Magical horses and the anti-magical rod

KABOOM!

Your uncle once told you that if a house seems unreasonably cheap, you should look for another one, because there is always a reason. Always.

Unlike you, your uncle was a wise man. You, however, were dumb enough to buy a piece of property in Ponyville. Hoping that Twilight will fix the problem eventually, whatever that problem is, you turn to the other side and try to doze off again.

KABOOM!

Sometimes Ponyville throws such a massive clusterfuck of a problem at Twilight that she has to use the Elements, which is some sort of an orbital laser thing and requires about half of a day to charge. To be honest, you are not entirely sure how it works, but your self-preservation instinct suggests you to stay as far away as possible from any tactical monster-destroying weapons, just in case they'll have difficulties with recognizing you as a non-monster.

KABOOM!

There are several things you don't like about the Elements.

First, they never solve the problem immediately. Can't Twilight keep them pre-charged? Is she too concerned about her electricity bill? Sometimes the problem manages to destroy like half of the town before Twi blasts it away.

Second, you see them even when they go off hundreds of miles away. An indiscriminate orbital bombardment visible from the other end of the country doesn't sound nearly as fun when you are staying on the same planet as the target.

And third, while you were living with Fluttershy, every time the elements went off, she was nowhere to be found at least until the next day. You don't like things that scare your first friend in Equestria so much that she runs off and doesn't want to talk about it later.

KABOOM!

And now your windows rattle too as if it's getting closer. You should probably at least check what it is before deciding if you have to run away in panic or something. Scratching your butt, you go to the window and open the blinds. Apparently, it's almost noon already, and the weather looks nice. You see a rainbow blur accelerating across the sky, and you are happy to see that your new friend is doing fine. You knew she wouldn't be one of those mares who stay unconscious until the evening. Such a silly fluffy mare.

Suddenly, the mare explodes with an enormous rainbow-colored shockwave.

KABOOM!

You could pick literally any other town in this country, except for Stalliongrad which you are banned from. Surely there should be towns where mares don't explode.

An orange mare runs past your house towards the rainbow blur, which is trying to accelerate again. You think you hear some muffled profanities through the window. The blur stops for a moment and moves closer to the ground. The orange mare throws a lasso, catches the nuclear pegasus with it on the first try and drags her away. You wish both of them luck.

Yet another pleasant day in Ponyville.

You do your morning routine, skipping the shaving part. Definitely not because Cheesy wants to see your beard and you can't say no to her. There are other objective reasons. Literally dozens of them. Like, for example, the fact that you don't have an extra shaving set in your bathroom upstairs. And you can't get it from the bathroom downstairs because... because reasons, that's why.

Since you have a two-day old stubble now, you absolutely have to dress properly to avoid looking like a hobo. The selection of your clothes is not too impressive, but you are moderately sure you had a nice long-sleeved shirt somewhere around here that shouldn't be smelling too bad. You look on your floor. You look under the bed. You even look inside your wardrobe, just in case you put it there by mistake. You sigh.

And this, this is why mares should not be upstairs, where all your shit is stored. The shirt is gone, and the kidnapper didn't even leave a ransom note. With dread, you look at your bathrobe, which is currently crumpled on the floor near the bedside table. Why couldn't mares take your damn bathrobe instead? Ok, focus, time to be rational. This is just a bathrobe. It's neither cursed nor possessed. The events of the last two days have absolutely nothing to do with it, and nothing can possibly go wrong if you wear it one more time.

Some random black cat walks across your window sill.

Hmm...

You hear flapping wings and ominous crow noises.

Hmm...

The calendar shows it's Friday 13th.

Hmm...

Oh crap, you were sure it's still Thursday, but apparently, you have to visit that teacher mare today. How do these weekdays keep sneaking on you every time? You temporary (temporary!) put your bathrobe on and go downstairs.

