“Cadance… this is fucking ridiculous.”

The alicorn just rolled her eyes, before laughing at her husband.

“Oh Shining, we’ll never get caught. Besides, we kinda rule this place. Remember? It’s not like anything would happen anyway. I’m a fuckin’ alicorn princess and you’re, well, just a unicorn prince. I guess that counts for something.”

Shining Armor rolled his eyes as he watched the apple of his eye chuckle. “Yeah, yeah. Just a Captain-of-the-Royal-Guard kind of prince.”

Cadance just brushed a wing in the stallion’s face to emphasize her point. He just rolled his eyes again. She could be a real cocky bitch sometimes, but he loved her nonetheless. She was still usually pretty awesome, and he had to admit she lived up to her title as the Princess of Love.

She was also fucking hot as hell and great in the sack. Nothing was too kinky for her.

“And besides, I practically, like, own it anyway. It matches my cutie mark!”

Princess Cadance and Shining Armor stood next to the pale-blue Crystal Heart, revolving between its giant crystal stalagmite and stalactite as usual. It was three in the morning on a Tuesday night, and literally, nopony elsewas out. Except for the crystal guards, but screw them. Like all the guards in Equestria, they all looked the same. No wonder mares were too bored of them for those clones of each other to ever get some tail.

On this particular night for some reason, they weren’t guarding the Crystal Heart like they were supposed to. They were probably sucking each other off in some alleyway nearby. I mean at this hour especially it’s not like they had anything better to do, and they’d been caught doing it before...

With the exception of some giant disaster like when their newborn alicorn baby decides to have a crying fit that destroys the Crystal Heart or some random tyrant with no backstory or personality tries to fuck up the place, nothing ever happened here. Well, I guess the Equestria Games, but that nearly killed everypony in the Empire too. Good thing this vertically-challenged baby dragon from Ponyville everypony here wanted to suck off could hop further than ponies on the Crystal Empire track team and melt some shit up with fire-breath.

Cadance and Shining Armor banged pretty much every night anyway, but on this particular evening, the princess was in heat. No really, she actually wanted to stick anything that looked remotely like a penis inside her vajayjay to ease her thoroughly burning loins. Though the Princess of Love, who was like 35 and had a daughter, was capable of acting like a total slut at any time, estrus time was truly a sight to behold.

In times past, Cadance and Shining Armor had done everything in the book to get through estrus. From fucking all night in a broom closet literally using brooms (use your imagination), to having four-ways with a couple members of the Crystal Empire track team.

But as her heat returned tonight, this was something special. None of that stuff would suffice now and the princess knew it. She had to think outside the box. She had to take her next sexual experience to the next level. And for Princess Cadance, that was really saying something for the sexy mare. She wasn’t the Princess of Love for nothin’. In fact, it was kinda amazing she’d only been knocked up once.

“Oh come on, Shining. Like we haven’t done crazy shit like this before!” the princess declared probably a little louder than she should have.

“Yeah, but nothing like this!” Shining replied with a not-so-subtle hint of discontentment, “This is the fucking stupidest idea you’ve ever thought of!”

Cadance ran a hoof along the Crystal Heart, the ancient relic a legend across Equestria for spreading light and love and protecting the Empire from evil.

“But Shiny, it totally kinda looks a dick with huge balls!”

Shining knew his wife wasn’t thinking straight, but this was a whole new level of stupid he now had to put up with.

“Honey, are you kidding me? It’s a fucking heart!”

“More like a pointy chode with gigantic nuts. And right now you have no idea how much I need to be stretched like that! You know you could totally use that as a strap-on with me!”

Rolling his eyes again, he knew reasoning with Cadence like this was pretty much impossible, but he persisted.

“Cadance… If we take the Crystal Heart out of its place there, somepony’s definitely gonna notice! It might cause a panic! You can’t really be serious right now...”

The princess just continued staring lustfully at the relic. “Not if we take it for, like, just a little bit Shiny. Come on it’s fuckin’ three AM. You know as well as I do none of those dumb guards are gonna notice. They’re supposed to be here right now for Celestia’s sake!”

Shining couldn’t argue with that. After a few more seconds of pondering, the prince sighed.

“Ugh fine. But let’s make this quick. Where are we gonna do this? We at least can’t do this in public. Or the castle. A guard will definitely see us walking around with that in there.”

Cadance looked off into the dark with bedroom eyes. “How about the library? There’s definitely nopony in that place right now! And that would be soooo naughty!”

