My dream last night was exquisite, Dear Diary...
I was laying back on my bed, feeling at once both tensed and relaxed as the beautiful mare whose head I cradled between my legs filled me with passion, thrilling me with every little thing she did. And when she would look up at me through those dusty, half-lidded eyes, it felt as though my heart was going to explode. I threw my head back and closed my eyes as she continued her gentle, titillating work.

"Oh, thank you Luna..." I managed to say breathlessly. I could've sworn I saw her outside my window, giving a friendly wink. My distraction didn't last for long as the mare going down on me inched me ever closer to the finish line...

But just as I was about to cross it, my freakin' alarm went off.

I practically bolted upright out of bed, glancing around the room in multiple directions with each eye before they finally focused on the little round machine whose bells were ringing frantically on my nightstand.

"Six o'clock." I sighed. "Time to get ready for work."

Clam-jammed by my own alarm clock...

It's only a week until Hearts and Hooves Day, and that means the post office is busy. Lots of ponies are sending and receiving gifts and love letters from their admirers; some secret, some not so. Except for me, of course, but that's not what I'm writing about right now. I wanted to make sure I did an especially good job after that debacle last year with Big Mac and Sugar Belle... I felt terrible once I found out, but in my defense, the ink was still wet.

However, in my effort to perform better, I mostly just made myself tired. As the clock ticked towards noon, I was starting to nod off, and probably would've slumped over the desk asleep had it not been for Lyra showing up.

"Snap to it, Muffins!" she said, giving my mane a playful rustle with her hoof.

I raised my head and rattled my eyes to (sort of) focus on the minty unicorn in front of me.

"Oh, hey Lyra!" I said as the cobwebs slowly disappeared from my brain. "Nice to see you!"

"Same!" She replied in a chipper tone. "I'm actually expecting a package. Got anything with my name on it?"

I leaned down and rummaged through some boxes beneath the counter, picking up one and holding it a couple inches from my face. The shipping label was printed just large enough that I didn't need my magnifying glass.

"L-V-N-G? Is that you?"

She chuckled. "I'm living for now, at least. That says L-Y-R-A."

"Then that must be you, Miss Heartstrings!" I cheerily passed the box to her hooves. "Mind if I ask what's in it?"

"Oh, just a little something for Hearts and Hooves Day." Lyra grinned.

I leaned forward on an elbow. "Ooh, do tell!"

She chuckled and blushed somewhat, lowering her voice to speak to me alone. "I ordered it from a boutique in Canterlot. It's a little lace camisole, you can just about see through it. Gonna put it on and wait on the bed for Bon Bon to open her present."

I gave a long whistle and fanned myself with a wing. "Lyra's gettin' saucy! Well, I'm sure Bon Bon will love it!"

Lyra smiled broadly, scrunching up her reddened face. "I can't wait!"

"Hey Lyra, my shift ends in about 15 minutes here. Do you wanna grab lunch?"

"Well sure, Derp, that sounds great. Let me go put this away someplace safe and I'll meet you back here."

The two of us sat outside in the courtyard of one of Ponyville's cafés. Lyra was giving some remark about how she liked what this place did with their hay, but my mind was honestly too preoccupied with a banana nut muffin to hear her. She gave a chuckle upon snapping me out of my food-induced trance and continued poking idly at her salad.

"So Derpy," she spoke between bites "what are your plans for Hearts and Hooves Day? Have you gotten any presents yet?"

"Well..." I brushed crumbs from my muzzle as one eye awkwardly decided to do its own thing. "I got the usual yearly card from my little brother telling me how awesome I am, all covered in crayon and glitter, but not much else. As for plans, I don't really have any. I've got nopony to be lovey-dovey with, and all my friends are busy with... well, you know what with." Lyra chuckled once more as she was reminded of her heated ambitions.

"I dunno." I continued. "Maybe I'll look for a good book to read. Nice large text, probably romantic..."

My stray eye sure seemed interested in something over towards the café. Very quickly, I glanced the other one over to see what the commotion was, and very quickly I realized it: there she was, the mare from my dream, standing over in line. Soft green fur, long reddish mane styled into dreadlocks, and an overall peaceful aura: it was Treehugger, all right.

Ever since I first laid crossed eyes upon her, I was smitten. Sure, I'd seen mares I thought were beautiful before, even ones I could've seen myself with, but it wasn't until I met Treehugger that I was truly attracted to one of my own sex. I admired her lax personality, the way she saw the world and lived in it in her own, leisurely pace (which, being a postal worker, I envied.) She was kind and gentle to other ponies and to nature, and she saw things differently than everypony else. She was charming in a passive way. She couldn't be bothered. She was surreal, she was new-age, she was mysterious, and that turned me on. Not to mention she was quite physically beautiful. I often attended the art classes where she would pose as the subject just to feel close to her on an intimate level. Sure, my paintings weren't very good, but that's what happens when you're trying to watch your work with one eye and your model with the other.

I quickly blushed and turned my eyes back to my food. Lyra noticed this quite easily.

"I saw that." She said with a friendly smirk.

"What?"

