The (un)Life and Times Of Specter Shift

"Why is a book talking to me?"

Specter sighed.

"Well, I usually use something a little more conventional, but in a pinch books work. Besides," He grinned in spite himself, "You love her, you love books, now you can love both at the same time, right?"

Twilight took a step back. Somehow the book managed to look... Disappointed? Surely that was just a trick of the light.

"Just because I love tomatoes and ice cream doesn't mean I want it as a flavour."

"Funny story, tomato was actually the first flavour of ice cream."

"I would probably find that a lot more interesting were Gran-Gran not a talking book right now."

"Everyone's a critic" The stallion muttered.

"So, Twinkle," The book spoke in a nurturing, motherly tone, carrying with it the subtle, unspoken promise of freshly baked cookies for good little fillies. How a book would accomplish baking was anypony's guess, but little old grannies work in mysterious ways. "When are you planning on giving me another grandchild, hmm? I'm not getting any younger, you know." The book chuckled, the dry pages rubbing softly against each other as the spine shuddered from the unseen force.

"About that, Gran-Gran," Twilight blushed furiously, glancing at Specter, whose eyes widened like deer caught in headlights, were Equestria to have non-sentient deer and headlights. "I'm, er-"

"Yes, yes, out with it dear!" The book tilted forward in anticipation, creasing the spine. Huh, I guess even as disembodied spirits old people had fragile backs, who knew?

"You'll have to talk to Shining and Cadence about that because I'm sort of into mares." She trailed off, refusing to look her Grandma in the title.

"Speak up, dear, these old ears aren't what they used to be!" The book wiggled one of it's corners.

"I um... I said I'm... I'm sort of into mares."

"One more time Twinkle?"

"I like other fillies, okay, Grandma!" Twilight blurted out, glowing red as a tomato.

"Oh... Oh, dear, Twinkle, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, you know that, right?" The book cooed soothingly, even as Specter tried to pick his jaw off the floor.

"I... I know Gran-Gran." Twilight sniffled.

"Oh, hey, kiddo, it's alright, I'll always, always,love you no matter what, right? Now, come give your old Nanna a hug, eh?" The faux-leather bound book flapped a little, gesturing vaguely.

Twilight stared at her 'Grandmother', wiping away a tear. "Um, if it's all the same to you, Gran-Gran?"

"Oh, right, no arms." Black Velvet chuckled at her own Faux-pas. "Ah, well, maybe you can hug that spunky stallion over there instead, hmm?" She waggled her cover suggestively.

Specter flinched. "Err, Grandma Velvet, you do realize how awkward that could be, hmm? What with the whole "I'm not a filly" thing, brought to light mere seconds ago?"

Protip: 'Coming out' to your dead grandma is always awkward. Always. Being in the same room as that makes things awkward by proximity alone. It's contagious.

"Oh, I know," The book let out a dusty sigh, "But, you know, I just want to pinch your little cheeks, you're just so adorable!"

Twilight grinned, too, "He sort of is, isn't he?" She asked as she nuzzled him.

Ha! She likes me! Wait... Aw, horse-apples, sometimes I curse being so well endowed...

"So..." The voice from the nightstand whispered conspiratorially, "Who's the lucky mare, hmm?"

"Rainbow Dash?" Specter suggested.

"What? Rainbow Dash? Oh, no, she has to be the straightest pony I know!" Twilight giggled, warming up to the humor of the situation after the initial awkwardness.

"Really?" Specter deadpanned, before catching the stern look the librarian shot him. "Oh! I mean, really? of course she is, of course."

"No, she's pretty cute, though, if you're into the whole athletic, body of a goddess, flank of steel thing..." Twilight admitted.

"Twilight, you're drooling." Specter muttered, resigned to his fate of eternal singleness.

Twilight let out a short squeak of embarassment, clamping her mouth shut fast. Too fast."

"Ow... I bi' mah tung..."

"Huh," The book rejoined, "That's an odd name for a mare. Or a stallion, come to think of it."

"Wha' is, Appell-jah?" Twilight's mouth started before her brain could stop it.

"Applejack?" Specter squeaked. Oh, boy.

Twilight's eyes widened in horror. "Oh, you meant "Mah tung", and had absolutely no reason to think I'm harboring a crush on Applejack at all, did you?"

"Eenope." Specter shook his head, slowly, leaving a very confused book alone on the nightstand trying to work out who "Applejack" was.

"What? She's honest, hard-working, great with kids, wise beyond her years..."

"Flanks that put Rainbow's to shame?" Specter opined.

Twilight nodded in thought before catching herself and shaking her head profusely, blushing so red that her crush might have thought maybe she might have been ripe.

Specter carried on that metaphor to it's inevitable conclusion.

Huh, maybe it's Twilight bucking time for App- Nope. Nope, nope, did NOT just think that.

"So!" he called out, a little too loudly, "Applejack is Granny Smith's grandaughter. You might know her, Miss Velvet, she's Royal Gala's cousin?"

