eventually, and she later came out the sword as her usual self,
“taa daa” she said waving gleefully at me.
“well that's pretty cool can't lie there” I responded.
After a few more minutes of looting and playing my new favorite game of “who's leg is this?” we were interrupted by a very proper voice that didn't fit the whole old town setting we were in.
“alright then ya sods come out and lay down your weapons. We have the whole place bloody surrounded !” the voice called out.
Decker phased back into carapices sword which left me and carapice to debate on our next move; reluctantly we walked out and threw our weapons in front of us, to the shock of over a dozen ponies. They all had on the same uniform; a duster with a shiny star somewhere pinned on their person, so they can be even easier to see in a fight.
With everyone wearing a hat with a varying degree of western; you get the occasional unique pony who decided to come into work with a bandanna, them being the fashionistas they were. They all carried some sort of weapon on them, be it flintlock, musket, varying style of crossbows and even six shooters. There were those daring enough to come in with a blackjack or blade of some kind, but looking at them now I think they were highly regretting that choice.
“cheers mate. No more bloodshed ey?” he took the pipe out of his mouth with his magic and began smoking it.
“good on ya. Now let my boys on in so we can see what the bloody hell happened in there” he said. We moved out of their way, as a group of four entered the bar to see our handy work.
“I'm sheriff Crumpet star. So do you blokes wanna tell your side of the story?” the sheriff asked.
“self defense that lead to a bunch of idiots getting themselves killed” Carapice explained.
“ha of course it is. I guess we'll see won't we” crumpet said with a hit of his pipe.
“oi boss look at the only shit stain we found still breathing!”. Two of the four ponies that went in dragged out the rude pony and threw him in front of crumpet.
“Annabelle is dead too. Glass in her throat and a bullet to the head” crumpet looked at the small pile of weapons me and carapice had made and pulled out Annabelles pistol. He took a good whiff of it and turned to me.
“smells like gunpowder, definitely used recently”. He then picked up her bat and took it over to the barely breathing pony drooling all over himself.
“the indentation fits and he definitely has a concussion. This you as well?” crumpet asked.
“if it makes you feel any better I shot her as quickly as possible” I said. He gave me a quick look and then waved one of his ponies over.
“yes boss?” the young filly asked. This pink and lime filly had to be just in her teen years, however this didn't stop her from trying to look professional. Mane in a bun instead of the usual weird styles you see little fillies in, and a flintlock strapped to each hip, and her back fore legs.
“take two bodies with you and seat these blokes in my office” crumpet ordered.
“you sure about that boss?” the filly asked.
“yes I'm positive love. now get them the hell out of sight before the locals go mental over this”.
With that we were under armed escort as a filly half my age was barking orders at us, all things considered I think my plan worked out perfectly. We were seated in a poorly lit dusty office, with poorly constructed and dirty blinds that let in beams of light due to it being broke in random spots; no doubt due to gunfire. Carapice just leaned against a wall considering the chairs would probably snap under his weight, the two other guards were posted on with side of the door and there were no doubt dozens of more around the building, so we were basically forced to wait until crumpet and his crew were done with cleaning up the bar, which would no doubt take a very long time. The filly, who I learned was the towns deputy, which is just as funny as it sounds.
“so...what do you want to be when you grow up?” I asked.
“piss off” was all she said without even looking up from her paperwork.
“that's an interesting thing to want to be” I quipped. Her retort was great; that retort being to point a pistol right at my head, and pull the hammer back. Carapice snickered.
“I like your style kid” he said in between chuckles. She adjusted her aim and fired a shot inches away from his face, that made even the stoic dog jump in his skin.
“both of you shut your mouths” she ordered, the door swung open and crumpet walked in with a tired look on his face.
“out of my seat love” he said. The filly groaned and reluctantly stepped down to make room for him.
“stop calling me that in front of everyone for fucks sake” she demanded. Crumpet just laughed as he passed her and made sure to kick her in the ass with one of his back legs, which caused her to give out a small yelp.
“ha you're too young to be called anything else little lady, now come off it with that tone you're using” he said. It was actually extremely hard to not laugh at the little deputy as she stormed out to do her little deputy things.
“now to more serious matters” crumpet said.
“the clean up will be done soon, and we've confiscated most of the weapons” carapice was about to object before he was cut off.
“and you both will have the whole stockpile of them available to you this once and once only. Don't worry mate plus you'll bloody well need them with the job I got planned for the lot of you” he said.
“What job?” I asked.
“we’re not doing anything unless we get paid” carapice added. Crumpet just sighed and rubbed his temples.
