Magical horses and the anti-magical rod

"No."

"But A-a-ano-o-on!"

"No."

This is it. This is the moment you say "no" to Cheesy. No matter how much she pouts, jumps around your room or rolls on your bed. She is currently mastering the skill of pretending to be a foal when it's beneficial for her, but your Kung Fu of saying "no" is stronger.

"I'll make it sma-a-aller!"

"No."

"But I know a great lube spell!"

"No."

The last few days of your life were... magical. There is no other way to describe them. You experienced things no human had experienced before, you saw and felt stuff not meant for your puny human brain. And the two of you fucked like rabbits, of course, which also involved a metric shit ton of magic. Turns out, a powerful unicorn who is not collapsing while being fucked by you (because apparently your souls are perfectly compatible now) is a gift from pony heaven. Together, you did every thing imaginable, tried more setups than you can count, but this is where you draw the line. Cheesy just doesn't understand how serious this is, so she keeps whining,

"But my lube spell is like stupidly good! Here, let me demonstrate. Here we have a creaky door. With a little bit of magic..."

"No."

"PFFRT."

Unicorn horns are not meant to make sounds like this. Door hinges are not supposed to be covered in gallons of semi-transparent slime that is now slowly traveling down the door frame. And the door itself. And the wall around it. And the ceiling. Even without testing it, you are pretty convinced that the door is not going to be creaky anymore. In fact, let's declare it a wall from now on, and start using the window to get out of the room instead. You don't want to touch this door, or be anywhere near it, for the rest of your life.

"Whoops. Don't worry, it will evaporate eventually. But look how perfectly lubed the hinges are! Wanna try it on your butt?"

"No."

You are not sure what's wrong with Cheesy today. You were giving her her daily massage (which, according to Fluttershy, still manages to mend Cheesy's soul just fine, even if your magic is not allergic to her magic anymore), and completely by accident poked the base of her tail with your dick. To do so you had to accidentally reposition yourself, unintentionally lean forward and, by a fluke, aim your dick with your free hand, but it was definitely unplanned. You would never concoct a plan that would result in Cheesy spending the last ten minutes on convincing you to try the butt stuff. The other kind of butt stuff. The kind where your butt is violated by a magicked up horsecock of unknown proportions.

You are not gay. And she is not a dude. So technically it still counts as sex with a girl (well, a mare, but let's not touch this subject), and therefore it has absolutely nothing to do with any prejudices that you don't have anyway since the first day your internet connection became fast enough. You are actually quite open-minded. Just not open-butted.

A mailmare knocks on your window. Normally that would mean it's something urgent, something that can't be left in the mailbox, and this time it's a letter from... "Princess Cellestia"? You were pretty sure her name was spelled with one 'l', but what do you know.

"Meet me in the town hall... yadda-yadda... don't bring anyone but Cheesy... blah-blah-blah... Always yours, Princess Cellestia. Huh..."

Sometimes you almost manage to forget that ponies, while being as smart, or even smarter than average humans, are not very cunning. And very, very naive. This letter? It's stupidly obvious. Just look at it, even the name is misspelled. And the writing is all messy. And the paper is a bit crumbled. Even a five years old would figure it out. Holding an imaginary smoking pipe in your hand, you exclaim in your best detective voice,

"Ha! What an uninspiringly pathetic attempt of deception!"

"So we are not going?" double-checks Cheesy. Silly mare...

"Of course we are! Going! Right now!"

"But why?"

"Based on the evidence I've gathered and analyzed with my superior intelligence, I came to a conclusion that Celestia had finally realized how hot I am and can't hold her feelings back anymore. This is an emergency!"

Cheesy looks unsure.

"Don't you think the letter was a bit... fishy?"

"But of course, I was expecting this question! All clues are pointing that she was clopping herself with one hoof while writing the letter. This means it's urgent! What if some sort of a magical problem that bothers her for a millennia can't wait anymore and must be solved immediately? Even a genius investigator like myself is an honorable citizen first and foremost, and therefore I must perform my civic duty to this country! Would you like to assist me, inspector Soul?"