The stallion’s jaw dropped. “The library? Seriously Cadance? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

There was no arguing with this horny bitch though, as the royal alicorn slut levitated the Crystal Heart out of its usual resting spot and waltzed out into the dark streets. She periodically rubbed her dripping marehood with her tail as she fantasized about what that big hunk of crystal would feel like inside of her.

Shining just shook his head before following her into the darkness.

Since there was nothing to do for fun other than bang in the Crystal Empire, obviously there were no crystal ponies out at this hour. They were all asleep or, well, fucking as made obvious by the occasional moan from the houses. That’s just the way it was in good ol’ C-town. Or is C-town Canterlot? Who gives a shit.

It wasn’t a long walk, and within a few minutes, the rulers of the Crystal Empire arrived at the front door of the library.

The door was locked but screw that. They could just teleport inside. So they did.

They appeared in the front parlor of the library with all its ornate splendor. The building was multileveled with many staircases, and many large tables dotted the floor. Giant shelves of books lined pretty much all the walls.

Even when this place was open, almost nopony ever came in here anyway other than the old librarian, Sunburst, and Princess Twilight on a visit. The bored and horny ponies here really were just too busy jumping the bones to spend time reading these dusty old books.

Cadance strutted towards a table in the middle of the room, the Crystal Heart by her side.

“Now this will do nicely!” the mare uttered with glee.

Shining Armor simply followed with a sigh, resigned to let his wife do anything she wanted at this point.

Cadance approached the table. “We’ll need something to attach the heart to your waste, Shiny. Go look in the librarian’s desk for something.

Sighing and resigned to his lustfully insane wife’s desires, Shining trotted over to the front desk and hopped over. The ornate crystally desk contained many shimmery drawers. It might take forever to find something, and he did not want to keep his princess waiting when she was like this…

The stallion used his magic and opened the first drawer on the top right, his eyes stunned to see like ten rolls of duct tape in there. No really, that’s literally all there was in the drawer. Just out of curiosity, Shining opened the next drawer below and a there had to be about ten rolls of duct tape in there too. This librarian must have been into some weird shit…

Shuddering at the thought, the prince levitated a roll out of the first drawer and quickly walked away. Let’s add theft to the list of stupid shit the rulers of the Crystal Empire were up to tonight why don’t we. Shining Armor approached his concupiscent wife, seeing that she had hopped up onto the library table and was now lying on her back prodding the tip of the Crystal Heart into her dripping marehood with a hoof.

Her eyes lit up at the site of her husband. “What took you so fucking long?”

“Are you serious? I was gone for like two minutes.” Shining replied as he rolled his eyes.

“That’s two minutes too long to keep your mare waiting.” Cadance retorted.

“What? But you…”

Shining Armor just shut his mouth after that. Remember kids, a happy wife is a happy life.

Seeing the role of duct tape levitating in the air, a smile amassed itself on the princess’s lips.

“That’ll do nicely, Shiny. Now here’s what we’ll do. You’re going to tape the top of the Crystal Heart right above your waste to fuck my pussy with, and you’re gonna use your long hard cock to fuck me in the ass at the same time. Got it?”

Cadance wasn’t asking him to do it, it was an order. And there was no disobeying an order from a horny pony princess...

Shining simply nodded, not saying a word as he levitated the cherished relic from the front of his wife’s hips and revealing her dripping slit. She slid herself forward to the edge of the table as her husband pressed the heart up to his lower waist and ripped a few pieces of tape with magic and attached the heart to himself. As he stared at his wife’s love canal, the now pretty aroused stallion’s member began to slide out of its sheath.

Any thoughts of how utterly stupid this idea was quickly evaporated from the stallion’s mind as he watched his wife pleasure herself with a hoof a foot in front of him and moan. It only took a few more seconds for the stallion’s cock to be at full length.

With a final check with a hoof to make sure the Crystal Heart was firmly stuck to himself, Shining Armor hopped up with his two front hooves and positioned the heart and his rock-hard dick towards the respective holes of his wife.

“You ready, honey?”

“Do I even have to reply? Fuckin’ double-impale me! Now!” the mare responded in a desperately needy tone.

The huge stallion shifted his weight forwards as he guided the tip of the Crystal Heart into the mare’s awaiting winking folds. At the same time, with a hoof Shining guided his shaft into his wife’s ass since his view of it was blocked by the heart.

Both ponies gasped as they began their ridiculously naughty act, especially Cadance though since she was, well, getting double-penetrated with literally a magical rock and a large cock at once.

“Oh by Celestia fuck… FUCK! That feels so good!” Cadance moaned in a high pitch.

