"So...how have you been?" Spike smiled awkwardly as he scooted away from his angry sister-figure to the other side of the bed. "Because you look like you could use a nice calming nap right abou–"

"Spike!" Twilight shouted. "I can't even...why would...how could...geagh!!" she screamed, angrily stomping her hooves onto the floor.

"What Twi means is that she's disappointed you’re settlin’ down with some mare you met in a bar," Applejack said.

"Divorce is illegal in Equestria," Spike replied.

"Then why did you MARRY HER!" Twilight yelled. "And now you've gone and convinced everypony else to bring you two down here," Spike suddenly felt sick "and make some big deal out of some stupid wedding...!"

Twilight got so worked up in her ranting that she stopped focusing on Spike. This didn’t escape his notice. He slowly, quietly slipped out of bed and scooted towards the door. Unfortunately, Spike forgot that there were still three other mares present in the room. The dragon didn’t get far before he found his escape blocked off by Rainbow Dash.

"Spike," she whispered, "Listen. I get that you don't wanna hear..." But Spike suddenly leaned in and cut her off.

"No! You listen," Spike whispered anxiously, "I’m marrying three other mares here, not just Berry. But I don’t think Twilight knows...yet."

Rainbow blinked, then her eyes gradually widened in realization. She looked fearfully at a Twilight then back to Spike. She silently nodded her head in understanding, then held the door open for him. Spike snuck out of the room, and Rainbow softly closed the door behind him. The moment he heard the soft *click* of the door closing, Spike booked it down the hall, moving as fast his legs could carry him.

"And furthermore...wait, what?" Twilight finally noticed her brother had fled. She searched the room, but her studious gaze found no trace of purple dragon. "Where did he...?" Applejack and Fluttershy pointed over to Rainbow Dash, so Twilight turned her focus to her.

"Rainbow Dash! Why would you just let him leave?!" demanded Twilight as she marched towards the door.

"Well...you see...the thing is..."

Spike had just turned down the bend in the hall when the door to his room suddenly exploded. The door flew through the air and embedded itself in the wall beside him. More surprisingly, Spike discovered that Rainbow Dash was stuck in the door itself. The cyan pegasus turned to look at him with a sympathetic, yet painful grimace.

"Yeah, you might want to get a move on," she said, "She's pissed."

"I figured," Spike replied. He tore down the hall, running on all fours to increase his speed. Suddenly, a bolt of lavender magic passed overhead, barely missing him. "Hey! Don't fire lasers at me!" Spike yelled over his shoulder. "I'm getting married today, and I don't wanna embarrass my wives by looking like charcoal!"

"...and I want my cutie mark in the middle of the dress," Carrot Top said.

After stripping down to the their underwear, Spike’s four fiancées were quickly brought before the pony making their wedding gowns. Naturally, Rarity volunteered herself for the position. She couldn’t possible allow anypony else to have the honor of making the outfits for Spike’s big day. And with Spike otherwise occupied, Starlight offered to be her assistant. She began taking the mares’ measurements, starting with Carrot Top then moving onto Cheerilee. Redheart and Berry were sitting off to the side, waiting their turn. With Starlight taking measurements, Rarity was free to focus on designing the mares’ ideal wedding dresses based on their input.

"And I don't want any shoulder puffs or sleeve puffs," continued Carrot. "Also, don't make it too long...or too short! I don't want anypony but Spike seeing above my knees...or my actual knees for that matter."

Rarity erased a few lines, then made the corrections to the dress’ design. "Ok, darling. Now, how do you want the sleeves to look?"

"I want them to go over the palms of my hands, but I don't want anything on my fingers."

"Alright, I believe I can..." The entire room shook as an explosion sounded above them. "...oh dear."

"What was that?" Redheart asked.

"Um...Cadence, darling, could you go make sure Twilight isn't trying to kill Spike?" Rarity asked.

"On it," Cadence replied, racing for the door. "Don't worry, it's probably nothing!" she called back, an uneasy smile on her face.

Once she left the room, she immediately teleported to the room they had left Spike. She found Fluttershy helping Applejack up off the floor. Spike, Rainbow, and Twilight were nowhere to be seen, and neither was the door to the room.

"Um..." uttered Fluttershy upon noticing Cadance’s arrival. She seemed like she was looking inward for the right words to say, but ultimately gave up and pointed towards the empty doorway. Cadance walked over and stuck her head into the hallway. It didn’t take her long to spot Rainbow Dash, whom was still embedded in the wall with the door.

"She is pissed!" shouted Rainbow. "Probably should have told her about the four wives thing before Spike got here."

"Luna was supposed to do that!" Cadence responded as she flew towards her.

"No, Luna's helping Pinkie bake the cakes. I'm pretty sure Celestia said she’d..."

"She's in charge of the presents!" Applejack shouted as she arrived. She and Fluttershy followed after Cadance and were now working together to get Rainbow unstuck from the wall. "Pretty sure it was you," she said, looking towards the pink alicorn.

"I was busy drugging Spike and Berry so they wouldn't get blackout drunk before the wedding started!" cried Cadence defensively. She flew around the corner and after Spike and Twilight. It wasn’t hard to track them. She just had to follow the signs of destruction, and the ever increasing sounds of laser fire and screaming.

"Can't we talk about this like reasonable adults!?" Spike pleaded before dodging another laser blast aimed at his head. "STOP WITH THE FUCKING LASERS! Yell at me all you want, I can live with that. BUT NO LASERS! YOU SCUFF UP MY SCALES AND I'LL FUCKING TORCH YOU!" he bellowed.

