Gray Rock

Nightmare & Celestia

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Journal Entry Day 24

The sight of CeeTee a.k.a. Princess Celestia laughing so hard she fell down was worth all the effort of my little scheme. The fact that Nightmare also laughed her plot off about it was icing on the cake. Celestia has the power of life, death, freedom or imprisonment over me, but Nightmare is a permanent addition to my head. I have to keep both of them amused. Odd, my mother had the same power and the same requirement, but I don't resent either of the ponies as much as I do her. I'll have to think about why, beyond the possibility of having sex with them. I guess it's because it isn't constant. A chuckle here, a laugh there, and I don't have to get hurt for it to be amusing. Huh, not as hard as I thought it would be.

Nightmare Moon is a difficult case. I know she's supposed to be the ultimate evil of Equestria, but that's a kid show, and at an adult level Starlight's little utopia is light-years ahead of Nightmare Moon. But that's for another season.

It didn't help that my first encounter was with a bedraggled refugee, nor did it advance her case that I actually know about history and could use it. It's my mind she is in after all.

Physically she tried to be imposing, she's taller than me, which puts her a head and shoulders above other ponies. But, let's say you asked an artist who does Hello Kitty fanart to make a balloon for evil, anthro horse-porn. Then you put a really tight string around the balloon's waist. Everything above and below gets bulged out. No, not just those. I kid you not, her shoulders are a bit broader than mine, and I'm not a small guy, her waist is bigger than any of the Mane Six's, but only slightly, then her hips are as broad as her shoulders. I shudder at the thought of putting a tape measure around her, but the result would make most guys faint.

As for her costume, it's like she couldn't decide between Slave Leia and Darth Vader, and made a tryhard attempt at both. For non-players, tryhards try so hard they fail spectacularly. Her metal bikini and pickelhaube were trying for both sexy and intimidating, but she wound up being cuddly. I mean she's almost all soft curves. The only exceptions are the tip of her horn and the shark tooth on each side where most horses have the gap where the bit is placed, and the latter is pure tryhard, it's got nothing to bite against and she'd have to unhinge her jaw to bite anything with it.

Yeah, I know I'm going on, and sounding like a furry, but I'm still at the age where a weird cosplay aren't enough to put you off a hot female. Her initial foray into the Conquest of Gray Rock went poorly. I did what she least expected, for she is the master of nightmares, I sent her to where and when nightmares really grow.

"You dare stand before one you should be on your knees worshiping?" Nightmare shouted and laughed as we completed the transition. The jungle around us and the muddy dirt road were no clue to where we were.

"I think the Khmer Rouge will be more to your liking," I replied as I stepped off the road and into the jungle, my clothes and appearance changing to a South-East Asian peasant. I may have looked a bit more like a North Vietnamese, but we were all Communist Brothers, right? "You want a night that will last forever? You're about to get your wish."

The small band of kids my age and slightly younger walked into sight. It took only a few moments before the AK-clack could be heard and Nightmare discovered her powers did not make her bullet proof. Bullet-resistant yes, bullet proof no.

"I am your Queen! A God among Ponies!" she shouted over her shoulder as rounds spanged off her helmet or smacked her shield so they hit her like a red-hot marble. "Ouch! Cease your foolishness! I am - ow! Then DIE!"

Magic doesn't work on Earth, so whatever she was trying, it only drained her reserves. The near miss by an RPG had her running again.

"You!" a kid easily three years younger, but with a loaded machinegun, ordered, "Carry our ammunition!"

I nodded, picked up the satchels, and followed them into the jungle after Nightmare.

She's lucky they're so anti-tech, I thought as another two bands introduced Nightmare to the ancient human tactic of persistence hunting, A couple of radios and a map would have caught her by now.

The pursuit continued for another eighteen hours. More senior hunters arrived, and through the day and into the next night the hunt continued. Two attempts to ambush the hunters failed. Once with a point-blank hit with an RPG, which fortunately for Nightmare didn't have time to arm. The second taught her about overwatch with sniper teams. A sharpshooter with an old Lee-Enfield hit her in the throat. She was gagging as she ran away trailing curses.

Since I could actually sense her location, I ditched my masters and I found her holed up in a cave. "So, are you willing to learn how to survive?" I asked the equinoid.

"What will you do if I say yes?" she asked, only the glow of her eyes visible, "Return us to your mind and away from this imagining?"

"Hardly an imagining, this was how they dealt with people," I replied, "As for returning you to the anteroom, no. I will disguise you as I am disguised, then you can tell them you saw you in this cave, and they can carry on the fight."

"And how long will this continue if I refuse versus if I agree?" Nightmare asked as she walked towards the cave mouth and the moonlight. She looked the worse for wear, no longer an object of terror, but not yet an object of pity.

