Chapter 9 The Weirdness Rises

Chapter 9 the Weirdness Rises

I woke up to the sound of Twilight talking to Luna.

“Are you sure you can do this correctly Luna I don’t want to become a vegetable after all.”

“Calm down Twilight you will remember everything except for when you or someone else talks about the TV show and explicit images. I will then patch those memory holes with fake memories so that you won’t suspect a thing. It worked for Celestia it will definitely work for you; okay one second and I’ll be done making the false memories. Okayyyy... Done! You ready Twilight? ”

I heard her sigh. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” I saw a flash of bright light and colors, I then saw papers swirl around in a bright tornado. It soon concealed Luna and Twilight in a flurry of objects. It seemed to be mending itself together into a sphere, encasing the two ponies in a cocoon of objects and soon after the cocoon broke in half. It relieved a confused Twilight and a very tired Luna; Twilight seemed rejuvenated by the experience. Luna looked absolutely exhausted from the spell she pulled off, her mane was dishevelled and she was sweating you a storm. She was about to faint when John ran up and caught her.

“I did well, didn’t I John?”

“Yes you did do well. Now stop acting your scaring everyone.”” She somehow stopped sweating in an instant and shook her hair back in place. She smirked at me and Twilight.

“Looks like I fooled both of you. I should have been an actor not a princess.” She stifled a chuckle. “But with this body who wouldn’t notice me instantly as the Mistress of the Night.” John tapped her shoulder.

“Uh transformation spells remember Luna?” She blushed slightly and put her hoof on her face.

“Oh yeah how can I forget the spells I’m especially good at.” She smiled sheepishly at us.

“Well it’s okay Lulu it happens to everyone.” He scratched behind her ear and her face turned to one of pure ecstasy. John blinked at me and put his face in whispering range.

“Hey James watch this it’s like an on and off switch.” He stopped scratching and her face quickly turned to one of pure sadness, she crossed her forelegs and pouted.

“Why did you have to stop so soon?” John stifled a chuckle and resumed scratching. Luna’s face immediately turned back to ecstasy and stayed that way until he stopped 10 minutes later. “Thanks dearest I certainly enjoyed that and I hope you’re ready for the marriage this up coming week.” I turn to John.

“Holy crap you’re right it is like an on and off switch.”

“Well I only use it on special occasions, like if she gets really mad at me or something.”

“Dude don’t do that, that’s like blackmail to some girls.”

“Well if I had something like that she would probably use it on me.”

“That might be true but how do we know?” John gave me a deadpan face.

“Oh trust me I should know.” I looked at Twilight, she had her mouth agape and then she stared at me still in shock.

“James?”

“Hm.”

“What just happened?”

“Well my dear friend Twilight, we just found out Luna’s weak spot when it comes to scratching.”

“I wonder if I have the same weak spot.”

“Well we’ll just have to find out.” John said with a smirk on his face.

“Oh no way John I ain’t touching her I don’t know what she’ll do to me.” I was legitimately terrified for my manhood.

“Oh don’t worry James I won’t bite.” She said in a sultry voice and then she proceeded to walk her way towards me swaying her hips as she did so. I sighed in defeat.

“Fine but don’t try anything.” I put my hand on her head, the contact made her shudder in pleasure. “Okay I am not doing this, I’m sorry but if you are being sexually aroused by this then no.” She pouted, got up and walked to her room. John chuckled and turned red.

“James you and I damn know what she’s doing in there, don’t we?” I sighed.

“Yeah and John why are you thinking of another mare other than Luna?” I practically yelled the last part and saw what I was hoping for, I saw a dark blue blur snatch up John. He grabbed on the edge of the doorway to Luna’s room.

“Dear Celestia, James please help me a simple scratch behind the ears won’t help with this!” I saw him disappear in the door and it slams shut behind him. As the door shut Celestia walked in the living the room. What we heard for the next hour was a combination of yelling and whimpering that even Celestia cringed at. When John and Luna exited the room Luna’s eyes were returning to their regular colour while John walked out looking nearly comatose. I looked at Celestia.

“I think Luna may have over reacted.” She looked back at me.

“You think?”

“If I knew that she would have reacted this harshly then I wouldn’t have said anything.” I walked over to Luna. “What did you do to him? He looks comatose.” She put her hoof to her chin in thought.

“We had a little talk about if he ever thought of another mare what I would do to him.” My mouth was agape.

“You were threatening him for have his own thoughts about other mares.”

“James I hate competition and if the other mares are making him think naughty thoughts then I will make sure he will never consider it again.” Celestia stood up and walked over to Luna.

“Remember what I said about how you don’t understand stallions. Well this is one of those times.”

“What do you mean by this sister?”

“Well Luna you went over the line with this one, you don’t yell at him for an hour for thinking of another mare. You ask him to politely stop if you’re in his thoughts.”

“Oh I better do something for him then and fast, I hope he forgives me.” Her ears went down and I ran up to her.

“Give him an eyeful.”

“Eyeful of what?”

“An eyeful of what’s behind your tail stupid.” I gently hit her on the head.