If the book had eyes they would have sparkled. As it was the gold embossing on the title sparkled a little more.

"Oh, Royal Gala. She was the most delightful spunky mare you'll never meet." She chuckled at her own dark humor.

"Gorgeous red mare with the most beautiful green mane to be caught in Equestria's breeze... I could see why you might have a horn-on, oh don't look at me like that, your Gran-Gran's been around the block more than you'd like to know, anyway, a horn-on for anypony like that. Heck, I'm straighter than Luna's alibi, and even I considered making a pass or two at that mare..." The book somehow managed to sigh wistfully, despite having no lungs.

Twilight tried, bless her heart she tried, to not be overwhelmed with the mental images. Ultimately, she failed.

"Specter?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"I now officially understand why you give some ponies the heebie-jeebies."

"Should I run?"

"No. No, just... Could you please ask Gran-Gran to refrain from giving me nightmares."

"Ooh, but Twillie-pie, I could teach you all the best techniques! Your grandpa was so good at giving-"

"Damn it, Specter, please, this is not how I want to remember my Gran Gran."

"Hey!" Specter sounded vaguely offended, "I don't want to, either, but I don't mess with free will."

"Wait, you can mess with free will?" Both the other occupants stared at him simultaneously.

"Wait, neither of you knew that?"

The book and the unicorn shook slowly, their binding and head respectively.

"Oh. Well, I can. not that I do. Ever." Twilight took a fearful step back from him, the word 'Zombie' playing over and over in her mind from earlier. The book managed to just look concerned. more impressively it managed to look concerned in a motherly fashion. That's little old grannies for you, really.

"I'm sorry, Specter, but that doesn't exactly make me feel safe around you. I want to trust you, I really do, but I'm just starting to realize how much I don't know about you."

"Oh, thank Celestia!" Specter breathed in relief, much to the confusion of the rooms other occupants. "We're back in familiar territory for me, now. I think I know exactly what to do!"

*CRASH*

Twilight stared out the shattered window frame. At least his bandages managed to protect him from the worst of the damage this time.

"Well, that's two broken windows for Spike to snack on later." She mumbled. What a powerful, neurotic friend she had here. She supposed she would have to be a fairly gigantic hypocrite to-

Wait. Spike.

"Gran-Gran, you still there?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes dearie, I was hoping you hadn't forgotten about me in the excitement."

"How would you like to meet my mentor? I'm sure you've heard of her."

"Your mentor? Oh, you sound so grown up, my precious little Twinkle. Tell me, tell, who is it? Hawkwing? SayAgain? Wait, did you say 'her'? Oh, no, Twilight, I'm not worthy-"

"Gran-Gran, I think you and the Princess might have a lot to talk about."

Twilight gazed out into the Everfree, after the ridiculous fleeing pony who had managed to trip over his bandages three times before he had even cleared past the end of the street.

"I think I have a pony to apologize to, too."

"Ga-arghhhhh- *Huff* arrghhhhhhhh! *Pant* ghhhhhhhhhhh *Wheeze*"

Ah, the old routine. Run away screaming, great exercise, good for the lungs.

The fleeing stallion would have felt a little sillier, running away from nopony, but of the same turn of the coin that meant there was nopony here to judge him for his-

*Thud*

"Oof!" Specter uttered with all the dignity one could muster after running, eyes wide shut, from nothing specifically, screaming like a 'wee little lassie, ye idjit' as Ramsea would have phrased it.

Slowly Specter opened an eye. Blurry, but functional. Okay, so he might not have to learn braille. Braille was... Difficult with hooves.

He then proceeded to open the other one, the forest canopy swimming into focus around him. Specter felt like he was fighting the current to stay afloat in his own consciousness.

At once the source revealed itself. Not for the first time today Specter's problems had come from his own thick skull.

This time, however, it wasn't a metaphor.

"Whah, eh, bwah?" His dignity only surpassed by his elegance in his groggy state.

"Ha. Wahaha. Wahahahahahahaha.** Fooolish pony, you have fallen into the hands, er, HOOVES!" The mysterious doppelganger corrected, "Of the infamous Changeling Wilhelm!"

Specter twitched his head. That is to say, the one that was attached to his own neck, and not his head that was staring at him.

"Changeling Wil- nope, never heard of you. Pleased to meet you, though!" Specter gave a friendly smile, only slightly marred by the throbbing concussion. He moved to reach a hoof out for a friendly bro-hoof only to find his limbs were pinned by his assailant. Also he appeared to be on his back, on the ground.

It was a tad suss.

"Well, I did say infamous right?" The changeling said, as if more to reassure himself than to convince his poor victim, "I'm not regular famous yet. But soon all of Equestria will know my name, in bittersweet fear!" He shouted in triumph. Well, more squeaked. He seemed an oddly timid fellow, Specter mused, even by his standards.

It's strange how a good concussion seems to put things into perspective, actually.