"The Vietnamese will invade in about two months, so if you want to hold out for that long, you can stay out here. Otherwise there's food and shelter in the village," I told her.

"Do as you wish," she sighed.

A few minutes later, two villagers caught up with the hunters and directed them to the cave. Tunnel Rats were sent for and we were sent back to the village to lead them to the hunting party.

"I look more like an ugly male than you do," Nightmare complained as we tramped through the jungle in the growing dawn.

"Be glad you do," I told her, "You would not enjoy your fate if you were pretty, female or both."

We were put on burial detail while other soldiers led the new hunters to the cave in the woods. I was digging the holes. Nightmare was filling them.

"What did they do to deserve this?" Nightmare asked during a break as the Red Guards verified our work. "Those women - you are right, an ugly male is preferable."

"They were the village's leaders, teachers, and monks from a local shrine. People who could think and excel, all high crimes to the new regime," I told her, "You wanted darkness to last forever, look around, this is what it looks like. The tyranny of the entitled and weak, anyone better must be guilty, and if guilty punished. 'Come the revolution, scores will be settled'. You expected you'd be on top, but those on top were killed first, even among the revolutionaries."

"You come from a very dark place," Nightmare said.

"What happens when people shovel their conscience into a hole and bury it," I told her, "The rest of the body follows?"

I am up early, as are the rest of the family, but they are going to do a family thing and with all the apples harvested they could give me some time off.

"What's the basket for?" I ask as a stocked picnic basket with a large blanket rolled through the handle is thrust into my hands.

Poor Applejack looks like she is going to have an aneurism, Applebloom just looks confused, but Big Mac and Granny smile knowingly. "Oh jist some treats for you and the lady," Granny explains, "Maybe you'll catch something, maybe you won't, but you'll have something to eat either way."

"Thank you. I hope you have good luck with your planning," I tell them as I leave. I planned to reach the Castle of the Pony Sisters just after sun up, and I am not all that worried about walking through the Everfree in the twilight. The essence of Nightmare can be sensed by the things here, and they flee.

CeeTee a.k.a. Celestia is calling my name as I approach the castle. "I'm here," I call back, and Nightmare withdraws, hiding all traces of herself within me, "The Apples wanted me to carry this, and it slowed me down a bit." I lift the basket as I walk over the plank bridge spanning the chasm.

"There's enough for your guards as well," I say and watch her start, "You couldn't have walked here ahead of me, so you've got a couple of pegasi and an air chariot stashed somewhere."

CeeTee nearly facepalms, but smiles instead. "Yes, you got me. So I assume you wanted to talk about things you didn't want anyone in Ponyville to hear about."

"A few, a couple of things that Nightmare mentioned about Princess Luna," I pause at Celestia's darkening expression, "Specifically, she's got a dream-based whipping going on, her darker impulses torturing her."

"I never mentioned that," Nightmare says.

I felt it through your connection to her, I tell her, literally true. I just wasn't going to tell her why I'd been looking for it. I.e., I saw that episode.

"I'll let Celestia know," Celestia says, "What else?"

"Not something she said, but something implied," I explain, "A way of defeating Nightmare without the Elements."

"No! You wouldn't! Traitor!" Nightmare silently shouts, and cringes at Celestia's eager expression.

"You have shown me the folly of my wish, at least in your own realm," Nightmare said as we returned to the anteroom, "But I am still Nightmare! There are terrors you little understand and will cringe in horror about!"

I had had just about all I could stand of 'me god of evil' out of this cartoon villain. It was time to test a theory about the universality of certain pony traits.

"Wha - wha ha ha stop! Wha wha I wha wha ha command ha ha wha ha ha you! Wha ah ha ha cease!"

Yes, like any other pony, Nightmare Moon was ticklish. She was already on the floor squirming, so I sat across her hips and caught her at the waist, under the arms, behind the knee, and missed catching a foot as she writhed. She was soon beyond having breath to talk, or coordination to defend, and I relentlessly bore in on the most sensitive spots. She was soon gasping between laughs. I could vaguely assume that some of the sounds were pleas for mercy. But I continued.

Celestia is trying to look horrified, with both hands covering her face, but she's trying too hard not to laugh herself for it to be believable.

"It gets worse," I explain.

"Please don't," Nightmare pleads.

It makes you less of a threat, I tell Nightmare, All part of the plan.

"Bastard," Nightmare says.

Yes, what's your point? I ask.

"She suddenly stopped laughing and started bucking her hips," I say, ignoring Celestia's gasp, "Not hard enough to throw me off, so I bore in and went after her most ticklish spots. When she slumped, no longer laughing, just panting, I thought I'd gone too far."

"What did she do?" Celestia is also not laughing, she's asking with deadly seriousness, "What did she do?"

"I slipped off of her and picked her up, so she was sitting facing me," I say, "Then she wrapped herself around me: arms, wings, legs, mane and tail, and starts sobbing as if her heart was breaking."

