It's been eleven days since the Poison joke incident and I'm visiting the Apple family because of an unfortunate “accident” that happened today.

I defiantly hadn’t spent a week observing Big Mac and then arranged the delivery time of my custom made adjustable tables to be delivered by Derpy who has a reputation of being accident-prone to coincide with when Big Mac would be passing a junction at the bottom of a hill. I most certainly wasn’t hiding in the shadows from where I totally didn’t use my telekinesis to undo her harness straps which sent the cart rolling down said hill where it would collide with the eldest of the Apple siblings hard enough to break some ribs which would prevent him from working for the first two weeks of Applebuck season. No, I was not present during the “accident” at all so it came as a complete “surprise” to me when Derpy told me about the “accident” so after accepting the delivery I rushed over to Sweet Apple Acres to see how bad it was. It’s a good thing it hadn’t been the much heavier embalming table with integrated sink that had hit him, he might have died. That won’t be delivered until this afternoon, it's not like I planned this or anything.

By the time I reach Sweet Apple Acres Big Mac has gotten back from the hospital with his barrel wrapped in bandages in the same manner I had been about two weeks before. He is standing with Applejack, overlooking the orchard as they talk about this seasons crop. “Boy howdy! we’ve done well this year Big Mac. That there must be the biggest bumper crop of apples I've ever laid ma eyes on and that’s despite Rainbow Dash slacking off on the rain. Yep, there ain’t nopony who can grow apples like the Apple family.”

“I’ll say, those are some beautiful apples you've got there Applejack.” Applejack and Big Mac jump for a moment before turning around to face me. “Grim Gill! Where did you come from?” I clear my throat and make a serious face. “Well you see Applejack when a Mommy pony and a Daddy pony love each other very much, tee sorry couldn’t resist. Derpy told me about the accident Big Mac was involved in and I being your concern friend decided I should come and see how bad your brother's injury are for myself.”

Now If only that where true, don’t get me wrong I love the big guy but not so much that I wouldn’t manipulate the circumstances to make sure he got injured when he was supposed to and not rely on fate to give me the opportunity to get Applejack to take my suckers bet.

“Well, that might kind of ya ain’t it Big Mac?” Eeyep says the big red stallion. “He ain’t much worst off than you when ya fought Nightmare Moon but he busted up four ribs instead of two. The Doctor says he should heal in about the same time but ill need ta take it easy for another week after that which means I gotta harvest this lot by myself for the first half of Applebuck season. But that ain’t a problem, Sure I’ve got ma work cut out for me but ah ain’t meet an orchard yet that ah couldn’t handle, I'll take a bite out if this by days end.”

There’s the smoke, time for me to pinch back. “Haha no way, dream on Applejack. You won’t get halfway done by the time Big Mac recovers.” The noble bearer of the Element of Honesty couldn’t take the assault on her pride laying down. “What ya don’t believe me? Ah could harvest the entire orchard by myself if ah had to.”

“Nooo you couldn’t,” I say teasingly. “Are you doubting me?” asks the Jack of apples. I turn to Big Mac “Geeze I don’t know what do you think Big Macintosh, can she do it? Can Applejack harvest the entire orchard by herself?” Nope, says the Jack of apples older brother.

“Are you two saying ah'm making promises ma legs can’t keep?” Yep, Eeyep, Big Mac and I say together. He’s giving me a funny look now, that's fair we haven’t really talked much outside of me buying Apples and Gilda's party.

“Common now colts this is me Applejack talking. The most dependable and reliable of ponies.” I’m going to let Big Mac take this one. “But that’s still only one pony and one pony plus hundreds of apple trees just doesn’t add up.” Now she’s really getting steamed “don’t you go using your fancy mathematics to muddle the issue, Ah said ah could handle it and can.”

Now! Strike now!

“Would you care to make a bet on that?” You can bet your sweet behind she would.

