'Twas Lonely in the Moon

1000 years. It didn't feel that long, I had been essentially asleep underneath...her presence, for most of it, getting wispy glimpses, vague feelings of her hatred and plans. Despite that, 'twas torture knowing that I'd brought such foulness upon myself. My foolishness truly knew no bounds.

There were ponies I knew that were now so long dead and buried that the wind had likely eroded the names from their gravestones. One of them was a colt I quite fancied at court...I had intended to request he become my royal consort, but I was too consumed with envy for my sister and her daylight. Perhaps he could have spared me from becoming Nightmare Moon. Perhaps...but that's the past, and he's now merely dirt in the ground. I doubt Celestia even knows where; our old castle is but a ruin in the forest. It feels like just last year I was enjoying its many trapdoors and hidden secrets.

I sigh as I look out towards Canterlot. The chariot ride hath served well as a silent reprieve from the loud affair around Ponyville, but it will only last so long. Soon, we will be inundated with the requests of the various townships for administrative decisions, and me personally to help soothe the unpleasant dreams no doubt incurred from the terror of the return of Nightmare Moon.

'Tis only on the way down to the palace entrance that I notice the wing of my sister comforting me.

"Luna? You've hardly said a word. The guards seem...concerned", she says.

I blink a few times. I would normally be quite composed, but the drain of magic seems to have left my mind, just as with my body, in a state like an adolescent. "U-uh...apologies, dear sister, 'tis a lot to take in and I'm not quite myself." My tummy began to rumble slightly. "...and it appears Nightmare Moon was not keen on eating."

Celestia closes her eyes as she nods with a warm smile. "I see. I'll have the guards bring you some refreshments. We'll have a feast later when we meet with Canterlot's de facto mayor, Fancy Pants. I'll be here to make sure you're comfortable and back to normal in practically no time at all!" She says while giving a slight nod to some guards, who trot off in a hurry.

I nod hesitantly as she keeps her wing on me, providing a sense of comfort as she pushes me along by the rump. The palace appears quite grand, and I briefly look around, admiring the wide arches and stained glass windows. On the long walk towards the throne room, we remain silent. I briefly ponder the large amount of guards in such flashy armor. It would seem that they aren't the noble warrior stallions of old anymore, but they still serve at our whim.

Celestia sighs softly as we enter the throne room. I'm humbled as I see that there's a spot reserved for me. "Sister, 'tis quite a bit more than we had in the old castle. How hath Equestria grown in mine absence?"

She gives a little chuckle as she takes some refreshments from the guards, pouring me a cup of sparkling cider and offering me what appears to be hay formed into sticks in a paper container. I proceed to carefully, politely, princessly put one stick into my mouth. I'm overcome with the great taste of this apparently-fried treat. My mind tells me that I must remain regal and reserved...but I have lost much willpower. I once again carefully, politely, and princessly...grab entire hooffuls and scarf them down like a starving Manticore in an orphanage, making the blue unicorn guardsmare stare, wide-eyed.

"I'd say it has grown quite a lot...perhaps even more than your appetite!" Celestia remarks.

I blush a little in embarrassment and swallow down what was in my mouth, and prepare a retort only to be befuddled by a long belch that overwhelms mine ability to retain it. For a moment I stare in horror, now blushing profusely, while Celestia struggles to contain her laughter with a hoof.

"Ahaha, oh sister, nopony's around but us and the guards, feel free to eat all of the hay fries and be as uncouth as you dare! Just make sure you leave room for the feast, we wouldn't want the chef to believe himself inadequate", she says, patting me on the rear as she trots over to the throne.

I break my stare to look over at a nervous guardsmare now offering me several times what I just consumed. I barely stop myself from drooling before indulging greedily, accidentally consuming some of the paper containers as I gorge myself. The guardsmare whimpers a little as I reduce a pile of hay fries half the size of mine own torso to nothing in under a minute.

With mine appetite finally sated, and a the blue guard shaking, I lay upon my throne with a bloated belly. My sister seems not to to even notice for a while, writing many times on a large paper, no doubt a document of vital importance to the nation. Her eyes suddenly dart to me as I let out a groan about my bloating from eating those delicious 'hay fries'.

"Ah, finished I see; do you know a 6-letter word for the start of something? Begins with an 'o', and ends with 'gin'", she inquires.

"Ori-*buurp*-gin...excuse me", I say, making a grimace from the foul taste of the unexpected release. "Is thou writing a treaty of some kind, dear sister?"

My sister chuckles lightly. "You're excused, little sister, and thanks for the help on my crossword puzzle!" She then shows me the document...entitled Daily Games. As realization hits, I fake a smile hard for my sister's sake.

Celestia sets aside the crossword puzzle, clearly entering a more serious mode. "Now then, while you digest your meal, I've had the guards prepare a variety of reading material on the modern state of Equestria to help you get up to speed. It's waiting in my private study whenever you're ready. Some junior guards will be right by your side to help explain any confusion you may have while reading."

I stand up into a dignified pose, albeit with a sagging belly, and nod. "Thou won't be there with me, sister?" I ask, with a little concern on my face, as I'm still not yet feeling comfortable so recently after my purification.

She shakes her head lightly. "I must arrange the feast and make sure nothing is out of place. The...hay fries you were given were a rather rash decision by the captain of the guard, and I'd like to make sure things appear presentable when you meet Fancy Pants. Besides, they're new recruits who should be somewhat more like...regular ponies, they might give you more insight into how things have changed than talking with an old pony like me."