Celestia stares at me as if I'd gone mad.

"I got out of her later that I'd shown where her philosophy led, then had her completely at my mercy and I didn't kill or abuse her. She expected rape and murder sequentially or interspersed, that's what her philosophy predicted, no, demanded. She wasn't expecting a soft domination, 'I can beat you, but I'll do it in a way that doesn't hurt or kill you.' It shocked her out of her mind," I explain.

"Piss on you," Nightmare says.

Oh, I'll stick the knife in, I think back at her, Just watch.

"I think the other lesson," I say, interrupting both's reply, "Is what you'll have to tell Celestia: that Luna was jealous, not as if the mob praised her sister and not her, but that the mob stole her sister's affection from her. The mob became Celestia's new lover, and she no longer had time for her BFF."

Nightmare giggles at Celestia's expression, which does kind of look like I stabbed her.

"I know Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have their hauteur and their duties. But if Celestia doesn't make time for Luna, the Elements won't save her next time," I tell Celestia, who suddenly looks around guiltily, "And it won't save Princess Celestia either."

"Excuse me a moment, I have to check in with the troops," she says as she gets up and practically sprints away.

How can she not see that you know she's Princess Celestia? Nightmare asks, among her other grumbling.

Because she knows I only see Celestia disguising herself, not Princess Celestia, I think in reply.

"Discord is going to canonize you," Nightmare tells me.

That adds another curlicue to my evil plan, but I'll let it simmer. Speaking of simmering I have located an old firepit, and I collect some branches and a bit of tinder. I'm no expert woodsman, but Granny packed a few strike-anywhere matches in a tight-fitting metal container. I soon have a small fire going. I lay the blanket where I can cast into the river, and watch the fire pit.

Why would she want me so well equipped for a date with Princess Celestia? I wonder, I thought she was pushing me and Applejack together.

"I hope you're all okay with me disappearing all of tomorrow," I told the Apples as I arrived back at the house, "Clear Brook's boss wants to do an in-depth interview."

" 'Clear Brook's boss'?" Applejack began.

"What's she look like?" Big Mac interrupted his sister, an event so rare she's stunned by it.

I never said it was a she, I thought.

"Very tall Earth Pony, pink mane and tail, blue eyes," I said.

"Cutie mark," Granny scolds, "The cutie mark is the first thing."

"Sorry, I never saw it, she was wearing a skirt the whole time," I said.

"She's from Canterlot," Granny said.

"How tall?" Applebloom asked.

"Taller than Big Mac or me," I answered, "I saw that when she ran out, she seemed kind of upset about me explaining that the mare Celestia doesn't want to hurt me, but the Princess must protect the people, maybe from me, and that I was kind of okay with that."

"You're okay with getting sent to Tartarus?" Applebloom asked, "And aren't Celestia and Princess Celestia the same pony?"

I kneel down so I'm face to face with the younger pony. "Humans can put their thoughts in mental boxes. They call it compartmentalizing. So as me, a kid, I can want to run and play all day; but as someone who's responsible, I can see the work needs to get done; and as someone who looks to the future, I can want to 'waste time' trying to see if Rock Farming works."

Applebloom crosses her eyes at that.

"It's the reason Nightmare wasn't able to take me over. She got into a big hall full of closets, where with Luna the big hall was all there was. And I took her into a closet filled with things worse than she'd ever imagined," I told Applebloom as I stood up.

"Worse?" Big Mac asked.

"Do you really want to hear?" I asked and glanced down at 'Bloom.

"Nope," Big Mac said, with a glance that meant 'later when we're applebucking'.

"Well I'm no scardy pony!" Applebloom declared.

Granny gave a slight nod.

That one action gave me a bigger feeling of belonging than anything else had. Granny was trusting me to give Applebloom an important lesson.

"Okay, you know how they're always after you to brush your teeth?" I asked.

Applebloom frowned and nodded. Applejack's and Big Mac's perplexed expressions showed they were lost too.

"Well, if you don't that stuff builds up on your teeth, enough you can scratch it off," I said and waited for Applebloom to nod, "Well, it's not all food. Some of it are bacteria. So imagine instead of having something gross to look at, you thought of having a mouth full of critters pissing all over your teeth?"

Applebloom's eyes went wide and her hair bow stood straight up. " 'scuse me!" She rushed off to the bathroom, likely not to vomit, but to do a proper job of brushing her teeth.

Applejack and Big Mac both looked disgusted, but Granny smiled and nodded. I'd passed her test, and I felt pretty good about that.

I take up one of the fishing poles CeeTee brought, and bait it with a bit of sliced up parasprite. My cast is adequate, so I back up onto the blanket and I just move my line along the water.

"You're doing it wrong," Nightmare tells me.

