My little werewolf

i'm just pumping these things out, aren't i? well just a heads up, there seems to be a spacing issue during a conversation with a certain pink pony.... and i blame her for breaking the fourth wall. any ways, enjoy!

Anyway, I walked out of the forge, shield on my arm, sword on my belt….. and then I realized something. Well a few things, actually. First and foremost, if ponies have television…… then why the hell don’t they have guns? Seriously, am I the only one who’s thought of this? I mean, we had guns before we had television for Christ’s sake! The second thing was that my facial hair was growing in faster than it should, which I chalked up to being a werewolf. Legends say that we’re really damn hairy, so I figured that was it. The third and final thing was when I looked in the mirror, I no longer saw what I saw before. I didn’t see a weak, pitiful kid. I saw a strong, fearsome warrior…. who had lots of hair. Seriously, before I showed up here, my hair was short, military style, minimum facial hair. Now it was about shoulder length, and I had a beard(an honest to god beard! I’m sooo happy!) that was about down to my chest. I looked like a hero. I looked like the cavalry that comes riding in to save the day. And that’s what I was going to do. I continued walking, trying to find my way back to Rainbow and the others. I won’t lie, I was kinda warming up to her. My opinion of who was best pony was changing. But, I still couldn’t get my mind of the way she acted around me. Did she legitimately want to do that, or was she just fucking with me? I didn’t know, but I knew I’d know before this was over. I was really uneasy either way. The thought of a pony wanting to hop on it wasn’t exactly calming. Speaking of ponies, I bumped into Applejack on my way back. She was giving me a weird look… I don’t know wh-

“So…. Ah heard yer still a virgin….”……… I should have seen this coming. I really should have.

“Yeah…….. Is there a purpose to you mentioning that, other than making me feel like shit?” I said. I don’t know why, but whenever someone brought that up, I died a little inside….. Maybe it’s because all of my friends had already cashed in their V-card. Who knows?

“Ah also heard that Rainbow offered tah change that…”

“I see what you’re getting at now, look Applejack, it’s not gonna happen, alright? No matter how many times she offers it, my answer will stay the same; NO! it’s nothing personal against her, you have to understand that. I already explained it twice, so now I’m going to explain it to you in two words. Ya ready? SPECIES. BARRIER. It’s how I explained it to her, it’s how I’m explaining it to you. Humans and ponies aren’t supposed to do shit like that, you get it?” I ranted…. I admit, I was angrier than I should have been, but this whole subject was getting to me, and I just wanted to bury it next to my grandmother.

“Well now, mister touchy. Ah was jus’ comin’ tah tell ya that ya should be careful ‘round her. She’s got that look in her eye that says she ain’t gonna stop ‘till she gets what she wants. And right now, that seems tah be you. The fact that she’s been talkin’ tah Twi’ a lot today prolly ain’t good fer ya either.” she said. Which was just fucking great. Now I had to be paranoid about full moons, Rainbow Dash, AND Twilight fucking Sparkle…. This was turning out to be one hell of an adventure, that’s for sure.

“Thanks for that heads up, I’ll keep that in mind.” I told her as I walked away. The only thing that could make this worse wa-

“Hey!”…………”Hey!”……….”Listen!”…… oh dear god no…….”Just kidding, it’s me! Pinkie!”…. what did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall? “Well, I figured you’d be alright with it since I came to tell you something important!”…. alright……..“………..”…..........So?… “What?”
*sigh*you said you had something important to tell me, and I’m now about to run into a wall, so hurry it up. “Oh! Right, well, Dashie’s been talking to Twilight alllllot today, and I think they’re planning on turning you into a pony so that you can’t pull the species barrier card!”……………. “Hello?”…….. I’m alright with that, actually. What I’m not alright with is the fact that I ran into a wall while you were talking…. If you weren’t the element of laughter, I’d write you out of this story, you know that? “Yep! NowI’mgoingtogohelpDashiefindawaytomouthrapeyouagain,bye!” wait, what!?…. Shit…. Well, that was.. Odd.

“Hey Christian.”

“God damn it people, stop fucking showing up out of nowhere!” I said, turning around to see…… Rainbow dash….. Again….. Giving me this look….. “Sorry ‘bout that.. People just have a habit of comin’ out of nowhere today. So what’s up?” I said, feeling EXTREMELY uncomfortable with that stare… but I couldn’t look away…. Damn it, snap out of it! Alright, now that that’s done…

“Nothin’. just kinda wanted to talk.” rrriiigggghhhhhtt, and you totally didn’t want to mouth rape me again. “What was that?”

“Nothing.” shit, am I thinking out loud now!? This could be… problematic. “So, what did you wanna talk about?”