You were expecting Cheesy to say "Yes!" without thinking, considering how butt-obsessed she was behaving this morning. If rumors about that orgy that happened downstairs a few days ago are true, Celestia's butt may be the only butt in Equestria large enough to fully accommodate Cheesy's... transmutation spell. You are surprised to see that Cheesy is avoiding your eyes and not saying anything. Does she dislike Celestia even after the reformation for some reason?

"Y-you can go if you want, I don't want to interfere..."

"Nonsense! The letter mentions you, which means Celestia is aware of your exceptional skills!"

"If you want it so much, fine..."

Huh, what's wrong with her? Anyway, no time to waste! Proper clothing? No time, your bathrobe should be good enough!

You touch the door handle and your hand slips so hard that you tumble on the spot and end up falling on the floor face down. Your jaw hurts, and your shoulder feels mildly dislocated.

"Pony, I request your assistance," you groan.

"Don't know any healing magic, sorry."

Crap. Why can't there be a super-villain who heals ponies to death or something?

After a minute spent on standing up and a few more minutes spent on desperate and futile attempts to clean yourself from the lube (which is, true to Cheesy's word, is indeed stupidly good), you walk towards the town hall with grumpy Cheesy Soul behind you. She doesn't want to be in your hands for some reason. Weird, must be the lube.

But you still can't believe your own luck. Princess Celestia's butt has been your holy grail since the first time you saw it. There is something indescribably majestic about it. How it floats around like a large celestial body. How it creates it's own gravity well around it, attracting your eyes and your mind.

As you step inside the town hall, it looks... weird. All blinds on the windows except for one are closed, and the remaining one barely illuminates a chair with a large gift box on top of it, with ribbons and shit. You've played your share of creepy video games, so you immediately notice that something is off. Could it be that Celestia decided to prank you? Or maybe, just maybe, there is something wrong with the letter? Actually, now that you think about it...

Cheesy happily runs towards the chair with the box.

"Cheesy, no!" you shout.

"Cheesy, yes!" she exclaims as she pulls the ribbons apart. The floor around her lights up, revealing an intricate circular diagram of some sort, and Cheesy flops on the floor as if being crushed by a huge weight. You see her rapidly disappearing and reappearing in clouds of black smoke, trying to teleport away. You see her horn lighting up and fading, but nothing seems to work.

"Cheesy!"

As you dash to help her, your body slams into an invisible barrier that seems to be originating from the diagram on the ground. You've played enough video games to know what this means. Nothing good. A large shape emerges from the mayor's office.

"That was easier than I thought it would be," says... Celestia? No, wait, the voice is off. And now that she comes into the light, you notice that her mane, while being ethereal and shit, is not radiating any light. And the coat is mint-green. Oh, poop...

"Lyra."

"Oh, come on, don't break the character like this! You are supposed to call me Celestia, and I'm supposed to make all your dreams come true!"

As she moves closer, you are starting to get a bit intimidated by her stature. Celestia, while being a lot taller than all her subjects, is still a pony. This unicorn here is a fucking horse. And by no means a small one. Actually, scratch that part about a unicorn, those fake wings on her just moved a little bit. You are starting to suspect that they may be not entirely fake.

"Do you like my new look?" she asks spinning around. You have to admit that somehow she managed to get the accurate impression of Celestia's perfect butt, and somehow made it even larger than it was. For some reason, you don't find it sexy.

"Speechless? Come here, touch it!" she lifts you with her golden magic and floats you towards her butt. Wait, how? Now that you think about it, that magical barrier earlier should not have been able to stop you.

While you are too busy flailing your limbs around and trying to understand what is going on, Lyra strengthens the hold around your wrist and makes your hand slap her butt. You don't see any spells being shattered by that. This makes you even more uncomfortable.