Do you know how to do it right? I wonder. Nightmare is suspiciously silent.

Celestia returns looking rather more chipper than she had been.

"Sorry for ruining your mascara, but I don't think Celestia will beat you too hard for telling her those things," I say as I keep my eyes on the water, and the bobber on the line.

"Clonk," Nightmare says, referencing Celestia's jaw drop, although I do glance over to verify it wasn't Celestia falling over.

"It's a joke," I tell them, "Mark number two on my list of things I failed at today."

"I'm not used to people being so forthright," Celestia says, "Considering what you have to lose, if the crown became displeased, you seem to have more faith in Princess Celestia's clemency than others who've known her longer."

Wait'll you hit Lesson Zero, I stifle my voice and thoughts where Nightmare can't hear.

"If she wanted me dead or imprisoned, I'd be dead or imprisoned," I tell her, "A day working or relaxing with friends is undeniable proof of her mercy. Not many can say the same."

"A grim way to look at it," she says as she baits the other pole with parasprite and casts it expertly.

"Okay enough grim talk for a bit, or you'll run off again, and I'm getting tired of trying to think and talk like a 30-year-old. Question from the horny teenager, why are all of you so hot? There are girls in my school who'd do anything to look like one of the Bearers."

Except diet and exercise, I silently add, which has Nightmare snickering.

"Clear Brook is a gray-haired grandmother, and she's better than most women I saw in my neighborhood or on television," I say, "A few swimsuit models would rival the bearers. But even the guys are good looking. That was what convinced me something else was going on with the Bearers: there are lots of better-looking guys around here."

Celestia gives a snort. "You're not exactly chopped hay you know. And what about the heads and faces." She leans close to let me get a good look at hers.

"It's alien, but still beautiful," I say and get a good look at her blush. "An artist came up with an idea called the Uncanny Valley, as something humanoid looks more and more human, its acceptability grows. Then suddenly, it drops off sharply, it becomes more human, but becomes more repulsive. Until it bottoms out, then sharply climbs again. He theorized that when something enters the Uncanny Valley we stop seeing it as something that's trying to be human, and see it as an animated corpse or something, until it's out of the valley and it's trying to be human again."

"So we're alien enough to avoid the Uncanny Valley?" Celestia asks, she's intrigued by the concept, and the discussion, "And you're sounding like a 30-year-old again. Or should I expect you to seduce me?"

That gets a blush out of me, a tent in my pants, and gut-busting laughter from Nightmare. Then Celestia joins in as she realizes just how much she flustered me.

With the seventeen-year-old overwhelmed by hormones, the thirty-year-old switches back to safe topics. "I'd never mistake any pony for a human if I could see them, but you don't trigger the uncanny valley," I reply, managing not to stammer.

Her reply is interrupted by the rod nearly flying out of her hands. Nightmare projects a brief image of me and Celestia diving for it and her landing on top of me. Then Nightmare laughing her ass off as I blush at the thought. I'll admit here, and remember to append a note in my other journal that I'm getting a crush on CeeTee. My actual reasons are she's still gorgeous, and besides the Apples, she's the only one who treats me as a person, rather than a ticking time bomb, or a lust object.

I watch her reel in the fish, a large bass, if bass here look like the bulldog-looking fish back home. Hey trout come to a point, bass look like a bulldog. Most fish I've seen are on fishing shows or wrapped in plastic at the store. Celestia not only lands it, but gets the hook out, guts and filets it without pausing. From her expression she's not pleased by the work, but is determined to 'do a nasty job well'.

"Thank you," I say as she finishes, "Can you teach me to do that?"

"You came to fish and didn't know how?" she asks. Her incredulous expression becoming a grin.

"I never expected to catch anything," I admit.

"Then why sit out here?" she asks.

I set the fish on a stick over the fire to cook. I lay back on the blanket. "Just to decompress, to get some time away from all my normal concerns here and just think," I say, then raise up on an elbow to watch Celestia watching me while lying on her side on the blanket. "I like most of the ponies, even the ones like Rainbow and Pinkie who scare me. It's just that sometimes their attitude just builds up a little too much and I need to get away. They're so sure of things, and so ill-prepared for bad things to happen, I sometimes want to scream. Big Mac was so sure he could move something, when Applejack and I were just a couple minutes away, so he got hurt because he thought 'oh I can do this, I don't need help', for a culture that talks about friendship, they are ashamed about asking for help. And don't ask about bullying. If I let Nightmare out to do what she'd want to do to the ponies bullying Applebloom, I'd get thrown in the statue garden in a heartbeat, and that's less than what I'd want to do of my own free will. The last time I got bullied that way, I stomped the crap out of the bully, and the bullying stopped, not just that day, not just that bully, but through two, other schools. But here, nopony cares. Standing up for yourself is a greater crime than terrorizing someone weaker."