“Ya darn tooting ah am. When ah’m done harvesting the entire orchard ya paying to fix up the roof on the old barn.” Oh, you are so going to wish you asked for more my little Apple pony, “And when you fail to harvest the entire orchard all by yourself, you have to go on a date with me, deal?” I ask holding out my hoof to the suddenly quiet earth pony. She hesitates then steels herself before staring me straight in the eye and firmly shaking my hoof.

“Deal! Ah'll prove it ta you two doubting McCarthy’s, Ah'm gonna harvest the entire orchard, all by ma self.”

She’s not looking so sure now but we shook on it, it’s too late. What's a common slang term for a lollypop?

......

An hour later sees me pruning my favourite black roses in the window box outside of my home and place of business when the ground starts shaking which can only mean one thing.

A couple of cows had an accident and now one cow has its head lodged up the other one’s butt and they’re running around in a panic trying to separate from each other ... Ok putting bad jokes about animation errors aside there is a heard of cows stampeding towards Ponyville which could cause a moderate amount of property damage if it hits. At least Pinkie's should be having fun, the vibrations will be making her voice sound silly but I can’t hear her she's near the town centre and I’m a block away, plus a lot of ponies are screaming their heads off.

I don’t want to miss the show so I gallop down the road and join five of the mane six who are standing with Mare Mayor in front of the bridge into Ponyville looking out at the oncoming stampede. Not really the best place to stand to watch an approaching stamped but it doesn’t matter, Applejack arrives just in time with her dog Winona and start herding the loosely scattered bovines into a single organised group. Ponies start yelling words of encouragement and Pinkie Pie declares it the best rodeo she's ever seen and starts stuffing her face with a bucket of popcorn she pulled from only Faust knows where.

Together Applejack and Winona are able to steer the stampede away from town just before they reached the bridge causing much rejoice from the citizens of Ponyville. Applejack brings the cows to a stop and starts talking to them. It turns out that one of them saw a snake and freaked the rest of them out and before they knew it they were all running in fear even though only one of the saw the snake. There are those who claim that despite the progress humanity has made over the centuries we still have dumb caveman brains. These cows may have the ability to speak and function as a society but they still have share some of the same basic instincts as a hamburger. Speaking of which I’m hungry now, I’m going to go grab some fish and chips before Derpy delivers my embalming table.

......

It has been a productive week for me. I have all my tools, my air conditioners are up and running give my funeral home that haunted feeling, my embalming table with integrated sink is properly hooked up to the water main, I convinced Twilight Sparkle to teach me how to conjure magical shields, shot myself into the side of a cliff two hundred and eighty-two times and had some tea.

I should do something nice for Pinkie to thank her for lending me one of her party cannons but right now the citizens of Ponyville are doing something nice for Applejack to thank her for saving the town from the stamped a week ago.

In order to celebrate the achievement of the most reliable and dependable of ponies, Ponyville is the throwing a party in Applejack’s honour in the town square. Banners, streamers and balloons are all over the place and they even set up a stage to give speeches about how great she is and prepared a trophy to present her with in front of the town hall.

Rarity got the final pieces of apple themed decoration into place and twenty minutes later we are all set for the opening speech. Twilight took the podium and prepared to make her speech. She has spent day’s rehearsing and she brought a lot of note cards to help her if she forgets anything. Simply put she’s put a lot of work into it. What a tragic waste of time.

“Welcome everyone, today we are here to honour a pony we can always count on to help with matters great and small. A pony who’s contributions to” and that was when Rainbow Dash swooped in from the right, scattering Twilight carefully stacked note cards all over the stage forcing her to gather them up with her magic.

“Did you see Applejack's slick moves out there? What an athlete. This week she’s going to help me with my new fly trick and I know it’s going to be so awesome!”

Rainbow Dash pulled a really cute when she said “awesome,” what was less cute was when Twilight shoved her aside to take back the podium.

“Exactly and” which is far as she gets before Pinkie Pie spring up in front of her and takes the mic. There was even the sound of a small spring mechanism being released when she did so.

“This week I’m being left to run Sugarcube Corner for the first time.”

Twilight asks her what that has to do with Applejack, Pinkie Pie blinks twice before responding.