"Ouch, you are so nasty, Anon. I bet you can't wait anymore. And look, I'm all ready!"

She lifts her tail, revealing her incredibly wet marehood.

"I was clopping myself while I was waiting for you, now all you have to do is to finish what I started!"

The fact that you were partially right doesn't make you feel happy at all. How the hell did she transform herself into a huge winged horse with an enormous butt? Huh, maybe the weird glass jar she is wearing on her neck has something to do with it? Hmm... now that you look at it, some gray faces with large fangs are swirling inside. It's highly unlikely she could buy this jewelry from a souvenir shop. She follows your gaze.

"Like it? Tee-hee. Who needs Alicorn amulets when you can use this instead and become an actual alicorn! And you know the best part?" she leans closer to your ear, "I'm going to make it permanent."

As she leans back, you make a quick jab with your hand towards the jar. She reacts immediately and dodges. Shit. Being an alicorn implies being part-pegasus, which means she can see all your actions in slow motion. But you have one more trick in your sleeve. The sleeve of your metaphorical pants, which you are not wearing.

Holding you with her magic, Lyra turns to face away from you and lowers her enormous butt onto your penis, which is completely misreading the situation and standing hard and ready. You will need to have a talk with it after all this is over. But who cares, your crazy ex doesn't know what's going to happen. And we enter... a-and...

"Ahh, I was waiting for it for so long, you have no idea," says Lyra casually.

What's going on? Uncontrollable orgasms? Rolled eyes? Collapsing mares? Anything?

Lyra is sliding up and down your cock and seems to be enjoying herself, but this is so... non-freaky. Like... like sex with Cheesy.

Took you long enough to figure it out, didn't it? You chuckle. Yep, Cheesy was actually the second mare who became a bit crazy after being fucked by you. All the other mares? Healed. This loco? Corrupted. And you think you know why.

You remember how it all started. You were unsuccessfully trying to get drunk in the pony bar. Your usual drinking buddy, a big red stallion aptly named Big Mac, was not there that evening. Not like it changes a lot, really. Normally he would just be sitting there, inserting an occasional "Yep" or "Nope" into your monologue, and you would feel a proper friendly connection with the dude, like if he understands exactly what you feel, and you understand exactly what he feels. Sort of. He barely speaks at all, so you have to use your imagination to figure out what shit he is dealing with this time around.

So, the bar. Slightly tired bartender in front of you. A half-empty glass of something too strong by pony standards, but too weak by yours.

A small mint green unicorn sits on a bar stool and orders the strongest shit this place had to offer, which happens to be the same shit you were drinking this whole evening. She looks like she spent several hours crying. Broken ponies is not something you see often around here, so after she inhales her first shot, you just sit next to her and... well, mostly listen. She is quite open about what happened, apparently, her marefriend kicked her out and told her to never come back. And then the mint green mare proceeds to tell you how it came to this, and after about half an hour, you are genuinely concerned about her. These are ponies. They are not supposed to deal with hard shit like this, they are supposed to be happy. So you just talk to her, trying to lift her mood, and maybe to convince her that this is not the end of the world, and things will get better eventually. The mare doesn't really believe you, telling you that she feels like her soul is torn apart by what had happened, and she doesn't know how to live with this. You didn't really pay any attention to the wording. You were such an idiot back then.

So then you spent an hour just talking about random stuff. You have realized that you actually like this mare a lot. She is smart, curious, fun to talk to and has quite a bit of depth in her character. It's also sort of obvious that the drinks are starting to dim her mind, as she starts showing some affection towards you. Now you would judge yourself for taking advantage of the mare in this situation, but back then you genuinely thought that if this helps her to forget her worries, it's worth doing. So you invite her to your home. Not like she has any other place to stay, really. One thing leads to another, and eventually, you find yourself kissing a mare who is lying on her back on your sofa and definitely wants to move further. Not a complete lesbian, then.