"But sister-" I insist, but a hoof is put to my lips. "Luna, trust me on this matter. Please", she says in a quiet tone.

I look into her gentle eyes and all opposition to her ideas melt away under a tide of affection. I nod slightly and trot out awkwardly, flanked by the blue guard that gave me hay fries and a stallion that seems a little too small for his armor, likely waiting on a better-fitting set.

We walk into the study and I admire its cozy quality. Essentially, it's a large stone-walled closet with bookshelves and portable candles atop a round wooden table. In a corner, I find a pile of books sorted by industry, starting with agriculture and transportation in the first two large stacks. Next to it, there's a quite small table with some fresh tea, which I immediately get to sipping as I sit down, flanked by the guards. It isn't long before I'm well-versed in the ways of Equestrian farmers and these "trains" used to rapidly cross the land.

The guards with me are, for quite a while, silent. So silent, in fact, that between turning pages, I become aware of mine own heart beating despite the two being each an inch away. Upon hearing the blue mare to my left uncouthly break wind in a way that under normal circumstances would surely not be heard, I nearly scold her, then realize it's mine own fault! I have made events deviate far from what my sister intended, and try to 'break the ice' by immediately putting a hoof around her and beginning fraternization.

"Forsooth, fair maiden, thy purpose 'tis little more than wind without our questions! Tell us, hast thou partook in a ride upon the 'iron horse'?" I ask with a composed, but pleasant, smile.

The mare's expression goes pale, her eyes wide and unblinking. She appears both confused and sweating in anxiety. I slowly lose my smile and withdraw my hoof. "...perhaps thou needs a break from duty. To...relieve and refresh thyself so thou can return in a more talkative manner. We shall not punish thee for thy slipup!"

She nods quickly and darts for the exit as if pursued by a ravenous creature, tripping over the table and bashing open the door on her way out. I look to the remaining guard and his mouth appears to be open. "Is there a problem? We hope thou can be of more use."

He blinks and slowly unslacks his jaw. "W-well your majesty, it's just...you're quite a bit different than Celestia", he sputters out.

I nod. "Ah, yes, do not be afraid, we've no intent to harm thee. Tell us, what dost thou like most about..." I struggle for a bit as I skimmed a book for an interesting subject. "...Manehattan rape gangs? I'm sure 'rape' is something most enjoyable, perhaps you could demonstrate it to me", I say with a tender smile.

I'm not sure what exactly it was that I said, but the guard passes out immediately. Thankfully, the other soon returns with a bit of strange white square paper on her rear hoof. She seems to still be on edge, but at least answers my various questions about trains. The male guard excuses himself upon waking, and does not return.

Many hours later, I have finished reading everything, but begin to reread few chapters in a particularly interesting book about the manufacturing of foodstuffs to make sure that I understand properly. Suddenly, a more...fit guard comes in. "Princess Luna, your sister requests your presence in anticipation of the feast."

I shut the book and stretch a little. "Splendid."

I trot, followed by both guards, to the throne room, where Celestia greets me with her usual smile.

"Dear sister, was your time reading on the modern world productive?" she asks.

I nod. "Most, although the guards were not what I was expecting..." I trail off.

"Oh?" she asks, looking to the paper on the guard's hoof.

"The one here passed gas in my presence and the other appears to have left without permission while momentarily excused. 'Tis practically treason!" I said sternly.

My sister glares a bit at the guard to my left before sipping tea.

"What naughty guards! You'd think we had a volunteer force or something", she says with an odd expression.

I snort. "Unacceptable, regardless of how they were recruited!"

Celestia oddly put a hoof to her lips and seemed to giggle, as if her throne had tickled her. "I'll simply need to discipline them! What punishment do you prefer? A flogging? Or would you have me cut off their heads?" she asks with another odd expression and a giggle.

Out of the corner of mine eye I see a guard rush out, no doubt to find the one who left. The guard to my left is restrained and cowers in fear as I look to her. I turn back to my sister with a slight glare of displeasure. "Sister! I told this one we would not punish her...but very well. Hmm, beheading is a wonderful idea, but they are junior in rank and I would not want to trouble the maids. We just need a way to 'spank' the children."

Celestia rolls her eyes as she sips tea and lays against her throne with her eyes closed, appearing not to notice the guard that ran off being dragged to my right side. Some guards come over with paddles and raise them. She chuckles and sips more tea as she talks. "Oh Luna, I was just jok-", she says, but is cutoff by the sounds of eeps and wood meeting tender flank. "-ing."

I look at her quizzically, still with a bit of glare, as she spits out her tea and stares at the guards being spanked. "What's this 'joking'? I don't see how it pertains to going back on a promise", I ask, as the two make some rather unguardsponylike pleas and various noises that I ignore.

Celestia recomposes herself. "Pretending to do something you are not...now if you could head to the feast early, I must have a word with my remaining guards about what is and what isn't an order," she clears her throat towards the end, making the paddling guards stop.

The guards with paddles gulp in unison and look at each other as if they are to be beheaded. I quickly deduce that wooden paddles to the rear are not a normal procedure, and that if the two retain their heads by nightfall, 'tis only because my sister didn't shout at them loud enough about not following my remarks as orders.

As I head to the feast, the thought of my sister paddling guards' rears red fills me with childish delight and a strange excitement I can't quite place.