Best Left Forgotten

Wallflower held her eyes closed for a moment, trying to ease her headache. “I said I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not!” Sunset shouted at her. Her friend sat hunched on the carpet beside the bathroom, blood and glass littering the floor in the doorway beside her. “You need to see a doctor!”

Wallflower took a few stumbling steps before stopping in front of the couch. For some reason, sitting there left her feeling uneasy, so she lowered herself to the floor instead. Little trickles of blood still dripped down her forehead. “It’s okay, Sunset,” she said. The ringing in her ears sounded like wind chimes. “The test was negative. I’m gonna be fine.”

“Your head is bleeding, Wallflower!”

“It’s just some scratches,” Wallflower said. “There’s no reason to get a doctor involved.” As much as her head hurt, she had no interest in explaining why she had smashed her head into a mirror over and over to some random stranger in a lab coat. She would be okay. There had only been one line, so she would be okay.

“I-I don’t—no!” Sunset wiped away tears, only for more to fill her eyes. “You were about to kill yourself! All because I... I...” Whimpering, she buried her head in her hands.

“But I didn’t,” Wallflower said, giving Sunset a weak smile. “I’m okay now, I promise.”

Sunset was silent for a moment, staring helplessly into Wallflower’s eyes. When she opened her mouth to speak, a choking sob came out, and then another. Sunset’s lungs shuddered, and Wallflower wrapped her arms around her.

“I was s-so scared...”

Wallflower held her a little tighter. “I know, Sunset. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“I was so sure you were going to...” Sunset interrupted herself with a whimper. “The door was locked and you wouldn’t answer, and... and there was n-nothing I could do...”

Wallflower closed her eyes again as the dull aching in her skull grew sharper. “It’s alright,” she said. “The test was negative. Everything worked out.”

“No it didn’t!” Sunset cried. “I thought you were gonna die!”

Wallflower yawned. “I did too."

"You need help, Wallflower," Sunset said. "I'm gonna call—"

"Don't," Wallflower interrupted. She blinked, and blinked again, slower. Was she blinking? She wasn’t trying to, but the world was flickering all the same. Her head really hurt. “I think I’m going to take a nap,” she said.

“I’m serious!” Sunset huffed. “You have to go to the hospital!”

Wallflower shut her eyes as tight as she could. “Nnnnghhh...”

“Wallflower...?”

Her head really, really hurt. “I don’t wannaaaaaaa—”

Wallflower felt her body give out, and she collapsed.

Blood. There was so much blood.

It joined with other fluids—both his and hers—that dribbled out of her and down her inner thighs as she stood up, shakily leaning against the wall. Her head was screaming like it was going to split apart any second as she took the first wobbly step.

She had to get to the stone. She had to erase everything.

Her legs moved as if affixed by rusted hinges, and with every motion she felt the nauseating warmth of what he’d filled her with as it moved around inside her. Across the abyss, her bag sat on the table a thousand miles away. Blue light shimmered within it, and an eerie eye stared back at her as she took another step towards the glow. In the blackness all around, the softest of voices whispered and sighed.

Everything. She would erase anything and everything about tonight. Not just tonight, but every day and every night he had ever lived. She would leave him as nothing but a mindless husk, an empty shell with no soul to guide him. Hate and tears filled her eyes, and the mixture of fluids ran cold down her leg as she moved forwards. The void was swallowed by colorless static as the first drops fell from her skin.

She could erase herself, too. No one would miss her, certainly not herself. She was a nobody, an object in the background, unseen by all except those who would try to use her. He didn’t care. Her parents didn't care. She didn’t care. There was nothing worth preserving in her mind. She reached the table, and the voices and voids died in screaming silence as she pulled the cold grey object from her bag.

The stone’s gleaming blue iris looked through her as she held it in her trembling hands. She could end herself, and him. She could end everybody, if she really wanted to.

Was that what she wanted? No, she didn’t want that. She wanted to be wanted, but not like this. Not like how he wanted her. Did he ever want her? Maybe she was just a plaything for him to use and discard like a broken toy. She could leave him just as broken, maybe even more so. But if she did, what would that make her? He had invaded her home, invaded her body... How would she be any different if she invaded his mind in return? She tumbled through nothing, the airless vacuum whipping her hair all over. She shifted, and a chill ran through her as she felt the horrible warmth resettle inside her.

This was all too much. She didn’t want to think about this anymore. Whatever he remembered wouldn’t matter if she didn’t remember him, right? She just wanted it to go away, all the nothing, all the something, all the everything, just long enough for her to catch her breath. The tears on her cheeks evaporated into steam as she held the stone close to her chest.