The furniture in your house is a bit too large for ponies, so Cheesy Soul is standing on her hind hooves while she chops vegetables with a large, human-scale knife in her hoof, almost like an earth pony would, humming some happy tune. She is also wearing your shirt like a lab coat, with sleeves rolled up all the way to her elbows. This little thief! No matter how sexy she looks in it, and how hard your penis gets, you need that shirt. You have to look presentable today!

"Cheesy?"

"Nani?" she asks while twisting her back and her neck to look into your eyes in a perfect Shaft Head Tilt if you saw one. Did she say what you think she did? Nah, surely you've misheard.

While waiting for your answer, Cheesy absent-mindedly spins a large knife on her hoof a few times. You gulp. You know what, who needs that stupid shirt anyway? You spoke with royalty wearing your bathrobe, surely a school teacher wouldn't mind it too. In fact, it's quite cozy and feels pleasant on the skin.

"J-just wanted to say that the shirt looks great on you."

"Your appreciation has been noted," she replies in her deep, velvety voice. Good, that probably means she knows what she is doing with the vegetables and won't accidentally destroy your kitchen while cooking in her foal-mode. Foals always destroy kitchens, Rarity had told you as much. After maintaining her strong and independent image for about 3.7 more seconds she adds, "it smells like you and makes me feel less anxious about being alone. I hope you could forgive me that I took it."

"S-sure, feel free to keep it," and just like this, you've lost another battle. Your army has to retreat again as the enemy pillages your strategic shirt reserves.

"Why are you holding the knife like this?" you ask out of curiosity.

The chopping sound stops for a second, and then resumes as the mare replies, "You know, at some point, I almost forgot I was a unicorn once. Living without a horn for a few years would do that to a mare."

A big salad bowl slowly lifts up from your shelf and flows towards Cheesy, surrounded in a red glow. Pinkish-red glow, a lot less menacing than you remember it. So, that also had changed, huh? The mare continues with warmth in her voice, "who knew that a handsome alien will give me my magic back by slamming his huge, throbbing, insatiable cock into my small, delicate flower?"

She switches her weight from one hind leg to another and swishes her tail, lifting her shirt (your shirt!) just enough to make you horny. This little devil, she knows exactly what she is doing to you, and you would bet ten bits that she is smirking right now.

Noon or not, it's too early for this shit. You pour yourself some coffee, probably made by the mares after the orgy, and start looking around for any natural sources of milk. Damn, you overslept, and it wasn't your pile, so there are no mares around except for Cheesy, whose boobs didn't expand at all. With faint hope, you look at your ceiling fan. Roseluck is half-napping there. She lazily looks at you, stretches, and allows you to pick her up. What would you do without her? Should you just offer her to move in permanently, rent free? She can move her flower business here as well, you wouldn't mind at all.

Today her crotchboobs are quite a bit smaller, as they are slowly returning to their normal state, but you still get enough milk for your coffee, and then there is some more left. As you lift Roseluck in your arms to suck her teats, you notice that the chopping sound has stopped some time ago. You lift your eyes and see Cheesy observing you with curiosity. No sharp objects in hooves? Check. Wiggling tail? Check. Ok, it's safe to breathe now, she is a foal again.

"May I have some?" she asks, squeaking just a little bit.

You look at Roseluck. She shrugs, but then smiles deviously and exposes herself towards Cheesy.

What happens next will be forever burned into your retinas and saved for possible lonely evenings when you'll have to entertain yourself without the luxury of internet access. You are pretty sure that Roseluck in your hands tries to look as sexy as possible, putting her forelegs behind her head and twisting her hips, while Cheesy demonstrates that pony tongues are far, far superior to human ones. Actually, why are you even bothering with holding Roseluck in your hands? If you let her go, she probably won't even fall on your laps thanks to your boner alone. Roseluck's brown nipples are being sucked, licked and kissed in every way possible before the black mare gives one last kiss between the boobs, says "Kthxbye!" and proceeds to chop the salad like nothing happened.