You thought that the best thing you can do in this situation is to make her happy, even though you were not entirely sure how it's going to work between you and a pony. Her reaction when she saw your cock made you more confident (you were not sure how you compare to stallions back then), and she almost jumped on you right after that, and... well... Being alone for so many months, and then suddenly feeling a pony on your cock completely blew your mind. You never slept with a non-human before, so you didn't know what was normal and what was not. A pussy constantly massaging your cock, milking it for your cum, and not letting it go? A mare crying out your name and demanding for you to fill her with your seed? How could you know that this is not normal, and Lyra is somewhere at her tenth orgasm already?

You wanted her more than you wanted anyone in your life before. You wanted to fuck her for as long as possible, prolonging this moment until you can't keep moving anymore. To be with her. To stay in her. Who can blame you for sharing a bit of your soul with this mare to mend her wounds?

She had months to absorb your soul, to get familiar with it, to understand it. And your soul had months to corrupt her, to screw her brains and transform this intelligent mare into a crazy stalker. Now it finally came to bite you in the ass.

Oh well, you deserved it.

You can feel that a huge alicorn on your cock is getting close, but then she suddenly breaks the rhythm, keeping herself close to the edge. She inhales. You expect her to say many things, but not what you hear,

"Ynop Elttil Ym!"

Huh? The fuck was that? You don't like how the symbols on the floor are glowing brighter. With even more sinister intonation, she shouts again,

"Ynop Elttil Ym!"

Oh shit biscuits, now some of the symbols of the diagram are floating up into the air. Nope, not good.

"Eb Dluoc Pihsdneirf Tahw Rednow Ot Desu I!"

You have a feeling that this is the wrong kind of "desu". The floating glowing symbols become crimson and start... bleeding? Double nope, any glowing symbol that drops blood is not ok in your books.

"Ynop Elttil Ym!"

Whatever this unholy ritual is, it must be stopped. You go through your options. How about slapping Lyra's butt as hard as you can? Crap, it made her even more excited.

"Em Ttiw Cigam Sti Derahs Lla Uoy Litnu!"

The creepy jar of bullshit is powering your stalker horse. The stalker horse is powering the ritual. If you don't want the ritual to be powering your nightmares in the future, you need to stop it before it's too late. The ritual is too far away. The horse is invincible because she is also a part earth pony now. The jar is on the other end of the horse. What do?

"Serutnevda gib!"

"Gib" your ass. You have a plan now, and its stupidity won't stop you from trying. You grab two enormous buttcheeks with your hands, lift your body, and slam your cock harder and deeper than Lyra could on her own.

"Nuf fo Snot!"

"I'll show you snot, you stupid horse." Time to fuck. Harder. HARDER. HARDER.

"Gnorts Dna Lufhtiaf Traeh Lufituaeb A-a-a-a!"

You hope that the last part is not a part of the ritual, but the result of her orgasm that finally overwhelms her. Without her soul being penetrated, you know you won't make her collapse. But you don't care about her orgasms, you care about yours. You were very close for a long time already. But you resist. You clench your butt, and you grind your teeth, but you resist. Not yet. Not enough. You will give her everything your body is capable of, and then some more.

"Taef Ysae Na Ssendnik Gnirahs!"

You think about your pile. You think about mares. You think about Fluttershy, who you secretly wanted to fuck since your first day in Equestria. You think about Applejack and her stupidly sexy legs. You think about Rarity and how you will probably never meet another mare like this in your entire life. About Twilight who should just stop being such a prude and fuck Starlight like they both want to. About Pinkie who is now officially your favorite lesbian horse. About Rainbow who is a living proof that tsundere exist, and they are not just an imaginary unobtainable dream of a nerd like you. Then you think about Cheesy.

Your pelvis starts vibrating like a volcanic island before the eruption. Your cock, already at its max size, swells even more. Your hands grab the largest ass in Equestria and your slam your cock deeper than any living soul did before. Not enough. One more time. And another one. Deeper. DEEPER.

