Bushel of Apples

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Journal Entry Day 43

I'm going back to Ponyville. Huzzah and rapture. The tests have completed and I've been found to be mostly harmless. The sovereigns had decided I should return to Ponyville and Princess Luna had waited until Celestia left before telling me point blank I was to 'report to Ponyville expeditiously.'

Nothing more fun than following orders to the letter. It's called Malicious Compliance. So I didn't wait for Clear Brook and Balustrade to catch up, get word of our return, finish visiting their colleagues/family or collect their things. I left. I had the voucher from the major domo and was on the train and heading out before the sun went down. Just short of Ponyville proper there's a stop by a water tower and coaling station. I got off there and as the last twilight faded, marched overland to a little building that was the Ponyville jail, before the larger guard station and stockade were built. Since I knew the stockade was unmanned/unponied? ([sic] but Fast Link, the caretaker at the old jail was still there, that's where I reported.

The old, gray pegasus stallion stared through his bushy eyebrows at me standing there in a prisoner's orange and green-striped shirt and pants. I swear, while his mane and tail were patchy, if he could transplant his eyebrow follicles to them he'd have luxurious growth in no time.

"Oh, young Gray Rock, I was just closing up, what brings you out here?" he asked as he trudged aside to let me in. He closed and locked the door behind him.

"Orders from Princess Luna, Sergeant Fast Link" I admitted with a shrug, "I was to 'report to Ponyville expeditiously', since the stockade is closed with Captain Balustrade and Clear Brook still in Canterlot, this is where I'm to report to I guess."

He frowned a bit. "Most irregular, but I suspect they have a reason. Pick a bunk, the cell doors don't work, as you know," he said then muttered, "Like everything else around here, useless."

I didn't point out that he was among the useless, unworking things that Celestia had here. He was kept on for his long service and having him starve to death was against her morals, so he had a make work job that he really didn't work at. Maintenance of the place being his primary job. "Well, I suspect I'll be here for a while, so I can help with repairs. Once they clear up what I'm here for, and how long I'm to be here we can formalize things," I said.

"Damned irregular," he muttered as I selected the cleanest bunk, deciding that laundry and some general housekeeping were on the docket for tomorrow.

Journal Entry Day 48

It took them five days and Spike remembering the old stallion might help in the man-hunt to locate me. To say Spike was in full facepalm mode, and the old soldier was livid was underplaying things considerably.

We'd repaired the cell doors, and the window bars, got the place looking spic and span, and I'd even helped get the interior set up for repainting when a company of heavily-armed Royal Guards, all six Element-Bearers, and a few of the most ridiculously visible ninja-ponies charged over.

I doubt 'hopping mad' was ever so correctly applied. Fast Link is actually able to get airborne for a short moment as he paces. "I did report him!" the old stallion says and flaps furiously, "Used the new forms, Gray Rock checked it over, I gave it to the mail mare, young Gray Rock watched that too. All right and proper, I have the carbon copies to prove it!" now he really starts shouting, "Who the Bloody Tartarus reported him missing without checking the logs!"

The officers all shy back from the old soldier being called out for dereliction, when he did everything right. I keep scrupulously silent, letting the plan unfold at its own speed. Nopony wants to contradict the old soldier, or to point out his report was likely trashed the instant it arrived as a sign of growing senility. Why would he have a dangerous prisoner after all and how could he hold one?

"Why didn't you report to the stockade?" the most senior officer asks me.

"Don't answer, you're still under my jurisdiction and cannot be examined without a legal representative," the old stallion tells me, "He arrived and reported that he knew the stockade was not garrisoned and that Her Highness' orders were to 'report to Ponyville expeditiously'. I verified the next day that the stockade's staff: Captain Balustrade and Doctor Clear Brook, were still in Canterlot. This was the only place to report to. All of that, word for word, was in my report."

The next probably would have scared off Sombra, "WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS HAD ANYPONY ACTUALLY READ IT!"

Pinkie stepped forward. "Well, this has all been cleared up," she says and grins, "But you can come to a welcome back party."

"I'm not setting foot outside this jail until this is all cleared up and Sergeant Fast Link's good name has been restored," I say, "I'm officially a fugitive, and if signed paperwork doesn't prove I followed the commands of the Diarchs, then your word is worth even less."

The Bearers glance at each other nervously.

"Call a JG officer," Fast Link says and looks straight at Twilight, "Not a student. A Colonel at least, this directly affects a Royal Order and needs all the i's dotted and the t's crossed, maybe even a presentation to the Court itself. Never in all my days have I seen such a complete cod-up."