“Oh and Applejack, one of the best bakers ever is going to help me. Applejack makes everything great so free samples for everypony!”

There was much rejoice.

Twilight says “ok that’s nice” whilst shoving Pinkie Pie off the stage. “Now if I could make a point without being inter” Twilight?

Haha, she’s being interrupted Fluttershy of all ponies.

“Rupted,” says the grumpy Twilight who gives the shy yellow Pegasus the mic.

“Twilight, I’m so sorry but I just wanted to mention that Applejack will also be helping me this week with the official bunny census on account of all the new baby bunny’s that were born this season. She’s going to use her wonderful herding skills to gather all the baby bunnies up in one place.

Fluttershy passes the mic back to Twilight who asks if anyone else has anything to say and nobody does. “Good, so as I was trying to say” that is as far as she got before Mayor Mare came onto the stage and caught her attention. “Oh for Faust sake! I give up” she declares, throwing her carefully arranged note cards up in the air in frustration and stomps off the stage.

Mayor Mare clear her throat before speaking. “And now without further adieu it gives me the pleasure to present this “Outstanding Citizen of Ponyville Award” to one who saved the town from hundreds of thousands of bits worth of damage the stamped would have caused. A pony of the utmost trustworthiness, reliability and integrity. Ponyville's most capable and dependable friend, Applejack”

The crowd cheered before the stage curtains open to reveal an empty stage. Now might be a good time to mention that no one has seen Applejack for a week because she has been so busy bucking apples but everyone assumed that Applejack would make it in time for her award that no one had actually bothered to check if she was here. So whilst everyone else is going “where’s Applejack?” my laughter cut through the din.

“Ah ha oh ho ho! Mayor Mare did it again! She jumped the gun without checking to see if the guest of honour had arrived. That’s getting to be a bad habit for you Mayor but don’t worry Applejack hasn’t been kidnapped, she’s just late. Ah look here she comes now.” I point to the back of the crowd.

“Yep ah'm here, sorry ah'm late. Excuse me”

An exhausted looking Apple basket carrying Applejack, “Ah was busy with work” with dark bags beneath her eyes pushes her way to the front of the crowd “oh did ah get your tail?” and climbs onto the stage.

“Thank ya, Miss Mayor,” she says as she unintentionally pushes Mayor Mare off the stage. “For this here um award trophy thingy, hmm gasp, hee hee, I sure do look funny in this thing.” She says looking at her distorted reflection in the trophy’s shiny golden surface. Pinkie Pie joins her and the two start say “woo, woo, ” as they sway back and forth in amusement at the sight before them.

Twilight ignores there strange antics and continues the award ceremony. “Ok, well thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stamped and always being there for everypony.”

“N-hmm-oh problem Twilight. Ah’m always willing to help the ponyfolk. Well ah got t-haaw, to get back ta work. Goodbye Y'all.”

There’s a horrible screeching noise as Applejack clasp one hand of the trophy in her teeth and drags it off the stage followed by three thuds as it goes down the stairs and then a much more bearable earthly scraping sound as she drags it home along the ground.

Oh, Applejack. It brings me pain, pride and such entertainment to see you like this.

......

Two days into the second week of Applebuck Season I’m hiding in the shadows at Sugarcube Corner. A crowd of ponies has gathered eagerly to try free samples of the muffins that Applejack and Pinkie Pie baked together. However, in her sleep-deprived state, I witnessed Applejack make some very odd substitutions to the recipe. She substituted baking soda with soda pop, chocolate chips with potato chips and wheat germ with live worms.

I'm wondering if I should prevent the impending disaster or watch and laugh at the spectacle of a potential forty-eight or so ponies laying sick in hospital beds with food poisoning barfing their guts out. Eventually, I conclude that no one is going to die from this so there is no profit in it for me and there for the ponies would be suffering needlessly and I make my move for the baked bads.

“Line up everypony for Sugarcube Corner's free sample Muffin spectacular!” the ever-enthusiastic Pinkie Pie announced to the gathered customers. “That’s right free Muffin spectacles for everypony.”