“Behind my tail. Behind my tail...” She put up her hoof in thought and then suddenly like a light bulb flashed on she got it.
“Oh you want me to flash him.”

“Well I was just trying the more decent way of saying it but whatever floats your boat.” Luna grabbed John with her magic and moved him so we couldn’t see her special area. She blushed.

“Okay well here goes nothing.” She lifted up her tail and cringed. All color soon returned to John’s face and he poked her behind and she looked at him. He looked back her.

“Is this my birthday present early or are you just being super duper sexy Luna today.” He went back to staring

“Does this mean all is forgiven?” He didn’t answer he just kept staring. I saw Luna sigh in aggravation. “John, can you please stop staring at my behind for a second and focus!” He put his finger up.

“One moment please.” He continued to stare for 5 seconds then looked away. “Okay there now what was the question again?”

“How can’t you remember the question?”

“Well I just got flashed by a girl that I find extremely hot, so I might not be completely here for hours. So while I’m still here what the question was?”

“Okay do you forgive me?”

“Uh yes, yes I....” his eyes immediately went back to her rump.

Luna put her hoof to her face. “Oh dear goddess.”

He shook his head. “do.” She put her tail down and walked away, she turned her head to look at John.

“Are you coming anytime soon?” That knocked him out of his trance.

"Uh yeah, yeah sure.” He got up and followed her around like a puppy. Celestia looked at me.

“James you sure he’ll be okay?”

“Yeah usually things like this only last a few hours.” Luna and John went into their bedroom. “Hey Celestia what are they doing in there.”

“I told her to give him a little show.” We heard a scream and we dashed to Luna’s room. I was the first to arrive on the scene.

“What’s going on?” What I saw confused me to no end, Luna was in a clown costume in one corner and John was in the other. “What the hell is going on in here?”

“Well I sent a letter to Pinkie and asked her how I should do for the show and she said put on a clown costume, juggle and make balloon animals.” I and Celestia start laughing our asses off immediately, its a few minutes before I can speak again.

“Luna, Celestia meant peep show not this!” I waved my hand at the entire scene. “What’s up with John anyway?” I saw John get up and try to get back his composure but he seemed frightened of Luna for some reason. John sighed in defeat.

“I’m afraid of clowns okay.” Everyone starts laugh in the room. John was blushing. “ James you’ve seen the move IT right?”

“Yeah your point?”

“Imagine watching that at midnight with all the lights off when you’re five.” I cringed at the thought I remember how impressionable I was at that age.

“Ouch.”

“My point exactly.” I looked at Luna.

“Luna can you please take that off.”

“Will do James.” She immediately took off the clothes, but no this wasn’t just taking off an article of clothing she literally burned it off her body to make sure none of the horrendous outfit stood a chance of coming back to haunt us. I decided to break the silence.

“So who wants Kraft Dinner for lunch?”

“Well the more obvious question is what Kraft Dinner is?” Luna still looked distraught about the whole situation.

“Well Luna Kraft Dinner is like macaroni and cheese except it’s less nutritious and more fattening.”

“Oh well I guess we could try a plate.” I grabbed a pot and filled it with hot water. I went to the stove, put the pot on the heater and put the heat up to max. In a few minutes the water is boiling and I put the macaroni in, I stir it. I put the timer on for eight minutes and walk in the living room. It seems like everyone is having a good time and they ask me how long until suppers done I said. “Soon.”

In a few minutes I hear the timer buzz, I lifted myself out of my favourite chair and go in the kitchen, I open the cabinet left of the stove. I opened the door it was creaking a low growl as I did. I grabbed my cheap neon green strainer out of cabinet and put off the heat on the stove, I then grabbed my oven mitts. Well they really weren’t oven mitts they were work gloves. I grabbed the pot and poured the contents in the green strainer. It almost filled the medium sized strainer up but there was enough room to shake the excess water out and put the macaroni back in the pot. I mix the powdered cheese, butter and milk together.

I grab two plates and two bowls. The bowls are for the ladies and the plates for the guys since we have hands. I gave a ladle full of Kraft Dinner for everyone; I gave the girls’ spoons and the guys forks. I first serve the two princesses then I feed myself and John. I don’t eat until they take a spoonful of the noodles , they’re eyes turn wide as saucers.

“This is delicious!” They yelled in unison. They start taking the food a heaping spoonful at a time.

“Ha knew you two would love this stuff!” In about 30 seconds they’re done already.

“Can we have more dearest?”

“Okay James can you get them more please and bring bigger bowls.”

“Okay.” I take their bowls and put them in the sink, I grab the two biggest serving bowls I could find. I fill them with Kraft Dinner and put them in the ravenous hooves of Celestia and Luna.

A/N Sorry I was late again but I have really been busy doing more trivial stuff so you can blame on my severe case of writers laziness syndrome :) hope you enjoy the chapter and the book. Tell where you think James should go with his T.A.D.D or if he should even use it other than to go to normal Equestria and what you want to happen because if you don’t choose I will. :) And you might not like where he’s headed so I will give you 2 days time to choose and if no location are added I will input my own .