It is the first day of the month that would normally mark the beginning of Applebuck Season if not for the lack of rain due to a negligent Pegasus which forced the Apple family to harvest early this year. Twilight Sparkle and I are in the Golden Oak Library (now organised with the Dewey decimal system) attempting to learn new spells with her number one assistant Spike as our test subject.

“Oh boy! here it comes” says Spike, holding his head out forward as Twilight casts her spell. In a brief flash of light a butch, thick, full moustache appears on Spike’s face. Spike looks at his reflection in the full body mirror that was prepared for this occasion.

“Your amazing Twilight, it perfect! Hello ladies, oh what’s this? Aww, it's nothing, it's just my awesome moustache.” He says as he strokes it, thinking how it would impress Rarity. “This is the twenty-fifth trick you’ve mastered and I think it’s my favourite so far. You’ve achieved three times as many as the average unicorn, you’re incredible Twilight. Hey do you think I need a beard to go with it?” he asks. I, of course, take this as my cue to ruin this for him.

“No Spike, a beard would be to much. What you need now is a majestic pair of wings” he gets excited again. “Oh yeah wings here I come, hit me!” he says, so I do. This time instead of just a flash he rises into the air and is surrounded by a ribbon of blue and white light which forms a cocoon around him that glows and then disappears with a bright flash reviling Spike is now sporting a set of extremely flamboyant, large pair of butterfly wings. He starts flying around the room “It worked! I can fly, I...” he catches his reflection in the mirror. “Aww what? Grim Gill. These aren’t dragon wings, they're butterfly wings, I look ridicules. They don’t go with my manly moustache at all!”

Indeed he does look ridicules, the colourful translucent butterfly wings clash horribly with the manly moustache, Twilight and I cannot help but laugh at the sight. “Ah ha ho ho ho. To bad Spike, the spell I cast makes delicate wings out of gossamer and morning dew. They weren’t going to turn out any other way but you know they should suit Rei-Chan and Rarity a treat!” Twilight stops laughing. “Um, Grim Gill, who’s Rei? You’ve never mentioned her before.”

I fake surprise, “What I haven’t told you about Rei-Chan before? I could have sworn I mentioned her. She’s like a little sister to me.”

Of course I haven’t mentioned Rei before. I came to this My Little Pony universe on my own but that doesn’t mean the same thing for me as it does for most beings. I’m an amalgamation of many characters remember. I spent some time in the Evangelion universe and I absorbed Shinji when he ran away and then tricked everyone into thinking I was him (which I kind of was) and then at the end of the series when Rei absorbed the souls of everyone in the world and became a goddess I had her remake the world as if the world-changing environmental disaster known as the second impact had never happened. I spat Shinji out who got to live with his now stable father and his not dead mother and Asuka is his oldest childhood friend, which is a lot better then what he got in the non-ending of the original series. Not even Shinji's English voice actor, Spike Spencer was happy with it.

Overall it’s a good psychological, giant robot vs giant monster, sci-fi drama anime and I definitely recommend it if that’s your thing but that ending made no sense and the movie “Neo Genesis Evangelion. The End Of Evangelion” didn’t help. You won’t understand the end of that because the ending is not meant to be understood.

Well anyway after the reset Rei came with me to the Soul Society in Bleach universe where I attacked the maximum security prison known as “The Maggots Nest” and absorbed as many of the imprisoned soul reapers as I could in order to become a soul reaper myself. Remember how before I said I am considered a god of death? It’s because I picked up death related powers in three or four universes. I got full training in soul reaping in both Bleach and Black Butler. The reapers eyes from Death Note and powers over life and death by absorbing the great forest spirit from Princess Mononoke. Of course, right now I can only use the reaper's eyes and I’m getting off subject, back to Rei.

In the Bleach universe, every soul reaper manifests a bladed weapon called a Zanpakuto that is shaped by the nature of their soul and is a reflection of their power. In classical western depiction of the grim reaper, it is often depicted as a sword or a scythe. Within each soul reaper dwells a spirit that which aids the soul reaper to further empower their attacks when the two work in tandem by channel their power through the Zanpakuto.

Normally they don’t get to choose who their Zanpakuto is as it comes into existence when one becomes a soul reaper but as I didn’t become a soul reaper naturally so I was able to make Rei my Zanpakuto making her a part of me and as I don’t see much call for the use of a weapon for slaying evil spirits here in my MLP universe, I’m going to give Rei a corporeal body for the duration of our stay here to allow her to work independently from me. I did her paperwork at the same time as mine so there shouldn’t be any trouble from the legal administration but didn’t make her body at the time. Rei didn’t complain.

“She’s not actually my sister, I just call her that because we share such a close bound. She actually an orphan who lives with me now but you probably haven’t seen her because she’s shut herself up in the house since we moved in.”

Total lie, she’s been out plenty but it’s kind of hard to see someone who doesn’t have a body. Plus she can only talk to me.

“I’ve been trying to convince her to get out more but she was abused as a foal and is very withdrawn.”

Abused as in the time when she was four and she told Ritsuko’s mother, Dr. Naoko Akagi, that her lover Gendo Ikari, was just using her and calls her an “old hag” behind her back and the woman snapped and strangled her to death.

Pretty brutal right? Fortunately for Rei, she is a hybrid clone of Shinji's mother and the Angel, Lilith so she was able to come back in one of her dozens of clone bodies but the experience was still unpleasant. She was also raised by Gendo to see herself as disposable and had very little social interaction so that’s more abuse right there.

“I’m hoping if I give her a set of wings it might get her out the house for a bit.” Twilight and Spikerfly are now looking at me sympathetically.