Hee, “Muffin spectacles” whose a silly pony? You a silly pony, who is? You is Applejack.

“Nooo, Nooo, Don’t touch them! you will suffer!” I call out from the shadows, adding a reverberating and distant whisper effect to my voice which seemed to come from all directions for increased disorientation. I levitate all forty-eight muffins into the air, two of which had been in the hooves of ponies which Applejack had severed as she had been speaking. I make them circle in the air before I deliver the next line. “These are not baked goods, they are baked ba-a-adds, they must be destroyed!”

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that in front of the muffin loving mail mare Ditzy-doo Derpy Hooves and the pink maniac because now they're all like “No!” and start diving for the muffins, eating them as fast as they can and all I’m like “Oh Shit!” and dart from the shadows out the front door with the forty-one remaining muffins and the two mares in hot pursuit.

“Grim Gill! You come back with those Muffins! Those are for everypony, not just you!”

Wow, not only has Pinkie Pie completely misread the situation she must be pretty mad at me too, that’s the first time she’s actually used my name. Thinking I would only have to deal with Derpy I gather my black nightmare sand beneath me and form it into a female horse and we take to the sky. Yes, yes I know I said that they leave you alone if you're not afraid of them but that doesn’t matter because Derpy is afraid of losing the muffins I’m stealing. As long as there is fear they are still useful and Derpy's fear will feed the nightmare keeping me just out of her reach.

At first, it seems to be working but in my excitement I had overlooked one tiny detail I learnt from watching “Pinkie Pie's Hot Minute.” You see I still haven’t returned Pinkie’s party cannon and Gilda destroyed her helicopter bike thingy so I’m feeling safe from the pink menace. But then I hear that unmistakable sound and remembered a second too late that Pinkie Pie owns not one but three party cannons.

A tactical ballistic Pinkie Pie knocks me off my flying sand construct and the two of us fall through the air hitting the ground hard enough to leave a shallow five-foot long trench. Neither of us is hurt though, I’ve been catching up on my body conditioning training and Pinkie Pie. Well, she’s Pinkie Pie she doesn’t have a scratch on her.

“I got you now Grim Gill, Surrender the Muffins!” demands the mad mare standing over me who's about to be very disappointed. “I can’t give you the muffins Pinkie Pie, they're gone.” No, she is not happy to hear that.

“Gasp, YOU ATE ALL THE MUFFINS ALL READY! HOW COULD YOU?”

Oh man, what a hypocrite. I slowly shake my head “No Pinkie, I was levitating them, you made me drop them when you tackled me out of the air you silly billy.”

A moping Derpy glides over to us cradling a Muffin in her hooves, no nightmare in sight as it had dispelled the moment the Derpy fears were fully realized when the muffins smashed into the ground.

“There was just to many of them for me, I only managed to save this one. Even without the sand horse interfering I wouldn’t I wouldn’t have been able to stop the rest of the all falling to there doom. Why did you do it, Grim Gill, why?” she asks me with tears streaming from her eyes.

I crawl out from under Pinkie Pie and face the crying mare. “I’m sorry miss Hooves but I had to do it. They were a bad batch who would have caused nothing but pain and suffering if they had been allowed to be served. I’m sure given time (like thirty minutes) you’ll come to understand.”

The sobbing mare wipes the tears from her eyes “no Grim Gill, I don’t think I will. Come on Pinkie, we have to go back to Sugar Cube Corner and tell everypony the news.” The two mares give me the sink eye before turning away to slowly trot back to the bakery. As for me, I plan on telling Doc he has to pick Dinky up from school today as Derpy will be in hospital with a bad case of food poisoning. You should always wash your worms before eating them.

......

Day three sees me meeting Pinkie Pie and Derpy as they’re checking out of the hospital where they apologise to me and I take it in stride and present them with some blueberry muffins I made and all is forgiven. Pinkie even asks me to help her at Sugar Cube Corner as the cakes won’t be back until tomorrow morning and seeing as the only thing I’ve got to look forward to today is watching Applejack mess up launching Rainbow Dash off a see-saw contraption I agree to help out but only in the kitchen. I can do French cuisine to, I know it’s not relevant right now I just thought I should mention it.