"Etelpmoc Lla Ti Sekam Cigam Dna-a-a-a-a-a!"

You slam one last time.

"Unleash the orgasm!"

You can see the shockwave traveling through her body. Two perfect halves of one perfect butt vibrate as you erupt into Lyra with the pressure that would make a fire hydrant envious. Your seed hits her womb, but you don't want your soul to stop there. Like an unstoppable wave of the tsunami, your lust travels through Lyra's body. You see how Lyra's body shivers more and more. First her butt, then her waist, then her chest, all the way through the soul of this abnormally large horse. But the wave doesn't stop here. The shockwave of your soul travels further, beyond Lyra's enormous body, and shatters the jar on her chest.

Lyra screams, as her body shrinks back to her normal size while she is still impaled on your cock. A cock that was never so large in your entire life. The bleeding runes in the air are fading, the shimmering barrier is collapsing, and the content of the jar flies in all directions. Stupid lesser demons. They just fly through the walls, probably to cause havoc across the Ponyville. You don't care, it's Twilight's problem now.

You rush towards Cheesy. She is coughing. Coughing means alive. Wait, what's in the way? Ah, right, some unicorn stuck on your dick. Discard the nuisance, keep moving.

"Cheesy!" you hug your silly pony. You hold her close. You cry into her mane a bit, but this is fine, the moment is appropriate enough. She seems to be fine, but you are not going to stop crying anyway. You hug her for something that seems like an eternity, even if it was a couple of minutes tops. You wish it was an eternity. That's exactly for how long you want to hold this silly pony in your hands, not letting her go.

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od," whispers the voice behind you. Shit, what now? Lyra is incapacitated, you see her in the corner of your eye, so you turn around to check. You think it's the mayor mare (you asked several ponies about her name, but apparently nopony knows). She looks... odd.

Crazy eyes? Check. Jerky movements? Check. Eldritch chants? Check. We have a possessed horse here. Ok, what do you do? The flying runes are slowly lighting up again.

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od," whispers the mayor again, this time a bit louder.

Nope, not today. Ok, time to temporary let your favorite black unicorn go and deal with the government. Hmm... but how? Should you punch her or something? You hope she won't ban you from the town for that later, one Stalliongrad was enough for you.

You give her your best right hook. That was a very bad idea. As you scream from the pain and hope that you didn't break your wrist, the mare whispers again,

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

Stupid earth ponies and their stupid Earth Pony Immovable Stance Secret Technique 9000. Ok, whatever demon is inside, it's fully aware of the powers of its host, and kicking or punching won't break anything besides your limbs. And your dong seems to be done for today. Hold on! You quickly thank Rainbow Something for reminding you that your fingers are as good for fixing magical horses as your cock.

"Anonymous Secret Technique, Thousand Years of Orgasms!" you shout as you plug your fingers into the mare's soft parts. The mare screams in pleasure. The demon screams in pain. Both of them are using the same pony mouth to communicate, so the mayor sort of screams in stereo. As you double your efforts, the demon slowly separates from the mare and burns down. Good.

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

Two whispering voices now? Crap, here enters Carrot Top, the regular of your pile. You know all her buttons, it's going to be easy...

"Cheesy, we are doomed. We are all going to die, run!" you suddenly say.

"What, why?" she is standing right behind you, and she is confused.

"He is a stallion," you say as you look at your second opponent. This is your drinking buddy Big Mac. Not that you would do it to any other stallion, but you would especially not do it to him. Because he is a bro. A bro is not supposed to finger another bro, that's not how being a bro works. Cheesy chuckles.

"I think I understand it now. Don't worry," you hear some ominous magical sounds behind yourself, "I think I have just enough of your soul in me."