Celestia is clearly not happy with the revelation. Strangely, Nightmare doesn't want to see the footage of the bully-stomp.

"So I just accept that is the culture, and say nothing," I say, "I don't know if that's the legacy of the Three Kingdoms and the Windingos, or something else, but it bothers me."

"So why don't you change it?" Celestia asks.

"I'm the host of Nightmare Moon," I reply, "Anything I say is tainted, and I haven't earned the trust of enough ponies to overcome that. They have a zebra who comes into town to buy supplies and the place locks up tight, and that's a fellow equine. If I start talking about standing up for myself, they'll think Nightmare has taken over."

I want to mention Starlight's little paradise, but I'm going to wait on that until I can find it and report it to the authorities. I sit up and turn the fish, it's nearly done.

"You don't think much of ponies, or their ruler," Celestia says.

"My people are predators, omnivores. In my world horses occasionally eat meat, here, they would get freaked out if they knew I was eating what I catch," I say, "Different world, different rules. If they've had the same rules for a thousand years, maybe they like them."

Celestia lays back on the blanket looking pensive while I check on the fish.

Applejack was sweating bullets as Pinkie Pie stormed around looking for Gray Rock.

"You forgot to invite him, didn't you?" Rarity asked as she stood up to Pinkie's towering rage.

Applejack started sweating worse as Pinkie marched over to her. "You gave him the invitation, right?" Pinkie asked.

"Yes," Applejack said. Silently awaiting the question of whether Gray Rock opened it after finding out it was from Pinkie Pie.

"THEN WHERE IS HE?" the flaming, pink head thundered.

"Havin' a picnic with Princess Celestia," Applejack said, and hung her head.

"DIDN'T HE READ THE INVITATION?" Pinkie demanded, not noticing a lot of ponies were exiting.

"After he asked if it were an apology, he set it aside, maybe he'll read it later," Applejack said and tried a smile, "I'm sure he'll feel bad about missing your party." She dropped the smile when she saw it was having the opposite effect.

"Wait, he's having a picnic with Celestia?" Twilight asked.

"She disguised herself as an Earth Pony, but it's her," Applejack said, ignoring Pinkie sounding like a runaway engine, "And she supposedly needed to talk to him about - stuff, he probably doesn't even know it's the Princess, y'all know how clueless he can be."

"On the day of his Welcome to Ponyville Party?" Pinkie shouted.

Applejack and Twilight looked to Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow, everypony else had made a hasty exit.

"If Celestia needed to talk with him, then it has to be important," Twilight said she looked back to Pinkie, "I'm sorry Pinkie, but I'm afraid he made the right choice."

The Pink Rocket exploded out of the building and out of town.

"Should I go after her?" Rainbow asked between bites of ice-cream-covered cake.

"Can even you catch her when she's like this?" Rarity asked.

Rainbow finished her cupcake and laughed nervously. "Maybe she'll cool down by the time she finds him. After all, she doesn't know where to look. Right?"

The other mares looked at each other nervously.

"Why would he want to know if it was an apology letter?" Fluttershy asked as she glanced among her friends.

Now they looked worried.

CeeTee had excused herself when a scroll flashed into existence and practically dropped in her lap. I had yelled after her that I had a roll of proper paper if she needed it. With her gone, I ate the fish that she'd caught and I cooked.

I finished with disaster approaching. The pink blur looks like a special effect for some warp or hyperspace ship appearing. There's a kind of picture that you cut it in half and you loose resolution rather than the whole picture, Pinkie's appearance looks like that, she starts blurry then gets clearer.

Before she's all there, she's screaming at me, "You didn't read the invitation!"

"An invitation," I reply, not a question, a statement. I am not going to give her an argument, but I am going to draw this out. Long enough for CeeTee to get back. Pinkie is shouting loud enough that I've no doubt that she's hearing this. Heck, Zecora is probably hearing it.

"I give you an invitation to a party you show up, bucko!" she shouts, poking me in the chest for emphasis. CeeTee is charging back, Pinkie's shout and the echos disguising her footfalls.

"Why?" I ask. Nightmare has fled, an angry Pinkie Pie is not a force she wishes to face. I don't look at Celestia but concentrate on Pinkie.

"Because you were invited!" she replies.

"So Princess Celestia has been overthrown and you now command?" I ask, "Because that sound like an order, not an invitation."

"It's impolite!" Pinkie says, poking me again.

"As impolite as ordering me to attend after I've asked you not to?" I ask, I quickly recognize that I'm falling into my old habit of directing one female's anger at another female, something I need to stop doing here. Instead I need to refute her points, "Impolite, have I ever refused to help you set up or tear down? I even told you I didn't want to attend parties. How is it impolite that I'm willing to work with you, but want to spend my fun time my own way?"