“That’s so sad Grim Gill. You should have mentioned something sooner, we will gladly help you with Rei, right Spike?” Twilight says to the baby dragon. “Of course we will, it’s what friends do.”

Well that’s nice of them isn’t it, let’s see if they still feel the same after meeting her. “Thank you kindly, that means a lot to me.” Without warning, I dispel the butterfly wings from Spike and he lands flat on his face. “OW! How about a little warning next time Gill.” Oops sorry Spike, I say.

In truth I’m not, I'm to busy experiencing schadenfreude. Spike gets the short end of the stick more often than not. The writers didn’t even cut him a break in his own episode, instead they surrounded the place where he spent most of his pre-Ponyville life with Dragon sneeze trees. Sucks to be you, Spike.
Spike gets up and goes back to admiring himself in the mirror. “Well, the wings were a bust. Maybe I need a nice suit instead, mares love a sharp dresser.”

Yes especially if said mare happens to be named Rarity.

Twilight smiles at him, “Sorry Romeo but as dashing and attractive as you look, it’s just for practice and it has to go.” Wait said Romeo but Twilight doesn’t listen and despite his attempt to shield his facial hair the moustache was no more, “aww rats” we chuckle at his expense.

......

Sometime later we journey to my home and residence, the first thing my friends take note of when they enter my dimly lit abode is the shape drop in temperature as it’s a sunny 22°c summer day outside. “Whoa, it’s cold in here!” Says Spike. “Yes indeed it is, I keep the temperature low to slow the decay of the customers I’m preparing for their special day. There’s no party like a funeral party and I’m sure if my customers could have an opinion that they would want to look their best for the occasion.” Oh... yeah... that makes sense. Replies the shivering baby dragon, but I can tell it’s not from the cold.

I lead them through to my office, “You two should wait here whilst I try to convince Rei to come downstairs to meet you, it may take a while so feel free to help yourself to some earl grey tea and assorted biscuits.”

They don’t know that Rei is standing next to me right now and that we are going to make them wait for twenty-two minutes just to sell the impression that I’m having trouble convincing Rei to come down. Rei maybe socially awkward but Zanpakuto’s often share the same conviction as their Soul reapers, which in this case means she’s perfectly fine with pretending to not wanting to come downstairs. When we came back downstairs we find the two each had empty teacups and that Spike had eaten all the biscuits.

“Twilight, Spike, I would like you to meet my sister, Rei Ayanami. Rei Chan, say hello to my friends Twilight Sparkle and her number one assistant Spike the dragon. They live in the town library.”

“Hello.” Says Rei without any hint of emotion.

Twilight and Spike look at the fourteen year old, white coated, Asian, black gothic style dress wearing filly, with her mane in a short blue bob cut and who’s emotionless red-eyed stare added to the discomfort that they already felt which, unknown to them was thanks to the infrasound coming from the air conditioner system.

“Hello Rei Ayanami, it’s nice to meet you. Isn’t that right Spike?” says Twilight nudging her assistant. “Oh um yes, nice to meet you Rei, how do you do?” Spike says as he awkwardly holds out his claw. Rei stares at the outstretched appendage, “Shake his claw Rei” I prompt her. She already knows of course but it’s part of the act. Rei gives Spike’s claw three slow shakes before releasing it and replies “I am fine, thank you for asking.” Now the room is filled with an awkward silence.

Twilight speaks “Spike and I live in the town library, do you like reading Rei?” Yes, is Rei's lacklustre reply. Twilight waits for further elaboration but soon realizes that none is coming so it is up to her to continue the conversation. “What books do you like to read? I like to study magic but I also enjoy fictional works like Daring Do.” I am currently studying human mythology, Rei tells her.

When I wrote this My Little Pony universe I made humans mythological creatures here. Each race has self-generated there own legends involving humans, it’s quite interesting to read and it’s where all the human vernacular comes from. Funny thing is one of those stories is the ancient Greek legend of the Minotaur only it’s told as an origin story of the minotaur race and is told from their perspective. Instead of King Minos of Crete angering Poseidon and the God of the sea getting back at him by making his wife lust for a fornicate with a sacred bull.

King Minos prayed for a son and the goddess Merriwether Williams of Pantheon B, blessed him and his wife with a child that was part man and part bull who became known to many as the Minotaur which means The bull of Minos. King Minos loved his son and gave him the name Asterion. Prince Asterion grew and developed a passion for mazes so the king commissioned the famous engineer Daedalus to build the worlds largest and most complicated maze as a gift for the Prince and that is how the Labyrinth came to be. Unfortunately, the Labyrinth turned out to be to good for when the young Prince went in to solve it he became hopelessly lost.

You know what, it’s a bit to long and would be a distraction right now. I’ll just leave it as a side story.

With my Ki sense I can feel that everyone in Ponyville is gathering in the town square and if the spell Twilight was learning today is any indication, then an obnoxious unicorn mare has strolled into town. I give Rei a look, she knows what’s going on as she’s seen this episode and responds with a nod. I give my normal creepy smile and without a word I walk out of my office with Rei following me, leaving Twilight and Spike very confused until I stick my head back in the room. “Are you two coming or what?” I leave without waiting for a response.

......

As we walk Twilight asks me where we are going. “The same place everyone else is going” I reply which is when Twilight and Spike notice that the other ponies around us are all heading in the same direction.
Soon enough we reach the town square to stand in front of a wagon in a crowd with our friends and what must be half the town. I see my green-eyed girl and greet her with a kiss. “Hello Applejack my lovely, how are you today?” Better now that your here honey, who’s the kid? Ask Applejack. Before I can respond Pinkie Pie gets all up in Rei Chan's face.