Breathing in. Breathing out. No, bad Anon. Stop thinking about these two mares, you have an important mission today. You put Roseluck onto the chair and leave to check the donation box, a.k.a. your primary source of income.

You never asked your mares for any payment and were actually doing some proper jobs around the town when all this craziness had started. Turns out, even if not every pony is as generous as Rarity, some of them feel really grateful for your "medical services" and insist on paying you back. You were resisting, arguing, and even kicking ponies out of your house until one day you discovered that somepony had built some sort of a mix between a large chest and a small shrine outside of your house overnight (with a concrete foundation and shit), labeled it as "donation box" and left an equivalent of your monthly salary inside. You have no idea who exactly pays you and how much, and more importantly, how can a society exist where no one is looting a literal unguarded treasure chest that just sits in the open outside of your house, but the fact is, you are actually quite rich by now. Too bad that there is absolutely nothing you would like to do with all this money, so you just stockpile it on your account. Crap, more jewelry today. It's such a pain in the ass to go and appraise it to pay the correct amount of income tax. Why is your life so hard?

Cheesy generously shares her salad bowl with you while you generously share your plans for the day in exchange, and both of you are brainstorming the problem. There is a mare, and she needs your help (in form of your dick). However, you were a total dick to her before, so in the worst-case scenario, she may refuse your help out of pride. Or not. You know almost nothing about the mare except that she is lonely, works as a teacher and lives next to her school. Will she be happy to see you? Will she slap your cheek (or, considering the height difference, punch your balls) instead? She is an earth pony, so you would prefer to not be punched in the balls. Cheesy is happy to assist you but doesn't really know how.

"Cheerilee likes wildflowers, Lunar poetry, and rock climbing," says a voice from the ceiling. Damn, you missed the moment Roseluck had climbed on your ceiling fan again. You know that if this continues, you will lose your sleep over thinking about how does she do that.

Roseluck helps you with the plan. It's absolutely brilliant, and by now you are sure Roseuck is your personal ceiling-dwelling guardian angel. With Cheesy Soul in hands, you go towards the schoolhouse to scout the area.

Ok, looks good. In about an hour the lessons will be over, you will get some flowers by then, and...

Cheesy Soul jumps off your hands and runs after a butterfly. Crap, that wasn't in the plan. Cheesy jumps around several times until the butterfly lands on a flower a few steps away from her. Then Cheesy leans close to the ground, raises her butt, and starts wiggling like a big cat getting ready for a jump. Cheesy lifts one foreleg. The wiggling intensifies. Cheesy lifts another foreleg, and darts forward, but the damage is already done, as your cock got so hard that you could hang and hold a kettle dumbbell on it.

"Hurry up, little ones, you don't want to make the princess wait! You know she is never late to her appointments," says a cheerful warm voice as a school door opens.

Oh no, not the innocent children! You quickly turn around and get ready to run in the opposite direction, but see Twilight and her witch friend blocking your path as they approach the school from your emergency retreat route. You quickly turn back, but the school door already pours dozens of tiny, innocent foals on the playground in front of it. You are surrounded, and the stupid bathrobe is absolutely useless when it comes to covering your raging boner.

MUST PROTECT THE CHILDREN! You quickly sit on the ground and hide the boner with your legs. Crap, now you look super weird.

"Psst, Cheesy! Help!"

She is confused, so she moves closer to you. You grab her, cross your legs in a nice and totally not suspicious lotus pose, and plop Cheesy on top of them. Her ears perk up immediately.

"Please hide my dick, I don't want to die in prison," you whisper into her ear. As she raises her brow at you, you quickly clarify, "not like that, just lie down on it or something!"

Cheesy grunts, trying not to laugh, but relaxes on your legs, hiding your boner with her belly. You adjust her lab coat (also known as your shirt in its previous life) to properly cover as much as possible, and pretend to enjoy the weather.

