Untitled Displaced Fanfiction

One day, Jonah Crumble was driving his convertible while listening to Sicko Mode by Travis Scott. Jonah was on his way to the comics store to buy All-Star Batman and Robin by Frank Miller. Jonah was a big Miller fan. The comics store owner was a rabid brony who dressed as Applejack and painted her skin yellow. The cutie mark was crudely painted on the side of her left asscheek.

"Howdy pardner!" she exclaimed as Jonah stepped in.

Jonah smiled at her condescendingly.

"One ASBAR, please!" said Jonah.

The comics store owner obliged. Jonah then got sucked into Equestria.

Jonah woke up in a cafe owned by a plump old cartoon mare and a hyperactive pink thing. He screamed in horror and shot both creatures with his glock. He then ran away but was utterly demolished when he saw a crowd of brightly coloured talking ponies.

Jonah was on trial for having killed two ponies and was found guilty. He was too busy crying and attempting suicide to put up a compelling defence. Before he was sent to the moon, he whipped out his glock and killed Celestia. Unicorns tried to disarm him but their magic didn't work on the glock's mighty engineering. Jonah then struck a crucifixion pose before shooting the Unicorns. Earth ponies tried to rush him but he simply shot them in the head. He also pulled headshots on some royal guards. Pegasi tried to swoop from above but Jonah simply shot off their wings, condemning them to a life on ground. He then shot Luna for good measure. After this display of power, he cried:
"Citizens of whatever this bumfuck place is! Accept me as your king or die!"

Jonah made an exceptionally good tyrant. He taxed the people excessively, stole the wives from their husbands and executed loyal men on a whim. After 3 months of exceptionally wet and spherical parties garnished with the wine of youth, in rode an evil clipe who wanted to end Jonah's reign. Her name was Twilight Sparkle.

"JC! Catch!" cried Marrow. Marrow was one of the few ponies Jonah could never bring himself to execute. He caught the magazine she had thrown at him and quickly disposed of several rebels. The Gods themselves had sent down monsters to defeat Jonah but he simply capped them. Melchior was the inventor of the bullet but the ponies were too peace-loving race for it to catch on. Now, Melchior was a very rich Stallion. Even now, ponies refused to use the weapon of their enemies. They instead attempted to use Guerilla tactics, magic and flick knives to bring down Jonah's empire. Cute. Jonah wiped out the entire rebellion in 3 hours.

"I knew you could do it, master!" said Marrow.

She and Jonah then snuggled.

"This age of repression and freedom must come to an end. It is time to go sicko mode on this kingdom." announced Jonah.

Twilight Sparkle sat plotting in her lair.

"Drat! All my soldiers were killed! I bet that bastard is out there re-instating freedom of speech or making propaganda films!" she muttered to herself.

She knew it was coming. Ponies would have to use guns.

Jonah was busy filming a pornographic propaganda film when Marrow came up and informed him that due to famine, half the population was dead. Jonah smiled.

"Soon, the rest of those smiling, happy bastards will buy it!" said Jonah.

"Then who the fuck are you making the propaganda film for?" said Marrow.

"The ponies I deem worthy enough to live with me in my bunker once the nuclear holocaust comes." said Jonah.

Jonah and Marrow then had sexual intercourse. This was later included in the propaganda film, with Marrow's permission. Jonah then wrote a letter to all members of the Mane Six inviting them to live at his palace.

Twilight appeared and Jonah was all like:

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh,boyyyyy!"

And he jumped down from his golden throne and landed on a rug made from DIscord's corpse. Twilight stared ahead with eyes of quartz. Applejack feigned respect but could barely conceal her anger. Rarity simply looked at Jonah with tears in her eyes. Fluttershy wore a dead expression. Rainbow Dash couldn't make eye contact with Jonah. Pinkie Pie was still in shock from the resurrection magic. Death was cheap in Ponyville.

"Hey, have you guys heard Travis Scott's seminal classic, Sicko Mode?" said Jonah.

"No! Stop fucking with us! Go back to your own world and stay there! Leave our homeland! All you humans ever do is ruin things!" ranted Twilight.

"I'm sure you'll all soon be converted to my point of view!" said Jonah before summoning his guards to forcibly frog march the ponies into their rooms.

Jonah had used the magical mirror that lead to an alternate human world where everyone was brightly coloured and got his team of magical intellectuals to tune it to his world. He could have theoretically gone back but who the hell would trade being king for normality? All of his friends were pawns that he used to satiate certain needs but ponies were so much better. More human than human. He stepped back into his room and grabbed his weed and vinyl copy of Astroworld. It seemed that by now, someone had bought his house. He quickly found them in his kitchen. They jumped out of their chair in shock and fear before Jonah shot him. He then escaped back into Ponyville. He asked his servants to put Sicko Mode on the sound system. They obliged. After being exposed to Sicko Mode in its entirety, the ponies shed their misanthropic views and realised the beauty of egoism, nihilism and humanity. Jonah cackled with glee. He had brainwashed them into being his own personal soldiers/harem/muses. Awesome. Then, for fun, he cut out one of his servant's lungs and ate them with a side of chips. After that, he did a cute little painting of Pinkie Pie and Marrow having sex. He then popped back to his place again so he could move his Blu-Ray collection back into his palace.

To Be Continued....