"Bittersweet fear? How is that an actual thing?"  His voice completely genuine, his eyes shining with curiosity, the 'wrath' of the changeling couldn't help but settle down.  This wasn't working out how he had planned at all.

"Err... Well, you see, I'm a changeling. We sort of kidnap ponies and feed off other ponies love for you."

"Huh. Good luck, then, I've been trying the same thing myself all morning."

"You, wah?" The Changeling gawked in genuine confusion. "But, I saw you diving out that foul Twilight Sparkle's window! That is the truest sign of passionate love amongst ponies!"

"What, how does that-" The squeaky, broken cogs in Specter's brain ground together, agonizingly putting the pieces together. Oh, dear.

"Wilhelm, you said was your name, right?" The Changeling nodded nervously, all bravado lost to a puppy-like look of disappointment, "Well, when you saw a pony doing that, another pony would usually enter the house at the same time, right?" Again, another nod.

"Describe it." Specter spoke firmly with authority he didn't actually possess, let alone under the wright of his captor.

Fortunately his captor seemed to not notice such petty frivolities and glanced off, in thought.

"Well, there were two mares, one was blue and stripey, with a minty white stripe, and the other was green and bouncy. There was a lot of happy, lovey-dovey giggles and squeals. Then a pink, swirly pony came back and the blue stripey pony dived out the window, yelling "Buck, buck, buck!". She'd been saying that when she'd been giggling too, so I thought it was like, how ponies in love say goodbye! And now, I caught you, diving out Twilight Sparkle's window!"

Oh dear... I wonder if Bon-Bon knows about Lyra and Colgate. Poor girl... Wait, he thinks I'm doing *what** with Twilight?!*

"Oh, no, nonononono no." Specter paused for thought, letting one more 'No' roll out of the assembly line.

"You've got it all wrong, Wilhelm! Ponies don't do that when they're in love, well they are but it's a very specific kind of love! And I can't have that sort of love with Twilight, least of all because she's probably terrified of me."

"Wait, ponies are scared of you too?" The 'infamous' Changeling twitched his head questioningly.

"Err... Yeah, i guess?" Specter muttered hesitantly.

"Do they also run screaming at the sight of you and grab their torches and pitch-"

"-Forks, yeah, yeah they sort of do. Those things hurt, don't they?" Specter finished, sharing his pain with another lost soul it seemed.

The sad looking facsimilie seemed to melt in a gout of green flame, revealing the black chitinous insect that lay beneath the armour.

Specter learned something else that day: It turns out giant horrifying nightmare bugs cry, too.

"They broke through my exoskeleton with those things once! I'm all soft and squishy on the inside, despite my cold, hard, grizzled, sexy exterior." The changeling moped, the epitome of humility it seemed.

Specter hugged the strange creature in a comforting embrace, partially out of compassion, partially due to the fact that, despite dropping the disguise, Wilhelm had not exactly crawled off of him.

"It's not really fair, is it? You seem nice enough, once you get past the whole "Giant bug" thing." Specter nodded.

Changeling Wil sniffled, blowing his nose on Specter's coat. This was met with appropriate reactions of disgust and more sympathetic pats on the back.

"I-I-I also f-feed on p-ponies love..." the Changeling murmured. Oh, dear... That explained a few things.

"Yeah, well, I raise the friggin' dead, welcome to the 'creepy-weird-powers club'. You want to come back to my cottage? I mean, love's great and all, but I've got some great slow-cooked vegetables simmering away, maybe you could eat some food cooked with love instead?"

Oh dear Celestia that had to be mushier than the potatoes. Looks like th-

The Changeling wagged his tail appreciatively, shrinking drastically in size until he was about the size of a gibbous. Then, much like a gibbous, he nestled himself atop Specter's head, nuzzling into the mane.

Huh. it's going to be one of *those** days is it? Oh, well, at least I got a cool hat out of this. Better than that time the chimera ate me, for sure. That was a rough week and a half...*

So, adorned with the loudly snoring top-hat that was a rather curious spontaneous friendship born out of the fires of chance and extreme levels of bizarre, the biggest components of Specter's life to date it seemed, he strolled, not fled, to the cozy little cottage at the edge of the Everfree that he called home.

Specter smiled a small, private smile. Despite cuts, wounds, bruises, traumatization and being ogled by a dead granny in a book, at the end of it all, he'd made a friend, albeit a rather odd one.

A friend all the same, and that's all Specter really ever wanted.

His new friend purred softly from above his head. He made for a rather dashing top hat, actually. Friendship must be the new black

Fwoomph!

"Ah, another letter from my most faithful student. Hrm, what's this? A boo-"

"Oh, crunchy salted horse-apples, it really is you!

"GAH!" Celestia dropped the book in sheer fright.

"Oof... ooh, my old, aching bon- spine. I'm so sorry for startling you, Princess!"

"Luna! Luna!" Celestia screamed, never taking her eyes off the book.

"Bring fire!"

Black Velvet gulped.