There are a lot of shamed looks at the guards. Derpy has flown in, momentarily examining the crowd, then ignoring them to do her duty. "Receipt for the delivery of your report," she says happily, "It's got who signed for it and everything, just like I told you."

The mail mare had understood how important the report was and suggested the return receipt to Fast Link, recording the date, time and name of the receiving person.

"Anything else?" the old soldier asks as he collects the paperwork, "Like a reply?"

Derpy shrugs, then flies away. I hear Spike's facepalm amid the silence of the ponies.

I'll skip over the military arguments, I excused myself and told Fast Link I needed to deliver a message from Luna and an apology to the Bearers privately. So I led them in, locked myself in my cell and told them what I'd put together from what Princess Luna had told me.

It was all mind games, but it could be arrived at from what Luna had said and done.

As soon as the door clicks shut and I can sit on my bunk I smile at them, all six Bearers eager to hear Luna's words.

"I have to apologize, I mistook all your actions, Luna set me straight. Everything must be done to contain, or failing that destroy Nightmare," I say as they nod, and I turn to Rainbow, "I didn't realize you attacking me all the time was supposed to desensitize me so when you approached to put a knife or spear in my heart I wouldn't notice."

Rainbow's ears went flat and her eyes got bigger while her pupils shrank.

"Pinkie, I didn't realize you kept inviting me to those parties so you could get me used to your cooking so later you could slip me something poisonous, maybe even something that could kill me instantly and leave ponies untouched. I know how talented you are."

Pinkie's hair practically snaps flat as she stares.

"Fluttershy, now I know you were luring me out to the wood so you could get me eaten by something, or run me over a cockatrice, very clever," I say.

Fluttershy is too shocked to even cry.

"Twilight, well, you're Twilight Sparkle Student of Celestia, and ZAP no more Gray Rock, I understand," I say.

Bookmare looks horrified.

"Don't be so surprised, when you six went after that dragon, Celestia needed that done so you did it," I say, "Oh, I won't mention it to Spike, he's too young to understand politics of this level."

I look at Rarity and Applejack who are just as stunned as the others. "That goes for Sweetie Belle and Applebloom, too young to understand a pest has to be exterminated to protect the rest of the crop. And frankly, I haven't figured out what you two were ordered to do. So congratulations on that."

"Thank you," Rarity says almost on reflex and gives a little laugh.

"So, once they get this straightened out, Rainbow, you can go back to hitting me; Pinkie Pie, I'll start attending all your parties; Fluttershy, you'll see me out there at least once a week. You all look so sad, don't worry, I would have never figured it out without Princess Luna. If fact, you want a laugh? I actually thought you were all flirting with me." I laugh at that. "Is that pathetic or what? Maybe arrogant on my part. You should all be complimented on your skills at misdirection."

"You think I got mad at you because I wanted to assassinate you?" Pinkamena asks, "Not because you were missing out on fun?"

"Yes, because parties aren't fun for me, as I said several times," I reply.

The Bearers laugh nervously and back out of the jail, jostling each other slightly as they refuse to break eye contact with me.

Journal Entry Day 49

The team left all feeling vaguely horrified to find that Spike had used his ability to communicate directly with Celestia to deal with the situation. The paper work was found, had been filed without review, and the 'report to Ponyville' had been meant as a return to status quo ante.

So bright and early the next day, Applejack was waiting for me to take me home. Her words not mine.

"You really want to come back?" Applejack asks as we walk side by side. She'd been quiet, glancing around nervously, until we spotted the outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres.

"If you've got work and a bunk, yes," I reply.

She nods but gulps before she continues. "You really believe all that you said?"

"Let's wait until Granny Smith and Big Mac are around so I only have to explain it once," I say, "Sweetie Belle came by the jail and said something about the rock farm."

"Uh, yeah they kinda started on it since you weren't here and Pinkie kinda flipped that you were missing prime growing season," Applejack says and chuckles, "Somethin' started because they brought Spike out and he started salivating about what he smelled."

"Good to know," I say.

With all the safe subjects disposed of, we again walk in silence. Applejack pauses for a moment and sidesteps, lays her chin on my shoulder and takes my hand. We walk like that for a while. She disengages when we get close to the house.

Once inside, and verified that Applebloom isn't around, I explain to the trio. "While Princess Luna did imply she could order the Elements to deal with me, alone or collectively, I know Celestia would block any action without cause."