The mare continued to moan louder and louder as she was stretched further and further. Especially her pussy since the Crystal Heart was kinda a lot wider than any pony cock. Shining’s cock was great, but this…. This was something else. Not only was she being stretched and satisfying her heat like never before, but the absurdity of the act totally turned the mare on like never before too.

This was the Crystal Empire though, so maybe it wasn’t really that absurd. Anywhere else in Equestria they might have been concerned about somepony hearing them. But since jack shit ever happened here and hearing moans at any time was commonplace anyway, there was definitely nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

Shining Armor let out a soft moan as well as he fit about half of the heart into his wife’s love-tunnel and nearly all of his cock into her ass.

“You know honey, I have to admit this is all pretty hot. Like hotter than when we dressed up as timberwolves—”

“Just shut up and fuck me already you slow asshole! Can’t you see I’m in heat here?” Cadance interjected.

Shining just chuckled a little as he pulled both of the rock hard sexual entities attached to his crotch, before shoving back in as hard as he could. The alicorn let out another resounding moan that echoed off the walls, now in absolute heaven as her stallion DPed her on the library table. He started relatively slow but quickly picked up the pace as he realized it was safe for his wife.

Shining quickly entered heaven as well as he banged his wife like never before, the two regals now instinctively bucking their hips together. Cadance’s tongue hung out to the side as she stared off half-lidded into nowhere in particular. The stallion reached out a hoof to caress his wife’s lengthy multicolored mane.

After one huge thrust, the princess’s golden crown fell off her immaculate coiffeur and onto the library floor. Neither pony cared though, lost in lust for one another.

There the two were, using a priceless and important ancient magical relic to get one another off. Shining was literally fucking his wife with a giant heart since they were so in love too. It was totally one of the hottest sights anypony could ever lay their eyes upon.

Their moans increased with volume as they both neared climax, ready to literally spill their love all over the library table and floor.

Out of nowhere, a loud rumbling noise reverberated from the blue shimmery floor next to them. The two suddenly sexually disappointed points averted their attention to the commotion below them.

CRACK!

With a bang, the floor split open next to them. The rulers of the Empire watched in horror as withering black smoke meandered out of the crack, forming a black cloud above the ground. Almost as quickly as that happened, a large pony emerged from the cloud. As well as a spade.

It was a large dark-grey stallion unicorn with a flowing black mane and tail, donning metal armor on his chest and hooves and a lavish crimson cloak on his back. A grey crown-tiara-headband thing (I don’t know what to call it) adorned his head. A wide smile was amassed on the imposing stallion’s face.

“Behold! I, the great King Sombra, have returned to claim what’s mine!” the regal stallion spoke in his trademarked submarine-low deep voice.

Shining Armor’s jaw dropped in shock at the sight. However, Cadance just stared at the ominous black stallion with half-lidded bedroom eyes.

King Sombra stepped forward, beaming with a sadistic grin at the lewd couple. “Ah, I see you two pathetic ponies they call the new ‘rulers’ of my empire are being degenerate as usual. Makes it only too easy to destroy you!”

Shining Armor pulled himself out of his wife and fired a magic beam at the evil king with his horn, but he simply deflected it away with a spell of his own.

The prince was beside himself. “B...But the heart,” he looked down at the glowing Crystal Heart taped to his lower waist, “It protects the Empire from evil!”

“Fools! The giant bubble only protects the Empire above ground! All I had to do was dig a hole underneath the city to get back in!” the king roared.

Meanwhile, Cadance slid off the table and stood up on all fours, slowly ambling towards King Sombra as the two stallions glared at one another.

Shining attempted to shoot another magical beam at the king, but he simply deflected it away again.

“You’re supposed to be dead. You disintegrated when we found and powered the Crystal Heart!”

King Sombra just guffawed at that. “You silly pony! Nopony actually dies in Equestria!”

“But...”

“You never actually literally see or hear about it happen, so clearly it doesn’t! After I was banished I went on a soul-seeking journey around Equestria!”

Cadance continued to inch closer to the king. Shining Armor’s expression changed from anger to one of puzzlement.

“But what about Applejack’s parents?”

“They’re not dead, they live the good life in Las Pegasus now after winning the Equestria Lottery Powerball! I saw them ther—”

King Sombra went wide-eyed as Princess Cadance catapulted herself into the black unicorn, locking lips with the alicorn as she wrapped her front hooves around his neck.

Utterly confused, Sombra tried to struggle at first. But then it dawned on the evil king. He hadn’t gotten some tail in forever. Not since his last queen left him in the Empire like 200 years ago. In fact, after he was banished he spent like an entire year just jerking off in a cave in the frozen wastes outside the Empire. Yeah, you could say he was sexually repressed.