"Miss Cheerilee, why is Anon sitting in the middle of the playground?"

"Why indeed," asks a mare who is slowly walking towards you. Shit, she is a freaking school teacher with a boring mane style, her body has absolutely no right to be sexy, but it clearly is, stupidly so. How? Ah, right, rock climbing. Ok, plan B, time to close your eyes and stop thinking about sexy mares with gorgeous bodies.

Now all you can see in your head is Cheesy sucking Roseluck's nipples. Your boner gets even harder as you poke Cheesy's belly fluff with it. Ok, plan C, time to open your eyes again. As you do so, you see Cheerilee literally in front of your face, staring at you with her large and surprisingly beautiful eyes. No teacher is allowed to be that hot.

"I... was waiting for Twilight and Starbucks. I mean Starlight and Twibucks. I..."

"Here you are!" says Twilight from behind, "sorry to make you wait, Anon. Cheerilee, do you mind if he joins for today's lecture? Anonymous with Cheesy Soul here had so many questions about the Magic of Friendship that I took the liberty of inviting them. I hope you don't mind?"

"Not at all, princess. Let's start after the recess is over," says the hot teacher mare and leaves to calm down the class. Were you just saved by Twi? Does it mean she is not mad at you anymore? Let's see, time to face her and smile.

"What in Equestria are you doing here?" whispers Twi at you, "and stop petting a mare in public!" Petting? What petting? Ah, yes, this petting. As Cheesy gets surrounded by Twi's telekinetic field, you quickly hug the black mare with your whole body, breaking the spell.

"Shoo! Go find yourself your own pet ex-villain, this one is already taken!" You made it in time; your boner is still hidden under the mare. The innocence of children is still safe! You wonder why that Starlight girl is looking at you funny.

The foals had calmed down, and now sitting in a half-circle around their teacher, who introduces Princess Twilight Sparkle and her assistant Starlight Glimmer. Apparently, it's some sort of an open-air lecture about some sappy pony stuff, but at least Starlight creates some pretty dope large holograms in the air. You wonder if you could make a controller of some sort and make her project some simple video games with her horn.

For some reason, as the lecture moves forward, you find yourself looking not at holograms, but at the warm smile of Cheerilee, who is trying to bridge the gap between Twi and the students by collecting and summarizing their questions and making the experience enjoyable for everypony. You wonder what person you would grow up into if your own primary school teacher was like this. You feel warm inside for some reason.

As the lecture comes to an end, a royal chariot lands nearby to take Twilight and the witch girl to their next royal business somewhere in Canterlot. The horde of children slowly dissipates, and you feel proud of yourself. These cute innocent foals won't grow into perverts because of you. Mission accomplished with zero dick slips, good job, everyone.

You see three little fillies walking towards you and Cheesy. They seem to be excited. The yellow earth pony starts talking first.

"Hello, miss! We just wanted to tell you that you are really cool!"

"Yeah, I even want your autograph!" says the white unicorn.

"Me too! I can't believe those mares could even stand up today!" says the third one... Wait, what?!

"I hope you don't mind that we were watching through the window," the white one interjects with a guilty face.

"And how did you even make it so huge?" continues the pegasus.

"Yeah, how! I mean, your cock was at least twice bigger than my brother's!" interrupts the yellow one.

"I bet my sister would like to meet you one day. She is such a size queen."

"Sweetie! It's not nice to talk about your sister like this!"

"But it's true, you saw her collection of dildos."

You are not sure who is talking at this point, you are not really following the conversation as it continues. Some fuses are blowing in your brain. It all sort of makes sense now. They all live in a pants-optional society, and because of how much taller other ponies are, and how high in the air they usually keep their tails, there is probably no dick, pussy or a pair of balls in Ponyville these children haven't seen yet. Of course, they are casual about discussing dongs and don't see it as a taboo topic. You made an idiot out of yourself over nothing. Good job, you.