“Well, for one, I wanted to let you know you have to take on Discord yourself.”

“ponysaywhat now?” myself!? Are they fucking crazy!?

“Ha!! I’m just messin’ with ya. Don’t worry, me and the girls will have your back.” well that was…. Wait a minute….

“Aren’t I supposed to have your back? Considering you’re, oh, I don’t know, the ELEMENTS OF FUCKING HARMONY!” alright… that time my rage was justified, you have to admit. I mean, how would you react if the elements of harmony were you’re god damn back up, only there just in case you fail? Seriously?

“Hey, don’t look at me. Orders from Princess Celestia herself.” I was sssoooooo tempted to say ‘fuck Celestia’, but I knew how that would end. Tears. Mine. In all honesty, Luna’s way better. Let the hate mail… be sent. Anyway, I almost shit my pants at the prospect of fighting Discord. I mean, he could corrupt minds.. And he made me what I am now, so who’s to say he can’t take it away, and make me useless again? “Hey, don’t worry about it, you’ll be fine.” I just remembered she was here. That seems to be happening a lot. Oh well.

“I don’t know…. I mean, he can corrupt minds… what if he does it to me?” I asked. It was certainly possible…. And I didn’t want to think about what would happen if a corrupted werewolf was running around… I didn’t want to think about it.

“Then I’ll kick his flank, and get ya back to normal.” ya know… that was oddly comforting. I felt like I could legitimately trust Rainbow, even if she had some grand master plan to mouth rape me in the next five minut-

“DISTRACTION!!”

“What the fu-” I didn’t get to finish my sentence….. Again. Because Rainbow was mouth raping me…. Again. And you know what? Fuck it. I’ll just go with it this time. It actually wasn’t all that awkward. All I had to do was ignore the fact that she was a pony, and it reminded me of my first real kiss…. At least until I heard the sound of her wings shooting out. Then I cut it off, just due to laughter.

“Damn wingboners….. Always ruining my moments……” she mumbled a little bit. Loud enough for me to hear it, but barely.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect that to happen…. Oh my god… Oh my god… alright…. alright, I’m good now…. Oh shit, that was funny… I’m sorry, but I just can’t get over the fact that wingboners actually exist.” I said… still laughing my ass off. She, however, didn’t find it very funny. She was blushing and embarrassed, the whole nine yards.

“W-Well I’m glad you think it’s funny! We’re through!” she yelled, trotting away.

“Umm… Rainbow Dash?”

“….. yeah?” she asked, looking back hopefully…..

“You do realize we were never together…. Right?”

“…….. yeah……”

“And, that being the case, that you can’t break up with me…. Right?”

“………………………...yeah”

“………………just checkin’….. so… when are we gonna go take care of Discord? I wanna get this done and over with, so I can see if I’ll survive or not.” I said. I was actually curious to see how this played out…. But I was also worried. I didn’t want to wake up a few days from now, to find out I killed any of the elements of harmony. Especially….

“PLOT RELATED THING THAT I’M BLOCKING YOU ALL FROM HEARING BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT!!!” REALLY PINKIE!? REALLY? I swear, you do this because you know the story can’t go on without you….. But I swear to Celestia, when I find a way… you’re getting written out. Anyway, something is preventing me from repeating what I was going to say when SOMEPONY interrupted me, so I’m just going to continue the story.

“Yeah, that was one of the things I came to talk to you about. We’re leaving as soon as you’re ready.” she said, obviously having recovered from my little joke. Which was good.

“Well….. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. How long will it take us to get there?”

About a day. Not to long.” she said.

“Alright…. Just give me a minute…. I need to put my armor back on.” I said, heading towards the bedroom I had used the night before. I grabbed my armor and put it on, piece by piece(which was a painstaking process alone, let me tell ya) and was about to leave… when I decided to do one… last… thing. I drew my sword, placing the tip on the floor, and kneeling before it. “Oh heavenly father, I beseech thee, grant me strength of will and arm in the days to come, as I fight to defend a land that, while not of your creation, is pure. I fight an enemy similar to Satan, for he is a trickster, and a deceiver, and shall try to make me stray from my appointed path. I ask that you protect me, and my companions, from his trickery, that we may defeat him, and seal him away once again. I hath unleashed this evil upon the land, and it cost me my very soul, but I seek to repent my crimes, and make right the world again. I seek thy guidance, if thou are willing to give it. Amen.” I finished my little home made prayer(I only said it because, hey, not like it can hurt, right?), and felt invigorated, as if I could take on the world. I felt like a true hero, like someone that others should look at and be proud of. I wasn’t sure if it was simply a placebo effect, or if god had finally answered me, but I wasn’t going to question it. I sheathed my sword, and walked out again, in full armor. A hero was born.