"You got an invitation!" she reminds me.

"So an invitation is an order? I have to forget what I want to do and do as you command?" I ask, struggling to keep my voice level. This 'your time is mine' attitude infuriated me with my half-sisters, who weren't putting food on the table and clothes on my back, because whenever I needed something, I got ignored.

Her reply is preempted by a whipcrack tone, "Pinkamena Diane Pie!"

Pinkie cringes as she remembers who I am having a day off with.

"Gray Rock, go talk to the guards," CeeTee orders, "Pinkamena Diane Pie and I have something to discuss, about treating friends properly."

I practically run to the door Celestia has been coming and going through. Balustrade and a stallion I'm not supposed to recognize as Shinging Armor awaits me, along with a smaller, pink alicorn, none other than Cadence.

"Are you Rarity's brother?" I ask, "I know that colors don't run in families but the similarities are too close."

The guard frowns while the alicorn chuckles. "Captain Shining Armor," she explains, "Twilight Sparkle's brother."

I stare. "Brother, I could have sworn she was an only child. I understand not wanting to talk about family, I'd be horrified if mine showed up. I'll have to ask Applejack about when she talked about you."

"She probably hasn't, not with you to study," Shining Armor says and frowns, "You have certainly stirred up a hornet's nest."

"I don't like parties, I never have and never will," I say, and glance around, "Can you all keep a secret? Even from the Princesses?"

The trio look around nervously. "I am a princess," Cadence says, "But I keep a few confidences from Princesses Luna and Celestia."

"Okay, I know that's Princess Celestia, I also know she enjoys playing at being 'just an ordinary functionary', Nightmare told me when I saw her, and Nightmare hasn't lied to me yet. Although if she and Celestia got into a two-way race and Nightmare lost, she'd tell me she came in second and Celestia came in next to last."

Balustrade and Armor both snort at that.

Cadence gets a concerned look on her face. "You care for Nightmare, don't you?"

"Have you ever had a friend who always gets into trouble, but they still stick by you no matter what?" I ask, getting uncomfortable recognition from all of them, "Nightmare's like that. She's suggested a dozen ways I could take over Equestria, and backs off the moment I suggest all the paperwork involved in actually running the place."

Cadence facepalms while the two stallions snicker.

"Don't laugh, if someone forces Celestia off the throne, I could go through them to put her back on within a few days," I tell them.

The stallions sober up, but Cadence laughs, "Maybe a few days, so she could spend some time with Luna."

"Okay, toss her off, then reconquer Nightmare in time to put her back. That might appeal to Nightmare's rather macabre sense of humor. She'll suggest how fun it will be watching a pony basically self-destruct long before I see any signs, which let's me intervene," I say, "And there are times when I'll let the joke run."

Nightmare screamed in agony as her belly distended farther. Gray Rock laughed as he rammed her up the ass again. "Take it you bitch! Yell, scream, cry! There's no one to hear you and no one to save you from getting filled with spunk like an old balloon!"

Nightmare's screams became a gurgling cry as Gray Rock's back arched as he hauled back on her mane, ignoring the tail slapping at him and Nightmare trying to crawl forward.

"Stop this, I command ye!" a teenaged Luna charged into the dreamscape, "Nightmare's crimes do not warrent such -!"

Nightmare and Gray Rock exploding into a sickly-yellow goo covered most of Luna in the foul-smelling filth. Luna's facial contortions showed she'd gotten some goo in her mouth.

Nightmare's laughter at the alicorn's plight ceased as Gray Rock's voice cut through, "Nightmare!"

The dark force fled as the human approached. He sighed as he approached Luna and tried to wave away the smell. "I'm afraid you're going to be stuck like that until it's washed off," Gray Rock told her.

"It resists my powers," the horrified alicorn told him.

"Yeah, it's got Schmooze goo as an ingredient, and any soap and water strong enough to cut it will burn your skin so badly the fur will all fall out," he told her and lifted a bucket labeled 'Baby Oil', "First, it's named after its user, not its ingredient. Second, oil will dissolve that stuff, and this washes away with soap and water." He set the bucket down.

"How will that help?" Luna asked.

"We rub this into your fur, scrape it off with a strigil, rub in a second go and then you take a bath," he said and raised one of the two similar implements he held. It looked like a modified straight razor.

"We can do that ourselves," Luna told him, "Thou shan't watch us bathe."

"Your business, your funeral, but get everywhere, that stuff will cling like snot and it's slipperier than the finest axle grease," he said before marching off.

"She called you back, didn't she?" Clear Brook asks.

I nod. "After she tried to swear me to silence, I agreed to a seven-day moratorium," I tell the group, "Keeping secrets, any secrets involving Nightmare will get me in the neck, so I gave her a week to deal with her end."