......

Day four was less eventful, it mostly just involved me doing basic martial arts training like running a hundred laps around Ponyville without being seen, shooting myself into a cliff eighty-four times and then watching Applejack nod off whilst pulling a cart up a hill and waking up in the air when it tipped up onto its back end.

You a silly pony Applejack and soon you’re going to be my silly pony.

......

Day five I’m hiding in Twilight’s shadow as she trots to Sweet Apple Acres after she saw the disastrous results of the bunny stamped had caused to the plant life on the west side of Ponyville. Every Flower of the Flower trio's shop and garden had been devoured by the ravenous baby bunnies. We find the overworked and overtired Applejack talking to herself beneath an Apple tree. “Got... ta... keep going. Must harvest... Apple fritters.”

“Applejack this has to stop your not just hurting yourself anymore. So far you’ve miss propelled a Pegues, terrified a bunch of baby bunnies and hospitalised two ponies. I don’t care what you say, you need help!”

Applejack gave the tree behind her one more kick, catches the last few apples from it in the basket strapped to her sides and then smiles. “Don’t worry Twilight I won’t be causing any more problems. Look, ah did it. Ah har-harvested all of Sweep Apple Pages all by ma self. How do ya like them Apples?”

Big Macintosh came up and tapped her on her right shoulder. “Um how do you like them Apples?” he said pointing across to the other side of the dirt track that ran down the middle of the orchard which had many acres of still unharvested apple trees. “Wah? More! So... many... apple, uh.” Said the silly pony before she rolled over and passed out on her back. “Oh, Celestia! um Applejack, Applejack wake up” said Twilight nudging our friend laying on the ground until she opened her eyes.

“Applejack, you know I respect Apple family tradition but could you please swallow your stubborn pride just this once and accept help from your friends?” Ok Twilight. “Oh come on, wait! Did you just say yes?” the Jack of Apples put her hooves together in a begging fashion. “Yes Twilight you win, this is just to much. Even when Big Mac recovery ends in two days won't be able to buck all these apples in time. Ah'm begging you, please help me.”

That's a victory for me but it’s not going to taste sweet until I kiss those lips. Twilight and I round up the mane six plus Spike and we spend the next thirteen days bucking apples leaving us a whole two days to spare. I need to plan for our date, maybe I should ask my shadow what to do.

......

Today is going to be a great day. Not because anyone died and made me some money but because I won the bet with Applejack and today is the day I get to collect my winnings. One date with my number one pony waifu.

“Squee”

Did I just squee? I did. How embarrassing... Um well as I mentioned a few days ago I did end up talking to my shadow, he was no help at all so in the end, I decide to take Applejack out to somewhere we could do a fun activity together and then take her on a picnic and serve her some tradition tea. Which is why Unhapplejack is trotting into the bowling ally like a condemned criminal walking to the gallows.

“Is that the face of humility I see before me or the face of do not want?” I ask Applejack when she reaches me. “It’s a little of both, don’t take this the wrong way but ah ain’t to thrilled about dating a pony who’s special talent is being creepy.”

“That’s ok, I know I’m not anyone’s first choice for a romantic partner. I’ve had my fair share of relationships but they mostly ended well.” Depending on how you look at them. Does a relationship count as ending well if you absorb your partner without them actually wanting to break up and in doing so end up tearing their mind body and soul into there constituent components which you use to make yourself stronger? “But enough about that. let's go to the counter and get our funny shoes so we can bowl.”

Ok confession time, I’m not really into bowling. Why? Because I suck at it. I either put to much power behind my throws and not enough control or I focus to much on control but lack power which results in an embarrassing amount of gutter balls and Applejack keeps dropping the ball. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are doing better at the other end of the ally. They are following us to spy on our date with Applebloom in tow hiding behind a bench. They think that they are being subtle but Applejack and I noticed them before we even left the counter.

