'Twas Lonely in the Moon

As I come into the banquet hall, the large windows show that not all are stained glass messes of esoteric shapes, some actually let an appreciable amount of light through with a simple grid, although by now the sun hath nearly set. I gaze upon a long table with a solid white cloth and a variety of fruits and pastries atop it. As the scents come to my nostrils, I'm briefly overwhelmed, and only after several seconds do I notice the noblepony sitting in the middle on the other side, with our seats spaced apart facing him. I step slowly, unconfidently, as I ponder my recent interactions with guards. 'Tis very good both of them have been humiliated into silence.

"Ah, Princess, pardon me preempting your arrival, I caught a scent most pleasant and couldn't help but come in", says the pony I presume to be 'Fancy Pants'.

I clear my throat and take a moment to compose myself before unleashing the loudest voice I can muster. "'TIS ALRIGHT, FANCy-", I begin to cough, my vocal chords clearly not being up to the task. I'm forced to return to my regular, filly-like voice. "...excuse us, for we are unwell. We must use a regular voice to address thee."

Fancy Pants stares at me in apparent confusion before nodding. "Very...well. May I begin eating?"

I take my seat promptly. "Of course. Celestia will be along shortly", I say, wanting to stick to business, as I can't exactly have Celestia remove Fancy Pants...I briefly ponder if perhaps I could, but brush away the thought. It then hits me that I've barely been back to normal for 12 hours and just pondered executing the first pony Celestia has me meet. I'm supposed to be better than this. Perhaps the nightmare lingers inside me...

Fancy Pants seems to be staring at me, no doubt because of my horrified expression. I put on a fake smile and a little filly-like chuckle to reassure him and grab a bottle of wine. I wonder how much I can get away with drinking in order to loosen up, become more sociable, and perhaps banish these lingering doubts about myself. While I'm certainly no drinker, these are special circumstances. I check to see if Fancy Pants is watching before downing an entire glass.

Fancy Pants, meanwhile, thankfully hath all his attention focused on what appears to be a rounded pastry with cheese and sauces in the center. "Mmm, an extraordinary calzone your chef makes," he remarks while wiping off his lips.

I simply nod, and place one onto my plate with grace that no doubt will leave me once the wine takes effect. After downing another glass rapidly, I hear the door open.

"Sister, I see you've begun eating already. Glad that your appetite is doing okay, especially after...that", Celestia says.

I turn to look at her while sipping wine at a rate that is perhaps a tad beyond what's socially acceptable. "After what?" I ask.

Celestia seems more confused than me as she replies. "The...you know, the accidental order and uh...", her voice then turns to a whisper, for some reason not wanting to tell Fancy pants. "...rear soreness."

I shrug and finish my glass of wine while Fancy Pants sits up. "Well hello your majesty, I am grateful to meet both of you. Is everything alright?"

I give an eye roll and a slight nod with a groan. Certainly not my best response, but I'm technically a bit of a child now and I doubt my tongue is going to cooperate if I try to use words again. Clearly, it's a bigger traitor than any guards, and deserves a spanking of its own.

Celestia thankfully says something. "So, Fancy Pants, you said before that you were concerned about the mental wellbeing of some of the nobility in Canterlot. My sister Luna can enter a pony's dreams, perhaps she could be of help?" She asked in a perfect, princessly tone that was surprisingly quiet.

Perhaps the Royal Canterlot Voice is saved for the simple villagers in need of straightening out, and not a noblepony like him. Her soothing voice brings back memories of her singing lullabies to me when we were young, and I suddenly feel...detached from reality; I have an intense urge to hold my bigger sister and snuggle her safety against the scary world. Strange, but I suppose this is just a normal feeling. I pour more wine.

"What do you say, Luna?" my sister asked.

I was in the middle of drinking my 4th glass of wine when mine eyes dart between the two. Somehow, I've missed Fancy Pant's reply entirely! I quickly finish it and swallow. "Um, yes."

"Wonderful!" Celestia says with a smile that makes me smile back.

I don't pay too much attention as the two begin to discuss some affairs that don't seem to involve me. Before I know it, I'm trying to pour a 7th glass of wine only to find the bottle empty, which momentarily confuses me as I tap the rim against the glass noisily. I then realize it is unusually quiet, and that both my sister and Fancy Pants are staring at me. I smile weakly as I set the bottle down, and my sister clears her throat, clearly covering for me.

"Don't worry, alicorns are much less affected by alcohol than other ponies, my sister is merely taking the edge off after a long day", she lies, adeptly.

'Tis only a slight exaggeration; with my small stature and weaker magic at present, the likely the overall effect will be the same as for a normal stallion...which means I will be rather drunk.

"Of course...", he says, either believing the social deception or pretending to.