Granny Smith's laugher interrupts me. "Young'un, it takes no genius to see you're sweet on Applejack, and none of the stallions round here are willin' to put in a hard day's work to impress her. Let alone a week."

I don't know which of us is blushing harder, me or Applejack.

"Parasitoids, yup," Big Mac says then starts laughing, "Good joke."

"You aren't mad?" I ask.

Granny pats me on the shoulder. "Young'un, if they'da treated me the way they were treating you, young Colgate would've done a land office business in dentures. We talked about it with Applejack after her bad dreams."

"We talk," Big Mac says and chuckles again, "What next?"

"He said all Pinkie's invites and Dashie hittin' him, and Twilight's interest was setting him up for an assassination, by us," Applejack blurted out.

"How was you gonna kill him?" Granny asks and winks at Applejack who goes burnt umber. Ironically, she steps behind me to hide. Something both Big Mac and Granny Smith note with upraised eyebrows.

"There was another reason for it, something I wrangled out of Nightmare. Evidently, whatever would make me a good host for Nightmare would also make me a good Bearer, and so some of their feelings were due to resonance between Nightmare and the Bearers," I say, "I wanted to put a stop to that, so I put out those rumors so they'd stop and think about why they were behaving irrationally."

"How was Applejack?" Big Mac asks.

I hear her gasp, but I answer first, "She didn't, other than getting embarrassed by anyone bringing it up. She and Rarity were the only two who acted like ladies, instead of besotted teenagers or children."

The knowing look on Granny's face warns me that Applejack may have had a coach planning her moves, and restricting them. An advantage none of the others had, including Celestia.

"Of course," Nightmare says, "But I want you to have both."

"Gray Rock?" Big Mac asks as he approaches, worry etched on his face.

"Nightmare," I say, "She's a friend, but she still likes to tip over the applecart just to watch what happens."

"Damn straight," Nightmare says.

"Like her suggestion," I say.

"Don't tell them that!" Nightmare shouts and screams.

"I shouldn't choose between Applejack and Princess Celestia," I say.

Applejack drapes her arms over my shoulders as she leans against my back and starts laughing. Big Mac and Granny Smith start laughing as well.

"Dream big," Big Mac manages between laughs.

Should I tell them? I silently ask Nightmare.

"Don't you dare!" Nightmare replies.

Journal Entry Day 50

I was collecting the baskets, with two good arms, finally, when Applejack completely missed a buck, as she realized the implications of Nightmare resonating with the Bearers. Since both Celestia and Luna were Bearers. There was a bit of a heartfelt discussion that Luna was acting like Rainbow, trying to act tough and hateful to disguise it, and Celestia acting more like Applejack, trying to be a friend while she figured out whether she wanted to be more. Cue Applejack blushing like a mad fool.

There also was a discussion with the newly arrived Clear Brook about Luna suggesting I'd be assassinated by the Bearers. I corrected her that it would be an execution, as I am still under suspicion for being a threat to the nation. A distinction without a difference but still disconcerting for Clear Brook. She also kept repeating that Luna never said, and I replied that Luna implied. Of course she never said directly, but a wink and a nod is as good as a command from a diarch. Clear Brook and Balustrade really didn't like that implication in my other journal.

Pinkie had a party, without inviting me, and Rainbow now stays well out of my reach, if not out of my sight. Spooking her when she was napping in an apple tree almost got her to Sonic Rainboom speeds. So that plan is working. It hasn't stopped Applejack from sitting back to back with me while we eat lunch and discuss mainly work stuff. Her pauses and sudden non sequiturs indicate she wants to ask other things, vain possibly narcissistic hope tells me she want to discuss us, but she could want to talk about rock farming for all I know.

The Elephant in the Room remains Discord. Applebloom has mentioned an upcoming school trip to Canterlot. How to deal with unreformed Discord? I warned Luna that the bindings of the Elements were fading, so have they taken any precautions? Should I go up there ahead of time to be ready? Should I have the Elements waiting for him? Was his escape and defeat part of Celestia's plan? Will I stop writing like the announcer from the 1960's Batman show?

The rock farm is weird work. Moving rocks around to collect the currents of magic. Without Nightmare's senses, I'd be hopeless at it. I keep finding the Crusaders and Spike doing it. I've even found Big Mac moving the rocks around. I can understand while Pinkie hates it, it's not kinetic enough. But it's actually a good form of meditation, letting your instincts guide you and the motion is mindlessly simple and short. There's not much to do with a small patch of land, but with acres of rocks I can see where it would be serious work.