“ya bloody fuckin mercenaries I swear...listen you two have just slaughtered and entire bar full of blokes. but In your defense the majority of those blokes were thugs and criminals we were itchin to hunt down anyway. However I think we all get that there were innocents in that bar that didn't deserve what happened”. I awkwardly rubbed my neck and gave a awkward laugh to go with it, no one else was laughing unfortunately.
“half the town wants ya both executed, but considering how you helped us out...kinda, I gave them an alternative”. Crumpet got up, and walked towards the dirty windows as he lit his pipe.
“you two wankers are going on a trip to a place called twin towns. They were our best traders, and helped us out in a pinch, but the last letter they sent said they had to stop trade immediately, and deal with domestic issues, and we need that trade more than ever right now, so it's your job to get there as quick as possible and help however you can” carapice put one of his paws on the table.
“And if we refuse?” carapice asked.
“Well then I can't protect you two from the mob of ponies that want your head over the death of annabelle and all the other innocents you've killed”. Man he was really driving the only kill I felt bad about home wasn't he. With no other options we accepted crumpets job, and made our way to the towns storage room where all the weapons from our fight was being stored. We walked in on three ponies whose job it was to maintain, clean and repair the towns weapon supply. One mare looked up from her work and smiled at us.
“well speak of the devil, we were just talkin about y’all” she said. She had a bright yellow coat and a faded red mane. Her cutie mark was that of an apple being caught in a lasso.
“good things no doubt” I said as I winked at her. She gave me a light chuckle.
“ha you keep thinking that fella” she said. We looked around at the selection of weapons, well at least I did; carapice walked straight to his sword and nothing else.
“you got a spare wet stone?” he asked. One of the unicorn stallions floated a stone to him, and carapice sat down with it and started sharpening his blade (I wonder if decker can feel that?).
“make your choice and let's go” carapice said. I scanned the metal shelves full of ill gotten weapons and made my first obvious picks; my old dagger could be concealed under my hat, so I did just that and moved on to my next choice. Annabelles flintlock; I don't know maybe I'd be kinda poetic or symbolic or some shit if I used her pistol for some good. I was gonna go for her bat next but the mare stopped me,
“I wouldn't if I were you the sheriff's called dibs on that girl”. I took that into consideration and moved on; I didn't get a chance to use the compact crossbow so fuck it why not, and last but not least I took an old telescopic baton cause I've always wanted one and they're cool shut up. One blood stained saddle bag and a leg and hip holster for my new pistol and crossbow respectfully, and after getting a decent amount of ammo for each I was all geared and ready to go. I took my gear and sat down next to carapice and for once today was able to just relax.
“so...what's the plan?” I asked him.
He went through his satchel that was still an upgraded fanny pack, and pulled out his map that had been updated by crumpet.
“none of the roads in this area are mapped on any normal equestrian map, so we're going off of crumpets knowledge of the area. Which makes me more wary than anything” he said as he put his claw on one of the symbols that were near the road.
“there's three smaller settlements on the way there, and patrols from each settlement randomly scattered and watching the roads the best they can, but I wouldn't rely on them” he added.
“sounds about right” I said. The mare walked up to us and sat down a good distance away.
“now I hate being an eavesdropper when y’all are speaking at full volume in a small room, but may I recommend y’all take a load off in the barracks tonight, and head out in the morning all bright eyed and bushy tail and what not” she suggested. I was all for a good rest, but apparently carapice wasn't too keen on it by the look on his face.
“and how's about we take that armor of your hands as well, and get it all pretty looking for ya?” she asked. Carapice responded in his usually charming way by growling at her.
“don't worry about it just leave it by the door to your room and we'll pick it up for you...speaking of doors here ya go” she tossed me some keys and said they were to our room in the barracks, and that the curfew was ten o'clock. When the time came me and carapice went to our room and called it a day. Our room was pretty standard, just two beds, two wall lockers and one night stand in between them; with a single lantern on it. Carapice began taking off his armor piece by piece and set it all by the doorway, this was the first time I saw him without his armor, he wore a plain leather tunic that almost matched the color of his fur, baggy cream colored pants; and he still looked as skinny out of the armor as he did in it.
“you trust these ponies?” I asked him.
“not at all, but my armor needs work now because of a certain someone's stupidity” he said. Decker came out of the sword and materialized in a burst of flame.
“in his defense you were going to leave him for dead” decker said. Carapice just sighed and went to bed.
“you get use to his grumpy attitude trust me...you did good out there no matter how much he doesn't want to say it” decker said. I had to admit that little pep talk did put a smile on my face.
“goodnight marcus and welcome to team” she said as she phased back into the sword.
“goodnight decker glad to be here” I said back. And that ladies and gentlemen is how my adventures as a mercenary began.
