Life.

What is wrong with me? To be honest I'm not sure myself.I am always In a sour mood,my head is always hurting.

What the hell is wrong with me? I cant even think straight sometimes.My mind is always In a jumble I can never think about anything else once I get stuck on one thing, I'm stuck with it for a while.

Why am I never happy with myself? My special talent is supposed to be about art right? Art instills an aura of creativity around the person who does art.I cant even draw anything original,I always draw the same thing over and over again.

It's always the same thing with me,wake up late, sometimes have breakfast,contemplate life for an hour or I could just go back to sleep.

I'm not interested in anything anymore whatever I do I can never get myself invested in something.In my head I'm always trying to encourage myself to be like every other pony,to be happy..to be special..

What the hell is special about me? I'm just a plain blue self deprecating pegasus.

Why am I like this? I want to be normal, I want to stop thinking about these things.

I just want it all to stop.

I've thought about suicide for a while now,and for all its worth I've tried it.I tried hanging myself but all it did was leave me with a big black bruise all around my neck and a raspy voice for a month.

Cutting does do shit anymore.Every time I take something sharp to my hooves I feel nothing.I just quietly watch the blood drip and spread across my legs,covering the blue with red.

I'm really fucked in the head.Ive had so many weird disturbing thoughts in my head that I always shivered at, now it's just normal for me.Theres nothing else interesting for me to do.

At this point In my life I always try to stay inside.I always tried to isolate myself from pony interaction for the longest time,they're all the same.

Every single fucking one of them.

I cant stand going outside for less than a few minutes.

They all just stare at me whenever I go into town.They all silently judge me as I slowly trot past them.

They all think I'm weird.They're all judging me..

Why? Just why does life have to be so hard for me?

What's wrong with me? Is it my coat? Is it my mane? Is it my eyes?.No no.. it cant be my eyes my mane always covers them.

Is it my cutie mark? Is it the stupid pencil plastered onto my ass?

What the hell is wrong with me? Just what the hell is wrong with me?

I'm not worth looking at,why do they waste their time staring at me? Their creepy eyes peircing into my soul.

Is it my weight? I can fix that.

The mirror lies, the scale lies.Im not underweight,I'm fat and need to eat less.

All I ever want to do is stay curled under my blankets and just hide from the world.

But I just cant, I have to maintain some sort of income.

I dread every day I have to work. I dread eveyday I have to face that cyan pegasus.

I've done nothing wrong to her and yet she hates me. I can feel it,whenever she glares before assigning my position.

Am I really that unpleasant? I always keep my face down and always do her orders exactly how she tells them.

Why cant I do anything right? I tried my best every single time,yet she still fired me.

What did I do? What did I do?

Was I not that efficient? Was I that bad at my job?

The only thing I can do right is self deprecate.

The only thing I can do right is beat myself up.

What am I saying to myself? That's the only thing I know how to do.

I feel like shit.

I'm always in constant pain.

I can't fucking do anything other than toss and turn in my bed.

I cant go to the hospital. They'll just look at me weird.

They probably wont even service me there.

I shouldnt even be given the luxury of going to the hospital.

But this pain is too much! I can't move, I cant stand, I cant even think straight.

Im going to die.

I dont know how long its been since the pain started,its just too unbearable for me.

The only thing that can cure me is death.

But the thought of death still scares me.

The creepy cold feeling that slowly takes you over.

I cant do it.

Death.

That's all I want now.

I dont care.

I dont care if it scares me.

I.

Dont.

Care.

I cant achieve my goal if I dont try to move.

My mind is completely blank. I cant think of anything other than death.

I raise a shaky hoof out of my pile of blankets and painfully push myself to the edge of my bed.

I cant explain how much pain I am in. I just want to give in, to just give up and wait until I slowly die.

But I push forwards and tumble face first onto my bedroom floor,my entire body explodes in an unimaginable wave of pain.

I lay still and wait for the pain to soothe a bit. I force myself up and slide the rest of my body off the bed as I land on my ass.

I keep on moving to the door and stumble a bit as I walk into it before grasping the handle and opening the door,revealing an vertigo induced extending hallway.

Hugging the wall with my forehoof as I slowly inch my way further and further down the hallway.

I fumble and stumble as my leg try to give out on me.

I make my way into the kitchen and immediately aim for my knife block.

I grasp onto a knife and pull it out of the slot,I state at it shaking in my grasp for bit.

"I'm really going to do this."

It was about time before I died to my own self.

I closed my eyes and plunged the knife into my chest with a grunt.

-fin-