One hour late Applejack wins by seventy-six points not because I played the gentleman and just let her win but because when she was able to grip the ball she was better at hitting the pins, it wasn’t by much but was enough to matter. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, got completely dominated by Pinkie Pie.

“I say my dear Applejack, I think it’s easy to see why neither of us has cutie marks in bowling. That was terrible!”

“Ah don’t like saying it but ah reckon your right Grim Gill. That first strike ah scored was when ah lost ma grip on the ball and it jumped into the next lane.” We have a good laugh at our poor skills and how silly it was of me to choose bowling as the activity for our first date but now it was the afternoon and time for our picnic so we returned our bowling shoes, picked up my picnic hamper along with my bamboo sun umbrella.

I start leading Applejack and consequently our tag nosey friends to the spot I picked out. Applejack notices we are heading in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.

“Um Grim Gill, you ain’t taking me for a date in ma own family orchard are ya?” she asks me. “No that wouldn’t be romantic enough for my taste, not for a first date at least. The spot I picked out is on the edge of your farm.”

......

We reach our destination at the top of the hill, “Wow this is a good spot ah can see ma house and all of Ponyville from here.” Yeah, I noticed that when your parents used to come here “What?” she turns to me quickly and asks. Applebloom and Pinkie Pie also react to the news, gasping from their hiding place behind the fake bush Pinkie Pie had provided, seriously girls it’s not working.

I chuckle “Eh hee, yeah I know some stuff about your parents. I told you that I know things about those I have just meet without explanation was part of my special talent back when we first meet remember? When I was trying to think of a romantic spot for a picnic the spot where your parents often dated was one of the nicest places I could think of.”

Applejack looked at me then to the view of her house and Ponyville. “The spot where ma parents dated huh? You really know how to hit a mare where she lives.” That doesn’t sound good, “What food did ya bring?"

Safe.

I use my magic to spread out the blanket and set up the picnic. “I got some Ham and cheese sandwiches, roast chicken, potato salad, cherry tomatoes, carrot and cucumber sticks a daisy and almond cake and blueberry muffins but most importantly I have Usucha.”

If you don’t know what Usucha is then don’t worry, neither does Applejack. Also, I should mention that unlike what Pinkie Pie sings in her cannon song “You’ve Gotta Share” ponies do Indeed eat meat.

See? It’s complete nonsense and it is not just ponies, cows do it too.

And goats,

Don’t be to surprised, goats will eat anything. There is one where chickens eat a mouse but I think I’ve made my point by now.

“Usucha? Never heard of that why is it important?” I lift a wooden black lacquer box from the picnic hamper and open it to reveal a Japanese or to Applejack the mlp equivalent Nayponies tea set.

“I may have moved here from Hollow Shades and my father may have been Albion but my grandmother was from Naypon. You come from a family that has a long tradition of fruit tree farming but mine has a long tradition of practising tea ceremony. It is very important to us and is even a part of our courting ritual so I absolutely had to bring this. You will take part won’t you?”

This actually appears to of improved her mood because Applejack smiles at me “Sure ah will. Like you said ah come from a very traditional family so ah'd be happy to help ya uphold yours.”

That’s good but we’ve got company so I’m going to have to adapt a little if I want to pull this off.

“You will? Oh thank you Applejack but we have company, we should include them in the ceremony too! Hey, you ladies want some tea or are you just going to watch us all day.” I call to the mare a filly hidden in the fake bush who now realise they’ve been exposed stand up from their hiding place.

“Applebloom we’ve been exposed and now we get to try a new tea. This is great!” Applebloom is less enthusiastic and more worried about being in trouble. “How long did ya know we were here?” we knew ya were there the entire time. We spotted ya back at the bowling ally plus look around, do ya see any bushes on this hill.” Applebloom looks so cute when she’s embarrassed.

I looked up into the sky “You're invited to Rainbow Dash, the weather schedule is clear skies for today.” Darn it! Ok, I’ll try your stupid tea. Said the rude tomboy Pegasus hidden on the small cloud in the otherwise clear blue sky. A few minutes three muffins and sandwich later and we are all sipping green tea.