It was better this way.

She took a deep breath, and everything was gone in a cerulean flash.

“I don’t know what to do...” She heard Sunset speaking in hushed tones beside her. “It’s only been a day, and... And already...”

“A day since, uhm...” There was another voice, this one softer.

“S-since I made—ugh, I’m sorry,” Sunset said, groaning. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, just... I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone without her permission.”

“That’s okay,” the other voice said. “She must really trust you.”

One by one, Wallflower’s senses slowly came back to her. The air around her was stale and cold, and it smelled like cleaning detergent. Beneath her, stiff cushions had propped up her head, which was being compressed by some kind of wrap. Her hair fell in a tangled mess around her shoulders, and when she tried to move, her bangs tickled her face.

“I can’t do this on my own,” Sunset said, her voice wavering. “I thought I could, but... I don’t know. This is so much more than just being nice and listening and—and even then I thought I was d-doing okay, until...” A trembling whimper filled the silent room, which Wallflower had surmised to be a hospital suite.

“Shhhh. It’s not your fault, Sunset.”

Wallflower allowed her eyes to open just a tiny sliver, only to realize that Sunset and the other person were out of sight. She contemplated turning her head, but thought better of it. As soon as she moved, they would know she was awake. She wanted to hear what Sunset had to say.

“It is my fault!” Sunset kept to just above a whisper, emphatic as she was. “I thought I had taken care of everything—the knives, the ibuprofen, the r-razors...” She took a deep breath, and Wallflower could hear tiny sobs breaking through between her breaths. “I hid everything I would have used. I was so sure it was safe, but... but then I closed that door...”

“You didn’t know what she was going to do,” the softer voice said. “If I had to guess, I’d say she probably didn’t know either.”

“But I should have known, Fluttershy! I said I’d take care of her!”

Wallflower stiffened up. Sunset had brought her friend. Had she brought the others? She turned her head as slowly as possible, trying to locate any other people who may be in the room.

“You can’t take care of someone who doesn’t want to be cared for,” Fluttershy said. “I won’t ask you what happened to make her do that, but it must have been terrible.”

Sunset let out a shaky exhale. “Like you wouldn’t believe...”

“Sunset, look.”

Wallflower froze.

“She’s waking up,” Fluttershy said.

Before Wallflower could even blink, Sunset was standing over her, tears in her eyes. “Oh thank Goddess, Wallflower!”

The volume left Wallflower’s head throbbing. “W-what’s going on...?”

“You’re in the hospital,” Fluttershy said. Wallflower braved a glance at the other girl, and Fluttershy smiled warmly at her.

Wallflower turned back to Sunset, who was wiping her eyes. “Why is she here?”

“O-oh, she had a car, and I called—because you’d passed out, and I didn’t know what else to do, so I, uh...” Sunset looked away, swaying nervously like a child about to be punished.

“I can step outside if you’d like,” Fluttershy said.

Sunset shook her head. “N-no, Fluttershy, it’s—”

“Yes, please,” Wallflower said, her words barely audible.

“Huh?” Sunset knelt beside her. “Wallflower, she’s not—”

“Please...!” Wallflower tried to be assertive, but couldn’t stop the tears from brimming.

“It’s no problem,” Fluttershy said. “I’ll be just outside, okay Wallflower?”

Sunset’s friend knew something had happened, even though Sunset promised she wouldn’t tell anyone. Sunset didn’t tell anyone, though. If anything, she had done as much as she could while holding herself to that vow, even though it was probably making her life a lot harder.

“But... F-Fluttershy...” Sunset’s voice broke, and she looked back at Wallflower. “I don’t know what to do...”

Sunset was trying so hard for her. Wallflower realized that her friend probably hadn’t slept in nearly twenty-four hours, and Wallflower had repaid that dedication by almost killing herself and scaring Sunset half to death. How could she be so ungrateful? Sunset probably wanted her to go away, especially now that she knew Wallflower wasn't pregnant and there was no more reason to take pity on her. But where would she even go?

“We can talk later, Sunset,” Fluttershy said as she opened the door. “Wallflower needs you right now.”

Wallflower shut her eyes, and in the blackness beneath her eyelids, she saw her bloodied reflection staring back at her through a shard of glass.

She did need Sunset right now. But what about what Sunset needed?

“W-wait...” Wallflower was put off by the coarseness of her own voice.

Fluttershy turned. “Hmm?”

“You can stay,” Wallflower said. When she looked at Sunset, she saw her friend’s relieved and grateful smile.