Possessed Big Mac looks... scared. You are by no means a demonologist, even though you've completed Doom on the maximum difficulty at some point in your life, but you think demons are supposed to be sort of... fearless? You turn around and look at Cheesy. Now you are scared too.

You know how every gym has that one midget guy who can bench press twice as much as you can, but you don't feel very envious because you know that he is such a midget that probably no girl would like to be with him despite how ripped he is? And then you accidentally see him in the shower and realize that he carries a fucking elephant trunk between his legs? And he can see that you just saw it, and so he chuckles condescendingly and proceeds to wash his head, like if he is feeling pity for you?

Cheesy knows what you are seeing right now and chuckles too. How can she even walk like this? What? Why? H...

"Deal with the mare, this one is mine. I had a craving this whole morning only a nice stallion's butt can satisfy."

The demon in Big Mac's body takes a step back. Cheesy smiles.

"Omae wa mou shindeiru," she says and teleports behind him. The only warning Big Mac gets is a loud "PFFRT" of a stupidly good lube spell. A tear rolls down your cheek,

"I will remember you, brother."

Why is your penis getting hard again? Didn't you just come like a nuclear explosion? Focus! You have a possessed mare to deal with. Plus this possessed mare is distracted, looking with a dropped jaw at, let's see, your marefriend using the biggest stallion in Ponyville as a fleshlight. Yep, nothing to look at.

It's not a good time to be distracted. Step one: lift Carrot Top's tail. Step two: slam your cock. Sigh... ok, let's take one more short look... Wait, Cheesy, what are you doing? Don't lift him into the air like this with your... ouch, Cheesy, stahp! You have enough weird kinks already, and you don't need another one!

Cheesy finishes Big Mac off (you can't find a better description for what she just did to him), and he slides from her unreasonably huge horsecock into a puddle of lube. Another drop of lube falls from Cheesy's still hard cock on stallion's head.

"I learned from the best," she says and smirks at you. You gulp.

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

Shit, more possessed citizens are coming! And the runes are glowing even brighter! Stupid demons, stop trying to finish the ritual! You fuck faster. Cheesy teleports behind the next stallion.

"PFFRT"

Ok, maybe she has more cock, but you have more anti-magical soul in you. And there are more mares than stallions in Ponyville, which means that unless demons are sexist, you will have more work to do. You fuck faster. Holly Dash? Fucked, into the pile you go. Berry Punch? Done, into the pile. With pride, you notice that your pile is growing faster than Cheesy's. Wait, is that the cheese vendor from the market? Huh, apparently he got what he wanted in the end. You hope that whatever his problem was, it is worth not being able to stand up for the next few weeks.

Cheesy teleports behind the next stallion. Oh no, that demon is aggressive! He is going to hurt your marefriend! Nevermind, Cheesy lifts him with her cock and slams him into a wall a few times. You make a mental note to never piss Cheesy off.

Shit, as you fuck more and more incoming ponies, you notice an important detail. Mares are... smaller. Which means that even if Cheesy is not as efficient as you are, her pile is... bigger. Unacceptable! Two mares chanting the spell enter at the same time? You have two hands! Ha-ha!

"Hey, no fair!" shouts Cheesy. Of course, she knows what game you are playing now. She is part you.

And she runs out of stallions. Did you win? She goes after Minuette who had just entered the town hall.

"Hey, the mares are mine! No cheating!"

"Finders keepers!"

Demons are burning, ponies are being fucked, and together you finally run out of demons. It feels like a significant portion of Ponyville is distributed between the two piles. You are trying to catch your breath. Cheesy is trying to catch her breath. You are walking to her to hug her (after she dispells her horsecock and not a moment sooner). She is smiling, probably thinking that she won. But you know that you did, right?

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od," says Lyra in her sleep, finishing the spell.

The diagram on the floor flashes brightly and suddenly, like a popup banner on a porn site. The floor... slides down, you guess? Or to the side? You are not sure how dimension-bending magic works, and you don't like what you see on the other side. Shit, that's a big one. Why is he larger than your house? How is he going to fit into the town hall? Why does he have claws instead of hooves? How are you supposed to fuck something like this? Eh, who cares.