“Yes, yes! WhoareyouI’veneverseenyoubeforeandIknoweverponyintownsoyoumustbenewhowdoyouknowGrimmywhatsyourfavouritefoodareyoustayingorjustvisitingMumphMumph” I halted the word barrage with my hoof and return fire with some words of my own.

“Ladies, allow me to introduce you all to a close personal friend of mine, my sister Rei Ayanami. We actually moved to Ponyville together but she very withdrawn personality. Today is the first time I’ve been able to get her to leave the house.”

I pull my hoof out of Pinkie’s Pie hole and she immediately gasps. “Oh my gosh, Grimmy! You've had a sister from us all this time and you never told us? I need to throw her a welcome to Ponyville party!” Pinkie, you never threw me a welcome to Ponyville party. “Oh my gosh, you’re right! I have to go plan your double welcome to Ponyville party right away!” She shoots off to Sugarcube Corner, “RED VELVET PLEASE” I yell as she disappears into the distance. “Okie Dokie Loki” she yells back to me. I guess this means she’s going to miss the show but then again she was unusually quiet in this episode so no loss there.

“Heh heh, that’s Pinkie Pie for ya. Please ta meet ya Rei, the names Applejack.”

“Hello.”

Rainbow Dash looks and Rei and I suspiciously. “Your sister huh?” Applejack comes to my aid “Oh Rainbow Dash, ya don’t gotta be so darn suspicious all the time. He just means they’re close is all, they ain’t actually related. Right?” she asks.

“That is correct, we are not related but he is important to me,” says Rei.

“Yes, she may not be blood but she's like a part of my soul.”

She’s literally a part of my soul.

“You're not still upset about the other week are you Rainbow Dash?” Rainbow Dash snorts at me “Yeah I’m still upset, you paralyzed me you creep.” Oh sorry, but you shouldn’t have been spying on our date. “Yeah! Well, I wouldn’t have been doing it if you weren’t such a creep and I was right to be suspicious. What kind of a creep bring drugged tea to a date!” Rainbow Dash, I don’t ask you to justify your loyalty to your friends to me, please don’t ask me to justify my ancient family tradition I’ve already explained to you. “Uh fine, I let it go for now.”

Rarity address Rei “Well I for one, am glad you worked up the courage to leave the house. Nice to meet you Rei Ayanami dear, my name is Rarity. I am the seamstress and owner of Carousel Boutique where everything is chic, unique and magnific. If you ever need a new dress I can help you. Speaking of which I love the one your wearing now, you have very good taste.”

“I didn’t pick this dress, Grim chooses all my clothes for me,” says Rei.

Rarity is taken surprised by this, probably because she has never seen me in anything but my top hat and coat mortician outfit. “Oh, then he has very good taste.” Why thank you Rarity that means a lot coming from such a talented fashionista as yourself. “Your welcome dear. I am simply speaking the truth but why doesn’t she pick her own clothes?” Rarity asks me but I let Rei answer for herself.

“I don’t have any fashion sense and he enjoys it.”

Oh please tell me she did not just say that. There is no way that Miss my special talent is bringing out the inner beauty of my subject is going to let that go.

“Oh, then you simply must come by my Boutique some time so that I can help you to expand your wardrobe.”

“That won’t be necessary,” says Rei.

It really isn’t, Rei's dress is actually part of my medium, the same as my own clothes. It is capable of transforming and is self-repairing as she needs so she’s never going to need a new dress.

“Oh but I insist. Why just imagine how much I can teach you about the world of fashion.”

Rei looks to me for help. “Rarity stop! Rei isn’t that well socially adapted, you have to let her come to you in her own time or you will scare her away.” Rarity realizes what she’s doing “Oh I'm sorry Rei dear, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Rei let out a sigh of relief and then say “Thank you for your understanding.”

Now that I think about it, Pinkie Pie wasn’t the only quiet pony in this episode but that’s much more in character for Fluttershy, it’s not surprising she hasn’t said hello yet.

“So Fluttershy, you know and Rei-Chan have something in common.” We do? Asks sweet treats. “Yes, both of you are vegetarian.” Fluttershy and I may not talk to much because of how disturbing she finds me which isn’t really helped by the fact that the presence of my shadow drops the temperature around me by about three degrees. But she did tell me that she became a vegetarian when she discovered she could talk to animals.

“Yes, it is true that I dislike eating meat.” Say Rei

Fluttershy gains some enthusiasm “Oh, that’s nice! I don’t often meet fellow pony vegetarian. We could exchange recipes, I have a good one for Vegetable Lasagne. I mean, if you want to”

“That would be nice. Grim makes ratatouille.”

Aww, Rei-Chan made a friend. Any further conversation as the show starts. The side of the wagon comes down and folds out into a stage.

“Come one, come all, come and witness the amazing magic of “The Great and Powerful Trixie.”

Oh my god, it’s even more annoying in real life. My ears press flat against my head as “The Greatly Inadequate Trixie” appears on stage in a puff of smoke which impresses the audience.

(Trixie Lulamoon, time left to live: 62, 2 months, 2 weeks, 3 days, 21 hours, 36 minutes, 17 seconds)

“Watch in awe as The Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!” Fireworks and a Catherine wheel and other pyrotechnics go off at the sides of the stage for dramatic effect.

Rarity expresses her displeasure at Trixie over blow introduction. “My, my, my, what boasting.” Spike begins to add his two cents before he notices how close he is standing to Rarity. “Come on, nopony is as magical as Twi-Twi-Twi... Uh hum. Hey, Rarity I um... Mustdash!” he quickly moved his nervous, flustered self away from the object of his affection. Twilight takes the spot he previously occupied.

“There’s nothing wrong with being talented is there?” she asks. “Nothing at all” replies Applejack as Trixie performs the flower conjuration illusion. “Except when somepony goes showing it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons.”

