It was a relatively normal day in Horseland. Relatively, as you've been lying down on your bed for the past several hours sporting the hardest case of morning wood you've ever had. Thoughts of spanking it off were killed as no matter what you did, what technique you used, it wouldn't blow its spunky white. This is bad, but not the worst thing that's happened to you. It just meant it was time to accept the facts.
You need to get laid, and pronto.
You let out a sigh and swear under your breath as you wriggle your pants back up your waist. "Sonovashit," with a shake of your legs, you stuff your Baby Batter BakerTM behind your belt and stand up. This bitch was going down for nothin'. It was only a matter of time, you figured, that you'd hold off on wanting to fuck a horse, but, sadly, that time is over. Now, you just need a helpful participant.
And who better else than the one you're staying with?
You step away from your bed, sheets covered in crusted jizzum, and sniffle. Welp, only one way to find out. "Firefly! Get up here, stat!" You decide it'd be easier to shout instead of actually leave your room. Lazy bastard.
The panicked clopping of hooves sounds in your ears as your ~~tree~~ housemate comes up the stairwell. "Anon? What is it!? Did somepony stab you in your sleep again!" Her shouts muffled from behind the door, you sniffle again. Thank God, no one stabbed you again. The first time hurt like a bitch... fuckin' Scrote, that asshole. Accident my well-built genes! The door finally swings open and you step back as your immediate caretaker enters the room. You scratch your nuts.
"Nah, just got a problem I need taken care of." You mutter, embarrassed that you have to even ask. Holy shit, dude, that sounded hella rapey.
"What is it, a friendship problem? Do you finally want to move out or start paying rent? Is Rarity still bugging you and you want to dispose of her corpse?!" Her voice raises with every question and you hardly pay attention. You shake your head as she finishes with a heavy breath of air.
"None of the above," you respond and her brows quirk upward in worry. She opens her mouth to speak, but you drop your pants. "Wan' sum fukk?" You express in your most sincere voice, a deep instilled passion lays behind your words. Your pecker throbs once and Firefly's eyes go up and down the length of your member.
Yeh, she totally wants the D- "what the buck, Anon." Her statement leaves in a hoarsely manner and she continues to stare at your bulging manhood. All three inches of it. You are so gonna get some horse pus- "out." Pardon?
"Pardon?"
"Out. Now." You haven't even gone in yet? Holy shit, dude, you have magic pecker powers. You thrust in the air once and Firefly gasps at the sheer intensity of it, fuck yeah! She backs up a step, her face covered in red, either in passion or embarrassment of being air fucked by you. I mean, I don't really feel anything, but as long as it's pleasing her. You're such a gentleman.
You go to thrust the air one more time, but a sudden purple envelops your body and you blink. All of a sudden you're standing in the middle of Horseville, your prick-dick meer inches away from one Applekek's face. Huh, Firefly should've mentioned that Applehat wanted summadis. You continue your thrust from earlier and Applekek jumps back with a screech and she faints. Holy shit she was easy, she came right away! Magic pecker powers for the fucking win! You lift your arms up and whoop loudly. Everyhorse's eyes are on you all of a sudden and you smirk. With a final thrust in the air, your peener bobbing in the wind, everyhorse screams and-and... oh my fucking God, I fucked a guy. You let out a silent scream as you see Ginger Crotch fall onto the ground near Diabeetuscube Corner. His wife is going to be so fucking mad. That fucking homo.
Oh, no, wait, you're a homo as well! You fucked him from thirty feet away! From the shame alone, you pull up your pants in a panic, your belt whipping into your wood sending a pleasurable ~~and painful~~ sensation up your spine. With thoughts of I'm gay and something about osteoporosis, you run into the very shop the unconscious Ginger Crotch lie next to. You slam the door behind you and pant loudly. "I-I almost came to th-that!" You whimper, the ache in your patty cake subsiding. Oh dear God, all you wanted was poon.
"Nonnie! S'that you? Oh my Gosh, I was just thinking about you!" Pardon? Again.
"Pardon? Again."
The pink likely cocaine addict hops over the counter seamlessly and proceeds to pronk over to you. Thankfully, you'd managed to put away your magical weapon before coming in, you're pretty sure she has some kind of disease or something. You wouldn't want to catch it by air fucking her, right? Right. "Yeah! I need you to pop my cherry!" Wait, back and hold the fuck up! She's a virgin?! And she wants your giant cock to take that from her?!
"FUCK. YES." Her smile widens immeasurably and you're pretty sure you saw the sides of her lips tear open a little, butt fuck it, we're gettin' that holy poontang.
As soon as she turns around, presenting her hubba bubba bubble butt, you drop your pants. Actual puss, not air puss. For the love of all that is holy, yes. Your mind is ripped from the thought of a cumming Ginger Crotch, now its sole focus is dat ass. You line up the shot, prepping your above average length for humans ~~a lie you'd told Twilight and yourself~~ and prep to thrust.
Just as she turns around with a cherry in her hoof.
You don't notice and as soon as you impact with her juicy red, you release in ecstasy. The mixture of white and red proceeds to fill Pronka's waiting mouth and you sigh in content. Finally, some good fucking horse pu-what. You blink and you see Pronka's muzzle covered with a gooey pink substance, her face contorted in horror. You pull up your pants without a word and go back outside with pursed lips.
"Gonna get in a balaton of trouble for this one."
Author's Note
I have nothing to say. I'll fix it some other time, as if I ever do I guess.
Hate me later, I'm busy tonight.