Looks like Cheesy is about to tell them where did she find that spell.

"Be Sneaky Strike."

Oh no.

"A mare in her late teens, lonely and horny."

Oh no-no-no.

"Heat season is rough, no dicks nearby..."

She is speaking in greentext now! What is this unholy corruption?! You sit stunned as the story unrolls and comes to an end, the fillies are leaving you and Cheesy alone, but you are still so lost in your thoughts that you fail to notice Cheerilee approaching you with a questioning expression on her face. Sneaky rubs her belly on your cock, revitalizing your erection, and speaks in a childish but clearly fake voice (the velvety tone is still here).

"Oh, miss Cheerilee, Anon here was so sorry for skipping his previous class! This time he brought all his homework with him," with this, she jumps off your laps. Treason! Your cock is now exposed to the hot teacher who is looking at it with her mouth agape. Cheesy continues, walking around Cheerilee, "he is so nervous about his past mistakes, I think he needs a private lesson. Could you check his homework please?" with this she lightly pushes the earth pony towards you. What are you doing, you treacherous horse, this was not in the plan!

Cheerilee presses her muzzle to your balls, inhales your musky smell, and her demeanor changes. She stands up, looking at least an inch taller than before. Oh crap...

"Well-well-well, what do we have here, young gentlecolt? Your homework clearly needs more work. Don't worry, we shall start with some basics to make it easier for you."

She presses her hoof on your chest and effortlessly topples your torso on the ground. Starting from your abs, she plants kisses on you moving up, towards your lips. You notice that you are still in front of the school. Can you be sure that you are alone? Won't somepony please think of the children?

You hear some rustling in the nearby bushes. Yeah, right, whatever. Twilight is in Canterlot now, so you probably won't be immediately murdered for what you are about to do. As Cheerilee's muzzle approaches, you hug her entire body and kiss her as hard and deep as you can. She is overjoyed to return the kiss. Wait, who is licking your cock now? Cheesy, stop!

If this continues, you will just blow your load into the air. You are trying to say something, but you can't, since your mouth is constantly being assaulted by a hot teacher. She effortlessly overpowers all your attempts to free yourself, but as you are starting to get extremely close, Cheesy suddenly lets your dick go.

"Miss Cheerilee, I helped him with his homework as much as I could, but I think it still needs a bit of a teacher's touch."

"Well done, student. Let me check if you made any mistakes," Cheeriliee leans to your ear and quickly whispers out of character, "Thank you for giving me another chance. Rarity was right, you are a true sweetheart, I'll make it fun for you, I promise," with this she steps back a little bit to align herself with your cock and sits on it.

Of course, a Rarity's friend will be like this. As orgasms from her soul being penetrated overwhelm her, she keeps riding your cock, milking it as hard as she can and trying to make you cum. Twenty seconds. Thirty seconds. Forty seconds. Fifty. You see how she desperately tries to stay conscious for your sake, and her vaginal muscles are not stopping their work for a second. Cheesy had already brought you very close with her tongue, so eventually, your body just gives up, and you blow all your load into the hottest teacher you've ever seen in your entire life (quite an achievement considering how much porn you have been watching back on Earth).

Cheerilee is absolutely overwhelmed with joy. You can feel pure happiness radiating from her as she drops on your chest, absolutely done for the day, with a broad smile on her muzzle. You hear some high-pitched discussion in the bushes. You don't care at this point. If you had a soul, it would end up in pony hell anyway.

You carry Cheerilee to her home and place her on her bed. Even if being completely powerless in her hooves led you to one of the most intense sexual experiences in your life, and you would prefer to just sleep for the rest of the day, you have a job to do. You don't really know if Cheerilee's mana flow issue was successfully cured, so just in case you give her a full body massage. Yep, waiting for the Friday was a good idea, her crotchboobs were quite large even without your influence, so by tomorrow morning, she will have difficulties with walking around with them. Just in case, you spend some extra time massaging them too.