It wouldn’t have impressed me even she really could conjure flowers. I’ve been to the Pottermore universe. Flower conjuration is only a fourth-year spell.

Rarity continues. “Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us.”

Yeah! Say Rainbow Dash. “Especially when we’ve got me around being better than the rest of us.” Oh careful there Rainbow Dash, your ego is showing. I say as Applejack gives her the stink eye which leads to her quickly changing her tune. “I mean um, MAGIC SMAGIC, BOO!

She just had to shout it didn’t she. Trixie had heard her of course, how could she not when we are standing in the front row a mere two meters from the stage.

“Well, well, well, it seems that there are some neigh-sayers in the audience. Who is so ignorant to challenge the magical ability of The Great and Powerful Trixie. Do they not know that they are in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?”

Yes, we probably are but it’s not you Miss razzle-dazzle.

Huff “Just who does she think she is?” asks Rarity. Yeah, say Spike who then starts to claim that Twilight Sparkle is the most powerful unicorn but Twilight shushes him a drags him away for a quick word before they come back. I didn’t hear any of it but if we are still on script then Twilight just told Spike to keep it down because after seeing how much Trixie is annoying our friends she's afraid that they will think less of her if they find out how good she is at magic.

Rainbow Dash flies up to Trixie and as her what makes her think she's such hot shit and Trixie starts spinning a tall tale told with crude neon light style illusions about how she saved the town of Hoofington from being attacked by a giant star called an Ursa Major. I know she’s an entertainer and that telling tall tales and exaggerating her abilities is what she's supposed to do but she really gets on my nerves plus there is one little detail in her story that’s always bugged me and now I get to be a smart arse about it.

“Question” What? the annoyed stage performer snaps at me. “Did you provoke the Ursa Major into attacking the town of Hoofington the first place?” What? No! The Great and Powerful Trixie would never do such a thing! why would you think that?

Because you said you “sent it back to its cave deep in the Everfree Forest” and whilst there is nothing wrong with saying there is a cave in the Everfree Forest the only way to know the cave's location is if you went there yourself.

“Buh, buh!”

Oh ho ho, the look on her face as she realizes the implications is absolutely priceless. Not to mentioned the stunned look of the audience.

“Well um, The Great and Powerful Trixie simply dumped the Ursa Major in the first cave she found that was large enough to contain it, it may have not been the Ursa Major’s cave but it worked, Hoofington was saved and that is all that matters.” Oh so you didn’t send it back, you took it back? “Um, yes I took it back to The Everfree Forest.”

Ha, she’s starting to sweat now. That’s ok, I'll let her go now.
“I suppose that’s a plausible answerer, you may continue with your show now.”

No sooner had I finished speaking the town’s dumb dumb duo Snips and Snails, voice there admiration for the show mare. “So sweet!” they say as one. These two colts are about ten years old and both unicorn. Snips, whose cutie mark is an open pair of scissors, is short and chubby with a bluish grey coat and a messy light brown mane and Snails is a lanky colt a foot taller than his friend, has a dark mustard coat and has his light turquoise mane in a bowl cut. His cutie mark is a purple snail.

“That settles it,” said Snips. Snails moved up in front of the stage. “Trixie really is the most talented, most magical, most awesome unicorn in all of Ponyville” Snips then sprung up to stand to the right of Snails “No! In all of Equestria!” he enthusiastically declares to the crowd, spreading his forelegs wide in the air in empathies.

Spike tries to start up about Twilight again but like before Twilight blocks him but this time by magical conjuring a zip on his lips and drawing it shut. The Humble and Modest Trixie was flattered by the praise but downplayed her abilities.

“Ha ha ha, yes it’s true my enthusiastic admirers. Trixie is the most powerful unicorn in all the land!”

If you haven’t figured out I was being sarcastic about her being humble and modest by now I don’t know what to say.

“I see by the look on your faces that you still doubt my power. You think that you can do better than me? Then I challenge any of you Ponyvillians who thinks that they are more talented than The Great and Powerful Trixie! Any thing you can do I can do better.”

“HA!” I yell.

“It’s true, I can do anything better than you!”

Oh, she didn’t! I'm not letting this go, I feel like I’m overdue for a song as it is. I should have had one when I was on my date and besides, it’s a classic.

“No you can’t”
“Yes I can”
“No you can't”
“Yes I can, yes I can!”

As it tends to happen in Equestria, when I climb up to take my place upon the stage some appropriate music starts playing from nowhere which was jarring to everyone but they go along with it like they always do except in that one time in the episode “Somepony to watch over me” where the CMC didn’t have time for it.

“Anything you can be I can be greater, sooner or later I’m greater than you.”
“No your not.”
“Yes I am.”
“No your not.”
“Yes I am.”
“No your not.”
“Yes I am, yes I am!”
“I summon two reefs, of black roses, that beats you one a bouquet of poesies.”

A swirl of my coat reveals two reefs of black roses mounted on easels are now on the stage. The crowd cries in awe.

“Whys that even matter? Have a peanut butter cracker.”

She then proceeds to pull a peanut butter cracker from nowhere and shoves it in my mouth. I choke on it in surprise and the crowd laughs.

“I can make mice dance with ease.”
“Just like that?”
“Yep.”
“So can a cat.”

Oh, burn! All she’s done so far is to belittle and dismiss me and yet the crowd is on her side. Actually, come to think of it the only pony's challenge she actually met in this episode was Applejack challenge to do a rope trick. She just assaulted Rainbow Dash and subverted Rarity's beauty contest.