As their dull conversation goes on, I start to feel the effects of the wine. Unable to concentrate at all on what's being said, my mind again turns to Nightmare Moon...it was all my fault. My lovely sister had to imprison me in the Moon. The old nobility, the ones I cared about, even the ones I hated...I miss them, and I shall never seem again; in their place, I must become acquainted with strangers like Fancy Pants, with only Celestia as an anchor. The guards are nervous, scared of my harsh demeanor and out-of-time nature...I began to slouch in my chair slightly, supporting my head with my hoof in a display of depression.

However, before I can truly wallow in self-pity, I'm interrupted by hearing and feeling a sudden sputter from my rear having a noise similar to a dying ostrich. Mines eyes dart open as the conversation ceases, the attention of the other two focused on me as I fail to shut off the release. After about 15 seconds, it finishes, and I'm left in a state of embarrassed shock.

Celestia clears her throat. "Yes, well, I think we should conclude this meeting, it's getting late and my sister surely must be in need of a toilet", she says diplomatically.

I barely mumble a yes as I wonder how I missed my basic bodily needs. I suddenly realize that my bladder is close to bursting.

Fancy Pants blinks and nods, but doesn't immediately leave after he gets up. "Uh, beg your pardon, Princess, but are you sure she is familiar with modern toilet facilities? From what I've read, a lot's changed in the last millennium."

Celestia seems taken aback. "I-I hadn't realized. Fancy Pants, I would appreciate it if you could accompany my sister and I to help acquaint her with such facilities and make sure she gets to her bed. I'm afraid I'm quite tired and might not be able to do it on mine own. Please do be a gentlestallion. If that's alright with her, of course", she says, finishing with a yawn.

I give an overly-quick nod of approval, and Fancy Pants comes over and helps me out of my chair. I try to get out myself, but my body just isn't quite listening, and I mumble something I think to the effect of trying to excuse myself and blaming the bottle of wine for appearing deceptively small. Celestia seems to be keeping her distance behind me, other than a wing on my rear that no doubt is doubling as a preventative measure if I don't make it as well as its comfort role.

Fancy Pants says something to comfort me in the hallway, but I can't quite make it out. My senses are failing me, but I can tell that I'm breaking wind again. Mine attempt at "excuse me" comes out sounding more akin to "squeeze me", and Fancy Pants understandably puts a hoof to my lips before I try again.

The next thing I know, I'm being carefully set squatting over a white indentation in a white floor in a very white room. I ask Fancy Pants about the decor in a manner where 'white' is the only recognizable word. He stammers as he clearly doesn't understand, but my sister replies that "bathrooms must look clean to show that they're not dirty" along with something about how they put me over the 'squat' toilet because I "can do little else" while inebriated. I nod along as my tail raises and I break wind a third time.

I let loose a very unstable stream at first. As the two stare somewhat, I try to apologize for the entirely unprincesslike nature of my negligent flatulating, with slurred words mostly drowned out by the now-steady stream. I burp in the middle of my words, perhaps the only thing out of my mouth that can be clearly heard.

"Don't worry, dear sister", Celestia says as she pats my rear comfortingly with a wing.

Fancy Pants, now in front of me, takes a moment to say something supportive. Despite my drunken state and the noise of my urination, I hear his words clearly.

"My lady, a bit of thunder before the rain is nothing to be ashamed of when we sail away from our troubles and encounter a storm", he says soothingly.

'Tis a metaphor I am sure I shall more fully appreciate when I'm sober; perhaps Celestia can repeat it to me then.

After a few minutes, the pitter-patter ceases and my tail lowers. Fancy Pants then levitates over some strange white paper squares. It takes me a moment to realize they are the same that the guard earlier had on her hoof, apparently some kind of bathroom item? Celestia asks me something about raising my tail and being comfortable with her "whopping me" and I nod as I'm far too drunk to even figure out the decision, needing another to care for me. Whatever this 'whopping' consists of, I'm sure it is most good if my sister must do it for me.

I flinch slightly as the paper is applied to my nethers. She hath quite a gentle touch with her magic as she wipes (so that is what she said) away the malodorous moisture, making me vocalize a most odd, purr-like noise. She gives me a slight stare of confusion as she tosses the wet paper into the soiled water.

Before I can ask exactly what she finds so odd, Fancy Pants sets my hoof on a small lever.

"Now, this will be loud, do not worry", he says.

As my hoof is let down to push the lever, my mind is a touch too slow to finish processing his words, and the strong whirlpool below startles me into breaking wind again and nearly falling over. I hear a slight bit of chuckling for a moment, but can't tell which pony did it, and see that both are holding themselves. I sigh a bit, thankful that it's at least over.

The blurry walk to my bedchambers is uneventful save for strange thoughts pertaining to the sway of my sister's backside as I look upon it. She tucks me in and, ever so delicately, informs a guard that I may need help urinating throughout the night once Fancy Pants is out of earshot. She's quite right.