Everyone turns as CeeTee arrives, the poor mare looks like she'd been fighting a war, and losing. Pinkie is nowhere to be seen. "I withdraw my previous question," CeeTee says, her question about me having to get away from ponies.

She straightens up and looks at me sadly. "I'm afraid you'll need to spend a week or two in Canterlot," she says, "There are things we need to know, and Ponyville and the Bearers are not conducive to finding them out without driving you over the edge."

I nod. "I'd like to say goodbye to the Apples," I tell her, "They've all been universally decent."

"I'll have a letter delivered," she says, "Princess Cadence, we need to return to Canterlot. I'll brief the Princesses."

Cadence nods. "Of course."

Cadence's horn glows, and the world and ponies wink out. After a few moments of it not winking back in my concerns grow, since CeeTee and Cadence seem to not be wherever I am.

"Hello?" I call, "Nightmare, are you around?"

"Nothing's wrong, it's just that ponies don't perceive the moment of teleportation the way you and I do."

"So, how long will this trip take?" I ask.

"Conjure a table, I'll get a deck of cards and I'll teach you how to play Horns, Wings and Hooves," she tells me.

I have a feeling the instantaneous transport is going to take a long time.

I wake in my cell, it's 3 feet wide, some 7 feet long and 2 feet high. The bedding within and warm blankets make it not uncomfortable to sleep in. The top, bottom and three sides are solid wood, small air holes bored in the top, with the last side a thick section of glass with no gaps or holes.

What is worrying is Princess Celestia, Captain Shining Armor, and a gray-bearded pony I don't recognize all affixing their own locks, each with very different keys, to the hasps holding the top to the wooden sides. They slide the cell back on rollers like a drawer, and a heavy bar is affixed before the glass face, preventing someone from pulling out the drawer to access the top locks.

They walk away without saying anything, and I remember I have said nothing to them in the two weeks I've been in this situation. Celestia was originally quite miffed at the silent treatment and sent me to bed without supper. My refusal to eat or drink anything for the next two days put her in a bit of a state, so she had to accept that while I was a prisoner, I would act like one.

The bedding is clean, I've been able to wash before I was brought here, if not for the locks it might be a comfortable abode. But bars and lock may not make a cage, they're a good approximation.

It's morning before I'm aware I've slept. The routine remains the same. Food, shit, dress and work. I've been building a stone wall near the statue gardens. A safety wall to prevent others from falling over the edge. Though me falling over the edge, or jumping seems to be of little concern. The guards are armed with nets and blunted tridents, weapons better suited for trapping a target rather than to harm or kill. They are arrayed to keep me from breaking past them to get at the pony population. No preventative steps have been taken to keep me from leaping over the edge to my death. Likewise, neither they nor I speak to the other.

I have a water bottle, which when empty, I would put off to the side and step away. The guards would replace the bottle with a prefilled one and refill the empty container. Only after they have moved away can I retrieve the bottle. At the end of an 18-hour workday, I am allowed to bathe, then I'm returned to my cell and locked in for the night.

Sleep comes quickly after the wearing day.

I wake in the four-poster bed with curtains around it, as I have been waking for the past few days. Again, the first time I've done this, but the surety remains I've been doing this again and again. Not deja vu, but remembering bland details that I haven't experienced.

Another dream, I think, I must have royally pissed off Princess Luna, but this hardly seems like her style of Nightmare.

The light from the windows leaks in through the few gaps in the curtains. I sit up and pull the curtains aside, letting the light pour in painfully. I glanced around the kidney-bean shaped room, and up at the odd ceiling. It was 20 feet near the inner wall, and some 40 feet near the windows. The windows started some 10 feet above the floor, and without a means of climbing up to look out I wasn't sure where in Canterlot I was. I vaguely remember spending several fruitless hours trying to climb up, and failing. Although the details are sketchy to barely remembered.

Like the drawer scenario, I don't feel Nightmare. The overall impression of surreality/surrealness nags at me. I dress and leave the room. There are no guards, no passers by, and no other ponies in sight despite the wide avenues and large windows.

The sound of galloping hooves sounds and I take cover behind an empty suit of armor. The sheathed sword is either cast as a piece with the armor or welded in place. I relax a little when I see Princess Celestia, with full regalia, looking around.

"Your Highness." I bow as I step out, but step back when she approaches.

"Gray Rock, it's me, I'm real," she tells me.

"With respect," I say and gesture around, "This is a nightmare, so anything in it can be in service to that end. And as for telling me something to prove you are whom you appear to be, my subconscious could access anything I know."

"So there's no way to prove I mean you no harm?" she sounds unhappy about that.

"Not until I wake up," I say, "No offense your Highness, but Princess Luna still thinks she owes me a bad turn for Nightmare's prank. And dream walking is not your strong suit, so I am going to keep my distance and my paranoia."