“Anything you fought I’ve fought stronger.”
“When I go into battle I last longer than you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes I do.”
“Well, you haven’t.”
“Yes, I have.”
“It’s a lie.”
“No, it’s true.”
“HE ONCE FOUGHT, NIGHTMARE MOON!”
Shout all of the Mane six, except for Pinkie Pie because she left duh!
“What! For real?” Trixie asked. “Yep” I answer “Dang! All right, call it a draw.”

I take a quick look behind the stage curtain and find a chest full of props. I open it and pull out a target board and some throwing knives.

“Any knife you can throw I can throw better.”
“I can throw any knife better than you.”

“We’ll start from eight." My knife hits dead centre.

“Now ten steps.” Her knife hits just above mine.

“Now from twelve.” My knife hits between the previous two.

“Next fourteen.” Her knife drops half an inch.

“Sixteen steps.” It matches hers.

“Eighteen next.” Her knife is almost in the middle circle. I’ve got this one, which is good. One more and I would run out of stage.

“Three apples! Thirty steps!” In this episode, Applejack finished her rope trick by lassoing an apple from a tree that was off the side of the stage. I have been moved away from that tree to the far end of the stage when throw my last knife which flies through the air, cutting the stems of three apples before it gets lodged in a branch. Trixie stares with her mouth open and the audience is equally amazed.

“How do you throw knives like that?” she asks me. “I’ve been training since I was four,” I reply. “Weirdo,” she says, pulling a novelty size deck of cards from the chest and the smug grin returns to her face.

“Any trick you can do I can do faster, I am the master I’m faster than you.”
“Just fan the cards.” She fans the cards.
“Pick A card.” I take one.
“I got a card.”
“Show the crowd.” I show the crowd my card but instead of putting it back in the deck I let the crowd see me use sleight of hand or slight of hoof as they call it, to sneak the card into my coat instead of putting it in the deck.

“Now is this your card?”
“That’s not my card.”
“Is this your card?”
“That’s not card.”
“Is this your card?”
“That’s not my card.”
“HE NEVER PUT BACK HIS CARD!” The audience shouts in unison and then proceeds to laugh at Trixie's humiliation.

“Here’s the linking ring trick, isn’t it a classic.” I link two solid brass rings together.
“I can do one better, I can conjure weather.” She conjures a cloud that shoots a bolt of lightning at me. “OW!”
“I can sneak into any room.”
“Without being spotted?”
“Yep.”
“That’s what I thought you creep.”
She goes back to the chest and pulls out some puppets. One is a grey rabbit the other is a black duck. She passes me the duck and takes the rabbit for herself and uses her magic to manipulate the rabbit from a distance.

“Anything puppet trick you can do I can do better, down to the letter I’m better than you.”

“No you can't.” I just make the duck flap its wings.

“Yes I can.” Trixie sings, making her rabbit dab.

“No you can't.” I sing while making the duck cross one wing in front if its chest and wag the other, pointing it condescendingly.

“Yes I can.” Trixie sang, making her rabbit point at itself and then do jazz hands.

“No you can't.” My duck jumps up into the air with its wing spread then comes down and does the worm then flips up on to its head to do three spins and lands on its side with its head propped up on one wing.

“Yes I can.” Trixie’s rabbit did a triple summersault and landed on its knees with arms outstretched. “Ta-Da!” Said the rabbit. Trixie had thrown her voice that time.
“Yes you ca-a-a-an!”
“I can’t throw my voice,” I tell the crowd.

Oh! we skipped the part about her wearing my clothes better than me and the one about getting better prices. That would mean we’ve gotten to the part of the song where thing get a bit silly.
“I can shoot a cannon.”
“I can smoke a salmon.”
“I can work with leather.”
“I can stitch it better.”
“I can do most anything."
“Can you tie a bow tie?”
“No.”
“Neither can I.”
“Anything you can sing I can sing sweeter I can sing anything sweeter than you.”
“N-oh you can-t.”
“Ye-s I can.”
“N-oh you ca-a_n’t.”
“Y-ha-es I can.”
“Oh n-oh you can’t.”
“Oh yes I can.”
“No you can’t, can’t, can’t!”
“Yes I can, can, can!”
“Yes (No) I (You) ca-a-a-an! (ca-a-a-an't!)

We catch our breaths as the crowd stomps out wild applause. Trixie speaks first.

“Well, the Great and Powerful Trixie has never been challenged like that before. But once again she rises victorious.” I shake my head. “I think that’s for the audience to decide, in fact, did anyone keep score?” I did replies a voice I haven’t heard in a while. “Is that you Doctor Hooves?” Yes, it’s me, I can’t believe that neither of you knows how to tie a bow tie. “That’s not the issue right now, who won?” Yes, tell everypony of Trixie's triumphant victory. “I can’t you tied.”

“WHAT!” Trixie and I said together.

“How? I conjured more flowers then her, and they were arranged better too.” Yes but then she choked you with a cracker in a comical manner which gave her that round and she was right about the cat but as you made no demonstration and she offered no counter trick, that one was a draw as was the following round where you matched her Ursa Major with Nightmare Moon.

“Ok good point,” I admit.

“You didn’t actually score a point until the knife throwing contest and another when you sabotaged her card trick but she evened the score when she shocked you with the lightning bolt.”

Trixie smiled and the crowd murmured in agreement but the Doc continued.

“It didn’t stay that way for long though as you borough up your impressive stealth skills which you have demonstrated in public several times and to which she had no answer but to call you a creep. Seeing that being creepy is your special talent that’s definitely a point to you.”

I smile “Yes and then she beat me when she threw her voice, right?”
That’s correct. Replied Doc “Then there was the whole salmon, cannon thing. Those things aren’t even comparable, honestly, it seemed like the two of you were just pulling stuff out of your plots at that point.”

Trixie and I both have embraced looks on our faces at that comment.