"You came to the wrong neighborhood, motherfucker!" you say bravely.

The demon just lazily stabs you with his claw, piercing you all the way through.

Crap.

Yeah, about that...

You see, there is a difference between ponies and demons. And a good reason why ponies keep demons away from themselves. Twilight tried to explain it to you, didn't she? And who was too dumb to listen? You, that's who. So, that's probably it. As you fall on the floor, in a puddle of your own blood, you think it was a good run. You made more friends here than you did during your entire stay on Earth. You were actually quite happy all this time. You saved Cheesy, who is currently, let's see, shouts,

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" and blasts the demon with an endless volley of huge magic missiles that are constantly spawning around her. Once a missile barrage mare, always a missile barrage mare. You don't like that her eyes look angry, and bleeding for some reason. And there is more of her own blood rolling down her chin too.

The house-sized demon is surviving, even trying to counter-attack, but you feel pity for him. As far as villain origin stories go, the Cheesy's one is going to be a pretty good one. And what future villains do when they see their beloved being murdered in front of their eyes? They commence the massacre, that's what. Silly demon, you did come to the wrong neighborhood, didn't you? Yep, that's your eye being exploded by a crimson red tentacle originating from Cheesy's horn. Yep, that's your arm being ripped off. Enjoy your short stay in Equestria, motherfucker.

"Girls, now!"

Was that Twilight's voice? Yep, here we go, the orbital friendship cannon obliterates everything around you. Everything is so white that even closing your eyes doesn't really do anything. And then it's over, and you are still breathing, if barely. No house-sized demons or interdimensional portals around. Good.

"Why is he still bleeding? Did we miss?" asks a raspy voice. Rainbow, what the hell are you doing here?

"His soul is rejecting the Elements," and now Fluttershy? What's going on?

Your favorite black mare hugs you.

"Don't you dare! Don't even think about dying and leaving me alone, bastard!"

You would like to promise, but you can't.

"Hey," you say instead, "everything is going to be fine."

You see Twilight desperately trying to cast some spells on you. Good luck with that. Fluttershy comes closer to you.

"Anon, this is very serious. You have to allow us to save you."

"Feel free, you have my written permission." No one is laughing, damn.

"You have to tell your soul to accept Equestria. Just accept it, please."

You know you had accepted it already. But your soul?

Singing along when someone else starts to sing for no reason? Nope.

Being constantly bothered by some chaos spirit who is currently hiding from you so hard that you never actually saw him? Nope.

Allowing a certain pink mare's supersense to know exactly when you are fapping? Double nope.

"Anon, don't leave me, please," whispers Cheesy, "I love you."

Being loved by a crazy ex-villain unicorn? Ma-a-aybe?..

But you know there is no going back after that, right? Sigh...

Still worth it.

You close your eyes.

You open your eyes.

It's sort of bright inside the town hall now, thanks to the half of the roof missing, but the sunlight looks kind of... pastel. The mare hugging you looks like she went through hell, but she is... fluffy. The hole in your body hurts, but you know it's going to be fine. You are in Equestria, after all.

"Do it again," you say, "just be sure that Lyra is somewhere in the blast radius. The corruption has to end."

The world around you becomes white again.

This is your silly magical horse. There are many like it, but this one is yours. She is your best friend. She is your life. She is also your beloved and trusted sex partner. You wouldn't trade her for anything.

You ruffle your fingers through Cheesy's mane as you both look at the sun rising over the horizon. Your first Summer Sun Celebration together is something you are going to remember forever. It's funny how equestrians can just look directly at the rising sun without going blind, and now you can too, apparently. You feel a little bit sad that this is about as far as your superpowers go now, but you are not complaining. After all, you've got something a lot more important out of the deal.

Her.