"I only wanted to assure you this is necessary, isolating you from Nightmare," Celestia says.

"Is she taking it better than I am?" I ask.

"You have been alone or with limited interaction for eight weeks, she cracked after two days," Celestia says, "In the real world, we noted you materialized a full three minutes after the teleport."

"It took two months to arrive at the drawer, Nightmare and I were alone that entire time," I tell her, "Next time, I'll take the train."

"Since I can't prove I am who I say I am, and am safe, is there something you don't know you wish to know about?" Princess Celestia asks.

"As a matter of fact," I say, ignoring her squawk as I throw open the window and step through.

While I arrive standing in the statue garden, she was leaping at me, and face plants some feet away from me. I help her up. I note that she does not let go of my hand. "I don't wish to die, but this is part of the dream and warps what's around it," I tell her as we stand before Discord's statue, "I couldn't have managed that for any other statue."

"Surely Nightmare would have mentioned Discord," Princess Celestia says, her thumb brushing over the back of my hand.

"Mentioned Discord the Draconequus, she did, describe him, she did not," I say.

"Why are you doing that weird voice?" Celestia asks.

"Old custom when spouting useless platitudes," I reply and step closer to the statue, Celestia tried to stay where she is and keep a grip on my hand, "So, that is the champion that destiny has decreed I must slay in mortal combat." The cheesy echo helps the effect. So when I turn to look at her, Celestia is facepalming. With her other hand she's still holding my hand.

"Somehow, I get the impression that deploying you against Discord would be an excellent, or terrible idea," Celestia says, then pulls back, pulling me with her, "I think you aren't the right tool to use against him."

"You aren't going to take him unawares as you did the first time. And I don't think ignoring him will work, as there's no alternative for him to go to," I say as I conjure a blanket and the two of us sit on it among the grass in the sunshine.

Celestia removes her regalia, then her horn and wings. "Just CeeTee now," she says, and braces for the explosion.

"I knew, you keep forgetting that Nightmare promised to help me. Letting me miss that CeeTee was Celestia doesn't count as 'helping', and Celestia isn't Princess Celestia," I say, "Of course I told Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, Clear Brook and Balustrade that I know, but I'll let you decide if you want them to know you know I know or that you know they know or that I know you know they know I know. Think of the practical jokes you can spawn." When she grins, I add, "I'm not the only one with darkness flowing about in my head, I'm just the one who isn't guilty about it."

She sticks out her tongue at me. "So, you planning to overthrow me?" she asks.

"Or put you back on the throne," I say, "I can imagine it without the least intention of doing it. I can imagine all manner of things I wouldn't do in a million years."

"But you used those imaginings against Nightmare," Celestia as CeeTee says.

"I used one against Nightmare. And I didn't use any of the others: Vlad the Impaler, Joseph Stalin, Chairman Mao, the Imperial Japanese camp at Harbin, Emperor Caligula, or all of the inventive ways people have corrected the behavior of those around them, even if it killed them," I say, "I studied my people's history. While we had great triumph, we had great darkness. We would never have abandoned our home continent like ponies did, or after over a thousand years with the Undying Sun as our ruler, we would have reconquered it. Our sin is pride. We think we can do anything. Your people's is accepting their place and going crazy when that place is threatened or lost completely. There's probably a special word for believing your observation of reality trumps objective reality, but trust me I've seen that in my people too. My mother and half-sisters lived it. My sin was pride, I had a plan to escape and had worked it in secret for years. I also assumed I was putting one over on my mother and half-sisters."

"You seem very insistent on the terminology," Celestia says, a hint of the Princess peeking out. She still hasn't released my hand.

"A bit of my own revenge against my treatment, a very formal and correct way of calling them. Mom, ma, sister and sis are all friendly and familiar, mother and half-sister are clinical and cold. They are blood relations, they aren't my family," I say, then glance down and loosen my grip, "Sorry, it's a very sore spot."

"I've fought in battles, a tight hand clasp isn't going to break me," she says, "What about Nightmare, and the Apples?"

Now I flop back on the blanket. "Nightmare . . . I guess I've always been treated so badly, that I don't mind her little digs, especially when they protect me or let me help others. I just assume she doesn't mean them, it's just her way. The Apples, they are a family. They trusted me, but I'll never be one of them, unless I marry Applejack."

Celestia giggles at that.

"But they treated me better than my mother and half-sisters ever did," I say, "I don't mine expecting to work hard and show loyalty, but when there's repocity."

"Reciprocity," Celestia says, "Give and take equally."

"Yeah, I want to be part of that," I say and close my eyes, feeling extraordinarily tired.

She lays down on her stomach, resting her chin on her folded arm and covers me with a restored wing. "Then rest, Luna will not approve, but I'm afraid I'll have to let you prove your good intentions."

"In battle no doubt," I say and close my eyes as she snuggles up against me.