“Trixie then claimed she can stitch leather better than you but as neither of you actually demonstrated it so we can’t judge you on it. Seriously, you can’t tie a bow tie?”

“No Doc I can’t tie a bow tie. I can never get both sides even, one end is always bigger than the other. I just use one of those velcro ones if it’s really important, just let it go already!”

“Ok, I’ll drop it, that leaves you two tied at 3-3 you were even on singing sweetly.” Trixie is not happy with these results.

“Outrageous! Trixie is the most powerful unicorn! she demands a tiebreaker.”

Oh she does, does she? Well, who am I to disappoint her? Oh that’s right I'm Grim Gill and I don’t like her.

“Nah I’m good thanks.” I say causally before jumping off the stage and start trotting away with Rei and Applejack following me. Trixie's jaw drops and the audience laughs.

“COME BACK HERE! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE ISN’T FINISH WITH YOU!”

“Oh that's to bad I’m afraid our time is up. The Great and Powerful Trixie will have to book another appointment, the next available time slot will be in... When I give a buck!”

This sets the crowd off on another round of laughter.

Trixie tries to pull me back with her levitation but I brake her hold on me. I turn around to faces her with a great big smug grin on my face.

“That’s 3-4 I win. enjoy the rest of the show everyone, for it is time for me to take my leave. Thank you all and have a wonderful day.”

I bow and the audience is laughing now that some of them can barely stand, Rainbow Dash is literally rolling on the ground laughing and you would think there was a stamped from the noise of all the applause they are giving me. I can barely hear Trixie screaming in frustration from the stage.

After we leave the town square Applejack kisses me on the cheek and says “That was quite the show honey, couldn’t have done it better ma self.”

“Thank you dear, It was worth it to make you laugh.” I say nuzzling her ear. She chuckles and the corners of Rei’s mouth twitch into a faint smile.

I straighten up and then say to my companions “Come on you two, let's all go have Hay fries and veggie pies at The Horseshoe Inn. My treat.”

......

Later as night falls over Ponyville, Rei and I are sitting unseen on the roof the of a building, watching as Snips and Snails lead a giant blue star bear towards the town square were Trixie who is in her wagon preparing for bed. Suddenly I felt something and jump bolt upright “Ah, shit!” I exclaim.

“I take it that you didn’t want that to happen.” Says Rei who had felt the same thing I did. “No I didn’t, fortunately, it shouldn’t change to much but still it’s not a good thing by any stretch of the imagination. “Do you wish to intervene now?” I take a moment to consider if any other non-scripted event that might happen. “No, we'll let Trixie take her crack at it first. Oh! and there goes her wagon, The Great and Powerful Trixie is homeless.”

Cue my schadenfreude grin.

“Let's go down there,” I say, taking Rei by the hoof and shadow teleporting down next to The Greatly Inadequate Trixie. "Hello,” You! Trixie snaps at me, clearly not happy to see me but Snips and Snails are. “It’s Grim Gill, there both here!” say Snips. “Oh yeah, this is going to be good!” say Snails.

“You look like your trying to fight a giant star bear, would you like some help?”

Cue mocking grin.

“Trixie has the situation well under control.” Says the now angry mare who is in way over her head. She conjures a small storm cloud over the Ursa by then nothing happens.
“Well, that was a dud.” Say Snails. “Yeah, come on where’s all the smoke and explosions and cool stuff from earlier? You know,” asks Snips.
Then the storm cloud shot a bolt of lighting at the bear's hindquarters like she had with me earlier but all she achieved was to further provoke the already angry giant star bear.

“WAOHW!”

Whoa! That was far louder than anyone else has shouted at me so far in Equestria, worst case of bad breath to. Trixie is visibly shaken, whereas I’m still smiling and Rei is expressionless. “Uh oh!” says Trixie which is followed by the five of us running to dodge a swipe from the angry fifteen-foot tall bear.

“You're right Trixie, I see now that you have the situation well in hand.” Oh, shut up! As if you could do any better! Trixie retorts. “You’ve never actually fought a creature so much bigger than yourself before have you?” Of course not!

“WHAT?” yell Snips and Snails. Trixie turns her head back to look at them with an embraced look on her face. I think she might have forgotten they were there for a moment.

“It’s true, Trixie, I mean I confess. I can't vanquish an Ursa Major, nopony can. I’ve never even seen one until now. I just made it up to make me look better.”

“Made It Up!” the dumb dumb duo say together.

Don’t hold your breath dear, you still haven’t. All the noise of property destruction and roaring had brought may ponies out of their homes who all just heard Trixie's confession. This includes Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash but no Pinkie or Fluttershy.

“I have a confession to make too,” I admit.

“WHAT?” Yelled Trixie and her two fans together. “I lied when I was up on stage,” You mean you can work with leather? Interrupts Snips. “You can’t make mice dance?” asks Snails.

“No, no, of course, I can do those things!” Then what did you lie about? Asks Trixie. “Well you see, the thing I lied about was,” is all I say before I disappear before there eyes. “Aargh, that coward ran away!” says Trixie, her sentiment is echoed by her fans. “Ah man! What a rip, says Snips. “Total bummer!” agrees Snails.

“He's not gone.” Say Rei in her normal emotionless tone. Suddenly my voice is heard coming from all directions.

“Come little children, I'll take the away. In to a land of enchantment. Come little children, the times come to play, here in my garden of shadows.”

Applejack face hoofed. “Oh of course, how could ah forget that Grim Gill can throw his voice like that! He did the same darn thing at Sugarcube Corner, back when ah made those terrible cupcakes which hospitalised Pinkie and Derpy. Course, back then he did it all creepy like.” Other ponies who had been present that day murmur in agreement and wonder how they too could have missed such a lie but their attention is soon brought back to the Ursa, who has stopped rampaging and is now swaying back and forth on its feet with his eyes half closed.