When you are done, you notice that Cheesy is looking at Cheerilee's collection of photos. Some of them are with her friends (you even see one with Rarity), but most of them are with her students. Cheesy, however, stares at the odd one. The shot is clearly unprofessional, the sun is blasting right into the camera, and some mare in a dress is illuminated in a weird way.

Oh no. Oh Luna's nipples, please no. Not this. Anything but this. You are losing your last hope when you see Cheesy's smiling trollface as she asks you with her charming, soft voice.

"Hey, Anon. Would you say the dress on this photo is blue or yellow?"

This can't be happening. You grab Cheesy and run. Twilight is in Canterlot, but there is one pony who can still help you and possibly even save Cheesy from the corruption.

"What are you doing? Where are we going?"

"No time to explain!" you shout as you ran towards Fluttershy's cottage and knock the door. Please be home! The door slowly opens.

"H-hello, Anon."

"Fluttershy, quick! Something is wrong with Cheesy!"

"This is entirely untrue," replies Cheesy who is dangling in your hands.

"She speaks in memes!"

Fluttershy looks confused. You walk inside and place the black mare onto the couch. This is not a joking matter!

"I'm serious! She is just like me, but worse! Had some demon possessed her? Is her soul rotting again? Please save my filly!" you say as you shake Fluttershy like an overly protective parent from a Brazilian TV show who demands from a surgeon to do something completely impossible for his daughter.

Fluttershy looks at Cheesy with a serious face, but then her face relaxes, and she starts smiling.

"Nothing to worry about. It's just the parts of your soul that you have used to patch hers are blending in. Everything looks nice and smooth, even if a bit spotty," Fluttershy gently strokes the mane of her fuzzy patient, "keep petting her daily and she'll be fine."

"But..." what this mare is even talking about? "But..." she can't be serious. "But I have no soul."

Fluttershy looks at you with terrified eyes.

"W-who told you such a thing? Oh you poor little human," Fluttershy tries to pet your too now, the size difference is clearly not going to stop her, "of course you absolutely do have a soul. And it was so generous of you to share some of it with Cheesy."

"B-but I saw the soul-o-meter in the hospital, it was at zero."

"The Thau-resonance chamber probably didn't work because of your resistance. I can see your soul just fine, and it is beautiful," says Fluttershy as she tries to hug you, "and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."

"B-but souls are magical, and I destroy magic..." you don't know why you are trying to prove Fluttershy wrong at this point. You sort of suspect that she might be right. It's just hard for you to admit that you were an idiot this whole time.

"Your soul is just very... shy. It clings to your body, barely leaking at all as if it's afraid of Equestria... Maybe it's just too afraid to let any other magic in too? But I can see it's getting friendlier with Cheesy's already."

You sit, being hugged by Fluttershy, and think about everything. So, you are the corruption? Your soul, that you apparently have, is the poison that makes Cheesy speak in greentext, do stupid anime things and resurrect memes that should stay dead? Fluttershy's ears perk up, as she is struck by an idea. Without releasing you, she turns to Cheesy.

"Could you please try lifting Anon's hand with your magic? If that's ok with you."

Your hand gets slowly enveloped in a pinkish-red glow. It tingles a little bit. Then something pushes your palm up. It feels a bit like using a hand dryer, if only it was completely silent, blew upwards, and didn't actually dry anything, but still moved your hand a little bit.

The red glow slowly envelopes your whole body. It feels weird on your skin. It feels even weirder between your legs. You remember that one time when your plane got into an air pressure pocket, and it dipped down a bit, and you got this sense of zero gravity climbing up your anus. In short, it feels fantastic.

The boundaries of Cheesy's face can barely contain her enormous grin as your body slowly leaves the ground in her telekinetic hold. In a warm, velvety voice she says,

"Welcome to Equestria, Anon. You've missed so much of it, time to fix this."