The moving around to the best spots only takes a few minutes at the start of the day, right after lunch and before nightfall. It'll take weeks to see any results, but the best gemstones are grown in little farms like this. It'll be interesting to see whether Spike or Rarity gets the best (no matter who I give them to).

I'm walking through the statue gardens of Canterlot. Per the Apples, I'm taking a day off. To the royalty, I've sensed Discord's reemergence. I'm alone here, watching. I can feel the bindings unraveling, I can hear the approach of Teacher Cheerilee's group, and I can smell the three cream pies and the slice I purchased this morning on arriving in Canterlot.

"You have no hope of defeating him," Nightmare says, "We should hide and await his defeat by the Bearers."

I'm going to draw first blood, I think to her, The Bearers can clean up.

The Crusaders get into their scuffle and leave, and I step out, noting the crack on Discord's statue and the blinking light. Princess Luna has also heard about my presence and arrives with a contingent of guards.

"You were told -" she begins a diatribe.

"That crack wasn't there a few minutes ago and I didn't make it," I tell her pointing out the slowly increasing fracture, "And is that his heartbeat?"

Luna pales, then retreats shouting Celestia's name. The guards without direct orders look around worriedly.

"Go back to your posts or your homes, there'll be plenty to do in an hour or two," I tell them. The senior officer dispatches most of the guards, while the ominous sound of the crack expanding gives warning that there's more than they know. When secondary cracks begin spiderwebbing off, the senior guard takes all the rest with her in search of Captain Armor.

Discord explodes out of the remains of his shell. I've positioned myself near a low hedge and I let Discord got through an eye-watering set of stretches. Then I drop below the hedge as I let fly with the first pie.

Discord stops making the groans as what happened sinks in and the pie filling drips off him.

"Fifty-three, Fifty-three, Fifty-three, Fifty-three, Fifty-three, Fifty-three," I yell.

Discord pokes his head over the hedge, and hit smack him with the second pie right in his face.

He withdraws as I start chanting, "Fifty-four, Fifty-four, Fifty-four, Fifty-four."

This time I lift up, without wanting to. Discord is clean, looking exactly like canon Discord, except for the almost fatherly expression on his face. I mange to snag the remaining pie and piece, but they both vanish before I can throw then.

"Three and one-seventh pies, I get it," Discord says, "I appreciate the effort, but kid, let me set you straight. Like every self-insert brony, you want to 'Save Discord' early, but I have to get my villain cred early, while the audience can rationalize it away as 'well maybe he was used to dealing with Three Kingdom/post-Windingo bastard ponies'. Plus, we've got to give Book Mare her Heroic BSOD or Lesson Zero comes across as terrifyingly sociopathic rather than PTSD. There's also Celestia proving her Marenificent Bastard planning skills, the CMOH of the recovery, and you'd deny the fans 'that big, dumb meany!'? And as for redeeming me, that's Fluttershy's CMOA, and that girl really needs them, or she'll get Flanderized into the doormat Friend of All Living Things rather than Silk Hiding Steel.

"So, full marks, six out of ten, which if you come out as a Masculine-presenting, Transgendered Lesbian would get you a 96% on Rotten Tomatoes for Woke Points alone, but I really, really gotta do this now. I mean Star Trek can't last forever, so DeLancie's gotta scoop up the fans and shekels somewhere else. Am I right? Of course I can. But I'll let you know, Applejack really does care about you."

Suddenly I was a potted geranium.

"Via con dios (1)," Discord says as he vanishes.

"Did that go well, or go badly?" Nightmare asks as I find myself in the anteroom again.

I sigh. "I screwed up," I admit.

"Well, that's always fun," Nightmare says.

The interlude I leave to your imagination. But the situation unfolds pretty much as expected. The Harmony Wave from the Elements washes over everything, reversing Discord's changes.

Except one potted geranium near the base of his statue.

"This could be a problem," Nightmare says, "Especially if everypony forgets to water us."

All my joking about getting killed by the ponies takes a rather grim transmutation at that point. And it stops being so funny.

(1) Discord here, I spelled dios with a lower case d because, let's face it I was talking about me. And getting into a trademark dispute with big D would be like getting into a copyright dispute with the Mouse House, and even I'm not that powerful.

Author's Note

Yes, this is completed. But before you get the tar and feathers, I'm working on a sequel. But considering the date of publishing, don't tell anyone else.