Rei trots over to talk to Twilight Sparkle. “You can help to Twilight.” Twilight stumbles back a bit. “What me? How could I help? I’m nothing special,” Rei stops her. “Twilight, you are the element of magic. Your play small does not serve the World. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking out of the fear of what others may think of about you. Go and shine like you were born to do and make manifest of the glory of Faust that is within you.”

“Did you just try to motivate me by miss quoting Coach Canter? ” asks Twilight.

“No, Coach Canter was quoting a book by Marianne Whinnyson. Now get out there and save Ponyville.”

Sometimes I worry about the influence I have on Rei.

"Hush now dear children, it must be this way, too weary of life and deceptions, sleep now my children for soon we'll away into the calm and the quite."

“Right!” says Twilight who straightens up and steps forward having now gotten her confidence back. Her horn glows brightly and Ponyville’s water tower gets split from its legs, the roof twists of and the water is tipped out. “That’s a new one” comments Spike as the now empty water tank is levitated through the dairy barn where all the cows live and comes out the other side filled with milk, the roof is then screwed back on but now with a hole in the top. I form a giant pram out of my black Nightmare sand, Twilight levitates the Ursa into it and gives it the tank which it starts drinking from like a giant baby bottle. Then I wheel the big baby back into the Everfree forest, lower my sand and disintegrate the pram when his on the ground and then exit the shadows back in Ponyville town square next to Twilight, were all the ponies cheer and Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity gather around us.

“That was amazing!” exclaimed Spike. “Amazing? Are you kidding? It was awesome!” said an ecstatic Rainbow Dash. “Ya can say that again, we knew you two had ability but not that much.” Twilight is relieved “Oh thank Faust! I thought you would all hate me.” Hate you? All our friends say together. Well except Spike, of course, he already knows why Twilight was afraid.

“Why whatever do you mean darling?” asks Rarity. “Well, I know how you all hated Trixie showing off her magic and thought that if you saw how good I am at magic then you would hate me too.” Whoa, whoa, Twilight! Says Rainbow Dash, “Magic has nothing to do with it. Trixie’s just a loud mouth.” Yes, she is most unpleasant. Agrees Rarity followed by Applejack saying that Trixie is “All hat and no cattle.”

“So you don’t mind my magic tricks?” Asks Twilight. Applejack then tells her that “Your magic is part of who you are sugarcube, just like being creepy by doing things like disappearing and singing a song about the kidnapping and implied murder of children, is part of who Grim Gill is.”

“Oh Applejack, you flatterer you,” I say, and sit on the ground with one hoof under my chin and the other doing that oh stop it wave thing people do sometimes when others have said something nice about them.

“And we like who you are. We’re proud ta have such a powerful and talented unicorn as our friend.” Yeah! Says Rainbow Dash. “And after the way you dealt with that Ursa Major, we're even prouder.” You are? Asks Twilight who receives approval from all our friends.

“Wow, you guys were amazing! But how did you know what to do with that Ursa Major?” Spike asks us. “That’s what I was studying when you came to get me. I was so intrigued by Trixie's bragging that I was compelled to do a little reading up on them.” Twilight replies. “So it is possible to vanquish an Ursa Major all by yourself?”

“Who know Spike but that wasn’t a full-grown Ursa Major. That was just a baby, why do you think we did use any aggressive tactics?”

“That was just a baby?” Exclaimed the Greatly Humiliated Trixie.
If you pause at this part you will notice that Pinkie Pie has suddenly appeared behind Derpy. I don’t know why she hasn’t come forward, maybe she actually took her meds this episode.

“Oh! the giant pram and baby bottle makes a lot more sense now.” Says a random pony in the crowd who I believe may be Colgate but It might have been Minuet. I can’t tell for sure as I can’t see them properly.

Twilight continues our explanation.

“It was an Ursa Minor to be exact. Also it wasn’t rampaging, it was just cranky because somepony woke it up.”

Every pony gathered gives the dumb, dumb duo the stink eye. They have the decency to look ashamed.
“Wait! If that was an Ursa Minor, then what is an Ursa Major like?” I know Twilight's not going to tell him but I will. “An Ursa Major is about four maybe five times bigger, midnight purple with two fangs protruding down from its mouth which are about as thick as tree trunks.”

They're even bigger in canon but I just have trouble believing that you can hide approximately eighty-foot tall glowing bear in a forest that’s so close to a town when the trees of said forest only grow about thirty feet tall. So I made mine only forty-five feet and the Everfree Forest the size of London.

“SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA! YOU TWO IDIOTS ALL MOST BROUGHT THAT INTO TOWN!” Rainbow Dash yelled at the dumb, dumb duo who took offence to that.

“Hey! We're not idiots.” Say Snails “Yeah! All our parents and Miss Cheerilee agree that we’re two halves of a whole moron.” Says Snips. They then proceed to hoof bump like they think that’s a good thing. There are moans from the gathered ponies but also unanimous agreement with the statement.

Trixie comes over to Twilight and I. “Ha. The two of you may have vanquished an Ursa Minor together but you will still never have the amazing show-stopping ability of The Great and Powerful Trixie!” she reared up on her hind legs and drop a smoke bomb which concealed her from view for a second but when it clears we see her running away, to bad I’m not fished with her yet. I pull a wooden bucket out of my coat and hoof it to Rei who lobs it at the retreating mare and it beans her in the head. The Greatly Inadequate Trixie goes down and slides to a stop.

Twilight looks horrified. “Why did you do that!” Rei turns to her and gives a chilling reply.
“Because if Grim had thrown the bucket, she would be dead.”

Twilight and all who had heard her shiver. I casually trot over to Trixie as she rubbing her head.