Realizing this, the stallion kissed back. The princess licked his lips, as if begging for entrance to his mouth, and the king soon obliged as their tongues danced around in their respective mouths.

Shining Armor just stood there watching, not sure whether to feel really angry, confused, or just kinda sad. This proved that his wife was an utterly insane whore in heat, but then again the site was definitely pretty fuckin’ hot. His increasingly flaccid member quickly became rock-hard again.

He knew the right thing to do was magically call the royal guards… but as if compelled by testosterone-induced instincts, all rational thought left him and the white unicorn approached his wife’s backside. The glowing Crystal Heart still taped onto him, he mounted his wife as she continued to ferociously make out with King Sombra. Without hesitation, he pushed forward and double-penetrated his wife once again, this time the Crystal Heart in her ass and his cock in her soaking wet pussy.

Cadance’s eyes lit up with pleasure as his husband got in on the action. After a couple more minutes of making out, Cadance broke the kiss to Sombra’s disappointment.

That didn’t last long though, the mare grinning deviously at the king.

“Mmm… Lay on your back.”

Sombra just nodded, falling onto his back and revealing his black and now crystal-hard phallus.

“I bet… oh… I bet you haven’t had anypony do this for you in a while.” Cadance mumbled seductively between moans.

The black unicorn just shook his head as the alicorn licked his tip, a bit of salty pre having already formed at the tip. Cadance then engulfed his cock into her needy hungry maw as Shining Armor continued to plow her from behind. She moaned loudly as he swirled her tongue around his member, taking in all the tastes of the stallion and the aroma of sex in the air.

Cadance was thoroughly enjoying getting naughtily fucked and stretched by three cocks at once. Well, sort of.

Sombra let out a light moan as well as started bucking his hips into the princess’s mouth in sync with Shining Armor’s thrusts from behind. It was quite the sexy sight indeed.

Continuing like this for a few more minutes, the three ponies neared their respective orgasms.

Cadance nearly screamed as the mare was the first to go over the edge. She reached her ultimate climax as electric shock-like pleasure emanated from the mare’s loins and ass to all over her body, her love canal clamping down on Shining’s member. She bobbed her head up and down Sombra’s length with fervor as she rode out an orgasm like never before.

Shining Armor was next, letting out a loud husky moan as he came, unbelievable pleasure reverberating from his cock as shot spurt after spurt of warm spunk past the mare’s cervix and into the depths of her womb as he continued to thrust vehemently.

King Sombra was last, as Cadance was now deep-throating him at a pace the black stallion had never laid eyes on before. He let out a deep groan as he released his own cum into the awaiting mare’s throat, which she was only too happy to swallow in whole.

After a few more seconds of intense orgasmic bliss and hip-bucking, the euphoria finally died down and the three ponies gradually ceased their movements.

Still joined together, Sombra was the first to speak. “That… That was the best head I’ve ever gotten!”

Cadence smiled as she pulled her head off the member. “Why thank you. You know, instead of banishing you again, we might have some use for you at the castle…”

The alicorn once again gazed at the king with devious half-lidded eyes. He gulped, not exactly what she was getting at. But he had a hunch. A hunch that would have been totally dope to be true…

After cleaning up the mess they had made, the three ponies magically repaired the crack in the ground before exiting the library. They put the Crystal Heart back in its place. Of course, nopony had noticed its absence.

Those guards really were useless at night.

As they snuck through the castle to avoid guards, the three ponies made their way to the royal bedchambers. There Cadance laid out her offer to King Sombra. In the spirit of the salacious Crystal Empire, he was to be her royal concubine, always at her beck and call when she was horny. The black unicorn was all too happy to agree, all thoughts of wanting to rule this place having vanished after that immaculate blowjob. He also would have been sent to Tartarus if he didn’t agree to it, so there’s that too.

King Sombra lay on the royal bed. “You know, maybe I should have hidden the Crystal Heart somewhere better than inside the castle if I didn’t want somepony to find it. Like maybe in some random place a hundred miles away under a thousand feet of snow in the frozen wastes…”

“Yeah…” Cadance countered as the alicorn licked her lips, the princess crawling up the bed to the king’s awaiting member and giving the entire shaft a soft lick. “But you know this tongue is better than ruling this silly empire…”

Without hesitation, Sombra just nodded and moaned as the horny mare took his whole length into her mouth.

And... nothing really went wrong with Cadance’s plan, as promised. Love and light were now stronger than ever in the Empire as the horny princess now had two huge stallion boy-toys to play with any time she wanted. What more could you want in life?

Author's Note

I don't know what I was thinking.