Twilight ignored him and shot another laser blast at him anyway. True to his word, Spike spat a fireball back at her in retaliation. Twilight’s eyes opened wide with surprise as the head-sized ball of flame came hurtling towards her face. She teleported at the last second, leaving the fireball to harmlessly strike the ceiling.

"Spike, what the fuck?!" she barked. "You can't just spit fire at me! I could have gotten hurt!"

"BUT YOU CAN JUST MAGICALLY TAZE ME?!" Spike yelled back over his shoulder.

With his eyes focused behind him, Spike didn’t see the descending staircase he was fast approaching. As a result, he lost his balance on the first step and tumbled head over heels down the stairs.

"Ow, ow, ow!"

Spike landed at the bottom of the stairs on his back in a disheveled state. His body was battered, bruised, and incredibly sore all over, but the dragon didn’t let the pain stop him. Almost immediately, he rolled onto his belly, got up on all fours and took off again. Twilight, still at the top of the stairs, made to go down after him but was stopped when she suddenly found herself trapped in a large, pink bubble.

"Ok Twilight," Princess Cadance said, her horn glowing as she lowered the bubble to the floor. "I get that you're mad, but we just need you to calm down and..."

"Why are you so okay with this!" Twilight demanded, pointing an accusatory finger at her former foalsitter. "Spike is getting married to some skanks he met in a bar YESTERDAY!"

"Remember when I told you and your friends the story of how Shining Armor and I became a couple. Even before he and I officially got together, we both realized that we were destined for each other. And that was only after knowing each other for about a week," Cadence replied. "It's not that uncommon for two ponies to quickly form a relationship. I mean, heck, that Donkey guy in Ponyville...Cranky Doodle, I think...he and Matilda only knew each other for like 2 hours in their first meeting, and he spent most of his entire life travelling the world looking for her. And after he finally found her, they spent seven months in each other’s company before getting married. Sure Spike did it a lot faster, but he agreed to..."

"HE WAS DRUNK!"

"Ok, so they had a little fun while drunk. So what? They still all liked each other enough to agree to get married after they woke up in his bed." The hall grew deathly silent as a sudden chill filled the air. The look of horrified shock, quickly followed by unbridled rage, told Cadance she had just made a crucial mistake. "And...you didn't know they'd had sex already, did you?" she asked nervously. "Oh dear."

"SPIKE!" Twilight roared.

"NO REGRETS!" Spike yelled.

"Spike, you can come back now!" Cadence shouted. "I got her in a bubble, but I need you to help me talk her down!"

-Meanwhile-

"Are you sure?" Rarity asked.

"Yes."

"I mean...I know this is your dress, but...really?"

"Yes, I just want a plain white dress with my cutie mark on it," Red Heart answered simply. "I'm not a very complicated pony." Rarity made a quick note on her notepad, then turned to Cheerilee.

"All I want is a dress that matches my mane color with a floral pattern—similar to my cutie mark—starting at my hip, getting wider as it goes down, and ending at my hoof on the opposite side," Cheerilee said. Before Rarity could reply, they heard Twilight and Spike yelling at each other.

"Alright, this is getting ridiculous!" huffed Carrot Top as she finished putting her overalls back on. "I'm going to drag Spike down here, and I’m not letting him out of my sight again."

"Good idea," agreed Rarity. "Twilight wanted to talk with him before he got fitted, but yes, somepony should check on them. We wouldn’t want anypony making any rash decisions," she said, sending a narrow-eyed, sideways stare towards Berry.

"I don't like the way you're looking at me," Berry Punch grunted. "What?"

"Nothing, darling. I suppose you want wine bottles on your dress?"

"Kinda. I want my cutie mark on the back, my dress colored black, and I want a red bow around the middle with red sleeves." Rarity made a note of Berry’s requests, though she made a *tsk* sound of disapproval in the process. "WHAT?! Look, if you got a problem with me, just say it!"

"Oh, it’s nothing. Nothing at all, Berry Druck."

"My last name is Punch!" She responded angrily.

"Rarity, stop being mean!" chided Cheerilee. "This is her wedd..."

"Well, technically, she and Spike are already married. Let me guess, you two were married by some drunk colt dressed as Elvis?" inquired Starlight.

While Starlight was distracting the mares from beating up Rarity, Carrot Top had already left the room in search for her fiancée. After walking down the hall and up three flights of stairs, she found Spike and Twilight arguing. Princess Cadance was caught in the middle, acting as their mediator.

"....I'm not the one marrying some bar skanks!"

"Don't fucking call any of them..."

"What? “Skanks?”"

"Twilight, I swear to Celestia and Luna I will fight you! I don't even care if I get my ass kicked, I will fight you!"

"Let's just calm down," appealed Cadence. "I don't think either one of you is helping this situation."

"Hey." Carrot Top said, getting the group’s attention. She strolled over, grabbed Spike and hoisted him over her shoulder. "I'm just here for my Spike. You two have fun." With a wave from Spike, the two went back downstairs.

"Ok...so Twilight, let's try this again..."

"Hey, Carrot Top," Spike intoned. "I almost got lasered. How has your time been?"

Carrot Top gave Spike a light kiss on the cheek. "Oh, nothing much. The girls and I were getting fitted for our dresses by Rarity. We could all hear the yelling, so when I was done, I came up her to make sure nothing bad happened to you. On a side note, standing up to Twilight for us was sweet," said Carrot Top, nuzzling her dragon affectionately. "But if anypony ever tries, or succeeds, in hurting you, come get me...I'll kick their fucking teeth in," she smiled at him.

"Aww, that's sweet," cooed Spike. "You care about me."

"I wouldn't let anypony hurt you! Not ever."

Author's Note

Swearing to Luna, when Swearing to Celestia just isn't enough.