“What do you want now? Hasn’t Trixie been humiliated enough?” No. I reply and rope comes out of my sleeve which ties Miss Lulamoon up. “What is the meaning of this? Release Trixie this instant!” There is something I must show you before you leave Miss Lulamoon. This got her attention. “How do you know that name? Trixie never told anypony here her name?” I levitate her and start trotting. “It is like Doc told you back during the show Miss Lulamoon. My special talent is being creepy.”

Rei has lead Spike and those of the Mane six who are present over to us, they are very curious as to what is going on. “What’s this about Grim Gill? Rei said that there was something you wanted to show us but she won’t say what it is.” Twilight asks, “Yeah Grimmy, what’s with the suspense? Why not just tell us?” asks Pinkie, but with none of her normal enthusiasm.

I answer them but do not stop walking or face them as I do.

“I cannot say, my mind is blank on what words may prepare you for what you will see. This cannot be avoided any longer than it already has.”

We walk in silence until we came in sight of our destination and all the ponies gasped in horror at what they saw. All except for one.

“AAAAH! MOTHER! FATHER! SWEETIE BELLE!” Screams Rarity hysterically before she ran towards the Belle family home which is partially demolished by a tree that the Ursa Minor had knocked over on its way through town.

Quickly all of us except for the tied up Miss Lulamoon started digging through the rubble, searching for survivors. With mine and Rei's ability to sense Ki, we are able to rescue Sweetie Belle within minutes.
Fortunately, she had been in her room at the end of the house farthest from the tree so she was alive and mostly unhurt with only a few scrapes and a mild concussion.

Myself and the others continued to dig in the hope of that we might find Mr and Mrs Belle still alive while Rarity comforted her little sister and takes her to stay overnight at Ponyville General Hospital, but secretly Rei and I knew that all our efforts were to be for not as we had felt their lives get snuffed out back when had been watching the approaching Ursa Minor from the rooftop.

When we find Mr and Mrs Belle an hour later and they are not a pretty sight. It was so bad that when Pinkie Pie saw them her normally curly cotton candy mane and tail made a sound like a rapidly deflating balloon and became tidy and straight.
They had been in their bedroom which unfortunately was room closest to the tree and they had been crushed before they ever knew of the danger.

Anyone who had fallen asleep in the past hour is awoken by Rarity's blood-curdling scream.

“NOOOOO!”

Under normal circumstances, Rarity would have fainted at least once by now but I think this situation is so beyond normal for her that her faint reflex is in shock. Everyone, including some onlookers who gathered to see what all the fuss is about, is now crying.

That is to say everyone except Rei, myself and Applejack. Rei and I have sombre looks on our faces but those aren’t new, we’ve been like that since Trixie got hit by the bucket. Applejack has a sombre expression as well but unlike the two of us, she is crying on the inside.

I walk over to Trixie and say “Are you happy now?” This of course is a rhetorical question as Trixie is crying just like many of the other ponies. “Of course not! I never wanted this, I just wanted to entertain! No pony was supposed to get hurt. It’s just a show!” Well, someone did get hurt and now Miss Rarity and her little sister are orphans. None of this was directly your fault Miss Lulamoon, mostly I blame the dumb, dumb duo's parents for not keeping a better eye on the “two halves of a whole moron” that they know there kids to be. But as this event has negatively affected your image here in Ponyville I don’t think you should show your face here for a long time.
Turns out that Rarity heard me as she buts in.

“YES! MAKE HER GO AWAY, GRIM GILL. I DON’T WANT SEE HER EVER AGAIN AND I WILL BE HAVING SERIOUS WORDS WITH BOTH OF SNIPS AND SNAILS PARENTS!”

Oh boy she is pissed, I take a bouquet of black roses and hold them in front of Miss Lulamoon's face. “Why are you giving me flowers now? You should give them to Rarity. She’s the one who lost her parents.” Oh I will, this is as much for her as it is for you. I say before I squeeze the hidden trigger that shoots a cloud of paralysis powder in Miss Lulamoon's face. Now that she has no muscle control she can also no longer maintain her seated position and falls over in the ground, she is afraid once again.

“Why would you do that? I was already unable to move.” I need a little more fear so I give her my creepy grin. “Because Miss Lulamoon, the time has come to get rid of you,” I say in an ominous fashion and felt her fear rise further. I materialise one of my black sand Nightmares which snorts aggressively at the bound blue mare. I place the end of the rope in its mouth and say “Enjoy your flight Miss Lulamoon.” What do you mean my flight? Trixie nervously asks but instead of replying a give the Nightmare a slap on the rump and she takes off into the night sky with her screaming passenger.

“AAAAah!"

“Don’t you think that was a little harsh Grim Gill?” Twilight asks me. “I mean you did say yourself that this wasn’t really her fault.” I pull a flyer out of my coat and turn to show it to Twilight. “Do you know who this pony is?” I ask her pointing as much as a pony can without fingers to one of the two stallions depicted on the Las Pegasus magic show flyer. “It says his name is Jack Pot. What are you getting at?”

“Lulamoon” I reply smugly. “His full name is Jack Pot, Paul, Lulamoon. I just sent The Great and Recently Homeless Trixie on a one way trip to her father’s by Scare Air.”

This caused the crying and distraught, Rarity to Laugh up a storm.
......
End of Chapter.

Author's Note

Hipin: "Oh God damn it Grim Gill, you arrogant arse! You were supposed to get Trixie killed off not Rarity's parents out of carelessness. And that song! You were meant to lose that! Why won't you bloody do what I tell you to?"

Rei: "Why would he? He is an incarnation of you and you never do what you are told."

Hipin: Oh, that's right... Bollocks!"