"I saw how you were eyeing Treehugger over there."

"Pfft--what? Nooo, I..."

"You want a piece of that, don't you?"

"Oh, Lyra, you're so quick to go there!" I scratched the back of my neck, lowering my snout to try and hide the redness upon it. "I mean, I certainly wouldn't mind, but like, even just a hug would be great, I mean... I'm not... I...hrm..."

Lyra rolled her eyes, something I desperately wish was easier for me to do. "Oh, come on, Derpy, I've known you for years. I knew you had a thing for mares the first time you, me, and Bon Bon went to the spa together."

I shot straight up in my seat, cheeks aflame. I mean, I knew that she knew, but I didn't figure she'd found out that early.

"You got super awkward when Aloe started rubbing you down. Plus, I saw how you'd sneak peeks and mine and Bon Bon's butts."

Well. This was awkward.

I gave a borderline violent cough and fanned my tomato-colored face with my wings. "Y~yeah, um... so sorry about that. I, hehe... I, uh... I hadn't been out of high school very long, and I was starting to discover myself..."

"Oh no, it's fine!" Lyra said with a smile. "Neither of us minded it. In fact, it kinda made us feel cute!" Both of us had a good laugh over it, though I still felt embarrassed as all heck. I nearly emptied a glass of water to cool myself down.

"That being said though, I really like stallions too." I said. "In fact, aside from Treehugger, there's really only one other pony I have a crush on, and he is just as compelling."

"Oh, we know." Lyra said with another smile, jutting a hoof back over her shoulder. Trotting down the street in the distance was Doctor Whooves; indeed, she'd guessed correct. He was cute as a button, and just as awkward at times as me. He was also smart, friendly, and downright debonair when he wanted to be. We'd been friends for many years, but whenever I tried to drop hints his way that I was interested, he'd get too embarrassed and shrink away. Sweet Celestia, I'm surprised he didn't faint when I got playful under the mistletoe at my Hearth's Warming party.

"You... you know?" I said, somewhat surprised. The blush was starting to come back again.

"Oh, not just me. Bon Bon, Octavia, Vinyl, we all know, and it didn't take you kissing him under the mistletoe for us to figure it out!"

I smiled broadly, my eyebrows curled up with slight concern. "How long have you known?"

"Since Cranky and Matilda's wedding." Lyra confessed. "Bon Bon and I saw how close you two stuck to each other and we started having suspicions."

"THAT long?!" My jaw dropped. "But I had barely figured it out then!"

"You don't exactly spend the entire ceremony and reception with your guy friend and expect your girlfriends not to get suspicious."

I bit my lip a little and turned away. "Well you don't go around calling your best friend your 'BEEEST' 'FRIEND' and expect your friends not to realize you two are WAY more than just friends." I gave the words "best friend" my best air-quotes with my hooves.

Lyra pondered this for a second or two, then shrugged. "Yeah, admittedly we weren't very subtle about it."

"It was the eyes that gave it away."

"But those were the days when we were first falling in love. We could barely keep our hooves off each other. We were pretty fresh to the world, just like you. At least nopony who knows about us has threatened to run us out of town... yet."

"Well, they'll have to go through me if they do." I turned back and smiled at Lyra, who leaned across the table to hug me.

"Derpy, if you really like Treehugger and Doc that much, why don't you ask one of them on a date for Hearts and Hooves Day?"

"That's just the thing, Lyra: I don't know who to choose. I really like them both, and I can see myself with either of them long-term. I want to do this right and do it once."

"Oh..." Lyra said, her zeal fading. "You want a forever pony, then?"

"I think so, yes." My nod and look of seriousness was somewhat undercut by my eye drifting randomly about.

"Hmm..." The mint green mare scratched her chin in thought. "Well, how about this? In the days leading up to Hearts and Hooves, you can spend a few days with both of them. Two or three dates each should be enough to figure out their best qualities, and then you can decide which one you want to spend the holiday with."

A candle lit above my head.

"You know, Lyra, that's not your worst idea ever. I think it might work!"

"Oh no, definitely not my worst." She replied with a massive eye roll. "That was probably when Bon Bon and I saw Cirque du Poney perform in Las Pegasus, then thought we could pull off that kind of flexibility in the hotel room..." She drew in a sharp breath of air through her teeth, mentally wincing. "...needless to say, we both had to go see a doctor after that."

I shook my head, a playful smile of disapproval on my face. I sighed with a pfft. "Lyra, be honest with me: once you and Bon Bon started dating, how quickly did you start having sex?"

Lyra furrowed her brow, looking skyward and tapping her hoof on the table in an exercise of mental mathematics. She mumbled some dates to herself under her breath, trying to figure how long they'd been together at the time, as they had been friends much longer than partners. Finally, she turned her gaze back to me.

"About a week and a half."

"A WEEK AND A HALF?!"

Author's Note

...That beginning was the closest thing to clop I've ever written, and it's the closest you'll ever see me write!
In all seriousness though, what's a Valentine's fic without a little tease?
Happy Hearts & Hooves Day, everypony!
Month of Lurve 2019