“This green tea is great Grimmy but it tastes a little different then what Fluttershy gets from the tea shop.” Well of course it does Pinkie, I reply. “That’s because Fluttershy uses tea bags whereas I used tea powder and a chasen tea whisk to really infuse the tea into the water but what your tasting is probably the secret ingredient I added.” I catch their chawan tea bowls with my magic as the girls all fall over.

“What the hay?”

“This feels funny.”

“Sis ah can’t move!”

“Me neither! Grim Gill ya no good snake in the grass what did ya do to us?”

Applejack insults me whilst giving me a dirty look, Rainbow Dash grits her teeth in determination in her futile attempt to move. Applebloom looks terrified whilst Pinkie Pie doesn’t seem bothered at all.

“Don’t worry it’s nothing harmful it will wear off in about a minute or so, I used a much smaller dosage than normal.” Normal? What the hay about this is normal? Asked Rainbow Drops.

“I think now is the time for me to explain my family tea ceremony traditions in more detail.” This is part of ya family tradition? What kind of family tradition makes you paralyse ya friends? Ask the now extremely Unhapplejack.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen, I was meant to get you alone but they followed us and would have interfered if I hadn’t included them.” Your damn right we would! This is bucked up man! Yelled the rude tomboy Pegasus.

“That may very well be the case to an outsider like yourself but for seventeen generations the Daimonji family of which I am descended from has practised the art of Kakutou Sadou or in Ponish, Martial arts Tea Ceremony.”

“Martial arts Tea Ceremony?” yes “You're making it up.” No Rainbow Dash, I’m serious. It’s a fighting style based entirely around the tools and traditions of Nayponies tea ceremony, I’ve been practising it since I was three years old. My grandmother was very strict about it, sometimes if I messed it up she would pin me to the wall with flowers and a chashaku”

"What?"

“Grandmother could channel her ki or life force energy as you would call it into the flower stem to make it strong enough to hold me up by my tradition robes and the chashaku is that wooden tea stick ladle thing you saw me measure the powder with.”

“That’s a load of manure, there’s no such thing as life force energy!” My response to that is to pluck a single long blade of grass from the, grasp the broken end with my teeth, stiffen it with ki and then stick it into the end of Rainbow Doubts mussel.

“Ouch!”

“Cool!” looks like Applebloom isn’t afraid anymore.

“Ok, ya proved ya point, ki exists but where does drugin us enter into that equation?” asks Applejack.

“It is traditional for males practitioners Martial arts Tea to court his would be bride using drugged tea. Normally by the time you come round of your already in a wedding dress. But seeing as we are in Equestria and not warring states era Naypon I used a small dose of paralysis powder instead of a more powerful sleeping drug.”

“That doesn’t really make things better Grim Gill. You was creepy before but ah defiantly ain’t gonna marry ya now.” I thought you might feel that way Applejack, that’s why I brought this. I said before pulling a loaded, black pistol crossbow with a golden heart on the front out of my frock coat.

“Ya was just going to kill me if ah refused to marry you? What the Tartarus Grim Gill! Ah knew ya was a creep but I didn’t take ya for a murderer.”

“Yeah Grim Gill, what the buck?” yelled the still immobile Rainbow Dash.

“No don’t hurt ma sister!”

“Grimmy stop it, this isn’t funny anymore!”

I ignore them in favour of levitating Applejack closer to me and turn us sideways to the others and then move Applejacks hat to block them from her view so she can see only me. That is when I pull the trigger sending the crossbow bolt directly into her heart.

“NO!”

The three witnesses to my crime of passion cry out when the bolt struck. I take the limp form of Applejack in my forelegs and kiss her.

She kisses back.

“What?”

“Ah get it now, that crossbow shots love bolts don’t it, it can’t kill.” I smile at my apple pony, still holding her, “Close but no, they are only infatuation bolts. Unlike a love spell which can be hard to break infatuation will either fad or grows into love. If we do marry I want you to love me by your own merit, not because of a magic spell.”

Pinkie Pie leaps up and hugged us. “Yay, Applejack’s alive and Grimmy’s not a murderer. I’m so happy.” That mare has a fast metabolism, she has to with all the high fat, sugary foods she eats or she would be pudge pie. Of course the next pony with the fastest metabolism is Rainbow Dash which would mean. Five, four, three, two, one.

THUMP “Ow my bucking hoof! what the buck is your head made of, iron?”

After being bucked by Nightmare Moon and all the times I have shot myself into a cliff faces, Rainbow Dash's assault registers as less than a baby's kick.

Next Applejack regains her mobility. “Rainbow Dash ah would appreciate it if you watch your language around ma sister and please don’t strike my coltfriend.”

Oh, looks like now that the panic is over Applejack has lost her tolerance for bad language.

“Yeah ok no problem, I’ve crashed into walls that hurt me less than this, ah gees I actually split my hoof.” That’s no exaggeration, a small amount of blood is bleeding from Rainbow Dash’s cracked hoof. I decide to help her by magically pulling the still stiff blade of grass out of her face. “Ouch! Bu.. A little warning next time.” Sure thing Rainbow Smash. “Hey! You deserve it, you paralysed us and made us think you were going to murder Applejack you jerk.” I cannot argue with that.

Last to recover is Applebloom who hugs her big sister. “That was scary Applejack, Grim Gill's family traditions really suck.” Applebuck hugs her little sister back. “I know it was scary but I’m fine now and don’t go saying such things about other ponies traditions it’s not polite, even if it true.”

Ok so maybe Applejacks not entirely over me traumatising her little sister. That’s a good thing, it means even with the infatuation spell Applejack is still in control of herself.

“All right so every pony is fine and nopony got hurt except for me. Where does that leave us?”

Pinkie Pie to the rescue. “Well like you said nopony got hurt and although things got scary nothing bad actually happened to us and this isn’t the first time Grimmy has done something disturbing, it was just much more direct than the other times but in the end, it was just Grim Gill being Grim Gill.”

“So are we still friends with him?” asks Rainbow Doubt who receives a nod from Pinkazoid and a shrug from Applebloom. “Ok then... well you two enjoy what’s left of your date. I’m going to go get some bandages for my hoof, see ya later.” And with that Rainbow Dash took off leaving Applejack, Applebloom, Pinkie Pie and I to enjoy a wonderful picnic.

......

End of Chapter

Author's Note

Hipin: There it's done, Writing this chapter was very frustrating.

Rei: Why was that?

Hipin: It's a week late, I kept losing my internet connection, Trixie was suppose to be in this chapter and it doesn't meet my seven thousand minimum word count.

Rei: Is not meeting your minimum word count really that bad?

Hipin: I'm doing this as part of a writing challenge to myself but it's not as bad as making chronological errors. I made one back in chapter two and had to go and move Grim Gill's meeting with Zecora by five days.

Rei: Why do chronological errors bother you so much?

Hipin: Because if you're not careful they can really mess up the logic of your story.

Rei: How's that?

Hipin: Here let me show you a quote from the prologue of the Naruto fan fiction I'm working on that is set before "A Grim Vacation".

"My favourite plot hole in Naruto however is a chronological error.

It happens after Orochimaru’s invasion of Konoha when he heard news of Itachi and Kisame from Kabuto. Orochimaru recalls how it has been ten years since he left the Akatsuki but that is impossible because Orochimaru left the Akatsuki after his failed attempt at steal his partner's body. His partner was Itachi Uchiha who didn’t join the Akatsuki until after he had murdered the Uchiha clan leaving his younger brother Sasuke as the only survivor. Sasuke had just started the academy when the Uchiha massacre took place and we are told in an episode of “Kakashi Gaiden” students enter the academy at the age of eight and Sasuke is twelve by the start of the series. So either the rookie 12 are a bunch of 18 year olds in serious need of hormone therapy or Sasuke was accepted into the academy at the age of 2.

That one really make me laugh."

Rei: I see what you mean
Hipin, that is terrible.